Still new here but need to vent about cycling...

Well the bike I ws interested at LBS was bought already. It truely was a good deal. The good thing is they have another QR Seduza frame in my size. They just need to build it up. Setup is tri/TT.

So you think this is a good thing right? Well yes and no and its a source of my current frustration GRRR!!!!

I go over to the TE member racing result and see what everyone is doing. I miss it terribly!!!

I talked to my housemate tonight about me doing a TT. And she blew her smokestack really big big time. I can't blame her really. I've alluded to some of my past injuries now and then. The skinny is, I almost died at my last crash. After I regained my short term memory after a week or so and a week or so of sheet time (hospital time), I was told by the nuerosurgeon to hang up my cleats for GOOD! There will be no next time. The hospital time and the day of the accident, I really have no recollection whatso ever. Just a hint or spark every once in a while. Like sorta remember of hearing something going beep-beep-beep in the middle of the night and sorta remember people fussing with me while I tried to sleep. I don't think it was just a dream. I think it was some kind of alarm going off...yup I was told I was wired up to some monitors. That was 2001/02. Its not the only serious wreck I've had. I have several under my belt. I've shattered both my collar bones in separate accidents as a starter...

Anyway, I really am not supposed to be riding anymore but I do. My housemate reluctantly lets me ride. I've promissed to not ride on days when I feel off or tired or if the weather isn't nice. And I've kept to my promiss so far.

Now I feel like the my old world is trying to drag me back into it. And I miss it terribly. It's been a sore point for me and I can't really talk with my housemate. It's still a very sore point with her. Sometimes I just want to scream or have someone to commeserate with, someone who understand my need and my reality. ugh life is sometimes so difficult. Sometimes I just feel like those punch drunk boxers way past their prime yet still getting back into the ring.

I really wanted the TT bike but at what cost? I figure its lot safer than a crit where it only takes one fool to take out the pack. or a pelaton on road race. I don't recall anyone on TT crashing (oh wait i've known some solo crashes on TTs). but really...

Maybe I just need someone to put some sense into me. My bro-in-law is no help. My sis and he gave me for a christmas a brand new cycling computer blackburn Delphi 6.0 (the usual gots, HRM gots, altitude etc gots, even has %grade you are climing and descending). The unit I have is like production unit #10 or less. Super new... He thought I should get that QR such a good deal he says. some of the people I used to ride with me are taunting me to do some fun rides. I wish. I miss the road. I miss the fun rides Kaiser pass in Clovis, I miss the Eastern Sierrea up in Mammoth area, I miss all the fun rides in SD, I miss all the fun rides in Orange county area, the ride around the bear (I took my sweet time and still came in well under 8 hours. relaxed close to two hours at feed stations), the breathless in agony ride, High Sierra fun ride in Amador Cty... And there were things like the Redland classic. The bike gave me a sense of freedom to go places at my pace. Stop whenever I felt like it. The lack of automotive noise made it tranquail and I loved it.

Unfortunately I also love speed. And that is where I got into trouble. On a steep descent, I've known to clock over at 60+MPH (100+km/hr) on many occasions. On monitor pass the back side, down ebbets pass on the death rides. Down kaiser pass down past the lakes. down a pass leading to mono lake in Eastern Sierra ride... woo hoo!!!

Anyway, after my accident in 2001 my short term memory has returned but its not as good as it used to be. I still have on occasion not been able to put names on people I work with I can visualize their face but names escapes me from time to time... Yet I still want to ride.

And now TT is beckoning me. I can maintain about 23MPH avg for about 10miles. Good enough to place in Cat4 I think. and this is without to much structured training. Before the crash I could maintain 26MPH solo for about an hour or so even after having ridden 60 miles in a pace line. I don't expect to be competitive anymore still I love to ride.

Anyway, thanks for reading. I just needed to get it off my chest. Now off to wallow in some coffee.

Oh the only thing I don't miss is the offer of EPO and some other stuff which can be had rather easily... BAD BAD stuff.

Shawn

Wow!

That's a tough one. I've also had a wreck that almost killed me. I do things differently now. Mr. even pushed my envelope for safety sometimes. But I still ride and like to ride fast. But I chose areas where I feel safe doing so.

a few questions that came to mind as I read your vent.....how old are you and what kind of riding do you do now and what kind of bike do you have now?

OK, so I suspect that really the best thing for you was to simply take the time to write out your frustrations. I hope that writing that out helped. Sounds like you need to do a pro and con listing and write out your specific goals in life and your goals for exercise and recreation.

Finally, did you really want to know our opinions? If you didn't don't read on.........don't buy the bike. don't get back into racing. :)

Think about your housemate. She almost lost you! I'm betting she's terrified at the thought of you taking risks again.

She doesn't have short-term memory loss.

She remembers the accident and the time in the hospital.

She knows the consequences.

She might be the best guide. And if, as you say, you are still having "off days" from an accident 5 years ago, please listen to her.

I don't mean to sound harsh, but head-injuries are notorious for messing with a person's judgement and sense of risk and consequence.

i can't always put names on faces either.
however, if you want to go 60 mph, drive a car! Bikes are NOT safe at that speed.

I truly believe that people have choices in everything they do in life. There is no "I can't do this because". But you have to be willing to face the consequences of your actions.

From your description, one more crash, one more minor concussion, could take you from functional working individual to partial veggie. If you are still having short term memory loss, you are on the edge.

Sure you could go out and race. But you may not come back the same person that left for that ride. And in this case, the people who would have to pay the price would be your loved ones. They are the ones that would have to follow you around to make sure you don't burn the house down when you leave the stove on, or change your depends.

Having said that, I also firmly believe in living life to it's fullest because we never know how much time we have. You are likely acutely aware of that fact.

So it all comes down to a risk/benefit. How can you enjoy cycling and minimize the risk of further head injury. My suggestion would be to ride recreationally and not race. If you decide to race, TT would be the way to go, but I would never race in anything but ideal conditions.

Finally, listen to your friends and family. The ones that would have to take care of you if you mashed your melon again. Talk it over with them and be very respectful of their opinions. You should be able to find a comprimise.

Well Shawn, you have to sit down and seriously ask yourself if this sport is worth dying for. It is worth becoming a vegetable living in a nursing home somewhere for?

Only you can answer that.

If your answer is no... then why not get a road bike and ride for FUN. Ride with friends... ride with cycling clubs... ride bike rallies and keep it tame.

If your answer is yes...

1) Tell your family and friends you are OK with dying for your sport. Let them know you would rather die doing something you love versus sitting around wishing you could do it.

2) Make sure you have accidental death insurance or a pay out that will cover you living as a vegetable. Let your family know that you have set up insurance to cover you in case of a serious accident or death. Give them all the details of the policy and where they can find the papers. Make sure that your funeral will be covered by the insurance. Funerals can be expensive and your family shouldn't pay for your choices.

3) If you do not want to live on life support for the rest of your life after an accident, make sure you sign papers stating that. That way you family knows it's OK to pull the plug on you.

4) Get a will together. Have the will ready to go, BEFORE you start racing again.


Basically, if you decide to race again, make sure you have everything in order before you do it... be ready to die or to live like a vegatable.

I'm not saying that to drive the point home, I'm saying it so you will make a rational and logical decision based on what you love to do. Also make sure you that have everything in order before you end up in another accident. Don't put a financial burden on your family because you made this decision.

Hey, personally... I think if you love something that much... it's worth dying for. Why sit by miserable... wishing you could be out there... only to end up in a nursing home when you are old? Die young doing what you love.

Good luck on your decision.

I think KSH has it spot on, except I'll add one thing to what she says and that is PLEASE carry an Organ Donor Card.

Sometimes in life we have to diversify often to keep our loved ones happy. Instead of doing competitive racing, perhaps instead you would consider riding for charity? Maybe organise a ride to raise money for the neurological unit that worked so hard on you or to raise money to help brain-damaged people or some similar worthwhile cause?

Racing might be in your blood just now, but given a chance something like what I've suggested could also get in your blood and be very rewarding for you.

I wish you luck in whatever you decide to do.

Well SmilingCat... like KSH and Python and the others, I have no "answer"... but KSH has listed a really good way to approach this if you want to continue cycling.

Personally, I believe it would be hard to give up cycling forever - I still have young children so maybe, if I was in your position, I would give it up til they had finished growing, and then I would probably get back on my bike again because I love it sooo much.

It is a tough call, and I remember an older friend who smoked and had a dreadful diet and was told to give up the nicoteine and the fats and they would get another 5-10 years. He tried for nearly a year, but his quality/enjoyment of life was minimised and he decided he likes smoking, and he liked rich food and did he want to spend an extra few years feeling miserable and eating what he called "rabbit food" or did he want to relish life and enjoy his final years...

He cut his smoking back a little, returned to his old eating habits, started walking and got an extra year before his heart and body gave up as he slept.

Only you can make this decision, I wish you clarity in your thinking.
Arohanui from EnZed

Hi to all,

Feeling tad better today (not to be confused with bitter) :D .

And to answer some questions. Yes I just needed to write. I'm 49 years old. I'll be 50 come Xmas of 07. Xmas baby I am.

Bike I ride currently is '05 Obera Dama Race with Campy Centaur groupo. Wheels are American Classic...

I have always been a roadie. No cyclocross, tri, or MTN biker. I know not to trust myself on Mtn bike. I might like downhill. So I do not tempt fate.

Yes my judgement is somewhat clouded over by my passion more than anything else. And as Road Raven says, its nearly impossible to give up something you love so much. I did manage to stay away from cycling for the last 5 years. Though I will admit I went on half a dozen rides 6 month after the accident. Went riding with someone, who had gone to the US finals. It was a fun ride albeit my shattered left shoulder was still really weak at that time. I also recognized on that ride that I had to give up riding all together.

Yes I have no problem of dying from doing what I love. I can accept that but not to my housemate or to all my close friends. In my nearly 50 years of living, I have done a lot of things most people would be envious. It's my typeA personality.

And yes I value what others have to say. Its just that intersection (remember boolean algebra) of their comments, wishes ... and what I love to do is pretty small.

The rides I do are recreational im my book. My average speed overall is around 18MPH, stretches of it around 23MPH and top speed around 35MPH. I'm really timid around hair-pin turns and will slow down. Enter the turn around 19MPH and exit the turns around 22MPH. A far cry...

And to KSH. yes my financial are mostly in order. I need to redo few things. I wish there was a way of transferring my assets to my housemate without the intrusion of state/fed gov when I die. My housemate and I are bestest of friends. We are not lesbian couple. but we see ourselves more like a family. sisters of sort.

And to Python. In california we just put a mark on the organ donor on our DL. I should.

As much as I like to buy the bike, I can find ton of reasons why I should. But I do value my housemates well being so I think I'll forgo the TT bike.

1. It'll be fun to ride.
2. It'll be a riot to be in TTs. masters women cat 4 gosh can it be any slower?? any riders in this catagory??
3. if I decide I can sell the bike for maybe just $500 less than what I pay for.
...

I guess I need to spend more time on my cookie business and get back into my pottery. Have two wheels. Several kilns. Okay so this girl's got way too many toys.

or work on some other pet projects like be part of solution to global warming. Have ideas on solar power stuff. Yes I'm still a pretty decent engineer.

And yes I do value all of your comments. and Thank you.

Shawn

If you have your housemate's name on your accounts, when (and hopefully a long time from now) one of you dies, those accounts will transfer to the survivor. At least that's my layman understanding of it. Ask a lawyer! :p

Hey there again, cat

Just picked up on point #2 in your last post.

A TT would be a great way to get speed and maximum effort in a minimal risk race situation.

TTs are "supposed" to be flat - so not usually too many treacherous fast descents...

TTs are ridden on your own, so you don't have to worry about other riders being stupid and risking your safety - or conversely, if you feel dizzy or something, you place no-one else at risk as you slow or wobble.

Your speeds are way above what we do... my partner and sons race pace is 40-45kph... but their training rides usually average around 28-30, sometimes less, because going fast all the time is not always necessarily the best training. My average training speed is about 25-26kph, and my race pace is about 30-32 kph (and climbing slowly). Mind you, we have only coarse chip roads - no smooth seal in this country except patches in cities.

But back to TTs... I think they would be a way to race competitively and alleviate your flatmate-sister/friend's anxiety...

Road ~always-been-a-roadie-too~ Raven