My husband ugh!!!

[Brandi]

My husband I swear sometimes is so stubborn. He will get an idea in his head a swear it is what it is no matter how much I try and tell him everything is ok and it is not like that. We are having issues with me being on facebook. He thinks everyone knows everything I am doing etc...and that is not true. When we travel and such I never say we are leaving or are away. I just go about fb like I do every day. just generic nothing to out of the norm. But he is convinced it is another way... errrrrrrr.

[smilingcat]

If I were you, I would tweak him a bit more...

Has the power meter on top of the main breaker for your house, the one used by the power company to meter your electrical usage, been upgraded to digital?

If so chances are that the power company can read the power without sending a field person to take a reading. And the new one is to take readings any time of the day. The stink out there is that the crooks have figured a way to read the power meter and look at your instantaneous reading. If its low, you must be out. Time to break in...

I'm sure that would send him up the tizzie. Now this is just all urban legend so I don't believe a word of it. Just well maybe possible.

Regarding face book. Why doesn't he visit your page and see?? or let him see your page?

Yup. Freebie to be had at **** house. The owners are on vacay!! No alarm!! Everything must go!! Easy pickin...

[limewave]

My DH got all in a snort about FB too. I'm on the computer all day, work from home, taking care of children all evening . . . FB really is my social network. Somewhat pathetic, I know.

Anyways, he didn't like how I knew what was going on with his friends or how they knew what I was up to. I ended up blocking and unfriending all of his friends.

And I don't write anything about DH on FB.

That solved our FB issues.

[Biciclista]

my husband is on facebook constantly. Every ride he does is recorded with a dozen photos including of what he eats... I guess we're all different.

[Brandi]

I blocked a bunch of people as well. I think there is something else wrong here and I am just a target. Hard when you spend 24/7 together. He needs to get out and ride. But alas the rain is preventing that.
You know some people you can't argue with at all. I even offered to let him look at what I post. And it has nothing to do with anything really.

[CycleTherapy]

ummm, I don't mean to sound in any way offense, really I don't. Sometimes we can be near-sighted in our vision because maybe we need a tweak of our lenses or perception. Have you considered your post, as related to the very issue you are experiencing and asking advice for ? Could your post here be the same type of thing that makes your husband anxious and even fearful, which then comes out as anger ? Maybe the action of posting your issue here, is the kind of behavior that has your husband agitated ? Maybe it scares him that (in his belief) you might use FB as the alternative to communicating and satisfying a need for relationship... a relationship that he really wants you to find in HIM and through the commitment of your partnership.

Please read my thoughts merely as "food" for consideration; in no way were they meant as judgement.

[Irulan]

ummm, I don't mean to sound in any way offense, really I don't. Sometimes we can be near-sighted in our vision because maybe we need a tweak of our lenses or perception. Have you considered your post, as related to the very issue you are experiencing and asking advice for ? Could your post here be the same type of thing that makes your husband anxious and even fearful, which then comes out as anger ? Maybe the action of posting your issue here, is the kind of behavior that has your husband agitated ? Maybe it scares him that (in his belief) you might use FB as the alternative to communicating and satisfying a need for relationship... that he really wants you to find in HIM and through the commitment of your partnership.

Please read my thoughts merely as "food" for consideration; in no way were they meant as judgement.

That was kind of what I was thinking - this sounds like a bigger problem than can be solved thorough an internet post. You are posting personal problems in a public forum... maybe no wonder he's uncomfortable with your facebook use! There could be trust issues here, intimacy and I don't mean sex issues, certainly something better addressed through marriage counseling than a public board. Just my two cents.

[goldfinch]

That was kind of what I was thinking - this sounds like a bigger problem than can be solved thorough an internet post. You are posting personal problems in a public forum... maybe no wonder he's uncomfortable with your facebook use! There could be trust issues here, intimacy and I don't mean sex issues, certainly something better addressed through marriage counseling than a public board. Just my two cents.

There is a difference between forums such as this and facebook. On forums most people do not use their real names and it is difficult to know who they are, if not impossible. So, online forums can be a good place to air personal issues. In contrast, most people are themselves on Facebook, with many if not most friends also "real life" friends. I often share issues on online forums I would never share on Facebook because no one has a clue who I am. I keep details like where I live and what I do private so people do not figure out who I am. On facebook I have to be very circumspect.

I personally wouldn't read a lot into the OP husband's concern. He might have heard about how Facebook has little privacy and just be worried about that.

[Irulan]

Wow . Different point of view I guess. I am of the mind that that I never share personal problems on line with people I don't know. For any number of reasons, I won't bore you with the list. Just a different attitude I guess.

[shootingstar]

I actually view forums as more open and searchable than FB. Because FB requires you to register to gain information access. It would useful just to probe what hubby is truly concerned about.

[silver]

Very interesting discussion. My ex-husband did not approve of my FB and forum use. However, it turns out that there many other problems that were much too big to "fix". IMO, that's why he posts here, it was a way of monitoring my involvement and he realized how enjoyable a woman's forum could be. But the end result for me, is I feel like he "got Team Estrogen" in the divorce. :-(

[Kerry1976]

Very interesting discussion. My ex-husband did not approve of my FB and forum use. However, it turns out that there many other problems that were much too big to "fix". IMO, that's why he posts here, it was a way of monitoring my involvement and he realized how enjoyable a woman's forum could be. But the end result for me, is I feel like he "got Team Estrogen" in the divorce. :-(

Bummer!

My ex-husband once asked me if I was on FB. I said yes. He said he was too. He asked if I liked it as he was really new to it and didn't quite get the appeal and/or reasons for using. I told him I used it frequently as I had people on there I had lost touch with or were far away and that I also talk to my running forum friends on there. I think he asked some other technical questions, but neither of us mentioned friending the other and neither of us ever has friended the other. I have no plans to friend him and if he ever tries to friend me I will probably ignore it.

[OakLeaf]

Silver, I did get that idea from this end, and I think it's really unfortunate. We miss you.

I don't get some of the hostility in this thread. Lots of us share lots of personal information on TE, from the shape and size of our labia (hopefully only in the saddle and saddle-related threads ;)), to issues with care giving and child rearing. Brandi is more than welcome to vent here, as far as I'm concerned.

[lph]

what she said.

+ lots.

[Brandi]

Venting is what I am doing. I don't say much persoanl things on fb anyway and not about my husband ever, Unless "We went camping" or "we went to the movies". He has this way of trying to accuse me of things when he is going through a rough patch. This fb thing was an excuse to get mad at me. And I promise you he spends ALLLLLLLLL day on his computer this is not a cry for mu attention. With that I like everyones comments on the issue many different views. Now hi ho hi ho it's off to work I go. Today working on the beach. A rare one for me! post pic's later.

[margo49]

I reckon you guys will work it out...but in the meantime ...sad to hear yr going thru this.
Thinking of ya!

[Melalvai]

My husband also has issues with how much information is shared publicly and he is uncomfortable with the level of info that I am willing to share. His definition of public is broader than mine, as well. So we've been through these same discussions, debates, arguments, and even fights. Over the past 18 years we've compromised: I am more thoughtful and careful about what I post, and he has become less paranoid. But we have a LONG way to go yet before we are both comfortable.

One of the things I have learned is to develop an attitude of curiosity. For example, let's say he's being completely unreasonable. Well, I know that we are both smart people. Yet somehow we have come to completely different conclusions. Therefore I must be lacking some information. I may not be able to get that info very easily: he may not be able to share that missing bit of info with me. He might not know it himself, not consciously. Or he might not be able to explain it. It can take a lot of patience.

There is a fundamental difference in our personalities in some respects. I am naturally trusting (perhaps too trusting) and he is naturally paranoid (perhaps too paranoid). I have a higher standard of cleanliness and a lower tolerance for messiness. I have become MORE of a neat freak (I was a bit of a slob before I met him), but I have become more cautious--so we do change, sometimes to exacerbate differences and sometimes to become more alike.

Good luck during your learning experience! :)

[Cataboo]

I am way more likely to tell people on this forum that my bike saddle makes my hoohaw hurt than I would be to post anything about my hoohaw on facebook. IN that way, I'm way more likely to post personal things on an anonymous internet forum than under my name on facebook when I know my family members are reading it.

[Bike Writer]

As a public official I rarely post anything of a real personal nature anywhere because I live in a fishbowl and my life is transparent, this includes having my address, phone number and personal email be part of public information. Not everybody wants that type of scrutiny but it comes with the territory.

About the only time I feel free to say anything personal is in conversation with my family and a few very close friends.

[sgtiger]

I am way more likely to tell people on this forum that my bike saddle makes my hoohaw hurt than I would be to post anything about my hoohaw on facebook. IN that way, I'm way more likely to post personal things on an anonymous internet forum than under my name on facebook when I know my family members are reading it.

+1

There the info. in being thrown out at unsuspecting people when they may be least expecting or wanting of the state of their friend's/acquaintance's genitals. Here there's usually some warning in the thread title. If someone is not interested in discussing hooohaws and whatnots, they can avoid the thread.

[sgtiger]

Hi, Brandi! Long time no see (chat?!!).

The way I interpreted your original post is that your DH is in a bit of a cranky nitpicking mood and the current thing he's found to nitpick about is FB. I took it as FB not being the real issue, but him being stressed and needing to let off some steam and it's being directed at you, because....well, you're there. Did I read it correctly?

If so, I totally get where you're coming from. Both DH and I do that to each other sometimes. We try not, but it does happen from time to time. I feel like an a$$ when I do it to him. (Ok, so maybe I'm not perfect, but don't tell him I said that.;)) I can't even imagine spending 24/7 with him, either. I adore him, but I don't think he and I could ever work together.

From all the other things you've posted about him he sounds like a great guy, so I'm sure it will pass soon (if it hasn't happened already). Hang in there.

~Soo

[Blueberry]

As a public official I rarely post anything of a real personal nature anywhere because I live in a fishbowl and my life is transparent, this includes having my address, phone number and personal email be part of public information. Not everybody wants that type of scrutiny but it comes with the territory.

About the only time I feel free to say anything personal is in conversation with my family and a few very close friends.

That's a tough position to be in. That's why there are no pictures of me on TE. My local life is fairly public because of my career and some local government volunteer work I did - I want TE to stay as far away from that as possible. But - I still know it's not totally safe.

Hang in there! It really can add stress to your life.

[crazycanuck]

Silver, i miss you :( and would love it if you came back!

[emily_in_nc]

Silver, i miss you :( and would love it if you came back!

+1,000,000! Had been wondering where you'd disappeared to. :(

[Mr. Bloom]

Brandi, sometimes these issues can be a result of anxiety over the unknown. If he understands what it is, how it's used, and if there is trust over the limits that are set, and there is propriety in honoring those limits, his anxiety will lessen.

Let's face it, there's a lot of bad publicity out there about facebook and plenty of bad experiences resulting from what some people do with it and forums...

[salsabike]

Very interesting discussion. My ex-husband did not approve of my FB and forum use. However, it turns out that there many other problems that were much too big to "fix". IMO, that's why he posts here, it was a way of monitoring my involvement and he realized how enjoyable a woman's forum could be. But the end result for me, is I feel like he "got Team Estrogen" in the divorce. :-(

No way---come on back!! :)

[Brandi]

Hi, Brandi! Long time no see (chat?!!).

The way I interpreted your original post is that your DH is in a bit of a cranky nitpicking mood and the current thing he's found to nitpick about is FB. I took it as FB not being the real issue, but him being stressed and needing to let off some steam and it's being directed at you, because....well, you're there. Did I read it correctly?

If so, I totally get where you're coming from. Both DH and I do that to each other sometimes. We try not, but it does happen from time to time. I feel like an a$$ when I do it to him. (Ok, so maybe I'm not perfect, but don't tell him I said that.;)) I can't even imagine spending 24/7 with him, either. I adore him, but I don't think he and I could ever work together.

From all the other things you've posted about him he sounds like a great guy, so I'm sure it will pass soon (if it hasn't happened already). Hang in there.

~Soo
EXACTLY IT! He is a different person today. I think possibly it was because we had a real ball buster of a 1 day job coming up the next day. Like I said I don't post anything personal about us on fb except general stuff. And I keep it very level as far as when we are away and home so it doesn't seem like anyhting is different. I don't talk about if we are away or not. Now on TE site here it is different. I see wise people here who are not a threat to me. I feel I can talk about almost anything. I have realized this week how much I have missed all of you which is why I plan to be here more often. Besides I am less likely to get in trouble here then on fb! :) thanks for listening and for all the advice!

[Brandi]

Brandi, sometimes these issues can be a result of anxiety over the unknown. If he understands what it is, how it's used, and if there is trust over the limits that are set, and there is propriety in honoring those limits, his anxiety will lessen.

Let's face it, there's a lot of bad publicity out there about facebook and plenty of bad experiences resulting from what some people do with it and forums...
You know I believe that is a big part of it too. He hears about fights my friends have gotten in with other friends and spouses. And bad things that have happened security wise and so on. I try and tell him it is not like that for me and NO ONE is able to see my page only friends. I will keep trying to convince him it is ok.

[snapdragen]

No way---come on back!! :)

Ditto what salsa says!

[channlluv]

Yay, Silver, there you are. We missed you.

I'm on FB and rarely post personal info. I do use it as a professional networking tool. I'm a children's book writer and elementary school librarian, and just about everything I post has something to do with children's literature.

I have a professional site with my photo and contact information, and another resource site I run for children's writers with a bio, photo, and all sorts of how-to-find me information. If someone really wanted to track me down, it's not that hard. Just Google me and there I am. If fact, just as a point of illustration, I just Googled myself and there are accurate links as far as 17 pages in, including this gem, posted on my friend Katie Davis's website with advice for beginning children's writers:

http://katiedavis.com/blog/tag/chicken-butt/

From Roxyanne Young:

Do: Think way, way, waaaaaay outside the box.
Don’t: Forget that you’re a professional, all the time, no matter the venue. Act like one. (The Internet never forgets.)


Appropriate, yes?

Now, I'm kind of famous in the relatively tiny community of professional children's writers. In my actual personal life, hardly any of the people I interact with on a daily basis, including the teachers at my school, have any idea about the Rock Star me. Ha! I'm Clark Kent. Quiet children's librarian by day, rock star children's author by night. (Well, not quite rock star, but you get the idea). Just yesterday at a luncheon I was sharing some of it with a 5th grade teacher and she said, "Why don't we know this about you?" I've worked there for six years.

So privacy is relative, is my point. You share what you want to share. You keep private what you want to keep private.

I love this forum because we *can* share such intimate stuff. Hoohahs, indeed. No judging. Tons of constructive criticism, and sometimes tough love when it's needed. Really, this is the best community I know of online.

Love you people.

Roxy

(Of course, if you try any of the above-mentioned sites at the moment, you'll get an Internal Server Error. Godaddy is working on fixing it.)

[bmccasland]

Hey Roxy - if you ever go to the librarian's convention when it's in New Orleans... there's a webcam on Bourbon Street. More than one sweet librarian has been caught.

Brandi - glad things are going better. :D

[Brandi]

Very interesting discussion. My ex-husband did not approve of my FB and forum use. However, it turns out that there many other problems that were much too big to "fix". IMO, that's why he posts here, it was a way of monitoring my involvement and he realized how enjoyable a woman's forum could be. But the end result for me, is I feel like he "got Team Estrogen" in the divorce. :-(
You need to come back! :)

[Jo-n-NY]

Silver, another here welcoming you back with open arms. I always looked forward to reading your posts and think of you when I wear the Share the Road jersey I bought from you.

~ JoAnn