Can Someone Explain Facebook/Twitter? [Archive] - Women's Cycling Discussion Forums

SheFly

11-16-2009, 05:41 AM

For me, it's a way to keep in touch with far flung family. After a couple of deaths in our family this year, Facebook has allowed me to keep in closer contact with cousins, aunts and uncles - all of whom live a significant distance from me.

I'm also a pretty social person. And at some level, I guess it intrigues me to see what my "friends" and family are up to...

And I wouldn't say it's sole an "egocentric" crowd. Like I said - this has let me rebuild relationships I would not have any other way...

SheFly

papaver

11-16-2009, 05:47 AM

Ok, then I had the right impression...it's an egocentric crowd that is using it. That's what I thought. What is this generation coming to...

Lisa

that's a little too dark. It's a great way to find people you haven't seen in a long time. I have re-established some old high school friendships thanks to facebook. I don't see the egocentricity in that.

lph

11-16-2009, 05:52 AM

Well, posting on your wall is not equivalent to having a private conversation with a single friend, it's equivalent to chatting in a large group where anyone can join in. I rarely have "conversations" on my wall, but for example: a colleague of mine is now in Vietnam on business. She's never been there before. She has a few snapshots and random observations of interesting things she's seen or done, but instead of sending them all collected as a letter to one specific person or more, she just posts them on her wall in case anyone feels like commenting. And we do, and I think it's fun to see my other co-workers comments. It's just an informal group conversation. Actually it's pretty much like posting here.

But people only tend to post on their walls if they actually get feedback. Posting "it's snowing out!" is only fun if you have friends who are yearning for ski season themselves, and will join in in praising the snow, or conversely you know you have friends who loathe the snow and will tell you so. If you always post to express your opinion without expecting or assuming you'll ever get a response that seems self-centered to me. But that isn't really the norm.

Zen

11-16-2009, 06:08 AM

But people only tend to post on their walls if they actually get feedback.

Not true. I enjoy looking at others photos without commenting and I'm sure people do the same with mine. I get updates from Adventure Cycling, Team Estrogen, a local training facility and a county commissioner on FB.

Get with the times, you old farts :D;)
And GET OFF MY LAWN!

staceysue

11-16-2009, 06:14 AM

I thought Facebook was just a shallow waste of time, until I started using it.

What I love is that it allows you to keep kind of a loose connection to your friends and family, all of the time. I moved away from my home town years ago and I have a lot of friends and family in a lot of different places. I wonder how everybody's doing, but if I wanted to keep up with them through phone calls and letters it would be a full time job. I don't want to contact each of them individually to share all of my news, either. So - I post pictures of my son's graduation on Facebook, or news of a new job, pictures of my bicycle. When I rode my bike 64 miles I was proud of myself and posted it on Facebook.

Every day (sometimes several times a day) I just pop in and see what everybody's posted on their walls. I know when somebody has a new baby and when somebody passes away, when somebody's kid got made it into a great orchestra playing the cello, etc. It's great.

For me, Facebook is like going to my own little community filled with only the people I care about. I don't have to have anybody I don't want to share my life with on there.

And the old highschool friends I've reconnected with - that's wonderful. We don't have to spend a lot of time catching up, we just add each other as friends and make a casual comment here and there on each other's walls and gradually get back in contact.

What is Twitter? Is it like Facebook but with your phone or something? It drives me INSANE that all the under-30s at work constantly have their iPhones out chatting with other people. I'm like "HELLO?! You're HERE now! You're missing out on what's going on HERE!"

lph

11-16-2009, 06:24 AM

Not true. I enjoy looking at others photos without commenting and I'm sure people do the same with mine. I get updates from Adventure Cycling, Team Estrogen, a local training facility and a county commissioner on FB.

Get with the times, you old farts :D;)
And GET OFF MY LAWN!

No, I meant that most people (yah, yah, I meant me :D but I do think it goes for most of my friends too) wouldn't post stuff to their walls if nobody ever gave feedback.

I.e. it's not just mindless egotistical "broadcasting", most people are sharing things they actually think some (not necessarily all) of their friends will like and respond to.

Groups, shops and suchlike are a bit different, their pages have a different newsfocus than personal FB pages and they probably don't expect that much feedback.

stacysue put it beautifully - it's like going to a community filled with only the people I care about. I am a lot more up to date with several of my friends now than before, and I like being able to share the little things in our lives too.

krisl6

11-16-2009, 06:31 AM

I really like Facebook. It helps me keep in touch with all of my family and friends back home in the US. I don't think there's anything egocentric about the way most people use it (ok some people can get carried away). As for Twitter I have an account, but more to follow other people than to say stuff myself. If used properly it's a pretty powerul social marketing tool. I find it most useful for business though.

staceysue

11-16-2009, 06:35 AM

There are 3 places I go on the computer every morning: Facebook, Team Estrogen, and my email - in that order. My email's becoming obsolete, though. Since I got Facebook I haven't got an email in aaaaaaaaages.

I feel connected again for the first time in forever. I keep saying "Facebook is a modern day miracle!" Since I've moved so much and don't live or work with anybody I've known for more than 5 years, it's so comforting to me to hear from somebody I've known for 10 years or more.

Crankin

11-16-2009, 06:42 AM

I barely write on my Wall and have no pictures up. Facebook has let me reconnect with a couple of college friends, but basically I use it to see what my friends in AZ are up to. I've vicariously seen quite a few of my older son's friends and classmates from first grade because of a circuitous connection between one of my "friends" and them.
I could sign off today and it would make no difference to me. As far as Twitter, it seems extremely egocentric. Even my 20 something kids think it's useless.

Veronica

11-16-2009, 06:51 AM

I like Twitter for finding out how the people I follow (non pros) have done on various events.

How else would I know that 3 of the people from our RAAM team did a 250 mile bike ride this past weekend in Texas? And I knew my friend who was doing a half marathon on Sunday would post how she did on Twitter so I wouldn't have to wait until I got to work to know how she did.

Thom doesn't like a lot of Facebook's policies, so I don't use that.

I don't think Twitter is anymore egocentric than a blog.

Veronica

jobob

11-16-2009, 06:53 AM

I use it to keep in touch with my friends (as in, people I know and care about), and I enjoy it. It gives me the ability to pick and choose who sees my posts. I'm very selective about whom I "friend", so I don't have hundreds of them like some do. I communicate more with my TE friends there than I do here.

Tuckervill

11-16-2009, 06:53 AM

Ok, then I had the right impression...it's an egocentric crowd that is using it. That's what I thought. What is this generation coming to...

Lisa

That's kind of an unfair and ignorant assessment.

Most of my friends are over 40, many over 50. My father was 71 when HE invited me to Facebook, in 2007. My generation is making very very good use of Facebook.

I find it an extremely useful tool for keeping up with my friends and family who are far away. I wouldn't know near as much about my grandchildren if not for Facebook. I wouldn't see the most recent pictures instantaneously if not for Facebook.

I recently found a good friend whom I'd lost touch with since we both moved away. It was awesome and lovely. I had searched for her on Google for a long long time, and it wasn't until Facebook that we actually connected. I'm thrilled and so is she!

I dare you to get on Facebook, and just connect with the people you know who are already there, and just sit back and watch. You'll change your mind.

Karen

jobob

11-16-2009, 06:55 AM

So I'm egocentric because I use facebook? *Shrug* whatever.

Kalidurga

11-16-2009, 07:01 AM

Like anything else, it is what you make of it depending on how you choose to use it. If you choose to categorize and then dismiss it as a platform for the egocentric, realize that you do so without fully understanding it.

papaver

11-16-2009, 07:16 AM

Et voilà, just made a TE'er friend on FB. :D

krisl6

11-16-2009, 07:24 AM

Et voilà, just made a TE'er friend on FB. :D

Wow, me too! :D

Veronica

11-16-2009, 07:34 AM

I know I had some folks following Thom's Twitter posts as we crewed for RAAM and while I was doing my HIM.

Right now I can't run and can barely ride (a whooping 7 miles on the tandem yesterday!), so posting on Twitter about what I can do, makes me feel better. Egocentric... too bad. It's all about me anyway. :rolleyes:

Veronica

Flybye

11-16-2009, 07:57 AM

If you think that Team Estrogen is helpful and a wonderful community, would you call that egocentric as well????
Somewhere along the line, someone has said that "people who use Facebook are egocentric" and BAM, the stereotype stuck. I find that extremely unfortunate because it may have prevented people from connecting with old friends. How sad to miss out on the lives of others because of an opinion that someone voiced.
On a side note, we are all egocentric from a theoretical standpoint. When you get your family pictures back, who do you look at first? When you walk by a mirror, who do you look at first? Egocentrism is NORMAL. The problem with egocentrism is when vanity and pride and extremes slip in to the normalcy.
Facebook has been one of the most fantastic things that I have ever opened an online account for. I have found friends from elementary school. I am supporting an old friend as she undergoes chemotherapy and radiation. I have got good solid advice about how to proceed with a surgical procedure that my daughter was facing as well as follow up advice. I have been invited to social gatherings. I have seen pictures of my friends and their families that live in other states. I have learned of births and shared in grief over death. Facebook is no more egocentric than a phone call or an email to update others and receive support.
Bottom line, if people are egocentric to the extreme that it is an issue in everyday life, they will be that way on Twitter, Team Estrogen, Facebook, the telephone, etc. Everyone else who knows them expects that behavior and moves on. Drop the egocentric stereotype.
I double dare you :) to enjoy learning about your friends and family on Facebook.

sfa

11-16-2009, 08:00 AM

I love Facebook, although I only very rarely post my own updates on it. I signed on first to get updates from a friend of mine who moved halfway across the country, got married, started a business, and had a baby. We talk every month or so, but FB lets me keep up with her like we did when she lived nearby and we weren't both so busy.

But since that initial reason for signing up, I've absolutely loved getting in regular touch with friends from high school who I had lost contact with and with my cousins all over the country who I never saw except at family reunions.

Contrary to popular belief, Facebook and Twitter are not primarily hangouts for teenagers--the largest demographic on Facebook is the 35 to 44 year old crowd. Twitter users are even older (that was a technology that was first picked up by older adults and is now trickling down to younger people). These are people who are pretty much like me--wanting to stay in touch with a large number of people I've known in the last 40-odd years in an easy and quick way. Is it quality time? Not really. But I didn't even know Mary Lee lived in Florida and that Sonja was back in Maryland and that Cynthia had a child two years ago--even getting little snippets from everyone's life is better than the nothing I was getting before!

Sarah

ny biker

11-16-2009, 08:02 AM

Oh good. It's Monday, I have a headache, and now I find out I'm egocentric because I've found a good way to keep in touch with people that I don't get to see face-to-face on a regular basis.

papaver

11-16-2009, 08:16 AM

I love it when you see your little nephew changing his status from 'single' to 'in a relationship' :D

Or when a friend finally found a new dog, or when they had a really cool holiday. :)

ASammy1

11-16-2009, 08:19 AM

Oh good. It's Monday, I have a headache, and now I find out I'm egocentric because I've found a good way to keep in touch with people that I don't get to see face-to-face on a regular basis.

Me too!:p

Anyway, facebook allows me to stay in as much contact with my friends and family on my own time and terms... Egocentric? Maybe... but, it's not like a majority of us have the time to have personal phone conversations all day M-F. If someone posts something on my wall, I have the choice of when or if I respond to it.

I have friends all over the U.S. and world and let's face it... When it's convenient for me to call them, it may not be convenient for them to talk to me (time differences). With FB everyone can keep in contact when it's convenient for them! It's also nice because with all the different privacy settings, you can be as public or private as you want.

shootingstar

11-16-2009, 08:19 AM

Um...think we need to ease off from hammering away on the point that it's not egocentric, etc. Point has been made before things spiral outta control.

For me, it's a pleasure to even get the occasional email from family and close friends --occasionally. Being on Facebook or Twitter as a tool to bond closer with these valued folks in my life, is not going to work for me.

And I have good relationships with my loved ones. It's just a style of communication varies.

As for keeping up with high school friends, except for 1 person with whom I email/see, I have had no interest in past few decades. This was reconfirmed after I got a verbal update last year on all the latest developments via a same high school friend who went to mega high school reunion ..thousands of kms. away. It satisfied my curiosity.

ASammy1

11-16-2009, 08:22 AM

Forgot to add one thing...

I love finding that I have friends from 2 different social/professional circles who are also friends with each other! It puts a huge smile on my face and reconfirms that whole 6 degrees of separation thing!

Pax

11-16-2009, 08:26 AM

I lasted two weeks on Facebook before deactivating my account. I'm in regular contact with anyone I'd like to have contact with, all the others...not so much.

For me it was just really boring, I didn't care that my cousin (who I haven't seen in 20 years) just put a cake in the oven. My stay-at-home-mom cousins posted every detail of their day, all day, and seemed to be offended if I didn't respond often enough.

So, for me, it just wasn't worth my time. Others feel differently and they stay on FB, different strokes.

SadieKate

11-16-2009, 08:39 AM

. . . I have [snip] shared in grief over death. . . .

I double dare you :) to enjoy learning about your friends and family on Facebook.Lots of good posts, but Flybye's stuck out because of the sharing in grief aspect. A friend of a friend died and I joined FB to read her beautiful posts about the friend and the friendship.

I also use it to express my outrage, cynicism and laughter with similar-minded friends about political issues and political personalities. Topics I wouldn't post on TE. Since almost all of my close friends are far away and I no longer get the "group fix", FB gives me a way to sort of carry on the same conversations just via a different method.

I also get updates from various business and organizations that I "join" so I see, for example, when trailwork or fundraisers are planned, or ski season starts. My senator and congresspersons post regularly so I feel much more connected with the legislative process.

Double dare yawl too. It was completely different that I expected.

Now, Twitter - no I haven't tried it but FB is information overload as it is.

jobob

11-16-2009, 08:39 AM

Um...think we need to ease off from hammering away on the point that it's not egocentric, etc. Point has been made before things spiral outta control.

The OP made a very derogatory generalization which was reinforced by a few others. I see nothing wrong with chiming in with opinions contradicting such a statement.

GLC1968

11-16-2009, 08:54 AM

Oh good. It's Monday, I have a headache, and now I find out I'm egocentric because I've found a good way to keep in touch with people that I don't get to see face-to-face on a regular basis.

Me three.

Twitter has less of an appeal to me than Facebook, but mostly because I don't have time to be active on both sites. The BEST thing I ever did on Facebook was to learn how to hide certain people's updates. While I might love being in contact with an old friend from college - I do NOT need to know that she is thinking about having a burrito or that her dog smiled at her every step of the way. I just removed her 'updates' so that I don't have to see them. I can always go to her profile and view them on my time if I want (which I don't!).

Facebook allows me to stay in touch with the friends I have from the 4 different colleges I attended and the 10 different places I've lived...it's amazing! Plus, it's helped me build my current local circle of friends as well. Is it a replacement for real talking and real face to face interaction? No. Does it supplement it? Hell yes.

shootingstar

11-16-2009, 08:57 AM

For me it was just really boring, I didn't care that my cousin (who I haven't seen in 20 years) just put a cake in the oven. My stay-at-home-mom cousins posted every detail of their day, all day, and seemed to be offended if I didn't respond often enough.

So, for me, it just wasn't worth my time. Others feel differently and they stay on FB, different strokes.

This type of vicarious detailed knowledge of my loved ones and vice versa would actually drive each other nuts/frustrate one another. It works when some families using older technology, phoned each other to talk about daily events several times per wk.

But we weren't even like that when I lived in the same city with my family and friends with regular telephone. I was in contact with any family member about every 2-3 wks. when I lived in the same city. I guess I belong in a family of independent happy and loved loners. :rolleyes:

Heck, my dearie and I still haven't gotten around to cellphone just for 2 of us. Now it's a cost issue that neither of us want to bear given that we have to budget more tightly.

Crankin

11-16-2009, 09:31 AM

I think that I feel exactly like Shootingstar. I am in contact with everyone who I want to be in contact with. Really, if I want to talk, I call, or maybe email, but mostly call. I don't spend a lot of the time doing that, either, though. I contact someone to make plans, generally. Maybe I am weird, but I have an active social life, but it is generally with the same few people that I see on a regular basis and the talking we do in person is enough for me. It's nice that I reconnected with my 2 friends from college, but I have "hidden" my nieces' stuff on FB because it's absolutely inane. And one of my friends from AZ is so hooked on Farmville, that all of her posts are about that.
I like TE because i learn things, about cycling, and sometimes about other stuff. I just don't feel the need to be that connected to everyone I know. Maybe it's compassion fatigue from being in a helping profession, but when I go home, all I want to do is talk to my DH or occasionally my kids. I know most people would say I was friendly and social, it's just that I don't feel the need to say what I'm doing or to learn what others are doing on a constant basis. If I am going to grieve with someone, it's going to be in person or in a phone call... just my opinion and I guess I am in the minority.
Yea, and I'm the person who doesn't turn on her cell phone unless it's really necessary.

NbyNW

11-16-2009, 09:38 AM

I was initially reluctant to get on Facebook but now I feel like it's a great way to stay in touch, since I seem to move to a new city every few years. If you're lucky enough to have a real face-to-face community in your life and you feel that FB is not for you, then good for you and you're probably not missing out on anything. But I have found that every time I move it takes time to build that local support network. And FB is a great way of NOT leaving that network behind, just because you happen to move far away.

I got roped in because a friend of mine was doing some fundraising and if she had x number of donations through FB there would be a matching donation. So I created an account and then did nothing with it for another three months.

Then my siblings (who are on the other side of the continent) got into my network, and other friends from the past. And initially I felt like I don't need this drain on my time, but after losing a childhood friend to leukemia a few years ago I now feel that it's kind of nice knowing that people I went to grade school with are out there doing good work and raising their families. And it's also fun reading the quirky thoughts of far-away friends instead of a Christmas letter that provides highlights but none of the essence of that friendship.

My professional association decided to start communicating with our membership on FB, and as part of the executive committee I had to sign up for the updates and then my professional world started to leak into my FB network. Being "friends" with professional colleagues can present some awkwardness, but I deal with that with privacy settings and being thoughtful about my posts.

MomOnBike

11-16-2009, 09:44 AM

Put me in the pro-Facebook crowd. The rest of my family (DH excepted, of course) lives in other states. How else would I keep up with them? Yes, we could call, but we're busy. It's ALWAYS a bad time to call.

And not only family. I've reconnected with old friends. I had tried to look them up, but everyone's name was either Smith or Jones, with a few slightly less common names thrown in. I just had to make myself visible and hope they would look for me. Facebook made that possible.

You can hide a lot of those annoying Farmtown, etc. posts. That was about the first thing I learned to do.

jobob

11-16-2009, 09:53 AM

... just my opinion and I guess I am in the minority.

Your opinion is perfectly fine and valid. It really doesn't matter if you're in a majority or a minority here. If you don't care for fb or twitter, heck, it's no skin off my nose.

I just chafe at the blanket generalization that was made earlier in this thread about people who don't happen to share that opinion. But I guess maybe it's a non-issue at this point. :D

shootingstar

11-16-2009, 10:01 AM

My professional association decided to start communicating with our membership on FB, and as part of the executive committee I had to sign up for the updates and then my professional world started to leak into my FB network. Being "friends" with professional colleagues can present some awkwardness, but I deal with that with privacy settings and being thoughtful about my posts.

For work/professional related purposes, I might later. It's just enough to belong to listservs and staying current in terms of the latest developments through published sources with substantive articles. I'm also getting pulled into doing more formalized work related to cycling. I have reviewed some of the tweet links that some blogs and websites have posted, related to my profession and so far, it doesn't have powerful value just for professional updating. It might be different for meeting a client need with an urgent deadline or planning a workshop for a professional group.

Just for cycling, since my dearie runs a biz related to cycling, it's a bit freaky to see all his daily emails he gets being on multiple listservs. Because of his work he does need to respond to various folks, etc. I can't imagine FB added on top of all this.

Blogs can have value provided it is used as another technology platform instead of designing a website from scratch. Same rules apply: purpose, desired target audience, content regeneration frequency, etc.

OakLeaf

11-16-2009, 10:02 AM

Aside from everything else that's already been said here six times...

Facebook is where the Park District posts which sections of the MUP are closed for maintenance, and when.

That oughta be enough for any TE'r. :)

limewave

11-16-2009, 10:09 AM

After having DD and DS, I was starting to feel disconnected. I have to stay home with the kids while DH works late most nights and every Saturday. After I get the kids down for the night I get on FB and "visit" with my friends.

Yes, I could call a friend instead . . . and sometimes I do. But being on FB is like going to the local coffee shop or bar. A group of my friends are just about always online and we can chat, make plans, play games, etc.

I've reconnected with friends that I lost touch with over the years. In fact, I discovered new shared interests/hobbies with some people from HS. We started a running group and I've found more women to mountain bike with.

It's been really great for networking. I've gotten A LOT of work from old HS buddies that I've recently reconnected with.

Best of all, my mom and I play scrabble on FB the nights DH works late. I'll get the kids in bed, make a cup of hot cocoa and play a game with my mom.

limewave

11-16-2009, 10:10 AM

SadieKate

11-16-2009, 10:11 AM

Yup, trail work parties, closed trail sections due to maintenance or fire, etc.

Calls for race support volunteers.

News feeds from USA Cycling.

Cycling group ride announcements.

Soooooo much better than having my inbox full of this stuff.

hoffsquared

11-16-2009, 10:26 AM

I use FB to keep in touch with extended family and friends. It's been pretty nice. I've reconnected with several cousins over the past few months. Also to keep in touch (and tabs) on my daughter in college.

I also keep a family blog with an internet address that only my family knows and is not publicly searchable. They get an email every time I post. I was keeping family up to date via emails but they weren't as 'pretty'. The blog is working out really well 'cause I can add photos, links, and give a few more details than I might on FB.

Don't use Twitter.

indigoiis

11-16-2009, 10:28 AM

FB is also a great way to network. A friend of mine posted that she was looking to move to Vegas and get a job, and I had a friend in her industry there, and asked her if my friend could contact her. Now they are fb friends - very cool!

My DH is not a facebooker, but he's on facebook. He has three "friends" - his mother, an old friend from high school, and me. I do the rest.

OakLeaf

11-16-2009, 10:39 AM

Also, I think most of the issues with FB (malware and privacy issues) have to do with the "Facebook Platform." I have that turned off.

Without that, I can't play games, take quizzes, etc., but that I can live without.

uk elephant

11-16-2009, 12:45 PM

After moving around the world numerous times (and having friends who have moved around), I find that my group of friends is a global one. I never have a very big social circle in any one place, but put together I have a large group of friends. Meeting up face to face would be prohibitively costly with the many trans atlantic flights involved. Going on facebook is a way of meeting up and chatting with friends as if we were all in the same coffee shop haning out. I've reconnected with friends from college (and earlier) who I had lost touch with over the years because of frequent moves. International phone calls were just too expensive to keep in touch with everyone. Similarly, FB lets me keep up with family who are spread across two continents and three countries. We can now chat and play games as we would do if we were living in the same neighbourhood, only we save the cost of transatlantic flights and international phone calls. For instance, I now feel like I know my brother much better than I have done in the past 15 years when we were on separate continents and spoke only briefly at Christmas when we both go home.

KnottedYet

11-16-2009, 12:53 PM

Flybye

11-16-2009, 01:06 PM

Aside from everything else that's already been said here six times...:

:D:D:D:D:D

Flybye

11-16-2009, 01:07 PM

OakLeaf

11-16-2009, 02:00 PM

Please tell me how to turn that off!

Settings>Privacy>Applications>Settings, and I just turned everything off on that page:

* Do not share any information about me through the Facebook API
* Don't allow friends to view my memberships on other websites through Facebook Connect.
* Don't allow Beacon websites to post stories to my profile.

And yeah, what Flybye said about deleting apps.

SadieKate

11-16-2009, 03:04 PM

Knot, thanks for asking, and Oakleaf, thanks for answering. That's some good info there.

Irulan

11-16-2009, 03:07 PM

10 things every facebook user should know:

http://www.allfacebook.com/2009/02/facebook-privacy/10/

**THIS LINK IS CURRENTLY DOWN** but should be up back soon. It is an excellent article.

Irulan

11-16-2009, 03:12 PM

That's kind of an unfair and ignorant assessment.

Most of my friends are over 40, many over 50. My father was 71 when HE invited me to Facebook, in 2007. My generation is making very very good use of Facebook.

I find it an extremely useful tool for keeping up with my friends and family who are far away. I wouldn't know near as much about my grandchildren if not for Facebook. I wouldn't see the most recent pictures instantaneously if not for Facebook.

I recently found a good friend whom I'd lost touch with since we both moved away. It was awesome and lovely. I had searched for her on Google for a long long time, and it wasn't until Facebook that we actually connected. I'm thrilled and so is she!

I dare you to get on Facebook, and just connect with the people you know who are already there, and just sit back and watch. You'll change your mind.

Karen

thanks Karen, you said that so much nicer than I would have.

lunacycles

11-16-2009, 04:48 PM

For a long time I was extremely wary of FB...visions of old junior high boyfriends, amongst others, came to mind, hunting me down and forcing me to friend them.

Really, it is much more benign. I joined about a month ago because a friend insisted it is a great marketing tool for my business (which I think is arguable, but at least it is free!)...but I find it really fun on a personal level, and have indeed re-connected with some very good friends from the past (like this last week with a couple of former teammates with whom I raced Idaho's HP Challenge in the mid 90's!), none of whom I could have reconnected with by other means. And my sister, who never has time for a phone call, seems to have endless availability through FB. we poke each other daily.

I find it a very friendly format, and the extreme ease of uploading photos (there is a tool through iPhoto that allows you to upload about 50 in a minute) makes it really easy to share your life (on your terms) with your extended community.

Trek420

11-16-2009, 08:24 PM

I now feel like I know my brother much better than I have done in the past 15 years when we were on separate continents and spoke only briefly at Christmas when we both go home.

Is this the same brother to whom once you asked what's been going on lately and he said "check my Facebook page"? :rolleyes: ;) :D

What works for me; Facebook, people I know IRL but distance or time constraints don't see as often as I'd like. Great to keep in touch, post a picture from wherever I am, have gotten in touch with old school chums and I mean like elementary school :p :D and two ex's I get along with :rolleyes:

Discussion groups. Most there don't have my real name, some I never meet. Groups like TE we have stuff in common and of course I have family on TE but the groups are strangers mostly with a focus on one issue (unless we're drifting) :cool:

I'm twitter impaired :rolleyes: don't use it at all.

ShubieGA

11-16-2009, 08:41 PM

The cool part for me has been keeping up with my goddaughter at college - she has drug me into the FB IM and cell texting generation. and the other cool part with FB IM, is one of my friends recently went through tonsil cancer treatment, and it helped her to be able to 'talk' when her voice was gone. But different strokes for different folks......enjoy however you communicate!!! :cool:

Owlie

11-16-2009, 09:34 PM

I'm part of the original target demographic for Facebook, so I've spent most of the last three years with a profile. I try not to do the silly quizzes or things like that unless they look like fun. (So I have the Scrabble app.) I keep in touch with my sister who is apparently unable to use a cell phone :rolleyes: (or keep it out of the washing machine...), my friends who I've seen maybe three times since we went to college, and find out about campus events via Facebook.

The frequent status updates...well, if you know you're going to get a reaction...The frequent ones among my friends are "OMG, midterms! I have three tests and two papers and a project due this week!" Those get sympathy and encouragement.

One of the more serious uses for FB: A guy who went to my high school and university was diagnosed with a particularly aggressive brain tumor. We didn't know each other, but we had many mutual friends. (He is a year older than me.) He's undergone several surgeries and took a turn for the worse in September. His closest friends started a group in order to keep everyone updated on how he was doing.

OakLeaf

11-17-2009, 03:13 AM

Here (http://www.despair.com/somevedi.html) ya go. ;)

Crankin

11-17-2009, 03:39 AM

OakLeaf

11-17-2009, 04:13 AM

You know, people probably had these same discussions when the telephone was invented. "Why can't people take the time for a personal visit or a handwritten letter? It's so impersonal..."

Pax

11-17-2009, 04:42 AM

I don't get the point about how some use Facebook instead of calling, because calling takes too much time. If I am sitting at my computer, using Facebook, isn't that taking up time? I could be doing lots of other things (like leaving for work!) instead of being on TE right now.
I also have moved a few times. I have kept in contact with friends from my last interstate move, which happened way before any form of electronic communication. It is hard to make new connections, but I did it.
My thing with all of these forms of communication is that there is less and less face to face human interaction. It's scary to me. I also think think that the technology aspect of Facebook is somewhat non intuitive to me. If I had to find information about cycling routes there, I'd never find it.
I wonder if there are others like me? I still write down things on paper.
I share your concerns Crankin, less and less personal interaction seems to, in part, aid the growth of our current societal trend towards rude and boorish behavior. Many of the things I read on FB and on other online communities showed people behaving in ways they (hopefully) wouldn't in a face to face situation.

papaver

11-17-2009, 04:50 AM

For me: it makes me see more people in real life! If someone posts that he is going to a ... lets say cycling event :D ... i can ask if i can come too. :D

Blueberry

11-17-2009, 05:12 AM

Posting again to clarify - since I'm one of the people the OP reacted to in the generalization that has sparked so much discussion...

I do like Facebook (and I have used twitter and still have an account). What I object to are the people who post 10 status updates a day, and expect everyone to follow them with rapt attention. Not for me. I know how to ignore, and do. I don't even log on every day. But, it is nice to keep up with some people that I might otherwise lose touch with.

CA

jobob

11-17-2009, 05:39 AM

I don't get the point about how some use Facebook instead of calling, because calling takes too much time.

But when you call someone, you're telling her "drop everything you're doing and speak to me NOW".

With facebook or email, you give that person the ability to respond when she's ready.

It's not about your time, it's about your recipient's time.

Just a thought ...

sfa

11-17-2009, 05:56 AM

Jobob's got it right--I get on FB when I have the time for it, which is generally very early in the morning before my family gets up or late at night after the kids are in bed, dishes done, lunches packed, etc. I would be FINE with people calling me during those times, but they don't. They call at 8:00 at night when I'm trying to do a million things and I end up getting my kids to bed late because the person on the other end of the phone who DOES have free time right then wants to chat and I don't want to be rude by saying "look, could you just email me please?" FB lets people keep in touch who have wildly differenent schedules (also works great for different time zones--FB was how my sister and I kept in daily contact when she moved to Norway).

Of course, I've never been a fan of phone calls. I don't like talking on the phone and never have. I wrote lots of letters to friends and family when I was in college, but email came around about a year after that and it was a godsend to me.

The other obvious benefit of FB communication is that you're communicating with a lot of people at once. Instead of spending time on the phone relaying information to one person, you're updating your whole family and your complete circle of friends. When you're part of a big family like mine, that's really nice--no more of the "well no one told me that!" when you forget to tell one person about something going on. Case in point: I was heading out to Girl Scout camp on a Friday afternoon (and in charge of the group so I couldn't bail on them) when DH called to tell me he was taking our son to the ER with pneumonia and the flu, going directly from the pediatrician to the hospital. Because I couldn't drop everything and didn't have the time to call everyone (I did make one call to my sister; once I got to camp there was no cell phone reception and DH wasn't allowed to use his phone at the hospital) I posted that news on FB, which let everyone know what was going on--far flung friends sent virtual support while local friends stepped in to bring dinner to DH in the hospital, walk and feed our dog, and get a change of clothes for both DH and our son. I'm not saying these things wouldn't have happened without FB, but it sure made things a lot easier!

Sarah

salsabike

11-17-2009, 06:29 AM

You know, people probably had these same discussions when the telephone was invented. "Why can't people take the time for a personal visit or a handwritten letter? It's so impersonal..."

Exactly. Email as well.

tulip

11-17-2009, 07:29 AM

I've never done Facebook or Twitter. Now I might consider opening a Facebook account for my work, but not for personal use. I have better things to do with my time. I have no use for Twitter.

I recently received a LETTER from an old friend who lives far away. It was so nice! I have yet to write her back, but I certainly will. I like letters.

limewave

11-17-2009, 07:43 AM

But when you call someone, you're telling her "drop everything you're doing and speak to me NOW".

With facebook or email, you give that person the ability to respond when she's ready.

It's not about your time, it's about your recipient's time.

Just a thought ...

Gosh, so true. Seems like everyone wants to call between the hours of 5:30 and 7:30 PM. I've just picked up two kiddos from daycare, I'm trying to simultaneously make dinner, play with the kids, make a bottle, feed the baby, change the baby, . . . it's a three-ring circus. How do I answer a phone with a dirty diaper in one hand and chicken goo all over the other???

FB lets me communicate with everyone at my convenience.

I reiterate, dropping into FB is like stopping by the Coffee Shop: you never know which friends are going to be there, but there is going to be friends there.

You know, I don't see how FB is that much different than TE forums.

SadieKate

11-17-2009, 08:12 AM

You know, I don't see how FB is that much different than TE forums.Wider in casting your net to non-TE friends and narrower in letting you choose with whom you communicate.

As far as a time waster or less efficiency than a phone call, who ever had the time and money to print photographs and mail them to every single friend and family member who might like to know about your last vacation? I can post an album and provide some info on each picture for everyone to see and no one feels neglected because they weren't called first. For all the green-minded, the savings in paper, ink, and transportation of the photo graphs should be a winner.

And to take that "it's not about ME" approach to time a step further, it's also about group communication among a circle of friends. If you don't understand that benefit, why are you on TE?

If you want to call someone individually, do it. If you're more of a sharer of photos, news stories, petitions, links to interesting/funny videos, and like the resulting group conversation, FB is a great tool. Neither the phone nor written letters can do this.

Matter of fact, while my father isn't on FB, he is hard of hearing and neither of us is a phone-chatterer. We communicate far more by email than we ever have by phone, letter, or even in person when I was living at home. Would you still have me drive my horse and buggy 500 miles to visit him?

Pax

11-17-2009, 08:22 AM

I see the condescension swings both ways.

I don't do FB but I do post here, they are not mutually exclusive.

Here's a thought, how about if you enjoy posting on FB...do it and have a great time. If you prefer old fashioned communication...do it and have a great time.

SadieKate

11-17-2009, 08:33 AM

Yep.

SadieKate

11-17-2009, 08:35 AM

shootingstar

11-17-2009, 08:37 AM

FB and it's convenience, is not going to happen in my family ...when those who have internet don't respond by email in a timely manner all the time nor do they email often. Also 3 members of my family don't have internet access. 1 of them is a sister who's trying to save money. She's really tight on her budget to pay off her mortgage solo.

Others are my parents. Not computer literate and different language.
I don't expect my nieces and nephews to suddenly bond alot closer to their aunts and uncle..they have many of them anyway. :p

And my close friends who are quite computer literate..they only send me pleasant emails occasionally. I'm happy with the the updates.

I can't force loved ones to use FB, if they aren't using prerequisite technology at this time often with me.

Does this mean less bonding? After hearing stories how little some people trust even some of their siblings....gosh, I trust mine, all of them 100% even if we're not on the phone/email/FB/Twitter/letter every week or every month.

ny biker

11-17-2009, 08:38 AM

I don't get the point about how some use Facebook instead of calling, because calling takes too much time. If I am sitting at my computer, using Facebook, isn't that taking up time? I could be doing lots of other things (like leaving for work!) instead of being on TE right now.
I also have moved a few times. I have kept in contact with friends from my last interstate move, which happened way before any form of electronic communication. It is hard to make new connections, but I did it.
My thing with all of these forms of communication is that there is less and less face to face human interaction. It's scary to me. I also think think that the technology aspect of Facebook is somewhat non intuitive to me. If I had to find information about cycling routes there, I'd never find it.
I wonder if there are others like me? I still write down things on paper.

The only way you'll find cycling routes on facebook is if you have friends who post them there. It's not designed to be the source of information on everything.

It is not physically possible to have more face to face communcation with many of the people I stay in touch with on Facebook because we live far apart. And most of the ones who are local are former co-workers with busy lives who I won't see face to face anyway. I used to try to meet with them and it literally took months to find a day and time when we were both free, until finally I gave up trying. But now we have an easy way to stay in touch.

Really, it's not evil.

jobob

11-17-2009, 08:43 AM

I see the condescension swings both ways.

:confused:

Irulan

11-17-2009, 09:03 AM

I don't get the point about how some use Facebook instead of calling, because calling takes too much time.

I have friends and family members that live in some strange places. Ever tried to place a phone call to Angola or Cambodia?

Keeping in mind that no one's going to force anyone to join FB if they don't want to, I really enjoy it. It's one stop shopping to keep on top of what others are doing or their state of mind; one stop shopping to share photos with others; and I can play scrabble with my mom.

I'm also with the poster that found some long lost people. Back in the days before computers, if you were transient, moved a lot, it was hard to keep track of people. Maybe you didn't have a phone for six months or forwarding address expired? I too found some very special long lost people and it's been a hugely rewarding experience to reconnet.

Note, you don't have to friend everyone that asks you, and you can hide anyone you want.

SadieKate

11-17-2009, 09:06 AM

Does this mean less bonding? After hearing stories how little some people trust even some of their siblings....gosh, I trust mine, all of them 100% even if we're not on the phone/email/FB/Twitter/letter every week or every month.:confused: Bully for you that you have such a great family. Some of us have very dysfunctional families but that's a different conversation.

Shall we go back to the agreement that FB can be a benefit for some? Pick and choose your own communication style. Under your argument I should call my dad even though he can't hear me.

shootingstar

11-17-2009, 09:26 AM

Great Sadie that FB works for your situation.

For those involved in counselling for bilingual, multilingual families....some family members can't even read the language of mother tongue or 2nd adopted language. Guess audio clip should work if they can work the technology.

Verbal works..even if horribly imperfect..I can't even understand my mother 40% of the time. I've lost alot of my Chinese speaking fluency. Can't read Chinese. Translation software for certain languages is time-consuming since words are used creatively by human beings.

With an immigrant population increasing in North America...phone is still the best method in some families.

A note for all future counsellors. When you do cross-cultural family counselling. Technology will not solve linguistic gaps. We still have the world insisting on English fluency, despite translation software.

We're just grateful father can speak English over phone...but he won't be around forever. :(

papaver

11-17-2009, 09:30 AM

For those involved in counselling for bilingual, multilingual families....some family members can't even read the language of mother tongue or 2nd adopted language. Guess audio clip should work if they can work the technology.

Verbal works..even if horribly imperfect..I can't even understand my mother 40% of the time.

That is sadly a side effect of FB. I speak French fluently but I find it very difficult to write it, so I hardly ever do. So for my French speaking friends I prefer to pick up the phone.

SadieKate

11-17-2009, 10:40 AM

Ha! Then there are people like me who can stumble through simple written French but are flummoxed by spoken French.

Yah, I took multiple years of Spanish, German and French throughout my school years and drove my teachers nuts. Aced the written tests and failed the spoken tests. Guess that's why I typeset and proofed in 12 languages for the UC Press. Great visual memory. Horrible sound memory.

MartianDestiny

11-17-2009, 10:45 AM

It amazes me that some people seem to generalize that the use of Facebook is exclusionary to the use of other forms of communication.

I still walk down the hall to talk to my roommates or officemates when that is an option.

I still go out to dinner, movies, Bunco nights, pumpkin carving, gingerbread house making, study groups, doggie play dates with my local friends frequently (at LEAST once a week).

I still go home for Christmas.

I still call my parents and grandmother weekly and non-local friends occasionally.

I still *GASP* write and mail hand-written letters to my best friend.

I still keep private conversations private (either phone, email, or facebook PM).

BUT I also keep up with many more friends that I would not be able to otherwise. I can inform multiple people at once, I can include pictures or video, and I can receive similar messages that I wouldn't have otherwise gotten due to cost prohibitiveness or it being hard to track me down (I've had OVER 6 different addresses in the past 2 years...). I can keep in contact easily and more regularly with people multiple timezones away were schedules and price prohibit frequent phonecalls. I've "re-found" friends that I'd lost contact with. Been quickly notified when friends who I care about but am not in regular contact with need help, etc.

If Facebook is not for you, that's fine. Using it doesn't mean you fall into a black hole in front of your computer though.

People who are rude or lack social skills will be that way whether they are on Facebook, email, passing you on the street, or calling you on the phone.

ny biker

11-17-2009, 10:57 AM

I will say this, I think the makers of facebook add to the confusion by forcing you to create an account in order to see what it's like. I wanted to just look at it before I had to sign up. Even a simple demo using fake profiles would be good. I wound up having a co-worker show me her page.

Pax

11-17-2009, 11:00 AM

...People who are rude or lack social skills will be that way whether they are on Facebook, email, passing you on the street, or calling you on the phone.

I disagree. I've met many people from a motorcycle site I frequent, most of them as the nicest guys you'd ever want to meet in real life but on the internet they say incredibly cruel and thoughtless things at times. They've told me it's because they have to "be nice" IRL and the internet gives them opportunity to cut loose.

The anonymity of the internet has managed to offer people the opportunity to behave abominably with limited repercussions. You can be anyone you want to be on the internet, you can say anything and have little fear of it coming back to bite you. For example, I imagine this entire thread would have gone very differently if we were having this discussion in real life.

jobob

11-17-2009, 11:34 AM

Seems to me your beef is with the internet in general, not with fb in particular.

To me, fb is like that "Thread Drift" thread, but with a much smaller, much more known audience.

NbyNW

11-17-2009, 11:44 AM

That is sadly a side effect of FB.

Um . . . I'm pretty sure these kinds of problems existed before FB.

I don't think anyone is saying that FB is the be-all end-all of communication tools, it just happens to bridge a gap in some cases.

I've got friends who post in Chinese, which I can barely read, and one friend who posts in English when he wants to reach his English-speaking friends, and in Norwegian when he is directing updates to his Norwegian community. I don't mind this in the least.

I'm not saying these are the deepest, most substantive or meaningful interactions or anything -- but when opportunities to hang out with dear friends are rare, it's nice to know that they're out there living their lives and doing well. Or if they're not, as others have said above, it's also nice to know if there are ways to lend support even from far away.

Shootingstar - I hope your family is able to figure out a solution to the language barrier. My own family has had to muddle through with similar situations, sometimes you just have to get creative. Good luck!

MartianDestiny

11-17-2009, 12:10 PM

I disagree. I've met many people from a motorcycle site I frequent, most of them as the nicest guys you'd ever want to meet in real life but on the internet they say incredibly cruel and thoughtless things at times. They've told me it's because they have to "be nice" IRL and the internet gives them opportunity to cut loose.

The anonymity of the internet has managed to offer people the opportunity to behave abominably with limited repercussions. You can be anyone you want to be on the internet, you can say anything and have little fear of it coming back to bite you. For example, I imagine this entire thread would have gone very differently if we were having this discussion in real life.

I'll concede the point to an extent for internet forums such as this and cites like myspace, etc, where strangers are dealing with unknown strangers.

The anonymity is gone on Facebook, however. You register under your real name, friend people you actually know. What you say and do there has real life consequences. People don't (typically) act like they would on a forum. If the above doesn't apply, well, I don't see how very many people are listening to you anyway because not many will friend a stranger on facebook; let alone keep one that turns out to be rude.

I'd also argue that your biker acquaintances aren't really all that "nice" of people anyway; if they are only "nice" because they "have to be" IRL. They just feel they can show their true colors on the internet. That's too bad. If they can't realize (or worse, don't care) that on the other end of the computer is someone that's just as human and hurts just as much as someone standing in front of their face are they really great, awesome people? Even if they hide it well when they talk to someone's face?

limewave

11-17-2009, 12:17 PM

I have a feeling that a lot of us that have FB accounts still . . .

send handwritten letters
call friends and family
meet face-to-face with people

I'm not trying to be condescending or anything like that, I just feel like some people have made comments that assume if you use FB, you lack social skills outside of the internet. And that just isn't true.

IFjane

11-17-2009, 12:19 PM

Pax

11-17-2009, 12:21 PM

...I'd also argue that your biker acquaintances aren't really all that "nice" of people anyway; if they are only "nice" because they "have to be" IRL. They just feel they can show their true colors on the internet. That's too bad. If they can't realize (or worse, don't care) that on the other end of the computer is someone that's just as human and hurts just as much as someone standing in front of their face are they really great, awesome people? Even if they hide it well when they talk to someone's face?
It is a BMW motorcycle site populated primarily with very well off middle aged white males. Most are guys who would give you the shirt off their backs if you needed it, they donate to many good causes, and are family men for the most part. They use the internet to blow off steam and to allow the thin veneer of civilization to slip now and then. I don't understand it and I try to avoid judgment...but then again they're men and we don't often see the world through the same lens.

Shara

11-17-2009, 03:11 PM

When I first moved here I used facebook to join several moms groups so I could meet new people and socialize myself as well as my daughter.

Today, through Facebook, I found out that one of my friend's daughter died because of H1N1. I would not have found out about this through any other means. I do not get together with her (or the group) very often because I'm in school full time and she's been dealing with a very sick child. But today I was able to find out within ours of her darling daughter passing. I was able to (like, literally, hundreds of others) share my sorrow and my sympathy with her and let her know that she was not alone and her daughter was loved. I would not have known her or her duaghter if it wasn't for facebook.

I use facebook to play scrabble with my mom every day even though she lives in a different province.

I find my school friends online so that I can ask them when an assignment is due or if they want to swap essays for review.

I find out how my sister is doing in her classes and how my niece is.

I find friends that I knew in Japan or Chile but either lost their email or never had it.

Through other friends I find out about other mutual friends.

I have reunited with people I knew in elementary and secondary school.

I find out about promotions, heartbreak, losses, random thoughts and more.

And I love it. I don't think it's egocentric to care about what is happening in other people's lives or to want to share about your life through an electronic means.

What is the difference if I come here and post a thread entitled "my dog is sick and needs to go to the vet" or if I post it on facebook? The only difference is here I chat with strangers, there I chat with friends. I'll get pretty much the same responses.

People use it in different ways. It doesn't mean that all people are the same. Some people spam on it just like on forums.

Bottom line... it's a networking site.

Twitter I don't really use that much. i have a few 'followers' for my etsy business but that's about it.

ETA: Facebook is not about eliminating oral or face-to-face contact. It's about networking in general. I have joined local biking groups on it (haven't gone yet but will...) I have met people through my mom's group and we go out for coffee when we can. We also exchange ideas about events/festivals/movies/etc. that we can take our kids to. We talk about sales and more. And then we go out and do it.

Crankin

11-17-2009, 06:11 PM

It's sort of interesting that there are so many opinions about this.
I have made some conclusions, mostly about myself.
I have pared down my "friends" over the years. I mean real friends, not FB ones. I guess I don't feel the need to stay in contact with a lot of people from my past. I moved a lot in the past and at each stage, I let those people go.
I have a very small family, most of whom are not particularly computer literate. My brother doesn't even have a computer, although my 85 year old dad does. He can barely use the mouse, so I stopped emailing him. I call.
I stopped talking to my family that lives near me, mostly because of their offensive (to me) racism and political views...
I don't share photos, articles, political stuff, jokes on line, in any form. I don't know how to download photos from the camera, to my computer. In fact, I barely know how to use the camera. The only place I've posted photos is here on TE, and that's only after my DH has sent them to me, or put them on my laptop. The whole thing is a mystery to me.

So, I guess my world is pretty small, compared to most. I have 4-5 good friends here and lots of acquaintances. One kid and my dad, and brother are in California. My other kid is here. Other than one or two friends in AZ and my former exchange student, who is now in Colorado, that's it.

lunacycles

11-17-2009, 07:46 PM

Tulip says:

I recently received a LETTER from an old friend who lives far away. It was so nice! I have yet to write her back, but I certainly will. I like letters.

Dude. Woah. Seriously? I haven't received a letter since, like, Camp Lake Hubert.

Zen

11-18-2009, 05:11 AM

I just wrote someone a letter last week. And I send postcards often.

ASammy1

11-18-2009, 05:29 AM

I just wrote someone a letter last week. And I send postcards often.

We used postcards as Save the Dates for our wedding and also as Thank you cards. Since everyone was travelling to us, we thought it was appropriate :D

SheFly

11-18-2009, 05:32 AM

The anonymity of the internet has managed to offer people the opportunity to behave abominably with limited repercussions. You can be anyone you want to be on the internet, you can say anything and have little fear of it coming back to bite you. For example, I imagine this entire thread would have gone very differently if we were having this discussion in real life.

While this may be true, it is also true that EVERYONE needs to be aware of what they are posting, and where. Employers WILL do a Google/FB search on you before hiring. Saying "anything" thinking you are anonymous on the internet is just foolish - I don't do it here (where I am "slightly" anonymous), nor on my blog, nor on FB.

Unlike some, I have every "fear of it coming back to bite" me. That doesn't mean I don't use the technology, just that I am careful in my use.

SheFly

papaver

11-18-2009, 05:35 AM

I just wrote someone a letter last week. And I send postcards often.

I often send postcards. I love it. Even when we're visiting a small city nearby, it happens that i send a postcard to my mom or a friend. It's kinda goofing around and being nice at the same time. :D

blackhillsbiker

11-18-2009, 06:42 AM

Somebody has probably already posted this. If so, my apologies, but I don't have time to read through the thread this morning. A friend gave me a helpful tip. If you look to the left in your "Facebook home" you'll see the list with Newsfeed, Notes, Photos, etc. Drag the item "Status Updates" to the top of the list (above Newsfeed). That becomes your default view and you don't have to see when friends take quizzes, play Farmville or Diner, or Mafia Wars... this has made Facebook much better for me. I just like to keep track of far-flung friends (and some relatives).

Deb

AnnieBikes

11-18-2009, 07:10 AM

I have skimmed through this thread and really enjoyed all the different views. I resisted FB for a year after I first joined (at the request of my oldest son). I thought it was a college fad and would never suit a 50-something! I just could NOT see the point...until my first grandchild was born. It has been the most wonderful thing since for my DH and me. We could see pics, videos, and notes about what she was doing. When I made one of my three long bicycle rides, I could keep up with family, close friends, and some other friends. It did not take the place of my blog when I was on the road, but allowed quick updates. I USUALLY do not kill tons of time on the computer ...haha..just spent 45 min. reading this thread! :o

*I "hide" all people whose posts are only mafia wars, farmville, etc.
*I don't participate in "what shoe am I" or any other stupid "quizzes".
*I ONLY accept friend requests from those who I really CARE about hearing about. That does not include my brother's former girlfriends, ex family members, etc. :D
*I block those people I "friended" at the beginning of my FB use, when I did not know any better, and now don't care to hear about.

The death of a very dear aunt of mine has brought me in much closer touch with my cousins who live a long way away. It has been wonderful, I must say.

You can use FB for whatever you need and block the rest.

PS My DH just joined a few days ago...got tired of hearing me laugh at a video of our granddaughter and wanted to get a page of his own!!! Now THAT is progress!

PPS, I love TE for things like this!!!!

MomOnBike

11-18-2009, 09:46 AM

Pax

11-18-2009, 09:53 AM

Regarding watching what you say (type):

My (way, way pre-computer) grandfather had a rule about that. "Never write anything you do not want to see printed on the front page of your local newspaper, above the fold."

That was good advice in the last century, and remains so today. The more things change. . . .

MomOnBike
(who is appalled at some of the things some people post online - and not just Facebook)

Your grandfather was a wise man.

I'm following a thread on another forum where people are talking about the lies they post on FB, one young man and his girlfriend have a running "gag" where they've convinced their families (who live in other States) that they eloped because she was pregnant...and just yesterday posted that she aborted because they weren't ready yet. They think it's hilarious how "freaked out" the families are.

Geonz

11-18-2009, 09:58 AM

Ok, then I had the right impression...it's an egocentric crowd that is using it. That's what I thought. What is this generation coming to...

Lisa

And... it's not egocentric to do exactly the same thing on this board? (which, unlike FB, **is** open to the whole world, except perhaps part of China ;) )

Irulan

11-18-2009, 10:29 AM

I found a new use for FB this week.

My mother is very ill. I don't keep much in touch with her cousins and good friend, but I know who they are.

I figured folks would want to know about her condition. I was able to message one of the cousins, and the daughter of a very good friend of hers easily through my mom's friend list, and get the word out that way. This saved me having to dig out my address book. Some of these people I don't even have contacts for. Folks were very appreciative that I took the time out to contact them, and FB made it very easy to do.

SadieKate

11-18-2009, 12:55 PM

Interestingly, a highschool boyfriend just tracked me down via LinkedIn, a professional networking site.

The internet can make it such a small world.

Irulan, hoping the best for you and your mother.

solobiker

11-18-2009, 03:57 PM

deeaimond

11-18-2009, 04:18 PM

I am from the generation they term tech natives (as opposed to tech migrant). Even I didn't have facebook at first because i thought it was some silly rubbish like myspace (terribly hard to navigate) or friendster (lots of random people trying to be yr 'friend')

I joined FB a few years ago when they finally opened it to institutions outside the US. before all the applications started appearing. The Apps drive me nuts. I love FB because I get to keep track of what friends are doing. I have more than 500 friends on FB (how did that happen?), but these are all people i actually know. I have a rule that I only add people that I have actually met. So friends from various schools, old church friends, some colleagues, some relations etc.

With 500+ plus friends, you don't check all of them out all the time, but sometimes, i think of someone, i might not be able to make a random call, but I can at least check out their photos, maybe leave a comment on a photo or say hello in a call. Its a good way to keep aquaintances because you never really know when you might need a connection or two.

On a personal level, I guess everyone can choose how much information you put out there. My page is restricted to only those I have added as friends. People I don't mind showing my travel photos, or occasional shoutouts to. I don't put pictures of a personal nature, like boyfriend pics or stuff i think is too sexy/ will give the wrong impression of me. Just bear in mind its stuff u won't mind showing yr mother. (my bf is also very paranoid about privacy on fb and i get the occasional call from him to watch certain things i say or post. 'my sister can see this hon and what will she think about you??')

fortunately for me, my parents and most older relations have not jumped on this bandwagon, and most people on my FB are restricted to people in my social circle/peers - I have my sister on, but my brother... no..

I don't use it as much as when i was in college, coz now i'm super busy and i don't really use 3G phone technology so much. But its a good way to catch up with friends.

I guess if you had 5 friends you want to talk to, and you're familiar with their lifestyles and schedules you can just call... but.. 500... I hardly have time for calls. Only call my bf, and occasionally my best friends. But we're not good over the phone. We'll usually just meet up in person and go for dinner pr something. FB allows me to keep contact without making anyone feel slighted I guess...

shootingstar

11-18-2009, 04:30 PM

I joined FB a few years ago when they finally opened it to institutions outside the US. before all the applications started appearing. The Apps drive me nuts. I love FB because I get to keep track of what friends are doing. I have more than 500 friends on FB (how did that happen?), but these are all people i actually know. I have a rule that I only add people that I have actually met. So friends from various schools, old church friends, some colleagues, some relations etc.

With 500+ plus friends, you don't check all of them out all the time, but sometimes, i think of someone, i might not be able to make a random call, but I can at least check out their photos, maybe leave a comment on a photo or say hello in a call. Its a good way to keep aquaintances because you never really know when you might need a connection or two.

On a personal level, I guess everyone can choose how much information you put out there. ...............................................................................

fortunately for me, my parents and most older relations have not jumped on this bandwagon, and most people on my FB are restricted to people in my social circle/peers - I have my sister on, but my brother... no..

I'm totally amazed by 500 acquaintances that you've met and got in FB network and actually allow this networking. :eek: Just how long (and lucky) will you remain if senior family generation never gets into FB networking? :p

Ok. If I include my 100+ relatives in North America who can read English, not the ones who are Chinese-language literate only (Forget about relatives in China, I can't read Chinese.), plus friends I still keep in touch, face-to-face cycling acquaintances would be under 250.

If I included work colleagues (heaven forbid), that would amount to 500..over last 10 yrs.

deeaimond

11-18-2009, 04:39 PM

I'm totally amazed by 500 acquaintances that you've met and got in FB network and actually allow this networking. :eek: Just how long (and lucky) will you remain if senior family generation never gets into FB networking? :p

Ok. If I include my 100+ relatives in North America who can read English, not the ones who are Chinese-language literate only (Forget about relatives in China, I can't read Chinese.), plus friends I still keep in touch, cycling acquaintances here that would be under 250.

If I included work colleagues (heaven forbid), that would amount to 500..over last 10 yrs.

Like i said, i think its a generational thing. Most of the people I know are also tech natives. work colleagues are probably 10% of the 500. The rest are friends from school etc. 90% of the 500 are under 30 yrs of age, and Its safe to say 70% are under the age of 25... (no one under 21 though i think...) I draw a strict line at adding students. When my kids ask me, my standard reply is 'no i don't add students on facebook.' They always look quite stunned. I don't know what under-12s are doing on facebook. That is unsafe use to me...

ny biker

11-18-2009, 04:43 PM

If I opened it up to everyone I know from high school and college that I've found on facebook, I would easily be in the hundreds. But then it would be "aquaintancebook" not facebook.

I have 4 teenage relatives on my friends list. I try not to embarrass them, but I do pay attention to what they're up to just to keep an eye on them. They all have other adult relatives on their friends lists, which I imagine is required by their parents.

shootingstar

11-18-2009, 04:47 PM

It's ok, deeiamond I've already provided enough transparency of some stuff about myself..to TE forum. Otherwise I would be just a cycling machine. :o Even if one is not using FB or using much of it now/future, they 'give' abit of themselves to participate in Internet forums and listservs with some discretion.

That's enough transparency about myself (outside of the work/career), as far as I'm concerned right now. I doubt my niece and nephew who are 24 & 22 , care much about their auntie's photos about life in Vancouver. Great people but at this stage in life, they're too busy carving their own lives and cutting the apron strings from home.

Come to think of it, I should ask if my partner's children are on FB. Even his son, at 29 doesn't send much email to dearie. He prefers to call on his cellphone. I would say that his son is simply less text oriented whereas his daughter 31, is much more inclined to email ..she did her Master's in English Lit., loves sudoko (sp?), teaches ESL, enjoys wordsmithing, etc. They are a generation that played electronic games heavily, takes apart the computer, etc.

People cannot be easily lumped into categories due to just generational affiliation.

Crankin

11-18-2009, 04:48 PM

Shootingstar, your "heaven forbid" made me laugh out loud. Yea, I guess if I counted former work colleagues (not all of them, just the ones I actually worked with), I might get to between 100-200. I don't even talk to the people from my last job, which was only 2 years ago. And one was what I consider to be a real friend. Yesterday I got an "SOS" call from the new principal, saying they had a "situation" and wondered if I would be interested in filling in. I feel so far away from that life, I did call back to say no, but at first I thought, "Why are they calling me?"
Yes, I really only have 5 friends. Real friends. Ones that I see, talk to, go out with, ride with (well, 2 of them). The rest, well, are acquaintances. I might go out with them occasionally and email/talk once in awhile, but they are more casual friends. There are also people I ride with once in awhile and people from my cycling group. All very nice, but no deeper friendships have developed there. I know a lot of people in the area, and constantly have people to say hi to at the grocery store, etc., but they are not friends.
I can't imagine having 500 friends. I don't know 500 people!

deeaimond

11-18-2009, 05:07 PM

Hmm... I never reaLLY email anyone either. In fact i only email for work. email is very time-consuming. i rather just call and the person can respond right away. i live with my parents and i hardly call my grandmas... :p

And yes. i think its quite an aquaintance-book. But mostly some kind of friend.. there are about 200 people who i dont really care for on my fb.. but then i'm too lazy to delete them all.... I guess i will one day. (plus i wanna look at their pictures! even though i dont really wanna talk to them or have anything to say to them!)(i know i'm gonna get flamed for this. can i blame youthful curiousity?)

but i guess the difference i have seen in this thread and reading responses is that once u reach a certain place in life, u don't really need too many people ard you anymore. it all becomes very superficial. at college i felt like i had to know everyone. now i dont even care too much just wanna be closer to the people i already know. I mean, now i don't know for sure i don't need the help of these people anymore. i don't feel like i can afford to burn any bridges yet.

no i'm not an ageist! anyone wants to add me on FB? I have no TE friends there!

deeaimond

11-18-2009, 05:10 PM

Shootingstar, your "heaven forbid" made me laugh out loud. Yea, I guess if I counted former work colleagues (not all of them, just the ones I actually worked with), I might get to between 100-200. I don't even talk to the people from my last job, which was only 2 years ago. And one was what I consider to be a real friend. Yesterday I got an "SOS" call from the new principal, saying they had a "situation" and wondered if I would be interested in filling in. I feel so far away from that life, I did call back to say no, but at first I thought, "Why are they calling me?"

Hahha, i know why! they're desperate, the new P doesn't know u in particular, just that u taught there before. they found yr name in the old staff records they found. I'm kinda glad u said no.

on a side note, i think i'm having to teach primary 1 next year, and i'm freaking out.... they are 6 yrs old!!!!!!!!! ARRRGGGHHHHHHH I don't have the option of saying NO!

bluebug32

11-18-2009, 07:22 PM

I don't think Twitter receives enough good attention. Facebook blatantly stole Twitters feed idea. Through my Twitter feed, I am routinely fed my local weather, coupons for places I actually shop at, tech and news updates, updates on the latest in my profession, what my friends are up to, and also what pro cyclists are up to. No where else can you so precisely fine tune what information you want to receive. When the airplane landed in the Hudson this year, it broke on Twitter before any of the news outlets had a photo or even a headline. I agree that it's a waste to know what my friend ate for breakfast or that Lance's mustache for Movember is a slow-grower, but if you're able to dig a little deeper, there's a wealth of quick bits of info. at your fingertips.

SLash

11-18-2009, 08:30 PM

lph

11-18-2009, 10:38 PM

I like that rule. I will start to use it as it is so very true.

This is what they say in general about Facebook, whenever inappropriate use comes up in the media: "don't publish anything that you wouldn't want to find pinned to the nearest lamppost for all your neighbours to see".

Crankin

11-19-2009, 03:43 AM

Deeaimond, actually the new principal does know me. We were hired at the same time, in 1999, both being quite above the experience and age for new hires in teaching (that's what I loved about my last employer. They hired by need, not by how much they had to pay). He just forgot that I was in grad school, doing something else.
I was in your position once. I got involuntarily transferred from the middle school to an elementary school. Since I was a special ed collaborative teacher, the new principal wisely decided to assign me to work with 4th and 2nd grade. She took one look at me and knew it was best not to put me with first graders. The second grade was a learning curve of about a semester, but it was actually OK.

OakLeaf

11-25-2009, 04:56 AM

Another example - not a new usage, but the first time I've seen integration with "old media:"

Late yesterday afternoon two local high school students were killed in a car accident. The newspaper's web report of the accident has a link to a Facebook memorial page. As of this morning the group already has 750 members.

Thankfully I haven't lost anyone close since adopting FB, but I can say that when I lost my dogs it was hugely helpful to be able to go to online pet loss support sites whenever I was struggling with the grief. I can totally appreciate how much comfort bereaved friends must find on these memorial sites. Not to have to call someone up and burden them without knowing their mood, but to be able to read and post pictures and memories, chat with friends who are already online, etc.

Tuckervill

11-25-2009, 02:40 PM

Yes, recently a teenager in my town committed suicide. I found out about it on Facebook. We didn't know the boy, but many of my son's friends and our baseball friends knew him and were simply devastated.

It happened during the week before the date of an annual walk I participate in to raise money for research to prevent suicide; I was able to get a message across on Facebook about this important work to people who were in deep need of the resources this organization provides. I wouldn't have had that access to this family otherwise.

I can only hope that some of his family or friends found the information they needed through that organization. Certainly I hope it means there are no copy-cat suicides in his wake.

Karen

NbyNW

11-25-2009, 03:19 PM

+1 re sharing news, mourning, and memorializing.

One of the longtime music teachers where I grew up passed away earlier this year. When I was going to school, the music program was such that many students who were studying an instrument might have worked with him from 4th grade all the way through high school, so he had a meaningful impact on a lot of students. A lot of kids where I grew up move away after college, like I did, so many of his students are far and wide. A couple of FB pages sprung up after the news circulated where people could post their condolences and memories of this wonderful teacher.

shootingstar

11-25-2009, 05:54 PM

This is what they say in general about Facebook, whenever inappropriate use comes up in the media: "don't publish anything that you wouldn't want to find pinned to the nearest lamppost for all your neighbours to see".

Or if one posts anything on any Internet tool, including twitter, FB, don't lie.

As we may know LinkedIN is used for posting one's work related history, details, etc. I discovered when browsing a colleague's LinkedIN profile, that she lied about the work period dates for a certain employer. She overextended the date period of working in a particular role.

I know she lied, because the person who actually worked in that same extended time period for same firm, ...was ME. :mad: She was my predecessor.

Now I'm trying to politely straighten out this crap with her. I had staff reporting directly to me with written performance appraisals, granting of bonuses. So my role was real. I'm not a ghost. :mad::( Oh well, I also have a full article published on the Internet during my tenure with same employer during same time period.

I spoke with a employment recruiter about this incident. She told me...that some candidates have lied outright about certain firms that they worked for ..when in fact, they had not. She did advise that no matter what, let this colleague fall on her face because it will eventually bite her back later.

So the Internet can reveal things one never dreamt of. :eek::mad: