OT: My husband the procrastanator!

[Brandi]

Lady's I need some advice! I am internally going crazy here!
I have a great husband, he is handsome, smart (to smart), creative, funny and he has a bad side. He is a huge procrastanator. You know the old saying "why do today what you can put off till tomorrow". I on the other hand get things done. Not to say I have never put things off I am not perfect. But he is driving me crazy.
Example: We travel a lot for our work, as a matter of fact we are leaving next week for a work trip. I got all our tax stuff together for our accountant. He has to get all the office stuff together and then put everything into the computer and send it off to her. Now i have gotten all the figures together for him all he has to do is office reciepts which won't take more then a half an hour to do and putting everything in the computer maybe another half an hour. For a week now he has said he is going to to do it and he hasn't. I finally said the other day,"here just give it to me I will do it". Well he got mad and said "what is your problem why do you keep bugging me about this?" leave it alone for god's sake!" So I said "fine I will". And Guess what he still hasn't done it. Now he won't not do it. But this is driving me nuts. We are going to owe money I want to know how much etc... and get it behind me.
Why is this bugging me so much? Am I a control freak? And now I can't say anything about them cause I told him i would leave it alone. Not unless I want to make him really mad. By the way we have been together 19 years and this has gotten worse with him or me. He will get it done he just waits till the last minute with everything and then gets pissy about it.AAAHHHHH!:mad:

[Dianyla]

The way to tell if you're being a control freak or not is to ask yourself whether you're trying to control something that really doesn't affect you at all. If his procrastination of a task truly doesn't affect you, then it's none of your business. However, if he's procrastinating doing something and the result definitely affects you, then you have every right to be involved as well. You really have to pick your battles on this one.

One thing that may help is to assure him that you're only offering to do the task for him as a convenience. He is probably getting defensive because he thinks you're implying that he's incompetent and cannot do it himself. Some would say this is a stereotypical manly thing, but I feel the same way when someone wants to take over a task that I've been procrastinating on.

Also, you can try to secure his agreement about delegation/division of tasks before there is an actual task in dispute. If you catch him when he's calm and there is nothing due and get him to agree to let you manage certain things, then you can remind him later of what he agreed to.

[KSH]

I WAS married to someone like that. I knew that no matter what, I couldn't trust him to take care of anything important. So, he never did.

Honestly, your husband is the way he is. You can't change who he is at his core. He doesn't get stuff done... on time. Period.

You can't change him, you can only change your reaction to him.

And, if you know there is something you need done on time and done right, don't let him do it, because you know it will drive you nuts worrying about if he got it done or not (and he probably hasn't).

Best of luck.

[Brandi]

I like your words there. Food for thought. Thank you much for your words of wisdom. And i am agreeing the more I ponder them.

[pkq]

Being timely with taxes and other important issues is being a responsible adult. It is not being a control freak.

Some people lack a sense of time management.

Don't focus on it so much, do what you need to do, and keep your sanity. :)

[Brandi]

Oh I should add this- He will get the stuff done but it is always last minute. He would never let a bill go unpaid or anything like that. He is very anal about having perfect credit etc...

[Barb]

Brandi- if you are confident that he will get the stuff done on time (in his own time) then let go. I used to turn myself inside out to get my SO to get things done. Finally I stopped. I know now that if it affects me, then I should handle it. he won't get it done on time period. If it doesn't affect me, I try to just let it go. A couple of times he has had consequences to pay (late fees, poor credit) becuase he did not handle his stuff. He is slowly learning.

I am a very immediate person. It just about killed me to let things go! I am still working on it. As long as it doesn't mess with my credit or my bikes, I try really hard to let him handle his own messes. I envy you that you know your hubby will get things done!

[Brandi]

Brandi- if you are confident that he will get the stuff done on time (in his own time) then let go. I used to turn myself inside out to get my SO to get things done. Finally I stopped. I know now that if it affects me, then I should handle it. he won't get it done on time period. If it doesn't affect me, I try to just let it go. A couple of times he has had consequences to pay (late fees, poor credit) becuase he did not handle his stuff. He is slowly learning.

I am a very immediate person. It just about killed me to let things go! I am still working on it. As long as it doesn't mess with my credit or my bikes, I try really hard to let him handle his own messes. I envy you that you know your hubby will get things done!
Yea I guess maybe I am to hard on him sometimes. He would never let things get bad. And will never forget to pay a bill. It is just so frustrating when you want to put it behind you but it keeps looming in front of you. I have a hard time letting things go that's for sure.