What Not To Wear - What To Wear

[surgtech1956]

Looking for some 'what not to wear' - 'what to wear' advice from you gals. I am not a dress person, I change into scrubs at work. I don't really go places that require 'dressing' up. I don't like shopping for clothes. Sometimes people from work go out to a restaurant or club or just work funtions. I usually don't go because I never know what to wear or to buy - they start talking about 'the new dress' they bought to wear. Any suggestions or advice????

[KnottedYet]

If you are not a dress person, don't buy a dress.

Clothing that doesn't feel right to your psyche will make you hold your body uncomfortably, and it will look wrong no matter how beautifully tailored.

If you need to have something to wear out after work, go for something casual but classy. (Scrubs ain't it.) Butch or femme? Whichever way you want to go, you can't go wrong pairing a classic top with a pair of jeans. (no holes, stains, or bad fading on the jeans) Put some shoes with it that aren't sneakers, and it's all good and acceptable post-work just about anywhere.

Femme - black is always good. Plunging neckline is optional. One way to go is a black 3/4 sleeve v-neck t-shirt from Target ($14) with a soft scarf loosely wrapped around your neck. (Target again, $10) The classic black knit shirt looks fine if you take the scarf off, too. Or if you don't like scarves, put on a large flamboyant necklace that lands on your skin above the shirt fabric (again, Target is awesome for things like this, around $10-$15) If it's just too cold you can do the same with a black turtleneck, simply add scarf or necklace to spruce it up.

Butch - button front shirts are your friend. Whether an oxford or a broadcloth, stripes or solids, button-down collar or not. Men's department or women's, doesn't matter. Find one that fits you buttoned to the neck (even though you won't wear it that way) and that doesn't leave wads of fabric flapping around your waist. (thick waist - check men's. thin waist - check women's) Add a button front vest (again, men's or women's doesn't matter) that lies smoothly over you without binding at the boobs or flapping loose at the waist. Dress vests come in a variety of fabrics, some are quite silky and lovely and subtle. They can be expensive, but Target is a good resource. Basic black with a satiny sheen is always a classic and goes with everything. Wear the vest buttoned all the way over the shirt with the top 2 or 3 buttons unbuttoned.

ETA: if you tend toward the femme, read "The Femme's Guide to the Universe" by Shar Radnour. Lots of good dressing advice. Unisex and butch really don't work well for someone who is femme, and Shar isn't afraid to tell it like it is. And she sees no disconnect being femme and top, which is refreshing for those fighting against sterotypes.

ETA #2: Shoes. Ah, shoes... I love shoes. If all you have are sneakers, it's time to go shoe shopping. First, Target. (I like Target, can you tell?) Walk through both the men's and the women's shoes. Make note of which non-sneaker shoes appeal to you most. Is it men's shoes? Buy a pair that call out to you, and make an outfit with the button-up shirt and black vest. Is it something from the women's dept? Buy the ones you yearn to possess and make an outfit with the black shirt and scarf/necklace. Shoe example; I have a pair of silver lame' Birkenstock flip-flops. They'd look "off" with a butch top, but awesome with a black knit longer sleeve t-shirt and my scarf. All you have to do is pair butch shoes with classic butch top and jeans, or femme shoes with classic femme top and jeans, and the world is your oyster! No dress required!

ETA #3: if men's shoes call out to you, but they don't come small enough, check the boys' dept. for similar shoes.

[bmccasland]

A blazer does wonders to many a jeans / cords and top outfit. Except in the blazing hot summer, which it currently isn't in the northern hemisphere. And like Knotted said, cute (or nice) shoes but not sneakers. The other thing to try if your wallet can afford it is to go to a store like Banana Republic or Black Market / White House and plead for help - both have dressed me for special occasions or job interviews.

[indysteel]

I'm not a dress person either, although I do like skirts, in part because I rarely have to hem or alter them (I'm short-ish with short legs). I do think a good pair of "dressy" jeans can go a long way. Pair them with the top of your choice and a fun pair of shoes, and you're suitably dressed for all but dressiest of places or events. For those, I'd suggest a basic pair of black (or whatever color you like) dress pants. Again, pair them with a nice top and shoes and you're good to go.

Maybe I'm reading too much into your question and please forgive me if I am, but is there some other underlying issue that is making you feel uncomfortable in social situations? Body image issues, shyness, social anxiety? Maybe I've watched too many episodes of What Not to Wear, but it often seems that when people find it difficult to dress themselves, there is some other issue at the heart of it. The clothes are just representative or symptomatic of it.

I'll add this, too. While I used to like going "out on the town" with friends, I grew more and more uncomfortable in such settings the longer I was out of college. It's a "scene" that I don't care to be a part of. The women (and men) just seemed to be trying so hard to be hip and cool. While I'm not totally unhip, it all just strikes me as overly pretentious. I don't have the time or energy to care about it. My solution? I just don't go to places like that anymore. Thankfully, over time, most of my friends grew out of it, too, so it's not as much of an issue as it was 5-10 years ago. Now, we just go out to a casual dinner or brewpub. Or, better yet, we go for a ride or walk.

Good luck!

[redrhodie]

Here's Tim Gunn's list of what you should have:

http://womensfashion.suite101.com/article.cfm/tim_gunns_10_essential_elements


My other advice is to shop at home if you hate shopping. Store mirrors with overhead lighting are unflattering to everyone, and crowds and noise can be distracting and stressful. At home, you can create a relaxing atmosphere with good lighting and you'll feel good when trying on clothes.

[Crankin]

A pair of dark denim dress jeans and a black blazer will go just about anywhere. You can dress this up or down, with different types of t shirts, button downs, camisoles, as well as different shoes.
I love clothes, but generally hate going in stores. I buy almost everything on line.

[sfa]

Odd note at the end of Tim Gunn's list: "In the second season, the Jacket replaces the Blazer on Tim's list, and the Any Occasion Top replaces the Cashmere Sweater."

OK, I get the difference between an all occasion top and a cashmere sweater, but what the hell is the difference between a blazer and a jacket? If you google it, you get lots of links to the differences between a man's blazer, sport jacket, and suit jacket and it all seems to have something to do with the color of the buttons and the type of pockets. These seem like entirely academic differences to me and not enough to prompt a television fashion guru to replace one item on a list with a virtually identical item. I'll admit to being not especially fashion forward, but this is the kind of thing that keeps me from caring about fashion.

Sarah

[redrhodie]

what the hell is the difference between a blazer and a jacket?

Sarah

Here's my thought on it--all blazers are jackets, but not all jackets are blazers. So, I think he was just trying to broaden the scope a little to include jackets that would work the same as a blazer on a lot of occasions. I have a couple of vintage jackets that I could wear with tailored pants or skirts or dresses, but they aren't blazers.

[Catrin]

I find that a combination of nice slacks and jacket with a sleeveless shell underneath works well for most work-related occasions - or longer skirts with a nice blouse. I generally find jeans uncomfortable and heavy, though I do wear them. I have also been known to wear my nice riding boots (low heels) in the winter with the slacks. In the summer I do like nice skirts and blouses - but I never wear heels - ever. (Too many foot problems for that and I never did learn.)

The important thing, as others have noted, is that you need to be comfortable in what you are wearing. The nicest of outfits just won't look right if you don't enjoy wearing it.

As far as the blazer/jacket question goes - to me the difference seems to be the weight/type of the material and the style. I don't care for blazers myself, they don't seem to go well with my shape. Call them what you will though, if it looks nice with what I have in mind and on my body I will get it :)

[Becky]

Dark trouser jeans and a sweater are my go-to for social events that require a little dressing up, but nothing formal. IMO, a good pair of jeans are priceless, even if I don't wear them frequently.

I wear a lot of black too. Looks good on me, matches everything...can't go wrong!

[ny biker]

IMO, a good pair of jeans are priceless, even if I don't wear them frequently.

Specifically dark-wash (dark blue denim) jeans. They look dressier.

Honestly, watch a few episodes of What Not to Wear and you'll see some good ideas for relatively simple outfits (like jeans or slacks with a jacket or sweater and colorful top) that look great. Also you'll see how much of a difference it makes when clothes fit properly. I used to buy a lot of clothes because I liked the color even if it was baggy or otherwise ill-fitting. Now I pay much more attention to how clothes fit.

[Crankin]

+1 on the black.

[Biciclista]

oh yeah (and i can't believe i am giving this advice!!!) if you HAVE to wear a nice dress, spend money on a good bra too. go to somewhere like nordstroms and get their experts to fit you..

[indysteel]

Specifically dark-wash (dark blue denim) jeans. They look dressier.

Honestly, watch a few episodes of What Not to Wear and you'll see some good ideas for relatively simple outfits (like jeans or slacks with a jacket or sweater and colorful top) that look great. Also you'll see how much of a difference it makes when clothes fit properly. I used to buy a lot of clothes because I liked the color even if it was baggy or otherwise ill-fitting. Now I pay much more attention to how clothes fit.


+1 on proper fit. Really, it should start there. I am amazed when watching that show what a well-tailored outfit can do for just about anybody, no matter their body type and no matter what type of outfit it is. I know how much better I feel when I'm wearing something I know fits well. The other rule they employ on that show is to dress the body you have TODAY, not the body you hope to have someday.

[surgtech1956]

wow - thanks for all the great advice. Especially Knot, I love Target too. I consider myself a 'soft butch'. I'll keep you posted on what I find.

[malkin]

I had a homework assignment from a therapist to go to a store and try on a bunch of clothes that I normally wouldn't wear.

I learned quite a bit from the experience.

[Selkie]

I buy mostly online, too.

Wear what's comfortable.

[ny biker]

I will also add that even for people like me who like to shop, it can be a chore at times. Sometimes everything you try on is wrong, either because it doesn't fit, or it fits perfectly here but not at all there, or it just looks wrong, or whatever. Sometimes you have to try on a lot to find one thing you like.

But it is worth it to make the investment to find a few good outfits. It's also worth it to spend a little more for quality that will continue to look good for a long time.

It's important to be comfortable, but part of that is fitting in with the crowd around you. Not that you have to dress exactly like everyone else, but if everyone is kinda dressed up and you're extremely casual, it's hard to feel comfortable even though your clothes are soft enough to sleep in.

[Maxxxie]

I had a homework assignment from a therapist to go to a store and try on a bunch of clothes that I normally wouldn't wear.

I learned quite a bit from the experience.

Do tell!

Clothes I normally wouldn't wear would be anything remotely "girly". Dresses, skirts, frilly shirts, lacy underwear... all of it is just wrong, wrong, wrong on me! I think I'd be really uncomfortable even touching that sort of stuff, let alone trying it on. I'm not sure what that says about me!

Max

[lph]

I never thought I'd be trying to give dress advice to anyone, but here goes :D I'm answering mostly because I spent many years of my early adulthood being clueless about clothing and feeling very uncomfortable when I'd yet again dressed "wrong".

I'm not very feminine, and being heavyshouldered frills and lace around my neckline tend to look very silly. Anywhere, actually. But dresses are a lot more than that, and I've discovered that "athletic" dresses are my best friend. My favourite at the moment is a loose, black, sleeveless knit dress that stops just above my knees and has a draped shawl-like neckline. It's more comfortable than a bathrobe, I can wear it to work or wear it to a party with a little jewelry and attractive tights.

I never wear shirts, blouses or blazers, since I've never found any that fit my shape. Being tailored and often (always?) in unforgiving fabrics, they have to fit well to look good and not bind. I usually go for lightly fitted clothes with some stretch. All my work clothes are basically some variation over jeans/knee-length skirt/loose linen pants plus a light sweater/thin wool top/simple sleeveless top. Most of this is "dinnerworthy" too.

I second the idea of trying things on at home. Take it all home and just return the things you don't like. Whatever your shape, count on 90 % not fitting. It gets easier once you can spot what you're after :)