Need Help Making Decision Related to My Biking :)

Hi Biking Goddesses,

Have you ever had to decide your focus? I'm at that point. I'm super tired of not making the progress I want to make with my road racing. I also feel super burned out because of my feelings of 'stuckness' and not improving, etc.

I guess I am trying to decide if I'd be happier mountain biking. I started out my cycling in 1995 as a mountain biker. I started racing in 1996, but had to quit in 1998 due to Epstein Barr virus and chronic fatigue. I recovered from my illness and tried to make a comeback to mountain bike racing in 2001, but it was too hard for me. I couldn't recover and my grandma had died (she was my best friend).

Well, I have tried to race my road bike since 2001 on and off. During the past two years, I've been working at it more consciously. My problem areas are building strength as well as recovering slowly.

But, I must confess that riding my mountain bike is sooo joyful and fun for me. Even when my HR gets up into the 170's, I don't notice 'cause I'm having fun :) I also feel more at one with my mountain bike.

I'm old now though...I'm 35, so I don't even know if it's worth it to even try to race in any cycling discipline. I guess I don't want to feel like a failure or a quitter. I'm so not used to not being good at something LOL--I am not bragging LOL--believe me I'm a modest person. In other sports, I was such a natural. Oh wait, I'm a natural at mountain biking too...

I guess it's hard when you've had so much time and energy invested in one thing...In my case, road racing. I keep pushing myself to no avail. Maybe I'm just hard on myself or want to be where I want to be yesterday LOL. But, it makes me sad to let go I guess. I know I could go back to road racing if I wanted to, but I wonder if I ever would if I did leave it :)

If I switch to mountain biking, I still will do a majority of my training on the road, but I just like to have a focus I guess.

It's hard for me to make a definitive decision on road cycling. I've had many negative things said to me and my ego really wants to keep pushing and to do well so I can prove others wrong. I know that's not a constructive use of my energy and it doesn't really matter what others think...But, for me it's the principle of the matter. I have never 'quit' anything or given up when it comes to sports.

I knew you guys could relate to this--that is why I came here to get some insights and support. I just need to feel better about myself and the decision I do make...

Any help would be most appreciated...

Lots of love and thanks in advance,
L

one comment; you are not old! I have a friend my age (55) who just got into MTB'ing..

We tell everyone that racing is supposed to be first and foremost fun! We pay to do this, not the other way around.
That said 1. you do not need to win to have fun. 2. your age alone probably shouldn't be holding you back
There are so many reasons you don't have to be winning to have fun in a bicycle race! Just having goals and seeing yourself progress toward those goals is great. Don't aim for the moon. If you haven't finished a race with the pack then make that your goal. If you've never tried to put in an attack make that your goal. Helping your teammates can be just as rewarding as winning. I have teammates who rarely finish in the pack that still have helped me sooo much and I hope I let them know that often enough. Even if you can only stay in for a lap if you can keep another teammate out of the wind or help to control the front of the race you are important. If you put in one good attack and then blow up you've still helped. Make the other racers chase you, tire them out too! Just try to make what you are able to do count and not only will you feel like you've been a contributor you will likely be on your way to being stronger and more confident too! Even being there at the finish to cheer for your teammates helps - you would not believe how much you feel like you can give just that little bit more when someone is yelling your name!
As far as age goes. I'm sure genetics must have something to do with it, but age alone certainly shouldn't hold you back - unless its mental! We have so many women out here (including me - I'll be 35 this year) who have only recently come to racing. To tell the truth many of the women who do very, very well are not the young chickies, but the masters. I have many teammates who are over 35, even in their 40's and 50's and they are certainly not struggling - many of them can kick my arse around.(I regularly am beaten in TT's by two women who qualify for the senior games :p )
Don't feel bad to treat road racing as training for mt bike racing either. We have some people who focus in other areas - tri's, track, cross, mt. bike but still race road just since its easier to get a really good workout when its competition... (and of course because its fun to come out with the team!), but of course its a whole lot less pressure when you know its not your focus.
It doesn't sound like you really want to quit road, but still its getting you down. Give yourself a break, take your time getting your fitness back and don't listen to those nasty folks who want to put you down. Do they truely think that no one for whom racing doesn't come naturally should not try. How would anyone ever get to know if they could be good if they gave up so easily.

Would it be possible for you to hire a coach for a while?
If not, read something by Lance or Greg LeMonde for inspiration while you take a break. Everyone knows about Lance's cancer but did you know Greg LeMonde was shot in the chest as a result of a hunting accident? Two years later he won the Tour....by fifty seconds !

I just keep telling myself "you can and you will!"

Re-read your own post. I think you might see your answer right in there...

mimitabby--
Thanks :) It's funny 'cause I don't revert to that "I'm old" bit unless it pertains to my cycling...Wow, I need to stop doing that :) Everyone thinks I'm 22 'cause I look young LOL, so I need to start feeling 22 or embracing it :)

Eden--
Girl, you should be a cycling coach or motivational speaker! I love your energy and enthusiasm and positive outlook :) Thanks for sharing that with me...You're absolutely right :) Wish I had a "team," but since I've never been deemed as "good" here, I've never been asked to join one. I guess my hard work and determination isn't what counts to others--it's the "results." Also, we don't really have much of a scene for women here.

Maybe when I move to Southern California, there will be more women to race with...I always say the more the merrier 'cause we can help each other get faster, but when your races have 12 or less, it's really hard. Also, no masters' women racing here. I've checked the fields in So. Cal. and there's usually at least 25-30 women in my category and they are separate classes, meaning they don't put us all together. My reality is that I have to be as fast as a cat 1-3 racer 'cause often they group us all together.

I guess I've set all those little tiny goals...I have never had the goal of winning LOL. I can't even reach the tiny ones. I usually blow up after only one hard effort in a race, even with a good proper warm-up. Then, I can't even recover. I guess it's time to just hang it up LOL.

zencentury--
I have had coaches sort of LOL. I hear ya on reading the inspirational things...I've read all of Lance's books, etc. You're so right...positive attitude is everything...I also believe your thoughts create your reality ;) And, you're absolutely right...I did answer my own question. I want to change over to mountain biking, but I don't have it to allow myself to make that choice because of all my "baggage" emotionally about it :) :) :)

Other notes...
Thanks so much for the love and support :)

Lots of love and hugs!!! xoxoxo...

So, here is a story very similar to yours, except the epstein barr stuff, how awful!

I started mountain bike race first. I was not very good at it. No handling skills at all (so you're one up on me). Then, I started doing century type rides and then decided that I should start road racing some. I was in my late 20's, early 30's. I was lucky, I found a women's developmental team on the road that was very helpful and supportive. Well, in mountain biking I never did well cause I was slow and not a very good technical rider, but I hung with it, cause I really like to mountain bike ride and racing pushed me to train harder - have a goal, etc., etc. My husband was a mountain bike racer so I went to Nationals, did the Mammoth Kamikaze one (crashed spectacularly), and raced in the first Worlds in Durango in 1990, raced expert because there were no sport categories, finished last, beat 4 people who dnf'd. I was just happy to be there and doing it and getting exposure. Yes, I went to big races, No, I did not do well at all even in smaller races. Hit the podium a couple of times but only cause no other girls would show.

I started road racing while I was mountain bike racing (did both for a while together). I was again not ever very good at road racing, but ended up doing okay in criteriums - never well in a road race.

I used to think that I liked road riding best cause my off road bike handling skills were not so good, but I have to admit I like mountain biking better now. I went on in my 40's to come in second in the Arizona State competition as a sport and I am now rated as an expert. My skills got a lot better, but I'm no great technical rider to date.

I find that training to race mountain bikes is easier for me basically because I can train for that in less time. Road racing is such an all consuming thing cause you have to ride hours, ride specific training regimens all together. For me it takes more dedication and sticktoitivness than mountain bike training. Yes, you have to train for mountain biking, but I can do this in less time so I think that is one of the reasons mountain bike racing is more fun.

Also, mountain bike racers tend to be a more laid back bunch of people - I've got lots of friends from going to mountain bike races, not so much, going road racing. It's just the scene. So, don't fell bad if you pick mountain biking over road racing. Some people just prefer it. It is hard in a different way than road racing and road racing is hard in a different way than mountain bike racing.

It is really hard to do both, but you can. I would recommend focusing on one kind of racing. You can do cross training with mountain and road for either kind of racing.

Hope that helps. Oh, and don't worry about the age, like I said I never got any good at this stuff until was in my 40's.

yogabear-

Are you still in MI? If so, come to a mountain bike race!!! Road riding is great training for mountain biking, so I'm sure you'll be strong still. You just need to start doing some off road riding to get your handling skills in. Push aside those emotional packages and just enjoy the ride.

If you're in MI, and want to race, do a MMBA CPS race and say hello! My team is participating in the series and I plan on doing all the races. I race beg. 19-29 and I have a team mate who started racing this year beg women 30+ (we are the only two women on the team). There aren't a ton of female racers, but your age group is actually one of the more popular for the women. I'm not sure where in MI you are (assuming you still are) but check out the schedule and see if there is one local and we can meet up!

Spokewrench--
Thank you so much for sharing your story! :) It was so nice to hear your perspective on things. You are so kind and heartfelt...thank you! The main thing that hit home for me was about the training for mtn. biking...I forget that's it is less hours in the saddle. I have learned through road cycling that I'm not one of those people that likes to ride more than 40 miles on the road at a time. I also don't like group rides...people can be so sketchy...not judging, but just observing ;) Also, I liked the bit about how each mtn. and road are hard in different ways. It reminded me of this story my hubby shared with me about how 2 different contemporary pro male racers had switched cycling disciplines...One took to the road like a fish to water and the other tried mtn. biking and it wasn't for him, despite his success on the road. I guess I always thought I'd be able to be good at both LOL. I'm starting to realize I really need to focus...mostly, to do what makes me happy, which is mtn. biking :)

SalsaMTB,
I'm still in Michigan :) I may come as a spectator to a mtn. bike race. I haven't been to one in many years, so I'd like to check it out and see :) That may be good for me. I hear the scene is fun and laidback. For a while in the 1990's, it was super, incredibly intense IMHO :) I just didn't appreciate the younger Sport class guys yelling at me to get off the trail when I was racing too! LOL Arrghh...LOL. I know how to handle that stuff better now though ;) Btw, you are so sweet...thank you for your positivity and encouragement!

Other notes...
You guys have really helped me to become more okay with my decision. When I sat and thought about it today, I realized that my decision is really about being okay with who I am. I realized I'm a mountain biker not a roadie. I have many roadie friends and love them to pieces, but it's just not me. I admire anyone who can be successful on the road because I have learned the past 8 years just how hard it is. I'm feeling so much better about my decision, which is really about being more okay with myself and who I am :) Lots of hugs and thanks for the help...I'm about 90 percent there...Time for a talk with my 'coach' tonight ;)

Love 'n hugs!!

Salsa and Yogabear--

Will you be at the Hanson Hills mtb in June? I missed Ft. Custer this past weekend (my roommate went, though, and was probably wearing a UM jersey :cool: ). Apparently it was a lot of fun!!

I am aiming for Hanson Hills, Boyne Marathon, and Maybury (Maybury is right in my backyard :D ).

Perhaps I will see you both there! We could meet up for pre-race (or post-race) coffee :)

Fultzie,

Yeah, I'm thinking of checking out a Metro-Detroit area race so I don't have to travel far, etc. since I have to spectate first ;) Maybury is about 45 min. from me, so not far at all. I'm not sure when that race is and I'll have to check my travel schedule with the mtn. bike race schedule, but I'd love to meet and do coffee :) It's funny 'cause last night, my hubby was like, "you need to hang with other mtn. biking women." :)

Other notes...
I had a big a-ha moment yesterday...LOL. I came to 100 percent alignment or okay-ness with being a mtn. biker :) My hubby asked me why I had ever started racing the road in the first place. I answered, "I don't know." That's a sign if you ask me! Geesh!

Also, had asked the Universe for a sign (I should have said, "gentle sign, please" about road vs. mtn. biking)...well, on last night's road ride, two cars in this park I ride at were going 70 mph at least in a 35 mph area and one was trying to pass the other...We had to duck off to the side of the road for safety. I mean, there's crazy drivers everywhere, but I so rarely encounter them in this park that it reminded me of the quiet serenity that is off-road...when your hazards are rocks, roots, your own stupidity LOL, deer, squirrels, etc., but at the same time, you enjoy being in nature and respecting the stillness and gifts She brings to us :)

The funny thing is that I have more energy. I literally feel as though a weight was lifted off my shoulders. I feel much more peaceful. I like the idea of training and riding for fun until I get myself back up to par with my Mtn. Biking Goddess-ness again :)

So, my question is...where do I send my checks$$ for the psychological counseling LOL? You guys were and are so awesome...You really helped me be more okay with my decision and well, being the real me :) Thank you so much!

Lots of love and hugs!! :)