Yelled at by moron and now discouraged

[greyfeather]

Hi everyone.

The other day, I stopped at a stop sign, signaled, and took my turn (as a car would) to take a right. There's quite a steep hill after the turn, but it's short, and I did what I always do -- kept in the middle of the lane so I'd be visible and powered up the hill.

Suddenly the driver behind me lay on the horn like all hell has broken loose, and hollered out of the window in a jeering tone of voice, "You better get out of the way, lady, or you're gonna get hit!" Scared, I wobbled a bit and looked at her. She was a middle-aged woman in a giant faux-sporty SUV. She then accelerated and passed me on the right, which nearly pushed me over the yellow line.

What was the rush? There was a line of traffic waiting at a red light less than 100 feet up the road. Furious now, I yelled back, "Bikes are vehicles! It's the law!" I kept riding, the light changed, and continued across the intersection. She pounded on the horn again, yelled again, "Get out of the way!" to which I yelled back, "Stop lecturing me and drive!" She passed, and the encounter was over. For her, anyway.

For about 6 weeks I've been working to get back in shape to do my commute to work (lots of hills) and this week I've finally been able to do it. Most of my route is on low-volume roads, and I'm always very careful and obey traffic rules just like I do when I'm driving a car.

But now I don't even want to ride. I keep hearing that nasty tone of voice in my head, and keep feeling embarrassed that I engaged with such a scumbag, and just generally find my sense of pleasure and accomplishment totally spoiled.

Any ideas on how to feel better about this and do better next time?

[Biciclista]

please think of the 250 other drivers you encountered that same day. There are nasty jerks every where. But they are the tiniest minority! Don't let one creep spoil your life. Get back on your bike and smile and wave at every driver you can!!

And if you see her again, get her license plate number and report her for harassment!

[KnottedYet]

It's going to happen every week.

There is always someone, always a jerk who refuses to pass when it's clear or insists on passing when it isn't. Always someone who will lay on the horn and cuss you out.

Welcome to America, land of the free and home of the bravely-bullying-others. (as long as their vehicle is bigger and they can get away anonymously)

I've found the majority to be heavy-set women driving big cars with "fish" on the back. To the point that I cringe WHILE DRIVING IN MY OWN CAR when I see a "fish" sticker. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ichthys

[Becky]

Ditto what Biciclista said. DH and I had a similar, almost verbatim experience a few years ago. When DH called 911, he was informed that threatening physical harm like that is a crime and they can arrest the driver. Don't engage, but don't hesitate to call emergency services either.

I'm glad that you're ok....don't let the haters win!

[7rider]

Any ideas on how to feel better about this and do better next time?

Congratulations!!!

You are now a cyclist!

[tangentgirl]

Congratulations!!!

You are now a cyclist!

Yup, it's a badge of honor.

Don't let that dimwit spoil everything you've accomplished. You've been riding and building your skills and strength and having fun. She's probably just a big knot of meanness and jealousy, and you never want those people to win, do you?

Have fun, ride safe!

[tulip]

Those encounters can be rattling. Passing on the right is illegal, but its hard to retain one's wits and get a license plate number in those situations. In my state, bicyclists are required to ride to the right, but I take the lane when it is safe and practical to do so, like an upcoming left turn. But if there are cars behind me, I generally let them go by. They are bigger than me.

You could always think of it this way: at least she saw you, which was your goal afterall.

[malkin]

I imagine these morons yell at me when I drive my car too, I just can't hear them. Enjoy yourself and your bike!

[greyfeather]

please think of the 250 other drivers you encountered that same day. There are nasty jerks every where. But they are the tiniest minority! Don't let one creep spoil your life. Get back on your bike and smile and wave at every driver you can!!

And if you see her again, get her license plate number and report her for harassment!

This is good advice, and I will remember it. Thank you.

[greyfeather]

It's going to happen every week.

There is always someone, always a jerk who refuses to pass when it's clear or insists on passing when it isn't. Always someone who will lay on the horn and cuss you out.

Welcome to America, land of the free and home of the bravely-bullying-others. (as long as their vehicle is bigger and they can get away anonymously)

I've found the majority to be heavy-set women driving big cars with "fish" on the back. To the point that I cringe WHILE DRIVING IN MY OWN CAR when I see a "fish" sticker. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ichthys

Haha. Yes, it is bullying, nothing more.

Lots of people around here have the fish thing (so much so that others respond with versions that say "gefilte" and "flying spaghetti monster" and even "linux"), and are diverse. This lady didn't; instead, she had a license plate frame that announced her support of one of the local college football teams. And was, as you say, heavyset. I took from this that her "faith" was that sports were for spectators. Ugh.

[greyfeather]

Thanks becky, 7rider, and tangentgirl. I'm going for a ride now.

[greyfeather]

Those encounters can be rattling. Passing on the right is illegal, but its hard to retain one's wits and get a license plate number in those situations. In my state, bicyclists are required to ride to the right, but I take the lane when it is safe and practical to do so, like an upcoming left turn. But if there are cars behind me, I generally let them go by. They are bigger than me.

You could always think of it this way: at least she saw you, which was your goal afterall.

Absolutely right. This was going through my mind after the fact.

I'll do better next time (I hope).

[greyfeather]

Thanks, muirenn and Malkin!

[Biciclista]

You could always think of it this way: at least she saw you, which was your goal afterall.

wow, this is great!!

[prand27]

Please don't let that jerk discourage you. There are so many more courteous drivers than there are idiots out there--or at least that's been my experience as a newbie--so try to remember that the next time when (if) somebody gives you a hard time.

P.S. I wouldn't bother trying to get in the last word with the jerks--you never know what axe they have to grind so you're better off just pedaling away and gettin' your healthy on!

[Melalvai]

greyfeather, I ride in any conditions but the worst thing to ride in is traffic, and among the worst experiences is when someone harasses me verbally or with their car. That is so demoralizing. The only thing that makes it tolerable for me is that I'm involved in local, state, and national bike/ped advocacy. (National is League of American Bicyclists, http://www.bikeleague.org/).

I would advise that you NOT engage anyone, don't respond, don't reply. That is really hard to do and it took me years to just let them go. It is by far the best response. You aren't going to change that particular person at this particular time. You'll have other opportunities to change people's minds about cyclists.

People DO change. I have faith that my advocacy efforts and donations help them change. One day you will talk to someone who will admit "I used to yell at cyclists" or "I used to think cyclists shouldn't be in my way", who feels differently now, because they know a real cyclist-- you-- a real cyclist who is a nice person, not whatever stereotype is in their head.

Thanks for sharing your struggles with us. I've been there, some days I'm still there.

[Crankin]

Well, I have engaged with a few (I really haven't had that many incidents in 11 years) and if anything, I hope it shook them up, the way they shook me up. Believe me, some dweebie high tech guy driving around Concord or Acton is not gonna shoot me. Especially the one who had his cringing 10 year old in the car. Great role model! On the other hand, I have called the police and reported stuff, too.
Knotted Yet, I spit my coffee out with your fish comment. Don't get me started. You hardly see those around here, thankfully, but I had my fill of them in AZ. Yeah, sure, your religion is better than mine...

[channlluv]

A few weeks ago I met my niece and her fiance to take their engagement photos. (I do portrait photography, and this is my wedding gift to them.) While walking to their favorite surf spot in a very cycling-friendly hippie surfer community just north of where I live, all three of us had to cross a dedicated bike lane separated from the main road and line of parked cars by a small curb. There were lots of walkers on the sidewalk and I realized we were walking in the bike lane, so I nudged my niece ahead of me to get up onto the sidewalk. She noticed it was the bike lane about the same time I did and with an "Oops, better move up," to her fiance, who replied with what was pretty much, F*** cyclists. "I knocked a cyclist off his bike once," and he shoves the air, mimicking doing it again. Thankfully, there weren't any cyclists close enoug to see or hear him.

"Why would you do that?" I asked, incredulous.

He immediately realized what he'd admitted to, as I had been talking for several minutes about keeping an eye out for DH who would be riding by soon with his bike club on their regular Saturday ride, and he started backpedaling. "Well, he was giving my best friend grief. He was yelling at us. And besides, my brother is a competitive cyclist, too, so I know all about it. And I was 18." And I'm betting a little drunk, too.

Uh-huh. I see. My first thought: Niece, are you sure this is the one?

She seemed immediately apologetic for him. I let it go, though.


I love Mimi's advice, and the point that that woman saw you, which was your goal.

As for fish on the car, I don't really mind people declaring their religion. What I mind is hypocritical behavior. Which safely-taking-the-lane cyclist would Jesus yell at, right?

Roxy

[Crankin]

Exactly. Having that decal on the car does not excuse you from rude or dangerous behavior. It reminds me of the woman I used to work with, when faced with any difficult professional situation would say, "I'm going to give it to the Lord."
Yea, tell the Lord to calm the irate parent down. Off topic, I know, but I guess I really don't like people advertising their religion, as it feels as if it's saying,"I'm better, because I'm ____."

[goldfinch]

I don't mind people advertising their religion as I advertise my positions as well. But I sure mind people who deface my car that had the Darwin Fish. I went through two of the symbols, both destroyed. I doubt that it was the atheists vandalizing my car. The Liberal bumpersticker goes over real well too.

I only put these things on my ratty old car. The newer car has "no identifying marks." :)

[marni]

Knotted Yet, I spit my coffee out with your fish comment. Don't get me started. You hardly see those around here, thankfully, but I had my fill of them in AZ. Yeah, sure, your religion is better than mine...

Oh Crankin, you would go crazy around here where almost every store clerk or receptionist at a medical office will gaily wish you a "blessed day." Even when I had surgery, although I had indicated that I did not want to be visited with a minister, the local chaplain showed up and offered to pray with me and my husband. When told to leave, he did so but did stop to offer up a prayer (hold us up to Jesus) just outside the door.

The nerve of some people.

marni

[Crankin]

Well, Marni, there is a reason (actually several) I moved back to the northeast. I always felt slightly out of sync with most of the people around me. Not my friends, grant you, but at work, this came up a lot. Plus the fact, I taught in a school district that was primarily, at that point, comprised of students from one particular religion. One that proselytizes.
Here, I am just another person. But your story reminds me of something that happened to my parents a long time ago. I was 7 and my mom had a preterm delivery of twins; given the fact it was 1960, they both died shortly after birth. A priest came to my mom's room and asked if the "babies' souls could be baptized, so they would go to heaven." Now, this was not at a Catholic hospital and I am sure they knew my parents were not Catholic. I don't think that I have ever seen my dad so angry. I know this wouldn't happen today, but, the insensitivity of that incident has stayed with me all of these years.