Doing the right thing

[Irulan]

We've been interviewing contractors for another large home project.
With the last guy, who comes highly recommended by a friend, he brought his new partner.
During the interview, I commented that we had also talked to a design/build firm that had a kitchen designer. The partner put up a limp wrist, and said with a lisp, "well we know what they are like". :eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek:

Me - figurative jaw dropping to the floor. Immediately I said, "That is really offensive".
On the way out, he apologized, but after losing sleep for three nights, I told DH that we were not going to hire these guys, period. There were a few other factors that added up anyway. He was on the same page as me.

I called the main guy today and told him we were not going to hire them, so please don't make a bid, and this is why: that comment was offensive, inappropriate, and unprofessional and I just can't have that in my house.

Whew. I am glad I said it. It was the right thing but still feels kind of crappy to have to make that call. I mean, really?
People don't have to have the same value system as me, but they sure don't have to say stupid bigoted things in a job interview either.

<big sigh>

[ny biker]

You definitely did the right thing.

Good luck with the project.

[goldfinch]

Thank you. This is how the world changes.

[lph]

What boggles me about this, more than this guy holding the views he holds, is that he must just have assumed you all agreed wholeheartedly with him, to the point where he was willing to risk losing the contract just for an off-hand comment that was pointless and unnecessary. So not only is he bigoted, but also massively dumb.

Well done, Irulan.

[shootingstar]

You did the right thing.

Good luck on just getting a contractor to finish on time, budget and at the quality you want.

[rebeccaC]

Hopefully you made the person think a little deeper about the comment. I usually walk away immediately saying I don't want to give that kind of comment an audience. If I have a private moment with the person soon after I’d also say that’s the kind of stereotyping that gives license to ignorant bullies.

I agree with Goldfinch....there are moments in our interactions when we should be the change we wish to see in the world.

Hoping the remodeling goes well, fast and exceeds your expectations!!!!

[Irulan]

I didn't talk to the guy who actually said it. I talked to the lead contractor of the team. Who, by all accounts is awesome but if his partner is an idiot....There were some other issues to as to why we will not hire them. It was a very difficult phone call to make, and I could barely get that one thing out. Never mind the tile work and the sense that we didn't know who was in charge.

[thekarens]

That's not an easy thing to do. I'm an "avoider" and hate confrontations regardless of the situation, so I know how difficult those conversations can be. Thank you for making the effort and telling them. You could have very easily just told them no without giving a reason.

[OakLeaf]

Well done, Irulan. I'm kind of like thekarens, it's really hard for me to speak up in that kind of situation, so I admire anyone who does.

[Crankin]

I would have done the same thing. Every time I hear someone say something like this to me, about some perceived group of people, my is thinking that they probably are saying the same thing about Jews.
This is why I speak up.

[Irulan]

Or Asians. Or Latinos. Or African Americans. Or Muslims. Or( anyone that is not like them.)

[PamNY]

Good for you. Definitely the right thing to do -- but it's not easy sometimes.

[Crankin]

Yes, any group. But, it feels personal to me, so that's how I get myself to say something.

[Pax]

Thank you, Irulan.

[roo4]

OK, so I admit that I skimmed your post the first time, but my original impression when you mentioned that the guy brought his partner was that he was a life partner, not a business partner. Which makes the true meaning of your story kinda funny.

Good for you. And I'll try reading more slowly next time.

[marni]

my favorite reaction to remarks that offend me is to look the person up and down and say quite sweetly, "why in the world would you say (ask) that.?" and walk away. I then deal with it much like you by refusing said person any more of my time, energy, money or attention.

[Trek420]

Thank you. This is how the world changes.

What she said.

[Irulan]

my favorite reaction to remarks that offend me is to look the person up and down and say quite sweetly, "why in the world would you say (ask) that.?" and walk away. I then deal with it much like you by refusing said person any more of my time, energy, money or attention.

Well sure, if you are in a walk away situation. Easily done at a party or a function. I'll be damed if someone sitting at MY kitchen table saying offensive things in MY HOUSE, being interviewed to take MY money will cause me to walk away from MY territory. No way.

[smilingcat]

saying no is hard at times but its something we have to do. And thank you for standing up to such stupid comment. Maybe the partnership will break and the contractor you talked to will find himself a professional builder who is enlightened.

Thank you,