Know any women living close to 100 yrs.?

[shootingstar]

The latest, that more women than men live to 100. Just more centurians around than many decades ago. Do you personally know any woman who has lived to 100 or at least around 90?

I celebrate my own health, but really the thought of living so long doesn't totally thrill me. :confused: Am I just...afraid?


http://www.theglobeandmail.com/news/politics/census-shows-spike-in-seniors-increasing-east-west-labour-gap/article2446215/


Another fast-growing age group is the over 100 crowd. The 2011 census found 5,825 centenarians, up from 4,635 in 2006. Of those, only 955 were men. Statistics Canada projects there will be 78,300 centenarians by 2061, most of whom will be women.

More women than men reach the age of 100 because women have lower probabilities of dying at all ages than men. In 2008, life expectancy at birth was 78.5 years for men and 83.1 years for women.
Internationally, Canada’s rate of centenarians per 100,000 persons (17.4) ranks fifth in the G8, behind Japan (36.8), Italy (26.6), France (25.8) and the United Kingdom (20.3).

[lovelygamer]

I wouldn't call it fear. I'm a realist and personally don't want to live that long. Most the people I know that die aren't in good health and they die between 70-90 years old. Imagine stretching that out even more? ugh.

I would rather go suddenly when I am well, than to deal with a decreasing quality of life. My own family longevity isn't bad, but no one over 90. I doubt I will be the first to break that tradition. hehe

Interesting story and statistics!

[nuliajuk]

There was something in the paper yesterday about Saskatchewan having the highest number of centenarians in Canada. The number per capita here is almost double that of the rest of the country on average. No-one could quite figure out why.
People who do live to 100 tend to not have the chronic ailments of people who die 20 or 30 years sooner. No dementia, for example. Since not all of them had healthy habits, and many had equally long-lived relatives, it's thought to be something heriditary to do with telemeres and cell division.
My worry would be running out of money. It's hard enough to save for a retirement that theoretically lasts 20-25 years, let alone 40 or more.

[limewave]

My paternal great-grandmother lived to be 104 years old. Both of my grandmother's lived well into their 90's. My paternal grandmother was a true fighter. I had been called to her "deathbed" 4-5 times. It kind of became a joke in the family. There was the bad car accident that left her on life-support in her 80's, the blood-infection that had her in intensive care for weeks, and then the cancer that brought many close calls in her 90s. She was a very strong woman :)

Although both my grandmothers had complicated health issues late in life, they both had full and active lifestyles until their 90's. My maternal grandmother lived in a senior community and went to dances every weekend, traveled, and volunteered. My paternal grandmother went to many of her grandchildren's extra curricular activities that she could until she had to go into a nursing home in her 90's. She also volunteered and participated in her community events.

[fetchspot]

My grandmother lived to 103. She did watch after her health by incorporating what seemed the best current health adviced. I was amazed that both her siblings were still also alive. They were in their 90's. I used to tease her "what was life like back before the airplane?" A true lady never tells her age, she would say.
fs

[shootingstar]

There was something in the paper yesterday about Saskatchewan having the highest number of centenarians in Canada. The number per capita here is almost double that of the rest of the country on average. No-one could quite figure out why.
People who do live to 100 tend to not have the chronic ailments of people who die 20 or 30 years sooner. No dementia, for example. Since not all of them had healthy habits, and many had equally long-lived relatives, it's thought to be something heriditary to do with telemeres and cell division.
My worry would be running out of money. It's hard enough to save for a retirement that theoretically lasts 20-25 years, let alone 40 or more.

Yea, I worry about money running out when living so long. I know a good face to face friend who is in her mid-70's and her money is getting tight. She's been single most of her life, no children. Ironically she was a professional librarian specializing in geriatric medicine and gerontology (sociology of aging) in the latter 2 decades of her career.

Somehow it doesn't surprise me about Saskatchewan...it's agriculture based but probably have people there who know their communities/people really well ..and for support.

Dearie's mother lived to 93. Her last 3 years were not great, with last 2 in nursing home, which is pretty good and indicator of her reasonably ok health up to then with a heart condition under control since her 40's. She cooked and ate healthy in the latter 45 yrs. of her life. I'm so glad to have known someone like her to understand how important it is to have the right attitude and good habits when living quite long.

I believe it is my parents' generation that is living longer than their predecessors. My grandparents on both sides died in their 60's-70's..China's health care system at their time was not great.

[skhill]

My grandmother made it to 94; she was in excellent health until the last 3 years or so. After grandpa died, dementia bloomed fast. I also had a great-grandmother who lived to be 92; again, she was very healthy and living on her own in her own house until having a stroke. She went from the hospital to a nursing home, and died just a couple months later. The pattern in my family seems to be that if you make it to 70, you'll make it to 90ish...

[Eden]

My husband great aunt lived into her late 90's. She was healthy and independent for nearly the whole time. She just started to get very tired at the end. I think she moved in with his grandmother just the week before she died peacefully in her sleep.

His grandmother was quite old too when she passed away, she did have some dementia when she died, but mercifully her decline was pretty steep, so it was not long after she showed the symptoms and became dependent on others before she passed.

My dad's mom I think was in her 80's. My mom's mom is still alive.

[Crankin]

Both of my grandmothers lived until 92, without much degenerative stuff. My dad's mom died while playing Bingo, down in W. Palm Beach.... she just shut her eyes.
My mom's mom died of pneumonia, but when she died, they discovered she had pancreatic cancer. My mom's dad worked until he died at age 91 or 92. He was a former track and football star at BU.
My paternal grandfather only lived until 79, but he was overweight, smoked, and died of bladder cancer. My dad is still active at age 87. Unfortunately, my mom had a viral liver disease, that she didn't know she had until she was in her 50's. It was transmitted in utero. She died at 67, but not because of her lifestyle.
I'd like to live as long as possible.

[Reesha]

Three of my grandparents lived to 93 years old. My mom's mom had Alzheimers for several years, but both of my dad's parents were pretty spry for their age. Grandpa didn't take good care of himself though and was confined to a wheelchair because of his knees and water retention-- very mentally sharp though. My grandmother died the year before he did because she was so darn worn out taking care of him-- right til her end she was on her feet! It was always such a pleasure to come over and make her put her feet up and cook dinner for them both. I miss them terribly!

[SadieKate]

My MIL will be 102 in July and still lives by herself. A lot to admire about her independence but there are a lot of lessons to be learned from her deliberate choices that isolate her and cost her family a lot of time, frustration and worry.

[smilingcat]

my partner has an aunt who is still alive in her 90's and her mother is also in her 90's. Mum lives in a retirement community and still drives :eek: her younger friends (in their 80's and 70's) to doctor's appointment. Trek takes them on a busy So. California freeway. :eek::eek:

Mum stays young and sharp in her faculty in part to having two young kittens we forced her to have. We did cat rescues and we promised her to take care of the cats if the cats outlived her. The cats have kept her busy, mostly enjoyment and interaction for her.

My aunt died in her 90's; my father made it to 84; my mother is in 80's and still very much together. She has forgotten English and now only speaks Japanese. It's okay with me but for my sister and her family not so good.

Both of my paternal grandparents made it well into their 90's and that was 20 years ago. Yes they were born in late 1800's.

I just hope I don't make it that old. It gets very lonely when you are the "last man standing". Sad commentary but very true from my ex's Aunt living in retirement community back in 80's. I fully understand and appreciate her commentary.

[Koronin]

My great grandmother (dad's side) lived to be 102 and she was in decent health and mentally alert until she died. My mom's mom died at 94, physically she was alright, but she had Alzheimer's. My grandfather (mom's dad) died about 9 months after my grandmother died. He was actually younger, he was around 85 when he died. My dad's mom is 88 now and is not doing well, partly because she seems to think that most healthy foods are bad for her along with all the foods that aren't great for you.

[GLC1968]

On my father's side, most family members died young except for one uncle who lived to be 102. He lived in three centuries as he was born in 1899 and died in 2001! He was physically pretty useless his last decade or so, but he was as sharp as a tack mentally until the day he died.

My dad also has an aunt who is well into her 90's as well. Still living on her own and going strong. She amazes me.

My mom's family tends to live into their 80's - all of them (men and women) but then no further. They all also mostly died quietly in their sleep.

I guess that gives me a lottery of sorts. From my dad, I could die young or live to be over 100 or from my mom, I'll live into my 80's and die in my sleep. Weird, huh?

[Owlie]

My great-grandmother had a stroke in her 70s, but was pretty functional until she died at 92. My grandmother (same side of the family) is 95, but has dementia. On my dad's side, my grandfather died relatively young (heart issues--he had his first heart attack at the age of 40). My dad's mom, however, is still sharp and upbeat, and lives by herself, despite having had both knees and both hips replaced due to severe OA. She is the "last man standing" out of her siblings, and she's watching her sister-in-law slide into dementia. I don't know how she does it.

[Aggie_Ama]

My Mammaw died 3/23/12 at the age of 94. Her last 10 years she had very declining mobility although she had been active her whole life. She wasn't active as in a runner or cyclist, she worked and didn't know any other way. When I was growing up she tended a large garden (about 1/2 an acre), cooked, cleaned, took care of up to 5 grandkids at a time, did most house repairs that were minor, was rescuing various animals, etc... I am thankful only her last month or two her mind started to lose sharpness, mostly due to pain from her failing body and the meds to manage that. Otherwise even after a major stroke she would do crosswords in pen, read several books a week, crochet and tell so many wonderful stories.

However, I wouldn't want to be like her. The most painful thing she ever said was last fall when I was sitting with her "I am not sure what hurts more, the pain or knowing how much I am unable to do I used to be able to do." It was a struggle to move from her chair to her back porch to watch the birds and squirrels she adored. After about 85 she gradually got worse and worse physically and it really made her unhappy.

[OakLeaf]

Everyone over 70 with whom I've been close enough to have the conversation - everyone, both relatives and friends, people from all walks of life, the sole exception being my mother who can manage to find the bright side of the most horrific situations, and even she has been faltering lately - every single other one of them has told me "don't get old." Usually in those exact words. At 52, I'm at the age where I'm very much inclined to take their advice.

I think a lot of people refuse to admit to themselves that they don't have a choice about whether or not they're going to die. Once you admit you don't get to choose about that, you realize you do have a great deal of choice about how and when.

[Kiwi Stoker]

I spent the last two years living with DH's 93 year old grandmother in Singapore.

She has dementia and her memory was her pride and joy, so losing it is very distressing to her. Her behaviour had significatly changed as well, having tantrums etc like a child.

She simply sat at home all day. She doesn't want to go to church as it is too hard and none of her friends attend (they are often ill). She has stopped going out for dinner with her children's families. She hates having to use the wheelchair, but has to as she cannot walk too far- another reason for her not to go out.

She would tell DH that everyday she prayed to God to take her soon. She also talked about jumping out the apartment window (20 floors) as she has had another. Her latest tactic is stopping all her medication and not going to see a doctor.

I have since stopped living with her last year- it was too hard and we needed to go back to our own country. It is really horrible to live with someone who feels like this and you cannot help agree with her. Her quality of life is very low. And she wants to go as well. She's lived too long.

[GLC1968]

Everyone over 70 with whom I've been close enough to have the conversation - everyone, both relatives and friends, people from all walks of life, the sole exception being my mother who can manage to find the bright side of the most horrific situations, and even she has been faltering lately - every single other one of them has told me "don't get old." Usually in those exact words. At 52, I'm at the age where I'm very much inclined to take their advice.


Wow, that strikes me as very sad. Are they just not dealing with how life has changed for them, or is it really that bad?

Both of my parents are now over 70 and they both enjoy life more every day. They get a tad sad/depressed when then think about friends they have lost, but for the most part, they are very happy with the progression of their lives. And trust me, neither of them would be considered overly optimistic. Maybe it's because they still have each other?

[Crankin]

I agree, GLC. One of the reasons I stopped seeing my aunt (among many others) was her constant refrain of "old age ain't for sissies." Now she is only 75, and this was 5-10 years ago. She has normal degenerative things, mostly from her own lifestyle. My own mom, who lived in pain for the last 10 years of her life and had an unsuccessful liver transplant at age 66 *never* spoke like that. She was positive until the end.
I know I'm going to die... I just don't want to :). Most of the people in my family live to a very ripe old age and they were not in that bad of shape compared to a lot of people. They had good lives and money and they just were pessimistic about everything. Of course, they were like this before they were old, so I guess it's not shocking.

[goldfinch]

My mother died of a heart attack at age 39. She did not abuse herself.
My mother's mother died of cancer in her early 70s.
My other grandmother died of cancer in her 40s.
My only blood aunt died of heart disease in her 60s.
A female cousin who is in her 60s just had a bypass.

Meh.

[murielalex]

My maternal grandmother lived to 94, and was sharp and happy, not sick or even very weak, living in her own apartment, until the day she passed, which was a peaceful passing one day after a family reunion. I would consider myself a lucky woman if I lived as life half as full with love as she had in her last years.

[emily_in_nc]

I have two great-grandmothers who lived until 96 or 97, both on my mother's side. My maternal grandmother lived until 94 and my maternal grandfather until 96 (unfortunately with dementia, the last four years or so were very sad for him). My father's side was more typical, with his father very sick and dying in his late 60s, I believe, and his mother dying at 82 of heart issues. My father died at 71 in a car accident, and my mom is still doing great at 77 (no big surprise, given her genetics!)

I would like to live as long as I am healthy and would love to make it to 100, but we shall see. I am much more dreading losing my DH, who is 7.5 years older than me and comes from a less long-lived line (tho both his parents are still doing rather well in their 80s) than I am dreading dying myself.

My maternal grandparents used to argue about who was supposed to "go" first. It was supposed to be my grandfather, since he knew he couldn't survive without my grandmother. Unfortunately, it was the other way around, and he literally could not live without her. He did live for 3.5 years after she died, but the quality of his life after he lost her (they'd been married over 60 years) was not good.

[eofelis]

My mother's mother died at 99.5 yrs. She was lived at home (with one of her sons) until a few months before she died. She was hard of hearing for the last few decades of her life, but still sharp. She fell and injured her shoulder and had to be moved into a rehab home. She died a couple months later. We think she died because the Red Sox were on strike. No reason to live. She was a fan.

My mom is 82 and still very active, living on her own, driving, travelling, and going places with her friends.

I'm not sure if I can afford to live that long nowadays.

[jyyanks]

My aunt is 94 and lives in a huge house (but has a live-in). Her health is declining slightly but she is sharp as a tack.

My dad is turning 88 in August and is somewhat active and very sharp and enjoys spending time with his family. Hoping both of them are blessed with more years to spend with us!

[Antaresia]

My great grandma is still alive, she must be 96 or so now.

Last time I was home, we went to visit her. We actually had to plan when to see her because she's always out doing things. I think she gets out more than I do. She lives in an apartment complex for seniors, she was telling us one of the helpers asked if she needed help vacuuming her floors. She said, "I told her no. Why would I need help with that? I can still do it myself". Apparently she just leaves the door to her apartment open, to be social, while we were there I think 3 people said "hi" and she got two phone calls o_O
Before she retired, Grammy worked for the post office delivering mail. She's always been very active.

Her daughter is the only grandparent I have left, Grandma is 73 and apparently going to New York for a trip in a few months. She gets out a lot too, bowling, golfing, craft shows, day trips, church, volunteer work at the theatre - she always has lots of stories whenever I call her.

I come from a long line of women who can only sit still for as long it takes to give cancer the middle finger.

[Crankin]

Eofelis, I laughed out loud when I saw your comment about why you think your grandmother died.
A true New Englander.

[Brandi]

On my mom's side we seems to live into our 90's. My grandma was the exception she was 68 when she died. But her dad and sister's lived well into their 90's. My favorte Aunt was 96 when she passed. She was very spunky and well read. Had a glass of wine every day and read a lot! She was living with my cousin in her last 10 years. And when she passed it was within a day of having a stroke. It was a good way to go for her. She would have hated living with a stroke.

[Norse]

My paternal grandma is 89. She is the only living grandparent I have left. Her family line has a history of living well into their 90's, even back in the 1800s. Grandma has outlived both of her brothers, 2 husbands, and her son, my Dad. She is a lymphoma and lung cancer survivor (never smoked a day in her life, but male relatives did) and has gone strong on one lung since the mid-1960s. She is also a 2-time survivor of melanoma - she grew up on a farm and sunscreen wasn't around back then. She's had some hip and back trouble recently, but she's smart as a tack and just as stubborn as ever. Doctors taking my family medical history marvel that she's still around. As she always says, she's a stubborn 'ole Norwegian. :)

[lovelygamer]

Everyone over 70 with whom I've been close enough to have the conversation - everyone, both relatives and friends, people from all walks of life, the sole exception being my mother who can manage to find the bright side of the most horrific situations, and even she has been faltering lately - every single other one of them has told me "don't get old." Usually in those exact words. At 52, I'm at the age where I'm very much inclined to take their advice.

I think a lot of people refuse to admit to themselves that they don't have a choice about whether or not they're going to die. Once you admit you don't get to choose about that, you realize you do have a great deal of choice about how and when.

Yep. This sounds like my experience. In their 60's people start complaining about the quality of life...especially here in the USA. I think other countries are different-especially countries where people work to live and not live to work. Those with better healthcare systems and better family policies at work seem to allow people to age more gracefully and with a better quality of life but here in America? It's hell to be old and unhealthy. Sometimes, it's just hell to be old.

I pray this doesn't happen to me. I did have one set of grandparents who aged well until 67 years of marriage. The last two years of their lives were hell and both died at 90. Thankfully, I was able to be with them through it all. I miss them and their positive attitude so much.

It's really great to see so many people have positive stories about older age.

[shootingstar]

In their 60's people start complaining about the quality of life...especially here in the USA. I think other countries are different-especially countries where people work to live and not live to work. Those with better healthcare systems and better family policies at work seem to allow people to age more gracefully and with a better quality of life but here in America? It's hell to be old and unhealthy. Sometimes, it's just hell to be old.

Certainly one's own health is critical to "quality of life". My father has cancer (@83). If we were under the U.S. health care system, I doubt very much he would get the level of oncology specialist care that he is getting now and quickly/frequently: he was a restaurant cook before retiring @65 and no top-up private health care insurance by his employer. (One rarely gets that anyway working in the restaurant business).

It wouldn't be surprising how some people might find it easier not to follow healthier habits especially if they have significant preventable health problems: why bother and suffer @90-100 yrs.?

But I would disagree vehemently and my father is living proof that yes, you could suffer from a terminal disease but at least he has no other health problems to complicate the cancer. (No heart, respiratory problems...because his diet has been healthy all along.)

Most definitely a person does NOT want fall into habits that lead into multiple major health problems simultaneously in very old age. Then suffering is greatly compounded.

[Crankin]

I guess this why people are always amazed @ what I do. I am getting pretty close to the age of those complaining 60 year olds.

[OakLeaf]

See though, I'm not talking about complainers or sedentary people. Mostly it's just the opposite - active people who put a brave, happy public face on everything, who've made the comment to me in a quiet, private moment. The quantity and technical expertise of their health care doesn't seem to make much difference in their quality of life, either, not when they have serious chronic degenerative conditions. There's the kind of health care I'm getting, that hopefully will keep some minor pinched nerves in a healthy active person from becoming serious or chronic ... and then there's the kind of health care my dad is getting, substituting one type of agony for another and stripping him of dignity and control.

At least the ones who are still working are the ones who still have something to live for...

[spokewench]

Great Grandma lived to 101 on my Dad's side. Grandma, on my Mom's side lived to 98. Dad lived to 93; mom's still kickin at 86. So, looks like I might be one! Yikes, that is going to be a long time!:D

[Kiwi Stoker]

However I think things have improved. I had a talk to my Dad last month about getting older (I was ribbing him about how close I was to a significant birthday) and he said "being in my 60s isn't so bad. I remember when my grandfather was 65 and he was like a really old man- had to use a walking stick, was totally white haired and ill. I'm now in my 60s and I'm building houses, walking, going overseas and enjoying life. Being in your 60s 50 years ago is like being in your 80s now".

I gave him a big hug after that.

[malkin]

... I guess that gives me a lottery of sorts. ... Weird, huh?

For all of us, life is fragile or remarkably resilliant.
You just never know until you get to the end of the story.

[Crankin]

I still would try to be positive, even if I had a terrible chronic thing that was hard to treat. It's just not in my DNA to be gloomy about this. But, based on my mom's experience, (a terrible life threatening disease that ended in a failed liver transplant), she was positive until the end. She was and still is my role model. At one point they hospitalized her, to get her higher up on the list for the transplant. She actually was not as sick as she was "pretending" to be, and spent the time participating in a program where she helped teach medical students and residents good "bedside manner" and listening skills.
That's how I want to approach anything that comes my way.

[salsabike]

See though, I'm not talking about complainers or sedentary people. Mostly it's just the opposite - active people who put a brave, happy public face on everything, who've made the comment to me in a quiet, private moment. The quantity and technical expertise of their health care doesn't seem to make much difference in their quality of life, either, not when they have serious chronic degenerative conditions. There's the kind of health care I'm getting, that hopefully will keep some minor pinched nerves in a healthy active person from becoming serious or chronic ... and then there's the kind of health care my dad is getting, substituting one type of agony for another and stripping him of dignity and control.

At least the ones who are still working are the ones who still have something to live for...

Thank you, OakLeaf. I think being aware of this, and saying so, is really important. Much appreciated.

[Jiffer]

My Grandma is turning 93 or 94 soon. She's been ready to "go" for some time, but living on her own (with some help) and doing pretty good. My dad thinks she'll outlive us all!

[shootingstar]

Oak, it's true that no matter how sophisticated the health treatment maybe, a person will still suffer. And this is what one dreads for an afflicted family member.

However, I think you know it doesn't serve alot of great purpose to buttonhole a person with a terminal disease to say that they will suffer alot when the patient is already /has been trying to live healthy all along.

Over 15 years ago, I bought a watercolour painting from an artist I admired for a long time. I was amazed when I went to 1 of the gallery showings for her work and spoke with her: she was single all her life, an artist and teacher of art in Toronto (where I lived) for 40 years of life, travelled worldwide and painted. Sat in the snow in the Arctic and painted fantastic glacier watercolours. She also did ice skating on her own pond up into her 70's...with maneouvres on 1 leg. She had an enthusiastic following locally.

at the time I spoke with her, she was 90. She wore an Indian tunic with gold high heels...totally atypical of her style..a gently devout Christian, etc. She led a pretty healthy lifestyle which included hiking since she did alot of landscapes and in her writings she talks about what she eats.

She passed away at 101 last year. For certain, she lived an incredibly full life and produced an amazing amount of art, including 2 autobiographies.

[OakLeaf]

I think you know it doesn't serve alot of great purpose to buttonhole a person with a terminal disease to say that they will suffer alot when the patient is already /has been trying to live healthy all along.

That wasn't my point (although I think it's important to acknowledge that healthy living isn't a magical amulet against suffering).

I don't want to belabor this excessively, but these (http://newoldage.blogs.nytimes.com/2012/06/04/among-the-very-ill-confusion-about-lifes-end/?ref=health) two articles (http://newoldage.blogs.nytimes.com/2012/05/30/discovered-the-magic-word/?ref=health) say a lot - the first one, both in what it says and in what it leaves unsaid; the second one, on that increasingly popular theme of a doctor who has to face the reality of what his profession is doing to its patients, and is horrified by it.

It really reinforces my impression that in modern American society, a vanishingly small number of people are willing to take responsibility for their own mortality. They just wait passively for it to happen to them ... or spend prodigious physical, emotional, family and financial resources on the assumption that if they only spend enough, it never will. I find that both sad and terribly frustrating.

[lph]

Those were very interesting articles, Oak, especially the one about "invoking hospice", as a way of achieving calm. It reminded me a little of when my son had to have a sudden minor operation. The hospital wanted him to spend the night afterwards, in a hot, noisy, shared room where he got no rest or sleep at all until I begged for us to be allowed to sleep in the waiting room, which was empty and quiet. I couldn't help thinking that hospital routines were great for the staff but pretty terrible for aiding a quick and natural recovery from minor stuff.

But I wondered about the first one. What kind of response were they expecting or hoping for? I'm a firm believer in modern medicine and will staunchly defend it in most situations, but there's only so much you can predict about how long a person has left, isn't there? It seems to me that only sensible response to "how long will you live" is exactly that - "I don't know."

[OakLeaf]

But I wondered about the first one. What kind of response were they expecting or hoping for? ... there's only so much you can predict about how long a person has left, isn't there? It seems to me that only sensible response to "how long will you live" is exactly that - "I don't know."

For me and hopefully for you, that's absolutely right. But the population in the study was people who qualified for hospice. And the choice that glaringly absent from the survey was any choice that took an active role.

I've already done some hard thinking and writing about what is and is not an acceptable quality of life for me. IMO every adult should do that, because it's healthy young people who have the most uncertainty about when a sudden trauma or acute illness could permanently deprive them of quality of life. It's an individual decision and one that people can have extreme differences about. But when an individual has decided that she's "ready to go" - which is difficult enough to admit in our culture - it's just sad when cultural or family pressures deprive them of the option.

[shootingstar]

It is difficult for each of us to face our mortality and take steps to plan well in advance, many years in advance. Unfortunately (or fortunately) my sister who is a doctor, probably will end up fielding simple layperson's questions from her own family. She has advised that at the very least, to name a trusted individual (legally) for power concerning one's own health care, should one becomes unable to make decision.

And it requires financial planning well in advance by the patient to get some paid care where there maybe gaps in services that no single health care service can properly cover. It truly amazes me when I read about the growing trend (at least in Canada) retired parents loaning huge amounts of money/remortgaging their home to their children, etc. Have they even considered covering the cost of their own health care and accommodation near the end of life?

My partner's mother did request 15 years (when she was healthy) before she died, that no heroic efforts for saving her if her brain didn't function (or something similar).

She died in her sleep at night when her heart ran out.. in the nursing home. By coincidence or maybe subconscious, she just met with some relatives 1 wk. before who were visiting vacationing in western Canada after flying from Germany.

We are glad she saw them /vice versa.

It makes one wonder if a person/patient had the right/ability to name hospice care in advance, if that will cause an avalanche of backlog requests to the health care system, in terms of some professionals to provide support. I don't get the powerful impression that hospice care is an area that is even cohesive in terms of services. It seems to be abit niched for certain major terminal illnesses. But what do I know. EAch jurisdiction is different.

[salsabike]

That wasn't my point (although I think it's important to acknowledge that healthy living isn't a magical amulet against suffering).

I don't want to belabor this excessively, but these (http://newoldage.blogs.nytimes.com/2012/06/04/among-the-very-ill-confusion-about-lifes-end/?ref=health) two articles (http://newoldage.blogs.nytimes.com/2012/05/30/discovered-the-magic-word/?ref=health) say a lot - the first one, both in what it says and in what it leaves unsaid; the second one, on that increasingly popular theme of a doctor who has to face the reality of what his profession is doing to its patients, and is horrified by it.

It really reinforces my impression that in modern American society, a vanishingly small number of people are willing to take responsibility for their own mortality. They just wait passively for it to happen to them ... or spend prodigious physical, emotional, family and financial resources on the assumption that if they only spend enough, it never will. I find that both sad and terribly frustrating.

I passionately agree with this, given so much of what I've seen. I think what people BELIEVE they will experience, and what they DO experience, can vary much more than many people are willing to consider. And if you don't consider it in advance, your choices can suddenly become very limited, at a time when it is incredibly important that your voice be the primary focus.

[Brandi]

I want to add another story here.
I had a very good friend of mine die last month. It was a huge shock. Richard was in his late 60's. My husband and I met him 5 years ago when I group of us decided to do a weekly volley ball game. Richard was our oldest player. He was not the best but gave it his all and improved over time too. He became one of my biggest life supporters. Always telling me to not worry,enjoy every adventure, to give love. He always had a big kiss for me and a kind word. When i had to take high bp meds I was so mad. Being in my early 40's I was upset. He said to me "would you rather have us wipe drool from your chin"? He worked with the special ed kids at our elementary school for no money as well as was the bus driver for years for the school district. He was very much loved by all that knew him.
Turned out he had leuemia and didn't tell anyone but his wife. He was just about to start a treatment when his bp dropped suddenly one night. They rushed him to the hospital. He had sever anemia and passed away that night. He was surrounded by his whole family though which I am so glad.
I cried for 2 weeks and still feel a loss when I go some place I used to see him and he is not there with his kiss for me. But he taught me so many lessons even his passing taught me a lesson too.
What a amazing person to be able to keep such a big thing to yourself.He just didn't want anyone to treat him differently. Or feel sorry for him.
His daughter called me the morning after he passed and said "my dad loved you two so much, we wanted you to know that" (now crying writing this).
He lived every day like it was his last. He enjoyed everything it had to offer and did not sweat the small stuff. He is my hero!

[OakLeaf]

Brandi, I'm so sorry for your loss. He sounds like an amazing guy.

[Hubbard]

Brandi, I'm sorry to hear about your loss...
Some people die too early and it's really sad.

I haven't met any person who is about 100 yrs old and if I do I will definitely ask whether they have some rules to follow in order to live this long.