What would you think/do?

[lauraelmore1033]

I've been attending a barre class for over a year now. I haven't really gotten any smaller,but I'm much stronger than I was when I started, and have corrected many of the alignment issues that lead to back pain and referred pain in my hip. Generally, people are polite if not friendly, but there is a subtle cliquishness amongst some of the women who come regularly. I'm a bit of an introvert, so I don't really go out of my way to interact with these ladies.

This morning I arrived early and set up my props and water bottle at a space at the barre. I am a creature of habit, and tend to set up in the same few spots. I wandered around and returned in time to see one of the regulars who had just set herself up in the spot next to me. A few minutes later I heard her talking to her “group”, bemoaning the fact that she had set up next to me when she had gone out of her way to count spaces to avoid such a possibility! They were all yucking it up about this, so I'm assuming the ickiness of working out next to me has been a subject of conversation amongst them before. I very pointedly walked over and moved a space over; it's not such a treat working out next to that lady, so it was no skin off my nose if she's a fat biggot, or thinks I sweat too much (and, boy do I ever...). In theory, it was no skin off my nose; I started fuming as the class began and had worked up to a simmering rage by the time it was over. I was torn between conflicting desires to either march up to the front desk and cancel my membership, or, to appear tomorrow, unwashed and having breakfasted on onion slices and doritos, wearing my New Moon Farm “manure management” tee shirt and occupy as much of the center of the space those ladies like to set up in.
What would you do?

[OakLeaf]

Ugh, that's awful. So sorry that happened to you.

I would definitely say something to the teacher (whether or not s/he is part of the clique) and probably to studio management if the teacher isn't the owner. IME, sometimes it's just one teacher's classes that are super cliquish, while others at the same gym/studio are more welcoming - are there other teachers whose classes might fit into your schedule? Is there another studio convenient to you?

[roo4]

That's terrible! What would I think? I would be angry and embarrassed. What would I do? Well, I hope I would have the courage and confidence to ignore them and get a great workout. If there are evaluations at the end of class, I would comment on the lack of welcoming atmosphere. But knowing me, it is equally likely that I would be discouraged and drop out of the class. If that is your choice, please let the management know why. And then find a better workout.

[rebeccaC]

+1 with roo4


or thinks I sweat too much (and, boy do I ever...).

If I sweated a lot I’d be especially conscience of it in close exercise contact with others and try to minimize/eliminate it's effect on those next to me.

Now...If I heard someone talking to others about it in a clique-y demeaning way I’d ask them about it the first time we had a minute to talk. I like conversations about finding positive ways through a difficulty .…and sometimes there are people you just have to ignore after a few well meaning but failed attempts. If it couldn't be resolved quickly i'd talk to the instructor/owner about how that kind of behavior affects you, new comers and hence business. If they don't see the value in dealing with it then that should make it real easy to leave....

Now bullying is a good opportunity to talk to young girls about how building self-confidence helps in confronting negative pressures in life…......................and how martial arts can help assist both of those :).

[lauraelmore1033]

I think you should walk up to the group next time you see them and tell them that they should all be ashamed of themselves for their uncouth behavior. Not, "may I speak with you?" Or any other little things to reduce the impact. Just tell them they were out of line.

(And yes. Use the word 'uncouth.' :D).

Also, the suggestions from others were my first thought. But I think you should confront the bullies. It will make them squirm. People like that don't know how to function with honesty.

I'm actually wondering what you meant about here being a bigot. Just curious.

When you say 'barre' class. Do you mean the ballet barre portion of a ballet class only? Or some type of fusion class. (Hence the props, not used in ballet). I understand the anger that built through the class. I've been in situations that made me angry, and that is what always happens.

I use the word bigot because prejudice is prejudice, whether it's towards someone who is fat (and I experience this in many, more extreme ways) or towards someone of a different race,culture,or creed.
The class is a fusion of barre,Pilates and yoga.
I would hesitate to call this bullying because I don't think I was intended to hear the comments. It's just embarrassing that I have apparently been the subject of discussion by this group which has decided to actively avoid me.

[lauraelmore1033]

Ugh, that's awful. So sorry that happened to you.

I would definitely say something to the teacher (whether or not s/he is part of the clique) and probably to studio management if the teacher isn't the owner. IME, sometimes it's just one teacher's classes that are super cliquish, while others at the same gym/studio are more welcoming - are there other teachers whose classes might fit into your schedule? Is there another studio convenient to you?

The teacher is actually the studio owner. I did have a conversation with her when the studio first opened. The classes were all free for the first week, and I called to cancel because I was feeling self conscious about my body. She reassured me that all body types were welcome. (I purchased the unlimited membership right there and then!) I don't think there's anything she can do about the "middle school" attitudes of some of the people. Just not model that behavior--and she doesn't.

[Blueberry]

The teacher is actually the studio owner. I did have a conversation with her when the studio first opened. The classes were all free for the first week, and I called to cancel because I was feeling self conscious about my body. She reassured me that all body types were welcome. (I purchased the unlimited membership right there and then!) I don't think there's anything she can do about the "middle school" attitudes of some of the people. Just not model that behavior--and she doesn't.

First of all, I'm so, so sorry this happened to you. I've had similar experiences, and they're - to put it mildly - miserable. I don't think there are great answers to how to deal with it - I have had people deny when confronted - which makes a bad situation worse.

I would encourage you to talk to the owner, though. I don't know what she might want to do - but if I owned the studio and some students were making others uncomfortable, I would *absolutely* want to know. It certainly can result in a loss of business - and she may well want to find a way to address it.

[shootingstar]

I've never been in such/any exercise studios. So I'm pretty ignorant of all this.

(I'm a cheapie..I've taken exercise classes through evening part-time courses for adults via local school board. :) I've had excellent instructors.)

Would be nice that a forward thinking studio owner would post a nice, not too big poster at back of classroom that espouses the studio's approach/expectations for student/participant behaviour. It can be expressed in an inspiring, brief way if she already teaches and runs her studio based on those values.

[salsabike]

Laura, I think I would probably go back, take aside the woman who made the comments, and tell her that I'd overheard them and that...fill in this blank with whatever you think is really important to convey to her. I wouldn't talk to a whole group--the dynamic of that is way different. I'd talk to her alone. And I WOULD talk to her about it. And probably to the owner as well.

Muirenn is right; it's bullying.

By the way, Muirenn, a barre class bears almost no resemblance to the barre section of a ballet class. It's sort of like a superheated Pilates class. It's great, but the name "barre" is all PR and no saddle, so to speak. :)

[lauraelmore1033]

I dunno, I'm strongly leaning towards cancelling my membership and letting the owner know why. I'm not sure I can speak to the woman without crying, and I dontwannadoit.

[salsabike]

I dunno, I'm strongly leaning towards cancelling my membership and letting the owner know why. I'm not sure I can speak to the woman without crying, and I dontwannadoit.

Yep, totally understand that part. Do what works best for you. And then keep on keeping on. I wonder if that woman has done 6 STPs. Or is it more than 6?

[Blueberry]

I dunno, I'm strongly leaning towards cancelling my membership and letting the owner know why. I'm not sure I can speak to the woman without crying, and I dontwannadoit.

I totally 100% understand this. I would follow through on letting her know why though. Mean people suck - your riding has been an inspiration. Keep being your awesome self!

[thekarens]

I dunno, I'm strongly leaning towards cancelling my membership and letting the owner know why. I'm not sure I can speak to the woman without crying, and I dontwannadoit.

That's me, if I get really angry (which I would in this situation) I start crying. It's embarrassing.

[smilingcat]

I hate the back stabbing *&^%!! Don't let them get to you emotionally. They really can't do much to you anyway. Not physically, financially and not mentally if you don't let them. I would talk with the owner so she knows what is going on and that you are going to pull this one woman on the side and have a word with her.

Bullies usually back down if you confront them. they typically deny any of your claim. So just tell them that it doesn't matter what she thinks or claims, tell her that you don't appreciate the b*&y attitude and adolescent behavior.

Now, if the owner of the place thinks its more important to keep the clique, then cancel your membership because it just means that the clique is more important than you. I wouldn't bother giving money to a place that doesn't have any interest in my well being.

Easier said than done but don't think about the stupid comments or epithet thrown at you. Try to brush it off as a sign of their immaturity.

[rocknrollgirl]

I am so sorry that you are going through this. I go to yoga at a studio that has a "young,blonde and bendy" clique, so I get it. Fortunately, they rarely get out of bed on weekends for a 7:30 class. It is just the AARP crowd!

Do you love the class? The silly women aside, do you love it? If you do, then don't give up something you love because women can be beechy. Switch classes, confront the other woman, talk to the owner, do whatever you have to do to stay if you love it.

[Crankin]

I notice this more and more. Not so much at my gym, since I rarely go to anything other than the 5:30 AM boot camp, but around town, there's this sub set of 35-50 y/o moms who all have the same look, which involves wearing athletic apparel and a cap all day, a certain tone of voice, and the inability to envision exercising outside, except for running.
Seriously, these people act like they are still in middle school. There is one who occasionally comes to my boot camp class. One day, our regular instructor was not there and when she saw a sub, she had a melt down, started whining and getting really agitated saying that she was going to have to "not eat all day" because she wasn't going to burn enough calories. It was scary to see and I thought I was going to have to go into professional mode.

[OakLeaf]

As someone who sweats a lot I just had to address this:

If I sweated a lot I’d be especially conscience of it in close exercise contact with others.

It seems to me that in a class setting, we are there to sweat. Now we all have encountered people who freak out at the first droplet, but IMO, in a workout class, they're the ones with the problem, not me. Sweating is partly genetics but mostly a sign of a high level of fitness! Outside of the gym/race/ride it might be another thing - there have definitely been times I felt like I could go into Home Depot but NOT food shopping on my way back from a run :p - but in the gym or studio, as long as I'm wearing something absorbent enough that I'm not giving everyone else a shower, and as long as I wipe off the floor and/or equipment when I'm done, sweating is why we are all there.

Harrumph.

[Crankin]

I agree with the above. And my next response is if they are freaked out by sweat, why are they there?!!!
I have a friend who "hates to sweat." Unfortunately, she's had health consequences because of this attitude. She won't even go on a walk with me.

[lauraelmore1033]

And then keep on keeping on. I wonder if that woman has done 6 STPs. Or is it more than 6?

I tell myself that with alarming frequency. I think it is more than 6.
Well, I did cancel my membership and mentioned why. The owner got right back to me and said she was furious. She said she would not tolerate that sort of attitude in her studio. She wanted names but I didn't know them. She said she had gotten many complaints about the cliques.
I suspect the main problem those ladies had with me was of their own self image: How can you continue to think you are exceptional when there is a lady carrying what amounts to a whole extra person who can match or better your efforts?
Thanks for all the support, everyone.

[shootingstar]

Well, I did cancel my membership and mentioned why. The owner got right back to me and said she was furious. She said she would not tolerate that sort of attitude in her studio. She wanted names but I didn't know them. She said she had gotten many complaints about the cliques.

I'm sorry you had to drop a class that was benefitting you physically. The studio owner has to state her "philosophy"/values ..to new student/learning groups at beginning of a course. Hope you find something else..outside of cycling, which is always a good thing for cross-training.

In reading this whole thread, I feel like a 56-yr. girl baby: I've been protected/cushioned from all this sort of female fitness cliquish dynamics!

Mind you, the cycling world has its own cliques which I never paid much attention...which is why I continue cycle a lot on my own, with just my partner or a good friend occasionally. I think my cycling confidence would have been shattered a long time ago because I didn't have as powerful legs as others, fantastic lungpower, etc.

I am an outlier in many ways...I don't even get together with all-female friends for a girls' night out...'cause my best friends are scattered across Canada. So in exercise classes (only 3 I've taken in last 15 yrs.), I don't even socialize with hardly anyone. Just went there to learn and then leave.

Have I been bullied....yes, racial and ethnic. So we have our own thing...which we cannot change but reject those who are toxic.

[rebeccaC]

lauraelmore…..hoping you find a truly supportive, knowledgeable and caring instructor/class in the near future!!!!


This is why, in my first response to this thread, that I recommended just saying they should be ashamed of their behavior, rather than politely saying may I speak with you? and then discussing. Just...announce that their behavior is unacceptable, then refuse to engage further.

I'm not certain tears are a bad thing. That might make a few of them feel guilty.

I guess I prefer to try for a positive learning moment first, makes me feel better about it no matter the outcome……and because of a grandmother who had mastered using guilt I don’t see much value in it.

[AppleTree]

I tell myself that with alarming frequency. I think it is more than 6.
Well, I did cancel my membership and mentioned why. The owner got right back to me and said she was furious. She said she would not tolerate that sort of attitude in her studio. She wanted names but I didn't know them. She said she had gotten many complaints about the cliques.
I suspect the main problem those ladies had with me was of their own self image: How can you continue to think you are exceptional when there is a lady carrying what amounts to a whole extra person who can match or better your efforts?
Thanks for all the support, everyone.

:mad::mad::mad: I am so sorry this happened to you lauraelmore, you don't deserve to be treated that way. That was a great point made Salsa... I'm guessing those candy @sses would as soon participate in the Seattle to Portland ride as they would fly to the moon.. and in the times you did it in too. Bravo to you for being brave to go to this class in the first place. I am no skinny minny either these days and extremely introverted in new situations like this. I would never join a gym class. Going to a small beginning yoga class was hard enough for me, I felt (and still feel) so inadequate and clumsy! I would probably do the same thing you did, just quit the class, maybe find another friendlier place to be. I would THINK lots of things to say, but never find the nerve to say it out loud.

[emily_in_nc]

So sorry that you had to quit the studio! Glad to hear that the owner was angry about it, though. Maybe there's another barre class in your area you could try? I've always thought that looked like an interesting workout as we lived very near a "Pure Barre" in NC, but prices were high, so I never tried a class.

[rebeccaC]

And yet, this comment makes me feel guilty. Actually, it makes me feel bad.

why?.....it's just two things i've learned about myself and a different way of dealing with it

[maillotpois]

I think it completely stinks that you gave up something that you enjoyed and was healthy for you because of those trolls. I'm so sorry.

[ny biker]

I tell myself that with alarming frequency. I think it is more than 6.
Well, I did cancel my membership and mentioned why. The owner got right back to me and said she was furious. She said she would not tolerate that sort of attitude in her studio. She wanted names but I didn't know them. She said she had gotten many complaints about the cliques.
I suspect the main problem those ladies had with me was of their own self image: How can you continue to think you are exceptional when there is a lady carrying what amounts to a whole extra person who can match or better your efforts?
Thanks for all the support, everyone.

Since the class has been helpful to you and the owner supports you, I think you should remain open to rejoining at some point. You have as much right to be there as any other member.

[PamNY]

Yuck. I am so sorry this happened to you. It's fun to talk about confronting them, but I probably wouldn't do it either. I don't blame you for leaving, and I am very glad you told the owner what happened.

As I grow older, I am astonished at how many people never outgrow this type of cliquish behavior.

[Catrin]

I am so sorry that you had to quit, but glad to hear you told the owner the real reason why. This behavior is one of the main reasons I won't try more traditional group training classes, I've been around this in the past and it is depressing.

[shootingstar]

As I grow older, I am astonished at how many people never outgrow this type of cliquish behavior.

Maybe it comes with recognizing our own frailities over time. Well, one would hope...

[Crankin]

Murienn, don't feel guilty! I would confront them, too. People like this don't feel badly about their behaviors until you call them on it. Let them feel guilty. They caused a grown woman to quit something she loved because of their bullying. It's no different than if they were in middle school.

[salsabike]

+1 with roo4



If I sweated a lot I’d be especially conscience of it in close exercise contact with others and try to minimize/eliminate it's effect on those next to me.



Funny, I used to walk out of every ballet class absolutely soaked in sweat, wet hair, red face, and hand towel that lived on the barre--and that was true of many dancers in class. I never worried about it, ever. That's why we're there, to work our butts off.

Maybe part of that sweat worry is gym culture, where people are expected to dry their sweat off equipment before moving on, etc. It sure doesn't have any place in a barre class, which is hard work and where people have their own spaces to sweat in.

I personally really am not bothered by other people's sweat.

[zoom-zoom]

The stupid thing is that heavy sweating is a sign of exceptional fitness. Fitter people start sweating earlier and harder than non-fit people, because our bodies are better prepared to prevent overheating, acclimated to effort.

The "women" at this class remind me of the vibe I get from some of the women in my 'hood. Women who are slim from calorie restriction, alone (ie "skinny fat"). They are not fit. They all live in yoga pants and Uggs...like a uniform. A friend of mine has been trying to talk me into joining her at a local boot camp gym, but I have 0 interest in being a gym rat or dealing with potential cliquey nonsense. One thing I love about the Tues. and Thurs. PM rides I do most of the Summer is that frequently I'm the only female in the paceline. Guys don't pull this BS. And then we share beers and crass jokes after our rides without uppity pretense.

[lauraelmore1033]

The stupid thing is that heavy sweating is a sign of exceptional fitness. Fitter people start sweating earlier and harder than non-fit people, because our bodies are better prepared to prevent overheating, acclimated to effort.

Wow, I did not know that! I've always sweated heavily during exercise and taken it as a sign of... well, some sort of deficiency on my part, since nobody else seems to sweat like me.

I think I'm officially giving up on the group exercise experience. I spent many years happily doing exercise videos for strength training and riding the bike for cardio. I just have to keep reminding myself how important the stretch/strength stuff is. I have a very deep groove in the left crank arm of my tricross as evidence of the imbalances caused by neglecting that, and some lingering numbness in my left leg (from the herniated disc) as a reminder of the consequences...

[ny biker]

Well sweating is one of those things you really have no control over, so it's not a deficiency. The only thing you can control is how you manage it, such as using towels and wiping down any equipment you used when you're done. (I have no patience for people who sweat all over the benches, etc in the free weight area and then move on without cleaning up. There are unlimited free towels available at my gym, so people have no excuse not to clean up their a$$ sweat.)

[lauraelmore1033]

Well sweating is one of those things you really have no control over, so it's not a deficiency. The only thing you can control is how you manage it, such as using towels and wiping down any equipment you used when you're done. (I have no patience for people who sweat all over the benches, etc in the free weight area and then move on without cleaning up. There are unlimited free towels available at my gym, so people have no excuse not to clean up their a$$ sweat.)

Definitely a frequent towel user here...

[rebeccaC]

Funny, I used to walk out of every ballet class absolutely soaked in sweat, wet hair, red face, and hand towel that lived on the barre--and that was true of many dancers in class. I never worried about it, ever. That's why we're there, to work our butts off.

Maybe part of that sweat worry is gym culture, where people are expected to dry their sweat off equipment before moving on, etc. It sure doesn't have any place in a barre class, which is hard work and where people have their own spaces to sweat in.

I personally really am not bothered by other people's sweat.

She emphasized that she sweats a LOT and that it might be one of the woman’s objection…..just trying to add something that I would do (as asked for in her title) to reduce the effect of that on others if indeed it even was a problem. I’ve been to a pure barre class with a friend and because of the size of the room we were much closer to each other than other types of exercise classes i've done…..and yes I also think it’s probably more of a gym type of thinking but I can also see how someone might object in close contact... and i have no problem with sweat....mine or others :) It was in the high 70's low 80's for a fast ride i did this afternoon with a couple of dusty areas kicked up by the wind thrown in.....when we got back to the hotel we were wet from the sweat, dirty from the dust and we still had the smiles of a good ride


and i'm sticking with trying to find a calm and positive solution to problems like Lauraelmore wrote about :)

[salsabike]

Hey, rebeccaC, my comment was not directed at you personally but at the subject matter only. :)

[lph]

Wow, I am so sad this happened, and that you felt you had to leave. I completely understand, though. In your place I would love to be strong and assertive and all that, in real life I would probably be furious and mortified at the same time and never say a word. I did think of one thing that might help, though - write a note to this woman. Explain what you heard, what it felt like, and how you've now left because of it. IME people are often thoughtless and stupid, not truly vicious. It might make you feel better, and it would certainly make her think. Ask the teacher to hand her the note if you don't want to ever see her again. Just a thought.

[rebeccaC]

Hey, rebeccaC, my comment was not directed at you personally but at the subject matter only. :)

i was just adding more words to my original thoughts because you quoted me..:)

[Crankin]

I've had extensive experience working with bullies in middle school and training peer counselors in an anti-bullying program as a teacher. I also work with quite a few adults as a therapist, who are victims of people who most likely have narcissistic personality disorder (and are even crueler than those women at the barre class). There is generally a lack of empathy on the part of people who display this type of behavior. They cannot begin to change this pattern and see the effects of their behavior until they are confronted with it. While Lauraelmore (or any victim) shouldn't have to "cure" these people, saying nothing will just perpetuate the cycle.
The gym owner definitely needs to address this issue, now that she is aware of it.

[OakLeaf]

Sounds to me like she was already aware of it, had had other complaints. And the idea that she needed lauraelmore to identify them for her ... if it's anything like the groups I've known, you don't have to have Spidey Sense to pick them out. Sounds like the owner would rather keep this core group of paying customers, than make anyone else welcome in her studio.

I'm with PamNY. It makes me really sad and angry that you were forced out of this studio that you'd been benefiting from, but it's not your job to fix it.

I really would encourage you to try to find another studio though, maybe after a break. I'll do videos at home when there's no good alternative, but I don't see it as a long term thing. Personal instruction is important for anyone, even masters of their sport or other discipline, and social interaction CAN be good too, there really are places without all that drama.

[lauraelmore1033]

First off, thanks for all your replies and words of support. It's good to know that my perception of/reaction to the situation comes close to that of others. I grew up being bullied by my family and others, and was always told that I was guilty of being overly sensitive about it. I used to joke that I wouldn't know "normal" if if wore a name tag. I thought I had moved beyond that. As an older adult, I am usually able to recognize disordered behavior/thinking in others and not take it on board. But it is still hard for me. The fact that the behavior was what one might expect from 10 year olds (and not women in their mid 60s) and occurred in a disarmingly supportive atmosphere, activated all my impulses to flee as if from a poisonous gas. Now I'm feeling like I've blown things out of proportion, but also that I don't want to go back, knowing how everybody REALLY feels about me. (but there is part of me that says I should go back and continue to disrupt the homogeneity of their privileged lives...)

I have been emailing back and forth with the studio manager who still expresses distress over the situation and assures me that she has spoken to many members who say they find me to be an inspiration. This leads me to believe that the whole incident has been discussed publicly. Would be nice if the bullies had the decency to feel guilty. Somehow I doubt it...

[Lelani Carver]

I dunno, I'm strongly leaning towards cancelling my membership and letting the owner know why. I'm not sure I can speak to the woman without crying, and I dontwannadoit.

You are a paying customer and are a member of one year's standing. You are physically stronger and fitter now, and you deserve a workout space that benefits you and helps you achieve your goals.

Pick your spot and hold your head high, you are worth it. Call them out if you can, give them the blank "your existence does not matter" glance if you can't.

If you pick a spot near the instructor, she will hear them too. If you speak to the instructor about it, speak to the owner.



Smile at them to let them know they're the awful ones, not you.

(Edited to fix a nonsensical one word sentence)

[Irulan]

Chances are that if they were confronted and it was public that the behaviors were unacceptable, that they would quit, probably with some sort of lame excuse.

[ny biker]

It's good to know that my perception of/reaction to the situation comes close to that of others. I grew up being bullied by my family and others, and was always told that I was guilty of being overly sensitive about it.

This is a pretty classic 1-2 punch. First they knock you down, then they criticize/blame you for being on the floor. They can't acknowledge that your feelings are valid because then they would be forced to realize that they did something wrong. But your feelings are valid. Really it's another thing you can't control -- it's an emotion. What you can control is how you deal with it, whether it's hitting back physically or verbally or turning the other cheek and forgiving them or any of the many other possibilities in between.

Bear in mind that this woman had the choice to move to another spot, but instead she chose to be stay put and say nasty things. It seems to me that she has plenty of deficiencies, to say the least.

I know what you mean about reacting on impulse -- it can be hard to cut through the emotion and see a situation clearly. It happens to all of us at times. But you definitely did not blow things out of proportion.

[Crankin]

This whole thing is so discouraging. How are people supposed to get fit from these types of activities, if they are bullied?
The others in my boot camp class are kind of tri/running snobs. They have always been friendly to me, but once they learned I was not going to ride with them, I hate swimming, and competition is not my cup of tea, a few stopped talking to me. It's 5:30 AM and it's not that many people, so I engage the ones who are friendly, and I make the others listen to me talk about my cycling trips. I am at least 15 years older than most of them, I don't think they have any idea.

[ny biker]

The others in my boot camp class are kind of tri/running snobs. They have always been friendly to me, but once they learned I was not going to ride with them, I hate swimming, and competition is not my cup of tea, a few stopped talking to me.


This reminds me of a few parties I went to when I first moved to DC. The person hosting worked on Capital Hill as a congressional aide and most of the guests did too. After people found out I had a totally different career, they ignored me for the rest of the party. At one of the parties I ended up talking to a priest (childhood friend of the host) the whole night.

I don't typically talk to folks at the gym. At my old gym I got to know a few people but mostly that was through my trainer, who is very social. But for the most part I prefer to listen to my mp3 player and just focus on my workout.

[Helene2013]

Same for hubby bike club....the "pros" are always staying together and are so minded into leaving for the ride that they are in their own world totaling ignoring the "normal" riders, which are not bad at all (my husband is in the 2nd fastest group. But even so, he is not part of the click just as not any of the other riders from group 2, 3, etc... Worst is he knows one of the "pro" guys because he is the brother our ex-back neighbour!!! So just to say that some people may think they are just better than you and instead of sharing their knowledge/experiences while waiting for the ride to start, they prefer to remain amongst themselves with their super bikes, facing back the other riders. It is something that was brought up to the club, but did nothing.

And OMG...if a slower group happens to pass them (due to a flat or other from one of them), it is BAD! They do all they can to regain the front of ride (in fact they disappear quickly as they ride easily over 45km/h.

I suppose it is the reality of some people. Just like you find clicks on discussion boards, too often. :(

[Wasp]

http://globalnews.ca/news/1909089/kristi-gordon-says-to-the-haters-thanks/

Ignorant shallow people are everywhere. I like to think that people that make cruel and ignorant remarks clearly do not understand the power of the spoken word. I feel bad that this happened to you, however take comfort that your not alone in over hearing such hurtful comments. The last time I over heard someone making a snarky remark that referred to myself, I confronted the person right away and repeated the statement to her face (in front of her group) and asked if I had "heard her correctly or misunderstood". Needless to say she shut right up.

The link I posted (hopefully it works) explains the treatment from a few nasty TV viewers towards a local news weather person who is pregnant with her second child and how it has effected her. It's just so uncalled for and sad.

I think you should continue doing what your comfortable doing. I get you don't want to go back as the instructor has brought this forward to the class, but the flip side of that is you may be pleasantly surprised at the warm welcome back from the non-*****y class members.