Food choice defensive

[westtexas]

I was just wondering from you guys - have you ever had others questions your food choices and you felt kind of defensive about it? Certainly ever is entitled to eat whatever they want to eat, no matter how good/bad it may be for you/them, but when people say things about your personal diet does it upset you?

I recently went Paleo (except definitely not low carb on cycling days) because I found out I have celiac disease (10+ years of digestive disturbances gone in about a month!) and have dairy intolerance as well (even goat's milk). I don't try and push this diet on anyone, it's how I choose to eat now. And even though I feel GREAT and I want to share with everyone, I try to talk about it very little, except when people offer me things I used to eat heartily and I now decline and they wonder why.

But recently at a staff meeting, I made gluten/dairy free cupcakes - vanilla with vanilla frosting and little pockets of vanilla custard inside and topped with toasted almonds. I thought they were really good. But they all made faces and complained for the entire week about how gross my diet is and how can I eat that and what am I doing? And for some reason, I was actually wounded by this and it really put a damper on my whole week. And I used to go out with these people after work sometimes and I don't think they are inviting me on the next night out because it'll be too hard to find something I can eat (which isn't true, I can almost always find something at a restaurant - even italian!). I feel really bummed out by this.

So I was just wondering, any of you been in the same situation? What did you do? I'm not going back (first time I haven't had heartburn daily in 10 years!) and I LOVE the way I eat now (bacon everyday, anyone?). But I really need something nice to say to them when they get all closed-minded on me and I just want them to go away.

Thanks.

[Becky]

All the time, but on the opposite end of the spectrum. I have Type 1 diabetes, and the whole world thinks that my food choices are their business. IME, there's no good way to handle it. I vascilate between, "thanks for your concern, but I'm doing great" and "Who says I can't eat this?", depending on my patience level and the individual involved. It's especially irksome when the comments are founded in misunderstanding (you can't have that cookie!") or someone else's circumstances ("My cousin with diabetes eats Chinese food all the time- why don't you?").

In your situation, I think that all you can do is sow the idea that you do have lots of options for food choices, including eating out. Maybe say something like, "I know that it doesn't work for everyone, but I feel great!" with a big smile...?

((((westtexas))) I'm happy that you're feel so much better on your new diet, but I'm sorry that people are being mean about it.

[Biciclista]

YOU have to be tough. Of course it felt personal. IT WAS. but don't share your stuff with other people unless you know them to be open minded.
Over the years I have done a few different dietary things, but I mostly keep it quiet. the only thing i'm not quiet about is that i don't eat donuts!

[shootingstar]

But recently at a staff meeting, I made gluten/dairy free cupcakes - vanilla with vanilla frosting and little pockets of vanilla custard inside and topped with toasted almonds. I thought they were really good. But they all made faces and complained for the entire week about how gross my diet is and how can I eat that and what am I doing? And for some reason, I was actually wounded by this and it really put a damper on my whole week. And I used to go out with these people after work sometimes and I don't think they are inviting me on the next night out because it'll be too hard to find something I can eat (which isn't true, I can almost always find something at a restaurant - even italian!). I feel really bummed out by this.

I think that's really rude of them. And unbelievable that they are adults. Their behaviour is ...like children.

Like Mimi said, I do agree you have be tough but not explain yourself constantly about the food you eat/serve.

I've had people tell me that they don't like Chinese food, that it's slimy, fattening, blah, blah.

This is what I say to them and then I switch the subject: "You have no idea. Home cooked Chinese cooking is healthy and there are dishes that never make to the restaurant menus. You just have to know what to order in a Chinese restaurant...not just the typical stuff."

Of course, if I'm not a living example of healthy diet..then I dunno how else I can convince people. :rolleyes:

C'est la vie.

[KnottedYet]

Also a celiacker.

Also lactose intolerant.

Also mostly paleo.

Let's go out for dinner!
I don't make gf stuff for anyone unless it's something heavy duty like brownies (Cravings Place brownie mix is awesome) because otherwise gf tastes weird to other folks. I'll bring deviled eggs or salami roll-ups or something else that never had grain in it in the first place.

If I have to explain my food choices, I say I've got celiac disease. If they don't know what celiac is, I explain it as "I get sick if I eat certain kinds of grain products." (It is not worth getting into a debate with well-meaning folks over spelt, triticale, einnkorn, etc etc etc...) Generally if I don't make a big deal out of it, neither do they. And, like you, going out to eat I can always find something, so eating out really isn't an issue.

Here's the recipe for salami roll-ups. If you are still at the casein-sensitive phase in your celiac recovery, you may want to hold off on these for another year or so. But it you are just lactose intolerant now, these are right up your alley! (though not really paleo, and certainly not healthful!)

Salami Roll-ups

package of sliced salami
cream cheese
some stinky cheese (like blue)
smoked almonds

Mix the stinky cheese and the cream cheese. Spread a thin layer over a piece of salami, covering one surface. Place one line of almonds end-to-end down the center of the salami. Roll the salami slice like a tortilla. Skewer with a toothpick.

Stuffed mushroom caps go over well at work, too. Easier to make than deviled eggs, and you can get really creative with the stuffing. Here's my basic super-fast three ingredient recipe.

Stuffed Mushroom Caps

fresh mushrooms
cream cheese
frozen cooked salad shrimp

Wash and stem mushrooms. Fill each cap with a dab of cream cheese. Rinse the shrimp with cold water to thaw them. Top each dab of cream cheese with a couple shrimps.

Any recipe you find for toppings for crackers or cute little finger foods can pretty much be made using mushrooms instead of crackers or bread rounds.

[ny biker]

Do the people at your staff meeting know why you've changed your diet? If they do, and they still carried on that way, then they're just a-holes. If they don't know, then it might help to explain it to one or two of them that you're closest to, and to include in your explanation that you're able to find something to eat in pretty much any restaurant you go to.

There will always be people who are unable to empathize with your situation and think you're weird or annoying because of your diet. Some of them won't have the good sense or manners to keep their mouths shut. Avoid them if you can. If you can't, shut them down by changing the subject. If they're really rude, just say "wow" and leave the room.

[Atlas]

I know exactly how you feel but from the most opposite food choices. I'm vegan and I never hear the end of it when I bring food. But it only becomes an issue if people know it's vegan/gf/whatever makes it 'different'. I just stopped mentioning it and people all the sudden thought everything was great. Everyone has preconceived notions about things, even food. I might mention something about it now after they've eaten it and passed their opinion based on flavor.

In your case I wouldn't make anything for them ever again, they obviously can't appreciate trying delicious new things.

[GLC1968]

Yep - I can totally relate for almost the exact same reason. I too am paleo (have been since August) and I'm loving it. LOVING it. I kind of have an additional challenge in that I'm not celiac. In fact, I had zero digestive issues (outside of heartburn) before switching, so people tend to question my motives a LOT.

I find it extremely frustrating when people honestly ask me about what I eat and why, and then they feel the need to be extremely judgmental and sanctimonious about whole grains and beans! It blows my mind that I don't judge them for eating them, what gives them the right to judge me for NOT eating them? Oy.

Luckily, my friends understand. It's the random coworker or stranger that upsets me. In those situations, I just do a lot of smiling and nodding. It's not a whole lot different from the situation where I'm on a diet and everyone else is eating birthday cake except that paleo is MUCH easier to stick to! I'm kind of used to being judged (or weird) for what I eat, so I've learned to let it roll off my shoulders pretty easily.

I'm sorry to hear about your co-workers though. That's really, really tough. And honeslty, I'm amazed that they didn't like those cupcakes! Those are from the "Make it Paleo" cookbook, right? They look incredible! I haven't tried them, but we did make the lemon poppyseed ones and they were delicious!

I'll be bringing one or two paleo pies for Thanksgiving at a friends house, so I will be curious to see what they think of them. WE love our paleo baking, but I don't know how others will feel about it. We both tried a bite of a regular brownie at Panera yesterday and we could barely tolerate it (my husband is paleo too). It was incredibly sweet!! I used to LOVE indulging in those brownies, but now I don't think I'd eat one if you paid me. I guess my tastebuds have REALLY changed. :confused:

[Aggie_Ama]

I don't try to judge others food choices. We have a co-worker with a gluten allergy, she will make gf cookies and bring them to work. I always try one. They taste different but not bad. The only time I talk to her about her food choice is if I notice something she is missing has added gf options. I went to a burger place (she said this is one that is hard because her 9 year old loves burgers) and I saw they do gf. Her son loved the place and she loved the burger. Otherwise I may just ask if I am going to lunch if they have something gf she would like.

Everyone constantly asks my husband (Cat 1 racer and a crohn's patient) about his diet. "You can eat that?" When he slims down for race season they start asking if he is sick. It does wear on him.

[Owlie]

I think you just get used to less sugar. ;) I still cannot fathom how my mom drinks her tea with no sugar in it. (And she leaves the bag in the whole time!)

I have the opposite problem. I have eczema (badly, sometimes), and people always tell me that I should cut out dairy, wheat, and so on. Except that it has nothing to do with diet--it's almost entirely stress-related. I can go on a bike ride and it's significantly better the next day. So no, I'm not cutting anything out of my diet--the only thing it would accomplish is making me very unhappy. (I love cheese.)

Those cupcakes sound really good! (I have a friend from college who's celiac, and his mom used to supply our dorm-group with GF baked goods. You couldn't tell. I wonder what her secret was.)

[westtexas]

Thanks all for the encouraging words. I feel a little better about it already. I love to eat and I love to share what I make (food is love in my household) and it's hard how they reacted. I am glad to see that I am not alone in this too. My mom has also started Paleo and she's been a huge support for me (she's not celiac though).

GLC - yes, they are from the Make It Paleo book. I've made a ton of recipes from there and I am never disappointed. I made the Smoked Paprika Chicken Thighs last night and I thought I had died and gone to heaven. So good. I also have Paleo Comfort Foods which is great, especially their side dishes.

And as far as the sugar thing - I think that was part of it too. I had a bit of dark chocolate last night and the 70% was too sweet. 80% is about right. I didn't think that your sensitivity to sugar would change, but things I used to find not sweet enough are overly sweet to me now. It's why I snack on cherry tomatoes and find them as sweet as some fruits.

Thanks again everyone, I sincerely, truly, from the bottom of my heart appreciate your words.

[Owlie]

I made the Smoked Paprika Chicken Thighs last night and I thought I had died and gone to heaven. So good. I also have Paleo Comfort Foods which is great, especially their side dishes.



That sounds fantastic. Drools.

[GLC1968]

I made the Smoked Paprika Chicken Thighs last night and I thought I had died and gone to heaven. So good.

Oooh, so good to know! I just bought chicken thighs this weekend, so I'll try it this week. Thanks!

I also have Paleo Comfort foods and I like it, but I hate how none of the recipes give you serving quantity. I mean, I don't care from a tracking perspective, but I do like to know how much of something I'm going to end up with so I can plan leftovers!

Everyday Paleo also has some great recipes in it too, even though it's not purely a cookbook.

[indysteel]

That sounds fantastic. Drools.

+1. Would you mind sharing the recipe, Westtexas.

I don't have much to add. It just seems like a lot of people are intolerant and insensitive. And everybody's an expert. I imagine that, in time, the novelty dill wear off and they'll stop bugging you. The important thing is that you 're feeling better.

[Crankin]

I've had people question my eating choices pretty much my whole adult life. It's not that I eat any special diet, it's just that I eat healthily! No junk food, no fast food, no donuts. In New England, if you don't eat donuts, it's like a sin. Really, I eat a balanced, healthy diet, including meat and wine. The only thing I've cut down on is carbs, as I get older.
I even had people question my friends to see if I was anorexic when I was in my 30s and very thin just from exercising. One friend in AZ just about laughed the questioner off by saying I went out to Swensens to eat ice cream with her, at least once a week, which was true.
People also question me about my exercise habits, too. They think I'm crazy and they keep complaining about their bodies.

[Melalvai]

This is a topic I've grown curious about recently. Other people's food choices seem to generate so much defensiveness and antagonism in us. What we eat is about so much more than fuel and nutrition. It defines us as a group. Like the clothes we wear, the words we say, the language we speak, our entertainment. So when someone tries to break away from that it's like you're wearing your jeans around your knees and you just got a bunch of tattoos and piercings. You thought you were just selecting different food, but everyone acts like you're making a statement, like you're trying to break away.

[gnat23]

"More cupcakes for me, then! HA!"

-- gnat! (seriously, if they don't want cupcakes, they don't have to eat cupcakes, but I believe coworkers should only complain about food if someone has microwaved stinky fish leftovers)

[westtexas]

This is a topic I've grown curious about recently. Other people's food choices seem to generate so much defensiveness and antagonism in us. What we eat is about so much more than fuel and nutrition. It defines us as a group. Like the clothes we wear, the words we say, the language we speak, our entertainment. So when someone tries to break away from that it's like you're wearing your jeans around your knees and you just got a bunch of tattoos and piercings. You thought you were just selecting different food, but everyone acts like you're making a statement, like you're trying to break away.

It's true. I'm just doing something better for me, for my health, and you guys are right - it's none of their business unless I want to tell them about it. And yet they treat me like I've got some kind of weird "problem". Apparently you're not a normal human being if you don't eat flour or dairy. Nutrition has always fascinated me - first in my patients, now in my own body - and it's surprising to see the social aspects of it, both good and bad, first hand. It's tough too when there are only 11 people in your entire workplace.

And, for those of you who want to try it:

Smoked Paprika Chicken Thighs (modified for how I made it):

Ingredients:
8 bone-in, skin on, organic chicken thighs
2 tsp smoked paprika (McCormick's makes a nice one)
2 tsp garlic powder
2 tsp ground cumin
1/2 tsp cayenne pepper
2 tbsp red palm oil (virgin, unrefined, from Africa. I got mine at http://www.tropicaltraditions.com/red_palm_oil.htm and it came in about a week)
Salt and pepper to taste

Process:
1. Preheat oven to 425˚F
2. Rinse chicken thighs, pat dry with a paper towel, and place in a large ziploc bag.
3. in a small mixing bowl, combine spices & red palm oil (the oil is solid at room temp, so I found that if you stuck the mix in the microwave for about 30 seconds, it melted enough to make a liquid spice mix)
4. Pour seasoning over chicken, seal bag, and toss until chicken is fully coated.
5. Place chicken thighs on a broiling pan and sprinkle with salt and pepper (skin side up). For this, I used my cast iron skillet on the middle oven rack and it worked perfectly.
6. Bake at 425˚F for 40-45 minutes.

I paired the thighs with this recipe:

Oven roasted Okra:

Ingredients:
1 pound okra (whole), washed
1/4 cup olive oil
2 tablespoons cumin
1 tsp salt
1 tsp black pepper
1/4 tsp cayenne pepper

Process:
1. Preheat oven to 400˚F (I used the 425 oven from the chicken thighs just fine)
2. Toss okra in olive oil to coat and place on to a sheet pan in a single layer
3. Combine all dry spices and sprinkle over okra, mixing well (after making this, I think the oil + okra + spices in a ziploc would work better)
4. Bake for 5-7 minutes then turn over onto the other side, cooking for another 3-5 minutes (took 5 minutes on each side in my 425 oven)

[westtexas]

"More cupcakes for me, then! HA!"

-- gnat! (seriously, if they don't want cupcakes, they don't have to eat cupcakes, but I believe coworkers should only complain about food if someone has microwaved stinky fish leftovers)

This is actually what I did. I took the rest home, microwaved them to warm up the custard center and put fresh strawberries on them. YUM.

[shootingstar]

What we eat is about so much more than fuel and nutrition. It defines us as a group. Like the clothes we wear, the words we say, the language we speak, our entertainment. So when someone tries to break away from that it's like you're wearing your jeans around your knees

It should be just treated as fuel and nutrition which it is if one is cycling more than 100 km. and just needs nutrition and drink/water! :)

Well, you get the picture. While eating Chinese food, is just another type of cuisine for some folks...to me, some of the dishes I prepare is like comfort, cultural / family memories that isn't pure Chinese food all the time, but an intersection of Chinese food and Canadian experience: how my mother adapted local ingredients with her spin when in the 1960's, Asian ingredients in small Ontario cities were very rare.

Most likely when she dies, some of her dishes which I prepare casually without any recipe (it's all passed down by me watching her) will have some greater meaning.

For people who criticize Chinese food which has become salty, oily in some restaurants (some places have smartened up and gotten back to basics.), I will tell them: the foundation of my good health, my weight... I credit to my mother's style of cooking where she skimmed off the fat, reduced use of salt and oil, etc.

Of course, there's the other stuff, lovely desserts acquired from knowing dearie's German cooking background/childhood.... :rolleyes:

If a person has medical condition that they tell me, of a strong allergic reaction to a food, then I will pay attention. Today I was talking to a Indonesian co-bakery owner here in town and told him that several nieces and nephews were allergic to nuts...enough that they end up in the hospital. It came up because it is something all bakers must consider now. Of course Indonesian cuisine use peanut...

They're looking into making a gluten-free cream puff...but it's tough. They might abandon this effort and offer a totally different product for customers wanting gluten-free desserts at catered functions.

[marni]

of course the classic (Merci ma mere) response whenever anyone asks or says anything like that is to look at them, deeply and sincerely and sweetly ask "whatever would make you ask (say) that?" Makes them responsible for their question, comment. One of my mothers
other ittle ditties was" the wise old owl was a funny bird, the less he spoke the more he heard, the more he heard, the more he knew, now I think that's a wise old owl, don't you?"

just sayin

marni

[VeganBikeChick]

I'm also vegan, Atlas. Funnily enough, my family gives me the hardest time - not coworkers or friends. They call all my food "weird sh**", "weird" being things like quinoa and soymilk. However, my dad is currently in end stage renal disease due to his poor diet choices. Every single one of his siblings (9!) has diabetes, and 3 of his brothers, plus him, have all had open heart surgery. I'll pass, thanks.

Don't let the naysayers get to you, wt. I'd have loved one of your cupcakes :).

[shootingstar]

Every single one of his siblings (9!) has diabetes, and 3 of his brothers, plus him, have all had open heart surgery.

Scary.:(

[Dannielle]

I can absolutely relate. The way I eat is considered odd, even extreme, by most people I interact with. It's awkward at times. I don't mind answering questions (the way I eat has completely changed my life...I used to be 200lbs overweight and was dealt with a host of autoimmune issues which are now gone) but it gets weird when someone brings it up then gets defensive when I answer their questions. I have to always choose my words very carefully to be clear that by responding to questions about how I eat I am not implying anyone else should do the same.

I am gluten-free (probably celiac with the autoimmune tie-ins but it's unconfirmed) and sugar-free...nearly 100% grain-free. I lean toward paleo eating but have recently reintroduced legumes in moderation as well-sourced meat is outside my budget these days. I guess you could say I'm either paleo or nearly-vegan depending on my grocery budget.

Holidays are weird for me because I don't have that desire to indulge anymore. It's more about health than taste for me now...and my tastes have changed and I truly enjoy my vegetable-based meals. It creates a weird dynamic when one person is snacking on veggies and hummus while everyone else is having what they call a "cheat" day. I'm already dreading Thanksgiving... And, yes, it's my family that leaves me feeling judged/mocked. My friends all respect my choices even if they find them a little odd. :)

[GLC1968]

The family thing is weird, isn't it? When I was visiting my parents last month, they both handled it really differently. My father was clearly interested but he's like me and will want to research the crap out of anything before passing judgement. I actually left one of my paleo books with him. He's also a lot like me in his tendency to choose his words carefully to avoid the impression that he's passing judgement, so we had quite a few really good conversations about it.

My mom, on the other hand was quick to jump in and 'defend' her choices as if mine reflected on hers. And boy, did she get accusatory about everything! She was reciting all the things her doctors had told her about how eating high cholesterol food will kill you and that you MUST eat whole grains (except for my father for whom whole grains are off limits for kidney stone reasons)! It was crazy. Then, the weird part, is that she wanted to cook for me, so I said that was fine as long as she used olive oil exclusively (I wasn't going to force her to use something she doesn't already keep on hand). I refrained from grains or legumes but ate whatever else she prepared. Most of our meals were like the meals of my childhood (steak/chicken/fish with veggies and salad). I just skipped the french bread and she didn't make any of the pasta dishes. And yet, she still kept telling me how 'strange' my diet was! Huh?

But I'm used to avoiding opinionated topics of discussion with her anyway, so it wasn't too big of a deal. ;)

I do dread the day I'm going to have to explain all this to my overly opinionated brother. I don't think it will be pleasant at all. I'm going to be counting on my sister-in-law to help defend me since she's much more open-minded about stuff like this.

[shootingstar]

Just yesterday, one work colleague voluntarily told me that for him drinking milk causes eczema.

But chocolate milk doesn't. It must be the placebo effect. :D

[7rider]

I'm also vegan, Atlas. Funnily enough, my family gives me the hardest time - not coworkers or friends. They call all my food "weird sh**", "weird" being things like quinoa and soymilk.

I have a friend who gives me grief because I'm NOT vegan.

[Catrin]

I have a friend who gives me grief because I'm NOT vegan.


Yep, I've had this happen as well. For some reason many of us appear to view different diet preferences from our own as a form of personal judgement. It makes no sense, and personally, I really like Marni's approach and will have to remember that.

Westtexas, the cupcakes sound quite yummy and I wish you were closer to me :) The chicken thigh recipe looks yummy and I am going to have to try it!

[westtexas]

Catrin - I definitely recommend it!

I was talking to my mom today about the Thanksgiving menu and suggested we prepare the roasted okra because it is so good. But she's very worried that my grandmother won't like it. And all I could think was, who cares? She can just choose not to eat it, just I will choose not to eat the bread and the pie. It seems like there is such a strong cultural/familial need to please everyone through the food we make and eat. I imagine that is where the hard feelings come from and why we feel attacked when others judge our diets. So glad we are all entitled to our own food choices.

[grey]

Vegan here, but not too strict - if at a friends or - for Turkey Day - I'll have something with egg or cheese in it, but very, very little. No meat, which means everyone looks at my Thanksgiving plate with no turkey or stuffing or ham or baked beans (bacon in them) like I'm from another planet. Or they feel insulted. Or feel they have to comment at how I eat so little. I LOVE food, and LOVE to eat - but I also won't give my body a big meal of things it isn't used to and feel sick for a week.

Sometimes that's the hardest part. Sometimes people don't get it - even after explaining that things you ate six years ago were technically making you sick - explaining that your arthritis is gone, the endometriosis symptoms are gone, you have no 2:00 fatigue and tons of energy. Even so, some people will push. My mother kept trying to force chicken on me even 2 months ago until my brother explained that if I ate chicken NOW, my body would likely reject it.

I feel so much healthier when I am all-vegan, and people LOVE my cooking. I just don't point out that it was vegan until after they have raved about it. I take photos of my food and post them on facebook, friends and family say it looks like I eat at a 5-star restaurant every night - but I don't think they all pick up on the fact that all of it is vegan!

The other night I roasted root veggies, turned them so they browned on two sides (daikon, rutabaga, sweet potato, carrot & butternut squash), served with roasted garlic soup and toasted garlic-sage bread. We gorged ourselves.

I think your coworkers were incredibly rude and nasty. Even if I didn't like something someone had made, I would NEVER say anything! Your dish sounded fabulous, and like a lot of work. Shame on them - but it also shows you what they usually eat is probably not healthy. Even more shameful if they seem to think you can't join them out to dinner anymore.

[ny biker]

I often skip the turkey at Thanksgiving. There are just other foods I prefer to fill my plate with. No one in my family seems to notice.

I really can't think of a time when someone in my family harshed on someone else because of their diet. We don't generally talk about special diets, either. If someone is making changes for health reasons and they want to talk about it, it's just a normal discussion, maybe with expressions of sympathy if the person is unhappy that they can no longer have some of their favorite foods, but otherwise, it just is what it is.

I have a good friend who will stick her finger in her mouth and make gagging sounds if I mention food that I like but that she thinks is gross. Nonetheless I don't say anything when we're meeting for lunch and she orders something that I find revolting. Hell, I'm not the one eating it.

[jessmarimba]

I get tired of paleo-preachers. I have nothing against the diet, but we really have limited evidence of its historic accuracy (and I say this as a former archaeologist). A lot of paleo followers are worse than religious fanatics in their absolute belief in the diet. My sister is one of them and it drives me up the wall. If I don't berate her for eating beef and bacon 4 times a day, I expect to be left alone about my preferences for beer, pasta and granola. I'm glad she's lost a lot of weight on her diet but what I'm eating isn't exactly making me fat, either. I don't have inflammation issues, I don't have skin problems, I don't have chronic fatigue, or whatever else gluten is supposed to cause in non-celiac people. Just let me eat in peace.

[Owlie]

I get tired of paleo-preachers. I have nothing against the diet, but we really have limited evidence of its historic accuracy (and I say this as a former archaeologist). A lot of paleo followers are worse than religious fanatics in their absolute belief in the diet. My sister is one of them and it drives me up the wall. If I don't berate her for eating beef and bacon 4 times a day, I expect to be left alone about my preferences for beer, pasta and granola. I'm glad she's lost a lot of weight on her diet but what I'm eating isn't exactly making me fat, either. I don't have inflammation issues, I don't have skin problems, I don't have chronic fatigue, or whatever else gluten is supposed to cause in non-celiac people. Just let me eat in peace.

This. If it works for you, great! I'll just keep eating what I'm eating.
which isn't all that much at the moment...

I'm an "everything in moderation, including moderation" person.

[westtexas]

i'm an "everything in moderation, including moderation" person.

+1 :)

[Catrin]

Owlie - I hope you are feeling better soon!

[Susan]

Also all the time:( I try to eat 'clean' and people don't understand that I mean all the time, not just here and there. (Oh come on, it won't hurt you just this once...) Well, it will hurt me if I do it once. I guarantee it will. And I have specific reasons why I eat 'clean' and don't cheat that I don't share on open forums. PM is fine, and I've done that a lot. Anyway.

When I eat, I consider it an opportunity to become more healthy. Why screw with that? I like homemade whole grain pitas with raw almond butter and raw honey. (Just made myself hungry).

What I find is that people try to force me to eat garbage, like it's a deprivation if I don't have it. And it's a personal affront to them when I refuse. But there are some things I just don't consider edible; I don't want them and don't enjoy them either.

Oh I can relate to that very much. I'm very frustrated about people trying to force garbage down my throat "just this one time" EVERY TIME we see each other. In fact, it has become a reason for me to visit my family less often, because "just this one time" on two days each week is just too much.
And if DH and I should refuse they make such fuss about it, I can't decide if it's worse to eat the garbage or hear their lamenting if I don't.
:mad:

[shootingstar]

Maybe one way around dealing with family members who nearly force/wheedle unhealthy food that you don't like, is to do the reverse compliment:

Ask that they make a dish that you do LOVE/enjoy. That's how I dealt with my mother piling on tons of food for me whenever I visited her. I didn't want her to spend more money preparing food care pkgs., when I was earning an income myself.

So I pointed out a few favourites, foods that I don't prepare myself but they are my mother's specialty and I enjoy eating it later/or there at their home.

This tactic might not work if a family member eats too many different types of unhealthy food. Fortunately it's not the case for us, there is choice. :)

[Susan Otcenas]

I was just wondering from you guys - have you ever had others questions your food choices and you felt kind of defensive about it? Certainly ever is entitled to eat whatever they want to eat, no matter how good/bad it may be for you/them, but when people say things about your personal diet does it upset you?


You thought you were just selecting different food, but everyone acts like you're making a statement, like you're trying to break away.

OK, so I'm just going to put this out there as something for folks to think about.... (Keep in mind that I follow a pretty restrictive diet too, so I understand how hard it is when someone questions your/my choices)... but hasn't anyone but me noticed that the word "garbage" has come up several times already in this thread?

"What I find is that people try to force me to eat garbage...."
"I'm very frustrated about people trying to force garbage down my throat..."

So, it seems to me that on one hand people are complaining that they don't like that people are being judgmental about their restrictive food choices, but at the same time are being quite judgmental about the food choice of other people.

You may not be *using* words like "garbage" when talking to other people about your/their food choices, but we speak with more than words.

Incidentally, this isn't directed at anyone in particular, so my apologies to those of you I've quoted here. Again, like I said, I have my own set of food restrictions that lots of people don't "get", so I'm sympathetic to the notion that people might be judging me for my choices as well.

[bmccasland]

I try to eat healthy, honest, but am a closet junk food junkie. :p

I think some people "got religion of diet." They've been SAVED, and therefore thinks everyone else needs to hear the good word, often. :rolleyes:

[jessmarimba]

I try to eat healthy, honest, but am a closet junk food junkie. :p

I think some people "got religion of diet." They've been SAVED, and therefore thinks everyone else needs to hear the good word, often. :rolleyes:

Ya know, that's a very apt description. Probably why it irks me at the same level.

And I'm a junk-food junkie myself. Not regularly, but it's the novelty that gets me. If I'm in a town with a Hardees (so rare in my radius of work) you can bet I'm going to have a cinnamon raisin biscuit for breakfast! Same for Dunkin Donuts, etc.

[GLC1968]

I think some people "got religion of diet." They've been SAVED, and therefore thinks everyone else needs to hear the good word, often. :rolleyes:

I think this is true. And it sucks for those of us who might be following the same type of diet but without the same evangelical bent. I swear that it's gotten much easier for me if I don't even mention the word 'paleo'. That seems to set people immediately on the defensive. If I just say that I'm avoiding grains (the most bizarre part of the diet), I do have explain/defend my choice, but at least it doesn't get testy.

But I can't help but wonder what gives people the right to always ask 'why'? I mean, if I say I'm not eating nuts or not eating dairy or not eating red meat, no one questions it. Say you aren't eating grains and it's a guarantee that every single time, you'll get a 'but WHY?!'. I find it very interesting and it's making me rethink how I interact with people, too. I'm sure that 6 months ago, I would have been asking 'why' just like the next person! Now I'm trying to be more aware of my conversations on all fronts (not just about my diet, but about others' as well).

[Veronica]

I totally p!ssed off my trainer because I went on a Welch's fruit snack binge last week. She doesn't understand why anyone who works as hard as I do would want to essentially pour sugar down her throat. Those things are like a drug for me. I ate so many I thought I was going to barf - seriously.

Veronica

PS GLC those cookbooks you mentioned are in my wishlist at Amazon. I have no desire to "be paleo" but I miss my winter cooking (chicken pot pie, mac & cheese, creamy soups!) and I'm hoping I'll find some healthier alternatives in there. :D

[GLC1968]

Welches fruit snacks? Are those like fruit roll-ups or dried fruit things? That's a pretty funny thing to binge on, you know!

So far, all of the books have proven to be worth having. They aren't always the best cookbooks (weird directions, no serving sizes, photos that don't match the recipes, etc), but the recipes themselves are all turning out really good.

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but there are zero recipes for mac and cheese. That's probably the one food that could, in no way, EVER be made paleo. ;) Chicken pot pie, creamy soups, lots of winter squash recipes, and a great chili recipe are included though. :)

[Veronica]

Welches fruit snacks? Are those like fruit roll-ups or dried fruit things? That's a pretty funny thing to binge on, you know!

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but there are zero recipes for mac and cheese. That's probably the one food that could, in no way, EVER be made paleo. ;) Chicken pot pie, creamy soups, lots of winter squash recipes, and a great chili recipe are included though. :)

They're like gummy bears but with 100% of your vitamin c for the day. It's a good thing you can't overload on vitamin c. :D

Yeah, I figured probably no mac and cheese. :rolleyes: If no one in my family gets the books for me for Christmas, I'll get them after the holidays. I use to do so much cooking and baking... all tasty, none of it really healthy.

Veronica

[Selkie]

I think some people "got religion of diet." They've been SAVED, and therefore thinks everyone else needs to hear the good word, often. :rolleyes:

At work, there is this group of paleo adherents/crossfit fanatics who preach to everyone else about proper diet (of course, all of them are self-taught nutrition "experts" who will lecture on glycemic levels, etc).

I don't believe in diets. Was raised in a bland meals, no-junk-food-allowed household, after school treat was an orange in our house. My mom was truly before her time in terms of insisting on good eating habits, albeit on a budget. On special occasions and holidays, she could really do it up well (she was an extremely talented cook and baker---her pie crust was the best---never used a recipe). We really looked forward to and appreciated the holidays and celebrations. Since she died, I haven't been able to have a traditional Thanksgiving meal. Nothing could ever compare to her turkey, stuffing, homemade gravy, mashed potatoes, pumpkin pie, and yes, even the jello salad (lime with a canned pear preserved in it, sitting on a bed of iceberg lettuce).

This is probably why I can happily live on yogurt and cereal. :) Don't eat meat except fish.

[shootingstar]

When hosting pot-luck meals involving friends /other family members, I haven't told anyone what NOT to bring. So whatever healthy/unhealthy stuff they bring, I let them. I don't like being controlling in terms of what food is complementary, etc. As long as we don't up with too much of potato chips or potato salads from multiple folks.

However for serious allergies where a guest would land in the hospital, I would tell invitees, not to bring the "danger" food for the allergic sensitive person(s).

It's just alot easier as a host not to deal with the possibility of any emergency situation at dinner.

[Melalvai]

but hasn't anyone but me noticed that the word "garbage" has come up several times already in this thread?

"What I find is that people try to force me to eat garbage...."
"I'm very frustrated about people trying to force garbage down my throat..."

So, it seems to me that on one hand people are complaining that they don't like that people are being judgmental about their restrictive food choices, but at the same time are being quite judgmental about the food choice of other people.
That's a very good point. Maybe we are rebelling against our culture, secretly eating healthy food instead of tattoos & piercings. I'm sure a few decades ago it was pretty radical to quit smoking.

[GLC1968]

At work, there is this group of paleo adherents/crossfit fanatics who preach to everyone else about proper diet (of course, all of them are self-taught nutrition "experts" who will lecture on glycemic levels, etc).


See - it's people like this that make it hard for the rest of us! I'm really torn on the paleo/crossfit combination. I hate that the crossfit fanatics have taken up paleo as their cry because I find them super annoying myself. And a lot of them are spouting misinformation, which doesn't help the 'cause' at all. Plus, it's not like they invented the concept at all...the idea of eating based on what our paleolithic ancestors ate has been around for decades. Crossfitters used to be all into the Zone diet...so what happened to cause the change?

But, I can't help but be thankful for some of the hoopla because it's these people who are putting out the cookbooks that I'm having so much fun with!

Selkie - I have learned to agree with you. I don't believe in 'diets' anymore either (in terms of a temporary change). Temporary is good for testing food allergies or for certain medical conditions, but when it comes to weight loss or health, only permanent change works.

[ny biker]

I don't know what Crossfit is, and I'd never heard of a paleo diet until recently when I read about it on this forum.

I gave up discussing diets with people back when Atkins became popular. Too many people thought it was the best thing ever because they'd lost so much weight. Of course they admitted that they had gained it all back and more when they went back to eating "normally," but that didn't stop them from singing its praises. It made no sense to me. And then I read that many people had bad problems with constipation when they first started the diet, and that just seemed like a deal breaker to me. But if someone wanted to insist that eating a stick of butter and a pile of bacon for dinner was better for them than eating bread, I saw no point in arguing.

[Susan]

OK, so I'm just going to put this out there as something for folks to think about.... (Keep in mind that I follow a pretty restrictive diet too, so I understand how hard it is when someone questions your/my choices)... but hasn't anyone but me noticed that the word "garbage" has come up several times already in this thread?

"What I find is that people try to force me to eat garbage...."
"I'm very frustrated about people trying to force garbage down my throat..."

So, it seems to me that on one hand people are complaining that they don't like that people are being judgmental about their restrictive food choices, but at the same time are being quite judgmental about the food choice of other people.

You may not be *using* words like "garbage" when talking to other people about your/their food choices, but we speak with more than words.


I see the truth in those words, but don't really know how to react appropriately so that people don't get offended by my food-choices and still stay true to my own beliefs.
I don't follow a special diet (nothing that has a name) I just try to eat as healthy as possible to the best of my knowledge (most of the time). I don't "preach" to other people about my eating habits if they don't ask about it.
Unfortunately there are a lot of foodchoices out there that are unhealthy for all that I know, and I don't want to eat them if I can avoid them. If you for instance just try to avoid artificial colour and flavourings, most processed foods are not a choice anymore.

I started out as very unhealthy, very overweight person. There may be people who aren't as affected by unhealthy choices, so they don't have to deal with those problems, but my body obviously can't get away with it. If I eat unhealthy and too much on two days a week (family weekends), I struggle to stay at a normal weight. My whole family is overweight and diabetic (type II), so obviously they can't get away with it either. I'm not sure if this is judgmental, maybe it's just true that a lot of the things we are sold by the food industry IS garbage and makes us sick, or at least some of us who have to choose if they want to be healthy or loved by their families ;)

[azfiddle]

Interesting discussion. It's almost like religion or politics for some people. A few meandering thoughts...

I have been on Weightwatchers again for the last 2 1/2 years. My "base diet" is pretty healthy with a lot of fruits, veggies, lean meat and whole grains, but I am definitely not on the paleo track. Luckily I don't have any allergies or other problems. And I am prone to give in to sweets- almost never tempted by salty/greasy snacks, but give in to chocolate, cookies and weird things like saltwater taffy...

That said, at home, it is never a problem to figure out good choices and exercise portion control (if I am not straying from staying on the WW program). However, when I first got back on WW, the band I was in was traveling to a number of out of town gigs. One of the guys, who usually did the driving, was inclined to stop for pizza, hamburgers etc, or visit Circle K for a coke, chocolate milk or a Hershey bar. It's really hard to find something healthy / WW friendly at McDonalds and Circle K! But I couldn't really rock the boat and complain too much- there was already a fair amount of tension under the surface for other reasons, and he's an alpha male kind of guy. And I would get definitely get "vibed" by the other woman in the band for discussing food choices! The sad thing is, the guy I was describing is overweight and on medication for type 2 diabetes, and gets almost no exercise :(

In an interesting turn of events, the other man in the band moved to a completely raw food diet. That initially struck me as extreme- sometimes it's hard not to be hypocritical! After he shared his reasons, that he felt much less tired etc, that was pretty much the end of it. He would bring his own food with him for most of the trips, and rarely eat in a restaurant unless it was a salad bar. But when we were staying in private homes, our hosts would often be quite disconcerted in trying to figure out what he would eat.

One last thought- I think it is really a challenge for people to visualize or accept other people's food choices when they are really different from their own. They can't imagine giving up the foods they love, substituting new foods for what they are familiar with, or just finding enough to eat if they can't have ____________. When my DH experimented with a modified paleo diet, I was frustrated because I didn't want to shift my diet to accommodate him. It irritated me because it seemed like it was more expensive to keep buying him all that meat, avocados, nuts etc, and planning meals that we could both enjoy was challenging. I also could not really see the logic that determined which foods were okay or not. In the end, he started losing weight (which he didn't need to do) and could not get enough carbs to support his running and cycling activities, even when he supplemented with non-paleo foods before big events. So he's moved away from the paleo diet.

[lauraelmore1033]

Food is such a big part of our identities--cultural, spiritual,ideological-- that it is not so surprising for people to be extra sensitive to differences in diets and that various groups tend to be as judgemental about the food choices of others as they are about all the big moral issues. That said, my husband,who tends to identify with certain conservative, fundamentalist groups (and, by that token, oppose most others) delights in eating my now famous non dairy, egg free pumpkin cheesecake, but refuses to touch the brownies I regretfully labeled as vegan
(even though you seriously cannot tell...). Tricky things, those labels...

[lph]

I think most people don't really think or care much about what other people eat when they're alone or with their families, but it becomes an issue when we share food. Food is so closely connected to hospitality. Over here you can scarcely have a visitor, even a total stranger, in for more than a few minutes without offering him or her at the very least a cup of coffee.
And a lot of what people would call "garbage" (I do too, but affectionately :)) is what other people consider the best they can offer. It's not supposed to be ultra-healthy, it's supposed to taste good, and the more luxurious and packed with cream, butter and sugar the "better" the host is. Gently pushing people to eat more is also considered polite.

It's not only when hosting a visitor, sharing food in any way is a way of connecting. I would be a bit disappointed if I invited a friend out to share a coffee and a gorgeous hot cinnamon roll or something with me, and all she wanted was an apple. Because I would have wanted to share the experience of eating something I really like. I would have no right to question or sneer at her diet choice, though. Just pointing out some of the reasons why people do react with their own feelings to other peoples diets.