Bike vs truck

[Melalvai]

The truck is in the ditch. My daughter's in the hospital. I'm not sure who won.
The short version:
My daughter and I were biking home from clarinet lesson last night at 6:00 p.m. I was right behind her. There was a vehicle a long ways behind us. I thought we had time to make our left turn into our driveway when I scanned. I don't think Nell scanned but she would have made the same judgment. We both moved to the left part of the lane which is a maneuver to make ourselves more visible. I signaled as she started the left turn. The truck however was passing us.

The truck collided with her front wheel. We're not sure which vehicle hit the other.

It all happened right in front of my eyes and I'm not sure which vehicle hit the other. I don't remember that part of it. I remember screaming. I screamed a lot. So did Nell, after she regained consciousness.

She has a fractured skull, which the neurologist is not worried about. He's more concerned about possible bruising. Her pinkie finger is broken and she has amazing road rash. They transferred us to the Columbia hospital. It's possible she can go home today, probably at least by tomorrow.

Nell wears her helmet 100%. I wear my helmet 99.9%. Seriously--out of 365 days, there were 3 rides that I did not wear my helmet (excessive heat). After last night I am a 100% helmet. WITH the helmet she "only" has a fractured skull.

Is the bike ok? According to the police report the bike sustained minor damage and the truck moderate. Probably most of its damage from driving off the road! I think her bike is going to be fine with some repair.

Is the clarinet ok? It was in her basket, with her music, a bungie cord over it all. The basket was zip-tied to her rack. The zip-ties broke and are scattered all over the highway. The basket landed neatly upright in the grass.

[PamNY]

Oh my goodness; that sounds so frightening. I'm glad things aren't worse and send all good wishes for a quick recovery.

[Becky]

Oh my gosh! Sending good vibes your way!

[tangentgirl]

Scary! But all in all, sounds lucky. Here's to a speedy recovery.

[OakLeaf]

Oh, man.

((((((Mel & Nell))))))

Sending good vibes for quick healing (both physical and emotional).

[Eden]

Wow - I'm glad she's (mostly) OK. I hope the driver gets at least a few tickets!

[lph]

OH MY G... :eek: What a terrifying experience. I would much rather be in a crash myself than witness my son be in one. Thank to the powers that be for just touching wheels - and good healing to your poor daughter. That road rash is going to be h*ll.

[jessmarimba]

That must've been awful to watch as a parent, knowing you couldn't do anything to stop it. I'm so glad she will be ok.

I just hope the driver learned something from the experience and feels bad about it, rather than feeling defensive and "in the right."

(And the helmet thing - I used to be pretty lazy about it for slow casual dirt path rides. Now I have a hard time not lecturing every cyclist I see without one, regardless of where or what they're riding!)

[Owlie]

Holy cow. Good vibes your way, to both of you.

[badgercat]

How scary that must have been for both of you. :( I'm glad she'll be ok.

[indysteel]

OMG; that sounds awful. I hope Nell recovers quickly and completely and that you recover from the shock of seeing your child injured right in front of you. Did you or the cops talk to the driver? Was there some confusion on the driver's part or was she/he just intent on not sharing the road?

This scenario hits home for me because we have to turn left from most of our rides into our driveway and live on a street where motorists seem REALLY intent on ignoring the 20 mph speed limit. Even when I'm not on my bike, I get incredibly angry about it. The local park is on the same street so there are usually a fair number of kids in the area.

[OakLeaf]

I am NOT NOT NOT saying this was in any way, shape or form your fault or Nell's.

But when I'm turning left on a road with traffic, I signal for a LONG time, and I usually point my finger and waggle my wrist up and down (point to the sky while leaving my elbow extended, then point left, repeat several times). Figuring that the movement will make my signal more visible. Plus I'm always wearing either hi-viz yellow, or a couple of my older winter things are bright red.

Just my practice ... and if it helps someone avoid this situation in the future, that's all I mean by sharing it here.

[Cataboo]

Oh Mel, I'm so sorry :( I hope your daughter recovers quickly.

[hebe]

oh no. I hope that Nell makes a full and fast recovery, and that you are ok too, I think I would be in pieces. Please be gentle on yourself for a little while, won't you? I can't imagine that the shock will fade quickly and you'll need to give yourself a little time.

[Biciclista]

wow, amazing... heh, you sound SO CALM here. I'm so sorry your daughter got so scratched up and i'm glad it's "only" a skull fracture too.

what i want to know is why is the truck in a ditch? what wasthe driver doing that ended up off the road?

[Melalvai]

17 year old kid, 55 mph speed limit. (The neighbors have already said they're going to city council to get the speed limit lowered.) He drove off the road because he swerved to miss Nell, then lost control. He actually went back across the road and ended up in the ditch on the other side. He ran up to us saying "I'm sorry I'm sorry" and he said she turned in front of him. I wonder if perhaps he saw me signaling and was looking at me thinking "Why is she pointing left?" and maybe didn't see Nell at all. Turns out he is the nephew of someone I work with.

As far as Nell's cycling, she has had Bike Pro and although she has not had the formal Traffic Cycling 101 class, she knows all the material and has extensive cycling experience with me. Therefore I know her common faults and I know how she contributed to this wreck.

1. She didn't scan again before that left turn. Making the turn means you scan, scan, and scan again. She was tired & hungry at that point, and she is not very good about scanning. I think she relies on me to scan for her and alert her. Since I had said "Wait for this white car," I think she thought I meant that after the white car it was clear. In fact, I scanned and saw the truck in the distance and thought we had plenty of time. I would have been able to make the turn ok, but she takes her turns more slowly than I do. Even though he was going faster than I realized, I think I would have been able to make the turn--or I would have scanned that last time and not committed to the turn.

2. She didn't signal her turn. Again, I think she relies on me to do her signaling for her.

It's possible if she'd been biking by herself that she would have done those things instead of relying on me.

What I learned from this is that I think children are safer BEHIND the parent instead of in front of us. We like to keep them in front of us so we can see them. Well, I saw her all right. I saw it all happen right in front of me and nothing I could do about it but scream and scream. Which I did. But it happened so fast the first scream didn't come out until it was all over!

I think the driver is a good kid and as far as 17 yr old boys go, he is not a reckless driver. I think he was within the speed limit, but he should have slowed down to let us finish the turn.

Yeah, this might be a little traumatic for the parents!! Certainly has made for a memorable week.

They're keeping her here another night. The skull fracture is not a concern but there is a hematoma and some swelling.

[kimikaw]

Wishes to Nell for a speedy recovery!

Same to you...seeing your child get in an accident like that has to be terrifying/horrifying. So glad it sounds like the injuries aren't too bad, and that she'll be home soon.

[jessmarimba]

Seeing the age of the driver...he was probably just clueless as far as how to deal with bikes on the road. How to read them, what to look for, what you're doing when you take the lane, and even what a signal looks like from a cyclist. He's also probably not a good judge of speed yet - yours or his own. I'm sure he'll take a big lesson away from this. I just hope his parents or his insurance don't try to turn it against you guys.

I hope you and Nell are doing better!

[crazycanuck]

Holy Sheep! :eek::(

I wish your daughter a speedy(yet careful) recovery.

[jelee1311]

My heart goes out to you,I read your post and cried. I ride with my 9 yr old daughter and I cannot imagine seeing her hit I'm sorry. You seem very calm and forgiving I'm not sure I could feel the same way so soon afterwards. My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your daughter

[Catrin]

OH MY, I am not a parent and can only imagine what this must have been like to have to watch. I hope Nell has a quick recovery and there are no problems with bruising - the fracture sounds bad enough. Sending healing thoughts to both of you!

[Crankin]

I hope Nell is feeling better.
You probably have a good feel for what actually happened. But, an accident is an accident... it sounds like the young, inexperienced driver contributed a good deal to this, no matter what you or your daughter did. Most adults don't know what to do where a bike is concerned.
Oak, I do the same thing when I am turning left! My friend calls it the "mean schoolteacher finger." I signal forever and wag and shake, pointing my finger, to emphasize my intent to turn. Sometimes I am actually shaking my whole arm.

[Melalvai]

They ended up keeping her an extra day. This morning they say discharge today! Not eating yet but it's been several hours since she last threw up.

I don't know about calm & forgiving, but I know the driver's aunt.

I know that even with all this bicycling is still a safe mode of transportation and the health benefits vs safety. But it's going to be difficult to bike on that road again. And difficult for me to bike with her on any road. Of course the road is the one that our house is on. No way to avoid it!

I am going to get her bike fixed and get a new helmet. Then I will tell her, once she is able to, that she needs to get back on her bike right away no matter how scary it is, so that she won't be traumatized for life and never be able to get on a bike again. Not on that road--we'll go to a trail.

I'll have to think about how I want to present certain info when we teach the bike class in the spring. I was taught, and I believe & teach this, that since only 3% of collisions involve an overtaking car that we should be more concerned about traffic in front of us. I've also told students that it is different on rural roads, that overtaking cars are more of a concern than on urban roads. I guess my feeling now is to emphasize that difference more.

My neighbor said he's going to talk to City Council about how to get the speed limit lowered on that road. There's a lot of runners, hikers, dog walkers and cyclists there. I've always been concerned about the 55 mph speed limit since we moved here in June.

[redrhodie]

(((Melavai))) I literally felt nauseas reading that. How scary! I hope Nell is okay. Watching your daughter go through that--I can't even imagine how horrible it must have been.

[sfa]

OMG, how scary for everyone involved!!! I'm so glad your daughter wasn't more seriously injured! I'm also really impressed with your ability to look at the situation logically and see what could have been done to avoid the accident, and also about how you can incorporate this into your teaching. I know I learn a lot from experience, but I think at this point I'd still be shaking all over and the learning would come AFTER my daughter was home safe and sound!

[Cataboo]

This is me just being vaguely paranoid - but in case there's any issues with the truck's insurance company and assigning fault, maybe we should all edit our posts in this thread and make sure your daughter's name isn't mentioned?


I hope she gets discharged today!

[PscyclePath]

Mel:

Somebody has to be that 3%, I guess... and for the record, I'm one of them too :rolleyes: Bad things sometimes happen to even the most experienced riders when they let their guard down.

I like your approach to the lesson, though. Probably the best teaching point from this experience is to remind your students never to move left or right on the roadway without scanning behind you to make sure the coast is clear.

There is a greater hazard with this on rural roads, because the speed differential is going to be much greater than on the downtown city streets. I live on the same kind of road down here, and there have been a couple times I've had to stop and make a "box turn" to get in my own driveway because of the traffic.

Hope all gets better...

Tom

[Melalvai]

Thanks, Tom, I was really hoping you'd weigh in on this. That makes me feel a lot better to know that you've been one of the 3%. This is a little crazy but one of my initial reactions was that my daughter's crash damages my credibility as an LCI! (I'm laughing at myself now.)

To tell the truth I'm kind of scared of going out on that road now. But I will make myself do it anyway. I might always do a box turn to come home. That's ok!

[Melalvai]

Yesterday my neighbor emailed me and said, sorry to hear about this and I'm going to ask City Council next week what we need to do to get the speed limit lowered on this road.

[redrhodie]

To tell the truth I'm kind of scared of going out on that road now. But I will make myself do it anyway. I might always do a box turn to come home. That's ok!

I had a really minor brush with a car this summer, and I for sure had some PTSD afterward for a few weeks. I had intense anger come up any time a car did anything stupid. Stuff that I was always able to brush off, suddenly really bothered me.

You've been through a huge trauma. Give yourself some extra care and time to heal. Be aware that you could have PTSD from this.

[Melalvai]

You've been through a huge trauma. Give yourself some extra care and time to heal. Be aware that you could have PTSD from this.
You are right about that. They let her come home yesterday afternoon. I went to the grocery store to get her more strawberries and chicken soup, for when she can keep food down again, and I was suddenly irrationally terrified of everyone I saw. Later my husband went out to pick up her prescription and when he got home he burst into tears. At night I have to wait until I've re-lived it over and over again before I fall asleep.

We decided not to run any more errands ourselves for a little while, but to accept everyone's offers of help and send them instead!

[Crankin]

What you're describing is acute stress disorder. It is differentiated from PTSD in that it lasts for less than a month.
Melavai, you and your family might want to see a therapist 1-2 times to help process the accident. If you don't and the symptoms continue, then it can become PTSD. Make sure you see someone experienced with trauma.
In the meantime, be kind to yourself. If you can, do some meditation or yoga.
PM me, if you want.

[zoom-zoom]

You are right about that. They let her come home yesterday afternoon. I went to the grocery store to get her more strawberries and chicken soup, for when she can keep food down again, and I was suddenly irrationally terrified of everyone I saw. Later my husband went out to pick up her prescription and when he got home he burst into tears. At night I have to wait until I've re-lived it over and over again before I fall asleep.

We decided not to run any more errands ourselves for a little while, but to accept everyone's offers of help and send them instead!

I'm sorry that you've been though this...but so thankful that everyone is OK. Be gentle with yourself. I think the recommendation to seek counseling as a family is a good one. Such a physical and emotional trauma. You will heal, but the wounds are still very fresh. I hope it is not long 'til riding is a relaxing, positive experience, again.

[redrhodie]

How are you both doing?

[girlsubobscura]

I'm glad to hear that she is ok and recovering. This really serves as a wakeup call to not let my daughter rely on me to scan the traffic.

[Melalvai]

How are you both doing?
Nell is doing really great. She was awake all day yesterday. Friends from school came to visit and she had a wonderful time. I let them stay 2 hours because she was doing so well. She ate better, and today her appetite is much closer to normal. It's so funny because she was SO hungry when we were on our bikes, and then never did get to eat for several days!

I think I am doing better. I went to the grocery store this morning by myself and I was only a little concerned that everyone in the store might run into me. I'm still cleaning & cooking like mad. It's the nesting instinct!

I've come in to my office for an hour or so today. I just want to look at what I had been doing, not try to do anything, so next time it won't be a complete stranger.

[spokewench]

How awful! I just saw this post. Though a skull fracture is serious, I'm really glad it was not worse. Hang in there and I hope your daughter, once she is recovered, will ride again.

[pfunk12]

Not sure how I missed this original post - given the subject line. I'm glad to hear that you are both doing much better.

[tulip]

When I get really hungry, I get really spacey and make mistakes. Just a thought for the future.

I'm glad your daughter is on the mend. Take care of yourself.

[OakLeaf]

When I get really hungry, I get really spacey and make mistakes. Just a thought for the future.

I'm glad your daughter is on the mend. Take care of yourself.

+1. Confusion and indecisiveness are the first things that happen to me when my blood sugar is low. It doesn't normally happen to me on the bici, but for sure I carry a gel or two with me on the moto.

[zoom-zoom]

When I get really hungry, I get really spacey and make mistakes. Just a thought for the future.

That's a really good point and something I need to be more mindful of while biking, too. When I am hungry and tired I get sorta tunnel-visioned and only can concentrate on getting home for a snack when I need to be thinking about my safety, not my belly. All the more reason to stash an energy bar in my seatbag for "emergencies."

[jessmarimba]

Completely agree. Hungry and tired is what made me wreck back in July. I'd lost my sports drink bottle on a drop on our first lap around the trail - the second lap was primarily to look for it! (never found it). Going on 4 hours with just water and a mini lara bar was not enough.

Hope Nell is recovering well and you're hanging tough yourself! I had a semi go around me like that once in a car - I'd turned my blinker on at the top of a hill, knowing he was behind me and he'd need time to slow down. Thank goodness I checked my mirror before I turned left at the bottom, b/c he was passing me instead. Caution gained after an experience like that is a lifelong lesson, but it took awhile for the paranoia to subside.

[Trekhawk]

YIKES:eek:
Sending wishes to your daughter for a speedy recovery.

[Biciclista]

hugs to your whole family. Sounds like your daughter is doing great

[Melalvai]

Thanks all, the latest round of well-wishes came at a great time for me as I just woke up from a bad dream (an actual dream, not the real nightmare) that left me feeling kind of low again.

Nell is doing great. We think she'll be in school later this week. We even thought maybe a half-day yesterday, but she (wisely) took a 3 hour nap instead. She's eager to be back with her friends and she is sure getting bored. She hasn't looked at her homework yet, and I've told her she has to do that before I let her go back to school, so that I know she can do something mentally fatiguing.

As she is getting better I'm more able to focus on myself and realize for the first time that I'm not actually fine. Yesterday the screaming in my head stopped at last! (For several days whenever I closed my eyes I endlessly replayed my own screaming.) I felt so calm and peaceful that I finally quit cleaning like a maniac and felt very lethargic. I even took a short nap at the same time she did.

I could tell I was feeling down in the evening so I did some yoga, and this is kind of weird: "Warrior II" reminded me of my left turn signal and suddenly I was replaying the entire thing again. It was so strong & vivid it left me with that bitter taste & nausea. So much for yoga!

I know I'm going to be ok, give myself time, these things will stop, and get back into a normal routine sooner than later--and get back on my bike too. My parents are coming up this weekend and I told my dad to bring his bike. We're going biking no matter how cold it is, just to get me back on my bike. I dread getting on my bike by myself, and forget about biking on the road where it happened (in front of our house), but I am really looking forward to going for a ride with my dad.

[kmehrzad]

Mel - good idea about getting back on the bike as soon as you feel comfortable. So sorry about the accident and am glad to hear that Nell is doing well. Give yourself time to get over this shocking incident ... ease into your routine. You've got your well wishers from TE behind you girl.

[OakLeaf]

Hugs to both of you. I'm so glad your daughter's feeling better.

I strongly second Crankin's recommendation to talk with someone about it, just a few sessions. If that isn't feasible, journal, journal, journal. Process the feelings so you're not still dealing with them to this extent months from now.

[Crankin]

Mel, I am sorry the yoga evoked those thoughts. That's why yoga is actually a system of therapy to process trauma; trouble is, that sometimes when the stuff is so vivid, someone should be there with you to talk about it at the same time.

It sounds like things are moving toward recovery.

[PamNY]

Thanks all, the latest round of well-wishes came at a great time for me as I just woke up from a bad dream (an actual dream, not the real nightmare) that left me feeling kind of low again.

Processing trauma takes as long as it takes. You can count on me (and I'm sure everyone else here) for the long haul.

I'm so glad you are able to share some of this -- it does help, and it does sound like everyone is moving toward healing. I hope you enjoy riding with your dad.

[jelee1311]

I'm sorry yoga wasn't more of a comfort to you,hopefully you can find something else to help. Maybe it will be a ride with your dad,just hang in there. I'm glad your daughter is doing so well,kids are amazingly resilient. You will get through this it just will take time (sigh) sending good thoughts to you

[Melalvai]

Yesterday I went for a jog and it was GREAT. I saw 2 deer. I felt really good during & after the jog. Then I talked to the director of the Fitness Center about bicycle advocacy stuff and that was really good too.

Today I went for a swim. That didn't go so well. I did get into the "zone" but it wasn't a good zone. I got really really angry. When I realized that, I tried to re-direct my thoughts, eventually gave up and got out of the pool. But I went on to have a (comparatively) productive day after that.

It felt really, really weird to drive to the gym, and to drive to the pool. (2 miles & 3 miles)

Yesterday Nell tackled homework for the first time. She got annoyed with the tedious math matrices so she spent an hour programming her calculator to do it (it probably would have taken 20 minutes to do the whole assignment by hand). Because of the wreck she's behind on her NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month) and she wrote about 2000 words for that. So obviously she can handle mentally fatiguing activity!

She went back to school at lunchtime today! Her shoulder hurts so I carried her very heavy backpack to her locker. I followed her like her packhorse through the halls and saw her greet a kid here and there, and then a whole chorus of "Nell!" just like in Cheers when Norm walks in the bar. I expected her to be exhausted at home, because even yesterday she got really tired around 7 pm, but she's not. She came home and wrote another 2000 words.

So she's doing better, and I'm doing better, and no one had nightmares last night. My husband who is the calm pillar of strength through all of this is finally starting to show some signs of stress. He's not sleeping so well and he's very, very tired. And a fair bit irritable. I'm keeping an eye on him...he's coping with it his way, by watching star trek marathons.

My parents will be here in a couple hours. I am really looking forward to their visit.

[tulip]

Any chance you can get your daughter a small rolling suitcase/briefcase for her books? Better than backpacks, particularly when injured.

[Melalvai]

Any chance you can get your daughter a small rolling suitcase/briefcase for her books? Better than backpacks, particularly when injured.
I suggested it to her and she pointed out that it wouldn't fit in her very small locker. Oh well.

She's doing really well. She's had 2 full days of school. I've biked to work, I'm getting better too. Her daddy...has watched a lot of tv. That's how he copes with things! The cats sleep on us. And the young one chews on our hands. (But not on her broken pinkie.) That's how they cope. :)

[Melalvai]

I am not a pessimist, I am a realist, and the few times I display some optimism it generally gets shot down. Like the time I was 90% sure I was going to get a job offer and didn't. Or this time, when MoDOT and City Council were being so cooperative about the possibility of changing the speed limit on our road.

MoDOT said they'd do a traffic study. The MoDOT engineer called me yesterday. He was super nice. I mean he called me personally instead of making me track him down. And he was really nice on the phone. But the result is-- cars drive 55 mph in the 55 mph zone and therefore they aren't going to change the speed limit.

I am astounded at this logic. Remember when the interstate speed limit was lifted and Montana had no speed limits? People drove 100+ mph and the highway fatalities skyrocketed and Montana eventually imposed speed limits again. People are lulled into thinking that it is safe to drive 55 mph because that is the posted speed limit. This is how speed limits are determined? By the average driver?? I thought there was something more to it, something involving experts and analyses, not 100 people whose only credential is a driver's license (if that).

As nice as he is, if it had been his daughter on that bicycle...

Well, it's a blow, because I really thought with everyone being so kind and cooperative that it was going to happen. But it's not over yet. Only I was so upset that I'm going to wait a few days before I look into the next step.

[bmccasland]

Wow! Not sure how I missed this thread. Melalvia, I hope you and your daughter continue to improve and can recover, mentally and physically, from the accident.

Can you and your neighbors go to a City Council meeting about lowering the speed limit on the road? Is it a city owned road or a county owned - who actually has the responsibility to set the limit? Seems to me, if the cyclists, runners, and walkers that use the road and the shoulders remain silent, then nothing will get done. I'm going with the squeeky wheel logic here. If a group of you show up at a council meeting and voice your joined concerns, then maybe the limit could get lowered.

[hebe]

I find it surprising that a residential area would have a speed limit of 55mph. From the driving that I've done in the UK it seems common that residential roads have a limit of 20, 30 or 40 depending on the density of the housing and whether or not there's a school nearby. I think there might be a very occasional 50 if it's an isolated house, but generally housing results in a lower speed limit.

I hope they reconsider their position.

[Melalvai]

I talked to both city council and MoDOT. The 55 mph zone crosses the city boundary. City told me to talk to MoDOT and that MoDOT would make a recommendation to City. MoDOT told me they'd do a traffic study. They did the traffic study and made the recommendation--keep the speed limit 55.

The stretch we live on is not a residential street. It's a state highway that is in an urban-rural transition zone. But it is heavily used by cyclists & joggers. In fact cyclists were 2nd on the scene.

Nell is fully recovered and after this weekend she'll be completely caught up on schoolwork. She has 2 more follow up doctor's visits but she has already been cleared to resume all activities.

I'm getting better. More on that later.

[Melalvai]

Yesterday was my first visit with the counselor. I knew I had super high hopes, if not expectations, going in and was likely to be disappointed. My first impressions confirmed this. The building has a "for sale" sign out front (presumably the clinic is renting), the office is a bit shabby and not overly clean. No one was at the desk and the counselor came out and explained they were all out smoking. This is harsh, unfair, not nice but I'm just reporting my first impressions-- the counselor is an overweight smoker and I thought "SHE's supposed to be able to help ME?" (Later I thought maybe she does know something about overcoming problems, perhaps she's already overcome other, less visible problems.) Worst of all, she started off by saying that my reaction was perfectly normal, it will take time and can't be rushed and there's really nothing I can do.

Then why am I here? I was ready to get up and leave and only politeness kept me from walking out. She even mentioned anxiety pills! I KNEW she would which is why I had been trying to find a counselor that anyone knew anything about. I don't need a drug pusher. I made it perfectly clear that I'm not interested in pills.

Finally she said something about relaxation exercises and I asked for more information about that. Things started to improve at this point.

1. Positive cognition. (It annoys me that scientists have to use big words. What's wrong with "positive thoughts"?) We believe what we tell ourselves. There was something about eating grasshoppers. Three times a day, I'm supposed to repeat "I'm safe" 10 times. (Actually the grasshopper story was encouraging, because from here on out she started talking about actual studies. Because of my science background I respond well to citations of studies.) Furthermore, I can use this technique to interrupt a flashback or anxiety attack.

2. Journaling. I asked "What should I write about?" because I write a lot daily. I keep a blog for instance & I've shared a lot on here. She said, write about my feelings about the wreck, or whatever my strongest emotion was that day. That was a relief because I don't like to think about the wreck, and I don't want to write about it. I'm supposed to journal three times a week for at least 15 min.

3. There's some technique, I didn't catch the name, supposed to help process the memories and get them out of the front of my mind and into long term storage where they belong. It involves remembering the wreck, and I don't like to think about the wreck, so I'm not looking forward to this.

The last thing she mentioned was that my guilt is feeding into the flashbacks & anxiety attacks. That sure hit home. I don't quite understand though. She claims my guilt feelings are irrational and have no basis. Well, many factors contribute to any wreck, and I was one of the factors for this wreck. That's a logical fact.

While my first impressions weren't good, it got better after that, and upon reflection I'm positively inclined toward her. So long as she doesn't try to push drugs.

[Crankin]

PM coming...

[Melalvai]

Over the break I used the positive cognition a LOT. I walked & ran a lot, and I got a little of that anxiety when cars overtook me, so I used the mantra "I am safe, I am loved" when I got that anxiety. I also practiced it at bedtime and waking up.

On Monday I decided to ride to the pool. I pretended like it was no big deal. By that I mean that I frantically thought about anything else in the world besides the fact that I was getting on my bike for the first time in a month. Right away there was an overtaking vehicle and the anxiety came on just as strong as before. It took my breath away nearly. Then I remembered what I was supposed to do, use the mantra, and doing it distracted me from the anxiety.

Having practiced it so much with walking & running really paid off. After that first big wave of anxiety, I haven't had another like that, just little bits of it which are easily fended off. And in between I'm enjoying riding, because I got monkey lights for Christmas and they are BEAUTIFUL, and the sunset tonight had a stream of pink light shooting up through a cloud which was beautiful. And a (an?) opossum ran away from me.

The other thing was flashbacks, and I haven't had nearly as many of those. I did have one on my bike and I was able to think back and figure out what triggered it--it was just a big mack truck that had kind of resembled a fire truck. Silly. Anyway when I caught myself in the flashback I went back to the mantra.

As far as journaling, I've found that difficult, which is odd because I love to write (and talk) and I've kept a journal in the past with no difficulty. The reluctance is because I know I ought to write about the wreck and I still don't want to think about it. But one day I wrote about a topic that peripherally touched on an aspect of the wreck, and I got really angry again at the officer who didn't give anyone a ticket. My heart was pounding and my face was hot, I was so angry. I put the journal away immediately. Then a few days later when I came back to it--I wasn't angry at him anymore.

I've biked every day this week. I am hesitant to say I'm back on the bike, because I thought I was before, but it's looking good.

I had my second appointment with her today. I hadn't been sure I'd go back to her, because I wasn't totally impressed, but her 2 suggestions had been very helpful so I was willing to go. I was a little leery of the 3rd suggestion, because I don't want to remember the wreck at all. But she said I was doing very well and didn't need to come back, in fact it was only a half session today. So I don't have to do the remembering the wreck.

Not sure how I feel about that. She's taking my word for it that I'm ok, and I don't know that I trust my judgment. She did say that I might improve steadily for a while and then have some days that get worse, but overall I'll probably continue to improve. And that if it turns out that isn't going so well to give her a call.

She also said at some point well after this (like after this wreck is well behind me) I should probably investigate my feelings about the car wrecks that have killed my little cousin & a classmate here & there, because she thinks I took up bicycling as a way to have control over those fatal wrecks.

Even if I have to stop again at some point, it's good to be riding my bike for now.

[Crankin]

Glad the mantra is working.
However... I find it a bit strange she terminated with you after 1.5 sessions. Even if she really believes what you feel and say, this is not usual practice. At the least, you would schedule a final session, to wrap up and process what has happened in your sessions. It's good that she left the door open, so to speak, but even if things are going well, it seems like she would want to check in with you in 2 weeks or a month. Things like flashbacks and intrusive thoughts don't go away so quickly.
Just my opinion.

[badger]

oh wow, talk about being in a daze!! I missed this completely. I'm glad that your daughter's okay and that you're getting counseling!

I think people take for granted that a shock to the system takes a long time to sort through.

I was hit as a pedestrian in a crosswalk. Thankfully I only got away with major bruising to my hip, but I'm always paranoid crossing the street now. But preoccupation is so deadly - almost the exact same thing happened to me last week while crossing the street. 100% right of way but some loser shot through to turn left. Probably didn't even bother to look for pedestrians. I was fiddling around with my thumb holes in my sleeves as it was raining and then *whoosh* and *honk!*

The car I walked past and waiting at the light saw all this and honked at me to warn me. It startled me to no end but the loser speeding through a left missed me by a couple of inches. He was going like stink, too, so had I made contact, I would've been a whole lot worse than a bruised hip.

People are in such a rush these days, but it's always so so important to be aware of what's going on around you and not assuming that you're safe just because you have the right of way.

sorry it's kinda turned into my own rant. But I'm really glad you're getting the help to move on!

[BleeckerSt_Girl]

People are in such a rush these days, but it's always so so important to be aware of what's going on around you and not assuming that you're safe just because you have the right of way.

One of my personal biking mantras I say to myself in traffic is:
Just because I am supposed to have the right of way doesn't mean others are going to give it to me.

I mean, who always 'wins' in car vs. bicycle collisions? Frankly, having had the right of way doesn't really matter when you're dead. :( These are just things I keep in mind when i'm biking. I always assume drivers are going to do the wrong thing. When they do the right thing it's a pleasant surprise.

[Melalvai]

badger, I had that reaction a couple days ago when an SUV ran a stop sign. She slowed down but didn't look and went right on through! I was already in the intersection when she approached it. (Not that it is such a huge intersection--I was moving slowly because of road conditions.) So I couldn't have done anything if it had occurred to me that she might not stop.

It just took me by surprise. Even though once or twice I've had similar experiences, they are rare enough that I forget them in the interim and I just expect people to stop at stop signs, because they always do.

It could have happened just as easily if I'd been in a car instead of on a bike. I suppose the same is true of her--only her SUV is so much more deadly than a bike!!

[RidingBuddy]

I'm so sorry that you are going though all this. It's been a while since your last post here on this thread and I wondered how things were going for you. I've been in a similar situation and felt many of the same emotions.

[Melalvai]

Thanks, RidingBuddy. I'm not yet quite the confident cyclist I was pre-wreck, but I've heard 6-12 months so I'm ok with being easily frightened for a while yet. There was a truck roaring up behind me, with oncoming traffic, and I knew I ought to take the lane to give it no chance of trying to squeeze past me, but I just couldn't do it. I drove off the road instead.

My daughter biked to school for the first time since the wreck. The hold up has been the weather, not so much her nervousness, although she was nervous on this first ride. I posted it here (http://forums.teamestrogen.com/showthread.php?p=557883#post557883) but that's a long thread so I'll re-post:


Today was the most amazing commute I can remember, a special moment I'll treasure for a long time: my daughter biked to school for the first time since her Nov. 3 wreck, and I accompanied her.

Fortunately I didn't notice until after we got home again that she wore the same shirt she wore that day, the t-shirt that had to be cut off of her, that I sewed up! To be fair she didn't select it on purpose. It was her favorite t-shirt before the wreck, because all her best friends had signed it, and it has even more meaning for her because it survived the wreck.

I rode next to her, or in front of her when there was traffic. I don't want to ride behind her (that was my position when the wreck happened). We took the longer way home, because I don't do the left turn into our driveway anymore, I go past it on another street and come back up and turn right.

She was really nervous until she got on the bike. The night before she wanted to change her mind about biking. She was hoping the fog would stick because I said we wouldn't bike if it was foggy. But by morning she was ok.

I met her at school so I could also ride home with her. I felt a little silly because she's 15, she can get home by herself, but I'm not comfortable letting her ride by herself (which is ridiculous because she wasn't by herself when she got hit) and she's not comfortable either. Anyway both trips were really great mom-daughter time.

She came out of school saying how hungry she was. She was super hungry on that last bike ride too. We stopped at the gas station for a (unhealthy) snack, and ate it in a nice little park. (We'll do better next time.)

4-day weekend because of inservice days, then it'll be kind of cold again, but she's looking forward to the next time she can bike to school.

[RidingBuddy]

Oh, so good to hear a good experience. I know you are a super experienced and educated cyclist, so I know you will find ways to process through this. I found that I have become a different cyclist because of my traumatic experiences. There are times when I use my traffic skills more boldly, other times where I defer to traffic.

I would say that 6 to 12 months will help with the trauma. It probably wont ever go away, but it will get easier.

this past year (and it's been several years ago) I had a particularly bad flashback, because I was in a very similar situation. I was really mad at myself for reacting, but I've since learned to accept that flashbacks will happen, just to be prepared for them and try to ride them out.

Take care!!