No sympathy, please.

[zombeav]

Hello Everyone,

I am glad to have found this forum and this will be my first post.

I am an active woman like all of you, and this year will mark the BIG 4-0 for me. I nearly cringe to say it, but I'll get over it.

What has been happening to me lately is crazy. Just downright depressing. In fact, I AM depressed. I have participated in many triathlons, also seperate cycling and running events. But that seems like a dream to me now. I was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis (RA) in the fall. I had some troubling symptoms, but I always just felt that it was related to my extremely active lifestyle. In addition, I was completing my Master of Occupational Therapy degree, which I felt may have been contributing to my fatigue. But then the pain became worse (7/10 most days), and the fatigue was seriously screwing up my life. Then shortly following the dx of RA came the depression. Like a big black blanket covering up my goal oriented personality and snuffing out my hopes to pursue the rest of my dreams. To make matters worse, I have gained about 20-30 lbs, where I had previously enjoyed being trim with an athletic build. I am tall about 5'10 (and shrinking), so carrying extra weight puts me in the "big" category.

I sit here and shake my head and sigh, as I struggle to find a solution that fits in with my life. I hired a trainer two weeks ago, and that is going well. I need someone to push me when I can't push myself. I am still doing my work-outs 5-6 times a week, but it is a mental struggle nearly every time. The pain and fatigue don't seem worth it sometimes. I am a therapist, and I use my mind and body to work everyday, and it's exhausting on it's own sometimes (most times).

My questions are:
How the heck am I going to ride the storm out?
How will I be able to do the Tri's and rides I do every year if I can't match my intensity of prior years?
Is this all there is?????

If anyone has experienced these feelings or has gone through a similar situation, anything that you can share with me will be greatly appreciated.

Thank you,

Z~

[shootingstar]

I sit here and shake my head and sigh, as I struggle to find a solution that fits in with my life. I hired a trainer two weeks ago, and that is going well. I need someone to push me when I can't push myself. I am still doing my work-outs 5-6 times a week, but it is a mental struggle nearly every time. The pain and fatigue don't seem worth it sometimes. I am a therapist, and I use my mind and body to work everyday, and it's exhausting on it's own sometimes (most times).

My questions are:
How the heck am I going to ride the storm out?
How will I be able to do the Tri's and rides I do every year if I can't match my intensity of prior years?
Is this all there is?????

If anyone has experienced these feelings or has gone through a similar situation, anything that you can share with me will be greatly appreciated.

Thank you,

Z~

Congrats. for hanging there to finish your studies.

Instead of cycling for competing against yourself, rethink what cycling TRULY is a gift to enjoy..for life.

And cycle accordingly without much expectation of yourself except to enjoy yourself. Since you seem goal oriented having an odometer on bike later might be good.

But not right now. You need to reignite love of cycling again. Forget about competing even against yourself.

Rethink perhaps going on touring ride or very long ride in summer or fall. Gets you to ride more often, prepare but with a much more pleasant, less competitive goal. I mean aiming for at least a 100 kms. day ride..or similar. Riding with pannier weight ..is another form of fitness. Don't always think of tris, races, etc.

I'm actually still trying to get used to the city where I moved a few months ago. Seems like where I live and the traffic speed (too many one way fast streets downtown) is such that I tend to think more /plan more about cycling ..instead of spontaneously jumping onto the bike.

I just have to learn more about the routes in this city.

By the way, this freakin' city has some reversing traffic lanes a certain times downtown. :eek: Stupid. Unheard of in Toronto and Vancouver where I lived. So my hang-ups are slightly different.

[Veronica]

Being very goal oriented and competitive myself I can understand how it will be hard to not do compete at the same level as you have in the past. It sucks. :(

I'd like to think that if I were in your shoes I would decide that this year I'd be setting new benchmarks. I no longer have a winning poker hand, but I'm still in the game kind of thing. It doesn't change that it sucks. I've been working on a new mantra - Strive to improve, but be content.

Take care of yourself.

Veronica

[salsabike]

I have been through something very similar. The world's briefest summary: was a dancer, got fibromyalgia, gained medication-related weight, found cycling, lost some but not all of the weight, then diagnosed in addition with mild RA (which has stayed mild. Still trying to get off the rest of that weight).

You learn to adjust your expectations, wants, needs, and activities according to the cycles these syndromes present to you. And actually, life's like this for many people for a wide variety of reasons. That doesn't make it fun, but learning to surf the rhythms of the ups and downs is a really useful coping skill to acquire, since we're all gonna need that skill at some point.

I think the best advice I have is, consider yourself in this for the long haul. You are going to have good periods and tough periods, but neither last, which is good to know. It won't be this bad forever. And other doors open (e.g., from ballet to triathlon). Keep an eye out for the other doors and consider taking some of them, since there's some pretty fun stuff in there that you probably hadn't noticed before.

Do a little research online to find others who have been through this. Believe me, they're out there--I looked too (google "runners with RA", etc.). Take a look at this blog: http://tribeyondlimits.blogspot.com/ I don't agree with everything she says, but she's a good example of what I mean about rolling with the ups and downs.

I hope this is a little helpful. It won't always feel this bad. It truly won't.

[smittykitty]

I'm sorry you're having a tough time right now. I wish I had some advice, but unfortunately I do not. I do know you have found a wonderful group of very supportful women here at TE. I know you will find lots of good advice and even more support!!! Hang in there and again, Welcome!:)

[Aggie_Ama]

When I was diagnosed with a chronic illness (Essential Tremor) I took it hard. It took my then passion of bowling and made it nearly impossible. Then I swallowed that it was going to be a part of my life and became my own advocate. I took it as a challenge which ignited my competitive side. I wanted to know so much, find the best doctor and fight for me. Work against the challenge of RA. There are so many new treatments, if you aren't aware yet maybe you can learn about them.

You may not be the level you were but don't get discouraged, just grow and try to enjoy the training. Every day you can get moving you are winning one battle many people with RA won't fight. Someone told me at the line for one of my races "the only *** you have to kick is your own". So just try to beat what you feel you can do now, not what you did. Good luck in your journey, it is a change but judging by the links salsa posted it isn't one people can't overcome.

[Crankin]

My story is similar to Salsa's. While I was never a racer nor did I ever compete in anything, I was getting to be a pretty good cyclist when i was dx with fibromyalgia. Although no one is really sure this is what I have, I have something and I have had to readjust my expectations. My goal is to keep riding (and x country skiing, snow shoeing, hiking, yoga) until I drop dead, but sometimes it is at a less intense level. But, I still work out 5-7 days a week.
I really recommend learning about mindfulness to help with your symptoms. The things that helped me were a 10 week mindfulness course, meditating, acupuncture, and counseling. All of those things helped me deal with different expectations when I had to.
PM me, if you want.

[KnottedYet]

"No sympathy, please."

Fine, I can give you "no sympathy."

Pull your head out of your b*tt. Forty? Big F-ing Deal. Most of us are older than you. Don't put US down as you so enthusiastically chop yourself down in a bid for the sympathy you say you don't want.

Pull your head out of your b*tt. RA? Big Whoop. There are folks with other gawd-awful immune system disorders here. Whine if you want to, but acknowledge the fact that you want to whine, need to whine, and want some hugs. We give them out freely.

Pull your head out of your b*tt. Gained weight? Big fat heiney, let's have a pity party. I've gained 55 pounds in the last 3 years. I was a size 10, now I'm a size 20 or 22. Stress, stress, stress. Tough sh*t. You are responsible for your own weight. Accept what you weigh, or change it.

Pull your head out of your b*tt. Triathlons? Big huge tearful stupid loss. They are still out there, go do them. Who gives a rip if you are in the top or in the a$$ end of the pack? I don't. Why should you? The joy is from DOING the thing, not from kicking someone else's tuchus. Afraid of all the young things in the lower age category, then do something like the Danskin or the Trek and stop feeling sorry for yourself. Look at all the cancer survivors in those first waves, and get a sense of perspective.

Pull your head out of your b*tt. OT? Come on... the "other therapy." You're not gonna let some PT read you the riot act, are you? Stand up, be proud of your career change and your new degree! If you don't like it, do something else. But don't complain in some back-handed way about how hard OT is. Yes, healthcare can be massively draining. Say so! Ask for help if you need it, but be sure you want the job enough to love it and fight for it and ASK FOR HELP IF YOU NEED IT!!!!! Seriously, we all need help... change your title to "Sympathy, please." Honesty is the best policy.

Pull your head out of your b*tt. "Is this all there is?" Yup, this is IT, honey. Make the most of it. That's all anyone can do.

-Knott, who has evil PT powers and is not afraid to use them.

[Kiwi Stoker]

As an achiever, after my bike accident and resulting issues, I have learnt something huge. And it does go against the main theme everyone says "you can do anything if you put your mind to it".


Here it is- Sometimes in life you have to slow down and lower your expectations of yourself.

You are not a failure for doing so. You just need time to adjust to the situation, heal, get help or whatever and then sort out some goals that YOU can achieve. And yes these could be lower than you used to.

Take this chance to try something totally different. I used to love art as a child and because of my accident I have found that love again and am achieving something. Yes, it's certainly not the corporate ladder climbing and marketing campaign successes I was doing but I have become to accept this. I am still achieving, just differently.

[tangentgirl]

Congrats on the Masters in OT. I watched my mom get her bachelors in OT, the year she turned 50, then get the OTR. Talk about intense, yeesh.

My two cents from here...

1. Talk to a mental health professional. Someone on the doctor side of things if you can. You a) just finished up something very stressful and b) the RA is a life-changing diagnosis. Those things on their own are BFDs so together...ya see?

2. In the meantime, give yourself a break, mentally and physically. Working out 5-6 times a week sounds like it's counterproductive for you at the moment. If you are in physical pain and beating yourself up mentally, then what are you getting out of it?

Also, all the stuff KnottedYet just said.

[OakLeaf]

I don't have personal experience with a physical blow like that, but I know from depression - and from what I've seen of other people with traumatic spinal cord injuries, etc., you're the same person you were when you were healthy.

When you were physically healthy, you were already ill-equipped to deal with a serious physical blow, and that hasn't changed. This should be your goal now. It's hard work. Much, much harder than a marathon. Can you find a glimmer of respect for yourself for committing to the work of therapy? The sooner you start, the better.

[NbyNW]

Yes, please talk to a professional about that depression, and perhaps also about figuring out how to adapt.

If you're turning 40 and this is the first time you've had to deal with a major setback, then one way of looking at it is that you're luckier than most. Another way of looking at it is that you don't know how to deal with a major setback at age 40.

I'm not yet 40, but when I was 14 I was going on 40. Age is just a number.

Give yourself a good swift kick in the pants when you're feeling sorry for yourself, and give yourself permission to rest, mentally and physically, when you need to. Rest is an important part of healing and rehab. Active people tend to hate it, but we all know from experience that if you push too soon and too fast you can set yourself back. Again. It's a delicate balancing act.

I'm not very happy with my life right now either, but instead of boring you with the details, I'll tell you that it's an exercise in making lemonade when life gives you lemons. Focus every day on the things that you CAN do, on taking pleasure in whatever it is that makes you happy. Let these changes in your life take you in new directions that you hadn't explored before. Grow.

[kermit]

You will find on this thread we all have similar stories, and as an over 40 gal myself, I am fighting it every step of the way. I believe age is a state of mind, I am now mature enough to be able to take something and make sense of it. I have been knocked down and broken a ton of bones in my younger days and have arthritis myself everywhere. I do what I can for myself...I will never be a Chrissie Wellington but it's the challenge to be the best me I can. You might find that what you did before is not going to make you happy... Evaluate what you want to do for you and DO IT!

[Biciclista]

D A M N, knott, you rock... No wonder your son is so cool!

And to you, dear original OP(Original poster) you are only 40. I will be 60 this year. No one survives this race we are all in. The way I see it, the more that I do, the more that I can do, the more I am winning. For my family, my sons, my friends, that is what I can do, be a good example, set higher standards than the last generation.
If you're only 40 and you're already losing height, you should be looking into your intake of Vitamin D3 and calcium.
If you have arthritis, that means you better keep moving.
if you're in pain and depressed you need to ask yourself why. We can't answer those questions for you. But while you're sitting in on your own pity party, the rest of us are walking through the mud and advancing the best we can.. As you should do also.

Welcome to team estrogen!



"No sympathy, please."

Fine, I can give you "no sympathy."

Pull your head out of your b*tt. Forty? Big F-ing Deal. Most of us are older than you. Don't put US down as you so enthusiastically chop yourself down in a bid for the sympathy you say you don't want.

Pull your head out of your b*tt. RA? Big Whoop. There are folks with other gawd-awful immune system disorders here. Whine if you want to, but acknowledge the fact that you want to whine, need to whine, and want some hugs. We give them out freely.

Pull your head out of your b*tt. Gained weight? Big fat heiney, let's have a pity party. I've gained 55 pounds in the last 3 years. I was a size 10, now I'm a size 20 or 22. Stress, stress, stress. Tough sh*t. You are responsible for your own weight. Accept what you weigh, or change it.

Pull your head out of your b*tt. Triathlons? Big huge tearful stupid loss. They are still out there, go do them. Who gives a rip if you are in the top or in the a$$ end of the pack? I don't. Why should you? The joy is from DOING the thing, not from kicking someone else's tuchus. Afraid of all the young things in the lower age category, then do something like the Danskin or the Trek and stop feeling sorry for yourself. Look at all the cancer survivors in those first waves, and get a sense of perspective.

Pull your head out of your b*tt. OT? Come on... the "other therapy." You're not gonna let some PT read you the riot act, are you? Stand up, be proud of your career change and your new degree! If you don't like it, do something else. But don't complain in some back-handed way about how hard OT is. Yes, healthcare can be massively draining. Say so! Ask for help if you need it, but be sure you want the job enough to love it and fight for it and ASK FOR HELP IF YOU NEED IT!!!!! Seriously, we all need help... change your title to "Sympathy, please." Honesty is the best policy.

Pull your head out of your b*tt. "Is this all there is?" Yup, this is IT, honey. Make the most of it. That's all anyone can do.

-Knott, who has evil PT powers and is not afraid to use them.

[OakLeaf]

I totally hear you all who've taken the OP up on her thread title.

I'm probably projecting, but I hear a LOT of self-loathing in the OP. I could almost have written her post once, as a teenager, in response to a temporary injury that only sidelined me for a few months. Did I deserve sympathy for the injury? Well, no, not really. But did I need someone to help me through the depression with sensitivity and understanding? Yeppers.

I know the OP is the only one who can choose to stop hating herself body and soul, but if she's anything like me, all she's probably hearing (even though it's not what any of us is saying) is that we hate her too. ZA, that's not the case, and I hope you can hear what everyone in this thread is trying to tell you. As Knott said, we tend to be generous here with sympathy and hugs. Honor your need for those and trust us not to harm you. Ask and you will receive.

[tulip]

Wow, I am really shocked at the hostility to Z's post. I don't see her as holding a pity party. She's tired and in pain and depressed. She has serious issues she's dealing with. Telling her to get her head out of her a$$ seems to be a unnecessary and uncalled for. We all have issues, and what may not be a big deal for one may in fact be a huge deal for another. It's all relative.

Z--please reread Shootingstar's post. It's the one that resonates with me. Learn to enjoy riding a bike and being active. Learn to appreciate living, and for me that means appreciating really taking the time to experience all sorts of things. That means Slowing Down. Whether on purpose or forced, slowing down has all sorts of advantages.

As for the depression, do consider counseling. If appropriate, the counselor might determine that medications would be appropriate. None of us can make that call. None of us can judge your pain, either. We can only tell you our experiences that we have learned from.

Best to you.

[Biciclista]

I was certainly not being hostile I was hoping to help her see the way.. she asked for tough talk..

[mudmucker]

I don't percieve the OP as holding a pity party either. Nor do I detect any high degree of self-loathing. I see that this person has found themselves in a percieved difficult time, is somewhat confused on which direction to take, or is experiencing a motivational funk and is trying to sort through something that that hasn't been encountered in her life before. A temporary wall. Mostly looking for tools.

This is her FIRST post. She may not know the players in the game. I've been here since 2006 and would interpret the responses as an appropriate wakeup call or kick in the butt, knowing the internet personalities and temperaments of the responders. If I were new I might not feel that way.

I think salsabike, aggie, kiwi, tg, and NbyNW give sound advice. And because I know of Knott, yes Knott too in her tough love way.

And fer crying out loud, counseling doesn't have to be offered for every single malady. Yes she announced feeling depressed but many people can weather through the times without having to run to a counselor for every single setback and I should sure hope that the average person is well aware that counseling is always an option in their lives. Maybe that's too sensible a statement and people do have to be reminded.

[indysteel]

I don't percieve the OP as holding a pity party either. Nor do I detect any high degree of self-loathing. I see that this person has found themselves in a percieved difficult time, is somewhat confused on which direction to take, or is experiencing a motivational funk and is trying to sort through something that that hasn't been encountered in her life before. A temporary wall. Mostly looking for tools.

This is her FIRST post. She may not know the players in the game. I've been here since 2006 and would interpret the responses as an appropriate wakeup call or kick in the butt, knowing the internet personalities and temperaments of the responders. If I were new I might not feel that way.

I think salsabike, aggie, kiwi, tg, and NbyNW give sound advice. And because I know Knott, yes Knott too in her tough love way.

And fer crying out loud, counseling doesn't have to be offered for every single malady. Yes she announced feeling depressed but many people can weather through the times without having to run to a counselor for every single setback and I should sure hope that the average person is well aware that counseling is always an option in their lives. Maybe that's too sensible a statement and people do have to be reminded.

The mere fact that you refer to "running to a counselor for every single setback" suggests to me that you perceive some degree of weakness in seeking professional help. It also suggests to me that you don't know how serious depression can be. Would you say the same thing to someone suffering from a serious physical ailment?

For me, seeking help from a counselor was the first step in empowering myself to be happy and fully functional. There was absolutely nothing weak about it. Rather, it took a lot of courage and strength to not only make that call, but to fully commit to the process of therapy.

Depression can be serious business, and people suffering from it, especially if it's acute, often need A LOT of encouragement to seek help because it can be so paralyzing.

If I am misinterpreting what you wrote, then I apologize.

[shootingstar]

zombav,

I really don't whole lot to add since I don't have a pile of physical ailments (yet) like others here. But I recently lost my sister who as we found out too late, was quite depressed. She died by suicide.

We have our struggles at different stages in life.

Live your life well and in the now. You are alive and it's a gift. Cycling is a gift. I am reminded of this when I see anyone in a wheelchair.

[mudmucker]

The mere fact that you refer to "running to a counselor for every single setback" suggests to me that you perceive some degree of weakness in seeking professional help. It also suggests to me that you don't know how serious depression can be. Would you say the same thing to someone suffering from a serious physical ailment?

For me, seeking help from a counselor was the first step in empowering myself to be happy and fully functional. There was absolutely nothing weak about it. Depression can be serious business, and people suffering from it, especially if it's acute, often need A LOT of encouragement to seek help because it can be so paralyzing.

If I am misinterpreting what you wrote, then I apologize.

No I don't perceive it as being weak. Not at all, and it should be I that offer apology to you and those that have interpreted as such. I believe I have mixed in a pet peeve of mine in that, it seems to be the primary form of advice that is offered consistently from some individuals for a variety of situations. I interpreted the OP as perhaps seeking a more creative non-professional way of working through her problem other than "go seek a counselor" - which to me goes without saying if one is seriously depressed or unable to move forward. It was a reaction to the anticipated blanket suggestion rather than to the severity of the potential symptom.

However you are correct. I am first and foremost guilty of not understanding depression, nor understanding HOW people suffer from it, not having undergone depression myself. Nor would I recognize to a level, that people may not recognize they are even in depression nor understand how much encouragement is needed. I took the OPs statement merely as a form of the blues and she was seeking coping tools other than counseling. I of course don't know this. I respect those that go forward with counseling when needed because the ultimate result is personal happiness.

So in conclusion, I do apologize for any unintended offense to anyone and the apparent insensitivity of my comment.

[NbyNW]

Live your life well and in the now. You are alive and it's a gift. Cycling is a gift. I am reminded of this when I see anyone in a wheelchair.

Good point, except I take issue with your analogy of a person in a wheelchair. This implies that someone else is worse off, so you should be grateful for what you have. Which should NOT be the point. And should not make Z's challenges any less valid.

My colleagues who are in wheelchairs and/or are advocates for the disabled tell me that the person in the wheelchair doesn't want your pity; they are grateful for the mobility and independence that a good working wheelchair offers them. Whether they have needed it their entire lives or it is an adaptation that was needed later, the point is that you find a way to live your life meaningfully with what you have. Everyone struggles with this at some point. The when, why, how, comes in so many forms. It's not easy, but if you want to you will find a way. Some days you will want to take the path of least resistance and that's okay. Other days you will be branching out and trying new things.

Good luck, Z. When you are ready we want to hear your follow-up, that you are taking positive steps for yourself. Take your time and be patient with yourself.

[indysteel]

No I don't perceive it as being weak. Not at all, and it should be I that offer apology to you and those that have interpreted as such. I believe I have mixed in a pet peeve of mine in that, it seems to be the primary form of advice that is offered consistently from some individuals for a variety of situations. I interpreted the OP as perhaps seeking a more creative non-professional way of working through her problem other than "go seek a counselor" - which to me is a no-brainer if one is seriously depressed or unable to move forward. It was a reaction to the anticipated blanket suggestion rather than to the severity of the potential symptom.

However you are correct. I am first and foremost guilty of not understanding depression, nor understanding HOW people suffer from it, not having undergone depression myself. Nor would I recognize to a level, that people may not recognize they are even in depression. I took the OPs statement merely as a form of the blues and she was seeking coping tools other than counseling. I of course don't know this. I respect those that go forward with counseling when needed because the ultimate result is personal happiness.

So in conclusion, I do apologize for any unintended offense to anyone and the apparent insensitivity of my comment.

Apology accepted. Thank you.

But your raise some interesting points worth discussing, and maybe some misconceptions about therapy. I don't think you need to be acutely depressed or suffering from a discernible mental defect or disorder to benefit form talking to a therapist. I think it's important to see therapy not as a "coping skill" in and of itself but as a tool. A tool for understanding yourself better, for communicating better, for learning how to let go of thought patterns or behaviors that don't serve you very well and for practicing or learning better patterns of thought and behavior. Most of the "creative, non-professional ways of coping" that I've learned, I learned precisely because I was working with a therapist.

I'm not saying everybody needs to go to a therapist to get out a funk, but it can be a very useful way to approach any number of problems from the very minor to the incredibly serious. In the end, I simply don't really have a problem with the frequency with which some of us encourage others to seek counseling. It's pretty benign advice as advice goes. The simple truth is that there's a lot within the human condition for which professional counseling can prove helpful. It's no different than the host of medical issues that we can potentially face. Again, I ask whether you would encourage someone with a physical ailment to find a more "creative" solution than seeking the advice of a medical professional?

I do appreciate that you have no personal experience with depression. A sad mood--the "blues" so to speak--is not the same as depression. While things like exercise can help alleviate the symptoms of depression, it's rarely enough to handle anything but very mild depression. And maybe that's all the OP has, but given what she has on her plate, it's probably a good idea for her to get evaluated, in the very least, by a professional.

[mudmucker]

Apology accepted. Thank you.

But your raise some interesting points worth discussing, and maybe some misconceptions about therapy. I don't think you need to be acutely depressed or suffering from a discernible mental defect or disorder to benefit form talking to a therapist. I think it's important to see therapy not as a "coping skill" in and of itself but as a tool. A tool for understanding yourself better, for communicating better, for learning how to let go of thought patterns or behaviors that don't serve you very well and for practicing or learning better patterns of thought and behavior. Most of the "creative, non-professional ways of coping" that I've learned, I learned precisely because I was working with a therapist.

I'm not saying everybody needs to go to a therapist to get out a funk, but it can be a very useful way to approach any number of problems from the very minor to the incredibly serious. In the end, I simply don't really have a problem with the frequency with which some of us encourage others to seek counseling. It's pretty benign advice as advice goes. The simple truth is that there's a lot within the human condition for which professional counseling can prove helpful. It's no different than the host of medical issues that we can potentially face. Again, I ask whether you would encourage someone with a physical ailment to find a more "creative" solution than seeking the advice of a medical professional?

I do appreciate that you have no personal experience with depression. A sad mood--the "blues" so to speak--is not the same as depression. While things like exercise can help alleviate the symptoms of depression, it's rarely enough to handle anything but very mild depression. And maybe that's all the OP has, but given what she has on her plate, it's probably a good idea for her to get evaluated, in the very least, by a professional.

That is very well put.

Guilty of drifting. We should get back on to topic.

[indysteel]

Thanks. Sorry for the thread jack by the way. I just felt the need to address the issue. Thanks for listening.

To the OP, please apply what I've said to your own situation. To the extent I mentioned "patterns of thinking," think about what your telling yourself about yourself right now. Given what you're dealing with, now would be a good time to treat yourself like you would want your best friend or most loving family member to treat you. If you're finding it hard not to beat yourself up, then I truly would encourage you to talk to a professional.

At times like this, I often find myself rereading my own TE signature. It may sound rather pithy, but I think there are some good reminders there, not the least of which is to "practice wellness." For me, practicing wellness has required a concerted effort to be kind and gentle with myself. I'm all too prone to be very, very hard on myself, to the point that it becomes extremely counterproductive to my health and happiness. If that resonates with you, then you'll need to take some steps to change your inner voice. You are worth that kindness, but if you're having trouble believing that, then again, I would encourage you to work with a professional in that regard.

I wish you the best.

[spokewench]

Welcome Z - I see there's a little controvery in this thread, but believe me, everyone here has your back, no matter how they write their words. We've all been there where you are in some way in our lives; if it is injury, illness, pain and desolation. We've all had setbacks, some temporary and some not so temporary.

What we all have in common is that we care about others, we love bikes, we believe in a healthy lifestyle and all of us, in our own way, go out to achieve things that we didn't think we could do.

I can understand you being depressed at being told that (perhaps) you won't be able to do exactly what you have been doing in the past. You might not be able to increase your time in a tri; or whatever it is that you really are passionate about. This depression is normal.

However, many of us are even older than you are and I think want to offer you a perspective that perhaps you have not thought about yet since you are only 40 and relatively young. What I have found with age and aging is this. Nothing stays static. Everything changes and changes constantly.

How we deal with those changes is what makes us successful and happy with the aging process. Sometimes, we deal with an illness and injury by changing even more; chosing a different sport, doing different things that give us satisfaction, changing our outlook in what we do do so that we can still enjoy the great things that life has to offer us.

I have watched many people age, not just from 30 to 40 or 40 to 50, but I have watched my parents generation age too. The people that I find most fascinating and inspiring are those people who can embrace the changes, find a different or better way to do things, and live life to the fullest that is possible for them.

So, take this setback for what it is, and step forward with an attitude that you will make this work for you. That, you will learn and grow from this and that you will find a way to make yourself happy!

Please don't run away from this forum, these people are good at heart and I think you can gain from a different prospective right now. Take heart, the disappointment will fade, the depression will go away, and move forward with a good attitude. You may find that you will have a greater passion for life!

spoke

[KnottedYet]

When rehab professionals talk about "No Sympathy," we usually have something specific in mind.

(Calling for a metaphorical shove to the patient, rather than a cuddle.)

Z, I'm sorry if that wasn't what you meant and what I wrote wasn't what you were looking for.

[emily_in_nc]

Here it is- Sometimes in life you have to slow down and lower your expectations of yourself.

+1

I used to ride 3000-4000 miles a year. In 2004 I rode 4 centuries in 6 weeks. I used to be a fast "B" rider and could hang with some pretty strong riders in the bike club on weekend rides. I used to average 16-18mph on my rides on my carbon go-fast bike.

In 2005, while training for a spring century, I had a bike accident (collided with my husband while trying to escape two dogs running onto the road at me), broke my pelvis in three places, had to have surgery to put in a 5" metal plate and four pins in my ilium. Everything changed in the blink of an eye.

Now I ride about 750 (give or take) miles a year. I ride a Bike Friday folder with a rack pack (so practical!) and primarily do rides of 60-90 minutes. I haven't done an event in since '05. I average 12-13 mph. I often get pain on the upper part of my buttock that limits the mileage I can do and my ability to do back-to-back rides. I've done a lot of PT, but still the pain recurs.

Yes, I could be moaning and groaning about it, but instead I found other things I enjoy doing. I never ran or hiked before my accident. Now I do both. I also enjoy weight training, long walks with my dog, and have taken both yoga and Pilates classes, which were great. Cycling is still great fun, but I do it more to run errands now. I get great pleasure going to the markets on my bike rather than driving my car. I bought a mountain bike and started riding trails. I ride a cruiser bike at the beach.

I guess it's the old saying "when life gives you lemons, make lemonade" for me. After my accident, my inability to spend as much time doing intense road cycling actually opened up my time to make room for new activities that have proved to be equally enjoyable. Variety decreases the chance of overuse injuries too.

It's all in how you look at it. It sucks that you have a disease, and you may never be as fast or competitive as you used to be. But that doesn't mean you can't still enjoy the activities you can do for the intrinsic pleasure they provide, not just for the winning.

Oh, and I'll be 50 in April. It's never too late to try new things!

Good luck!

[shootingstar]

Good point, except I take issue with your analogy of a person in a wheelchair. This implies that someone else is worse off, so you should be grateful for what you have. Which should NOT be the point. And should not make Z's challenges any less valid.

My colleagues who are in wheelchairs and/or are advocates for the disabled tell me that the person in the wheelchair doesn't want your pity; they are grateful for the mobility and independence that a good working wheelchair offers them. Whether they have needed it their entire lives or it is an adaptation that was needed later, the point is that you find a way to live your life meaningfully with what you have..

I green highlighted this, which is essentially what I said.

I think I've mentioned this before in this forum: For 3 yrs. I worked at a rehab. hospital for spinal cord injured adults. Very early in my career, a yr. after finishing university. I'm sure the OP here, is aware of such clients that she may have encountered already.

No, people don't want pity but several ...such as close friends, will remind one if you should forget that they can't bike... such as friend who was mildly physically disabled due to childhood polio. She went hiking and backpacking for several wks. but she did gently reminded me when I went on rhapsodizing about a bike trip that I did.

Another friend who had severe astigmatism and also her eyes didn't stay still (don't know the condition) was registered as blind...her vision was quite low. Once she got pissed off at me when I remarked at the scenery going by when we were on a bus. She reminded me she couldn't see much at all. I literally forgot about her disability at times and it would come out in such blunders or in my case, it was genuine oversight.

And she would tell me, it ticked her off to read the media stories of super accomplished/athletic physically disabled..."either we're super human strong or gimps to be patronized). (Meanwhile she was very extroverted herself, became a manager, etc.....)

You know similar to wanting to do tris, marathons, but not successful, yet overlooking other accomplishments and pleasures in life. :rolleyes:

Wonder if original poster is reading all this.

[salsabike]

Wow, I am really shocked at the hostility to Z's post. I don't see her as holding a pity party. She's tired and in pain and depressed. She has serious issues she's dealing with. Telling her to get her head out of her a$$ seems to be a unnecessary and uncalled for. We all have issues, and what may not be a big deal for one may in fact be a huge deal for another. It's all relative.




Ditto. Z, please feel free to send me a message if I can be of any help.

[NbyNW]

Shootingstar, I was unaware of your previous work, and of course there will be variation among individuals regarding their experiences and sensitivities and the like.

The point that I REALLY wanted to make is that comparing the OP's struggle to adapt to life with RA to someone who relies on a mobility aid is not the same, and not very helpful to the OP. What would be helpful to her is examples of how others with RA manage their symptoms, stay positive, stay active, etc.

[Crankin]

I am surprised at the vehemence of reactions to this post. There are several here, including myself, who have been through a similar thing. It is hard to understand if it hasn't happened to you. We all have a certain "vision" of ourselves and when that is shattered, for whatever reason, it takes time to readjust the "new" you. When it is a change that you really don't want to make, even if it's the best for you, it is incredibly difficult. So while now I can take the time to smell the roses, I didn't want to hear that a couple of years ago, and I still get upset when I see or hear of others *older* than me, with much worse health issues, who are doing more. What helps me, is to put it in perspective from the point of view of my "regular" friends. They think I am a superwoman.
And that's where the counseling comes in. Try to forget that I'm a counselor... because when I went for counseling when I was going through this, I wasn't. I wasn't depressed... I was angry. I felt like my body had betrayed me. That, and a good dose of anxiety was making my situation worse. It really just took a neutral outside observer to help me see some things that I knew, but didn't want to admit. Dealing with a chronic illness is a difficult thing. Pair that with someone who is athletic and maybe competitive, there's a lot of adjusting to do. We've all found our own way.

[redrhodie]

I sit here and shake my head and sigh, as I struggle to find a solution that fits in with my life. I hired a trainer two weeks ago, and that is going well. I need someone to push me when I can't push myself. I am still doing my work-outs 5-6 times a week, but it is a mental struggle nearly every time. The pain and fatigue don't seem worth it sometimes. I am a therapist, and I use my mind and body to work everyday, and it's exhausting on it's own sometimes (most times).

My questions are:
How the heck am I going to ride the storm out?
How will I be able to do the Tri's and rides I do every year if I can't match my intensity of prior years?
Is this all there is?????

Z~

I think you need to incorporate at least one more rest day per week. Working out 5-6 times per week when you're not feeling great sounds like too much to me. There's a time for pushing yourself, but this may not be it. And I mean real rest, with some pampering. Do you get massage therapy? That really helps with recovery, both physical and mental, IMO. Also how is your diet? Are you eating enough? You're not starving yourself to lose weight, are you? I would consider consulting a nutritionist.

Know that there will be good times ahead. This is temporary.

[mudmucker]

Z,

I think just about all of us who have responded in this thread has experienced a physical setback or diagnosis that was very disruptive to our lives. We have responded because we each can identify with it. Last year I was diagnosed with cancer and am dealing with some of the physical aftermath of that. I have 2 autoimmune diseases with another one brewing (that being mild RA and am seeing a rhuematlogist myself). I also have been an active athlete my entire life, and had a competitive nature in my earlier years.

I am 50 now. Just about each and every day any one of those ailments alone or together cause me some level of fatigue or physical discomfort or pain. I have understood, these are the cards I am now dealt with and I may never be who I was in terms of physical performance. The only option is to move forward in as least negative fashion as possible - there can be some positive light within all of this. But you don't have to be deprived of physical performance or competition. It is still there available for you. As others have said, it may just be different.

For me, the hardest part of all these ailments is the fatigue. Once I have ongoing fatigue, it just unsettles my whole system. It's exasperating. I resort to autopilot and begin to function at what I call my highest preservation mode. Then I must do everything I can to preserve my sleep hours - that is if I'm lucky enough to have some good sleep hours. That means if I'm not feeling well, tone down the volume of extreme physical activity. That means, maybe use that day for pilates or yoga instead of an intense workout. That means, I might have to cut out on some social engagements because I am just not up to it. That means I may have to cut out the alchohol that I wanted that evening. And many more. Add pain to that and it sure doesn't help. Add a high octane job with a long commute to that and that sure doesn't help. You also mention, the pain, the fatigue, and an exhausting job. So these are some of the compromises I must retain. Yes, I still go out and cycle, run and xc ski because it's something I must do. You are a competitive athelete so you know how to read your body. But as many other have mentioned, with the pain and fatigue of RA you will have to do a little adjusting and take heed of your readings. You will not be able to ignore things as you may have in the past. As numerous others have said, pamper yourself. Over the years though, because I have read and done my adjustments now I have some days or waves where I have contiguous days of feeling good. I have learned how to adjust by listening and finding what works and have developed my own set of tools to accomodate with what seems to be a very uncooperative body. Ultimately then, despite ailments I end up with some fairly good physical performances for my age. But that's not from working out 6 days a week. That's from working out smartly and using each less frequent workout to a maximum advantage - not wasting workout time on things that may not be as beneficial. Reading your new body and making your new adjustments however will take time. It can all be ok. As for dealing with the specific pain that your level of RA gives..that I can't answer.

Redrhodie points out something very important. And that is food. With all the fatigue and pain you are fighting against, you will require the best nourishment. As an athelete you know this intellectually. You mention the weight issues and she has astutely remarked on taking care not to compromise the nourishment you require for the extra added pain and fatigue you are experiencing with the desire to lose weight. If in fact that is happening it certainly is contributing to more fatigue.

And for the answer to your question, "is this it?". Other previous posters have made thoughtful remarks and answered, no it is not. It just may be different. And listen to the numerous reponses advocating being open to new doors and opportunities to incorporate something different that you haven't thought of.

All of this however, is all part of the aging process in general anyways, and what we all must do to accomodate ourselves as time goes on. Your situation is just a little accelerated and maybe more extreme than others around you.

[malkin]

No sympathy?
Be careful what you ask for.

Go knott!

[tulip]

I don't think she's coming back. Not sure I would, either. I wish her well.

[OakLeaf]

I hope my posting this doesn't creep her out more ... but one of the stats available on the public profiles is your last visit, and she did check in yesterday evening. Hopefully she's seen this thread evolve ... and hopefully she hasn't been hurt by what any of us has said.

We can get a little intense here. :cool::rolleyes:

[mudmucker]

We can get a little intense here. :cool::rolleyes:

Yes, I notice this typically happens about this time of year when many of us are all cooped up. It tends to dissipate when spring rolls around and we all get out on our bikes.

[emily_in_nc]

Yes, I notice this typically happens about this time of year when many of us are all cooped up. It tends to dissipate when spring rolls around and we all get out on our bikes.

True, but I love these winter threads. Since most of us aren't riding much, if any, this time of year, it allows us to talk about deeper things. Yes, maybe it can get intense, but some really interesting and insightful stuff comes out of these discussions, I think.

[emily_in_nc]

Emily, I thought you were younger than me.

Heheh, had you fooled! :p Actually most people think I'm in my early 40s. But I think that's as much because of the way I act as the way I look. I'm pretty hyper. :D

I've decided that I'm really going to embrace turning 50. When I turned 40, I didn't want anyone to know. I didn't look 40, didn't feel 40, and thought that sounded so "old". That was a hard birthday for me. So, I didn't mention my age to most people through most of my 40s; I just let them keep guessing. Now, I've decided that since I look pretty fit and youthful for 50, I'm not going to shy away from revealing my age. Perhaps I'll get a few responses along the lines of "No way! You don't look 50!" If so, that will make me feel pretty good. :rolleyes: And if not, I'll try not to care. :o

[NbyNW]

Speaking of the turn of decades, I had the most delightful conversation over the phone yesterday, with a gal at my insurance agent's office. She was talking about the experience of recently turning 29 and going on 30, and how she was just gaining a new appreciation for everything and everyone around her. She was feeling so grateful that she could spend her lunch break running on the Burke-Gilman trail, train for her first tri at Lake Sammamish, loving the discovery of an active lifestyle that her in-laws introduced her to . . . it was one of those infectiously happy conversations. And she apologized for talking my ear off, but I felt so happy for her and so enjoyed hearing about her experiences I told her to keep talking.

She was taking a wonderful, celebratory, big bite out of life at the prospect of turning 30. I loved hearing about it.

Those decades can be a big deal. I do remember being almost too busy to notice when I turned 30. I'm a couple years away from 40 . . . wonder if I'll be too busy again or if it will be a time for reflection.

[jobob]

40 wasn't hard for me at all; 45, on the other hand, was a little bit rough, because right around then I started to need reading glasses and I started to notice other things that reminded me I was getting on in years, argh.

But my 50th, that was an excellent birthday -- it wasn't too long after my recovery from my bike crash and I had a lot to be thankful for! :cool:

[Crankin]

30 and 40, no big deal. 45 bothered me a lot. I was getting fat and unhappy. 50... no problem, nor 55. I think 60 is really going to bother me.
Most people think I am in my 40s. I went out to dinner with someone I worked with at my internship last year the other night. She asked me, "How old are you?" When I said 57, I could see her eyes get wide. She definitely thought I was about 45.
I don't say anything to anyone about my age. Yesterday, I went for my physical. I saw a new person in the practice, who asked me what the secret of my excellent hdl/ldl ratio was at "my age." I replied that there was no secret: diet and exercise.

[ridebikeme]

KNot, I love your attitude! I had several college coaches with that mindset, and have to say that they motivated me at times when I didn't have any!

I think the hardest thing sometimes is the expectiations we put on ourselves. We always strive to do more, and sometimes it comes back to haunt us. While I have no great words of encouragment, I would say that we should all be thankful for each and every day that we have here. Take care of yourself physically, but also don't forget to take care of the soul... that is the driving force behind all of us. It's the part that allows us to get in touch with everything around us. I've often heard that people who live in Alaska say that they felt a great deal of energy while living there, and while I can't fully understand it... I tend to believe it.

So lastly, I would say compete only with yourself, make yourself better and in the end that's all we can do. Keep a journal of good and bad days, workouts, sleep patterns, diet etc... perhaps that will lend some useful information.

take care!

[OakLeaf]

Heh, I'm 51, and I have yet to have a birthday as hard as 25 was.

Reference that depression I mentioned. It was four years later before I started treatment. At 25, I was back in school after a two-year hiatus after undergrad. A third of my life was over and I hadn't accomplished anything! :eek:

It's funny to look back on, but I really struggled with it at the time.

50, meh. 40, even less so. At 30, so many things were going on in my life that it was actually kind of exciting.

If I make it to 60 (part of thinking and feeling young, for me, is NOT believing I'm immortal the way so many people seem to when they get to be our age) - I may struggle with that. Hard to tell yet. (ETA - that's probably part of why turning 40 was so easy for me. I turned 40 not long before the turn of the millennium. In the 1980s I don't think I knew a single soul who thought we'd survive to see the year 2000.)

[Trek420]

Yes, I notice this typically happens about this time of year when many of us are all cooped up. It tends to dissipate when spring rolls around and we all get out on our bikes.

Admin, Jeff: can we get a SAD disclosure built into the reg form "warning, if you are in the Northern Hemisphere the natives get a little testy around this time of year" ;)

Interesting thread, I hope OP's reading and comes back.

Trek - 54 and still moving with osteo arth - 420

[mudmucker]

Yeah, I sorta liken it to a school of piranha, all frenzy like, some disoriented, some focused.:D We need a fish icon with fangs.

I'll be the first to step up into the disoriented camp. That and I gotta go refill my bedside IV drip of Vitamin D that's gone empty.

[jelee1311]

Wow,I haven't been on in a week and posts got angry. I was busy turning 40 two weeks ago and it was awesome!!!! I've worked with masters athletes most of my life so 40 seems like just the beginning. I understand the frustration of physical ailments not allowing you to do what you want or used to do. Maybe its time to change perspective. I watched my daughter ride her bike one day enjoying the wind on her face with no intention of where she was going or how fast, just riding and smiling and enjoying herself. So on the days I feel crappy I try to ride like that and enjoy myself. I try not to get caught up in the things I can't do and just be thankful for the fact I can ride ,because there was a time I couldn't.

[OakLeaf]

Relevant, on how devastating even a temporary injury can be to someone who defines himself as an athlete:

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2011/01/25/AR2011012502636.html

[Crankin]

I can relate to every part of that article.

[graywacke]

to the OP...
i was dx with RA at age 24, i'm 36 now. at age 26, i ran my first marathon (my first race of ANY distance) with the arthritis foundation...i was pissed that i had RA, and i needed to prove something to myself. at age 31, i got married but first i got a personal trainer, lost 20 pounds, got a road bike, and quite frankly got into awesome shape and totally redefined myself in terms of being an athlete. i also ran 3 more marathons (at 4:00:46, very respectable i think), did a TON of halfs and shorter races, a bunch of sprint tris, and always tried to push myself to get new PRs. at age 33, i had a baby, so my priorities changed a bit, but i still eeked out some running PRs at the shorter distances.

now to the part that is more relevant...in 2009, age 34, the RA got into my neck and ankle (previously it had been largely my wrists...making cycling challenging in term of shifting and braking). running...nope. although i am getting back into it, my talonavicular joint in one ankle has been eroded and i've lost a lot of range of motion. and a lot of running fitness. i ran one 5k in december, and even though i did try to just be happy to be out there (and i was), it may have been my slowest race pace ever (slower than my marathon pace, and this was just a 5k). i WANT to run again..i sort of can, but not fast or far...and that SUCKS, mentally. i tried to do more cycling (and i did...go to www.californiacoastclassic.org, i did this in the fall and it's awesome and raises $ for the arthritis foundation), since i hadn't really done any "racing" i didn't have the ame expectations for myself as i did running. i got a lot better at swimming, and lat summer entered 3 "aqua-bikes" which is basically a bike-swim, you're "allowed" to not do the run part of a tri. heck i even won one. but i had NO competition, so that was bittersweet.

i guess this...you will just have to get through it. it DOES SUCK. i can't sympathize, but i can EMPATHIZE because this is me, too. i am going through it NOW too. i cry sometimes, when i see runners out on the road and think, i used to be able to do that. i miss who i was. but it does get better...the RA part, it comes and goes. when you get on the right meds, it will get better.

i have a blog...www.musclesandra.blogspot.com feel free to comment there, and i think you can email me too through that.

clare

[Xrayted]

Hmmm. Interesting thread. But just barely. Here's my take on it all... :rolleyes: :rolleyes:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cMO8Pyi3UpY

Yeah, that's about what I think of it. Smile and have a nice day. :D