profŕvélo
01-04-2006, 11:18 AM
For all you newbies, here are some cycling expressions you might hear...and what they mean (courtesy of a woman in our bike club). ;)
"I'm out of shape"
Translation: I ride 400 miles a week and I haven't missed a day since
the Ford administration. I replace my 11-tooth cog more often than
you wash your underwear. My body fat percentage is lower than your
mortgage rate.
"I'm not into competition"
Translation: I will attack you until you collapse into the gutter,
babbling and whimpering as if you'rve been watching Celebrity Poker.
I will win the town-line sprint even if I have to hook you into
oncoming traffic. I will crest this hill first even if I have to grab
your seat post, spray an energy drink into your eyes or ask you how
to program my DVD player.
"I am on my beater bike today"
Translation: I had this baby custom-made in Tuscany using titanium
blessed by the Pope. I took it to a wind tunnel and it disappeared.
It weighs less than a popcorn fart and costs more than a divorce.
"It's not that hilly"
Translation: This climb lasts longer than a presidential campaign. Be
careful on the steeper sections or you'll fall over----backwards. Oh,
you have a 39x23 low gear? Here's the name of my knee surgeon.
"You're doing great honey"
Translation: Yo, lardo, I'd like to get home before midnight. This is
what you get for spendng the winter watching football and gobbling
sausages. I shoulda married that cute Cat 1 when I had the chance.
"This is a no drop ride"
Translation: I'll need an article of your clothing. It's for the
search-and-rescue dogs.
"It's not that far"
Translation: Yes, it is.
"I'm out of shape"
Translation: I ride 400 miles a week and I haven't missed a day since
the Ford administration. I replace my 11-tooth cog more often than
you wash your underwear. My body fat percentage is lower than your
mortgage rate.
"I'm not into competition"
Translation: I will attack you until you collapse into the gutter,
babbling and whimpering as if you'rve been watching Celebrity Poker.
I will win the town-line sprint even if I have to hook you into
oncoming traffic. I will crest this hill first even if I have to grab
your seat post, spray an energy drink into your eyes or ask you how
to program my DVD player.
"I am on my beater bike today"
Translation: I had this baby custom-made in Tuscany using titanium
blessed by the Pope. I took it to a wind tunnel and it disappeared.
It weighs less than a popcorn fart and costs more than a divorce.
"It's not that hilly"
Translation: This climb lasts longer than a presidential campaign. Be
careful on the steeper sections or you'll fall over----backwards. Oh,
you have a 39x23 low gear? Here's the name of my knee surgeon.
"You're doing great honey"
Translation: Yo, lardo, I'd like to get home before midnight. This is
what you get for spendng the winter watching football and gobbling
sausages. I shoulda married that cute Cat 1 when I had the chance.
"This is a no drop ride"
Translation: I'll need an article of your clothing. It's for the
search-and-rescue dogs.
"It's not that far"
Translation: Yes, it is.