ever feel guily for riding? (warning... sad post)

[caligurl]

sooooo do you? i have for the past couple of weeks... and even moreso the past few days.... as a matter of fact.... my mileage has dropped considerably...

why do i feel guilty? well... a few weeks ago it dawned on me that i was "ignoring" my dogs (along with housework and yardwork.. but that doesn't bother... they weren't getting the walkies they used to... hikes on the desert.... or even just having us home on the weekends with them... so they can know we are there while they sleep all day...

sooooooooooooooo i decided that next year i will NOT ride my bike 6 days a week.... i planned to still ride on weekends.. but not all day long both days... and limit workdays to tuesdays and thursdays for short rides... and get back into walking the dogs more.... or just laying around on the couch watching movies with them...

so they guilt was already in place... however... do not put off til tomorrow what you can do today.....

you see.... my what i thought one day was a healthy happy 6 year old darling baby boy samoyed... decided to stop eating... not alarming... he's always been finicky... however it continued and progressed to the point that NOTHING would entice him.... sadly... to make a long, sad story short.... after hospitilization, blood tests and ultrasounds, etc (all within the matter of a few, too quick days).... we found out he had stoicly (spelling) been hiding any symptons....

i had taken time off work to ride over the holidays.... i never in a million years dreamed that these days that i didn't end up riding... would be my last with my darling baby boy.....

one day between visiting him in the hospital in the morning and picking him up later to transport him to a differnt vet's office for his ultrasound... i rode.. and cried the whole time... (very short ride).... the other days i didn't ride at all.....then over the weekend (saturday afternoon) i forced myself to go ride since hubby was home with our other dog and 2 cats... and because i felt i had to get some "normalcy" into my day.... i only managed another very short ride.... but the whole time i was out i felt horrible.... guilty.... i couldn't wait to get home and be with brie (dog) and the cats).... sunday i didn't even ride.... just couldn't do it! i keep thinking about the time i "wasted" riding my bike and not spending it with my furbabies.....

hubby tries to tell me not to feel this way... but i can't help it......

thanx for listening.....

[AllezGirl]

Family vs. riding is always a problem for me. I'm a single mom and I have my son every weekend. (his Dad is off during the week, so he has him Wed., Thurs, and Friday) So, if I want to get any weekend ride time in, I have to leave him with friends. He doesn't seem to mind, but his dad just loves to throw it in my face. Like I don't feel guilty enough. I think he's just jealous that I actually have a life, and I'm sure he'd feel differently if the tables were turned.

[runnergirl]

Is your little guy gonna be ok? Do they have a diagnosis?

I can understand the guilt, but riding will make you feel better, and dogs can really pick up on mood. If riding gives you a lift your optimism will have a good effect on them.

I feel guilty for riding pretty frequently and leaving hubby home. He can't keep up with my group rides, so we ride together about twice a month. Plus he works in DC 4 days a week so I only see him Fri-Sun anyways, then I have a 2 hour ride Sat AM and a 4 hour ride Sunday. Race season is going to be really brutal, but he says he supports me riding 110%, so I make sure that what time I have with him quality time-not just co-existing time.

[SalsaMTB]

Awww...I'm so sorry about the pup.

I know exactly what you mean about guilt with riding. DH and I almost always ride together, which means the pup is home alone. We both feel a little guilty that we are out enjoying the fresh air while she is locked inside. She's a really lazy dog, but still enjoys a walk around the neighborhood and loves attention. We've had weekends where we decided not to ride because we felt like we were abandoning our dog. We now try to take her out for a walk after our rides.

[caligurl]

Is your little guy gonna be ok? Do they have a diagnosis?


no.... he's at rainbow bridge now..... it was his kidneys.. and there were no symptons (as is usual in the case of kidneys) until too late.... too much damage... we kept hoping and hoping it would be something else.... it was devastating to learn the truth.... i keep looking back... looking for signs... but other than finicky eating (which he's been a finicky eater from the day we brought him home back in 1999.... there were no signs.... until too late.... it was all too quick... he was too young and it was too unexpected....)

which is my biggest guilt of all... that i feel like i didn't spend enough time with him this last year.... i've now been smothering brie (dog) and bailey and jasmine (cats) to the point that they are probably thinking "leave us alone, mom!"

[jobob]

Sounds like you might need a bit of a break from riding. Kick back, and give yourself time to attend to all the things that have been weighing on you.

Sooner or later, hopefully, you'll have a clear(er) conscience and a renewed interest.

Like others have said, the hills (and the roads, and the trails) will still be there, they're not going anywhere. :)

Best of luck ! And sorry for your pup, that has to be hard. :(

- Jo.

[Nanci]

I'm sorry to hear about your dog. That (kidney failure) happened to a friend's cat- no sign at all until it was too late, and even then, he was just slightly off, just not eating as much as he ought to have been. They had time enough to try _everything_ and were still unable to save him. Don't blame yourself for not noticing. It is animals' survival technique to not appear ill, ever.

Nanci

[Trek420]

Dog vs rideing is always an issue for me. As a "single parent of a dog" I feel guilty spending time away from my pup. That's why a lot of my rideing is commute, longer rides are near here. I have an agreement with my ex, who orriginaly adopted said dog for dog care if I wanna get away. But I find I always miss her (the dog that is of course <vbg>). I'm actually considering some way like trailer that I could take Mae with on flatter rides.

Caligirl you wouldn't be a good pet owner if you didn't feel guilty being away from your dog. With so many pet owners I wonder why they got a dog in the first place just to keep it in the back yard. You took good care of your pup.

Enjoy your other fur-kids, they grieve for their friend too.

[Trekhawk]

Caligurl - sorry to hear about your dog. You should kick back and relax with your other babies. Riding will definitely be there for you later and you may find that after a little break life falls back into balance for you.

Take Care
Leslie

[sarahkonamojo]

So sorry to hear about your dog. It sounds like your dogs were/are safe and well cared for, and loved. Unfortunately, dogs don't communicate as well as we'd like. When you understood the situation, you did your best. Forgoing any rides probably would not have changed the outcome.

trying to balance all of our commitments is difficult. I definitely feel guilty if my dogs don't go out. They get shorter walks when I ride and longer walks when I don't. The best thing is to play with your dog for 10 minutes. For them that is real quality time.

Your dogs are most happy when you are happy. If you were resentful of the dogs taking time away from your rides that wouldn't be good either. Balance, balance.

Again, sorry for your loss,

SKM

[mary9761]

I'm so sorry to hear about your pup. I'm glad to know that you are aware of the rainbow bridge. A year before I started riding, my 14.5 year old male cat Smokey had to be put down. He'd gotten sick but then rallied for several months. He got to the point I he'd stopped eating even out of my hand and had taken to sleeping in the bathtub. With tears in my eyes one afternoon I went in and asked him if it was time? My husband and I walked a mile to the nearest vet and stayed with him till the end. I have 2 female fur babies now, but even now writing this, my throat tightens and my heart aches.

[aka_kim]

Cali, sorry for your loss. I think all our pets really want from us is to know that we love them (and get plenty of good food and treats too!). Despite whatever time you spent away from him, I'm sure your dog was a happy boy who knew he was loved. Like others said, take some time to heal and find balance.

[Selkie]

I'm so sorry about your loss. You gave him a wonderful life--he was lucky to have you for a mom :-)
I, too, get the guilts about coming home from work, letting the girls out & feeding them, then rushing off on my bike. I get "booboo" eyes from my three beautiful golden retrievers when they see one of my Dolces being prepared for a ride. Today, I was in a training course, so I got home about an hour later than usual. Decided not to ride, mainly because the girls had been home alone all day, except for 30 minutes playing with their doggy walker at lunch time. Of course, they are now waiting for Daddy to get home, ignoring me!!
Try not to feel guilty. Your baby knew you loved him. SKM has said it all so beautifully.

[bikerchick68]

Ah, Cali... I'm soooo sorry to hear this. I know how very much you love your babies...

just know that the guilt your feeling is a normal part of grieving. Doesn't make it any easier but it IS normal. You and the DH are GREAT pet owners. I have no doubt that your animals feel loved at all times, and taking time to do things you love does not make you any less of a wonderful pet owner.

Animals are very, very good at hiding illness... in the wild it's survival of the fittest, so they typically DON'T give any indication of an illness until it's already too late. I've been thru this same thing. My baby had fatty liver disease and was riddled with cancer... never knew it and couldn't tell until it was far too late to do anything.

Right now, take what time you need for you. Be with your pets if that's where you need to be. There is no guilt in not cycling and taking time off if that's what is best for you now. Hugs friend... I know how bad it hurts and how damn unfair it is...

[On_yer_left!]

Hey Caligirl, I'm so sorry for your loss. And I know how you feel. About a month and a half ago, I came back from vacation (had a friend housesitting the dog and two cats) and opened the door to find my pooch, a 14-year-old lab/shep mix, couldn't move. I took her to the vet and they found her stomach was full of blood, and she had cancer everywhere. I had to put her down that night. So I wasn't with her during her last week, and spent a huge portion of my time before that riding while she sat in the house by herself.

But the bottom line: "What ifs" are useless. Both our pooches had happy, healthy owners, and I think that made them happy dogs. If I wasn't out riding, I'd be slouching around the house, depressed and anxious -- not much fun to have around. Your dog had the company of your other pets, and I'm sure that was also a comfort for him. And there was nothing you could have done except love him, which you did.

I've since adopted two puppies and they are tearing up my house (probably at my old dog's cosmic direction). A week ago, I went for a three-hour ride, the first since before Niki died. When I came back, the 3-month old puppy peed directly in my shoe and then sat and stared at me.

Gotta love the karma.

[latelatebloomer]

Aw, hon, I am just so sorry. I'm glad you know about the rainbow bridge. When we had to have our shepherd Reba, put down, I felt like her spirit beat us back to the house. :o Your pup would lick your nose and laugh at your guilt - thank you for telling your story and reminding me to do a priorities check. I'm glad you have other animal friends to lean on. love, llb

[Jo-n-NY]

Hi Caligirl,

I am so sorry for your loss. I think most of us have some sort of guilt at one time or another. I know I do. There are just so many hours in the day and when you work full time there are just not many hours left to do what we enjoy most.

I think your ideas are good ones. Cut back a bit on cycling and spend a little more time with your furry little ones. I have to admit I envy all your threads of all the rides you do with your husband. With my husbands schedule we only ride together on Thursdays when I take a vacation day. So don't give it all up, just try to restructure a little and I am sure you will feel better and make everyone happy.

You are a good mom to your pets and I am sure they know that.

[Trek420]

What's real clear on this board is we've got a whole bunch of good Mom's here both to the fur-kids and the kid-kids :o

[wabisabi]

Oh, Caligirl, I just got back into town and saw your sad message.

I am so sorry for your loss. What others have said about dogs not showing illness is so true, and it is clear that you are a great dog-mom. I recently lost one also, and always felt torn between riding and walking them, and try to just work in shorter ones now and then with my remaining, older lab guy, sometimes in the am. before work, or even after dinner. It sounds like you are feeling a need to kind of reconnect with your four leggers, which makes sense, and you should definitely do that.

[LBTC]

Oh, Cali


{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

I've just asked my lovely Yogi to welcome your baby boy samoyed up there at RB and show him around....I'm sure they'll be getting along famously!

All that everyone has said is true true true. Guilt, yes, but don't let it eat you...make decisions, if you like, about how to do things differently....I think your ideas are good...

I made a couple of decisions myself when Yogi passed over, too....

I'll never have another lonely only....two dogs have more fun when I'm at work or whatever, than one....

and I'll always try to have my dog be a blood donor (unless it's ever too hard on my baby). 'Cuda has saved at least 2 doggie lives. yay for him!

In all of it, though, don't forget that you also have to take care of you. Maybe structure your rides differently, but don't spend too long away from riding. Take it from someone who has already been away from it too long....it's hard on your soul! Shower your babies with love, take good care of them, and take good care of you, too!

Yup, there are lots of good moms here. We all feel a little of your pain...

Hugs and Namaste,
~Teresa~

[mtbdarby]

((HUGS))) Hon,
I'm so sorry for your loss. We get such unconditional love from our furry friends that is so good for the soul. Your pooch new it was returned and had a good home, do what feels right for you now. Your bike will understand...

Can I ask what a rainbow bridge is?

[caligurl]

rainbow bridge is where all animals (pets) go when they.... well... you know...

Rainbow Bridge

Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.

When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge.
There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together.
There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by.
The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent; His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....

Author unknown...

[Lise]

Hi, Caligurl,

I can only repeat what everybody's said. Thanks for including the piece about Rainbow Bridge. My avatar here is a picture snapdragen found for me. It looks very much like Schatzi, our dachshund of 19 years, when I was growing up. Of all the beloved animals that will meet me when I move on from here, Schatzi will be the first to reach me, I'm sure.

Best wishes through the tears,

Lise

[caligurl]

thank you, everyone, for your kind words and telling me i shouldn't feel guilty (even though i still do... i realize i probably shouldn't....)

last night we took brie for a walk and she loved it! it was hard though cuz we are used to each of us having a dog... not just me.... then all three were hanging out watching tv with us last night! (i always loved when the 4 of them would be in the same room instead of spread all over the house!) brie always did follow us around the house "like a puppy dog".. but she seems to be doing it even more so..... and she's taken to laying (lying?) in tyler's favorite spots... i think she misses him, too! and she doesn't spend hardly any time outside (they LOVED being outside together in the cooler/cold weather! used to have to make them come in the house in the winter! now brie goes out... does her thing and is barking immediately to come back in! she never did like being outside alone.. always wanted tyler out there even if they were just sleeping in separate areas of the yard! but that's ok... i like her in the house laying (lying? which is the right use?) near me/us!)

i feel especially bad for brie cuz part of the reason we got tyler was as a companion for her... someone for her to play with! now she's back to being an only dog :( she is pretty self-centered... she's a very "me me me, dog! but that's her personality! :) she normally does good at entertanining herself... loves to get her stuffies or balls and play/kill them! but one sammy is just not enough! and we met and fell in love with tyler's "brother"... exact same breeding 1 year earlier... bonnie wouldn't let us have WIL at the time! lol! so when we found out she was breeding again... we were #1 on her list for a pet puppy... (we don't show) bonnie has the magic touch with dogs.. and tyler (as well as wil and all the rest of bonnie's dogs) was just the sweetest, most loving dog!!!!!

[LBTC]

Oh, Cali, I'm so glad you're already looking for a new companion for Brie!! And it's so wonderful you can find one with a link to your beloved Tyler. That's fabulous!

Our 'Cuda was so depressed when I came home without Yogi....he was like a different dog. In some ways it was a relief that he wasn't as assertive and self-centered, but I knew it was grief and we just couldn't let it continue....

Yogi passed on Dec 13, 2000. We picked up Diva from the breeder on Dec 23, 2000. They are such a great team together! Diva is much more the purebred nuerotic border collie, very obsessive, but beautiful in a way that passers-by stop to meet her. 'Cuda has become a total mama's boy. And when I'm home sick like today, almost nothing is better than having a power cuddling mama's boy curled up on the bed with me!!

Cali, the guils I felt over Yogi still comes and goes, but mostly I just remember the wonderful good times. I wish I'd been a better dog-mom when he was younger, wish I'd gotten a friend for him sooner (the cats have never really played with the dogs - not enough anyway), wish I'd been there when he passed over, but we can't change any of that. He was a wonderful companion. The best first dog a couple could have! He wouldn't leave the yard, he was everyone's friend, he loved to run and play and LOVED to go on rides with us. I'm so grateful that he spent his life here with us!!

One thing DH did, shortly after Yogi passed: well, we were apart for several days when it happened, so we each had lots of alone time to think.....ouch....anyway, it was such a sweet idea. He just wrote down all sorts of little things that were his memories of Yogi. Some of them were just one word, like "PUMPKINS!!" that will always remind us of the great little things that happened with him.

Lately, we've been sorting through 18 years of crap that we've accumulated, getting ready for a big move to another town, trying to pare down our belongings to a more manageable amount (that leaves more room for bikes and bike stuff), and we found that list. What a joy that was!! Very cool to come across it by accident that way!

I know this part is hard to talk about....what did you do with Tyler's remains? If you've had him cremated, I have some websites to direct you to. {{hugs}}

I think I may be rambling by now. I keep thinking about you, though, and hoping that you're doing well with your critters!

Namaste,
~Teresa~

[caligurl]

lbtc.... i think you misunderstood when i mentioned WIL.... he's already in a happy home.... after bonnie stopped showing him.. she wouldn't even tell us she was placing him til after he was placed cuz she knew how badly we would have wanted him... and she wanted him in an only dog situation.... however... i DO want to get another dog/puppy.. but not right now.... not sure when.... it took a year after kassie before i would consider another cat (then we ended up with two! lol!)

i plan to make a separate webpage memorial to tyler... just haven't been up to it.. maybe sometime over the next few days when i'm off work! i keep thinking things in my head that i want to remember to add... i made one for kassie (http://kittiekondo.desertsamoyeds.com/kasandra/memorial.html) and thought it came out really nice... but i also remember the tears shed when making it!

i also want to update his section (http://www.desertsamoyeds.com/tyler/tylerindex.html) of the dogs' (http://www.desertsamoyeds.com) webpage... it (along with brie's) is not too up-to-date!)

uhm.... yes... he is being cremated/has been.... we don't have him back yet, though.... that way he can always go with us if we ever move....

brie has ALWAYS been self-centered! when we had to leave tyler in the hospital... i got the impression she didn't care that he wasn't there... i may be wrong.. however... friday.. .when we came home... we both just sat on the floor in the living room and she was sniffing us (as were the cats) and she was whining..... not quite a doggie cry... but not anything she usually does... so i'm sure she realized/realizes what happened.. and because she does lay/lie in his spots occasionally.. i think.. in her own way.. she misses him! and i'm sure she'd love a puppy... as long as we paid attention to HER!

she (and the cats) are getting a lot of extra attention.... possibly too much (at least for the cats)...

[makbike]

Caligurl -

I know exactly what you are going through. I found out today that my buddy of 11 1/2 years has cancer in his lungs and his spleen. I basically knew this was coming given the vet removed a growth back in January 2005 that came back as melanoma. It is just as aggressive in animals as it is in humans so I knew it was just a matter of time before the cancer spread. Even though I knew it was coming did not make it was very hard to hear the diagnosis today and realize the end is quite near. I know, from working in an animal clinic, that he has just a few weeks left on this planet and I will have to make the decision to let him cross the rainbow bridge in the very near future. It is never an easy decision as you know but it is in reality a pet owner's final act of love to keep their beloved pet from suffering. Quality of life is so much more important than quantity, IMO.

Take time to grieve, cherish your memories and when you heart is ready to accept a new addition it will scream at you. Your bike will be waiting for you when you are ready to climb back on it, don't push yourself for you need to let your heart and soul heal; take your time and take care of yourself.

[Yasmin]

Sorry to hear about your loss caligirl. I don't have human children so my pets are my babies. Just 'cause they're a different species makes no difference when it comes to losing a member of the family.
4 weeks ago we lost one of our cats. Got bitten by an Eastern Brown snake (2nd deadliest in the world). The cats have a cat enclosure & the snake came into this. I wasn't out riding that time, but I was in the computer room. I felt guilty about that. The thing is, no matter how hard we try to protect our loved ones, s..t happens. As others have said, dogs & cats etc do not react the same as us when unwell. You loved your dog & your dog would have known this. You can't be with a pet or a person 100% of the time.
Try not to be too harsh on yourself. Your dog had a way better life than many on this planet. Let that thought comfort you. Take care.

[mary9761]

It's been a year and a half since Smokey crossed over the Rainbow Bridge. I was so glad to know where to look for the poem when we came home from the vet's office. As I held him in my arms rocking him in the blanket we'd wrapped him in. I sat and pulled up the poem. Just before they gave him his injection to ease his suffering, I looked at him and said I'd meet him at the Rainbow Bridge. I'm misting up even now. Give your babies plenty of love and assure them they will see their brother at the Bridge as well when the time comes. :(
I finally found the perfect marker for Smokey's grave in the back yard. I'd been looking for either a garden marker of a cat in repose or something with a black cat and at Halloween this year I found a decoration of a cat on a pedestal that looks like the concrete markers.

[Pax]

Oh Cali, I'm so sorry about your pup.