Need Advice--Should I move out?

[Syndirelah]

Ok ladies, I need advice. (warning, long story to follow).

I graduated in 2006 from a good university (music degree), and went to grad school in another state. I was able to work, support myself, and be in school at the same time. At the end of my first year in grad school, one of my parents was diagnosed with a terminal illness. I left school to move home and help out with things. I worked and helped out at home during this time, and my dad passed away in 2008 after a year-long illness.

In the fall of 2008, I restarted my master's degree at a different school, both to be at a better program (for me) and so I could still help out at home with some of the fall-out.

Last year, I commuted to school Mondays, Wed. and Fridays on the train, two hours each way. On Tues/Thurs., I substitute taught at my old high school. (I occasionally had to be at school one of these days, so the flexibility worked in my favor).

Fast forward to this fall. I just returned home after completing in (unpaid but wonderful) internship in Maine for the summer. It was the first time Ive had the opportunity to leave since initially moving home, and, for the first time in literally 2.5 years, spend time with people my own age. I have free rent and don't help out with utilities, but our house is on the market to sell. (who knows when that will happen, with the economy!).

After being home for the past couple of years, under pretty miserable circumstances, I want to move out. But I have only a few $k saved, and student loan debt. (but no credit card debt or car payments). I could take out $10k for living expenses.

So, what do I do???

Keep commuting another year? By staying home, I'm not able to MAKE much money, and not interacting with my peers/networking at all. with the time spent commuting--having such limited availability, I havent been able to find additional part-time work. But, Im not plummeting AS far into debt if I were to move out.

But, I'm incredibly unhappy here. and after this summer, I'm seeing how much I'm missing out on in life...

At least if I moved out, I could regain some sense of identity. After a couple days job hunting, I have a job closer to school (and the apt. I would move into, I an offer to move in with a friend)... but its waitressing, and not necessarily 100% steady... I would need to find something in addition. I've been scouting for students to teach, but its tough with the economy.

As for my chosen profession, music is tough-- Ive been taking auditions and advanced in a couple, but it can take years to land a first job.

This sucks.

I would like to think it's brave to take a leap, find out what I'm made of. Or is it smarter to stick with the free rent as long as possible-- even if my life is going nowhere during that time....

I can't decide....

:(

[alpinerabbit]

Try to do the move on a shoestring - waitress if needed, or find another substitute job at the town you're going to, and toss that job if you find something better. Try not to get into any debt.

Forget about "loyalty" - you're selling your abilities on the market.

As for your mom - she should be understanding because you already made a pretty big "gift" to your parents by moving back to support them. Now it should be your time to grow.

[redrhodie]

It seems to me your post is all pro moving out. The only con seems to be about $ and that's the normal one that we all feel, especially in the arts. ;)

Don't take out that loan! You are debt free except for student loans, and that's a great thing. Maybe you can get a student loan deferment for the first few months? I don't know if that's a good idea, but you could check into it.

I'm sorry about your father. I hope you're able to find a happier place, and enjoy your life again.

[Biciclista]

spread your wings, little bird.

[Pax]

Move out, independence is priceless.

[Pan Dulce]

Move out! Things will be tight, but you sound like you will be so much happier. That's what's important, right? :)

[Kris]

Move out. Live as simply as you can to reduce the amount you need to borrow. Try to reduce it to 0.

[NbyNW]

Can you take it one semester at a time, so it doesn't seem like such a huge leap?

Maybe when the waitressing dries up in October, holiday season jobs will be opening up. And I agree with you that it's valuable to be networking and making friends while you're in school. You won't have the same opportunities to build your network after you finish your degree, and the ties you build now could lead to important referrals and collaborations in the future.

Do everything you possibly can to stay out of debt, or if you must borrow money, make sure you have a concrete plan for how and when you are going to pay it off. It's not easy, but we all go through it at some point. Sometimes more than once.

If you don't "take the leap" now, will you be asking yourself the same questions in 3 months, 6 months or a year?

[Geonz]

My 'advice' - Crunch the numbers. If you can get out without more debt, do it. (10K is a pretty hefty chunk.) If not, spend a semester socking away and do a midwinter leap.

[tulip]

I'm going to buck the trend here. IMHO, student loan debt is very valuable if not abused. The rates are ridiculously low. When I had my loans, they were in the 3% range.

Move out, find a place to rent/share with very low expenses, keep your expenses to a minimum, work if you have to...but your education comes first, with all that is associated with it: the networking, the extra activities that can really pay off in terms of jobs and contacts down the road.

Use the student loans for what they were intended. Don't go buy a car with them!

[DDH]

My condolences to you and your family at the loss of your father.

Normally being the overly responsible one in my family I would tell you to stay and take advantage of the free rent and ability to not get into more debt.
That's my conservative, responsible, not wanting to pay a dime in interest to anyone side.

Get out and live. I mean obviously you don't want to get into a great deal of debt, but if you were doing it before without creating a lot of debt, then you can do it again. Your only young and going to college and beginning life on your own one time. Make the best of it.

[Mr. Bloom]

Don't stay in an unhappy situation...don't go into debt. Please don't assume it's either/or...there is some alternative that you're not considering...but only you know your situation and biases.

Instead of networking for a job, could you take the interim step of networking for a roommate or alternative living situation?

[Tuckervill]

Your brother doesn't want you to move out because he likes having you near your mom. That's my guess. His opinion is one thing, but if your mom needs you, that's another.

Why can't your mom move with you? It seems to me like she needs something to look forward to. A new adventure. I know that idea is fraught with potholes--she probably doesn't want to leave the place where she lived with him just yet. But maybe that's a possibility?

There are so many possibilities! Be creative. You'll find a way.

Karen

[beccaB]

Can you take the classes you would need to be a music educator? That's the one thing I did not do that I wish I had. I am a freelance musician also, but I have had a lot of odd jobs and then raised a family and now I wish I had obtained the music ed degree. I did not think I would want to teach kids in a classroom setting (band), but after being involved with kids for 20 years, hindsight is 20/20. At least with a music ed degree you can teach in a school, not in Michigan (there are no jobs here) but somewhere.

[shootingstar]

Possible to find a friend, or someone who can rent or sublet a rm. for you at a reasonable rate. Rest of stuff in storage if possible?

I have a good friend who had to leave her small apartment because landlady was selling the house. So she stayed with me ..my roommate had gone off to home in Malayasia for the summer. And so friend only needed to stay for 2 months.

It worked out well..

but we're very lucky as 2 compatible room mates: she's still one of my closest friends 1/4 century later. :)

[NbyNW]

Sounds like you're stretched pretty thin, with some big decisions to make on top of that! It is understandably a scary time to be contemplating life after graduation.

You are going to be fine. It sounds like you have a few weeks to shop around for concrete options re your living situation. Check bulletin boards, put the word out among friends and colleagues that you are looking for a place to live. You never know who might know about a situation that will fit your needs.

Since the employment situation could be uncertain, you want to avoid increasing the size of your student loan. You also want to avoid getting locked into a lease that causes you stress you don't need. Once you have finished school, how much time do you want to spend working at the running store to pay your rent, vs. time you need to practice and keep your skills sharp to find a job in your chosen field? I think one of the most challenging things at your stage is making for your big-picture goals when practical, daily concerns seem to have a greater feeling of urgency. I don't remember what instrument you play, but are there community orchestras/semi-pro ensembles that you could join?

It also occurs to me that while working at the running shoe store seems to be alright for paying the bills, it is *just* a job, in that it doesn't do anything to advance your music career. I know the economy is terrible, but is there a possibility of finding work closer to school? The commute you describe is quite long. That's valuable time you could be spending practicing your instrument.

These transitions are never easy . . . but one day you'll look around you and take a lot of pride in getting out there on your own, paying your own way, and hopefully, doing work you love. It's a pretty darn good feeling, and that day will come. Be strong!

[tc1]

Hi. Stressed much? It has been a long time since I was in your situation, and I chose a different career path, so (knock on wood) I won't have to do it again. Oh yeah, and the economy is much worse than when I was starting out.

Anyway, here in Seattle it is a foregone conclusion that young people, or people starting a new career, will be sharing housing with someone. I shared a house after college with 2 friends for 9 years. Sounds like shared housing is what you need, both for the economy and the flexibility. Don't get tied up with a lease if you can help it.

One of my friends is working on her masters' in music something-or-other right now. She "owns" her house, but her mortgage is so high it's just like paying rent. She always has at least one roommate, and prefers to advertise for them at a college. Between the roommates and loans and the occasional music lesson she is getting by. I know you can too.

[Selkie]

Jen, I've been there and it wasn't easy. It might not seem likely now, but things will be ok. Actually, better than OK if you are careful and smart.

Agree w/tc1, find a roommate, rent a room, maybe see if you can find some long-term housesitting or petsitting gig. I shared a one-bedroom apt in a not-so-great part of Philly when I first moved away from home after college. When I started my "career," I shared a house with two other gals.... You gotta do what you gotta do!

Sending you lots of good karma. Keep pursuing your dream of doing what you love (music), even if your "day job" pays the bills for now.

[Melalvai]

Marry a rich man.
lol

[WindingRoad]

I think the roommate idea is a good one. Don't feel guilty for using your student loans for living expenses that's why the government allows for that. Honestly it sounds like the depression that your mother is feeling over your father's passing is creeping into you. I can completely understand needing to distance myself from that. I'm sure you are sad too and seeing her sit and watch TV all day isn't helping you. You are telling us what helps you, going out and interacting with the world and people your age. There is no crime in that. Best of luck to you.

[Triskeliongirl]

Hang in there! Finding compatable roomates is the best advice I can give you. After graduating from college, initially my daughter rented a room in a home with a family (old family friends) to save money, but then put a group of 3 really good friends together and they rented an apartment together. Rent split 3 ways is really manageable, and she is really enjoying living with people her own age. Also, now that your mom's house sold, perhaps she can help you out in an emergency, to take some stress off. We helped our daughter in the beginning with the expenses of getting set up in an apartment (security deposits, etc.), but at this point in time she is supporting herself.

[malkin]

I remember that feeling from years of graduate school!

One thing that (sort of) helped me was to separate the real issues (Need a place to live) from my hyped up anxiety about the situation (OMG I'm going to be homeless; I don't even have a shopping cart; It's starting to rain; What am I going to do? I'll freeze; I'll die!).

Because there are rational steps to deal with the real issues (Look at places to live) while the anxiety just spins itself out of control.

Hang in there!

[Pyannyplayer]

You are exactly where I was over 20 years ago! It can be scary, but it is doable. I have degrees in piano performance; while you play a different instrument, the story could be the same.

I agree that you need to have people to share living expenses with. Had I not done that, I very well could have ended up homeless and hungry.

I currently have my dream job, teaching music at a university. The road here was not easy, but I'm here.

Things I did: I worked for a realty office while I built up my piano studio. Lessons are a good way to get your name out there and make some money. I worked 8-3 at the office; taught lessons from 3:30 until whenever, five days a week and Saturdays. I also did some "free" performances here and there so that people would hear me play. From there, I got some regular playing gigs that paid, not a lot, but at least I got paid. That, in turn, gave me performances around the state, then around the nation that paid me and paid me well.

My position I have now started out as part time, teaching one class. I taught here, accompanied a local high school choral program, taught lessons, accompanied rehearsals for musicals, accompanied a community choir, AND accompanied state, national, and international choirs! I had AT LEAST five jobs at any given time. :eek:

I now have my dream job....and only ONE job! I guess, in short, if you're willing to be a little "creative", you can make your own dream a reality and live pretty comfortably.

Lorie

BTW the only thing I didn't like about all of this was BOOKKEEPING! You have to be detailed to make sure Uncle Sam is happy...

[beccaB]

Syndirelah
I was where you are with working the odd jobs to make ends meet, with a bachelors of Music performance, flute. I can't remember what you play, but I hope you will stay plugged in. Never, Never, Never give up. I did that, got side tracked and have regretted it all my life.