Atypical shopping day & outfit for wedding

[shootingstar]

I spent a totally atypical (for me) afternoon of shopping....jeepers. It is abnormal for me to spend 4 hrs. non-grocery, non-sportswear shopping of today. :confused: After buying a wedding gift (which I enjoyed looking artists' co-op), went looking for a dressier top and maybe a skirt in a shopping mall.

Wedding for a nephew in May.

I'm getting more and more resistant buying any piece of clothing that I will only wear once. Several lovely tops that I tried, but nixed because just would not be wearable at work. :( So got a $36.00 top that I could wear to work in warm/hot weather at work, etc. later. I must be gettin' old. I resisted buying a flared black skirt. I already have 2 different black skirts + the black one with machine embroidered edge below:

Would you wear a skirt this short to a wedding? It was a bargain that I got over yr. ago for $38.00. I do occasionally wear it at work. It fits neatly in my bike pannier. :) (Yes, these are how low my dress shoes are. Walkable. I occasionally wear them at work.)

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[Blueberry]

Why not? I think it's a lovely skirt! And I only own 2 pairs of heels (and they're made by a clog manufacturer - the only reason I can wear them!).

And I agree - I'm become much, much more resistant to buying clothes that can't be used for multiple purposes. I have a closet full of them (most of them no longer fit) - and I don't like them. Time for some serious cleaning!

[shootingstar]

You know, my partner thought the skirt was too 'casual'. He thought a plain black skirt (with a belt) which I have, would be better and more "formal". I was actually surprised by his evaluation. This is coming from a guy who dislikes wearing a suit but knows he will have to wear one. :rolleyes: Last year, he grumped about it for his nephew's wedding. He biked to the U.S. and bought his suit there. Then after wedding, he had his daughter bring it back, while he continued cycling northward to Canada.

(I couldn't take time off for that occasion...)

Oy, lovely clothing and only wearing them once or twice. I find it hard to donate the stuff...but I am weaning myself to do some year by year.

I saw some store styles: I could actually rejuvenate some pieces from closet --in style again. Am such a squirrel, keeping my clothing. I should have kept a bridesmaid's dress,....for costumed fun, bike rides!!!!

[Blueberry]

No offense to your partner or mine, but sometimes those of the opposite gender don't really "know the rules" of women's clothing as well:) I think either would be fine, but I really like the embroidery on this one. I do think women have a bit more flexibility than do men for these occasions.

Slight thread drift - I too find it hard to donate. But - a friend with a lovely, streamlined house once gave me some good advice. His advice was to let go of your concept of what things cost, or what they "should be" worth. Look at what they are worth to you now. If they're not making your life better (and in my case - given that we are renting a home and know we will move sooner or later and have to deal with packing, moving, storing), get rid of them. It's really quite freeing. I come from a family with an obsession with "stuff" - nicknacks, china, etc. - and it has been really hard for met to start letting go. But - my home feels better, and I'm happier. I still have a long way to go - but it's a start.

I do wish I had a ridiculous dress for a costumed bike ride, though - that would be great fun!

[Owlie]

I think it depends on how formal the wedding is. If it's relatively casual, sure! If it's formal, perhaps not. But my family is very traditional on that sort of thing.

Regardless, it's a really pretty skirt.

(And all my dress shoes are flat. I can't walk in heels.)

[Crankin]

That is a very pretty skirt, Shooting Star, but I would have to agree with Owlie. It depends on what type of wedding it is. I, personally, think that most weddings would require a little bit more of a formal type attire, unless it's an outdoor, afternoon wedding. If your partner is wearing a suit, I would say wear the skirt, maybe with a dressier top or sweater? This is only me speaking, so don't get offended. I don't like the actual act of shopping (I buy almost exclusively online), but I like buying stuff, if that makes sense. So, a special occasion to buy something is a treat for me. I do look for multiple uses, though. For example, at my younger son's wedding (evening, at a country club, but a buffet and a dj, not super fancy), I wore a black sleeveless dress from J Crew. I have worn it probably 3 times since, and I bought it to wear more than once. On the other hand, my DIL's mom wore a long dress bought from one of those "bridal" places that I thought was stupid. My dress looked dressy and classic, dressed up with pearls and other jewelry. My thought was that she never had a wedding like her daughter was having, and she was living through her. She's a lovely person, so it doesn't matter, but we all have different tastes. I like dressing up and I am pretty traditional about what's proper where. Heck, I only just stopped wearing pantyhose, so as not to be branded as "old."

[malkin]

Would you wear a skirt this short to a wedding?

I wouldn't wear a skirt that short ever, because I wouldn't feel comfortable. You should wear something you like, feel comfortable in, and that is suitable for the formality of the event.

[shootingstar]

Gosh, I bought the top for the wedding event. I can't think of a dressier top to buy since the other tops I saw, I can't wear them to work/make it multi-use later. :( There were other tops: wider, more sheer or lower necklines that I avoid. The days of a formal dressy top that is not sheer, not a print, not wider (than what I'm wearing), not glittery (I already have stuff like that, worn only 1-2 times. :( ) not with a peplum skirt (cute on me but won't last beyond 1 season), not off-shoulder, but not a tailored shirt, are really hard to find.

Yea, picky when we want to make a top multi-purpose later on.

I'll be wearing a black jacket whenever it gets cool.

[Crankin]

It's really hard for me to see the top.
I wear skirts that short all of the time. Go for it!

[lph]

I think it's a lovely skirt, but I can't comment on the suitability for a wedding. Depends on the occasion and the people.

Why would you only wear a top once, though? Won't there be other occasions in the future that warrant something similar? Other weddings, parties, christenings, what-have-you. I love clothes that are multipurpose and can be used for work, but I still have a handful of really nice dresses that are only suitable for quite formal occasions. I feel gorgeous in them, and the styles will last, so I don't mind that they don't get used more than maybe once or twice a year.

[indysteel]

I'm in the the "it depends on the wedding" camp. For an evening wedding, it could be too informal IMO.

But like lph, I see some utility--even if it's limited--in having some dressier pieces in my wardrobe. I was mostly done with weddings before I married DH, but he's younger so I find myself having to go to more of them again. I recently purchased, this (http://www.bodenusa.com/en-US/Clearance/Womens-Dresses/Knee-Length-Dresses/WH422/Womens-Isobel-Dress.html?NavGroupID=4) dress for an upcoming afternoon wedding in which DH is a groomsman (he'll be in a tux). While I don't intend to wear it to work, I do I expect to wear it multiple times to weddings and other events. Depending on the shoe and jewelry, I think I can dress it up or down and wear it most seasons (if paired with a sweater or wrap). I also have a black cocktail dress, too, that has served me well for evening weddings.

[shootingstar]

That's an elegant dress, indysteel.
I know for me, it would look terrible on me, since I'm short (don't know if the original pic reflects that I'm only 5'1"). For me to wear a black dress, probably needs to be more fitted...and not make me look tired. (I have black hair and with advancing age, I have to be very careful wearing black close to my face....especially at a wedding.)

Sad thing, is that we're crossing my fingers that my father (who's cancer is now worse. I found out 3 days ago) we hope he will still be alive by this late May. Seriously. I just hope I wont' be attending a wedding, then funeral in short order or reverse of that. :(

What I wore about 6 years ago at my partner's son's wedding. http://forums.teamestrogen.com/showthread.php?t=23707&page=2 I decided to be more formal at the time. Now the strapless dress (even with a pink chiffon shawl) feels too bare for my nephew's wedding. (One needs to scroll down the page, after getting to linked pg.)

You have to understand, he is the son of my sister who died.
I will wear black....at my father's funeral when the time comes. Not at nephew's wedding. That's too much. He saw all of us in black at his mom's funeral.
Anyway, this is the close-up of my top (very different from the top part of indy's black dress). I need light colours around my face to offset the tiredness in my face in the past few years:
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[Crankin]

Indy, I'm like you; I have a few more timeless type pieces that are dressy and I do have occasion to wear them a few times a year. Not so much weddings, but going out for a more special dinner, birthdays, charity events, etc. That's why I bought the dress I did for my son's wedding. Every few years I take stock and clean out this part of my wardrobe.
I used to think that I couldn't wear black at all. I am more of a "fall" color type person (jewel tones), but I wear almost all black, grey, or off white/white now, with a splash of red or pink. I find that using accessories with color and the right make up takes the "tired look" away. I know you've said you don't wear make up, Shooting Star, but for a special occasion, some neutral type blush and a little lipstick might make a difference.
The blouse is lovely. Maybe a colorful wrap/sweater, if it gets chilly?

[indysteel]

That blouse is pretty.

But I think you may have taken the example of my own dress a bit too literally. I wasn't suggesting that you necessarily buy a navy or black dress or one with the precise fit of my dress. Rather, I was suggesting that having some dressier pieces in your wardrobe might be useful even if you can't wear them to work or ride your bike with them. Pick a cut and color that flatters you or stick with separates if you prefer. The point is that you will likely find it helpful to have those options when you need them.

[malkin]

I think you look wonderful in that skirt and top and if it is right for the event, and you feel good in it, then you're set.
I guess you'll still need shoes.

With weddings it can be hard to tell how formal it is going to be. Sometimes everyone looks like they're at Cinderella's Ball, and other times people look like they're clean and heading out to a restaurant for dinner.

I just went back and looked at your other wedding picture, and I think you look beautiful there too!

Having a bit of anxiety with your family situation is completely understandable. Go with what feels best.

[shootingstar]

Thx for the thoughts and comments. Har, Har, Malkin, those ARE my dress shoes. I guess they're not spikes. I would trip.. :)

Lazy me will probably throw on a black jacket for warmth. So I can't give the impression of an all-black suit at his wedding. The skirt needs to have some life --beyond black. I am wistful and sad that his mother/my sister is not alive to witness this.

[malkin]

Oh--the shoes in the picture are fine! I was just thinking about the skirt and the blouse.
If you want more color you could look for a pretty cotton knit jacket or small sweater in a springy or summery color that you love.

What do you think about including a small memento of your sister in your outfit? Maybe a bit of jewelry or something in her favorite color, or some other little thing so you can bring a thought of her with you for the day?

[redrhodie]

I wore the same green silk dress to 2 different weddings. It was perfect for the first, which was at an afternoon wedding at an inn. So I thought I was set for the next wedding, which was at the Harvard Club in the evening. I felt very underdressed when I saw everyone. The thing that saved me was borrowing my friend's dressy shawl, which luckily looked great with my dress. So if I were you, I'd invest in some kind of wrap or shawl in a pretty color and fabric, like silk or cashmere. You'll probably get a lot of use out of it.

[malkin]

I was just thinking about how ridiculous it is for me to give any kind of fashion advice. I never know what to wear, but I know that feeling physically comfy in my clothes helps me to feel more socially comfy. Okay, 'socially comfortable' is generally quite a stretch for me, but 'socially acceptable' at least.

And the converse--when my clothes don't feel good, I can count on being out of sorts.

[shootingstar]

Most likely my outfit is slightly under dressed. (sounds like I'm wearing only underwear...:p ).

But I'm not worried about being underdressed. As long as what I wear flatters me. It's a family member getting married. I've known him since he was a baby when I still lived in Toronto. I'm just one of 4 aunts. (I suddenly feel old saying this..) It's just nice to be with my extended family...whom I only see once a year or less.

But for weird reasons if it was a friend's wedding and I didn't know anyone else (except dearie), with a pile of strangers invited also. For reasons I can't explain fully, I would want to dress up more.

[lph]

Malkin, I know just what you mean. I'm pretty useless when it comes to fashion, but being dressed "appropriately" (gah, there's a phrase I hate) just means I can relax more and enjoy the occasion. Loved the suggestion of a memento.

Shootingstar, it sounds like you have the outfit nailed. It looks nice! If you're in doubt, what I would do is ask a handful of other women - it's usually pointless to ask the guys - what they're going to wear. I find a lot of female guests wonder about exactly the same thing before a large formal occasion and want to blend in too. (If they're the overly polite types who will always answer "oh, that will look just fine" no matter what, you can ask "should I wear this outfit, or this one").

Strangest wedding outfits I've seen (well not very, but a little odd): at a winter wedding up in Tromsø in the north of Norway. February, well below freezing, light snowfall. Most of the women are in long dresses, dressy pants, many in national costume, but a gaggle of the brides young female friends turn up in buttskimming skirts, bare legs and high heels, teetering through the snow :-) Hardy kids.

[Crankin]

lph, younger women dress like that all the time here. Snow, cold, rain, whatever. Last Friday night I was in Boston for theatre and I had the chance to observe many young women out, hailing cabs, etc. It was about 30 out, with a biting, strong wind. Of course, I see adults out in snow storms, with shorts and no coat, too!

[malkin]

We see the barely dressed out in the snow all winter here too.

My daughter is planning her wedding for May 2014 and I'm already scratching my head about what the heck I am going to wear. I like the idea of national costume, but I'm pretty sure my little bride would not approve!

[lph]

thread digression: malkin - so what would your national costume be?

I ponder buying one every now and then, but they're traditionally supposed to be regional, i.e. don't wear one you don't have a family connection to. And the one associated with where I grew up is just so darn ugly. There's a nice one, modern, not traditional, made recently for Oslo, but it sort of defeats the old-fashioned aspect of it all. And they cost an arm and a leg whatever you buy.

[shootingstar]

What do you think about including a small memento of your sister in your outfit? Maybe a bit of jewelry or something in her favorite color, or some other little thing so you can bring a thought of her with you for the day?

It's a lovely idea....

Rather interesting this discussion on national costume. I don't have a "costume". It's real "fashion", real life wear. It's a real top meant to wear at work or for a function...actually that is abit dressy with a high Mandarin collar in plain black linen but edged with bright red and orange floral borders all the way around along the hem, up the button front with asymmetrical front closing, frog closings, and fabric is part of the collar. I actually have only worn it ...once. I would call it a nouveau fusion Asian design --a contemporary interpretation of Chinese tops. Yes, I did buy it from Chinatown.

The thing is to me...it feels a bit "corny" when I wear it with my family. Yes, I know my roots, blah, blah...but still...

I do have a pink satin traditional Chinese high collar dress that was my mother's with some embroidery on colour, by side dress leg slit. I cannot fit the dress since she was naturally bigger boned than me, as a young woman. She wore it for special occasions during first few years after she immigrated here. I keep it only as a heirloom, I guess.

And not surprisingly 2 of my sisters did wear cheongsam, 1 had one made as her wedding gown (in crème white), and the other sis, wore a red one as her going away dress, post wedding gown.

[malkin]

thread digression: malkin - so what would your national costume be?

Not having a suitable national identity is pretty much the problem that keeps me away from a national costume!
I grew up in California in the 60s and 70s, so either I'd have to look like the women on Mad Men or a barefoot beach bum.