depression

[redrhodie]

My friend is depressed. She wants to get help, but doesn't know where to begin. She has suffered a death of a family member recently, but her main issue seems to be her relationship with her partner. What kind of therapist she should be looking for? She doesn't want to take medication.

Thanks for any advice.

[PamNY]

Does she have a medical doctor who might recommend someone? That can be a good starting point.

[tulip]

She might want to contact a grief support group for starters. It's really worth it to talk to someone, but it can be hard to take that first step, particularly if one is depressed and feeling powerless. Encourage her to start with a grief support group or a women's center.

I had a great therapist that I found on a website that listed Licensed Clinical Social Workers in my area. That might be a good place to start, too.

[rocknrollgirl]

I had to see someone a few years ago for post traumatic stress syndrome after I witnessed a friend killed in an accident. I am a teacher so I asked the
school psychologist to recommend someone.

I agree with the grief group also, great idea.

[NbyNW]

There may also be referral services through her health insurance if she has it. She can call them up and keep it general, just as you said it: grief, strain in a relationship. And then they would provide her with a short list of counselors in her area who also meet her insurance company's criteria for claims & reimbursement.

[Crankin]

All good suggestions. May I add looking at community mental health clinics (usually staffed by LICSWs and LMHCs) or agencies related to religions... Catholic Charities, Jewish Family and Children's Service.
Ask friends, too. Just remember that someone who might be a good therapist for me might not work for someone else at all. It really is all about the relationship.

[channlluv]

Most therapists will give her a brief first meeting, too, to see if they're a good match for each other.

I found that regular exercise really helped me a lot with my depression. I was able to get off medication within a couple of months of regular cycling. I was off the meds for about a year and a half when I was in that car accident in February. Within two weeks of no activity at all, I was having depressive episodes/breakdowns. I had to go back on the meds until I can get my activity level back up, which will be in the next month or so, I hope. (I sprained my wrist and have been unable to get back on the bike for more than eight miles.)

I totally get the no meds thing, but sometimes they do serve a purpose. The difference is pretty significant.

Good luck to her.

Roxy

[redrhodie]

Wow, such good suggestions. Thank you.

Her NP suggested she meet with the mental health person at the clinic she goes to for her annual GYN screenings. She was hesitant because of the clinic setting, but I'll try to convince her to check it out. I think I need to give her an encouraging push right now while she's considering it. I guess that's a good a place as any for her to start her search.

[colorisnt]

I definitely agree with the above suggestions and understand the uneasiness to both see a psychiatrist or therapist and take medication. I have been there myself. I have clinical depression, OCD, and anxiety. I am medicated now, but did try to control it with talk therapy alone for quite some time. I have been helped most by therapists that are licensed social workers. I tried group therapy, too, for awhile, but there are some things I don't care to discuss there, so individual sessions are also important.

As said above, one thing that really, really helps me is exercise. A therapist and/or psychiatrist will probably suggest that she attempt to exercise if possible because it really, really does work.

I hope your friend finds some relief and a safe place to go and discuss her situation.

[NbyNW]

red,

It's awesome how you are supporting your friend through this. Sometimes taking that first step is the hardest! It must be invaluable to have some positive feedback from a friend as she shops her options.

[bmccasland]

There's having a "blue" day, and depression. Depression, you need professional help. A counselor can help. One doesn't always needs meds. Although looking at "self medication" is important, know that alcohol is a depressive.

Also, try not fall in the trap of negative thought patterns. If you only think of yourself in bad situations, STOP IT!

For your particular friend, grief is a process - that sounds so trite. Try to remember the *Life* of the dear realtive. But if it's too difficult, and a grief support group doesn't help, or a counselor (people have offered many places to find them, even the funeral home would have listings) is the next step. My mother never has completely gotten over the death of my natural father, and it's been over 50 years.

I hope your friend gets the help she needs.

[SheFly]

I think I need to give her an encouraging push right now while she's considering it.

Thank you.

Thank you for being such a good friend, and offering to help. Depression is a disease that can ultimately kill (as I know too well, having lost my brother last year). Helping your friend to get the help she needs is an honorable thing to do.

the good news is that she is asking for help. The even better news is that she asked YOU for that help, and you are following through. She is very lucky.

Keep up the great work.

SheFly

[marni]

clinical genetic depression was the dirty little secret in our family and I dealt with it for years before finally seeking the help I needed. I am on medication, long term, probably for life, but didn't find out that four of my sisters and my mother had also had the same issues and had dealt with it. Our family didn't believe in complaining- suck it up and get on with it was the attitude.

I came close to suicide and often spent days wishing I could die before I or my husband acknoowledged that it might be something other than just the winter blues.

Obviously things have changed, not in the least because of regular exercise, finally taking control of things like weight andd fitness and learning to love riding a bike.

Your friend is truley blessed to have you to push her, guide her and support her.

[redrhodie]

Yesterday my friend talked to another one of her friends about her depression. Her friend has been on anti-depressants, and had good advice, and I think it's great she talked to her. I'm really encouraged that she's trying to figure this out, and is talking about it more. That's got to be a good sign.

I've known her for several years, and this has been going on (in ebbs and flows) since I first met her. It's hard because what I see isn't how she feels. She looks great to me, and when she'd say she's depressed, I guess I thought she was exaggerating. I think this is probably a really common reaction, so I won't beat myself up about it. I'm listening now.

Hugs to all of you who have been dealing with this personally. You give me great hope.

[channlluv]

You're doing exactly the right thing, and so is she. It's great that she's talking about it with her friends, and that you guys are actually listening to her. That doesn't happen near enough.

Roxy

[blackhillsbiker]

clinical genetic depression was the dirty little secret in our family and I dealt with it for years before finally seeking the help I needed.her.
I could have written that. I've done therapy, medication, and a combination of the 2 during different episodes in my life. Medication literally saved my life at one point. I'm glad she has a friend like you.

Deb

[alexis_the_tiny]

Its terrific that your friend has you trying to help her. Don't give yourself grief if you don't see her depression. I've been disgnosed with low level depression and anxiety, generally, the worse I feel, the happier and more competent I'll become on the outside until I reach a breaking point.

She doesn't necessarily have to take medication although it can be helpful as a 'rescue' option. A good psychiatrist will find out what she's comfortable with before offering her options unless she really needs the meds for her own safety. What really works is to find a therapist she can 'click' with and attending therapy religiously. It may not seem to work for anything from the first month to a bunch of years- I quit therapy many times in the early days because it felt futile, but sticking to it will pay off eventually.

There's an article somewhere that recommends people with depression get lots of sunlight, exercise, sleep (8 hours or more), Omega-3 fatty acids and antioxidants, plus social interaction as a cure. I have my reservations when anyone mentions a 'cure' for depression but considering that they all seem like a common sense way to improve quality of life, it won't be much harm to start trying any of them. If it can help to control the depression, awesome, if not, well, at least her lifestyle is healthier.

Lastly, if her partner might be a factor in her depression, she should consider a therapist who is able to work with couples or asking her therapist to recommend one. If I'm in a serious relationship, my therapist will, at some point, ask me to bring my partner in for a session even if things are ok because a big part of my depression/anxiety stems from an inability to express my needs and worries to anyone. Couples therapy might help them work out what might be her triggers and how to cope.

Good luck to your friend! =)

[redrhodie]

Thank you. She's still not gone for counseling, yet. Another member of our team is also having depression issues, and she's actively seeking help. My friend is waiting for her to find a therapist she likes. She (this other person) went to a clinic this week, and it wasn't a good fit, so the search is still on. I'm not sure this is the best way for my friend to get help, since they have very different issues, but that's what's happening.

Her relationship seems to be a huge factor in her depression. I don't think they're "together" enough for him to go to counseling with her, not that he would have ever been open to that. I think she'll have to do this on her own, and that's probably what deep inside she knows, and why she is procrastinating.

[alexis_the_tiny]

Its ok, just keep prodding her on to find a therapist at occasional intervals. Somehow, I find that I'm a BIG TIME procrastinator when in the middle of a very depressive period. It might be what's happening with her.

A good therapist will not prod her to any realizations or make her make any decisions regarding the relationship while she is not ready. Instead, its simply a safe place for her to vent until she decides for herself what to do about it. A good therapist knows that you can't force anyone regarding decisions about relationships. If your friend is procrastinating because of that, let her know that a therapist won't force any conclusions on her and keep encouraging her to seek help. =)

[stella2]

I agree with all the great suggestions above. I work in mental health in the UK and I have heard surprisingly good things from colleagues and patients about Mind Gym. It's a online resource programme of CBT for Depression. Folk can work through it at their own pace and it's free!

http://moodgym.anu.edu.au/welcome

[hirakukibou]

I have dealt with depression much of my life and was profiled in Psychology Today last year:

http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/200903/good-morning-heartache

It is a tough illness and I think one that need to be approached in a multifaceted way. In my experience, there is no quick fix. I also know that my friends are critical to my mental health and the ones where I can be real, even if I am depressed, without judgment or attempts to fix me, are the ones to whom I am closest.

(I also write about this in my blog.)

[Gowest]

You are a wonderful friend - remember to be patient - when you are depressed you have blinders on and can't see what others see. It may take many false starts on her part - but be consistent and listen. What appears obvious to you is not at all obvious to her - even if she can rationalize it - doesn't mean it is so easy to do.

also - it can take a while to find the right match with a therapist - this is ok - what works for one does not work for another.

try to help her understand she is not alone - this video is EXCELLENT - it is used at some of the top institutions in the country for treating mental illness:

http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/takeonestep/depression/

she can view it in the privacy of her home and on her terms. It shows the stories of real people who have battled depression from CEO's to houswives and students.

You are a dear to be so concerned - don't give up on her - she is moving in the right direction. :)