Self-compassion and motivation

[PamNY]

Interesting article from NY Times (http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2011/02/28/go-easy-on-yourself-a-new-wave-of-research-urges/?scp=1&sq=self%20compassion&st=cse) about self-compassion and motivation.

The gist is that being as supportive and compassionate to yourself as you would be to others is a good idea and helpful in motivation.

[redrhodie]

That's a great article.

I'm pretty good to myself. I am very appreciative of the work my body does for me, and I have lots little ways of rewarding it. I've abused it in the past, and try not to do that anymore. I don't degrade myself. I don't feel guilty for treating myself to something special, like a massage, or dessert. I don't call myself lazy for relaxing. I make my well being a priority. I have a strong and healthy body that I'm really grateful for.

You know, I feel a twinge of guilt or something for writing this, like somehow, I'm not supposed to say that I love my body. Like I'm bragging or something. I think that's been ingrained in me somehow. Do we all feel that? Like we're always supposed to want to be different, better, and to be satisfied with, or accepting of, who we are, is wrong? Are we not supposed to love ourselves?

I guess this is why:

“They believe self-criticism is what keeps them in line. Most people have gotten it wrong because our culture says being hard on yourself is the way to be.”

[badger]

my counselor told me to be kind to myself a few years ago, but it's pretty hard when I have such high expectations of myself.

I do remind myself when I'm berating myself that I should be nicer.

I was recommended a book, Taming your Gremlin (http://www.amazon.com/Taming-Your-Gremlin-Surprisingly-Getting/dp/0060520221/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1299169760&sr=8-1) which is pretty much the same thing, the little voice that is niggling at you being very critical.

[OakLeaf]

A couple of years back I read a study that found the converse - that stigmatizing people for their weight makes it more difficult, not easier, for them to lose weight. Seems like common sense, but red, you're right, there's so much social pressure in the opposite direction.

Took me a little digging to find it, but here it is:

http://www.nature.com/oby/journal/v14/n10/full/oby2006208a.html


It really does seem like a no-brainer. Better self-esteem -> better self-trust -> better ability both to act on good decisions, and to accept bad decisions as mistakes or momentary indulgences, rather than an immutable part of yourself that it's useless trying to change.

[shootingstar]

I haven't read the article yet.

Half of the time, my problem is I forget when I'm busy and might not eat at the right time, etc. I guess that's a form of benign self-denial. :o

[GLC1968]

That doesn't surprise me even a little bit.

I am notoriously self-critical. It's so bad that I probably have permanently damaged some parts of my own self-image. I've been doing it my whole life.

Just the other day, I was flipping through one of my journals. I was interested in what was the trigger that got me headed back down my current path of fitness again when I was at my highest weight a year and a half ago. I'd completely forgotten about it, but apparently a letter to the editor of a magazing about an over-weight (read: normal sized) model was key. I saved a photo of a bunch of beautiful but not skinny women in my journal and used it as a spark to stop beating myself up so much. I wasn't much bigger than they were and clearly, they were gorgeous. I can't really explain it in full detail without going into a multi-page post, but ultimately, it came down to feeling like I was WORTH the indulgence of a workout. Basically, when I was in a pattern of beating myself up daily, I didn't feel like I deserved the time to myself to workout or eat right. I had a farm to run, I had a job to do, I had goats to milk and seeds to plant, I had a house that needed work, I had a husband to 'take care of', etc... Time for a workout? Time to prep healthy food? Nope, not right now...maybe later. I'm not worth it, other stuff is more important. I'd see a really heavy lady power walking and think "good for her" but when my own butt jiggled as I jumped off the orchard ladder all I could think was "lard a$$". It was more than just allowing myself the time, too. At my worst, there were days that I would purposely eat the most horrendous choice I could just to give me an excuse for being fat or feeling like crap. Honestly, looking back and reading my journal has been a huge eye-opener for me. I didn't realize that I'd gotten that bad!

My life and my attitude have both changed drastically (not without a few mis-steps along the way) and I can totally see how being kinder to oneself is critical to long term consistency and success.

[Melalvai]

This is a good discussion (not having read the article yet). This week I discovered the Heart Rate Monitor as a tool to make me less demanding of myself. I've been running with a bunch of tall fast guys. (I'm not particularly fast among women of my height.) I don't expect to be able to keep up with them, but I do feel the pressure when they are getting smaller and smaller...until they disappear entirely and then I forget about them the rest of the run.

Since I started wearing the HR monitor, every time I start to feel like I'm running too slow, I consult it before I start to speed up. Every time, it turns out my HR has already increased. So I'm not "allowed" to speed up because I want to stay below lactate acid threshold. That gives me time to think about how I'm doing just as much with what I have as they are. They just happen to have more!

[celticgarden]

Affirmations and mediation. That's what I've been trying out. Age has helped, being in my 40s I find that I just don't care what people think anymore. I have accomplished so much in life, I know I'm doing my best from the place where I am.

A few years back I got some self hypnosis cds, set up a cd player by my bed and listen when the mood strikes. I found that listening to a kind, positive voice was immensely wonderful. When a day had gone by without a kind word being said about me (either by others or by myself) I found peace in hearing it from those CDs. The focus of the hypnosis was either weight loss or self healing, pretty benign stuff. On a day when I felt angry at something that happened at work listening to a CD that encourages one to let go of negativity would be a cure most of the time.

Meditation and visualization have proven benefits so that's my latest interest. But I don't beat myself up for not being consistent about practicing. I've come to realize that I have a roller coaster of interests paired with too little time to do everything. I cut myself a break and just try to be positive, laugh (I tend to the serious!) and live life!

[badger]

A few years back I got some self hypnosis cds, set up a cd player by my bed and listen when the mood strikes. I found that listening to a kind, positive voice was immensely wonderful. When a day had gone by without a kind word being said about me (either by others or by myself) I found peace in hearing it from those CDs. The focus of the hypnosis was either weight loss or self healing, pretty benign stuff. On a day when I felt angry at something that happened at work listening to a CD that encourages one to let go of negativity would be a cure most of the time.



this is an excellent idea. Who produced those CDs, where did you get them?

[celticgarden]

I got them here http://www.wendi.com/

Picked up a few others at amazon from reading their reviews.

[celticgarden]

I submitted a reply but it said it needed moderator approval before it would be posted. My cds came from wendi (that would be dot com). I'm definitely not pushing any commercial venture! I just found them to be soothing and "safe." I was cautious in choosing hypnosis material, don't need any weird subliminal stuff piped into my brain....

[sundial]

GLC, your post is very touching.