Help...a dare devil is reborn!

[Barb]

This is so annoying to me! My boyfriend is slowly starting to ride with me. Only family type to the ice cream store rides now. Always in jeans and work boots. I can live with that. He is constantly doing things like riding exactly on the top of a curb, jumping curbs, trying to cut me off or my son. Riding so close to the curb that his side walls are actually rubbing on the curb! Riding his bike up the driveway, between my car and the house with barely room for error. I swear if he scratches my car, he must move out!!!! He weaves and circles around us. ARGGGG. He also won't wear a helmet on these rides.

I have tried to be polite. I have tried the concerned route. I have tried to lay the facts out. Last night I told him if he fell, I was going to leave him in a bloody pool on the curb. He grew up in an inner city, riding exactly like that with his 4 brothers. They did dare devil stuff all the time. Holy smokes the guy is almost 50 now. Hang it up and ride!

It sounds to me that he is perfectly suited for mountain biking. If I could hook him up with those folks, he could hone his skills, get his thrills and not look like a jack #$# in the process. OK, he would still look like a jerk for a while.... I only ride MTB on occassion and he wants to ride with me. I am mostly road and he can't hang the distance in work boots and jeans. Maybe I should just drag him along and let him suffer!!!! Any other suggestions?

[Geonz]

I wouldn't ride with him ... first time he got too close to me or made me too nervous I'd pull over and wait for him to finish... if he didn't finish I'd tell him I'll make the trip another time. I have, however, a low tolerance for unpredictable bicycle movements (and people who act like little boys and need to be dangerously dominant).

[DeniseGoldberg]

This is probably not a good suggestion considering that you have an ongoing relationship with this guy - but I would not ride with him! In addition to his unsafe behavior, he is setting a really bad example for your son.

Not wearing a helmet doesn't work for me, and riding with someone who won't wear a helmet isn't something I do. Many years ago I was on a supported tour with a colleague of mine. We were about to head out on a longer route, and she wasn't going to take any water and wasn't going to wear a helmet. At that point I told her that I would not ride with her. She wasn't too happy, but since she wanted to ride she wore her helmet and took water with her (drank it too as it was a very hot day!).

I also did one ride with someone who had similar riding behavior to what you've described. I never rode with him again - and yes, I told him why.

OK, so maybe I'm a bit of a safety nut...

--- Denise

[Veronica]

The helmet thing for an adult is personal choice.

If you really would kick him out if he scratched your car, maybe you should kick him out now. If he is deliberately cutting you off and endangering your life, you need to have a frank discussion with him and if he doesn't change, don't ride with him anymore.

V.

[Barb]

lol well, I guess I would not kick him out for scratching my car. My son is by nature safety man so he won't ride without a helmet. You have just confirmed what I want to do. I am not going ride with him any more. If he wants ice cream, darn it, he is just gonna have to walk!

Man I get aggravated just thinking about it! He has been on the S@#$ list lately anyway...:(

[pikato]

The helmet thing for an adult is personal choice.

Actually it depends on the city. My hometown has a law where bicyclists of all ages MUST wear helmets. Some bigger cities are getting with this program too, like Dallas, Texas.

But I agree with others. If refusing to ride with him doesn't work.....I'd withold sex or something:D

[Running Mommy]

another point here.. You mentioned that he would prolly like mtn biking. Well with the way he rides now, I would not want him out there on a trail. Not only would he be a safety hazard to other riders, but I could see his actions reflecting poorly on the sport of mtn biking. We have enough knobs out there going off of the trails, buzzing hikers, horses etc. The last thing we need is someone out there with such reckless disregard for others.
And yeah, I wouldn't ride with him either. There were times when my husband TRIED to go sans helmet on our family cruises and it just was not an option..

[Barb]

yeah Mommy, you got a good point. I was really hoping that he would actually learn to ride from the right people! I know he could not keep up with most who regularly MTB, and would be more inclined to work on keeping up then being a fool on a bike.

[FreshNewbie]

Barb, I think if he is a reasonable person then he will be willing to talk to you and listen. If you have a conversation with him and even after that he won't wear a helmet then don't ride with him if that makes you uncomfortable. Bicycling is a fun sport, but also can put your life in danger, safe rider will put an effort to minimize the risk. Also, your anger sounds a little more than just frustration with his riding habbits.

[JoyfulGirl]

On the helmet thing.. I'm not a parent but I can only imagine how ticked I'd be if an adult who was a role model to my kid was not wearing a helmet and setting a very poor example. In general I think adults have the right to their own stupidity if they want to. But when it comes to my personal life and my loved ones I get alot pickier.

Please forgive me for a dumb question to everyone and a tiny bit of thread highjacking but maybe this fellow's ignorant like me.... Why is it wrong to ride on the curb, hop curbs, riding between car and house.. I can appreciate someone not wanting their car damaged though so nm. I try to be careful and aware of pedestrians and other bikes. Not cut people off, not sneak up behind my boyfriend and ride so our wheels overlap and things like that...

I'm sorry, I feel like I'm coming across as being deliberately obtuse and that's not what I'm trying for. Just trying to understand how to be a more friendly less fear inspiring cyclist. I've learned that crossing in the crosswalk is bad even if there's no other pedestrians because cars just don't expect something in the crosswalk to move that fast. and like I mentioned the overlapping tires things I can see how that would go bad very quickly now though it didn't occur to me for my first few rides. I honestly think I lack common sense and need these things explained to me. I'm really sorry. Maybe other people aren't trying to be deliberately obnoxious either and some of us just have a low common sense IQ:/ embarassing to admit. Is it just a matter of what was the phrase and who said it.. Geonz "I have, however, a low tolerance for unpredictable bicycle movements" is it that people should always behave predictably on a bicycle? and if so is there anywhere appropriate to just play? Lord knows I have been trying to figure out how to hop over things and it leads to some highly unpredictable limbs flying landing on feet bike tumbling scenes. Where would be an appropriate place to learn things where you CAN'T be predictable because you don't know what you're doing yet?

[Quillfred]

JoyfulGirl

Here is a good place to start on riding education.

http://www.cbcef.org/commuting_resources.html

Other options are, as always, doing a search on safety or commuting here on TE as there have been previous discussions.

It is always good to ask questions. We are all here to learn.

Quillfred

[Barb]

Riding at the curb is just fine, riding on the very top of a 3inch curb, while trying to pass on the right is just not cool. You could really injur yourself or someone else.

My anger really is about his riding. He takes my riding very seriously and is very supportive. When we ride together though, he is "just having fun" "he won't get hurt or hurt anyone". I am not worried about his influence on my son, just his safety. To me it is just bizzare behavior from an otherwize rationale being!!!!

[Steph_in_TX]

Curbs can be dangerous. My brother hit a curb...not riding fast or in a dangerous manner...and broke his leg in three places below the knee, including a very nasty compound fracture of both bones just above the ankle. It was six months before he could work again. I make sure I'm well clear of curbs these days.

[Duck on Wheels]

I'm glad to hear that his riding, given other evidence in your daily lives, is not meant as an insult to you or your hobby. That leaves us with ... the guy is a show-off, at least in this area (maybe something that goes back to what he enjoyed about riding as a kid) and that his riding makes you nervous. I think that gives a good opening for a conversation about how his cranium etc. mean enough to you that you can't stand to watch him ride unsafely. Maybe also that there are other, safer ways to have fun on a bike. If the guy is a good listener, than maybe he's a keeper after all. Good luck!

[mimitabby]

horsing around on a bike is not cool at age 50 especially on streets with cars.

My son's girlfriend grabbed his handlebar while riding about 1 month ago.
the result was both bikes became unstable and they both fell down. My son wasn't wearing gloves and ended up in ER and today he still has numbness and an ugly nasty scar on his hand.

they are both in their 20's btw.

[JoyfulGirl]

These stories are making me ill. :/ I'd know better than to grab someone's handelbars or otherwise knock them about while riding on a bike at least. but it makes me wonder what else common sense wise I should know that I don't. I'm going to go spend a bit reading up on bicycling safety. :/

[Geonz]

It *is* possible to "horse around" reasonably safely; one of our guys is famous for cavorting off and hopping around while we're doing that dull road bike thing. He is *highly* skilled and doesn't get in anbody's space and, basically, gets to have fun, show off / practice some skills, and not annoy or endanger anybody.

So, I wouldn't say there's anything wrong with hopping a curb, per se. There is something wrong with having a need to make other people nervous & scared. If that's the fundamental motivation here, I'd be asking some big questions (and reading some of the other threads about relationships...)

[Veronica]

Actually it depends on the city. My hometown has a law where bicyclists of all ages MUST wear helmets. Some bigger cities are getting with this program too, like Dallas, Texas.




California has a helmet law for children. It's not enforced, at least not in my town. :-(

And I'm not a big fan of nanny laws.

V.

[Barb]

California has a helmet law for children. It's not enforced, at least not in my town. :-(

And I'm not a big fan of nanny laws.

V.

I'm with you V.


Anyway, we did have a good talk. He laughed at first, thinking I was being overly cautious. I finally got through to him. We haven't had time to ride together (he doesn't ever go when I do a serious ride). This really is just how he always played as a kid and he didn't think much about it. I do know that he won't ride at all on rodes with traffic. He only likes the safer quite neighborhood streets. I guess he does have SOME sense! Thanks for your support on this.

[mimitabby]

well, Barb
that is a relief! He sounds reasonable.

[Tuckervill]

I didn't read all the posts, yet, so I may be the lone dissenter.

The guy obviously has some mad skills. I think that's cool, especially since he's almost 50. I don't think it's a bad idea to use them or practice them or whatever.

Guys think differently about these things. I have 3 sons, two of whom are grown up, with the last one at 12. I came to realize that I can't really control how they use their bodies. If they want to skateboard and ride bikes and fast motorcycles and do crazy tricks, then to the extent that they *can* do them, I shouldn't really stand in their way. I get much more cooperation in the safety department if they know that I trust their judgment. They actually interact with me when they want to try something beyond their skill level. They ask me to spot them, or encourage them, or offer advice or my opinion about whether "it" can be done.

In return, because we are in a relationship that goes both ways, they are safety conscious. They use appropriate safety gear. (My motorcycle-riding son's wife has seen to it he has complete roadrash-preventative equipment...bless her. And he asked me what I thought before he even bought the motorcycle.) If I harped on them about *not* doing anything dangerous or risky, they'd cease to trust me. If I refused to watch or participate or just turned my back, I'd miss out on a big part of their lives. They wouldn't believe that I trusted them, either. Trust in our relationship is very important to me.

Now, that doesn't mean I have to lie down on the street so they can jump their bikes over me. Where my safety and property is involved, I have the right to set boundaries. That means no riding too close to me or whizzing a ball past my head or jumping off the roof onto the trampoline or playing whiffleball next to my 110-year-old windows.

The important thing is to come to an agreement about where the boundaries are. You could refuse to ride with him or you could feel scared when you do. Or, you could negotiate the no cutting off part with looking the other way on the helmet issue. There are always more than the two extremes. If I were you and I cared about the relationship, I'd try to find some options in the middle.

Karen