Not a party person - anybody else?

[Dogmama]

I really would rather translate Caesar than go to a party - especially with a lot of political types. We were supposed to go today but have been fighting a stomach bug & decided to pass. It was a cutesy party too - where you had to write on your name tag "one thing that people don't know about you." DH was going to write,"I'm wearing wife's undergarments."

I don't mind lunch out with friends, etc., but parties in general make me anxious. I don't think I have any social anxiety disorders (?) because I routinely meet and work with new people in my business. I just feel that at age 60, I get to decide how to spend my time.

Am I weird or are there other people who feel this way? If you got over it, please share! The holidays (and parties) are approaching.

[ny biker]

It depends on the party. I don't go to many, but also don't get invited to many.

[shootingstar]

I don't mind lunch out with friends, etc., but parties in general make me anxious. I don't think I have any social anxiety disorders (?) because I routinely meet and work with new people in my business. I just feel that at age 60, I get to decide how to spend my time.

Am I weird or are there other people who feel this way? If you got over it, please share! The holidays (and parties) are approaching.

If it's a work-related party, I'm not as enthused as a party with a party with family or friends who we all share 1 common interest (at least). Totally agree with you dogmama, the older one gets, the more compelling time means how to spend quality time during the holidays. Great that your hubby would probably agree with you.

I enjoy meeting people and learning from them, but it doesn't need to be a party to have this happen.

Over the years, I've noticed that myself and my partner have the same sort of socialization habits in a party situation, each of us, separately end up talking with only 2-3 different people at ie. 4-hr. long party. So I guess we're similar: we're socialable hermits.

I also would like to say that gender and race shouldn't make a difference but it can. People can be cliquish I'm sorry....I recall attending a pre-conference party (over 180 people) for an international cycling infrastructure conference. You would think cyclists would be more broad-minded...but hey, it REALLY was awkward. We were in Copenhagen 2010. No one approached us ..at all. Dearie and I. I felt sorry for dearie (than myself), he is well known in Vancouver and was actually steering a group to win the next conference site bid to be Vancouver as the lst North American conference site after many years in Europe.

Sometimes as an interracial couple in a predominantly non-interracial groups at times, we have take the step forward. Not the other way around.

[Pax]

I'm okay with parties as long as they're not work related. Those I simply refuse to attend, I have to spend all week with people not of my choosing in order to make a living... no way I'll spend any non-work time with them.

[Helene2013]

I'm sort of hermit too for that. I like my time at home with MY family. Friends it depends when/where. I want to decide. hihi

As for work, I hate hate hate work get-togethers, outside of my working hours. I love my team mates...at work. I don't mingle much. We have a team building activity this coming Friday (going paintball and then dinner). I was totally not looking forward to this. I have an excuse now not to attend: my knee issue and being on crutches. We had another team meeting about a month ago as our big boss for our services was in town (she's based in Calgary). Could not, not go. It was fun and I was home a few hours later than normal time and I hate this. Don't take my time from my husband and pets. I don't see them enough as it is. I would never travel for a job. Hats off to those of you who do! I refused jobs requesting this.

As for the Xmas party, it is a biggie one for my work. And I don't go. Maybe once every 3 years and even...I'm leaving as soon as dinner is over (normally 9:30-10pm). It's super chic and I don't care for this. At all. It's not because I work there that I need to be with them overtime. No way. haha

As for friends, I limit my circle because I don't want to feel the pressure to "entertain" that friendship. I have 2 or 3 and that is enough for me. I don't have enough time in a week to keep every thing on top so I select what I want. Maybe because I'm over 50 too and life is short and I want to enjoy it on my terms. And husband is just like me. So that is cool and good enough.

So nope, you're not alone!

[ny biker]

I'm happy to go to parties with co-workers that I socialize with. It doesn't happen much anymore, but in the past I've worked with people who I liked to hang out with.

Our bike club's annual volunteer party is coming up soon, and I'm looking forward to that. Last year I didn't go. I had recently started a new, longer commute to a different work location, and could not muster the energy to drive an hour to the party and an hour back home again. I went for a bike ride instead, on my own. But now I've adjusted to the new commute (I still hate it, think it's a total waste of time and money, resent that it's necessary, but I've adjusted to it), so I'm willing to make the drive to the party so I can spend time with my friends.

We'll also be having a holiday party at work this year, for the first time in a while. It's a challenge logistically -- semi-formal on a Friday night, so I'll have to bring a dress to work, change at the office and leave work early in order to fight rush hour traffic to get there. But the party is between the office and my house, so I'm willing to give it a shot.

We also have several parties each year that are sponsored by the condo association where I live. Sometimes I'll go to them, but often I'm busy with other things. I usually miss the poolside margarita party in June because I've either done a long bike ride earlier in the day or I'm planning one early the next morning. Sometimes I'll go to the holiday party in December, but it tends to be crowded so I don't always make the effort, which involves leaving work early to get there on time. We had the annual volunteer party last week, and I did go to that because I wanted to spend some time with the friends who are on the committee that I help out with.

In the past year, three old friends have died and two have had unexpected long hospital stays due to serious health problems. It makes me realize that it's important to spend time with people, make the effort to go out even if there are reasons to stay home or do other things.

[thekarens]

I hate parties, weddings, baby showers. I much prefer to go out with a small group of people. I hate large groups.

[Dogmama]

I hate parties, weddings, baby showers. I much prefer to go out with a small group of people. I hate large groups.

What she said.

[rocknrollgirl]

OMG, I thought was all alone in my dislike of this type of social interaction. I love spending time with friends in small groups, anything other than that...blech. And work parties....no way, nope, never, not gonna do it.

[Crankin]

I have no problem socializing in groups, large or small. However, I am no longer "friends" with people I work with. I used to have a lot of close friendships with co-workers when I was teaching. We went out as friends, and sometimes with our significant others. I have hosted a few holiday parties at my home.
At my last job, there were a couple of get togethers that I did not attend, because they were far away from where I live, or involved stuff I would not do, like paintball. I am also very careful with my time, so I only go to stuff I know I will like.
DH's company stopped having holiday parties that include your significant other; however we do, some years, go to a weekend up in NH they sponsor for all employees. Over the years, we have totally eliminated going to any of the things that they sponsor during the weekend, including the Saturday night dinner. We take advantage of the free weekend at the Mt Washington Hotel, ride, hike, and go to restaurants we have discovered from our winter trips to the area. No one bothers us, there's no business related requirements to the weekend, although people tend to be nice, since DH has a visible position in the company.
I don't mind weddings (haven't been to one since my son's wedding), but baby showers and some bridal showers just piss me off, with all of those stupid, cutesy "games." I know that modern couples often have mixed gender showers, so perhaps this has changed since I was in my 20s/30s.
As far as the experience Shooting Star mentioned, I have also been in situations where DH and I felt totally ignored. One year, we went to the CRW holiday party (one of the bike clubs I belong to). This is not the club I lead for, but I know many people. I guess these people must socialize outside of riding, or at the least, they spend a lot of time riding together. There's a lot of cross over between this group and members of AMC. We left after about an hour.
But overall, I am very social, I rarely feel awkward, and while I like my quiet time in the country setting I live in, I get antsy if I go too long without "plans."

[Pax]

Crankin, this says it all in a nutshell for me "I am also very careful with my time, so I only go to stuff I know I will like"; one of the joys of middle age, for me, is I pretty much do want I want, when I want. I still HAVE to work, but I don't have to do other things I don't enjoy.

[Jolt]

For me it depends on the party...smaller get togethers or parties with friends are fun, even work parties b/c I like the people I work with, but loud crowded parties and those where I don't know anyone stress me out. For example, last night was the post-race party after the half-marathon I ran. It was being held at a local restaurant/bar and I decided to go check it out. Well, I walked in and turned around and walked right back out! The place was just packed wall to wall with people, the music was ear splittingly loud and I didn't know anyone else there anyway. Not my scene.

[Catrin]

I've never been much for parties, and these days I don't get invited much anyway. When I DO go, I generally wind up wishing I was home with a good book or movie. I generally wind up hanging out with a couple of people there, and am the 2nd person to go home. Parties just aren't my thing. I CAN be very social, but there is something about the party atmosphere that turns me into a wallflower...

[AppleTree]

I hate parties, weddings, baby showers. I much prefer to go out with a small group of people. I hate large groups.

Also agree with this sentiment! I loathe being invited to an event where the main objective is to stand around with a drink in your hand and try to make conversation with strangers. I can be outgoing and friendly, I sometimes work in positions where this is required. A friend of mine came up with the term "closet introvert", and I thought it was unique, but you can google that term and get a lot of links to blogs on that subject, ha. I enjoy the small groups I'm involved in, quilting and bicycling volunteer groups...but big events...dreadful. I can do it, but it depletes me.

[ny biker]

Re: weddings and showers, it all depends on who is getting married or having a kid. I'm looking forward to my cousin's wedding in a few weeks, because I like spending time with my family. I was happy to receive a save the date card for another cousin's wedding, because they're one of the relatives I don't get to see very often and I'm looking forward to catching up with their immediate family.

Large events are usually fine if there will be a few people there that I know and like. I have never liked parties where I only know one person -- I find it very hard to get conversations going with people in that situation.

When I was younger, I looked forward to parties as a way to possibly meet a nice guy who I might want to date and would be interested in dating me. That never happened. I met some nice people, some of them men, but nothing ever developed with them. Eventually I gave up.

[shootingstar]

Just my immediate family with their spouses and children = 20 people. So what is "big" can be "small" or normal to someone else. I enjoy dinner-party together. Sadly, we won't be able to do it.. So a family party I've always enjoyed and treasured. But then, we have family members that don't detest one another.

Last time I went to a wedding shower or baby shower was well over 25 yrs. ago. I've moved twice and lived in 3 different Canadian provinces. Those who I care for and would go (despite, I agree, cutesy annoying games at the event), are spread out all over Canada. It ends up being the wedding itself or seeing the baby long (months or years), after birth.

I've never been invited/invited myself to a wedding/baby shower for work colleagues at work (because that's the event site where they have been)....95% of them, I don't know them much at all. I've worked for over 9 different employers in past 30 years. So I reached a point a long time ago, being selective who I want to socialize, even if superficially. Once I leave the employer, in most cases, those acquaintances are no longer part of my radar. It's just the way it is...

As for cycling acquaintances, it helps to know a few faces. Deepest friendships I have ..are those who know me well enough, outside of cycling activities/events.

The right parties are great for creating positive vibes or wishing a loved one well.

[azfiddle]

Fortunately, most of the parties I get invited to are music parties where we sit around and play music. In fact, for a long time, ALL the parties I went to were music parties and I felt very strange going to parties that were just "sit around and talk" parties.

I enjoy having dinner with a small group but not parties with a lot of people I don't know.