Can't insert tampon

[Melalvai]

My daughter (15 yrs) has had her period for about a year and a half, which happened to coincide when she wasn't on swim team. Recently she joined again, and she did the swim part of the triathlon with us today. Last night was a crisis because her period started and she has never successfully used a tampon.

She had tried early on and gave up. She had tried with an entire box of the smallest size. A friend advised us to try Tampax Pearl as having the easiest applicators so I got the smallest of those--still no luck. She was sobbing because she'd have to miss the triathlon. Since it was in a lake, I told her to put a pad in her swimsuit until right before the start, then take it out for the swim. That worked this time but it won't work for swim meets!

Last month her solution was to skip a week of swim practice, and she's been worrying about it ever since. I wish I'd been less oblivious and realized the problem sooner.

She doesn't think the problem is an overgrown hymen because she did manage to get one tampon in once (but not sufficiently far in, I think, it hurt and she took it out). I'm going to take her to a doctor to make sure everything is ok.

Any thoughts or suggestions? She's interested in the DivaCup, which I've heard great things about, and besides with that we'd know how much which is an issue (I think she, like me, has unusually heavy periods, but I've never been able to prove it). But if she can't insert a tampon I don't see how she'd be able to insert the DivaCup.

[Grits]

Maybe some lubricant on the applicator? If it is not a physical thing ( I would make a MD appt to check things out if this isn't resolved soon), then it could be a mental block, tensing up because she is afraid it is going to hurt thus creating a vicious cycle. Maybe doing something different - like adding a lubricant- could help.

[KnottedYet]

Sometimes a retroverted uterus can make tampons a misery to use.

There's nothing wrong with a retroverted uterus, but it can cause problems with things like tampons, diaphragms, and Diva cups.

Of course, the doc can't tell in the office without doing a pelvic exam, which would be cruel at this point. Maybe an ultrasound?

[malkin]

A kind and understanding doc or NP can help her figure out what's going on and how to deal with it comfortably.

[Melalvai]

They're all DO's around here, that's like halfway between MD and ND right? LOL
Sounds like doctor's visit is the next step, she did try lubricant. Could be she's just tensing up too much, the right doc could set her mind at ease. The wrong doc could set her back so I will make sure we get a right one!

[malkin]

However you feel about other services they provide, Planned Parenthood has the information your daughter needs, and they deal routinely with girls her age.

[Thorn]

However you feel about other services they provide, Planned Parenthood has the information your daughter needs, and they deal routinely with girls her age.

+1 IMO, your daughter really needs a good nurse practitioner who specializes in gynecology. Someone who will take the time to listen.

The staff at the PP clinics are amazing. All controversy aside, they do offer some of the best women's health care around.

[KnottedYet]

Agree, Planned Parenthood is a great resource.

[sjane]

Sometimes a retroverted uterus can make tampons a misery to use.

There's nothing wrong with a retroverted uterus, but it can cause problems with things like tampons, diaphragms, and Diva cups.

That's the first thing I thought of too. Has she tried angling it different ways? I think they say to aim it towards your back, but I have to angle tampons or the DC towards the front.

[pumpkinpony]

Perhaps have her try OB. I've found that regular Tampax type tampons are too long for me and very uncomfortable. OB works great. Easier to position too, since they are smaller. They have a Silk Ease (http://www.ecrater.com/p/7164609/ob-silk-ease-multi-pack) version too, which would be good if you could find it.

OB has a free sample here (http://www.obtampons.com/mightysmall/en/register_landing.jsp).

[zoom-zoom]

+1 IMO, your daughter really needs a good nurse practitioner who specializes in gynecology. Someone who will take the time to listen.

The staff at the PP clinics are amazing. All controversy aside, they do offer some of the best women's health care around.

Totally. Some of the best reproductive care I ever received was from PP. Sure beat the jackhole OB. :rolleyes:

Re: the Diva Cup, if she did decide to eventually try menstrual cups, I think the Diva Cup would be the last one she might want to try. They are the largest ones on the market. I had no luck with them, even after having a kid. Something smaller like the Mooncup (UK or US--mine is the US one) might work better.

But my guess is that she'd have an even tougher time with menstrual cups. There is a bit of a learning curve with them. I have a tilted uterus and found menstrual cups a bit challenging at first...not sure if that was due to my uterus, or just having a relatively small vaginal canal or what.

[szsz]

I have a tilted uterus and found menstrual cups a bit challenging at first...not sure if that was due to my uterus, or just having a relatively small vaginal canal or what.

I had this experience as well -- very challenging. Also, difficult to remove. If daughter has a heavy flow she might be in the situation of needing to remove + empty in a public washroom, which could be a hassle.

[jessmarimba]

She might be just stressed about using them and is tensing up unconsciously. I was probably at least 20 before I could comfortably use tampons on a regular basis, and I've actually had problems on occasion towards the end of my period where inserting a tampon completely is ridiculously painful (and not worth it).

Definitely get an appointment for her, regardless of the cause. I hope she can find a solution soon! It would suck for something like that to interfere with something she enjoys as much as swimming.

[Dannielle]

I have always had a hard time with tampon (and I'm 40). I can get them to work but I have to lean forward, like in a squat but with my chest on my thighs, to get it in. Things must be tipped weird or something because I cannot insert it unless I'm in that position.

I can use a mooncup (like a diva) but I have to turn it inside out (which makes it shorter and gets rid of the stem).

[zoom-zoom]

I can use a mooncup (like a diva) but I have to turn it inside out (which makes it shorter and gets rid of the stem).

I cut my stem entirely off. The thing drove me nuts and didn't do anything to aid removal.

[moonfroggy]

i had vaginismus (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vaginismus) that made using a tampon impossible for a while then it got possible but unpleasant then i did biofeedback and it is possible now with few problems.

[Kiwi Stoker]

Yes I realise this will be a contraversal idea, but it's an idea to chuck in the pot.

What about the pill? That way she can plan ahead for races and skip a period (or stop all periods) if she wants to or alter it by a few days. There's other benefits as well like lighter periods, can help acne etc.

I wish my mum had helped me ask the doctor to be put on it earlier- the misery of painful and heavy periods while doing an active physical sport (in my case karate- ekk white gis anyone. It was sometimes very embrassing)
and trying to work out whether or not an important event would clash with it.

I realise this also would depend on your personal beliefs on the matter but the pill isn't just for birth control.

[OakLeaf]

That's got to be every woman's personal decision (and I have to say, as much as I would leave it up to any adult woman, I do NOT think an adolescent should take hormones). But at the risk of stating the obvious, if a woman can't put even something small and narrow in there, there's a strong likelihood that she'll find great pain when she should be having great pleasure, and I don't mean during swim meets...

+1 on Planned Parenthood. The NP spent plenty of time with me making sure I knew how to insert and remove my cervical cap. (And I went to PP well into my 40s, as long as I had to worry about such things, because they are the ONLY people in my area who offer a full range of birth control options. Most of the GYN offices I called, the receptionists had never even heard of cervical caps.)

If there isn't a PP in your area, maybe there's a certified nurse-midwife who would have the time for your daughter.

[Melalvai]

If there isn't a PP in your area, maybe there's a certified nurse-midwife who would have the time for your daughter.
The nearest PP is in Columbia, which is 90 miles away, not horribly far but I'd prefer something closer. How would I locate a midwife? I believe they are finally legal in Missouri because a couple years ago a politician threw away his career to slip that amendment into another law.

[Melalvai]

What about the pill?
We have considered this and a lot of options. One criteria for selecting a doctor is someone who won't try to convince us to put her on the pill. I've already had it out with the school nurse, who thinks that girls are just trying to get out of PE, and believes that keeping her home one day a month when these lovely hormones are so readily available is nonsense, lol!

[Melalvai]

I asked around for recommendations. Since we just moved here this summer I don't know anyone well and so my source of recommendations is not someone I know very well. I don't have much info on this doctor which makes me nervous.

We discussed it the night before the triathlon and yet my daughter is furious with me for making the appointment. I know that actually she's just scared and uncomfortable. Hopefully I'll be able to talk to her before Thursday.

Any input on how I can prepare her for this? Any good articles or websites, in case she still doesn't want to talk to me but might be willing to read something?

I told her that if it is too terrifying and this doctor isn't able to calm her down, we won't go through with it. We can always leave and try another doctor. I'm more amenable now to the idea of driving to Columbia to Planned Parenthood, if that would help.

I feel so sorry for her! It wasn't this hard for me, but we're not the same person, and I was a little older, so I have a pretty good idea what she's going through.

[OakLeaf]

Here's a page from PP on pelvic exams: http://www.plannedparenthood.org/health-topics/womens-health/pelvic-exam-4306.htm

I couldn't find anything directly on Our Bodies, Ourselves website, but the book likely has a good discussion (and IMO any adolescent girl should have a copy, if she doesn't already). Mine is two editions out of date...

[alpinerabbit]

She should try it lying down and when there is enough flow so it does not get stuck on the vaginal wall.

I hope she is comfortable enough touching herself because applicator tampons s*ck to put in for beginners. O.B.s are so much easier.

[colby]

I asked around for recommendations. Since we just moved here this summer I don't know anyone well and so my source of recommendations is not someone I know very well. I don't have much info on this doctor which makes me nervous.

We discussed it the night before the triathlon and yet my daughter is furious with me for making the appointment. I know that actually she's just scared and uncomfortable. Hopefully I'll be able to talk to her before Thursday.

Any input on how I can prepare her for this? Any good articles or websites, in case she still doesn't want to talk to me but might be willing to read something?

I told her that if it is too terrifying and this doctor isn't able to calm her down, we won't go through with it. We can always leave and try another doctor. I'm more amenable now to the idea of driving to Columbia to Planned Parenthood, if that would help.

I feel so sorry for her! It wasn't this hard for me, but we're not the same person, and I was a little older, so I have a pretty good idea what she's going through.

Thinking back to 15, I would probably be horrified as well, but honestly I really wish I could have had a doctor that I could have had that relationship with.

When I was 18 and heading off for college, my mom did take me to the family doctor for an exam and to suggest birth control, and the guy was a total creep. It really put me off of asking open questions with doctors until a few years later when I switched to Planned Parenthood, and it's taken me years to appreciate what they could offer to teenagers. I don't think it's exclusive of PP, it's just their culture. If you could find that same relationship with an MD, OB/GYN, or NP, I'd use it.

You may want to offer for her to have the conversation with the doctor by herself. You made the appointment, you can always explain and meet the doctor, and then offer to your daughter to excuse yourself (or talk about it ahead of time, maybe have her give you a signal). If the doctor is good with adolescents, they should be able to talk to her in a way that helps answer her questions, and you at least meeting the doctor might help you feel comfortable (or if you get creeped out, you can stay in the room and just describe the problem and see how they cover it). I don't want to presume that you shouldn't be a part of her solving her problem, but it might be an option, as you said she's a little put off discussing it with you. Tough, since like you said you don't really have a relationship with the doctor yet, so you might just be putting her in an uncomfortable situation.

They might suggest a pelvic exam, you might want to set some ground rules if you're not ready for that (you are still her advocate, and a darn fine one at that). Maybe a second opinion - see how this first one goes, then go to the PP.

I'm not sure any of that actually helped, just more thinking out loud. Thanks for being a mom to your daughter and covering this stuff - as hard as it is for both of you it's the right thing to do.

[shootingstar]

Hope your daughter finds a solution and still able to swim-compete.

I can imagine how she must feel. She needs a friendly female oby-gyn to confide/chat up.

Let's put it this way, I also needed the friendly chat-up, etc.

[Melalvai]

You all are awesome. Thanks for the support!! She's not speaking to me at the moment, she's not exactly angry at me, I'm just the focus of her anger & frustration. I just feel so sorry for her! I have an appt set for Thurs, a lead on midwives, I'm willing to drive to Columbia for Planned Parenthood, and a lead on another doctor who I have been promised is very good about presenting all the options, telling you which one she favors, and letting you make the choice (also located in Columbia). At the moment I'm inclined to reschedule or cancel the Thurs appt to give her time to get used to the idea of a pelvic exam.

[KnottedYet]

How about:

For this appointment make it a talking-only appointment. No exam, no disrobing and scooting to the end of the table :p This way she develops a relationship with her future doctor/midwife/nurse. She can ask questions and has time to get used to the idea with no pressure.

And perhaps stress to your daughter that it's up to her to decide when. If she has to sit out of swimming then that's is what happens until she is ready.

If she wants to swim badly enough, she may change her mind. But leave it up to her.

I know I wouldn't have been able to handle a pelvic at 15.

+ 1 !!!!!

Talk only at the first visit! Oh my goodness, if a tampon is too painful then a speculum would so much worse!

[Crankin]

Wow, I had no problems going to the gyno at 16. I guess it was the promise of bc pills...
I *did* have problems with tampons. It wasn't being grossed out, I just couldn't get the thing in. And my mom was no help. She started using tampons around the same time I did, and was so uninformed about it, that she went around with the tampon in, with the applicator still on. Don't ask me how she did that.

[Catrin]

After struggling with tampons for years, I finally went back to the alternative. I had a retroverted uterus back when I still had a reproductive system, and it was just a problem using tampons.

I remember my mother having to almost lasso and tie me down to get me to the gyn as a teenager - I was totally mortified at the mere idea and even now it takes a really good reason to go. Of course, after the ovarian cancer scare and subsequent surgery (I did not have ovarian cancer as it turned out, whew) there isn't much need for one these days :)

[badger]

And my mom was no help. She started using tampons around the same time I did, and was so uninformed about it, that she went around with the tampon in, with the applicator still on. Don't ask me how she did that.

sorry, but I just had to laugh out loud when I read this. I guess if it's new and you don't know, you really don't know!!

[Biciclista]

sorry, but I just had to laugh out loud when I read this. I guess if it's new and you don't know, you really don't know!!

they come with directions. Every single box...

[Crankin]

Yea, just thinking about it makes me laugh, as did my mom and I when she finally realized what she had done wrong. My mom was cool in every way, but I think it was so foreign (:)) to her that she just tried, without the instructions. I went back up to MA for a long vacation, after we had moved to Miami. While I was away, she wanted so badly to go swimming in steamy Miami, so she tried the tampons. When I came back, I think *I* informed her of the weirdness of what she had done. Yea, and she was wondering why it hurt!
All this talk is making me glad I have sons.

[malkin]

+1 on Our Bodies Ourselves



...I hope she is comfortable enough touching herself ...

You could tell her that you're sorry, but it isn't going to just go away, she might as well figure out what's what...give her permission...a mirror...some KY...some pictures...plenty of privacy...

Her cervix will feel sort of like the end of her nose, probably a little bigger and more sturdy, with a dent in the end. Once she knows where it is, maybe she can direct the tampon to where it isn't.

It is her own body. The same body she uses to swim and do other stuff.

[PamNY]

Melalvai, you sound like such a great mother, supporting and educating your daughter. Maturation and comfort with one's body is such an individual and sometimes difficult process.

To this day, I remember the adult who derided me for being shy about changing clothes in a group setting. Trust me, being ridiculed did not make me any more comfortable.

Good luck to you and your daughter.

[Susan]

I think I just wouldn't put too much pressure on her. There doesn't need to be something wrong with her because she can't use tampons now. I myself couldn't use tampons until I was about 16 and I remember being really frustrated about it. I had 4 close friends at school that time and 2 of them had the same problem. (None of us dared to ask our mothers or doctors about this problem.)
There isn't something anatomically wrong down there with anyone of them or me. I had no problems having sexual intercourse or a pelvic exam later (my doctor refused to do this until after I had s.i.).

I think it's a combination of some factors - being very narrow because being so young may be a part of it. But I think it has more to do with being unexperienced with your own body. Sorry for being explicit but I remember that I myself wasn't really sure if I REALLY had to stick this thing into my body and if yes, where exactly? A lot of inexperienced women also have the impression, that the right direction to "push" is upwards into the body when in reality it's more backwards, almost horizontal.
Maybe she should just experiment a bit more without setting herself under pressure.

While I think the diva cup or moon cup is a very good substitute for tampons especially while swimming or doing sports, I don't think it would be easy to use it without any further experience with her body. It can be a bit hard to insert it because you have to fold it and hold it in this position then rotate a little bit inside. I think it requires some knowledge of the own anatomy.

I sat out for swimming for some years and discovered the moon cup when I was older than 20 yrs. While I am very happy that I have this possibility now, and sitting out wasn't fun, I think I just needed the time to get to know my body enough.

[sundial]

Melalvai, can you make an appt with a female OB/GYN doctor? That may make it far less intimidating for your daughter on her first visit. Hoping the issue is resolved soon for her, bless her heart.

[pinkychique]

+1 on the female OB/GYN.

I've only been to women docs in that area, and I'm still weird even thinking about going to a male doc. Probably not as big of a deal as it feels like, but I'm not comfortable with a man looking *down there* so to a 15 year old, that would be completely traumatic.

[colorisnt]

I couldn't use regular tampons until I had sex (and I waited on that, so I was in my 20's). TMI I know, but it was just reality. I am shallow (tilted uterus) and so is my sister (same issue). We could use "junior" tampons, but my period was extremely heavy and it would need to be changed on the hour, pretty much. Endometriosis was the cause of the heavy bleeding, so no normal reason for it. See an OB and it will put her mind to rest. I have had pelvic exams since I was 11, so I knew about this problem early on, but it helped to hear a Dr. assure me everythign was okay.

[sarahspins]

I've only been to women docs in that area, and I'm still weird even thinking about going to a male doc. Probably not as big of a deal as it feels like, but I'm not comfortable with a man looking *down there* so to a 15 year old, that would be completely traumatic.

I agree.. I only saw female NP's or midwives until I was 20... I'm not sure I would have been able to handle having a male doctor examine me down there at 15.. or even 17 or 18.. or heck, any point up until I was pregnant with my first baby (the first male doc to examine me was my midwife's backup OB, and I didn't really have much choice because I had just "risked out" of my midwife's care). Now it doesn't bother me to have a male doctor.. but I say that after having 3 kids, and anyone who's given birth in a hospital knows that modesty pretty much goes out the window with that experience, and you get over any inhibitions about "who" is looking "there" - so long as they're not rude or do anything to make it uncomfortable (physically or otherwise).

Anyways, I used tampons (and later Instead soft cups) from a really early age, but I never had problems doing so. I hated pads so much (they always gave me a rash even if I was neurotic about changing them) and so tampons were a welcome alternative - but I had to hide it from my mom since she didn't think that tampons were "appropriate" to use before you'd had sex :rolleyes: She based that entirely on her own inability to use them, and in fact even scared my sister so badly about using them that she never even tried until she was something like 28 (I am not kidding) which was several years AFTER she'd already been using a Diva Cup.

You can definitely make an "information only" appointment with planned parenthood or a midwife or even a female pediatrician, that would not be intimidating for your daughter. There's really no reason to need a pelvic exam unless your daughter wants one to make sure everything is okay. They do use smaller speculums on children and young women who haven't had sex yet, so that shouldn't be a concern.

BTW, I don't personally find using a cup any more difficult than tampons.. as far as "ease of insertion" the Instead softcups win hands down (you just pinch them flat and push in, just like a tampon), I always have trouble getting the Diva cup folded right and getting it in place when it's in... and I have problems with it slipping "up" too high and leaking... so I am not a huge fan of the Diva cup personally.. because it just doesn't seem to fit me very well, but Instead works great for me. If she's *interested* in trying a cup, I'd encourage it - if nothing else she'd get more familiar with her own anatomy. I highly recommend using lube when learning to insert/remove any menstrual cup... it makes it much more comfortable. Removing them is usually more difficult than inserting when you're learning.

You can try instead really inexpensively.. http://store.softcup.com/shared/StoreFront/product_detail.asp?RowID=2&CS=softcup&All= Walgreen's also usually has them in stock (at least they do here). I usually only use one cup per cycle.. I just wash and reuse like you would the Diva or Mooncup so a box lasts me a really long time.

[alexis_the_tiny]

Just to throw my 2 cents in. It took me about a year and a half before I finally could get an OB mini tampon in at 15. I heard about tampons from a girl friend in high school who was a competitive swimmer, I wanted to use them because pads were too uncomfortable but there wasn't an adult I could talk to. My mom found my first box of tampons and told me I would get seriously sick from using them, it was terrifying, frustrating and I didn't feel particularly inclined to talk to any adult about it because they were all so hush hush about matters like that.

So its really great you got your daughter an appointment to have someone who can discuss this sort of thing with her, its also great she can tell you about it. But this can sometimes take time. I would definitely suggest using OB tampons without the applicators and in mini size. Tampax and Playtex, I've found, tend to expand lengthwise which can become extremely uncomfortable. KY Jelly can help a little. But at the end of it, she might just have to keep trying. Good luck to her, I still remember how it felt back in those days and it was simply awful.