What would you do differently?

[Jen12]

If you could go back and do anything differently, knowing what you know now, what would it be? And I know all of us have a laundry list full of these things, right?

Me, I'd not get into credit card trouble in my early twenties that took me almost a decade to crawl out of, and I'd have followed my heart and finished teacher training about ten years ago instead of taking other people's career advice, because now that I have the education done, there are no jobs in the education field!

[Norse]

I would have followed my first love and become a vet instead of going to law school. I also would have been less concerned with being in steady relationships when I was younger and explored more. That said though, every path I have chosen and every turn in life has led me to where I am today, including having the love and companionship of my wonderful DP of 15+ years, and I would not go back and trade my life today for anything.

[indysteel]

I would have moved away from Indiana as soon as possible instead of going to college and law school here and then staying on after gradutation. Now that I'm 15 years out, with an established career, a home and husband with his own professional attachment to Indiana....well, it's just not as easy to leave. Not impossible; just not easy.

Oh, and I wouldn't have become a lawyer.

[Pax]

I would have waited another 30 seconds before going up that ladder.

[redrhodie]

I wouldn't have written everything down in that diary.

[OakLeaf]

I wouldn't have gotten involved with that one guy...

[Becky]

I would have moved away from the right coast or, at a minimum, back to PA while I still could. I would have planned my education better and earned a second (concurrent) undergraduate degree in geology. In hindsight, an extra ~year of school would have paid huge dividends.

[westtexas]

I think I would have waited longer and looked at more options before signing a contract at my first job post vet school.

[shootingstar]

Spent more time understanding 1 of my sisters but she did led me to believe that things were fine --at least it appeared to me 80% of the time. But then I have been living in a different province, oblivious to alot of family stuff.

She is no longer alive..she committed suicide. (I mentioned this already months ago.)

I still believe this: your siblings can be your friends..for life.

[malkin]

....Knowing what I know now????

This game isn't worth the candle.

[Owlie]

I probably would not have taken that year off after undergrad. And maybe have dropped the triple major and just done biochemistry and have been done in three years. I also would have tried enjoying college instead of locking myself in my room and studying all day.

[Koronin]

I would have taken the geography class for a grade instead of credit/no credit. I was taking 3 other hard classes that quarter 2 classes in my first major (telecommunications, IE: broadcasting) and 1 in my 2nd major (history). I needed this one as a SS course for the history major. I didn't know it was going to be so frelling easy. I did not study or anything and got an A for that class. Yes it still bugs me to this day.

[ASammy1]

I would have gone away to college and not gone to the commuter school.

[VeganBikeChick]

1. Wouldn't have cared what others thought and kept dating the guy from high school who turned out to be an incredible human being.

2. Would have gone to community college, not a 4-year university, to save all that $$ and not have tons of loans later...

3. Would have saved the $$ I made from my first jobs instead of spending it like it was going out of fashion.

4. Wouldn't worry so much what others think.

[Melalvai]

Would have been nicer & more patient with my husband and daughter. Luckily they are nicer than me and more patient with me, and late is better than never.

I almost said, wouldn't have gotten a PhD, would have gone into a different field entirely, wouldn't have spent 12 years of my life at a college I disliked, would have picked an undergrad college based on my career goals...but if I'd done that I wouldn't have met my husband, and I'd probably have made other mistakes or unlucky choices. Who knows if it really would have turned out better.

[grey]

I would have stayed in Boca one more year, gotten a job at a grocery store and studied MA full time, like I wanted to - instead of listening to others tell me that if I took a year off I'd never go to college.
Otherwise, I'd change nothing. Everything else is experience, and that's invaluable.

[jelee1311]

I think I'd change very little about my life,good or bad the experiences have made me who I am today. I wish I would have volunteered more,flossed more,not worried about what other people thought about me so much,and sang out loud more. These are things I do todayand a lot of them I owe to my fantastic DD and DH who have given me the love to come into my own. I love the fact that there is so much more I want to and will do with my life, so I don't have time for regrets.

[amwm]

I'd have NEVER married my first husband and I would have divorced him 3-4 years earlier. Since my sons are adopted, I couldv'e been married to anyone to have them in my life.
Except for that, I've really enjoyed my life so far!

[jusdooit]

I think I'd change very little about my life,good or bad the experiences have made me who I am today.

Very little. I could say a different career choice, but what I do now is what inspires me to do something else, not sure that would have happened otherwise. Thankfully I figured out in my late 20's that I am the only person who has to live with every decision I make for the rest of my life, kinda kept me from really caring what anyone else thought.

[macski]

I would have gone on the working holiday that I'd planned when I was at university (work here in Australia for two years after university, then travel and work in Canada for two years). Instead, I gave up the idea because I met and married a man who turned out not to be my soulmate. Oh, and I wouldn't have stayed in teaching so long (or at all, really).

But, like others on here, I'm philosophical about my mistakes and paths not taken - the path you do take is the one that makes you who you are. I'm pretty happy with my life and am now with my soulmate (just a little later than I would have liked).

[Pax]

I would have gone on the working holiday that I'd planned when I was at university (work here in Australia for two years after university, then travel and work in Canada for two years). Instead, I gave up the idea because I met and married a man who turned out not to be my soulmate. Oh, and I wouldn't have stayed in teaching so long (or at all, really).

But, like others on here, I'm philosophical about my mistakes and paths not taken - the path you do take is the one that makes you who you are. I'm pretty happy with my life and am now with my soulmate (just a little later than I would have liked).

Agreed. I posted I would have waited thirty more seconds before going up that ladder; it cost me my career as a firefighter, 30 more seconds and I wouldn't have been in the path of that flashover, wouldn't have had endless knee surgeries to try and repair the damage...and I wouldn't have met my beloved and had the opportunity to spend the last 21 years together. Guess it all balances out the way it's supposed to.

[tytbody]

i just wish I was stronger in my own mind instead of listening to others who said I would not make much money in doing what I wanted to do. Who gives a flying leap about whether you make x amount of dollars. Your happiness is more important.

[Crankin]

My life is really good. But, if I knew then, what I knew now, I would have never stayed with the guy that became DH #1, which would have then meant I never would have gone to 4 colleges, and I never would have broken up with the person I should have stayed with.
Oh, and I never would have wasted that time in the doctoral program I never finished, anyway.

[roadie gal]

I like the person that I am now and wonder if changing something would have made me a different person. The things I'd like to change have more to do with my family - I'd like to make my father not a sociopath - things I couldn't change, than anything to do with my own life.

Job-wise I think I would have been happier going into the Coast Guard rather than being a doctor. But I'm looking from the outside, so who knows?

[limewave]

I wish I would have gotten help for my depression when I was 14 instead of waiting until I was 25. It is not normal to be sad all of the time.

[Mama Coosa]

I would have taken a year off between high school and college.

[tytbody]

I would have taken a year off between high school and college.

Smart choice. More need to do this.

[Roadtrip]

I've had some negative stuff happen throughout my life.


Alcoholic step-father.
Mother who was verbally and physically abused by step-father.
Suicidal mother, whome I found with loaded shotgun and at 11 years old I took the gun from her hands.
Step father hit me, I again took the gun away from my mother before she used it on the passed out step-father.
Mother wanted divorce, years after separating, took me along as protection with loaded 45 under my jacket as she met him to discuss-- was all I could do to stand there facing him again, knowing I had the power to end him rght there. He lit a joint and told my mom she still had a nice a$$, never knowing how much I hated him.
Overcame being an introverted (ok, I'm still a little shy/introverted) youth and was the first in my family to earn a college degree, meeting my DH, and becoming who I am today. Letting go of all the hate in my heart and moving forward Instead of looking back allows me to live a good life that I enjoy very munch.


Would I change anything?!?!

[indysteel]

((((Roadtrip)))). As a child of dysfunctional and abusive parents (who had their own even more dysfunctional and abusive parents), I feel for you.

[tytbody]

and no one knows what we have had to live through. Does it ever ever stop?

[Irulan]

I
Would I change anything?!?!

Sometimes it takes knowing we went through crap to get us into recovery.


<generic "you" lest someone think I am singling anyone out>

I think the better question is, have you moved forward and healed? Or do you still identify yourself by what happened to you?

You CAN'T change what happened to you. But you can change your attitude and approach to life. You can look at what happened and decide to do things differently. You can break the cycle. You can toss out the tools your parents gave you and rebuild a better tool kit.

[maillotpois]

Would have been nicer & more patient with my husband and daughter. Luckily they are nicer than me and more patient with me, and late is better than never.


This one for me. To the word.

As for the rest - sure there have been plenty of bad decisions and unhappy times throughout my life. There have also been a lot of things in my life that haven't been great but have been outside my control (mentally ill mother - seems like a somewhat common theme here), but I don't think that falls under a "what I would do differently" assessment. In any event, all of the not so good has (1) made me appreciate the good times interspersed throughout and (2) led me to a place where I am really pretty darned happy right now and I don't know if I would have changed anything because all of it worked to lead me here.

Even the career choices - like several of you I was a pretty unhappy lawyer for, oh about 16 years. I went through two times where I tried to quit and do something completely different (med school and non profit administration). But I stuck with law, and was able to use the years of experience I earned in a particular area of law to work myself out of an unhappy firm partnership and out of the sort of work I was doing into something much more rewarding for me.

Maybe I wouldn't have eaten that chocolate bar last night. :rolleyes: I mean, what is it really doing for me today, except helping give me some extra weight to carry uphill in my next double century. :D

[Veronica]

Nothing - everything has led me to this particular place and I'm pretty happy with it. :)

Veronica

[indysteel]

Sometimes it takes knowing we went through crap to get us into recovery.


<generic "you" lest someone think I am singling anyone out>

I think the better question is, have you moved forward and healed? Or do you still identify yourself by what happened to you?

You CAN'T change what happened to you. But you can change your attitude and approach to life. You can look at what happened and decide to do things differently. You can break the cycle. You can toss out the tools your parents gave you and rebuild a better tool kit.

Yep. It takes work, but it's well worth it. I wish I had a different family of origin, but I'm quite happy with my family of choice. And me. I like me.

[Roadtrip]

And me. I like me.

Amen sister!!

[Crankin]

I am very happy for my family origin. Not perfect, but, really good models for being parents. My mom should have been born in my generation...
And I really wouldn't change anything about my life now. The things I mentioned earlier, well, it's all in hindsight. I made a stupid decision at age 18, but I knew it was a stupid decision when I was doing it. It was so long ago, it doesn't matter. I've reconnected with the person who I dumped, and we both ended up having great lives. Funny, he was the perfect athlete, popular, brilliant. I was not the athlete, was smart, but nothing special in the place I grew up, and while I was popular, I didn't have guys pining over me.
Guess who's the athlete now and who has had back surgery and needs a knee replacement, while getting vicarious thrills by following Boston sports teams from afar?
I don't regret my teaching career. I wish I had had the guts to do something a little different, but I became a very good educator and it gave me strength. The time was right to switch, though and do what I was told not to do when I was a sophomore in college, because "you'll never get a job."

[Zippinalong]

Unfortunately there are so many things I would change. My life path has been difficult and frustrating. If I could start over again I would.

[solobiker]

I thought about this for a little while and came up with the conclusion that I would not change anything. Yes...I did go through some rough times and have made poor decisions in the past and I am sure I will make more. However, it has made me who I am today and I would not change that. Life is a growing and learning experience. I feel like if I don't learn something new daily then I am cheating myself out of new expereinces even if they are not the most enjoyable. You never know unless you try. IMHO:)

[bluebug32]

I would have started biking much sooner! Imagine how fast I could be by now...

[Trek420]

Me, I'd not get into credit card trouble in my early twenties that took me almost a decade to crawl out of ....

Oh gosh, where do I begin.

First no regrets, I am very happy about who and where I am.

I finally have no credit card debt. I paid off a little over 20k in about a year and a fraction. It was tough, it was hard, I want to thank all the little people who helped and advised including Knott and Suze Orman :rolleyes: but it's done and ovah and will never ever happen again.


and I'd have followed my heart ....

When I got into art school the dean counseled me on major. He said there were no jobs in illustration "you might as well major in design because that's where you'll end up anyway." Desktop publishing which was just beginning to take hold as I started to get jobs. The bottom dropped out of the market when so many could pop in a CD and "I are an art director, I know Quark" :p

If I'd followed my heart and drawn there is no tutorial CD for "hey, I can draw" :rolleyes:

I worked my way through art school as a souse chef. It was tough but I loved studying art during the day, painting with food at night. I'd just gotten my first "real job" as an assistant art director (which turned out to be the job and boss from he}}) when A.N asked me to come work for her at an eatery she was opening, Bridges in Danville. If you've seen Mrs Doubtfire that's the place where she performs the Heimlich on the guy. Anyway I turned her down.

Who knows where I'd be cooking now or even teaching as she does.

My biggest regret is never completing my degree .... yet. My sister and I calculated hours spent and effort to my 3rd degree black belt in Aikido and it is like a Phd. But I stopped school just shy of my bachelors. I'm collecting certifications like they're matchbooks and when life calms down will go back to school. I don't care if I'm 70 with a masters, I want one .... or several.

Oh, and past relationships if my ex is reading this brphhhht :rolleyes:

But all this got me here and I'm happy.

[badger]

I've seen this thread grow over the past few days, and I have to admit I hadn't participated because I honestly have nothing major that I would have done differently. Yes, I had regrets after my dog died of me having yelled at him when I was so stressed over his elder care, but I still wouldn't have changed in having him.

I could have chosen a different major, but I still don't know what I want to be, so I suspect I would still be just as clueless.

But, tonight I did something really stupid that I do wish I had done differently. I took every care possible to make a zucchini cake with this lovely zucchini my co-worker gave me. The wonderful smells filled my apartment and my mouth was watering. It looked beautiful. I cut into it and put some butter and sank my teeth into it.

It was strangely salty, and I was thinking how strange that oil that I used to coat the pan would be salty. But then every time I chewed it got saltier...I put salt instead of sugar!! I had three little bags of what I thought were bulk-bought sugar, but one of them was salt. Since I only use sea salt from a box it never occurred to me that I would have bought salt in bulk.

I truly wish I had tasted it when I had a fleeting thought that one part of sugar looked finer than the rest. So, my estimate is I had about 1/2 cup of salt in it...

Way to ruin a good zucchini bread :(

[Bike Chick]

I wish I hadn't been such a doormat with my first husband, I wish I had finished college, I wish I hadn't married my second husband so soon, I wish I had started riding bikes and doing triathlons when I was 20 years younger, I wish, I wish, I wish.........The road I've traveled has been pretty bumpy but it's brought me right where I am today and that's a good place. I'm happy and content and you can't ask for more than that.

There are some days that I wish I had the body I had when I was 23 with the knowledge I have at 53. Boy, would I have some fun!

[newfsmith]

The only things I would change, would be the things that are impossible to change: the mine wouldn't have collapsed on my brother. But it did and it has shaped my entire life. It has not destroyed it, it did cut off some options, at the same time it helped me face the reality of life and death. That lead me to change some of my priorities away from achievement to focus more on relationships. On the other hand, if I could have my brother back, I could deal with being a more shallow person.

[shootingstar]

The only things I would change, would be the things that are impossible to change: the mine wouldn't have collapsed on my brother. But it did and it has shaped my entire life. It has not destroyed it, it did cut off some options, at the same time it helped me face the reality of life and death. That lead me to change some of my priorities away from achievement to focus more on relationships. On the other hand, if I could have my brother back, I could deal with being a more shallow person.

I don't about you, but when my sister was alive, it feels like the whole time period was a dream...not so long ago.

But even now, it feels almost dream-like because the people left and who still love one another.

It is a long ride that once taking a road, I can ride back, but things look different in an opposite direction than arriving.

[macski]

there are some days that i wish i had the body i had when i was 23 with the knowledge i have at 53. Boy, would i have some fun!

lol

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