My mom...sad news

[Catrin]

My mom...has cancer for the 4th time and there is nothing more that can be done. Right now it is small, it is in the rib and her spine closest to where she had the two lung cancers. While she has been in pain for several months now, it appears to be small and they have no estimates about how quickly it might spread nor how long she has. I am holding off until after I move at the end of September to drive down there (finances), but if her condition changes I will go anyway and figure it out when I return. I've really no other words right now, but I am sure she would appreciate any warm thoughts or prayers you could send her way. We have never had a normal mother/daughter relationship, but in the end that doesn't matter.

[SheFly]

Hugs to you both, Catrin.

SheFly

[indysteel]

I'm so very sorry, Catrin. I'll keep you and your mom in my thoughts and prayers.

[OakLeaf]

Oh Catrin, I'm so sorry. I was a little afraid to ask the other day. Hugs to both of you.

[Melalvai]

I'm sorry to hear that. Thinking about you.

[Wahine]

((((Catrin)))). I've been there. Sending warm thoughts.

[zoom-zoom]

I'm so sorry, Catrin...it's hard no matter your relationship. I'm already dreading being where you are now. :( (((hugs)))

[Catrin]

Thanks everyone, I left work an hour early because I wasn't able to concentrate...though what on earth good I thought that would do is beyond me.

Oakleaf - this wasn't unexpected, but I didn't want to bring a down note to such a nice dinner and company the other night. I was still being optimistic that she would get good news for a change!

[redrhodie]

Oh, I'm so sorry Catrin. Please take care of yourself. Hugs to you and your mom.

[thekarens]

Well hell, I'm so sorry :(

[PamNY]

Catrin, I'm so sorry.

[kajero]

Catrin, My prayers and thoughts are with you as you go through such a difficult time. I have been there and know how hard it is. Take care of yourself and know that we are keeping you in our thought and prayers.

[Crankin]

You are in my thoughts.
Kajero's advice about taking care of yourself is the best advice I can give.

[ridebikeme]

My thoughts and prayers are with you Catrin! Take care of yourself:)

[hid558]

So sorry, in the end they are always familyt. Take care, my prayers are with you.

[Catrin]

So sorry, in the end they are always family...

Yes, this! It doesn't matter what happened 40 and 50 years ago between us. Mom did the best she could with what she had to work with and the fact of the matter was...she had a mental/emotional illness. She wasn't entirely responsible for the things that happened, and she did bring me into this world. Hopefully they can keep her comfortable during this time, I understand that bone cancer is very painful. I greatly appreciate the kind words from everyone here, far more than you can know.

[Crankin]

Catrin, perhaps this is too specific, but my DIL's dad just passed away from the same scenario. They did an excellent job of pain management. He was in palliative care and I believe was treated very respectfully right through the whole thing.

[Catrin]

Crankin, sorry to hear of your loss, but it does help to hear this. I wish I were closer to home so I could help my sister, or that I could afford to make the 8ish hour drive more often, but it is what it is.

It might seem odd, but it is easier for me to talk about this here than to those around me here.

[snapdragen]

I'm very sorry Catrin.

[solobiker]

Catrin, I am soooo sorry to hear about this. I work in healthcare and have had several patients with a similar situation. My thoughts are with you both.

[roo4]

Thinking of you.

[Owlie]

Hugs, Catrin. And to your mom too.

[shootingstar]

I'm sorry to hear for your mom and for your family, Catrin.

I just heard last night that my father's cancer is accelerating. (Am wondering if/when I will change my plane ticket from this Nov. to sooner....)

[Sky King]

Catrin, Sure feel for you. Been there. Looking back I wish I had been more involved in helping my Mom make treatment decisions although the final outcome would have been the same. I hope she has an advocate that can attend appointments and treatments with her. It was during my Mom's last year that we realized my Dad had dementia so I jumped in but realize now I should have jumped in way before I did. Hope someone is on top of managing her pain. My thoughts out to the both of you!

[spokewench]

So sorry Catrin. It is very hard no matter what the relationship has been. You take care

[Artista]

Catrin, I'm so sorry. I'll be thinking of all of you.

[TrekDianna]

Hugs, Catrin

[emily_in_nc]

So sorry, Catrin. I missed this thread completely while we were traveling. My mother went through this with my grandmother and I pray I never have to face it myself. Stay strong.

[hebe]

I'm so sorry, Catrin. Thinking of you and your family x

[Catrin]

Thank you, she is not having an...easy time. She is in the hospital right now undergoing palliative radiation treatments and they are trying to get her pain under control.

[indysteel]

I'm sorry, Catrin. I hope they can make her more comfortable.

[Catrin]

I'm sorry, Catrin. I hope they can make her more comfortable.

She has been there for 4 days now as they try to get it under control :( I DO think she sounds much better today than yesterday though, more like herself.

[OakLeaf]

Thinking of you both. Hope the treatments ease her pain.

[Pax]

Catrin, I haven't been around so I missed this, I'm so sorry to hear of your moms struggles. Warm peaceful thoughts headed her way.

[Catrin]

Thanks Pax! She MIGHT get to go home tomorrow if things continue as they are, they seem to have finally found the right mixture to get her pain under control.

[Pax]

That's great news! Hoping for the best, for you both.

[Catrin]

They keep trying to release her, and then other things happen. So she is still in the hospital after 2 weeks, and I am headed home to see her tomorrow.

Today, instead of trail running or riding I am in the office furiously trying to get a current project to a level where my supervisor can take over for me Monday. He doesn't know how to do what I do for the most part...but he is learning :) His responsibilities are very different from mine - as I am sure is normally the case. I AM going to my usual Sunday Funday workout before leaving tomorrow though, more for stress relief than anything - and I doubt I will have a chance to workout while I am gone outside of some quick and dirty bodyweight work in the morning - AND my squat challenge. I MIGHT go for a light trail run this evening, but we will see. I only slept 4 hours last night so my body might not appreciate that.

[Catrin]

She went home Monday while I was there. I left yesterday (Wed) to come home and she was fine. Halfway through my 7 hour drive she was back in the ER with what turned out to be pneumonia. She passed at 6:30 this morning, and I return home tomorrow :(

[Helene2013]

My deepest sympathies to you and your family. :(

[indysteel]

Oh, Catrin. I'm so sorry. My heart goes out to you. I know the relationship wasn't an easy one at times, but it sounds like you reached a certain peace with her within the last few years. I hope that gives you some comfort. I'll keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers. Hugs to you.

[thekarens]

I'm so sorry :(

[Pax]

Catrin, I am so very sorry for your loss.

[roo4]

Catrin, I'm sorry.

[Crankin]

I am so sorry, Catrin. You know you can count on your TE family for support.

[OakLeaf]

Oh Catrin, I'm so very sorry.

[Catrin]

The kind thoughts and words are very much appreciated. I feel numb right now, probably shock. I am driving back home tomorrow morning after I get a good workout in, I think the exercise will help.

[Megustalaplaya]

So sorry Catrin. Take care of yourself. (((hugs)))

[PamNY]

Catrin, I am so sorry. Losing a parent is really hard. Be gentle with yourself, and take good care.

[Bike Writer]

Catrin, condolences to you and the rest of your family. It's so hard to lose your mom, I have too. I haven't been on the forums in a couple of months and just stopped in and followed this thread, at some point in the future you will probably take comfort that you were able to spend some time with her at the end. So sad. Take care of yourself.

[Owlie]

Oh, Catrin. (((Hugs)))

My condolences. Be gentle with yourself. We're always here.

[crazycanuckoz]

Catrin, i'm sorry to hear about your mom :(

Take care & remember you're a good woman :)

[Sky King]

Catrin, Hang in there. We are all thinking of you and sending love and good thoughts out into the universe for you and your family.

[lph]

I am so sorry, Catrin. Many hugs and good thoughts your way.

[IBrakeforPastry]

My deepest sympathies. Others have offered good, and well-expressed advice. I'll just nod along in agreement. Take care.

[Wahine]

((((Catrin))))

[brigada]

Catrin, I am really sorry to hear about your mum :(

[malkin]

I'm very sorry about your mom. Go carefully.

[redrhodie]

Oh, I'm so sorry Catrin. I remember that numb feeling after losing my mom. Have a safe drive back, and know that we're all thinking about you.

[emily_in_nc]

Oh, I'm so sorry, Catrin. I know you didn't expect this to happen so soon or you would not have left. Please take care of yourself.

Warm thoughts and hugs...it's difficult to lose a parent. :(

Emily

[AppleTree]

She went home Monday while I was there. I left yesterday (Wed) to come home and she was fine. Halfway through my 7 hour drive she was back in the ER with what turned out to be pneumonia. She passed at 6:30 this morning, and I return home tomorrow :(

Healing thoughts and prayers your way Catrin.

[shootingstar]

I'm sorry for the loss of your mother, Catrin.

[snapdragen]

I'm very sorry Catrin, you have my condolences.

[WindingRoad]

I am so sad to hear this Catrin :-( I cannot imagine how you are feeling right now. If there is anything I can do let me know. I will be praying for you and your family.

[Catrin]

We had the memorial service last night and the internment tomorrow morning. I think I've managed to reach some kind of peace with her over these past few years as I had 2 hours of many people telling me that I am the spitting image of her long ago.

At one time that would have been offensive but no longer. She was a beautiful woman who was deeply broken as a small child. Well, she has left all of that behind now, along with the horrible cancer pain, and her final 2 days were very peaceful.

Thank you for the kind words, thoughts and prayers.

[OakLeaf]

Hugs to you, Catrin.

[ridebikeme]

CAtrin, I'm so sorry for your loss.. I'll say some extra prayers today for your and your family.

[SheFly]

Catrin - so sorry to read of your mom's passing. Take care of yourself as you move through the grieving process. Sending hugs.

SheFly

[spokewench]

Catrin: so sorry for your loss. It is very had to lose a parent and to cancer it is even harder - take good care of yourself. you will be in my thoughts.

[Crankin]

What you said about your mom will make my difficult work a little bit easier today. It really resonated with me.
I wish we knew what we know now, back when some of us here were kids.

[Catrin]

I am home, and still in some shock over the events of last week and also some things I learned about her. Just a lot of sad stuff that showed how broken she was. I am considering some professional help in processing all of this, at least for a brief time. I don't want to be blindsided by the past as the grief process settles in. While it helps to know she wasn't well, that doesn't mean it won't come up for me.

[indysteel]

I am home, and still in some shock over the events of last week and also some things I learned about her. Just a lot of sad stuff that showed how broken she was. I am considering some professional help in processing all of this, at least for a brief time. I don't want to be blindsided by the past as the grief process settles in. While it helps to know she wasn't well, that doesn't mean it won't come up for me.

That's tough stuff, Catrin--and territory I'm all too familiar with given my mother's own difficult childhood and life. I have the name of a good professional if you decide to go that route.

[GLC1968]

Catrin - I don't know how I missed all this but I'm so sorry for your loss. I think your idea of seeking professional help to work through what you've learned is wise. My thoughts are with you as you mourn and heal.

[goldfinch]

Catrin, condolences to you and the rest of your family. It's so hard to lose your mom, I have too. I haven't been on the forums in a couple of months and just stopped in and followed this thread, at some point in the future you will probably take comfort that you were able to spend some time with her at the end. So sad. Take care of yourself.

Me too.

Take care Catrin. Though it may seem odd, pneumonia at the end of life can be a welcome way out of suffering.

[salsabike]

Catrin, I would like to add my heartfelt sympathies for the loss of your mother. There's no easy way, I think. But I will say that when I lost my mom in 2007, the sympathies and good wishes of fellow TEers were big comforts for me. I wish you peace of mind and love and support from your good friends and family as you go forward.

[sookiesue]

So sorry for your loss, Catrin. Take good care of yourself and let others take care of you for a while if you can.

[Catrin]

I've not yet decided if it is a good thing that I live along and have this move to blast through or not...but it is what it is. I greatly appreciate all of the kind thoughts and good advice. IF I can sleep tonight I intend on going to a 6am spinning class before heading back to the office. Getting some of those feel-good brain chemicals can only help on my first day back at work. Right now the problem is getting to sleep rather than staying asleep. I am still waking, but not nearly as often as in the last couple of months.

Right now I seem to be watching a Poirot marathon (with David Suchet), my mom really enjoyed watching them and so do I. Things I've seen before will pottering around my apartment doing a mixture of packing and resting for tomorrow.

[redrhodie]

(((Catrin))) I moved 2 weeks after my mother died, so I have been there. I was really numb through the whole thing. I think I just went on autopilot.

I hope you love your new place and the move goes smoothly.

[Catrin]

What is a "Master" level counselor? My employer makes has a program for all employees who need counseling of any kind and when I signed up I was told they are all "Master" level. I assume this means that they all have post-graduate degrees and is a good thing, just curious if it might mean anything else.

[indysteel]

What is a "Master" level counselor? My employer makes has a program for all employees who need counseling of any kind and when I signed up I was told they are all "Master" level. I assume this means that they all have post-graduate degrees and is a good thing, just curious if it might mean anything else.

I'm hoping Crankin can definitively answer your question, but like you, I would assume it connotes that they have a master's degree. Now, there are several degrees that qualify you to be a therapist, e.g., master in Social Work; master in Psychology. Beyond just accreditation, I'd be interested (if you have a choice among therapists) in what type of therapies they offer, what type of issues they "specialize" in and how those things align with what you most want to accomplish in therapy.

[Pax]

I'm hoping Crankin can definitively answer your question, but like you, I would assume it connotes that they have a master's degree. Now, there are several degrees that qualify you to be a therapist, e.g., master in Social Work; master in Psychology. Beyond just accreditation, I'd be interested (if you have a choice among therapists) in what type of therapies they offer, what type of issues they "specialize" in and how those things align with what you most want to accomplish in therapy.

You are correct.

Catrin - starting out with your work EAP is a good place to begin. Like you, I imagine I'll be availing myself of their services when my mom is gone; complicated relationships take some time to process.

[OakLeaf]

Also, if you have someone local in the health care field who knows you well, ask them for names of therapists they think would be a good fit for you. Much of a good therapeutic relationship is personality-dependent, IME.

[Crankin]

Master's level therapists are either like me, a professional counselor (called different things in different states), or a licensed social worker. You are not allowed to practice as a Master's level psychologist... used to be, but not since the 80s. They only get the master's on the way to a PhD or PsyD.
I also started with a therapist from DH's EAP program a few years ago. After a few sessions (5) she referred me to a woman in my area. I actually liked her better than the one I went to for two years!
Recommendations are good, but I think a good match is very dependent on the 2 personalities involved, so who is good for one person may not be a good match for his/her friend.

[Catrin]

Thanks for the tips, I see her Monday.

I went to a visitation at a funeral home tonight (someone from church), a co-worker passed last night, another co-worker had a death in his family today...ready for this week to be over :eek:

[OakLeaf]

Recommendations are good, but I think a good match is very dependent on the 2 personalities involved, so who is good for one person may not be a good match for his/her friend.

That's what I meant, and why I specified someone in the health care field who would have dealt with many therapists in the area. When I was getting ready to start back into therapy I asked my long-time psychiatrist for a couple of names. I went to one she recommended, and I clicked with her right away, better than any therapist I'd ever found my way to on my own.

[malkin]

+1 on finding a therapist who is a good match.
Don't hesitate to stop seeing someone you don't connect with. What would be the point?!

[Crankin]

I wrote my response before I saw your comment, Oak! That should teach me to read.
Not good for a former Language Arts teacher.

[Giulianna23]

Long time since I logged in to this site. I'm so sorry for the loss of your mother (((Catrin))).

[Catrin]

Thanks Giulianna23!