Aargh -- it's just a rant
Can't help but wonder why I do these things to myself, but also don't seem to wonder too deeply, cuz if I did, I'd quit! And of course I KNOW BETTER!
I'm getting ready to spend the next few weeks traveling, so needed to go through my wardrobe and pick out all that "businessy" clothes that I really never wear except for about twice a year.
BAD news. I expected that, since it was a really bad weight year -- good thing I rode those almost a thousand miles last summer/fall, or it would be even worse. Anyway, didn't exactly put on most of those clothes, and took them all back off and hung them up again in the "don't bother taking that along" part of the closet.
So, after "shopping" in my own closet with fitting room disastrous results, I trekked off to the mall for more humiliation. Tried on LOTS of clothes, with varying results. It was FUN when they were just plain too big, it was disappointing when they were just plain too small, but there was LOTS of stuff that was somewhere in the right neighborhood, but hung just plain wrong.
I did find things to spend my money on (coulda put a new bike in the car instead) and went home, thinking, it's lunch time, and yet, I should never eat again. And thinking, I'll eat a "one bread sandwich" -- how much damage can that do, right?
(other thoughts going through my head -- I'll walk lots in the airports, I'll do laps around the hotel, up the stairs, down the stairs, etc. instead of just lounging in my room, and I'll bring the stretchy cable, and do some crunches and such instead of just lounging, and I'll find healthy snacks to munch, and...)
HOWEVER.....
That's not how I ate, and those of us who do like me and eat away disappointment, especially when lunch time is happening too late, probably know just how it went -- there's that yummy heel of the fresh bread grandson and I made last night, and warmed, with butter, it was very tasty. Hmm, should add some protein, and it should be lean. No, that's too much work, how about a spoonful of that peanut butter someone left on the counter instead. (jif, made by smuckers) And some instant pudding -- sugar free, at least, and I should drink milk now and then, but....
Looking back, maybe it wasn't the disaster it could have been, but it sure had that out of control, just fill up my body with crap feeling!
Not a nice day for riding, well, maybe it was, but threatening rain all day, so instead, I've been working at my computer, doing last minute prep for the trip, and sitting on my special ball chair, which is a good thing -- it's active sitting, and helps my posture, and makes my butt and hamstring muscles ache, and my back muscles are reacting too. Even my feet, cuz I'm holding myself up, you know. They're not feeling strong and healthy yet, I guess! That's probably why the owner's manual said just an hour a day for the first couple of weeks. Wanna bet I'm doing that?
(got rid of the "cushy" office chair a couple of weeks ago, when daughter was settling into her nail salon space and wanted a chair. Offered her mine, cuz it was the right color and comfort level for clients. She worried about taking my "good" chair, but I said, no, I need to start really using this cool chair I've got that's supposed to help me get in better shape!)
Also cat tossing -- he keeps getting in the way and needs to be tossed to the floor, which seems to repel him today, since he keeps coming right back!
It's been a wake up call, I tell you, but I'm also pretty good at falling back to sleep, so hopefully I've had enough sleep to get myself back on track and stop this foolishness!
Karen in Boise
