Midlife

[bikerchick68]

Midlife is when the growth of hair on our legs slows down. This gives us
plenty of time to care for our newly acquired mustache.

In midlife, women no longer have upper arms, we have wing spans. We are
no longer women in sleeveless shirts, we are flying squirrels in drag.

Midlife is when you can stand naked in front of a mirror and you can see
your rear without turning around.

Midlife is when you go for a mammogram and you realize that this is the
only time someone will ask you to appear topless.

Midlife is when you want to grab every firm young lovely in a tube top
and scream, "Listen honey, even the Roman empire fell and those will
too."

Midlife brings wisdom to know that life throws us curves and we're
sitting on our biggest ones.

Midlife is when you look at your-know-it-all, beeper-wearing teenager
and think: "For this I have stretch marks?"

In midlife your memory starts to go. In fact the only thing we can
retain is water.

Midlife means that your Body By Jake now includes Legs By Rand
McNally--more red and blue lines than an accurately scaled map of
Wisconsin.

Midlife means that you become more reflective...You start pondering the
"big" questions. What is life? Why am I here? How much Healthy Choice
ice cream can I eat before it's no longer a healthy choice?

[jobob]

tee hee hee :D

[singletrackmind]

With all these wieners stuffed in my bra the girls are looking perkier than ever! :eek:
I am going to have to get another set of gloves, seems I've worn mine out with all this hand standing...let's see, what's it going to take to cancel out nearly 40 years on my feet? :D
Darned you, gravity!

(no, it's never going to end.....)

[Pax]

Excellent! :D

Now if someone would just invent a desk mounted anti-hot-flash ray with a button to switch over to now-I'm-freezing-my-jigglies-off setting I'd have a full existence. :p

[SadieKate]

Midlife is when the growth of hair on our legs slows down.What? Someone forgot to tell my body. Droopy and hairy, wow, I feel so sexy. :rolleyes:

[jobob]

I hope you don't mind that I stole the last line for my latest sig line. It speaks to me ...

[doc]

:D I too love the healthy choice line. I plan to work it into conversation soon :D

[Trekhawk]

Excellent! :D

Now if someone would just invent a desk mounted anti-hot-flash ray with a button to switch over to now-I'm-freezing-my-jigglies-off setting I'd have a full existence. :p

Hey Queen here is a quote for you

"real women dont have flushes they have power surges"
Sandra Cabot Physician and Author.
:D

[Pax]

Hey Queen here is a quote for you

"real women dont have flushes they have power surges"
Sandra Cabot Physician and Author.
:D
Great line! Now lets add some A/C on demand and it's allllllllll goooooood! ;)

[RoadRaven]

Ah... love this... haven't seen it all before... and I heard that one about real women having power surges just last week

Most excellent

[DirtDiva]

Gee. So much to look forward to... :eek: :rolleyes: :p

[CorsairMac]

*cigh*....now if I could just have one of them thar "power surges" while cycling instead if while sitting on my hinney eating Healthy Choice and watching the tube - or at 2 am just about the time I Really fell asleep! :o

[mary9761]

Excellent! :D

Now if someone would just invent a desk mounted anti-hot-flash ray with a button to switch over to now-I'm-freezing-my-jigglies-off setting I'd have a full existence. :p


Reading this made me go get my signature from my other email account. :D
I may have to change it to your quote LOL.. :p

[CorsairMac]

ROFL Mary!!!!! I LOVE that one!!! I love that So much better than power surges!! TYVM my friend!

[bikerchick68]

LOL... glad you all enjoyed this one!

jobob- no prob... I love that line too... the other one that killed me is that women in sleeveless shirts are really flying squirrels in drag :eek: :D

I have to tell ya all, I have not yet hit menopause. That being said, when I was in Manhattan in June my best friend and I went to see a highly recommended play off-Broadway called "Menopause, the Musical"...

it was a riot... and depressing all at once! :( :D :( :D :( :D :eek:

LOL... great. As if gray hair, wrinkles and the mustache aren't enough. sigh... :mad: :rolleyes: :D

[newfsmith]

I remember my shock at realizing my son had started shaving and then I started getting more than "peach fuzz" on my upper lip, why didn't Mom warn me the two happened at about the same time?

[singletrackmind]

Mustache?? Well, at least for me that won't be an aging shock as I've been dealing with one of those most of my natural life :eek: ....
...and why do they put all that excess hair on the most painful possible places to remove it??? :confused:
I'm thinkin' we got the short end of the wax strip on that one!

[Pax]

Mustache?? Well, at least for me that won't be an aging shock as I've been dealing with one of those most of my natural life :eek: ....
...and why do they put all that excess hair on the most painful possible places to remove it??? :confused:
I'm thinkin' we got the short end of the wax strip on that one!
I was driving with my dad in the car recently and he looks over (with the setting sun to my side) and says "honey, when did you grow a mustache?? Mom smacked him good and explained the facts of life to him...he still has NO clue what he said wrong. :D

[ladyjai]

um.. mustache? :eek: please no! lol

[Pax]

um.. mustache? :eek: please no! lol
Well it's actually a soft pale blonde fuzziness so don't be too alarmed. :D

[doc]

We've certainly talked about waxing on this forum before, so I'll bring it up again. I wax my mustache and while it hurts like, well like pulling hair off your upper lip, it lasts a long time. It's definitely worth it. Plus its relatively cheap to do. Nothing like the cost of bikini or leg waxing.
See my avatar, that's me before my waxing appointment

[Asphaltgirl]

and a double yes on seeing "Menopause-the Musical! it was like one huge sorrority party-the new lyrics on old songs, the jokes, ....it was so good. The play is almost everywhere now--saw it in Boston, but if it's anywhere near you--see it!!

Anyone else have tweezers (along with extra reading glasses) in every room of the house (and the car??). getting real good at red light upper lip plunking!

~~AG~~

[mary9761]

I'm not supposedly perimenopausal yet, but I have poly cystic ovary disorder so I have a LOT of similar problems. I would gladly deal with a head full of GREY hair if it meant I had a HEAD FULL OF HAIR. :(
My hair is very thin on the crown of my head, I've not got the moustache (YET) but I have the whiskers on my chin. :mad: Until I'd started riding the hair on my legs HAD slowed growing, now, since I'm riding, I nearly need to shave them daily. :eek:
Hot flashes UGH... want to run screaming Nekkid and then it STILL wouldn't cool you off.
I don't know where I originally found the inner child playing with matches quote, but I loved it so much I put it on my siganture for my main email account. :D

[Pax]

...Hot flashes UGH... want to run screaming Nekkid and then it STILL wouldn't cool you off...
While we're spending a quiet evening reading or watching a movie, my SO has gotten used to me jumping out of my chair and yanking off my shirt while exclaiming "OH MY GOD IT'S HOT IN HERE!!!!".

[mary9761]

While we're spending a quiet evening reading or watching a movie, my SO has gotten used to me jumping out of my chair and yanking off my shirt while exclaiming "OH MY GOD IT'S HOT IN HERE!!!!".

and of course if anything like my husband, didn't mind a BIT you being topless LOL...
;)

[Asphaltgirl]

see Bikerchick68 was right in one of her other posts: (even if they're hot flashes!)

How to treat a man:

Show up naked.

Bring chicken wings.

Don't block the TV

[bikerchick68]

yep, I wax my mustache too... the pain isn't nearly as bad as when a sweet little 5 yr old girl tugged her dad's arm while staring at me and said Daddy, how come she has a mustache? :eek:

the poor dad nearly collapsed in horror, I turned bright red, and the child waited patiently for an answer. I've been waxing ever since. :rolleyes: :D

[DirtDiva]

While we're spending a quiet evening reading or watching a movie, my SO has gotten used to me jumping out of my chair and yanking off my shirt while exclaiming "OH MY GOD IT'S HOT IN HERE!!!!".

I have promised my mother (pretty much on pain of death) that I will call her up in twenty-something years and appologise profusely for laughing at exactly that kind of behaviour.

[SandyLS]

[QUOTE=Asphaltgirl]and a double yes on seeing "Menopause-the Musical! it was like one huge sorrority party-the new lyrics on old songs, the jokes, ....it was so good. The play is almost everywhere now--saw it in Boston, but if it's anywhere near you--see it!!

I agree. Great fun. Took my sister to see it in Detroit last weekend for her birthday. She's 12 years younger than I am so she is just begining the journey through menopause while I've been through it and lived to tell about it. The musical made for a great girl's day out. Sure a lot more fun than buying her another sweater!

[Yasmin]

Just relating to the perimenopausal thing...no one tells you that you get pimples & sore breasts for 2 out of 4 weeks, just like when you first started up. Then there's the overwhelming urge to SLEEP 12hrs/day for 2 weeks prior to the period which you don't know you're gonna get 'cause it's not the clockwork 28 days anymore. It's just a never ending steam of surprises...can't wait for the hot flashes!!! Tried pasting an "eek" face here but I haven't mastered the technique yet.

[CorsairMac]

oh no - wait until you haven't had a period since March and then WHAM!!! you get one with ALL the bells and whistles!! Thank goodness I hadn't given away the unopened Instead cups yet! :eek: Gotta just LOVE this whole mid-life thing! LOL





as for posting the "eek" face....just click on the face you want just to the right of your posting box - it should just show up wherever your cursor is! ;)

[bikerchick68]

all your responses are cracking me up...

I have to say, I went to Manhattan in June... wanted to catch a couple shows so saw Rent on Broadway... then some lady told my friend and I that we HAD to see "Menopause: The Musical"... that it was hysterical... so we got tickets and went...

I have not actually HIT menopause yet... Upon going to the play, they made it VERY clear what was gonna happen in the coming years... it was damned near depressing what I have to look forward to! :mad: :o :D