you know you are a female mountain biker when....
You know you are a female mountain biker when....
when you have bike lube in your purse and tampons in your camel back
you have more bike socks than regular in your drawer.
You have more bike stuff than bras hanging on the clothes line....
You wear sports bras daily, and can't remember the last time you bought
something at Victoria's Secret (which you may or may not have regretted
during a recent date )
The above-mentioned date refers to you as his "sexy trail biker" instead of
the usual "honeybun" or "sweetiepie."
You have to resist the temptation to buy little jerseys as baby gifts for
friends (though t-shirts, helmets, and accessories for their first trike are
fair game.)
You wonder if anything in your arsenal of power food helps with cramps
(Endurox? PowerBars? Gatorade? Dammit!!!)
It occurs to you that the only two times you've ever gone for waxing were
before week-long bike trips.
You can blow snot rockets with the best of em
when you're proud of all thoses bruises, chain ring tatoos and scrapes that
cover your legs and other parts
..when your dining room is really the bike room.
...when you check the loacl weather for wind speed/direction to decide road
or mtb.
...when you are putting away the laundry sports bras and bike socks go into
the bike box, not the dresser.
...sock shopping involves looking for bike socks that won't clash with work
slacks. Brown bikes sock are hard to find.
Instead of artificial flowers in a basket on the buffet, you have an
arrangement of colorful water bottles.
You have one purse...and 4 Camelbacks.
You have more bike shoes than dress shoes, and more jerseys than dresses.
You preface a visit to any new doctor with the statement: "I am not a
victim of domestic violence"
Or you get inordinately excited when the ER doc examining you after your
latest crash confesses he's a mountain biker too and starts to compare
scars.
All your vacations are planned around biking and bike destinations.
You have more bikes than all of your neighbors combined.
Your biking s.o. expresses pride when you can look at a new bike and
immediately spot the new integrated disc brake adapter. And that you even
know what a disc brake adapter is.
You choose your dog's breed based on whether it will make a good trail dog
or not.
You have a four person family and there are over 25 bikes in the household.
You spend $15-20 on a good sports bra but wouldn't consider spending that
much on a regular bra.
You have yet to find a "women's" deodorant that does any good on the trails.
your friends introduce you as "this is Mary. She's got balls!"
90% of your wardrobe contains lycra. Especially jeans, because you can't
fit your quads into anything less than a size 12, but your waist is still a
6.
You LOVE porn. Bike porn, that is.
You meet a great guy who you have a ton in common with... including
biking! When you ask what he rides, he says "a Devinci". When you ask which
one, he doesn't know. It's blue, he says. What kind of drive train does it
have? He doesn't know. But it's a mountain bike! You suddenly have somewhere
you have to be.
You spend more than 10% of your annual income on new bike purchases, never
mind getting to races, race entry fees, and food. All non-food purchases are
equated to bikes. (I could go to dinner... or I could buy the Cannondale
bunny socks...)
You eat four meals a day. So?
Chocolate flavoured GU (w/ real belgian chocolate)
something you randomly crave....?
You break your children's school dress code by picking them up after riding
in your bike shorts. I now take the time to change.
You no longer get funny looks from the other moms at your daughter's ballet
class when you show up with a big bruise or scrape. They just look at you
and say, "crash again?"
You have to move a Camelbak, helmet, and gloves before someone can sit in
your car.
You offer to bring your tools to work and repair a colleague's bike during
lunch time
You proudly wear your new Sidi Dragons to the mail box, and yes you do have
one purse and 4 camelbaks...(love that one).
Your gyn laughs as she reads the little sayings on the bottom of your socks
in the stirrups...
If you are out of chocolate, you always have a Belgian Chocolate Gu stuck in
one of your camelbaks.
While driving you can never NOT look at the other car with a bike rack and
bikes going by.
You know when you come into a little extra money and biking stuff comes
immediately to mind(even though your underwear really needs to be replaced).
when you have a brand-new Tiffany bracelet that was a gift, but you get more
excited over wearing the titanium spoke bracelet, and hope people comment on
it.
when you cook dinner for your cousins, then bring it over by placing the
food into a lasagna pan and lashing it to the rear rack with bungee cords.
while looking for a maid of honor dress, you gravitate towards a metallic
light blue color that matches your Blur
you decide on a new ride, and put the old one up for sale. Under description
(size, drive train, etc), you write "female ridden" and cackle maniacally
remembering the trees you've crashed into, the helmets you've split, the
stream crossings, the up-to-your-hubs-mud you rode through, the snow, the
expression on the mechanic's face the last time you brought it in for a
tuneup.
When you go to a baby shower that ends up in the basement looking at
bikes...
When you don't bother going in the house to pee anymore?
When you stop using the vitamin E that the Dr. recommended on your scar
'cause you're afraid it's going away?
You know when the chiropractor starts asking, "Crash again?" when you go in
for an appointment.
