What should I do about Hubby?

[cyclingnewbie]

I am a bike path rider for exercise. I am not fast and I don't ride nearly as much as I would like, but I am excited about spring weather. My hubby, who needs the exercise just as much as I do, claims to want to ride with me. He is a big guy and decided last year (after I bought a new road bike) that he needed a bike that fit him better than his hybrid (which doesn't carry his weight very well.) So he bought a frame to refurbish and build what he wants (and has made very little progress.) In the meantime, my first bike path ride of the season was last Sunday (Yippeee!!). He agreed to go with me, which I was happy about, but that means we ride slower and not as long. I want him to ride with me, I want him to get the exercise too, but I'm dying to leave him in the dust (such that it is, at my speed!) But I don't want to make him feel bad. Would you hang back and try to talk him into joining in as often as possible, knowing it will be less of a ride than you would like, initially? The payoff would be that eventually he could handle longer rides with me. Or, would you stop asking and head out on your own? I would, of course, be happy to have him come with me when he brings it up, not me. This got kind of long, but I'm torn between what I want to do and being patient while he eventually meets my level and we can easily ride together. What should I do? I confess to living for the moments when I ask and he says he doesn't want to go riding. (This whole thing makes me sound like a terrible person! :( )

[CorsairMac]

My first concern would be that you would start to become irritated constantly trying to ride at his speed. Is there an opportunity for you to ride alone at another time maybe?......or how would he feel if you start out together, finish together but you take off on your own in the middle. Maybe leave him after the first mile and he turns around when you reach him on your back? I don't know your dynamics but if you leave him alone and wait for him to suggest it - would he? or is he counting on you to motivate him off the couch?

[bikerchick68]

OK... no, you DON'T sound like a terrible person... but I will say that riding alone, at least for me, is not nearly as fun as riding with someone else. That could be the case for the hubby too...

Here's the way I might consider handling it... ride with the DH for as far as he can go. When you return and he is done... go do a second loop, or however much farther you can go at your OWN pace... this allows you to ride together, you'll warm up for the faster pace, and you most likely won't be as frustrated knowing your ride time will be following your joint time. I actually do this when I ride with newbie ride friends... a ride with them is never at my speed or at the distance I would go... so I make sure they enjoy it and then head out for round 2 for ME! :D

[Blueberry]

I ride a C-D place in our club's designation (about 12-14 mph, depending on the terrain and how hard I feel like pushing), and hubby's more like 17mph average. He goes on *his* separate rides, and rides with me sometimes. I go on *my* separate rides. When we do ride together, what works best is for him to have done a "fast" ride, and be a little tired when he starts riding with me - that way, it's more of a cool down/recovery ride for him. Of course, he still zooms ahead on occasion and waits for me to catch up... I probably ride more regularly than he does overall, but he's still faster.

I would be concerned with your always riding at his speed that you don't get enough of a workout and won't improve your skills. Wanting to challenge yourself *does not* make you a bad person. It needs to be fun for you too!

[cyclingnewbie]

These are all good suggestions. I'm really struggling with whether or not I need to own being his motivator. Even if I ride with him and then go on when he's done, he ends up sitting in the truck waiting for me to get back. He just needs to kick it up a notch! :D

[cindysue]

I think it is fabulous that your husband is making some effort to get out. In fact, the more he does, the more motivated he may be to work on that other bike....

I'd suggest going out on a brisk ride before you ride with hubby, them come back and get him after you've already worked up quite a sweat and drained off a little energy! That's what I like to do when I am leading a fairly easy or short distant ride and don't want to feel cheated.....

edit - I also see that CA in NC suggested the same thing....

[salsabike]

Here's yet another thought, although I realize this raises a whole new set of issues (and money). I too average 13-14 mph, and my spouse about 17 mph. But we do a lot of tandem riding, which we both love and which smooths out the speed differences nicely. We ride on our single bikes by ourselves during the week, and do 30-60 mile tandem rides on the weekends. It's a blast! If that seems worth a try to you, read up a little on the basics (how to start, stop, who does what) and then rent one for a day. That's what we did, and we just loved it, and still do. Otherwise, what CA_in_NC says seems to make a lot of sense.

[SalsaMTB]

What about doing one or two rides a week with him and then a few on your own? I think it's good to ride with your spouse and he might need the motivation, especially if he's new to the sport, but it's also good for you to get a good ride in. Are there group rides that go out and maybe split up by skill level so he can do the easier one, you do the harder one? Hate to say it, but if he's new and you don't ride with him, he probably won't ride. When I first started mountain riding, there is no way I would have gone out without my husband. Although it's for different reason (didn't know basic repairs, lost on trails, etc) but he might have his excuses too (not confident crossing roads, riding in shoulders, basic repairs) until he has more experience.

[cyclingnewbie]

Here's yet another thought, although I realize this raises a whole new set of issues (and money). I too average 13-14 mph, and my spouse about 17 mph. But we do a lot of tandem riding, which we both love and which smooths out the speed differences nicely. We ride on our single bikes by ourselves during the week, and do 30-60 mile tandem rides on the weekends. It's a blast! If that seems worth a try to you, read up a little on the basics (how to start, stop, who does what) and then rent one for a day. That's what we did, and we just loved it, and still do. Otherwise, what CA_in_NC says seems to make a lot of sense.

This is a really great idea too! I'll have to look into this. Thanks for all the ideas.

[pkq]

You don't sound like a terrible person. You sound really normal. I'd mix it up, if I were you.

[madisongrrl]

Just take your hubby on recovery rides....

[Geonz]

What about the assorted great equalizers of riding?

A: Before you ride *with* him, take a half an hour and ride your butt off. You'll be ready for a warm down.

B. Give yourself a weight handicap, or get big ol' tires, or a slow bike. I lead my Saturday Saunter on a Schwinn "Racer" (whihc is faster than it looks when it wants to be) I got from E-bay for $32 (plus a little more than that shipping).

[Number 7]

i'm on your husband's end of things...i'm definitely a lot slower than my DH. whenever we go out for rides, i know i'm holding him back. but he claims that riding slower with somebody is better than riding faster alone. i do encourage him to do rides at his own pace, and there are certain rides that are tough for me (or some of his friends i can't stand), and he does those alone too. (i'm not much of an alone rider...i get bored). however, due to the fact that he has spent tons of time riding with me (and getting me on a trainer), i've noticed amazing improvement. so definitely have a ride or two for yourself, but you'll be so happy with your DH's improvement after you help him for awhile, and your alone rides will be less frequent :)