Meeting women my own age/interests

[VeganBikeChick]

How do you all do it? I moved to Denver a month ago and am having the hardest time ever meeting people, especially girl friends to hang out with. I thought I'd have luck at my job, but I'm one of 2 single women, and the other one is only concerned with finding the perfect guy - I've tried getting her to go out and do something, but no luck. The other women are all married with families.

Part of the problem is my work schedule - i work until 8-9:30pm during the week and only have weekends free. I've thought about joining a running or cycling group, but I'm at a very basic level and being passed by everyone would only frustrate me. Any ideas out there?

[jessmarimba]

Not sure where you are, but my running group is great :) We've got quite a variety of speeds/distances/etc. From a couple Boston qualifiers to 5:30+ marathon times. (And we seem to have lots of folks in the medical field, you may even work with some of them). We meet in Wash Park on Saturdays and then go eat but I'm skipping today to work the beer festival.

But I know how you feel. I've been here for three years, and outside the running folks I have exactly 0 female friends in Denver. Only a handful of male friends that I've met through my second job. It's tough.

[emily_in_nc]

In the cycling club I was a member of in North Carolina, there were riders of all speeds, so don't let that stop you. There were a lot of slower riders who rode together a lot and became good friends. Most rides will be advertised to be of a certain pace or will break into two or more groups, so obviously don't go to an "A" paced ride if you are slow, but if it's a B-C type ride, it will usually break into several groups, and some people will almost always be around the same pace as you. I had many great conversations and met some great women friends that way. There was also a women-only ride that was fun.

What other interests do you have? Perhaps there are other clubs, organizations, or groups you could join, attend meetings, etc. From book clubs to dining clubs to whatever...I would be surprised if a big city like Denver didn't offer numerous ways to meet people. But you have to get out there -- that's the hardest part. And be patient -- you've only been there a month.

[Shellyrides]

I have had the worst time finding friends. I tried a couple outdoors groups, but even though I could keep up with them on hikes I felt that they where almost afraid that my fat would rub off on them. My friends I have now think I am insane and do not understand why I want back to my old life style so bad and think its just a "thing" I am going through. I even tried posting on CL for training buddies. no luck here.

[Hi Ho Silver]

Check out Meetup.org for groups in your area that focus on interests similar to yours. There may be a biking group that has separate rides for beginners, intermediate, and advanced levels.

[emily_in_nc]

Check out Meetup.org for groups in your area that focus on interests similar to yours. There may be a biking group that has separate rides for beginners, intermediate, and advanced levels.

That's a great idea I always forget about. A friend of mine in NC met a lot of nice women through various meet-up groups in the local area. There was one just for women of a certain age who wanted to go out for a glass of wine and lady-chat from time to time, one for her dog's breed, one for people with a particular psychological issue... there are ALL kinds of meet-up groups -- crafts, music, sports, book lovers, the list goes on -- it's really quite amazing.

[bluebug32]

I just moved to a new state in February. I think the best plan is to go with a Meetup group or check your local bike clubs, as people from all levels tend to join. I also become a regular at our local bike shop and became friends with the owner and mechanic. They've hosted weeknight rides where I've met some fun women to ride with. You just have to be very proactive. Don't be afraid to invite people you meet to do things.

[Atlas]

Because of your screen name the first thought shouted in my brain was POTLUCK! Judging from the amazing vegan restaurants in Denver there must be a sizable population of herbivores. Check out meet-up or facebook for any local groups. I've met a lot of great people at vegan potlucks (my partner of 4 years being one of them). Like others have pointed out, there is a group for everything out there. It's just a matter of finding them.

[ny biker]

I've met people in my neighborhood by getting involved with one of the committees that make decisions for my condo association. If your home is part of a homeowners/condo association or has some kind of neighborhood group, it might be worth getting involved.

Also if you went to a college that has an alumni club in your area, that's another thing to try. And if you belong to a church/synagogue/other religious thing, I know some people make friends by getting involved there.

[nuliajuk]

Do join a running or cycling group - you might be surprised at the range of abilities. An exercise class during the day might be another option for meeting people. Volunteering for a marathon or 10k race might make you some new contacts while handing out water and energy drink.
I know that it does get harder to move to a new place and make friends after age 40 or so. People already have their own circle of friends and don't really need new ones.
I moved to this city for the job and still don't really know many people. Joining clubs has made me a few acquaintances, but no real friends. I swam with the triathlon club every Sunday morning for 5 months and can count on the fingers of one hand the number of people who ever spoke to me or acknowledged my existence. This winter I'll try the cross-country ski club. I volunteered for one of their loppets last spring and they seemed like a friendlier bunch than the triathletes.

[Biciclista]

there are actually vegan meetups here in Seattle. maybe there is such a thing where you are too.
Go to your local food coop and sign up for something. also, DO join a running group, you can't assume everyone else runs like the wind. don't eliminate your own good ideas without trying them!

[indysteel]

Whatever you choose to do--and I think all of the above are great suggestions--be prepared to make the first (and second and third moves) with people. Don't wait for people to come to you or to invite you out. Be pushier and more forward than you otherwise might want to be. And say yes to as much as you safely can, even if it's a bit outside your comfort zone.

To the above suggestions, I'd add joining a local YMCA. I'd suggest the Y over other gyms because they often offer social activities, too. Make use of social media, too, with respect to anything you join or are interested in. That will keep you attuned to events, impromptu gatherings and the like.

[shootingstar]

Since I've moved twice in 2 different provinces after leaving a province where I was born, I have to say, that friendship takes time.

Guess I've gotten to a point there if I share 1-2 interests with someone, that's good enough. If we share more, ie. similar values, great, even better. As long as the other person isn't too dissimilar that we can't talk about stuff for 2-3 hrs. in 1 sitting.

[colby]

I have this problem, too. Even if I share interests with people I work with (married or not), I just can't make the leap to hanging out with them outside of work, it almost feels like asking someone out on a date. ;) With co-workers, starting with getting lunch or going out for coffee is my go-to. I have to admit I've had more trouble with women than men, I share obvious common interests with more male co-workers (and I work with 90% men). :p I also share your fear with cycling/running clubs not being my speed, literally or figuratively. At some point, I think you have to take a chance, one way or another. Don't exclude married co-workers, try the cycling or running club, try a new class, try a meetup or something new around another interest you have.

Maybe we should start a support group, I'll join. Once a week, stick your neck out, try to make a new friend. Just one thing. ;) One week, I checked out the local triathlon-oriented bike shop just to see what they had. It was super passive, but I wanted to get a feel for whether I'd fit in. Someone in the elevator of my condo building was very reassuring about trying another local womens ride, saying it was very friendly to new folks (apparently she sensed my trepidation). This week, I'll have the same bike shop rebuild my bike that I'm shipping and see what strikes up from that. Baby steps. ;)

[solobiker]

Welcome to the Denver area!! All the above ideas sound great.. I am not one to participate in group activities..as you can tell by my name so I do a lot on my own or with DH. There are lots of groups out here though which may help you out with what you are looking for. I would offer to ride with you but I have not been on my bike since the end of June due to back issues. I may try to get some riding in pretty soon to see it feels.

[VeganBikeChick]

Thanks so much to everyone for your ideas. Unfortunately i dont have internet so i dont get onto TE nearly as much as I'd like :). Jess, I'd love to join your running group. I just signed up for a 10k and need all the motivation i can get.

I will definitely put into motion the ideas you all have suggested. Thanks again.

[Catrin]

I hear you, I have the same problems meeting other women close to my age and interests. It doesn't help being shy in person, though that might sound odd coming from me. It is hard for me to break out of my routine and get out there to meet new people. What has been interesting to me is recently I've been meeting younger women (30s) with similar interests with whom I seem to be making better friendship connections than women closer to my age. These women have children and are not single, but their interests are closer to mine than most of the 50ish year old women I know.

One exception was a woman I met recently who wants to mtb with me since she figures her children are now old enough to take care of themselves if something happens to her on the trail! Her comment opened my eyes to a few things. Not being a mom I hadn't thought about it that way but given my own injury rate on the trail (and the whiplash injury last year could have been far worse, as bad as it was). She is my age and wants to start mtb racing next year. I told her I would be her cheering section ;)

[missjean]

I hear you, I have the same problems meeting other women close to my age and interests. It doesn't help being shy in person, though that might sound odd coming from me. It is hard for me to break out of my routine and get out there to meet new people. What has been interesting to me is recently I've been meeting younger women (30s) with similar interests with whom I seem to be making better friendship connections than women closer to my age. These women have children and are not single, but their interests are closer to mine than most of the 50ish year old women I know.



This issue is something that has been on my mind lately, and it is good to see that I am not the only one who is having this problem. I've even thought about starting a Meet Up group for active woman over 45, but I just don't have the time.

[indysteel]

I haven't paid much attention to my friends' ages relative to mine in a long time. I have only a handful of friends who are also in their early 40s. The rest of my friends are in their 50s and 60s. And my husband is in his early 30s. Age matters less to me that compatibility.