Valentine musings

[SadieKate]

This time of year I am always struck by the multitude of advertisements about what he can give her for Valentine's Day. I never see any ads for what she can give him or better yet what each can do for the other.

I know, capitalism reins supreme but I think it is sad that we haven't advanced enough to at least get ads about women giving something to their male partner. I dislike the stereotyping of women's expectations.

The very first year Bubba and I were dating he went on a cruise with his mother over Valentine's. His father had died unexpectedly the summer before and his mother already had tickets for the cruise. So, he stepped in as her escort. Made my heart go pitter-pat that he would do such a thing. The cruise was all retiree-age so it wasn't like he was getting other fun and games.

Can you tell I'm gagging over the volume of diamond commercials? I'd barely recovered from the ones at Christmas.

[Pedal Wench]

Wow! That just brought tears to my eyes! You've got a winner with that Bubba of yours!

[yellow]

We're not "holiday" people, so we don't "celebrate" this one. We also don't buy each other "gifts" for Christmas. We do buy each other gifts, just not on a holiday schedule!

I've had two Valentine's Day encounters over the last week. The first one was on the bus, going skiing. People I see pretty much every time I ride that one. A couple of young guys were musing about "what to do for their girlfriends for Valentines Day" and I popped off, mostly to myself, with "Every day should be Valentine's Day". They just looked at me like I was from another planet. I'm sure they were thinking "But I can't afford to buy a diamond necklace every day." I refrained from explaining what I meant. I think they think I'm just a crackpot old lady anyhow.

And yesterday we had some guys here at the house doing electrical work. One of them says to the other,"So what are you going to do for your wife for Valentine's Day?" with a sigh that told me he thought of it as a chore. I too dislike the sterotypes and really feel for guys like this. So much pressure to spend money and be extra sensitive on one day of the year. Am I just weird or do most women really expect a big to-do on Valentines Day?

Oh, and when you don't have a TV and you had to turn the radio off because of the Utah legislature coverage (la-la-la-I'm not listening) you don't have to listen to the Tom Shane commercials. :p

[Trekhawk]

Am I just weird or do most women really expect a big to-do on Valentines Day?


If you are weird then so am I. You dont want to get me started on about Valentines day. The kids have a party at school for it. Please tell me what Valentines day has to do with primary age children????:confused:

My husband and I refuse to buy into this whole thing. I do prefer unprompted displays of affection.

[Nanci]

I think (most) men think of any gift-giving occasion as a chore- birthday, Christmas, Valentine's Day, anniversary.

I, OTOH, _love_ giving gifts, shopping, figuring out really cool stuff- so I love all the gift-giving days.

And I _do_ like the traditional VD trappings- flowers, dinner, (maybe cooked at home, maybe by me) and Godiva truffles!

I have a funny story, but actually have to do some work, will post it later...

Nanci

[Veronica]

No party in my class. If the students bring Valentines they can hand them out, but that's it. And they have to give to everyone an dno playing favorites.

We don't celebrate it at home either. I figure Thom gave me a Valentine when he didn't gripe about me eating all the Klondike bars this week.

V.

[SadieKate]

Isn't ice cream high on the glycemic index? Therefore, you need it as training/recovery food and the calories don't count. :D

Good for you on the V-Day activities in the classroom. A romantic holiday and children? I'm with you and Trek.

[Trekhawk]

We don't celebrate it at home either. I figure Thom gave me a Valentine when he didn't gripe about me eating all the Klondike bars this week.
V.

LOL - what a great guy.:) I would probably gripe. Mmm Klondike feeling very hungry now.

[SadieKate]

Long but interesting article. Just what we need, school children participating in fertility rites.

http://www.historychannel.com/exhibits/valentine/?page=history

If you aren't doing nice things for each other every day, giving diamonds 1 day a year isn't going to help.

[bikerchick68]

Oh man... this is a sore subject for me too... I just recently realized that I AM A GUY! LOL... my friend mentioned this holiday and my first thought was how to get out of it... :confused: :D

the man I'm dating already said he wants to get me something :eek: crud... I don't wanna do gifts... and I don't want him to either... I told him so, but he's determined he wants to get something... he's not a cyclist so it makes it hard... ;) Maybe tickets to the Michael Buble concert... I think I can handle sitting thru that... not really my thing, but he likes him...

I said, can't we just go have dinner and skip the rest??? Sigh... he asked my clothing size... should I mention that I could use more cycling shorts and give him the SKU number???

just dinner... please... :o

[Nanci]

Ask for a red/pink cycling jersey!!

If you're a guy, my BF is a girl. I had to put on his new license plate this week because he couldn't get the screws out...

Nanci

[Nanci]

My French ex-BF of lots of years ago went with his friend in Miami to shop for an engagement ring for the friend's GF. Ex-BF mentioned that he had got me something expensive and shiny, too! You can guess what I thought. Imagine my disappointment when I opened my present to find a gold manicure set in a pretty woven leather case! Hehehe, I still really like it, though.

Nanci

[slinkedog]

I guess I'm the only one who loves Valentine's Day! Mainly because it's an excuse to make fudge and cook a nice dinner. We have a special meal as a family, and Blaine gets stuff for the girls and I get stuff for the boys. We usually do balloons and candy. It's just fun and the kids love it.

[SadieKate]

But see, slinke, you are doing for each other. You're putting in time together. It's not just Blaine buying you diamonds.

It's the stupid diamond commercials that really drive me nuts. Like the only way a man can really show a woman he loves her is to buy her diamonds and he's a loser if he doesn't. Grrrrr.

[bcipam]

I'm of the inclination that one keeps holidays in their heart year around and don't need a specific holiday such as Valentines to let someone know I care. I also don't do the presents at Christmas thing because it takes away from the spiritual aspect of Christmas (at least for me) but do give presents to my family and friends whenever I can and more than that, try to say or do a kind thing for people near and dear to let them know how much I appreciate and love them.

Nove if someone wants to give me a box of See's candy for Valentines, I wouldn't complain!:)

[Melody]

... and I popped off, mostly to myself, with "Every day should be Valentine's Day".

yellow, this is how my husband and I feel. We don't need a special day just to tell the other that we love them. Instead we say it everyday. :) Or who knows, maybe it's because we've only been married for a year, but we have been together for 6 or so and in all that time this hasn't changed. :D

I personally generally am not a Valentine's day person probably because I have not so fond memories of it from growing up. Being the unpopular overweight and (dare I say it) ugly person in class I didn't exactly get any. My parents, unfortunately, weren't the type to tell us that they loved us or was proud of us. Instead we'd get the negatives when we screwed up and not the praise. Bundle the two and you get someone who was pretty screwed up emotionally. I'm just glad I'm over most of it.

I'm also not much of a birthday person either, at least not my birthday. I always look for what will go wrong and just ruin the day. :(

Mel

PS: I'm just a little down at the moment. I had a friend die a few days ago and found out on a day where I was already having a bad day.

[yellow]

Now if someone wants to give me a box of See's candy for Valentines, I wouldn't complain!:)
Nuts? Soft centers? Milk or dark? :p

Ah, but we deserve See's candy EVERY DAY!

[yellow]

Or who knows, maybe it's because we've only been married for a year, but we have been together for 6 or so and in all that time this hasn't changed. :D

PS: I'm just a little down at the moment. I had a friend die a few days ago and found out on a day where I was already having a bad day.
You're destined for a long life together if you've already figured this out! Lesee...together for 18 yrs, married for 13.5 and I love my DH more every day. I feel very lucky.

Sorry about your friend. Really makes you think about your own mortality, life, and how it all falls out. Any day could be our last...another reason that every day should be Valentines Day (in spirit, at least).

[bcipam]

Nuts? Soft centers? Milk or dark? :p

Ah, but we deserve See's candy EVERY DAY!


Dark Chocolate Bordeaux.......mmmmmmmmmmmmm :p

[bcipam]

Melody... so sorry about your friend. My prayers are with you and your friends family.

I was musing the other day about something that happened on my birthday. I turned 55 and it hit me hard. A friend of mine replied, "yes it was an amusing story. My sister died last Friday due to stroke. She was 41. She would have loved to reach 55..."

That shut me up. Makes me realize how fortunate I am and how important it is to let those I love know I love them. I don't need Valentine's Day to do that!

[bikerchick68]

PS: I'm just a little down at the moment. I had a friend die a few days ago and found out on a day where I was already having a bad day.

Melody... sorry to hear you lost a friend... life can be so danged unfair huh? here is a site you may find helpful to work thru your grieving process... it is an online memorial site, with message boards etc... has been OK'd for our use by the Police Dept, so I know it's legit and safe to use... hugs...

www.groww.org

[massbikebabe]

Valentines Day hhhmmmmm,

Don't think we have ever celebrated VDay in the 21 years we have been married. This year is not going to be any different. My Valentine helps me get up every morning, puts my braces on, sets up my toothbrush, blow dries my hair, helps me dress, feeds me and the kids, takes the kids to school, and then comes home to help me stretch stroked out muscles...don't think there is any diamond, gold, or other face out there that can do better than this Valentine...he is tops:D

I do however buy gifts for the children. Molly is getting the MassArt sweatshirt and Conor is getting a Bianchi multi-tool, and new celeste tape for his bars. I also make them choc. lollipops:p I'm just a weenie when it comes to my kids:D


karen
getting ready to play in the da^n snow again

[Lise]

It is fun to get each other gifts when you just love an excuse to spoil each other.

It is gawdawful when you feel you "should" and he/she "should" and... yuch. I was remembering last year...when I was dating someone I should've already broken up with...and looking for a VD card that DIDN'T say "I love you"! Seriously. That should have been a clue! I ended up making a card. Because I was too much of a weenie to say, "Um, I don't like you all that much." :o Blech.

Today I saw a Circuit City billboard that just said, "HE WANTS ELECTRONICS". There's your answer to the diamond ads! :rolleyes:

My online dating saga has been mostly annoying, not even great stories to tell. I did reject one guy who's a cyclist...he started out lunch by telling me stories about 3 women who "done him wrong". You'd better believe I don't plan to be the 4th! He's also a successful, well-dressed lawyer who works in a nice building in downtown Chicago...and wears two "Live Strong" rubber bracelets with his suit. I don't wish to set off a firestorm of protest here on the TE board, just my opinion...but...rubber bracelets with a really nice suit make you look like an escapee from a mental institution! Argh! Running and hiding! Don't throw stuff! :p

Sooooo....no worries about what card to get this year! Whoo-hoo! :D L.

[SadieKate]

Today I saw a Circuit City billboard that just said, "HE WANTS ELECTRONICS". There's your answer to the diamond ads! :rolleyes: Great, so long as there is equal opportunity greediness.:p

[Trekhawk]

Valentines Day hhhmmmmm,

Don't think we have ever celebrated VDay in the 21 years we have been married. This year is not going to be any different. My Valentine helps me get up every morning, puts my braces on, sets up my toothbrush, blow dries my hair, helps me dress, feeds me and the kids, takes the kids to school, and then comes home to help me stretch stroked out muscles...don't think there is any diamond, gold, or other face out there that can do better than this Valentine...he is tops:D


karen
getting ready to play in the da^n snow again

Karen just reading that makes me smile.
Anyone can buy a gift but being there for the long haul when things are tough really shows how much they love you. He sounds like a wonderful man.:):)

[Lise]

Karen just reading that makes me smile.
Anyone can buy a gift but being there for the long haul when things are tough really shows how much they love you. He sounds like a wonderful man.:):)
YES! Thank you for telling us about him. That lifted my spirits. Your loving care of each other blesses us all. L.

[carimail]

I think VD day is a great family thing. I usually make a card for DH that the kids are free to read. I like them to know how their dad and I feel about each other and how committed we are. I realize the importance of showing that on a day to day basis, but Valentines Day is kind of a symbol of "summing it all up".

I don't get too much for the kids because they're grandma beats me to it which I really resented until I remembered how grateful i should be that they actually have a grandma - so she can spoil away.

I still love Valentines Parties at school, though. The kids work so hard and it's nice for them to get a fun break from time to time. As long as my kids have been in school, everyone in the class has brought valentines for everyone else (as far as i could tell).

This year I have to write and present a love poem for my creative writing class, though - YIKES! I'm having a hard time with this one!

[Trekhawk]

I don't get too much for the kids because they're grandma beats me to it which I really resented until I remembered how grateful i should be that they actually have a grandma - so she can spoil away.

I still love Valentines Parties at school, though. The kids work so hard and it's nice for them to get a fun break from time to time. As long as my kids have been in school, everyone in the class has brought valentines for everyone else (as far as i could tell).

This year I have to write and present a love poem for my creative writing class, though - YIKES! I'm having a hard time with this one!

See maybe its because Im Australian that I just dont get Valentines day for kids its not something we really pay much attention to back home.
For all you lovers of Valentines day I hope you have a wonderful time with your special friends or family.:)

[Trek420]

I loved this from an interview with Dan Savage in the Onion:

The A.V. Club: What's your take on Valentine's Day? Corporate exercise, or meaningful reminder of romance?

DS: It is a corporate exercise; it's also a holy day of romantic obligation. It's also a day of torment. Mother's Day is a torment if your mother is dead. Valentine's Day is a torment if you don't got one. And at some point in our lives, we will be tormented by Valentine's Day even if we're relatively lucky in love. It's just like Christmas. Christmas can have a real melancholy aspect, 'cause it packages itself as this idea of perfect family cohesion and love, and you're always going to come up short when you measure your personal life against the idealized personal lives that are constantly thrust in our faces, primarily by TV commercials. I find, though, that if you avoid TV, you don't succumb to the despair. I wouldn't say that holidays are manufactured by corporations, but they're certainly exploited and mined by them. If you're not a big consumer of television, I don't think it's too much of a torment even if you don't have a love interest.

AVC: Do you and Terry celebrate Valentine's Day?

DS: No. [Laughs.] But we're not sentimental weirdoes. We barely acknowledge our anniversary. It took us 11 years to get married. Our anniversary will come and go, and we'll both realize it about a month later and say, "Oh, ****. Yeah, happy anniversary." But we're both guys, and that helps with avoiding Valentine's Day as a holy day of obligation. Valentine's Day is much more of a holy day of obligation for a guy in a relationship with a woman, because a woman has certain emotional expectations. Even if she doesn't value Valentine's Day, or views it as a corporate exercise, she still often wants her boyfriend or husband to go through the motions, just in case she values it. I get letters every year from women who think Valentine's Day is an empty exercise, but are ironically pretty exercised when their boyfriends neglect or forget it. There's this movement to form a day called Steak And A Blowjob Day, which would be the male version of Valentine's Day, where women would come through with a steak and a blowjob in return for the chocolate and flowers that guys come through with, and I support that holiday.

AVC: It would be interesting to see Hallmark try to take advantage of that.

DS: That's one of the great things about it. It's probably one of the reasons it hasn't really taken off in the few years people have been trying to promote it. How do you make a card for Steak And A Blowjob Day?

[Melody]

Thanks everyone. The only thing that sucks is since he isn't local to me I won't be able to go to his funeral. :( GP was an interesting guy and we'd go get lunch whenever I was able to get out to Phoenix visiting friends. Plus we'd sit there and gripe about a another mutual friend of ours and his ability to get into the worse relationships.

He'll really be missed.

Mel

[crazycanuck]

Hi melody,

I'm sorry to hear about your friend's passing. *Stomp* *stomp* Life is so unfair as someone has already said. I'm sure that your friendship meant alot to him & his family will understand you're absence at the memorial.


c

[Crankin]

Well, I like Valentine's Day... (sorry). Not that my husband and i need an excuse to buy stuff for each other or go out! We do that all of the time. My mom and dad always made a big deal out of it and I remember when i was little, my dad coming home with big boxes of chocolates for both of us and a piece of jewelry for my mom and some small gift for me. I still have the little handkerchief with the red hearts i got when i was 4. We usually just go out for dinner to a nice place, and since it's usually during the week, it's a nice break. I get my husband things like massages or gift certificates to bike stores. We don't always give gifts, either. This morning, I got an early present of 2 beautiful wool sweaters from Italy, where my husband just returned from a business trip.
At school, we don't do anything. i teach in a middle school and the idea of "love" makes a lot of them uncomfortable. I had my homeroom decorate my door with some hearts and stuff, and that satisfied them. Some will exchange gifts and cards with friends, but I told them to keep it outside of school, so no one feels badly.

[pkq]

I also don't like being made a fuss of; spend time with me, make me laugh, be yourself: that's what matters.

Ditto! Many people are stingy with their time these days.

[margo49]

I agree tlkiwi...
the SO was just explaining a few weeks ago to our nearly 17 yo daughter that the reason we didn't go in for what she calls romance like "everybody else" (whoever they are or their parents) was exactly that.
"We don't have to resuscitate our relationship or do something "special" to make up for some act or omission that the partner may or may not know about"


Of course all us kiwi's and ozzies know that the basis of all emotional life is mate-ship; whether the framework is legal marriage, working together,neighbours,or whatever. Whaddya reckon Roadraven? Can't wait to see your input to this thread

[SadieKate]

I love all these stories. Warm and fuzzy stories are wonderful.

No one should apologize for liking Valentine's Day. I like it myself but hate the crass commercialism of American capitalism going with it, just like all the other holidays overrunning the stores months before the event.

[ladyfish]

This has been a fun thread to read, since I'm sitting here wishing I could get out of my DH's Valentine gift. We're set to go to a formal (yes, black tie, etc) dinner and dance. He's looking forward to it because he will know a lot of the folks there (work friends). I on the other hand, will know maybe one person, someone I've met, but don't really know. I'd much rather stay home and have a bottle of wine and watch the snow fall.

Oh well. I'll go because he wants to. That's what it's all about--compromise. He does things for me that I know he'd rather not do. We'll have a good time.

As for gifts, we don't much get into that. He's the type that will go out on Valentine's day to the grocery store and buy some flowers because he thinks he should. It's a hokey day all around.

[Technotart]

I have been working non-stop for weeks on my final "thesis" type project for my masters and this morning my hubby made me heart shaped pancakes with sugar free syryp and then gave me a neck and shoulder rub with some aromatic oil while I sat in my computer chair at my desk and worked on my paper...such a sweet guy - I feel so blessed! In addition - he did all the laundry today, took the tyke to the gym to play, did the dishes AND made dinner and cleaned up after! As if cleaning and dinner weren't enough he ices the cake with the heart shaped pancakes and a shoulder massage <swoon!>

When I get this last semester over with, the poor guy is going to get some MUCH deserved attention!!!!

You know though - he does this all the time - not just for valentines day! Valentines day is just an excuse to give each other cards with nice long notes written in them that make each other cry and smile because it feels good to be acknolwedged and appreciated.

[bcipam]

Technotart: You sound very fortunate. I agree loving someone means showing it all year long, not just on the 14th!!! Make sure you give him a big hug from all of us!

[kiwi girl]

I sent my BF flowers one year when we were living in seperate cities. I sent them to his work and I think he was actually pretty chuffed about it. But now we are living together I think doing something on a particular day just because Halmark tells us to is pretty silly.

Besides, if he was buying stuff because he was sucked in by the advertising he'd get me some jewellery I'd never wear - when what I really want is this http://www.teamestrogen.com/products.asp?pID=18198:) :) ;)

[Lise]

Oh, kiwi friends, what does chuffed mean? Good or bad? :confused: Lise

[Melody]

Oh, kiwi friends, what does chuffed mean? Good or bad? :confused: Lise

Chuffed is a good thing. Kind of like excited or "feeling good" :) I've seen it in brit literature too. :)

Mel

[kiwi girl]

Yup - chuffed in this sense is all good

[tatormc]

Well I'm the one who likes to celebrate Valentines and other holidays, but hubby does not. He feels that if there is something I want I should just go buy it instead of him doing it and wrapping it up. But this morning he surprised me! Before leaving he brings me a card. On the front is a pic of a bicycle chain in the shape of a heart and the card says Unchain my heart. He then wrote the sweetest thing inside and also on the inside was a gift card to the LBS. I'm so proud of him!!

[AuntieK]

tatormc,
You are so lucky to have a guy like that! What a creative idea! I may have to go out and do something similar for my DH now! I'm glad you posted--you've inspired me! :D

[Brandi]

I only like Valentines day cause it is an excuse for my husband and i to go to our favorite sushi place! We will take any excuse for that." got another bill in the mail! Let's go have sushi"! Hey the cat cuaght another mouse, Let's have sushi!

[massbikebabe]

Well, I opened my mouth and said we have never celebrated VDay, but last night DH and kids came home with a new wheel for my steel bike!! I have been diligently rebuilding my old steel Terry Precision, (circa 1986) because I figured if I crash it will take a hit better than my carbon Trek. I have pulled off the old grouppo and put on Ultegra with 105 shift levers, (budget did not allow for Ultegra levers), and a triple crank...all that was missing was a new wheel for rear. DH has laced up the front wheel, and had LBS do the rear because he HATES doing wheel builds. In a nutshell I NOW have a second beautiful bike...they even put a Specialized computer on her...she is gorgeous! I'll post pictures soon...I can't wait to show y'all how I have modified her for a lack of left hand/leg...I may be on to something here...:eek:


karen
doing a one half body happy dance

[SadieKate]

Awwwwwww. ;) :D

[Lise]

That is so sweet. Sigh....:) L.

[RoadRaven]

I agree tlkiwi...
the SO was just explaining a few weeks ago to our nearly 17 yo daughter that the reason we didn't go in for what she calls romance like "everybody else" (whoever they are or their parents) was exactly that.
"We don't have to resuscitate our relationship or do something "special" to make up for some act or omission that the partner may or may not know about"


Of course all us kiwi's and ozzies know that the basis of all emotional life is mate-ship; whether the framework is legal marriage, working together,neighbours,or whatever. Whaddya reckon Roadraven? Can't wait to see your input to this thread

Hi there everyone... a week late for "V Day" and haven't been around much at all to post... been busy busy busy...
I have popped in and read posts occasionally but now have the mammoth task of TEN pages of "unread" posts since my last logging in!

I did read the start of this thread a couple of weeks back and have mentioned it to my work colleagues several times. Because it was refreshing to see.

I saw "Valentine" in the title and made the assumption that because this forum has a high American input, and because many of my thoughts about V Day have been influenced by US sitcoms as I grew up, that this would be a whiny *****-session about "why doesn't my bf/hubby/partner do more for me..."

And I say this not to get your backs up, but because I feel I underestimated the women here. I enjoy this forum immmensely because of the down-to-earthness, and the "mate-ship" that Margo mentions. I owe you ALL an apology for my thoughts before I even opened the thread the first time...

And thats what many of the posts here demonstrate. That V Day is not the only or most important day to celebrate or declare your love. I'm well-impressed... though Valentines Day was established in ancient Rome with a slightly different focus, the commercialistation of it is quite recent (like the use of Christmas cards) and I am proud to see so many women from around the world not buying in to the commercial aspect of it

(... you know... he didn't but me a hundred dollar bunch of roses, or take me out for a candlelit dinner at an exclusive restaurant - he didn't even buy me some nice trinket I'll never wear but want anyway... so he cant love me at all)

I see my post is getting long so I'll cut it short... yay for not getting caught up in it, yay for observing it in quiet ways or on other days... I don't do it, nor does my man. The only valentine I got was a card covered in hearts from my youngest son he had made at school in his lunch break.

The other kiwis here have it sussed... its a big deal for shops and teenagers here... but us big girls know our significant guy or gal does not have to borrow money prove they love us.

[DirtDiva]

...The only valentine I got was a card covered in hearts from my youngest son he had made at school in his lunch break...
:o Aw. I wanna teach a whole class of kids like him. :D