Having a Rough Time of It

[colorisnt]

Would just like some words of wisdom.

I am trying so hard right now and nothing is working. I am fighting the Financial Aid office tooth and nail and it is a rather long story, but no one seems to believe that this is wrong at first, then they do and, finally, claim there is nothing to be done about it.

I have been maligned, told I am wasteful - you name it.

I have always been good with money, but it is very hard to be when you are without a paycheck for 2 months and without your loans/fellowship you were promised for 3 months.

Even the federal government says the school is ultimately the one to fix it and the last time I talked with them, I was told I just needed to stop spending money. The only things I have bought here were furniture, school supplies, food, bras (god forbid, but I am 34DD and they are expensive and NECESSARY), and a commuter and commuting gear which have saved me a ton in gas and a ton in time. I haven't even gone shopping in MONTHS.

So, it really bothers me that people call a bed a luxury and a couch not necessary. I eat on a card table for god's sake! I am just really low.

Any words of wisdom/encouragement would be much appreciated.

[Roadtrip]

Don't really have any advice, but wanted to send some positive vibes your way, sounds like you need them.

((((((((((( colorisnt ))))))))))))

Many people out there are having it really tough and it sucks when someone flippantly says well do this or do that like their idea is the golden ticket for your troubles.

Don't let those that ask repeatedly about your situation get to you, they only mean well... they just don't realize it's a constant reminder of how things are not going exactly as you would like. Of course you'd tell them if your situation changed. The waiting game is the worse.

When your hands are tied it's about the worst feeling in the world. Yes, just stop spending money... one can live on the street.. one could beg for food to eat... one could sell off all of ones possessions and live at the Y.

Easy for the person living in the mansion to tell you to give up everything and easy for the person with a job to say.. GET a job.

Keep your chin up and just concentrate on what you CAN do.. what you CAN change.. the rest will take care of itself.

Good luck!!
Shannon

[colorisnt]

Thanks. Yeah, I am just sick of people saying that I need to stop spending. Boy, would I LOVE to spend some money on nice clothes or a pair of shoes, but just cannot right now. I have restraint. I have to, otherwise I WOULD be on the street now.

But I am trying so hard. Really, I am!

I am doing very well in my program - extremely well - and THAT should be my focus, that and my students, but even that is hard when I know that I will not be able to enroll in next semester's classes if something is not done.

Like you said, it's the feeling of powerlessness that is the WORST.

[jessmarimba]

I have been there, and it sucks. As an undergrad I couldn't get loans because my parents wouldn't file their taxes correctly (so I couldn't complete a FAFSA) and I was under 24 - but not emancipated. I had such a wacky school schedule that it took forever to get a job even waiting tables. After I was thoroughly exasperated and one manager told me to come back in the summer when my schedule opened up, I finally told him that I'd be homeless by then. At least they hired me. I spent my last two semesters in a house without heat because of an error on the landlord's part (unfortunately, he was a lawyer and the son of a prominent lawyer and no one would take him on legally). I'm still paying off credit card debt that I used to pay for my books and food.

It WILL get better. I promise. And I wish I had advice as far as the financial aid people :(

Meantime...is there a friend you haven't spoken to in awhile that you'd like to catch up with? A yoga class? A scenic drive with a picnic you could enjoy? I'd take you out for ice cream if you were in town!

[Melalvai]

I'm going to be in town Monday and maybe we can hook up. You need a pick me up!

MU has some pockets of intellectual wealth contained in a matrix of heartless bureaucracy. Which includes everything financial. For me it was trying to get health insurance when I was on a "prestigious" postdoctoral fellowship that made me ineligible for employee health insurance. You are not the first person I've heard of who has gone months without a paycheck at MU.

I don't know who is telling you to "just spend less" but they are WRONG. I hope it is not your adviser who has said that. S/he and your department should be going to bat for you, helping you navigate the bureaucratic hurdles.

You are right, the powerless feeling is the worst of it. Everything is more bearable if you feel empowered. "Financial aid" that leaves you feeling powerless makes you question whether it's worth it.

Hang in there!!!

[colorisnt]

Thanks so much guys, and yes, I will hope to get to see you, Melalvai. I appreciate the support.

I really have been blessed with a dept. head who is willing to go to bat for me. He is in Windsor, Canada right now and still making calls for me. So, that is a great thing.

Jessa,

My best friend is in London right now interviewing for a job. I usually speak to her either today or tomorrow and my friend who is also at her uni. But they are both busy. He is presenting a CS paper in Surrey I think. IDK. i really just long to go home. Can't. No money, no time, no me driving 16 hours in a weekend.

I know what it is like when people don't take your need for funding seriously. I seems as though everyone thinks if you are wealthy enough to be here, you don't really have problems. However, I do!

I've never had to let things accrue interest on a credit card in my life, but now my Dad has suggested I do it to survive because it will get figured out sooner or later. And we are talking about $600.00 of debt, not $10,000 or anything. I didn't even know how APR worked because I have never used a cc like that. Dad is a banker and we are taught to build credit smart from day one. No interest.

It just scares me, I guess. And now I know why many of my clients whom I worked with on medicaid and disability this summer were so frustrated. You do all you can and people STILL judge you. It's like people don't understand that I DO have a job. I DO work very hard. I graded 77 papers in 5 days. It's not a cakewalk. And I don't complain about it. I do care about my students and am there for them. However, I still feel judged. That is what is wrong.

[inkspot]

I'm so sorry to hear about your troubles with financial aid! As a fellow grad student I am so enraged to hear that you have been treated so poorly :mad:! You are paying for the privilege of doing work that will ultimately benefit the reputation (not to mention the bottom line) of the school. The work and care that you have put in to supporting and guiding your students shows just how hard you are working in order to be the best student you can be, and that benefit to the school should never be overlooked or minimized!

In order to continue to work as hard and effectively as you can, I agree that a bike, bed and a couch are not unreasonable expenditures! You need to sleep well to be refreshed and productive, and you have chosen a form of transportation that costs WAY less than anything else out there!

I sincerely hope that financial aid comes around quickly and gets this issue sorted out! It sounds like you have a wonderfully supportive department head (such an amazing resource!), and it wounds like he is really trying to get things resolved. In the meantime, know that you have a huge community of women here who are willing to support you in any way we can!

Sending you lots of hugs!!

[colorisnt]

Bless you inkspot for reminding me of something that most of us forget - they benefit from us.

I am already working on a really interesting paper with two faculty members with a brand new, very, very important data set. So, yes, they are benefitting from me doing analysis. They don't have to pay me all that much ;)

I feel a lot better this morning after talking to Melalvai last night and hearing from you all! It's nice to have a community of strong women to look up to. I definitely do back home - the most stubborn women alive haha - but they are 8 hours away.

[colorisnt]

I got my money!

They finally agreed to send me the money!

[redrhodie]

You must be so relieved! Congratulations!

[inkspot]

I'm so glad to hear that they finally came through for you, colorisnt! :) I hope this is the start of a great week for you!

[JennK13]

Yay! Congrats and what a relief!! Hugs to you!

[PamNY]

Congratulations -- I'm so happy for you. It will all be worth it in the end, but I'm sorry the process has to be so annoying. I guess I shouldn't make a joke like "don't spend it all in one place."

[emily_in_nc]

Happy Dance! It's so nice to hear good news! :p

[Blueberry]

+1 on the Happy Dance!! So very glad for you:)

[colorisnt]

I am SOOOO happy to know it is over! Had a great dinner with some cool people and am relaxing after a nice warm bath. I will sleep well tonight.

[jessmarimba]

I'm so happy you got everything taken care of. Money can be so much stress.

[Owlie]

Another happy dance for you! :D

[Melalvai]

I am SOOOO happy to know it is over! Had a great dinner with some cool people and am relaxing after a nice warm bath. I will sleep well tonight.
They liked you too. :D
I'm so relieved it worked out once the grad school dean stepped in. Another bonus outcome--the grad school dean knows you by name, and you know him by name & by sight. That may or may not be useful one day, but it should boost your confidence during the next few years as a lowly grad student.