Why doesn't he get it?

[Owlie]

Maybe it's that he doesn't know anyone who rides off-road, or because he lives somewhere without a real winter (sorry, but Arizona's winter doesn't count in my book. ;)), but the boyfriend doesn't see anything other than a road bike/road cycling as a legitimate form of bicycle-based recreation.

I'm planning on buying a disc brake-equipped, steel CX bike as an all-round bike--unpaved paths, winter, commuter, whatever. His response when I mentioned it? "Why would you want that? Why wouldn't you just buy a real road bike?" I tried to explain to him that I want to try off-road riding before I commit to a mountain bike, plus I'd like a commuter to save on gas (I've found a good place to park it). "Why steel? It's heavy!" Yes, it's heavier than my road bike, but not by a whole lot, and the ride quality will be smoother. There's always something wrong with it.

Then I mentioned a mountain bike. "You have nowhere to ride a mountain bike!" Actually, we have a park with dedicated mountain bike trails here, and at least one of the other parks allows off-road riding in summer. (I'm sure there's more, but that's what I can do right now.)

"Why not just get a road bike?" Yes, I want a new go-fast road bike (the current one isn't quite cutting it anymore) but the one that fits me best (Cannondale Supersix/CAAD10) is a little out of my price range, though the CAAD10 might be doable. (I do get a discount on Fuji, and we might be able to make Fuji's carbon road bike work, but it might be a little tricky--I'm awkwardly between sizes)

I can't tell what's going on here. I can't tell if he genuinely doesn't see the value in it, or he's feeling like I'm trying to take up activities that he doesn't enjoy and he's getting jealous or what. He's aware that it's my money and I get to spend it how I want, but it's frustrating to know that he doesn't support me in this.

Just needed to vent.

[velo]

That's frustrating. Sometimes it's hard to understand the reasoning behind another person's decisions and when those decisions are vastly different from your own, it can sound critical when you discuss it. If your bf is a road cyclist, then he may be very narrow-minded about riding. I remember feeling that road cycling was *IT* and how could anyone want to do anything else with their precious time (!!!) ... but I've mellowed now and just like you, am looking for my next bike to be a CX bike for tooling around and maybe not even going off-road with it. I bet as you talk through it, he'll come around. If not, I hope you can come to a mutual understanding that not everyone rides like the next person. Good luck on the CX search. Venting can be good and I hope it helped. I know it does for me. :)

[indysteel]

You ask good questions, Owlie. Have you ask him why he's being so resistant and how it's making you feel?

[shootingstar]

Curious, do you and he ride together often? Does he ride with you when he does?

[Owlie]

Indy-- I have asked, and the answer I got was something along the lines of "Well, I'm concerned that you won't enjoy it and you'd have wasted your money." While I do understand that concern over the mountain bike, I'm not entirely sure I understand it about the CX bike. I wonder if he thinks I'm compromising my desire for a new road bike or that I'm cheaping out and getting something that doesn't meet my criteria for a road bike because it's cheap. I did try to explain to him that that wasn't the case and the CX bike fills a different niche, but I'm not sure he listened.

Shootingstar--Even though he was the one that got me into cycling, I've done far more miles by myself than with him. Granted, we've been long-distance much of the time that I've been riding, but I think I've done only 60 miles with him over the last three years.

[shootingstar]

Shootingstar--Even though he was the one that got me into cycling, I've done far more miles by myself than with him. Granted, we've been long-distance much of the time that I've been riding, but I think I've done only 60 miles with him over the last three years.

Hey Owlie, you just have to cycle to your own beat. But if I had a cycling partner like yours, my heart would be a bit hurt...sharing same passion but um...separate. My partner has cycled...get this....234,000 freakin' km. over the last 24 years!!!! He tracks on spreadsheets.

He's done alot of solo cycle-touring because he's retired now but I'm not. It used to bother me but now I realize, he needs me each evening when we skype when he's travelling: he has no one else to understand his triumphs and tribulations as a solo tourer. Besides I enjoy hearing about his journeys, etc.

However he does enjoy cycling with me and is never overly too far that I can't see him when we do ride together. Wierd, but for us....as 2 cyclists, it's 2 lovers ..together, riding the journey of life together.

[thekarens]

We mostly hang out with mountain bikers and there's a few of them who honestly believe there is no other form of riding and anyone who thinks differently are idiots. They think roadies are dumb. Maybe he's sort of that way in reverse.

[Roadtrip]

Owlie, I got similar reactions from DH when I told him I wanted to look at starting my own small business. I had just gotten it out of my mouth and he was criticizing... Do you know how many small businesses fail in the first year... It would destroy us financially if you tried and failed so why try at all... and it went on.

Sometimes it's nice to have that support when they agree with you, but frustrating when you don't see eye to eye. Sill would be nice to have support (like I do his interests) or more of a debate then just feeling shot down.

Shannon

[shootingstar]

I think he should understand what it means to bike and love a bike, whatever type. He is a cyclist himself after all. Hope he spends energy understanding something about you in other areas of your life.

[SheFly]

FWIW, I have every type of bike you can imagine, and I race road, MTB and CX. In the winter, I train on my CX bike with fenders - it's aluminum (vs. carbon), and this year will have disc brakes. Why? Where I live, the winters can be harsh, and having a "beater" bike for winter riding is a really good idea. The disc brakes will be especially good in the bad weather, protecting the rims, and allowing me to actually stop :). Oh - and when I finally make the switch to my road bike for training? It's like I've grown wings! Nothing better than the first couple of rides on the carbon roadie after a winter of training on the heavy bike.

He might not get it, but it's YOUR purchase. The CX bike is a great purchase, IMO.

SheFly

[pinsonp2]

I think your BF is probably a little afraid that you are expanding your horizons without him. To him that probably means that he is also concerned that you will meet new friends that may replace him. Men are a bit hard to read since they usually can't verbalize why they feel the way they do....too touchy feelie. Keep up the open discussion and perhaps he will see your point of view. Remember he feels a bit responsible for getting you into cycling and it is scary if you are moving in a direction he does not understand. When all is said and done, it is your bike. It took awhile for my DH to understand why I wanted a CX bike. Once I got it and he saw what I used it for, he bought one off of eBay last night. YMMV.

Good luck,
P2

[Owlie]

No words of wisdom, just empathy. (Was married 15 years...humph. Enough said).

FWIW, I've always wanted a cyclocross bike. Riding a CX is being a kid again. With a fancy road bike, you are limited to nice surfaces. And you have to be more careful with the bike. The steel Schwin Le Tour I grew up on might as well have been a XC for the way I treated it. The thing was bomb-proof. I remember riding up gravel piles.

If you really wanted to make your proposed CX a do anything bike, you could get a second set of nice road wheels with slicks. Maybe hand-built. Then the only difference would be that you had more reliable brakes. (More or less. ;)).

I agree--I want something I can abuse. That's the scariest thing to me about carbon--I feel like I'll have to treat it with kid gloves, even though logic tells me that that's not necessarily the case. Maybe that CAAD10 isn't such a bad idea, given the difficulties of getting my bike in and out of my apartment.

[zoom-zoom]

I agree--I want something I can abuse. That's the scariest thing to me about carbon--I feel like I'll have to treat it with kid gloves, even though logic tells me that that's not necessarily the case. Maybe that CAAD10 isn't such a bad idea, given the difficulties of getting my bike in and out of my apartment.

DH got a killer deal on a SuperX (like $700 off the previous year)...he and at least 5 other guys in the area all race CX HARD on that bike. Carbon is strong!

[indysteel]

Indy-- I have asked, and the answer I got was something along the lines of "Well, I'm concerned that you won't enjoy it and you'd have wasted your money."

In my opinon, sometimes the best way to diffuse an argument is to admit that there is at least some validity to it. So, if I were in your shoes, my reaction to that would be: "Yeah, I suppose that's a possibility, but that's not really the end of the world, is it? If I don't end up loving it, then I'll sell the bike. Yes, I'll likely take a loss on it, but the only way to figure out whether I'll like something is to try it. I'd rather waste some money along the way than not try at all." Then I'd end any further discussion about it and go about my merry way.

[Becky]

Once again, Indy hits it out of the park. Home run advice there!

[pll]

I like Indy's advice.

A different tack would be to bait him to get a cross bike, too. Cross improves bike handling skills (so I am told), but it also enables you t do some epic gravel rides. Here's one that has me wanting a cross bike with disc brakes (cross per se I enjoy watching, but I am not cut for it): http://www.tusharcrusher.com/

See the video from FatCyclist: http://vimeo.com/45812668 (it was his first ride with a cross bike)

[SadieKate]

I live in one of the bike-iest towns in the nation and the cool kids ride 'em all. Mtb and road bikes are hung in the garage for the winter and out come the CX bikes and nordic skis. The folks here would be hard-pressed to keep their faces straight with his attitude. Of course, you can't tell him that so I'm not much help. :p

[nuliajuk]

Really, it isn't actually necessary for him to "get it", he just has to respect your choice and realize that it's you that's buying it and riding it, not him.
You don't have to share every interest. My husband doesn't "get" swimming or urban cycle touring, I don't share his interest in steam trains or vintage buses. That's fine, we have enough interests in common and don't have to be joined at the hip.

[bluebug32]

I would be hurt and confused too. But have you noticed that cyclists, particularly men, can be pretty judgmental when it comes to different types of cyclists? I don't think Bike Snob is far off when he jokingly points out all the labels cyclists have for each other or the brands/types of bikes they ride. It sounds like his response is a combination of not wanting to see you give up the type of cycling he identifies with and also a fear of being left behind if you are doing something he isn't. My husband has this same fear of change and usually when I just go ahead and take the plunge, he'll be adamant at first and then eventually come around or convert to it as well.