Being married to a cellphone or I'm just a luddite

[shootingstar]

:D Only in part jest.

Some people really use their cellphone as a crutch for all sorts of things.
A few co-workers were busy on their cellphone one-quarter of the time at a annual Christmas restaurant lunch.

None of them have jobs which require that they be on call.
I thought it was rude. Thankfully yaaked happily with 2 other colleagues (1 in her late 20's, other closer to my age, who didn't pull out their cellphones at all.).

[zoom-zoom]

A few Christmases ago my MIL was newly dating her fiancee. She sat at the table reading and sending texts and giggling during the entire meal and the rest of the day (and for about the first year they were dating she would do this regardless of the setting, even in restaurants). It was unbecoming behavior for a woman in her 60s (were she my child I would have taken the phone away). It was around that time that she told us that she liked to text while driving and was getting really good at it. It was obvious that she thought we would find this to be funny...we didn't. And we told her that is we EVER caught wind of her doing that with our son in the car that we would never again allow him in her vehicle.

[shootingstar]

Wow, zoom zoom. Good thing you said what needed to be said about driving and texting.

Just flippin' scary...and she's not getting younger as a driver.

[Bike Chick]

We have a friend who will sit and text and piddle with their cellphone while we are having dinner in a restaurant or at our house then get upset if they are left out of a decision or important conversation. My tongue has bled many times. It is so rude. You wouldn't have a separate conversation at dinner with another person at the table so why would you converse with someone using a cell phone? If it's that important, excuse yourself from the table. I've often wanted to text this person myself when this is happening just to point out how rude it is but I haven't. I really think people get so wrapped up in their electronic devices, they don't think about how impolite it is. DH has even picked up his cell phone and checked messages when I am talking to him! I don't let that one slide.

[Crankin]

My phone stays in my bag, unless it is ringing. If I need to call someone or text (which is usually only for work), I excuse myself. Honestly, I would have to start searching the web or go on TE, to be holding my phone in my hand all of the time and looking at it. My friends also do not feel the need to be in contact all of the time, like this. I have one friend, who is kind of, well, not entirely OK both emotionally and cognitively. She started texting me all of the time a couple of years ago, when I never even turned on my cell phone. I was getting charged for all of these texts, so I had to tell her to stop. She also posts really dumb stuff on Facebook (like the fact she's away on vacation) and brags about her college aged son. She likes/makes a comment about anything I put on there, which is usually only things about my rides or other outdoor stuff, and she has no knowledge of any of these things. Then, she will call what I do "cute" or "sweet," which to me is what you say about a little kid. It really annoys me, to the point that I don't hardly put anything on FB.

[pll]

I have progressed towards being a luddite... When the first Treo appeared, I was the first in line to get one. I thought it was a time sink. And a money pitt: $70 per month in service, over $2500 over the contract period plus the cost of the device. Such amounts of money are better spent elsewhere: a new bike, a new bed, traveling.

Anyway, when I go out with friends, I often turn the cell phone off when I arrive at the meeting place. After all, I am there to meet with my friends.

I think tinkering with phones is a very bad habit. Doing it over a meal with friends or family is downright obnoxious. Don't get me started on people texting and walking like drunks on the street...

Crankin: FB has a great function to avoid seeing annoying/lame updates from acquaintances -- you can unsubscribe from their feeds. Either click and hold on their names to see the "subscribe" button; click on that button to limit what you see.. or go to their pages and click on "subscribe". I have one acquaintance who believes Sarah Palin walks on water, another who continually posts comments that imply complaints about everything, and some cousins that refused to be educated and to mature beyond 12 years of age... Not seeing their feeds when I log in is so much better!

[spindizzy]

People always seem to want to be where they're not. I personally find this behaviour appalling. My family hears my observations about this all of the time.

I once saw a couple going for walk. They both had their phones out, texting to ?. Not interacting with one another. I see parents in playgrounds, texting and talking on their phones, not interacting with their children. So many people are hunched over their electronic devices that I'm sure evolution will alter our upright posture to a hunched over one. It's like using the handicapped push button to open doors...people not using their arms in a full range of motion we'll be like T-Rex in a few millennia, teeny little useless arms...I digress- I'll stop the rant...

[Crankin]

OK, this is getting off topic. Pll, I know about that Facebook feature. It's actually not her original posts that bother me so much, but her reaction to my posts. When she comments on my rides, I'd like to say "why do you care, you told me you can't do what I do." This is a person who recently had knee surgery and went throughout her rehab all summer. She plays tennis and skis. Right before she had the surgery, she got some bug in her ear that she was going to walk her dog (all she ever does) while riding a bike. Instead of asking us for help, when another friend mentioned how helpful my DH had been to her when she bought a road bike, this person got angry and proceeded to get help from a neighbor who "just bought a bike off of Craig's list." Well, she did buy a Trek FX, which I told her was a good choice, but then I was shot down again when I told her I would be glad to help her learn the rules of the road, teach her to shift, etc. She again said, she would never do what I do, and she would only ride on the 2 streets in her neighborhood, after I said I would take her to the bike trail. So after her mean response to all my offers of help, I told her it was dangerous for her to walk her dog with a leash attached to her bike, especially, by her own admission, she had no bike skills, and had never ridden a bike with hand brakes or gears.
The bike is sitting in her garage.
She's a person that is constantly on her phone, texting, and posting stuff on FB, because she has nothing else to do.

[Irulan]

RE phone. We have a simple rule. No phones at the table, at home or when out.

[emily_in_nc]

OK, this is getting off topic. Pll, I know about that Facebook feature. It's actually not her original posts that bother me so much, but her reaction to my posts.

I recently read an article online about how you could set Facebook to not allow certain friends to comment on your posts. The Comment section just won't appear on their feed. Unfortunately, I can't recall how to do it, but if you google, you might be able to find it. That's one way to shut 'em up!

Back to the original topic of cell phones, wanna hear Luddite? We don't even have 'em here in Belize! We may eventually, for emergencies mostly, but for now, we're enjoying the freedom from the constant presence of the phone. We do have a land line in our condo.

[pll]

Crankin: your texting friend sounds like a nuisance. I think FB allows you to prevent certain people from commenting or even seeing your posts. It takes some work, but nobody should come into your virtual home and annoy you.

[Irulan]

Crankin: your texting friend sounds like a nuisance. I think FB allows you to prevent certain people from commenting or even seeing your posts. It takes some work, but nobody should come into your virtual home and annoy you.

There are some very good sites out there devoted to FB privacy and how to best use what they give you.
Facecrooks is one I refer to diligently.

[indysteel]

What I don't get--and this is only partly related to cell phones--is how many personal phone calls some people make and receive during the workday. When did it become the norm for everybody and their brother to chat throughout the day? Several people I work with spend half the day on the phone with their spouse, friends, children, etc. I very rarely make or receive personal calls during the day. It just seems like a lot of things can and should be discussed at home after work. To me, it's just another example of how self involved people have become.

[OakLeaf]

@Crankin, I don't think there's anything weird about her liking your posts even though she doesn't enjoy the activities herself. I "like" all kinds of things my FB friends post that are outside my personal experience. Photos of their paintings, links to reviews of their productions, descriptions of their quilting get-togethers, even though I neither paint nor act nor sew, e.g. I "like" that they're having fun, creating something, living the life they want.

[Becky]

There have always been self-involved, impulsive, rude people. Cell phones (and technology in general) are just another way to accomplish that behavior. Blame the person, not the item...

[shootingstar]

this is only partly related to cell phones--is how many personal phone calls some people make and receive during the workday. When did it become the norm for everybody and their brother to chat throughout the day? Several people I work with spend half the day on the phone with their spouse, friends, children, etc.

I could not function nor focus on a task at hand at work when alot of my work requires thinking, formulating words, etc. on the job. This why I don't want hardly any trivial personal phone calls comes through the day for the all the years I've worked.

Same for him. I know he and I would feel like the other person was "over parenting" the other person with trivial, nitpicking phone calls on planning, personal detail...except where we are going to meet after work.

A woman who sat in the car on our way to the restaurant, confessed she was tied to her cellpone. I said it was a different dynamic with my partner: no need. And I did say: I also don't have children...which in my mind is less of a reason for me to be glued to the phone/worry. I said there was no need for us to constantly consult what the other person was buying at the grocery store....etc. We just look into the fridge, make a judgement and if we buy an extra vegetable...big deal.

Actually when my partner's children were teens, he did not have a cell phone to monitor them. They took the subway on their own starting in their early teens, onward.


I understand partially the fascination to technology, since after all, I do use the computer alot at home after work. But for certain, the constant communication with loved ones over a cell phone, would drive me nuts. I was raised by parents who worried alot about us and were quite strict. Also I had alot of responsibilities as a first born child in a big family. So now as an adult, the whole idea of a cellphone and having people becoming overinvolved in my life, is a big turn-off.

I like to feel calmness and at peace without cellphone callers bugging me about trivial stuff. Fortunately he's like myself.

[Crankin]

Indy, I also don't get the need to be constantly tied in to my spouse and kids. What would DH and I talk about when we got home? I *never* call my sons during work time unless it is of utmost importance. I do Skype/IM (no video) my older son when he is at work, as he has it on all day for work purposes, maybe 1-2X a wk. We have some of our best conversations here, but mostly it's more of "be here at 7 on Friday." I see people on their phones in the store, like they can't figure out what food to buy without a phone call.
Oakleaf, I can see why it would be hard for you to understand why my friend's comments annoy me. There's an underlying meanness to a lot of the stuff she says. I know it's "irritability" from some kind of mood disorder, and I really need my space from her, but we have been friends for 20 years and I have distanced myself as much as I can. She is very judgmental because she feels horrible about herself, her DH has anger/verbal aggression/control issues, and her college aged son is an immature frat boy who had to be bailed out of jail for public drunkeness. Yet, she will say something back handed and snarky about one of my kids. Or, say "oh, family is so important to me, meaning it's not to me, because I don't see my dysfunctional relatives anymore and I don't talk to my dad every day. And there's lots of other stuff, too. But overall, it's like she constantly gives backhanded, even mean spirited comments to everyone because she can't see the big picture or remember stuff. Probably the most annoying thing, is that if something was a certain way, let's say 15 years ago, she thinks it's still that way. Like if in 1995, my 13 year old son did something weird, well, he still would be that way, even though he's a grown, married man.
You'd have to meet her to see it.

[emily_in_nc]

What I don't get--and this is only partly related to cell phones--is how many personal phone calls some people make and receive during the workday. When did it become the norm for everybody and their brother to chat throughout the day? Several people I work with spend half the day on the phone with their spouse, friends, children, etc. I very rarely make or receive personal calls during the day. It just seems like a lot of things can and should be discussed at home after work. To me, it's just another example of how self involved people have become.

Funny, in my office personal (and business, for that matter) calls went significantly out of fashion as email gradually took over. Internally we also used Yahoo IM a lot, to chat about work (and occasionally non-work stuff). Even my manager IM'd me often and hardly ever called. My co-workers and I had some serious laugh-fests when using the various funny animated emoticons and chatting back and forth. But you hardly every heard anyone's phone ringing or overheard personal phone calls in the last few years!

Of course, digital communications may be more prevalent in tech workplaces -- I was a software engineer (now retired).

[Irulan]

There are tons of ways to block people of facebook without unfriending them. There are great resources on the web on "how to". I get that maybe you don't want to unfriend them, but why listen to their crap? One of the big points of Facebook that people tend to ignore is that you have very good control over who sees what. You just have to take a little bit of time to figure it ou.

[Crankin]

I went and searched how to block someone from making comments on your posts. There is (was) a way, that seemed quite simple and straight forward, under privacy settings, but when I went to my settings, the interface did not look at all like what was described. I called DH over and he couldn't find what we needed, either.
I suspect that the instructions were written before the "new" look of Facebook.
Oh well, I will have to get better at ignoring.

[BikeDutchess]

If you don't want to "unfriend" them (which is of course the most effective way), then place them on your "Restricted" friend list. That way they can only see the posts and info that you make "Public" (if you ever do).

[eofelis]

It took me a long time to finally get a cell phone. Then I got a really cheap, simple pay as you go Tracfone. Used it for occasional brief calls and texts. I eventually passed that phone on to my SO, who uses it even less than I do. Last year I got a another Tracfone that had a few more features (camera and web, but I never have used them). I don't even carry the phone with me half the time. During the week I often leave it on my desk at work instead of taking it home. If I get a call from a number I don't recognize I don't answer it.

It's handy to have sometimes, but I'm not a phone yakker anyways.

What do people talk about when they are on their phones all day?

[Anelia]

I like to feel calmness and at peace without cellphone callers bugging me about trivial stuff. Fortunately he's like myself.
We feel the same way. DH had a colleague at his ex-workplace who was constantly talking for hours with hid wife. My husband said that if I had been like that he would have left me :D
I understand that sometimes people have to talk business and it's ok but small talk for many minutes on the phone drives me mad. Texting is very slow on my virtual keyboard so I don't like that either.
Well, I have been chatting with friends on the Internet since the early ages of the network and maybe this is weird for many people who prefer to go out for a drink. I explain it because I am not really talkative and very often people talk non-stop in my presence. I am a good listener and don't mind it but sometimes I need to express my thoughts too, so I prefer writing.

[spazzdog]

Though I love tech, I get really annoyed with the constant tethering to cell phones I observe... folks walking, driving, cycling, skateboarding, or even sitting next to the person they are texting.

One, in many cases it's dangerous and in many places illegal. Two, it's rude. Three, folks are losing the ability to verbally relate in social settings. Fourth, nobody seems to care.

I write a letter to someone - I get an email or text back "Hey, I got your letter!". I call someone and leave a message - IF I get a response, it's usually a text. I'm sorry, but there are certain conversations/plans that texting really misses the mark.

Bah! Part of me can't wait for the power grid to fail so I can watch people learn to write with a pencil on paper and learn social behavior in the real world.

spazz

[Pax]

My seven year old Razr phone bit the dust recently so my SO and I went out and got iphones. I take it to work and leave it on the edge of my desk, check it every couple of hours to see if she's texted me about something... then take it home and lay it in the desk. We don't even take them with us on the weekends when were together. I guess we don't "get" technology. :D

[channlluv]

I also don't understand people who walk around constantly talking into a cell phone, and I really don't get the earwhiggy-attachments. I don't want anything like that so close to my brain for more than a minute or two at a time, if ever.

I have an iPhone, too, and I check my email on it, and text with family and friends to confirm plans, but I don't often use the phone function. My mom will call me sometimes three or four times a day just to tell me something she forgot to tell me before...I shouldn't complain, but to be honest, I will sometimes turn my ringer off for a few days. She'll leave messages. Anyone who calls, if it's important, will leave a message. I rarely actually answer the phone. I do return messages, though not always in a timely manner.

I actually use the GPS/maps feature pretty often, but the most frequent app used is probably Scrabble. I don't use anywhere near the data minutes we're paying for, though. We should probably reevaluate our plan soon.

Roxy

[Reesha]

This thread inspired me! I have kind of a crappy basic phone, and I've been paying $86/mo for an unlimited plan I simply do not use. Beginning in January I will have 200 anytime minutes, 300 text messages and a $40/mo bill :)

[nscrbug]

This is a timely thread topic. My MIL has officially "canceled" Christmas (she also canceled Thanksgiving last month) this year because of a cellphone incident that occurred during Christmas last year. MIL has a house "rule"...absolutely NO cellphones during family holiday get-togethers. When my DH and I arrived at their house on Christmas Day last year, my SIL had her face buried in her iPhone texting...and this continued for the next 5 hours!!! I don't even think she saw her kids opening up their gifts, because she was too enthralled with texting or whatever it was she was doing her iPhone. This enraged my MIL so much, that the next day she informed all of us that she was canceling Christmas (and all other family holidays) from this point forward...because she didn't want to interrupt anyone's phonecalls. So because of my SIL's bad behavior last year, there will be no Christmas celebration at my inlaws ever again. Talk about one bad apple ruining it for everyone! :mad:

[indysteel]

Wow, Linda! That seems a tad extreme. Do you have any idea why MIL didn't just address this with your SIL?

Pardon the diversion from the topic, but I haven't read any updates of late about your sister. I sure hope she's doing okay. You are still very much in my thoughts and prayers.

[Irulan]

Wow, Linda! That seems a tad extreme. Do you have any idea why MIL didn't just address this with your SIL?


The whole thing sounds pretty dysfunctional.... but what family isn't to some degree, at holiday time?!

[SadieKate]

@Crankin, I don't think there's anything weird about her liking your posts even though she doesn't enjoy the activities herself. I "like" all kinds of things my FB friends post that are outside my personal experience. Photos of their paintings, links to reviews of their productions, descriptions of their quilting get-togethers, even though I neither paint nor act nor sew, e.g. I "like" that they're having fun, creating something, living the life they want.

Like.

:)

[SadieKate]

The whole thing sounds pretty dysfunctional.... but what family isn't to some degree, at holiday time?!

Isn't it a requirement?

[Irulan]

Isn't it a requirement?

Not necessarily. It's lovely when every one has grown enough to minimize dysfunction.

[Crankin]

Sadie Kate, did you see my response to Oak's comment?
I tried to explain her behavior and why her "liking" my comments is annoying. I am pretty sure that if any of you wise women of TE were around this person, you would feel the same way.
If I were the only person who felt this way, then it would be me who has the problem. But, I am not; in fact I have had people who don't know her well ask me if "she has issues" when they have seen her in public situations, like at volunteer meetings or social situations. My other close friend, who is not athletic at all has other things that this person makes comments about, like she is an expert about what you do, but she knows nothing, really.
I know this sounds mean, but if you all heard the way she speaks to me at times, you would get it. I just can't totally break the friendship.

[SadieKate]

No, I didn't but that doesn't change the fact that one can "like" the fact that someone you have friended on FB is enjoying their own life. There are plenty of activities I wouldn't spend two minutes on but I can appreciate others finding fulfillment.

I didn't really get the gist of your friend's problems but I tend not to read responses that don't have paragraph breaks. Makes me cranky and cross-eyed. :o

The FB setting that allows you to block specific people from seeing or responding to your posts is WONDERFUL! And FB doesn't tell them they've been blocked. I found it after consulting the Wise TE Woman Salsa.

[SadieKate]

OK, Crankin, I read through your posts about both your "friend" and the FB settings. It seems to me that you're letting her dictate how you interact with your true friends on FB and that you let her under your skin.

Either learn to truly ignore her (easier said than done) or figure out the FB setting. I finally figured it out and it's lovely. No longer do I have to listen to this person's idiocy nor have to put up with him angling for another visit where we not only do all the cooking and dishwashing, but also entertain his girlfriend while he skis. Bliss! :D

Take control.

[marni]

I have a cell phone which I know how to turn on and off, send a text on and listen to voice mail. The only people who have my number are my family and a few very close friends. The phone is primarily for me to use when I am out riding and have an emergency, or to call someone in the family briefly for the exchange of needed information. For me the telephone be it cell or otherwise, has been for my convenience. I have an answering machine and caller ID and so don't always answer. People who know me know that if they leave a brief and concise message including their name and telephone number I will call them back. Many of my friends know that I am rarely home, won't answer my cell phone so they will email me knowing that I don't access email until evening.

Yes occasionally some one gets a bit miffed at not being able to instantly get in touch with me, but again, I am mostly a happy hermit and what seems death or life urgent to others, rarely is, or if it is there is nothing I can do about it anyway since I really treasure my privacy.

just me being a grumpy old lady.

marni

[zoom-zoom]

The whole thing sounds pretty dysfunctional.... but what family isn't to some degree, at holiday time?!

I always thought my family was dysfunctional...now I know that mostly we're just loud and obnoxious. The only one who's really borderline dysfunctional is my baby sister, but she's becoming less of a PITA the older she gets (though she is still astoundingly immature for a woman going on 31). My DH's family has always put on airs of superiority, but WOW, what a flippin' mess that bunch is. They need extra closet space for all their skeletons.

With my family we drink during the holidays to have fun and share laughs. With my hubby's family I wish they'd drink more so they'd stop being so danged uptight! :p

[Lizzz]

Agreed, it's not the technology that makes life difficult, it's ourselves. Anyway, the cellphone has become an essential part of people's lives (personally and professionally) Of course, it also lends itself to be misused or overused by some people, but that's the case with every technological good - and of course the World Wide Web as well. But the statistics on internet usage in this overview (http://www.statista.com/markets/21/internet/) show that taken together - the people can profit from it - if they use it with reason.