Depression and cycling

[Irulan]

I occasionally see allusions to depression, anti-depressants, other treatments in different threads.

I know that on some days it seems like cycling is the only thing that keeps me from going down, or other forms of exercise. The medications have seriously improved my day to day life.

anyone care to discuss?

Irulan

[Adventure Girl]

I had an injury that kept me from working out for over a month. I was SOOOOOOOOOOOO depressed. It was the longest I had gone without working out in more than 15 years!!! I don't know if there is any scientific proof that shows that working out makes you "high" (endorphins, I guess), but I sure missed it.

I was upset that I couldn't work out. I was upset that I couldn't ride my bike. I was upset that I was gaining weight. It was just horrible. I actually cried. (Now looking back, I feel really sorry for my poor husband through all of it!).

I wonder if the depression would have gone away if I never worked out again. But once I recovered it felt so good to work out again. I wanted to scream, "It's great to be alive!"

[kpc]

I know for sure that exercise is keeping me WAY more postive and I sleep better than i have since early childhood. I think that when I will have to take breaks, it will stress me out. I just love the relaxation I feel after a good work out!
What would be really nice would be an antidepressant that I could just take a few days a month for PMS! Instead i just try to keep myself out of trouble and do more aerobics for those few days. And riding just calms my mind, it's the best. The visual stuff and the sweating are so good for me.

[aka_kim]

I find exercise in general, and cycling specifically, to be hugely helpful in dealing with stress and depression. My bike is a relatively inexpensive form of psychotherapy.

VeloNews just had an article about cycling and depression, http://www.velonews.com/train/articles/5584.0.html, suddenly newsworthy after Marco Pantani's death.

[Irulan]

for about 2 years, I took mid cycle prozac, for about 10 days a month for severe PMS that was eventually diagnosed as PMDD( pre menstual dysphoria disorder) becaue my mid cycle depression was very severe, not your garden variety *****iness or blues. It really helped: I had to track everying very carefully. I was working with a really great nurse practicioner at the time.

After further diagnosis, a look into family history of mental illness and other factors, I'm on a daily antidepressant ( for a variety of other additional reasons) which accomplished the same thing, plus some additional things. I'm working with an MD-psychiatrst now, and life is much better

Irulan

[kpc]

you took mid cycle medication and this helped w the PMS? So you didn't have to take it all month? Was there a problem on tthe first few days after you finished that month's dose?
Glad you were able to work thru all of this. Were you cycling during these years or did you take it up after the treatments?

[newfsmith]

I used to run a fair amount (~50 miles/week) until a car ran a red light and ran into me. As I was heading for the pavement I remember looking up at the traffic signal and thinking "If I don't survive this, Dan won't know I had the green light and will wonder if this is how I killed myself." At that point I hadn't found a bike that fit me and I got my sweat fix by running. Although I got out of that without any serious injuries, my knees just kept giving out on me every time I got back to 3 miles, and that just wasn't enough for me so I quit. I felt like crying everytime I saw someone running. Ultimately I did go onto daily zoloft, which has been good, but there is one major difference between zoloft and cycling. Zoloft just lets me feel good if I feel good, cycling makes me feel good. For me it takes both.

[Irulan]

Originally posted by kpc
you took mid cycle medication and this helped w the PMS? So you didn't have to take it all month? Was there a problem on tthe first few days after you finished that month's dose?
Glad you were able to work thru all of this. Were you cycling during these years or did you take it up after the treatments?

well, I've always been active. If I wasn't cycling, I was walking, working out, hiking skiing. Sometimes activity is all that kept me from sliding into a depressive abyss. I've got some serious biochemical issues going on, and SEVERE PMS is just one part of it. Understand, this is not garden variety pms: I was unable to function. It's the kind of PMS where you are suicidal. You can look up PMDD if you want. So, yes it did help a lot. But I had other low grade, constant depressive issues that had to be treated seperately, and once they were managed the PMDD was managed also, tho it flares up about once every 6 months or so.

I've got a seriously screwed up family medical history of depressive issues. We can track all sorts of things ( bi-polar, suicides, depression) back 3-4 generations, and in various branches. At least there are better treatments available now than there were 100 years ago.

hth?

I.

[snapdragen]

I too have a family history of depression. Combine that with the typical "don't talk about it and it won't exist" northern European family, imagine my surprise when I found out a family member had been hospitalized in the 50's! I thought it was just me, then my nephew took an overdose. He's fine now, but God only know how many others in my family are dealing with it. I've been very open with my nieces and nephews, hopefully they'll have an easier time than I did.

I too take a daily anti depressant. It probably is why I'm here today! I'll never forget, after the first two weeks of taking Zoloft, waking up one morning and actually looking forward to the day. Looking back now, I can understand why I did a lot of the things I did in my teens and 20's. Smoking, drinking, you name it, it's all self medication.

I'm so glad I rediscovered cycling in 1999. Like Irulan, I get flare ups every so often. But now I have better tools to deal with it, and I love life!

[grannydea]

For me right now cycling is my anti-depressent. My mother has been given 6 months to a year and I can not be there on an everyday basis as we live 15 hours from eachother. Anyway riding gives me something to divert the thoughts. I go for a ride and think about speed cadance heart rate ect. It takes away the guilt that I am dealing with. Self induiced guilt but guilt just the same. Anyway if it weren't for riding and workouts I am sure I would be crying all the time or worse.
Dea

[doctorfrau]

Oh my, how long of a dissertation do you want on Depression and SSRI's???

My depressive "crash" was a major factor in my mid-life crisis. I would literally stand in the shower and SOB! I would wake up at 2 AM and not be able to get back to sleep - and SOB. I thought about how my life and marriage was going to continue to be one unending desert of boredom, unhappiness and lack of love - and SOB. I lost 27 pounds (no appetite for me was waaaaaay abnormal - I would have 5 bites and feel literally sick to my stomach) I power-walked to try to run away from it, but exercise wasn't enough. It got to the point where on my 5 AM walks I would hear a car coming behind me and think-- gee, I'd only have to take one big sudden step to the left....

It took me a month or two to figure out what this was, and took me another couple months to figure out that it was NOT going to go away by itself. I thought I could beat it, and didn't want to have to do medication, but a very wise physician pointed out to me that since this is a biochemistry thing, that trying to 'willpower' my way out of it made as much sense as a diabetic or a person who was hypothyroid trying to "bootstrap" themselves out of their condition!

I got a counselor and agreed to medication because a dear friend admitted to me that she was on medication and I saw how much it had helped her. IF she hadn't said that - who knows- I could be dead by now.

Because of that, I try to be VERY open about that fact that I take daily medication for Depression. I have been on Zoloft for almost 4 years and experimented with adding a tad of Welbutrin last year. I got a divorce, applied and was accepted to medical school, and I am the happiest that I ever remember being in my life!

It's not magic - I also took some hard looks at my life and my approach to it, did some spiritual reawakening, and some self-esteem re-assessment, but I am totally not the same person that I was 10 years ago. In retrospect, I think that I was teetering on the brink of depression for many years ( called Dysthymia), and it took the final fall into the abyss for me to recognize it. It was one of the hardest periods of my life, but I wouldn't give it back, because it was also a turning point.

So if anyone recognizes some of these symptoms in themselves, please, please talk to a doctor or counselor ---- it could change - or SAVE-- your life!

Sleeplessness (or excessive sleeping)
Excessive irritability or anger
Guilt or anxiety
Emotional lability (mood swings)
Feelings of worthlessness or hopelessness
Lack of interest in things that you used to enjoy
Sudden gain or loss of weight/loss of appetite
Thoughts of suicide

/steps down off soapbox


:D

[snowtulip]

Hi Everyone,
I agree, riding my bike has been a great anti-depressant! I have epilepsy and was put on a new medication that left me weak and tired for months (I literally slept about 12-14 hours a day). I was so bummed about having to deal with this, plus the fact that I was too tired to even ride. But I started practicing bunny hops, going off small drops, etc. (this didn't take a large amount of energy, but at least I was on my bike). It did a world of good, the anti-seizure medication I'm on does affect mood and when I haven't been on my bike for a while, the depression starts to kick in. Luckily, this site is keeping me motivated to ride my bike even on the cold days. We all deserve a stable happy life, so it's great to see everyone talking about these issues and sharing what works for them.
Enjoy!:D

[Dogmama]

I've been active for years, but riding is what keeps my depression at bay - that and my daily dose of lexapro. I, too, have severe PMS and I'm also perimenopausal. So, my PMS is amplified by a factor of ten. Two months ago, my husband was diagnosed with colon cancer and has had tons of complications just from the surgery - we haven't even gotten to chemo yet. My entire life has changed with the exception of my riding (except that I haven't been able to get out much). Riding is the one thing that remains constant.

I was glad to read Irulan's post & think I may pay my shrink a visit. This has been the worst thing that has ever happened to me. Trying to work, plus take care of him (daily IV drips & bandage changes) plus the constant worry is taking a huge toll. I completely fall apart about every 7-10 days.

One thing I'm grateful for is that the days are getting longer and warmer, so I can get back on my bike. Even a 45 minute ride, if I do a lot of sprints & hills, can totally alter my day.

[kpc]

I've been gone for the day. just returned to read all of this. thanks for sharing, i've got a lot to think about.

[Irulan]

Everyone, thanks for sharing. I wanted to open the door on this both for "safe" sharing, and more because I feel it's a topic that DOES need to be discussed and not hidden.


KPC, I'm gently suggesting that if you have drepressive issues to go see someone, whether it's your family doc, a GOOD therapist, or a MD psychiatrist. For a long time I felt that if I was fine I shouldn't have to take pills to improve my quality of life, but I slowly got it that brain chemical malfunction is no different that a diabetic having to handle their insulin issues, or any other medical situation that needs managing. Sure , AD's are like any other medication, some are just handed out with out looking at what may be causing the depression by well meaning but busy or undeducated medical pros.

There can be many causes of depression whether it's strictly bio chemical, unresloved trauma or even short term stress and overload, or any combonation of the above.


I too take a daily anti depressant. It probably is why I'm here today! I'll never forget, after the first two weeks of taking Zoloft, waking up one morning and actually looking forward to the day.

that is exacly how I feel. Once we got the right medication going, it was like a grey shadow that I lived with every single day was lifted. A GOOD therapist can help too... gave me tools to handle the anxiety that still flares up, plus we were able to root out the other issues left over from an abuse ridden childhood. Hehe, I say good becuase there are some really bad ones out there with agendas and motives that have nothing to do with healing YOU.

Irulan

[victoria]

thank you Irulan for opening the door on this one.
i would like to ad that if anybody out there is suffering -- get help-- do it now... depression can be a horribly debilitating and closeted disease. i know too. i was diagnosed about 15 yrs ago and have been on and off of medication since then. that's what motivated me to get my first "real" bike, a giant rincon weighing about 430 lbs. i loved that bike and i sincerely believe it kept me alive. cycling is still the most effective therapy for me. sets me free. ok, off of the soap box.
victoria

[snapdragen]

Originally posted by victoria
that's what motivated me to get my first "real" bike, a giant rincon weighing about 430 lbs.

Wow, that's one big a$$ bike :D

Seriously though, I think it's fantastic that we feel comfortable enough to share our stories. Thanks Irulan for starting the thread!

[ChainsOflove]

My cycling is my life raft from depression.

I've done the meds for 5 years, they are great but they can't do it all.

[trekchic]

YES.......I AM NOT WIERD!!!!!!!!!!

BTW: Thank you ANNIE for being my sounding board during my rough times a few months ago!

Depression is something we "superwomen" don't want to admit to...simply because it makes us feel inferior. Women judge each other WAAAAAAY too much!

As I have posted before, I suffer from "situational depression". I didn't really think about that when I was 1st diagnosed; thought it was just a clinical term........then I took a look at the words.... and thought, "....oh, the situation I am in makes me depressed!" That made so much sense to me! I have been on Effexor XR for about 7 months.......and it takes about 4 weeks to even feel the effects. I just this week weened off of it. I decided to see if I am any better emotionally. I also have been to a therapist (not a phsychiatrist, but a women's health phsychologist). She did wonders for me by making me look at the situation I am in to see what I could change to help me cope with or significantly reduce the feelings of despair and down-in-the-dumps. It's different for everyone....you have to find yours!

If I find I can't cope without the meds, I will definitely go back on them. It beats crying all day and having those, "my life sucks" thoughts running thru my head all day!

Biking for me is.........freedom. When I told Cindy, my therapist that, she said, "...that tells me everything I need to know!"

The best word of advice I can give...........TALK ABOUT YOUR SYMPTOMS WITH SOMEONE YOU TRUST! Talk about how you feel with a best girlfriend; find someone if you don't already have someone to talk to! It will make a difference.....trust me!

[Irulan]

Originally posted by trekchic
YES.......I AM NOT WIERD!!!!!!!!!!
The best word of advice I can give...........TALK ABOUT YOUR SYMPTOMS WITH SOMEONE YOU TRUST! Talk about how you feel with a best girlfriend; find someone if you don't already have someone to talk to! It will make a difference.....trust me!

my thoughts are this, talk to someone you can trust that is knowledgable and has tools and the ability to help you. A family doc, a therapist etc. Friends are great for listening but I've found that one can alienate people who don't understand or are scared off, or you can get a lot of well meaning but useless advice.



just my 2¢

Irulan

[victoria]

i would second Irulan's wonderful advice...
talk to someone you trust to start the process of healing and then see a professional -- a good one-- you wouldn't think of asking your friends to set a broken bone... give your broken spirit the same consideration. climbing off of the soapbox now...
victoria

[trekchic]

Hey, gals! I haven't been on the board for a while & let me tell you why!!!!!!!!!......

I posted a while back that I suffer from depression; not just your everday chemical depression....it's situational (clinical diagnosis). The good news is, once the "situation" rights itself, I'll snap out. The bad news is, until the "situation" rights itself, I can't snap out! I know, some of you are rolling your eyes and saying..."...get over it girl.........don't be so weak!" I used to be one of those people who said that. Not any more. Depression is nothing to take lightly. Not only is it difficult to function (can't get "it" off my mind) but it's hard to keep from hurting those around you as well.

All this being said, the reason I've not been on the computer or my bike or anything else fun for a while until recently is because I decided to face my depression without meds! I woke up one morning and decided today was the day I either started to change things or accepted them the way they are and grow up! Ok, it's a little harder than that. I had to ween off the meds (Effexor XR) for 2 weeks......makes you feel like you have the flu! I was dizzy to the point of not being able to drive for days! My body ached, my head ached, I threw up......you name it I suffered with it for an additional 2 weeks after coming off the meds. But, I'm happy to report that I am free of all chemicals associated with the depression! I'm not cured, I'm not over it, I'm not happy, but I AM me! Take it or leave it!

One word of advice for those of you considering Effexor: I'm not sure I would recommend it. It's supposed to be non-addictive, but apparently that's not the case. Tread lightly! It is scary coming back down from it!

Any way......I'm back on my bike (well, in the trainer mostly) doing my intervals........hate 'em........working on my cardio.......trying to get this 10 lbs back off........went thru an eating binge when I was coming off the meds....trying to function as a normal human being!

I am praying for everyone on this board right now who suffers with clinical, situational, chemical.......or other types of depression. I am right there with you! OK: my therapy session is over! Great to be back is all I can say!

Kim in TN

[MightyMitre]

Great to have you back trekchic!! Make sure you keep us all posted of your progress.:) :)

[Irulan]

I posted a while back that I suffer from depression; not just your everday chemical depression....it's situational (clinical diagnosis). The good news is, once the "situation" rights itself, I'll snap out. The bad news is, until the "situation" rights itself, I can't snap out! I know, some of you are rolling your eyes and saying..."...get over it girl.........don't be so weak!" I used to be one of those people who said that. Not any more. Depression is nothing to take lightly. Not only is it difficult to function (can't get "it" off my mind) but it's hard to keep from hurting those around you as well.

I dont' think you'll get that "snap out of it" from this group!!! Congrats on getting back out. I know when I was at my worst point, it was so hard to do that. I had days when I would look out my window and finally force myself out. I was a big walker then ( 5 mile loops from my house) and I knew if I could just get it together to put my shoes on I would feel soooo much better. It always worked too, but just getting there was the hard part.

I"m thinking of you and your trainer... sometimes just doing it is the hard part but you feel so much better afterwards.

Any chance of getting out in the sunshine?

hugs

Irulan

[snapdragen]

You'll never hear a "snap out of it" from me! A friend said that to me at one of my darkest times...well, let's call her an ex friend now!

I think all the antidepressants have side effects when you stop taking them, so I guess that is a form of addiction. I'd rather look at it as my brain chemistry is finally normal. My depression is different from your's, I would be in a very dark place, for no reason at all. It got harder and harder to come back, so the drugs are a life saver for me.

It sounds like you've got a good handle on your depression. Remember though, when you hit the low spots, there are people here that know exactly what you are going through - so please don't suffer in silence!

Janet

[doctorfrau]

Originally posted by trekchic

But, I'm happy to report that I am free of all chemicals associated with the depression! I'm not cured, I'm not over it, I'm not happy, but I AM me! Take it or leave it!

One word of advice for those of you considering Effexor: I'm not sure I would recommend it. It's supposed to be non-addictive, but apparently that's not the case. Tread lightly! It is scary coming back down from it!
Kim in TN


Hi Kim,

First of all Good Luck with your situation - we are behind you!

With that said, I just wanted to clarify a few things about depression and medication. Regarding "addiction" to antidepressants, just in case your statement scared anybody, this is not actually an addiction. Taking Valium can make you addicted, taking Oxycontin can make you addicted, BUT taking one of the SSRI's or related meds like Effexor is NOT an addiction in that sense. It is not the same thing - that's like saying you can become addicted to food.

Effexor and some other depression meds work by increasing the availability of serotonin in your body. Where we want it to work is in your brain synapses, but serotonin is also an important signaller in places like your Stomach, Intestines and blood vessels. If you suddenly remove the supply of that signaller, the body reacts. It's sort of the same way as when you go on a drastic diet - you feel crappy, you are hungry all the time, you feel weak. If you stay on it for awhile you stop being so hungry and stop feeling so crappy, because your body has adapted to the new " lower" level of operation. It's that same thing with serotonin. Your body needs it and uses it all the time all over your body, but if it is suddenly not there, your body has to adjust to conserving and using what you have, and that takes time.

Also, "situational" depression, " clinical depression", " Unipolar depression", " Major Depression".... are ALL clinical diagnoses, and they are ALL chemical. Depression can be brought on by all kinds of things, from genetics, to chronic stress hormones like cortisol, to environmental factors like ambient light levels, to other hormone levels like hypothyroidism or estrogen fluctuations. There are all kinds of "causes", but it is ALL depression.:)

[Irulan]

thanks for the clarification, doctorfrau... I've experienced similar side effects when going off one ad and then switching to another. My doc refers to it more as the body's adapting to the drug, and then adapting again when the drug is removed from the system. Same as when you take bc pills and then go off of them, or any other long term non addictive drug. (right?)

Irulan

[doctorfrau]

EXACTLY like that, Irulan;)

[MightyMitre]

Just out of interest does anyone have any thoughts on why there seems to be so much depression around these days?

Is it our lifestyles? Do we put so much pressure on ourselves to be super-human and perfect, as we rush around trying to live up to false expectations and then falter under the strain?

Or, is it just the same as it ever was but is no longer being hidden under the carpet with people no longer prepared to accept it as one-of-those-things ? :cool:

[Irulan]

I think that to a certain degree, it's always been with us, but not identified or dealt with. There is less stigma nowadays. Think back.. how many people do you know of that had "nervous breakdowns"?

I'd also agree that the modern rat race contributes, but more I think it's that people are more willing to acknowledge the effefcts of bad things in their lives, whether high levels of stress, abuse, or other unpleasantness.

just my 2¢ as usual

Irulan

[trekchic]

I think there have been millions and millions of people who suffered/are suffering from depression who never really know. They just wait to "snap out of it" and never seek help. I have done that a lot in the past, knowing my "sadness" would pass. However, this time, I knew it wouldn't! I cried for 30 days straight. When I wasn't crying, I was MAAAAAAAAAAD! at the world, at God, at everyone! I knew I had a problem.

But my situation is different from the normal depression as it is linked to a "situation" of itself. I don't know how you move on past something when it affects you heart so deeply! I am going on 8 months......not crying anymore, but I still think about the situation every minute of every day. I know, without a doubt, that if the right "circumstance" happened, my depression would instantly be over! Does that make sense? Yes, you guessed it... I am nursing a broken heart!

Oh, well.......my heart goes out to everyone battling this monster like I am. It's not fun! The only time I am not in the depths of despair is when I am tremendously busy with sales calls or riding my bike. So, I ride as often as possible!

Just my situation.......I'm sure others suffer differently.

[grannydea]

I personally think depression has been around for years. It just now has a new name. Before it was "having the blues" or "heart ache" , "down in the dumps" or as some one said "having a nervous breakdown". Everyone would say "snap out of it" from lack of understanding that one just dosn't snap out of it. Now we have a better idea what it is and how to treat and deal with it.
Thank- you God for advancing modern medicine. We all experence it some time in our lives. Some for longer periods of time that requires meds to help. The big thing like you all have said one needs to acknowledge it, address it, and if need be get help from a professional. The only way it can be a weekness is if we let it be by not acepting it and dealing with it. So ladys Please if it is around for more than a couple of weeks is not getting better Please Please get some help.
Dea

[missliz]

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[trekchic]

I am thankful about this thread simply because it opened my eyes to how many people out there suffer from the same "affliction" I do. That is extremely comforting for me. I don't like the stigma that goes along with the illness, and it is a medical condition!, but seeking help shouldn't be a concern to anyone (just like "hey doc, it hurts when I do this"!)

I am just reporting in that I have been off the meds for a little over a month and have been a little miserable sometimes, a little melancholy sometimes and happy sometimes...when I am very sad, I cry my heart out; when I am not, I try to think on other things. Sometimes it helps, sometimes not. I will say that getting off to myself and praying or meditating or talking outloud to no one who can judge me......that's as good therapy as the $90 per hour I was doing before!

I am working on my depression daily, coping mechanisms and all! Thanks for letting me rant!

Kim in TN

[doctorfrau]

To Kim,

That's great. Hang in there! We each have to deal with our illnesses in the the way that is right for "us". Keep on pedaling!:)


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[missliz]

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[missliz]

My other comment on this- At LSU Dept of Psychiatry cycling is actively promoted as part of treatment, once people are stable and don't have any woozies. It really does work, there've been lots of studies both biologocal and in the purely emotional arena, that support this. Most people know how to ride a bike, it's a very accessable sport on all levels. Phenylethylamine is the joy molecule it makes; great stuff! So yeah, you are doing yourself a lot of good with that bike girls.

Treckchic- if you're still crying, that's not a good sign. For me it's a marker that I'm sick. Please think about talking to somebody. If you hated your Pdoc or the meds you used, there's other doctors, a whole new generation of anti depresants coming out, support groups, always more possibilities. I know it's exhausting and overwhelming to deal with but there's the day you suddenly realize "this is how the other people live, it's nice".

[doctorfrau]

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[Irulan]

I just want to check in and see how everyone is doing...

hugs

irulan

[betagirl]

Having crohn's disease, biking is definitely an outlet for me to burn off some frustrations, etc. I wouldn't consider myself depressed though. My biggest fear as this fun disease progresses is that one day my GI will tell me I can't ride any more. I'd probably tell him to stuff it :D I also have complications that lead me to have surgeries on my butt, which really makes riding hard. I had one last August and was out of the saddle until March.

I just keep peddaling though. I will ride until I'm physically unable to do so. Then I'll put in another 10 miles :)

[Biking Kitsune]

When I moved to Eugene, I went into a fairly severe depression because although I'd just gotten married, I was on depo provera which killed my libido (totally) and every time my husband would even touch me, I'd snap at him... beside that I had just left all my friends and family 2000 miles behind me. He was employed and I stayed at home trying to do a bit of art work etc, but it wasn't working for me... I would cry for hours and not be able to explain it to him... though he was a sweetie and tried his hardest to understand, giving me backrubs until I fell asleep, etc. In Jan. he got me a job with his company, and it helped, but I still felt the depression. Then we went to Good Will, and I got my first bike in my new home... a big, honkin' Huffy mtn. bike that must weigh 40 pounds... but it was my liberation. Now I ride in the mornings and to work, flying through the paved trails, working my endurance etc up to where I can really tackle other trails... Besides that, biking helps my husband get out, and the excercise is really helping him manage his diabetes... now if only I could get him to test his blood glucose as often as he should ;)

[magrat22]

That's exactly how I felt Biking Kitsune, I moved 3 years ago to Canada from Ireland. Had just got married and 3 months later I was in a strange country that the only person I knew was my husband and his mother. I still miss my family and friends and some days I just hate that we had to move as I had a really good job and a great social life...but gradually things are getting better. I'm still trying to find a job that I like or at least doesn't make me cry everytime I think about going in. I've got a lovely little guinea pig who is such a character and hops up and down on my feet if he senses I'm down. I've also recently started biking although I unfortuanlty injured my knee 2 weeks ago so haven't been out on the bike since but hope to by the end of this week.

Anyway it's great to hear that I'm not the only one.

Kerri.

[MightyMitre]

magrat22 - LOVE your guinea pig!! What a sweetie! I've got 4 of my own and I find it very soothing stroking and talking to them when I'm down.

Pets are great - they're totally unjudgemental, won't answer back, and can take hours of stroking and grooming. All they ask for in return in their favourite snack.

Pets for all - that's what I say and if you don't have one of your own see if you can 'borrow' a friends every so often. It's good for you...:)

PS www.Caviesgalore.com has a great forum for all you guinea pig fans out there.:D

[magrat22]

Thanks MightyMitre they really are great pets. He's so funny as he really doesn't like being picked up but will fall asleep on my feet for hours (makes it difficult when I need to pee :o) without a problem.

[Biking Kitsune]

Yeah, my husband got me a little tortie kitten a little bit ago, and she is SO much fun. =) If I'm just sitting around, she "knows" I should be up and doing things, that's just the way it is, so she nips my feet ro jumps on me, then runs to the doorway, stops to see if I'm chasing yet, and repeats if I'm not... Then she'll make a big show of fluffing out her tail and dancing around on her tiptoes to seem like some big furry monster. At that point in the 'game' I either have to tip her over and 'fight' with her, tickling her tummy while she nips and kicks (all with her little claws tucked) or she'll take it I'm 'hiding' so she has to chase *me* around the house. I never get to sit still anymore! The nice thing is, when she's tired, she'll curl up with me and sleep for hours... perfect kitty blend of hyper and cuddly. :D

She's my avatar, btw:p

[spazzdog]

It took me a very long time to agree to meds... I knew I was depressed, but believed I could 'do it on my own'.

After a broken relationship, I sank lower and lower, doing the dance with ideas of suicide, never leaving the house except for work, stopped exercising, etc. Work was a kind of oasis, believe it or not.

Then that changed. A new mgr, a new colleague and over the next year, all went to hell in a handbasket. From Nov 2002 until May 2003 I got more and more depressed. Panic attacks, went down to 108 lbs (I'm 5'7"), slept maybe 2 hrs per week. My therapist cld my doctor... I went to see doctor. 1) Together, they pulled me out of work on disability. 2) I was put on Celexa and sleeping pills.

I have been diagnosed with Post Traumatic Disorder... it is doubtful that I will ever be able to return to work in my field or any other. I can't be around people (in person) anymore. This website, up to now, is my 'social' life.

The meds help... therapy helps. And now cyling is helping. My therapist gave me homework... try to go on a group ride. It took me 2 weeks but I went on one today. I'm going to try to go on one each weekend.

I'm thankful for the group here... I don't feel so cut off.

Thanks! Spazz

[Trek420]

spazzdog wrote:
"...The meds help... therapy helps. And now cyling is helping. My therapist gave me homework... try to go on a group ride. It took me 2 weeks but I went on one today. I'm going to try to go on one each weekend.

I'm thankful for the group here... I don't feel so cut off."

welcome to the group spazz, you'll find this is a suportive group.

It's not something I talk about with anyone really, even very close friends but I've been there, done that, there was no depression t-shirt ;-)

I'm just not gonna go there about how bad it was. I feel that meds, even briefly may allow one to do the work, mentaly, emotionaly, workout wise, diet-nutrition, spiritualy etc that brought me back anywayz.

Good for you for going on a group ride.

~Trek

[spazzdog]

Trel420 wrote:

It's not something I talk about with anyone really, even very close friends but I've been there, done that, there was no depression t-shirt

That's what it's all missing... a derned T-shirt! I figure treat it with irreverense, bluff it with levity, laugh at it once you've cried the old tear ducs dry.

I've considered printing some up with slogans like:

-better living through chemistry
-O.K. - who ate all the good anti-depressants
-in recovery... from recovery

And, lest I forget, thanks for the support trek420.

[Trek420]

spazzdog wrote:

"That's what it's all missing... a derned T-shirt! I figure treat it with irreverense, bluff it with levity, laugh at it once you've cried the old tear ducs dry."

No, I don't mean to make light, it wasn't funny in the midst of it, looking back there were no moments of "someday we'll look back on this and laugh". Even now I am thankfull that I (and we here?) emerged with sense of humor intact or emerged at all. Prob'bly some good cartoon material in there somewhere as well as your t-shirts.

"I've considered printing some up with slogans like:
-better living through chemistry
-O.K. - who ate all the good anti-depressants
-in recovery... from recovery"

-"give me the chocolate and no one gets hurt" has been done ;-)

"And, lest I forget, thanks for the support trek420."

de nada, anytime :rolleyes:

[Irulan]

I have been diagnosed with Post Traumatic Disorder..

Thanks! Spazz [/B]

it is treatable, just hang in there and do the work. Even when it hurts. I've btdt that with PTSD, spent a couple of years in a survivors' group, and slowly moved back to functioning.

Irulan

[bounceswoosh]

spazz --

sometimes it's amazing to me how many people have dealt with serious depression. A lot of your story sounds familiar to me, though to a lesser degree. I didn't lose quite as much weight (did get asked if I had an eating disorder by coworkers, though). I couldn't sleep until I'd played video games to exhaustion to get my brain to shut down; various feelings about the breakup left me miserable about myself.

I finally saw a therapist and a psychiatrist, but oddly enough, the thing that seemed to work was to make the mistake of getting back together with my ex. He had turned into a right bastard, and my anger at what he put me through the second time around has burned away any feeling of guilt or regret. I just hope, for his sake, that I never lay eyes on him again.

Life is weird. I'm glad that things are getting better for you. It's great that this board can be a safe place for you. I think it's a safe place for a lot of us, in different ways.

I hope I'm not being too intrusive by offering you a hug. *hug*

[Trek420]

hope I'm not being too intrusive either, (((((((( group hug ))))))))

[Adventure Girl]

Originally posted by spazzdog
From Nov 2002 until May 2003 I got more and more depressed. I have been diagnosed with Post Traumatic Disorder... it is doubtful that I will ever be able to return to work in my field or any other. I can't be around people (in person) anymore. This website, up to now, is my 'social' life.

I'm thankful for the group here... I don't feel so cut off.
You have shown that you are a lot stronger than you think you are! When you're at a low point in your life, it is difficult to see how much you have accomplished, but from your description here, you're tougher than you let on. After the broken relationship, the only thing that kept you going was work. But when that crashed, you still didn't give in!

You say you can't be around people anymore, but you've accomplished a big step in going on a group ride. And you say that this website is your "social" life, but you've only been a member for a week! You survived a long time without TE! Survival isn't the same as thriving, but it's a lot better than defeat!

Sometimes you have to consider maintaining your position as a victory! A line from a Bruce Springsteen song: "Like soldiers in the winter's night with a vow to defend
No retreat, baby, no surrender!"

Dig down deep. Your bag of tricks is deeper than you realize!

[trekchic]

As far as relationships go, none are easy. I accept that fact... there's no perfect people on this earth.......if you are perfect, please identify yourself so I can worship you in person!;)

I am speaking from a broken heart, and from an angry heart when I say this! I know later in life, I'll look back on these feelings and retract this statement:

When I put my happiness in someone else's hands.......I set myself up for pain. When I base my future on someone else's actions, reactions or involvement........I set myself up for pain. When it's all said and done........it's just me and my God at the end of the day! I have to learn to live like that and not let ANYONE else be so involved in my happiness that it shatters when they let me down. And everyone WILL let me down at some point in our relationship. It's inevitable.......I'll let others down. I just have to learn how to put it all in perspective!

Some of you know about the past year and how hard it has been for me......... well, I was just beginning to see the light between the trees. I was just beginning to let go of the cause of my pain. I hadn't cried in at least 2 weeks! Milestone! :rolleyes: I am right back where I started: I am part owner of a business with my father and my brother. (DON'T GO INTO BUSINESS WITH YOUR FAMILY OR FRIENDS......IT WILL RUIN YOUR RELATIONSHIP) My brother and I have the daily responsibility of running the business and my father has the responsibility of making our lives hell! We have 10 employees on the payroll and this week, I have to let everyone go and try to sell the business! My brother and I questioned some decisions that were made without consulting with us (it started out as a partnership, now it's a dictatorship) and my father took his money and support and left the business! We have to make payroll, he has spent all of the money hiring new people, giving people raises and moving people to other cities to start a new territory.........now we're out of money and my brother and I get to be the BAD GUYS!

See, I have learned from this experience that no one gets this much trust from me again that I would stake my future on them! I can't count on my father to do what's right, and I have to clean up the mess for it!

Talk about being in the depths of depression..............I can't see the light of day.........again! But this time, instead of being sad.... I am MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD!

Thanks for letting me spout off!
Kim in TN

[bounceswoosh]

Sometimes, anger can be a powerful tool. I'll take angry over sad any day. As the incomparable Ani says, "Every tool is a weapon if you hold it right."

And to fish out another quote from the millions of great lines she has,

we are made to bleed
and scab and heal and bleed again
and turn every scar into a joke
we are made to fight
and f**k and talk and fight again
and sit around and laugh until we choke
sit around and laugh until we choke


Trust, love, these are risks -- just like riding a bike is a risk, whether you're risking collisions with other vehicles or with the mountainside. Each of us has to choose the level and type of risks we're willing to take.

After my ex betrayed me, I couldn't imagine putting my trust in someone again. But here I am, happily married, with the guy who got me into mountain biking =) No, he's not perfect, but he makes me happy. And sure, sometimes he drives me crazy. I realized after that nasty breakup -- I can love anyone; the trick is to find someone worthy of my love.

As my mom has told me many, many times, you can be far more lonely in the wrong relationship than you could ever be alone.

Erm, I just woke up -- excuse the babbling.

[Irulan]

Originally posted by bounceswoosh
[B]Sometimes, anger can be a powerful tool. I'll take angry over sad any day.

I think that acknowledgeing and expressing the anger, processing it is the key to a lot of healing. Many times we don't even know we are angry: we were to busy just trying to survive, or we didn't learn emotions, or weren't allowed to have them etc. etc. Once you can find that anger and start to dig it out and root it out like a noxious weed, sometimes with the help of a good professional, life WILL get better.

Irulan

[Dogmama]

Putting my happiness in somebody else's hands rather than finding it within is similar to buying a bag of pre-cut lettuce or buying a head of organic lettuce. The pre-cut lettuce is a little phoney, who knows what chemicals are in there to make it fresh & you always get some rotten leaves at the bottom of the bag! Organic is fresh and wholesome. You have to work a little to make a salad, but you know you're feeding your body (soul/spirit) something that is truley good.

I've been treated for clinical depression & PTSD too. Thank God for anti-depressents. My brain chemistry is skewed for many reasons - most of them self induced when I was young & dumb. I liken antidepressents to insulin for a diabetic. You'd never tell a diabetic to "tough it out - get over it!."

[Trek420]

bounceswoosh wrote: "....anger can be a powerful tool. I'll take angry over sad any day."

I think that especially for women sometimes depression is anger turned inward. That was true of the major emotional trauma some years back.

An 11 year relationship ended a year ago, and I've gotten pretty much in touch with my anger, sure, lots of other feelings as well and I'm doin't the work but .... sometimes living well is the best revenge ;-) And I'm choosing to live well. :rolleyes:

[maryellen]

ano, albeit belated, voice here for better living through chemistry. I started lexapro last year and what a difference it makes. Then I learned to ride a few months later and what a difference that has made!!!! Even though my partner isn't thrilled with me disappearing for most of the day on weekends, she knows it makes me happy, so it's ok with her.

[kpc]

I've been off the board lately because of a sad familly situation. My 17 month old granddaughter died suddenly and unexpectedly. I was already having cyclic mood problems, so now I'm off to see a physician. I still find riding helpful, but I'm feeling overwhelmed. I want to know if those of you with antidepressants have had side effects, such as unwanted weight gain.

[Irulan]

I gained about five pounds w/paxil which I took for about a year and a half. I went off that for a couple of years, and have been though a few others w/no side effects other than a little dry mouth.

I'm convinced that the weight gain is from becoming a lot less anxious about things, lessening anxiety levels.

Most side effects only last a week or less as your body gets accusotmed.

~I

[spazzdog]

I had a strange reaction to Celexa when I went on it. I dropped about 8 lbs in the 1st two weeks. Doc said it was a rarely seen side effect (welcome to my world) and not a great one since I had already lost so much to depression. I was at 108 and I'm 5'7" and she didn't want me to lose anymore. So Doc halfed my dosage.

Anyway it settled down and I was able to get the 8-10 lbs back. Then raised the dosage again. The only thing I've noticed is I don't gain any weight. The struggle with me is maintaining what I have.

[Pedal Wench]

kpc, sorry to hear about your loss.

I had an old friend who I didn't see often, and one time I ran into him and he said, "You look great (ie. THIN), what's wrong?" I think that it's a 50/50 thing. Some people eat and gain weight when they're down, and others don't eat. For just the average 'blues', I eat. When it's a serious depression, I stop eating. I've gained about 15 lbs. since going through an awful divorce. I must be happy!

[maryellen]

kpc, I'm really sorry to hear about your granddaughter. Sounds rough.

Re side effects from antidepressants: I'm on lexapro and the major side-effects have been sexual. However, for me, it works if you work it, and I've learned to adjust.

After a while on lexapro, I started taking a tricyclic (older style antidepressant), doxapine, as well (to help me sleep) (I was sleeping 2 hours a night for an extended period). That drug, or the combo of the two, seemed to result in a 15 lb weight gain but my weight has been stable since then. The tricyclic also had an excessive sedative effect during the day.

There are a bunch of good new antidepressants out there--a skilled clinician can help you find the right one for you.

Hang in there.

[fasteryet]

I was on Paxil for about two years (5-7 years ago). I did gain some wait, and had very little sex drive, but it really helped me. Getting up in the morning was no longer a chore.
Don't forget, you don't have to take any medications forever. You can try different ones, to see what works. The best part for me was that one day, after about two years, I was walking my dog and just started singing. I knew it was time to come off them. Whether it changed my brain chemistry, or I learned different behavior techniques, it didn't matter. I was better. I still get the blues now and then, but I take about 900 mg of St. John's Wort per day and that seems to keep it pretty much under control.

[Irulan]

ya know we all get the the blues sometimes. Life is not about being on even keel all the time. But it's when you can't handle it or it starts to get in the way of healthy, normal functioning that the blues might need some help.

Irulan

[kpc]

yeah, someone @ work said that when you can't live your regular life, it's time to look at other options.
Thank you all for sharing you experiences and offering your support
Kathy

[trekchic]

Hey, don't want to beat a dead horse.........but I need some advice!

I got off Effexor in about Feb. of this year. I am under waaaaay too much stress and it seems I am getting "under the weather" again! So, I am back on Effexor. My doctor put my back on 150 mg (he didn't start me off slowly like he did the first time). I am having some side affects that are keeping me from functioning normally. I am dizzy, nauseated, sleepy, and am extremely thirsty. Will the side affects subside like they did last time I was on this medication?

Anyone have any experience with this drug? When I weened off last time, it was extremely difficult for about 3 weeks. I didn't want to go back on the meds, just didn't think I could cope without it yet!

Kim

[Irulan]

where's Drfrau when we need her. I havent' taken that particular one but I have been through the side effect deal recently with someone close to me several times as they try different things. First, everyone is different. Second, the side effects decrease as the drug's efffectiveness increases. But - if you have having serious side effects that in itself is hard to live with. My close friend had a serious nausea reaction to zoloft, had to take anti nausea medication for a few days, they stuck it ou and just when they were ready to throw everything down the toilet, it was like something shifted all of a sudden and they felt 100% better within hours.

I guess I'm trying to say, stick it out if you can, be sure you are talking to your doc too.

Irulan

[IronHorse213]

kpc, MY deepest sympathies to you and your family on your loss.

I wanted to chime in with my story - about 5 years ago I was unable to function - period stopped, was falling asleep at work, really down, other funky things going on (was only 41 at the time). A friend who had been on Zoloft for about 9 months and found a drastic change in her ability to function encouraged me to see my m.d. So I went and said, I need drugs, menopasual or depression, just give me something. Zoloft was my answer and here I am doing just fine. (Better nutrition and daily calcium and other supplements helped my cycle). Btw, my wise friend, once on Zoloft, realized she'd been depressed most of her life. She's a completely new person!

I think depression was once seen as a failure of character or something, but it's really just confused or lacking (as in my friend's case) body chemistry. Thank God it can be fixed nowadays!

[Irulan]

Originally posted by IronHorse213
So I went and said, I need drugs, menopasual or depression, just give me something. Zoloft was my answer and here I am doing just fine.
!

My personal opinion is that there needs to be a counseling/mental health component, not just a medication component. There are many underlying causes of depresion. If you treat only the symptoms and not the cause you areren't fixing anything, you are postponing it.

Most MD's are not equipped to work with the mental health component, but the better ones will prescibe with a referral out for counseling at least to make an assessment as to whether something is strictly biochemical or if there are roots in the psyche that need to be addressed.

[IronHorse213]

In response it Irulan,

When I read the quote you chose from my note, it sounded very boostful to me, so I appologize if that's how it came across to anyone else, it wasn't meant to be so. I meant to communicate that I am doing well now. I do get "the blues" at certain points, but the reaction and ability to handle a pms funk, is much easier. My MD describes it as a drug that raises the floor of depression, so if you do get depressed, it doesn't get worse and worse, etc. and I find that to be true (thankfully!)


In many cases the cause of depression IS only a chemical problem - such as in my friend. Not enough of seratonin, I believe, in the brain. Taking anti-depressives solved that problem. She described it as living in a fog and not being able to think clearly, and make decisions. Zoloft gave her a clear mind allowed her to figure out things. Years of counseling didn't do anything but cost $.

BUT everyone is different and one's MD is useful in determining the best course of action for each individual.

[Irulan]

not boastful at all. Glad you are doing well! There is a tendency among certain parts of the medical community to medicate with out looking further, and that is what troubles me.

one of my diagnoses is "dysmthmia" (sp?) which is a low grade on going biochemically induced depression, so I think I understand what you are writing about. For me, I had to get the PTSD done with in counseling before we could see the other things going on.

changing topic: I was having a chat with a professional acquaintance of mine. She started to gossip about another mutual acquaintace who "can you beleive she's on anti-depressants? Well, gossip is bad enough, but I really blew a gasket, hopefully somewhat politely at this woman... I in no uncertain terms let her know that so what, if she was a diabetic taking insulin, or a heart patient taking nitro would it be a topic for derisice gossip? I was pretty pissed off. The intent was gentle education but I don't know if I succeeded...

Irulan

[trekchic]

Good for you!!!! Thank you for standing up for all of us who can't cope without meds right now!

When I made the decision to go back on Effexor, my husband said, "...I can't go thru another year like the last one. I don't think you need it." I was mortified! "YOU can't go thru another year...........WHAT ABOUT ME??????????????" Some people are just so insensitive about this problem. Well, I just don't think he needs to have sex for about a month.........I can't go thru THAT right now! :D

[Biking Kitsune]

LOL trekchick, more power to you!

[Tek]

Hmmm...

Without going into too many details as that I used to work for a bike company and I am sure some of those folks frequent this board....

There was a time when my Doc put me on Xanax/Zoloft because I was miserable in the job I was working.

The truth was that I didn't need that stuff at all- my feelings were natural- the job sucked and was bringing the rest of my life down with it.

Well, I took myself of that stuff because it only made me feel detached anyway. To make a long story short, due to politics, I got sacked from that job.

It was also my great luck that I am an IT person and I got sacked in this lovely market of ours (US) and have not been able to find a full time gig since.

Now mind you- I feel depressed as hell now because I can't find a good job. Still, I have my bike, I have me, I have what I can make my body do. I may not be able to control how others treat me. If I can find a good job or not. What I can control is if I get my butt out and make sure I sweat.

So I do. I bike. I run. I swim. I lift weights. If I go more than two days without working out, I get mega depressed and I start to hate myself even more (I'm not the type of person who likes to be out of a job for almost 3 years).

My bike has been the only thing that has kept me from totally losing it. Honestly. Now, someday, I would like to compete and maybe someday I might do that. But for now, just to be able to ride by the lake, feel my heart pumping, feel the sweat, and have that time to myself to think- that is enough of a boost to give me a little bit of hope . So yeah... cycling/running/swimming helps me where the drugs do not.

Good luck. =)

[Dogmama]

My shrink (who prescribes lexapro for me) believes that much depression comes from our overbooked society. We need to fill every moment with something. Even kids are being schlepped from soccer practice to violin lessons and then to a shrink's office for antidepressents.

For me, when I become overwhelmed by life, I become more depressed. That's when I know it's time to take some things out of my life.

We must have time to recharge our batteries. If that means taking an hour for a good book, nice walk or writing in a journal, all the better. Connecting with the essence of life, rather than what we perceive life to be, is imperative.

[MightyMitre]

Good post Dogmama. I agree - everyone is always so busy whirling around from one thing to the next. It really is enough to drive people crazy! (No offence intended here. I certainly don't think anyone suffering from depression is 'crazy' in any way at all.)

I think everyone needs quality time out for themselves. We need to give ourselves a break.:)

[moonfroggy]

this is a great thread
i suffer from sever depression or i have suffered from it, i have suffered from depression my entire life and ifor me it is related to post truamatic stress wich i have because i grew up in a severly abusive enviroment, i got out of the abusive home when i was 19 and started therapy when i was 20 and started taking anti depresents after i started therapy, i am 25 now, for me riding my bocycle helps a lot more than anti depresents wich don'ts eem to help me very much and i have tried almost all of them, also getting enough sunlight and fresh air really helps, i am very sensetive to sunlight, if i don't get enough i get depressed, i am currently very slowly going off effexor and iw ill try not taking any anti depressent for a while, i seem to be less depressed with the very low dose i am on right now than i was when i took a higher dose, and i have worked really hard to get to the point where i can try going off anti depressents, i have a great therapist and she is really helpfull, and the meds are really helpfull, but riding my bike is just amazing
one thing i sorta wana mention though is that for really sever suicidal depression sometimes riding a bike can be dangerous at least for me, about three years ago i almost got killed riding my bike through red lights because i was very suicidal, i didn't get injured i prolly really scared some car drivers thouigh luckily there was no acidents, i never ride my bike when i am feeling to depressed because it is to dangerous for me, instead i go for long walks

[Irulan]

Moonfroggy.... here's a big hug for you. Your story sounds like mine except I left home at 16 and was depressed for 20 years before I sought treatment.

hugs, and hang in there, it can only get better.

irulan

[moonfroggy]

thanks irulan
it is getting better all the time, i still have ups and downs and right now i am sick so i can't ride my bike but the depression still keeps improving for me
btw it was me that asked you about ink for silk screening

[pkq]

For the most part, I've always been even keeled. I've had two previous bouts with depression but there were very definite circumstances causing it. However, this summer I've had 3 episodes, which relate to my hormones changing/waning. Yup, I'm pre-menopausal and it's nasty. I never knew when my cycle was coming or going. As a result, I thought PMS, post-partum depression, etc. were all bunk. I know better after this summer. They are real and due to real chemical imbalances in the brain.

Many people I know say, here in the U.S., we just aren't as happy as we used to be. Personally, I think we don't know how to have fun any more. We are too pressured with debt, job insecurities, pressures to be picture perfect, smart, successful, et al we can't think about what we truly value in life. We worry about minutia. We can't be just regular people. We don't even have enough time to think about ensuring the toilet tissue supply is OK. But I think we've brought this on ourselves because peer pressure is a powerful force even in adulthood.

All this coupled with TV, PC's, big houses with fenced yards has led many to be isolated from people. They don't have enough contact with real people, which is a real cause of depression for many people. I moved from my very middle class neighborhood to a lower middle class neighborhood and the people are much, much friendlier. The difference was very hard to miss. However, these people are outside often, checking the neighborhood, talking with one another, doing yard work, etc. I like my new neighborhood.

I've also noted the old people are generally friendlier than the younger people. They aren't afraid to talk to you or get involved with being your neighbor. I wonder why.

[Dogmama]

Moonfroggy,

How are you doing? You said in your last post that you were coming off of Effexor. How is that going?

So good that you have a good therapist. They're hard to find.

{{{HUGS}}}

[moonfroggy]

Originally posted by Dogmama
Moonfroggy,

How are you doing? You said in your last post that you were coming off of Effexor. How is that going?

So good that you have a good therapist. They're hard to find.

{{{HUGS}}}

well i'm not off it yet, i'm on the lowest dose, and getting to the lowest dose took me a few months because i get really sick going off it, i have tried stopping at thise dose a few times in the past but i got really sick, like sever nausea, and dizzyness and my face falling asleep, like my lips and stuff, and a horble headache, because of this i am aiting to go off completely, until after i get my wisdom teath out wich is next friday, on this low dose i am doing a lot better than i did on a higher dose, i think i will do good when i'm not taking any, i am keeping my fingers crossed
and yeah good therapists are so great, and i am so glad i found one i just wish i found her several years sooner
thanks
{{{hugs}}}

[PinkRacer]

I totally understand, I was violated last year and on top of that I broke my foot and was in a wheel chair for a few months, when it rains it pours…. I’ve been on drugs, therapy, herbs, and acupuncture, but nothing had helped my anxiety and stress levels like cycling. I am lucky to have a supportive finace who has been very paient with me and encouraged me to really get on a bike and ride till it “hurt”….

After all of the sleeping drugs that still haven’t stopped the nightmares cycling has. My therapist is totally supportive and says that it is an amazing outlet and she is really proud that I’ve become quite the cyclist over the past 9 months of dealing with my ordeal.

[spazzdog]

Good for you Pink! I still have to take my meds, cause I simply don't sleep (at all) if I don't. It doesn't matter if I run, cycle or work in the yard all day.
But.. the run, the bike or the yard does make my mind and body "feel" better.

Keep pedalin' grrl!

[shewhobikes]

I have not posted here in several months due to a downward spiraling marriage and depression (which is the chicken and which is the egg, who knows...) and I log in today and what do I find? Posts on break-ups and depression! Not to mention peri-menopause (and yes there's a post on here today about that!)

I was afraid of antidepressants. Not sure why. Then I got to the point that I was willing to try just about anything, and my dear therapist said, girl, you need some lexapro, let's just try it. Thank God for her. I don't think I'd have made it through this past year without her, and it. There is a decreased libido, which is not a problem for me right now. I had this misguided notion that antidepressants would make me "happy" and that's really not it...they just make me feel steady and OK (not giddy or high or whatever...)

Echoing many others here, my bike and my meds are the tandem that keep me going. You ladies rock.

[maryellen]

good for you shewhobikes. I love lexapro. As for the decreased libido, yeah, but don't get discouraged, it works if you work it. ;) :D

[nicolezoie]

Yeah, been there, hospitalized for it, and sufferred through years of misdiagnoses and mis-medicating. I have been on and off medication since I was 13. :( Finally, what it came down to for me was being & living sober from all self-medication, eating properly, taking vitamin suppliments, and biking my fool *** off. The only times in my life I've felt even remotely "normal" have been when I'm active in a serious and focused way.

[Dogmama]

I'm going through another bout of depression - perimenopause isn't for sissies (see my rant on TDF thread about Lance's girlfriend for proof!) My shrink has tried every kind of antidepressant - SSRI, SNRI, tricyclic, and nothing works - or turns me into a raging lunatic. My regular doc thinks she can fix it through bio-identical hormones & we're just starting that route.

I'm interested in what people do in terms of diet, vitamins, etc. Thanks

[pkq]

In December I realized I was happy until I began thinking about work. In January I quit my job of 15+ years. The director of engineering, a man, said to me last year, "You need to learn how to make being a woman work for you." During two conversations with the HR director about workplace issues, I noted he didn't record the worst offenses. Managers stick together and are part of the problem.

Any of you ladies know how a woman is to make her gender work for her?

[Irulan]

In December I realized I was happy until I began thinking about work. In January I quit my job of 15+ years. The director of engineering, a man, said to me last year, "You need to learn how to make being a woman work for you." During two conversations with the HR director about workplace issues, I noted he didn't record the worst offenses. Managers stick together and are part of the problem.

Any of you ladies know how a woman is to make her gender work for her?


As joke, I think he'd mean, play the coquette game. You know, bat your eyes, unbutton your blouse, let them talk innuenedo.... Seriously, sounds like your HR dept is very screwed up. Record the worst offenses yourself and talk to a lawyer.

irulan

[pkq]

Thanks for the response Irulan. A lot of stuff is involved but whistle blowers never win so it's best to let it die and move on. Many employees are depressed because of their jobs, which is unfortunate because it consumes so much time and energy. People really don't want improvements they just claim to want them.

[Geonz]

Thanks for the response Irulan. A lot of stuff is involved but whistle blowers never win so it's best to let it die and move on. Many employees are depressed because of their jobs, which is unfortunate because it consumes so much time and energy.

People really don't want improvements they just claim to want them.

the last sentence seems to contradict the first ones. You say it's best to let it die and move on - then you say people don't really want improvements, they just claim to want them. (The things that you'd blow a whistle about probably wouldn't be seen as "improvements" by the blowees, right?)

[Irulan]

I don't understand staying in a job that would mess with your head so bad.There is always something else out there, why sacrifice your sense of self, self worth and sanity?

Irulan

[pkq]

Geonz, when the CEO advances a diversity program, you'd think one of the charter statements would be to improve the working conditions of minorities and other categories of people. So a whistle blower on sexual harrassment should be viewed as making an improvement. But when management sweeps sexual harrassment under the carpet despite a diversity program, they really don't want any note given to that issue. I'd call that lip service. Female managers took the same position on these issues, which was mildly surprising.

Irulan, many feel trapped due to debt and family. I stayed because I didn't have the "grass is greener syndrome" but now I'm filled with hope for greener pastures. I have already turned down one plant interview because the work environment was what I just left. And you get used to having 4 weeks vacation and all the other stuff that goes with longevity with a company. A lot of words to say I ain't too smart.

[Dogmama]

In my case, I have 4.5 years to go to retirement, so leaving would be really stupid. Fortunately, I work at a major University, so when things get really bad, I look for a job in another department. It is like getting a different job but keeping your benefits. Still have the government, bureaucracy B.S., but nothing is perfect.

We're building a new building and I'm desperately trying to convince the "powers that be" that we need a shower for bike commuters. So far, they laugh and make comments about, "how about a masseuse, manicurist, etc." and these are from women (who - truth be told - couldn't ride a bike around the block - certainly not MINE!!!)

So much for progress. Bleech!

[latelatebloomer]

To back up to the question of nutrition and depression, what has worked for my partner and me is to eat animal protein, to eat it every meal, and to make sure we are getting enough good fats in our diet (fish, nuts, olive oil, safflower oil.) I know this is going to be controversal or even offensive for some people. The nutrition guy we have seen specializes in helping people with life-threatening illnesses through diet - my partner was definitely having life-threatening depression and was not tolerating any antidepressents well. A lot of the nutritionist's practices go against current modes of thinking. His argument is that the brain requires protein and fat to function properly and that when people started to focus on low-fat diets, there was a great rise in depression in our society. Everyone is an individual in these regards, and there are a lot of good arguments against meat. I loved being vegetarian and looking all my animal friends in the eyes without guilt. I give thanks to the animal, and have even had a discussion with our butcher about his attitude toward and means of killing. It wasn't an easy choice for us.

I offer this in case it can alleviate someone's suffering. If nothing else is working, it may be an important key.

[pkq]

Dogmamma, I worked for a large corporation and transferred around some. The men usually were problems so I wonder if I was really the problem, since I was the common denominator. I have been told by people I am intimidating, which may be the real issue. If something looks fun or challenging, I'm usually there. Life is too short to let things slip by.

I commuted last year some and got some condescending comments from the male managers. They didn't like spandex......or maybe they liked it too much.

To avoid completely hijacking the thread, I've read too much sugar affects mood dramatically and especially through menopause and all its stages. When you think of your body as a chemical reactor and foods as chemicals, it stands to reason what you ingest will affect your mood.

[Roadrunner]

I've not been on site for a while and I couldn't believe this discussion. Thanks guys.
I've just been diagnosed as having depression and anxiety and have been put on Fluoxitine (prozac).Looking back it seems I've had this for years not just months and no-one realised. I've had terrible mood swings, irritability and anger, (over silly things),unable to ocncentrate on anything properly, feelings of being unreal and yes I have thought about taking a bottle of asprin or something like it. I've also had insomnia, lack of concentration, unable to make the simplest decissions. I only started treatment last Thursday but I feel better already. The doctor said it would take a couple of weeks for the medication to kick in properly. I know I've a long way to go but it's a start. Long may it continue.
It's so good to know I'm not alone in this.

[spazzdog]

Hey Roadrunner... welcome to the world of "better living through chemistry".

As I posted way earlier in this thread, I ended up diagnosed with depresion, stress, anxiety and suspected PTSD stemming from a hostile work environment. Had a breakdown and I went out on disability.

That was May 2003. I've been on my meds since and my disability benefits ended April of this year. I made the decision along the way not to go back to the corporate environs... and as I've mentioned somewhere else on TE, I', going back to school full time come Sept.

I am much better on the meds... there are still things that come up that give me the "wierd" feelings that I had mid breakdown, but I've been able to get through them rather than hide under my favorite rock.

Hope you continue to feel better.

spazzdog

[Dogmama]

Roadrunner - welcome back. Glad you're feeling better. "They" say it takes 2-4 weeks for antidepressents to work, but I've always had an immediate effect too.

After double digit years, I've been unable to take anything because I cannot handle the side effects. I've been on all of them. So, I'm working things through in therapy and also doing meditation and Reiki. I've been chemical free for awhile now (even bio-identical hormones screwed me up) and I feel better. I am perimenopausal and I think that has messed up my brain chemistry - I have to watch what I ingest a lot more closely.

Of course, riding is such a blessing. I'd be really nuts without it!

[nuthatch]

I am perimenopausal and I think that has messed up my brain chemistry

Ain't it the truth - me too!!! It's a screwy time to live through.

Roadrunner, so glad to hear your voice here again. I was just thinking about you the other day and wondering how you were doing. I'm hoping you will be feeling better each day. :)

[spazzdog]

So, as some of you may have read in another thread, i'm returning to college full time beginning Sept.

I am, at this moment, in the thro's (how do you spell that word?) of an anxiety attack. It's 3:50 am on the east coast and i'm still awake. i've taken my meds (9:00 pm) and here i sit.

How do I know I'm anxious... I've withdrawn into my art (if you can call it that). I've been designing a cycling jersey for no one for the last 4 hrs. I can't sleep... so for once I'm up with you left coasters.

No... I'm not looking for "le petite pity party". I guess that now, with one month to go, I'm just scared. O.K. I admit and accept the fear. Now what???

When some of you met me back at Cinderella, it was the first trip i'd taken in 2 yrs; heck, it was one of the few times I'd been out of the house since May of 2003. Now I'm throwing myself into the school thing... I'm 30 yrs older than most of the students; probably younger than the teachers. I'm second guessing myself.

I know it's ridiculous... I know it's silly. But I'm in the middle of it and can't seem to get out. I want to go to school, I really do. Jeez, I'm scared...

ignore this post. i'll be fine. i WILL be fine.

spazzdog

[Roadrunner]

Thanks guys. I'm definately feeling heaps better now. It's just amazing how much better taking one little capsule a day can make such a difference.
Family and friends are feeling rotten not having picked up on it before now. I can work back to at least four years, my sister thinks it's longer, so I guess it'll take a while before all is normal (whatever that is) again!!

[Grog]

i'll be fine. i WILL be fine.


Not only you will be fine, Spazz.

You will be GREAT!

Don't worry about the age thing. Last fall I was still 26 and had students born between 1985 and 1945 in my class. (I teach in a public university - not TA, adjunct.) More and more "mature students" come back to university and the institution and teachers and younger students are adjusting (albeit slowly in some cases!). You're definitely not alone out there and they may even not notice your "difference". ;)

Good luck, you can do it. (Check out the "hills mantra" threads and make adjustements as needed..... :p)

[Dogmama]

Now I'm throwing myself into the school thing... I'm 30 yrs older than most of the students; probably younger than the teachers. I'm second guessing myself.
spazzdog

I work at a major University and also attended classes. I was old enough to be their mom. There were a sprinkling of us oldsters in the class. Guess what? Nobody noticed. Kids these days are so self absorbed that they don't see much beyond their 3 foot perimeter.

Instructors love us oldsters. We are there to learn (not just "hang out" until we "discover ourselves"). We attend class, do homework and show up for the exams without a bunch of lame excuses ("my dog ate my zip drive"). They chuckle because we usually blow any grading curve sky high.

I don't know what your field is - but the more advanced your classes get, the older the student population is and the more serious the studying becomes.

You'll be great! And don't forget - you can always pull the student athlete card!

[snapdragen]

Aw spazz, look how far you've come! It's OK to be scared, heck, we're all scared, one way or another. All your TE sisters are behind you - take our strength if you need it.

Yes - you will be fine!

(((hugs)))


I want to go to school, I really do. Jeez, I'm scared...

ignore this post. i'll be fine. i WILL be fine.

spazzdog

[Roadrunner]

So, as some of you may have read in another thread, i'm returning to college full time beginning Sept.

I am, at this moment, in the thro's (how do you spell that word?) of an anxiety attack. It's 3:50 am on the east coast and i'm still awake. i've taken my meds (9:00 pm) and here i sit.



No... I'm not looking for "le petite pity party". I guess that now, with one month to go, I'm just scared. O.K. I admit and accept the fear. Now what???



ignore this post. i'll be fine. i WILL be fine.

spazzdog

Hang in there Spazzdog. Once you get there I'm sure you'll be fine. The thought is always worse than the actual doing, at least that's what I've found. The anxiety always builds it up to be more than it is.
I recently went to see Jackie Pullinger talking in St. Andrew's but by the time I got there all I could think was let me out I don't want to be here!!! (I wanted to go). Once things got going I was fine, don't let it win over you. Hang in there,Good luck with college you'll be great.

[spazzdog]

thanks grrls... today is a better day.

y'all are the best!

spazz

[Jo-n-NY]

Hi Spazz, just try real hard to begin the first day. By the end of it you will be saying to yourself, "what the heck was I afraid of." Then I am sure you will fully enjoy each and every day learning all about a whole new world.

I give you so much credit. When I graduated highschool my father (Italian) didn't find it necessary to send me to college or even a newly open Katherine Gibbs. As I took business courses in highschool that was suppose to be sufficient, just go out and get a job. So here I sit, title Senior Administrative Assist, which was once called Secretary. We are now putting my son through college. Needless to say, that will be enough money spent on schooling.

Remember to e-mail me when you find out more about your classes. This is an exciting time, try to enjoy it and not be so nervous.

~JoAnn

[Trek420]

go get 'em Spazz, I wanna come to the graduation, let us know when. :)

[snapdragen]

go get 'em Spazz, I wanna come to the graduation, let us know when. :)

Oh yes! I'm always up for a road trip!

[jeannierides]

Spazz, I so envy your grit! You are willing to put yourself out there, and that's so incredible! Don't worry about those children around you, just take the first step! You'll be great!

I love this forum! Even if we don't know each other on a personal basis, we can come together and encourage our sisters!

JoAnn, I'm from the *secretary* era as well, but I bolted a few years ago and went into sales and design (strictly commission). I just couldn't bear one more day strapped to a desk! My parents weren't willing to send us (or help) girls to college either & I put myself through a community college course...

You can do it, Spazz!! :)

[Pax]

Give 'em hell Spazz!!! As Dogmama said we "non-traditional" students tend to blow the curve and are appreciated by the instructors. I went back in my late 30's and did MUCH better than I did in my teens and 20's.

[Crankin]

Spazz, I have never stopped going to school... part of being a teacher. There have always been all ages of students in my classes. Granted, these were grad. classes, but in the last 2 years, most of the people have been younger than me ( a lot). I think you'll find a lot of non-traditional students at U Mass Lowell. I know several people who have gone there, all adults. You shouldn't be nervous! You are smart and as long as you stay organized, you'll be fine. Most of the undergrads there are commuters and work. From what i see, the rest leave campus on the weekends to go home. So, I would say that even the younger students are juggling a lot of responsibilities.

[maryellen]

hey Spazz, hang tough or at least through those moments of anxious uncertainty. Older students are the best!

Maryellen

[bikerz]

Hey Spazz -
I suffer from anxiety also - for me the fear and anxiety are tough, and then the beating myself up for being so anxious can be tougher! One new thing I'm trying these days is to think of the gentle encouragement, support and understanding I'd offer an anxious friend, and turn around and offer that to myself. I think it's helping. Oh yeah, and don't forget to breathe!

[SadieKate]

Oh, spazz. I'm thinking of you. I just got around to reading this due to the stuff I mentioned before. You'll be fine once you get the first foot in the classroom. Think of all the life experience and knowledge you'll be bringing with you. The kiddies won't have any of this.

Exercise helps me the best with insomnia but I sure can't say I've found the wonder cure for it. I almost have to force myself to think only of the good stuff and get pretty forceful with my subconscious, not the easiest thing.

Hang tough. You've already made the first and biggest step.

SK

Something to make you laugh - just picture soon-to-be 46 yr old me (and 56 yr old Bubba) on our triple crankset roadbikes on the time trial course with the college kiddies who had fancy TT bikes and still don't know how to spell FAT. Geez. But I learned lots and that's what its all about.

[pkq]

Thought you girls might find this interesting.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20060106/ap_on_he_me/depression_protein

[Dogmama]

Thanks for posting that news article. There is so much we have yet to learn about the brain...

How many people will re-activate their Atkin's eating plan to get more "protein?" :p I'm betting this will be big in the Bubba beer drinking crowd...

...."Aw, c'mon little lady. Have a big ol' steak & qwit yer b*tchin' about all the dern house cleanin'...."

[pkq]

...."Aw, c'mon little lady. Have a big ol' steak & qwit yer b*tchin' about all the dern house cleanin'...."

That would be enough to make me walk out after kicking his butt up between his eyes. Not to men bash, but having worked around men the last 17 years, quite a few of them think that way. They wonder why their wives are the way they are. Duh! Look in the mirror, Bubba!