Oh the Guilt!

[SheFly]

So, in case anyone hasn't noticed, I sort of have a passion for cycling. That passion extends to really wanting to make a difference, and to share that passion with others, to get them addicted, er, I mean, hooked, too.

For years, I have led beginner MTB rides, women's rides, junior clinics, and have even become the president of our cycling club. I have ridden thousands of miles, raced up to 50 races per year, and spread the love of the bicycle.

This year, DH and I have become directors of a junior cycling team for our club. It's really VERY exciting! We started with 2, then 3, then 4, and now are up to 9 boys aged 15 to 18. They LOVE to ride, and their enthusiasm is so refreshing. They ARE full of testosterone, and do still require some care and feeding (quite literally).

We have been taking them out for team rides on Tuesday evenings. Two weeks ago, we had one junior who neglected to tell us that:

He had never ridden more than 32 miles (and this was an advertised 50 mile ride).
He was out of water, and food.
he was in trouble - until we were about 10 miles from home (the shortest way possible).


He ended up literally collapsed on the sidewalk with really bad cramps, and dizzy from being dehydrated. We picked him up, brought him back to the house, and fed him Gatorade and some salty snacks. He was fine, but it was a good glimpse into what we were really getting into.

Last night was another team ride. We went out on the roads for a paceline ride before heading back to a locall cemetary to practice cornering drills in a reasonably safe place. No traffic, and we are VERY resepctful.

Just before the end of the night, one of the juniors set up for a corner, and missed. He hit the deck pretty hard, taking the brunt of the crash with his face :eek:. At first, we thought he was ok - lucid, moving and pretty upset that this had happened - again (he crashed out of a race on the weekend, but he was taken out by another rider). As we sat, and started making our way (walking) back to my house, I realized that things were more serious. He didn't know what day it was, where he was, how he got there, or what had happened. He asked over and over what happened and if he was bleeding. He said too many times to count that he probably shouldn't drive home.

We got him back to the house, and called his dad. Unfortunately, dad didn't sound happy, but was on his way to collect Junior. We got him cleaned up, answered what had happened so many times we finally wrote him a note and put it in front of him, and waited for dad. When dad arrived, there was, understandably, quite a bit of concern, and Junior was taken to hospital.

Dad mentioned a couple of times that he was concerned about Junior getting into racing seriously, especially with 2 crashes so close together. I did my best to let him know that Junior was a strong rider with good skills, and that neither was really his fault, but Dad didn't seem to want to hear it. Then it came out that they were leaving for a bike trip in France on the weekend :eek:. No wonder he was upset!

I have a lot of guilt over what happened last night, even though there was NOTHING that I could have done. We were in a safe place, with 3 adult leaders, going at slow speeds practicing skills. I keep telling myself that, but still feel so guilty.

Maybe this isn't for me after all...

SheFly

[shootingstar]

Not all kids are like this little fella. (Makes one wonder if the father is setting a good example in terms of teaching about precautions in life or teaching a kid how to plan abit. But kid is young..)

YOu did your best.

[kermit]

They should be glad you were there! If these kids were riding on their own, they may not have had the skills to react to his injury and concussion. Pat yourself on the back, the parents should be grateful!

[Crankin]

How awful! But, it is not your fault. I can probably say with all truthfulness that dad was probably pissed that their trip would be ruined. Remember the dislocated thumb story I told you last night? Well, the next day, Scott and I were flying to Phx and Tucson to check out schools and visit. I was furious, even though it was irrational. The docs didn't want him to fly the next day and they only said OK because our friends we were staying with are doctors. And that wasn't counting the stress from a crying 17 year old who was told he couldn't take his bike with him because of the injury.
It sounds like this kid needs a serious talk from your DH and you about being a bit cautious? I know racers need to take risks, but maybe he needs *really* slow speed drills? I'm not a coach, but this sounds like a personality issue, rather than a skills issue. He needs to learn how to channel that talent. I would wait a day or a few hours today and call the dad and talk to him.
And you are just feeling the guilt one feels when you are responsible for a kid. See what you've missed?

[jlnc]

SheFly, I am new to cycling and ride with a great group for beginners. A few weeks ago I hit the wall because of dehydration. I was so thankful to have experienced leaders with me to A) tell me to get off the bike, I wasn't going any further, B) Get me rehydrated and back to the shop safely in a car, and C) to encourage me to get back on that bike the next week!
If I hadn't found this type of leadership, I probably wouldn't be riding, because I would be too nervous to go out on my own. It sounds like you are offering that same type of support to your team. Ultimately, you have to feel comfortable with the responsibility that comes from coaching them, but I bet they are very thankful to have someone like you and your hubby leading them. Any sport or activity carries some risk and parents should be aware of this. Hopefully these parents appreciate your efforts!

[SheFly]

Thanks, everyone!

I spoke to Dad this morning. Junior had x-rays and a CAT scan last night at the ER, and all came back clear. His memory is also returning. While he is bumped and bruised (and likely has a black eye and fat lip - but all his teeth), he is going to be just fine!

This wasn't an issue with his skills, nor was the crash at the race. Sadly, last night he hit a patch of grass/dirt which is what caused him to go down. Dad is still nervous about the racing, but we'll see how things shake out when they get back from vacation.

(FWIW - I don't think it was clear that the bonking Junior was not the same as the crashing Junior - two different kids!)

I feel better knowing Junior is ok. Dad also thanked me this morning for being there and taking care of Junior, and was understandably concerned about his son.

I do love their enthusiasm, and helping them out. Something like this, though, was just a bit scary (especially for someone with no children of their own!). I'm sure we'll get them all back together again, and all will be well.

SheFly

[mudmucker]

I can understand how you would feel guilty of course, since you have inexperienced minors under your direction for a few hours. However, after all the common sense rationalizations, deep down you realize that guilt is mis-directed. First, you yourself listed off your qualifications. You are providing the best leadership you can! And as noted by the the qualifications, it ain't shabby. Secondly, people make choices. You have not made these choices for them. And as you mentioned last night, you have an extra set of challenges, that being, you have some young testosterone riddin' folk under your wing for a few hours each week. You can set the best example you can for them, teach them all the right things... those young minds will still make bad choices. But I bet they're making a lot more better choices ridingwise than when before they met you. As for the father's reaction, who knows what other family dynamic lurks behind.

Your post is telling. You might be discovering that it really isn't for you. Unfortunately it might not be the end as the season is still young. You can always opt not to do this next year. If it's too much, preserve yourself ! :) We need you to remain the ebullient and positive person I met last night.

[Crankin]

I hope he was given instruction (from the ER) about post-concussive syndrome. If his memory is just returning now, he really needs to take it easy. Maybe I know too much about TBI from neuroscience, but I have a close friend whose teenaged daughter took a hit playing soccer and after almost a year, she is still struggling with academics/memory, etc. I know this is an unusual case and she has been cleared to run, etc., it doesn't take much. I am sure he'll be fine and maybe he will take your instruction better now.