Afraid to ride

[Catrin]

Wanted to ride yesterday but was much too busy, and today we have winter again :( I've sold my expensive bike rack so I get to take my wheel of my bike again to transport it - but since I can't ride as often as I once did that won't be a problem. I really want to ride, but am nervous since I've not ridden since October when a cyclist and I (in my car) entered a really bad intersection at the same time :( It was a REALLY BAD intersection where the driver literally can't see if anyone is on the trail until the vehicle is actually blocking it, and the cyclist wasn't paying attention. None of that was at question, thankfully there were witnesses and everyone agreed what happened - all the police would say was that it was a notoriously bad intersection for that reason. That being said, it's been hard to get that image out of my head of her lying on the ground screaming, and her tacoed front wheel just staring at me.

Thankfully she wasn't too seriously hurt, though she did have a knee injury. It could have been worse since she didn't have a helmet - I hope she wears one now. My insurance took care of everything - that is why I pay them!

Since then they've placed a stop sign for drivers before the trail intersection, but that is rather useless as you STILL can't actually see anyone on the trail until you are blocking it - they actually need a mirror. Either that or remove a big retaining wall from a parking lot that blocks the view. Between that and my neck, I am a bit nervous at the thought of riding, I WANT to ride though, so hopefully I can force my way through this. I just couldn't post about it when it happened.

[Crankin]

Catrin, it sounds like you are having some trauma symptoms. PM me, I'll give you a few suggestions to get rid of those images.

[OakLeaf]

((((((Catrin))))))

That must have been really traumatic. Can you avoid that intersection when you ride?

Hope you can get out for a short cruise soon and start building your confidence back.

[Catrin]

It was, because it was the one situation I've been scared would happen since I started riding in traffic - but ME as the cyclist, not as the driver. Yeah, some of those images are still there.... PM coming Crankin. I just wasn't capable of talking about it here at the time, though I did talk to someone about it.

[Wahine]

((((Catrin)))). I have no advice, accept to look into dealing with the traumatic memories as Crankin suggested.

[salsabike]

Catrin, I totally feel for you and I think this could happen to any of us. Crankin, if there are any tips you can share here as well, we'd appreciate it--thanks.

[Becky]

Crankin, would you be willing to send me those suggestions as well, or post them publicly? My head still isn't in the right place after my mountain bike crash last fall. Thanks!

[Crankin]

I will need some time to do this in a general way. Let me take care of Catrin first, and then I will post something, later in the week.

[TigerMom]

That is really scary!

How about doing some mild mountain biking on fire roads/trails?

[salsabike]

Catrin, I would also like to say that it took HUGE guts for you to say that. Kudos to you for having that much courage. Honest.

[Catrin]

That is really scary!

How about doing some mild mountain biking on fire roads/trails?

I wish I could, but a mtn bike crash took me off the trails permanently with a neck injury that keeps on giving. I was hardly able to ride last year as it was.


Catrin, I would also like to say that it took HUGE guts for you to say that. Kudos to you for having that much courage. Honest.

Thanks Salsabike, I've been wanting to say something about it but it took me 5 months. I am so thankful she wasn't hurt worse than she was, and all her bike needed was another wheel. I am troubled to see the intersection of that street and trail hasn't been fixed, though short of a major reconstruction I don't see how it can be :( I've driven on that street a couple of times since then, but I avoid it when possible.

[Owlie]

What Salsa said. ((Hugs))

[zoom-zoom]

I will need some time to do this in a general way. Let me take care of Catrin first, and then I will post something, later in the week.

I would really appreciate this, too, when you have time. I *want* to get back on my mtn. bike. It's been nearly 16 months since I busted my right wrist, so that's essentially about as healed as it's going to get, but my head is still WAY out of that game.

Catrin, I am so sorry that you've been carrying this for so long. I think you've suffered just as much mental trauma as the cyclist -- especially since you are also a cyclist. You have a vantage point that the averaged motorist lacks. I hope time will heal your head and heart after this terrifying situation. And I hope your community can find away to improve visibility in this spot so that no one else has to go through this pain.

[Helene2013]

Wow. What a story. That is my worst nightmare driving and hitting someone. We've hit small animals (and birds) and I couldn't sleep for nights, re-living the images. I cannot imagine what you went (are) going through.

Even cycling I have a hard time on "normal" road. Always looking at everything not to hit a pothole, be too near the gravel side of road when a car drives by. I feel more secure on bike paths. But it is not the real place to enjoy a "freer" ride.

But your story will make me even more aware of my surroundings, in car or on bike. It happens so quickly and people tend to blame quickly the driver...but it is not always the case. Some are nuts, true. But not all of them and we should never judge before (and even then) having the whole picture.

[Catrin]

I really appreciate all of the supportive comments and appreciate this forum and the environment it gives to all of us. Regarding the intersection, I am going to see who I need to speak with about doing something more for this very bad intersection - like a large mirror that will help the driver know if anyone is coming from the left side. The problem is there is a raised parking lot with a retaining wall which, in effect, lowers the trail from that direction. The lowered trail plus retaining wall blocks the view enough, but then toss in parked cars and street lights... I don't know how successful I will be, but it would be very good to help reduce the odds of something like this happening again.

[Helene2013]

What if they had huge panel before that road to tell cyclists to be aware of danger of cars driving by...and same on vehicules side? Having large panels or even a red flasher or strobe light would alert everyone to be careful. Who can miss a strobe light

[Catrin]

What if they had huge panel before that road to tell cyclists to be aware of danger of cars driving by...and same on vehicles side? Having large panels or even a red flasher or strobe light would alert everyone to be careful. Who can miss a strobe light

The problem is you still have to actually block the intersection before you can see IF anyone is coming. Certainly signs and lights help people to be aware there is a crossing - but you STILL have to enter the intersection without knowing if it is clear or not :(

[Helene2013]

You'll have to take a pic for us. :)

[emily_in_nc]

Aw, Catrin, so sorry that happened. I had wondered what had happened when you'd posted that you couldn't ride for an undisclosed (but obviously traumatic) reason. I know that is a huge fear of mine too -- hitting a cyclist would almost feel worse than being hit myself. But the intersection is clearly NOT an appropriate one for a bike path to cross. Seems like the best solution would be a very costly one -- a ped/bike under- or overpass.

Hope time (and maybe some suggestions from crankin) will help you move past this and get back out there. The mind can really do a number on us. I know I was scared to ride for a long time after my dad died in a car accident...I was afraid the same would happen to me (even though he was in a car and I was on a bike). And I was scared for my DH to ride too. Still worry about him out there more than I worry about myself.

Best wishes to you -- and a big hug!

[OakLeaf]

Those big convex mirrors are pretty common at parking garage entrances, alleyways, etc. I would think whoever is responsible for the trail would be open to installing one, so long as they could get the appropriate easement if it wouldn't be on the trail's own property. It could be on a post together with a caution bike crossing sign.

[emily_in_nc]

Those big convex mirrors are pretty common at parking garage entrances, alleyways, etc. I would think whoever is responsible for the trail would be open to installing one, so long as they could get the appropriate easement if it wouldn't be on the trail's own property. It could be on a post together with a caution bike crossing sign.

Yes, that's a great idea, and a lot cheaper than a bridge! We own a small piece of property down a rural mountain road in NC, and they have that kind of mirror around a couple of the curves; otherwise, just driving in a car around a blind curve on a narrow road way up high would be very risky.

[Catrin]

I know who to contact about this, and he is notoriously difficult to reach. I will, however, persevere. It is the easiest solution and even if my efforts fail, I will have tried. Thankfully that particular part of the intersection isn't on my usual route to the gym - unless I am coming from work rather than home. Which is happening more frequently...so the cars behind me are just going to have to be patient!

[Melalvai]

It's painful. There's no way around that. Coping strategies help keep you from going crazy while you're getting through the pain. They don't take the pain away.

After my daughter's wreck I went out of my way to avoid that road-- well, after we had moved to a different house. Since it happened in front of our driveway there was no way around the scene until we moved. I don't know if you can go out of your way to avoid the intersection. I know that avoiding it isn't exactly working through it and getting over it, but frankly I don't think it's a bad idea if it's not a huge inconvenience.

I hope your brave moment of sharing it on here has helped. It does take time. Did Crankin suggest reciting a mantra when you 'see' the image? The hard part was noticing I was having a flashback. Once I noticed then I could do the mantra, "I am safe. I am loved." And that would get me out of it. But sometimes I just didn't notice for several minutes, I was so deep into it. Even 3.5 years later, once in a while something will trigger it. And it happens so rarely that I don't remember how to notice or what to do. But it happens very rarely.

The drive to get that intersection fixed is strong right now and any obstacle or failure HURTS. It will get fixed. It might not be in the timeline you hope for. It might be 5 years. There might be another wreck before it is fixed. It's ok to keep at it. It's ok to stop pushing for it. It will get fixed even if you can't be the one to push for it. There may be other causes you could take up that are less personal, to bleed off that advocacy-energy that is so strong in you right now.

(((hug)))

[Catrin]

It isn't an intersection I would ever ride to/through, but I do drive through it every time I go to my gym, though usually not the part of it that is so problematical.

They have already done something to attempt the fix that intersection, which is good, but it doesn't address the underlying problem. I've already contacted those I need to and made my suggestions. If it works, that would be great, but if not then that is the way of things. It is difficult to let it go, but I must be able to do that.

Thanks Melalvai!

[Penny4]

I'm having a hard time picturing the intersection, but is it possible to put a stop sign on the trail portion for the bikers? Or some kind of gate that slows them down to force them to check traffic? We have some trails around here that cross roads and they have stop signs and sometimes the gates (really meant to prevent cars from driving down the path) that slow riders down. i may not be understanding the scenario correctly though.

i am very sorry to hear about your experience, i can only imagine how difficult it has been for you. I hope you are able to get back on your bike soon.