Life's Curveballs (Bike and Not Bike Related)

[Aggie_Ama]

I have really been struggling with the summer heat, my new job being busy and then Friday my Dear Nanny passed away. She went so peacefully after fitting alzheimers a year and then a quick bout with pneumonia. I am so exhausted and I haven't really gotten upset yet but it has completely occupied my mind. I went back to work (they didn't make me I needed something to do) and have just been keeping busy. I don't feel like riding but I also feel guilty for not riding. I have a roadie I love but yesterday I told DH I didn't want to come along. I just got a new mountain bike but I am not looking forward to riding it either.

Before Nanny died I was already struggling, I feel content (I have depression) but I am just feeling lazy too. It has been 100 degrees for over 50 days. My job is EXREMELY rewarding, I am so glad I took the new job and love going to work but it can be tiring this time of year.

I just miss riding but at the same time I don't feel like riding. I used to always feel like riding to clear my head, now I feel like laying on the couch. I am sure I am not the only one who just wishes they could just turn a corner and be in a different place mentally.:(

[Selkie]

So sorry to hear about your loss....

I don't really feel qualified to give you any advice, but I think we all have down times in our lives that we must weather. The good thing is that everything is temporary. The weather will change (not just in terms of the outside temperature).

Luckily, you have an overall good situation at work. And you have family who loves you (which I've deduced from your past postings).

Be good to yourself.

[Crankin]

AA, I am sorry about your grandmother. I remember that around this time last year you were also feeling a bit burned out on cycling, and so was I. I decided to do more utility cycling and forget about the rest for awhile. When the season started again, I had a much better attitude. Although I think I will have less mileage, I am not burned out for the first time in a few years and my speed has gone up from last year, after going down 2 years in a row.
The hot weather doesn't help. Maybe you could just chill for awhile? I found that doing something active, yet not as stressful, like walking was good. That way, I didn't feel like a total couch potato, but it didn't require the preparation and work of cycling.

[redrhodie]

When my mom died, I just couldn't ride. I eventually came back to it, but it took time. Give yourself a break if you need it, without guilt.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

[jobob]

What they said. Be good to yourself, love.

The bikes will be there when your ready for them.

[Tri Girl]

{{{{{HUGS}}}}}

I'm sorry you lost your Nanny. From what you've said about her in the past, I know she was an amazing woman.
Don't worry about the bike. It's miserably hot and when your head's not in the right place, it can really be hard to make yourself get out there. You'll want to ride soon, you're just really overwhelmed lately. The temps will cool and you'll fall in love with your bikes and riding again. Don't be too hard on yourself. Sit on the couch, watch tv, and do nothing if that's how you're feeling right now. It's OK.
Take care!!!

[SheFly]

My condolences to you on the loss of your nanny.

When my brother died this year, I did the opposite to you - got on the bike and hammered, as hard as I could. Took out all of my frustrations, anger, etc on the bike. And it hurt me. I beat myself up, which wasn't good either.

Like you, the depression came in and I didn't feel like doing anything. Months later (my brother died in mid-May), I still feel that way a lot, but it is getting better. My point is that you need to do what you FEEL like doing. If you feel like riding, do it. If you don't, don't. It is really important to take care of yourself right now - do what makes you feel good.

Hugs to you.

SheFly

[OakLeaf]

(((((((Amanda)))))))

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Take care of yourself. Give yourself space to grieve. Take enough quiet time that you can understand what it is you need to do (ride or not, work or not, be alone or with other people). As everyone else has said, it'll all be there for you whenever you're ready.

[tulip]

Aggie--hugs to you and your family. Alzheimers is such a terrible illness.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but your Nanny is not your Mawmaw, right? Your Mawmaw is feisty and independent and still going pretty strong? Just trying to keep them straight--I don't have any grandmothers left, so I borrow them from time to time when I need a little guidance.

[Norse]

I just lost my dad to f***ing cancer. Before and during this time I have been dealing with huge work-related stress due to layoffs in our group and the added work I have had to shoulder. The whole process has been mentally/emotionally exhausting. Although I sometimes don't feel like getting on the bike, it has been very therapeutic when I can. I need to bike. You need to do whatever helps you cope with life's big curveballs. I wish you well.

[Aggie_Ama]

Tulip- Yes, I was very fortunate to have 28.5 years with both my Grandmas. My Mammaw is 91 and feisty, a bit nutty, wise. My Nanny was a career woman, when I was growing up I thought she was so beautiful and graceful. She was put together, always had nice work clothes and a high level position for a woman in the 1980's. I am glad Nanny only had a year of the alzheimers really tangling her mind, fortunately her body gave out before her mind really did. I am glad I wrote a beautiful obituary that her son (my dad) loved. I am glad she was very with it last Wednesday and she was able to talk to me and the last thing she said before getting worse that night to me was "I love you" and I said the same. In years to come I know that will mean even more to me.

I always struggle with what I feel I should do and what I should do. Yesterday I went to ride and ended up crying amongst the pine needles. I wasn't ready to face my grief, still trying. I know it takes time but you always think when it is yourself there is a special clause like it shouldn't be as bad. I would tell anyone else to cut themselves some slack but I don't follow my own words!

[Tuckervill]

Ama, I'm so sorry about your loss. I know how you loved her from the way you wrote about her, here. She's living on in the influence she had on you, and you will always have her memories.

Give yourself some time to come to terms with what's going on. The bike will be sitting there waiting.

Karen

[ASammy1]

Hi ((((Amanda)))),

First of all, I want to say I'm sorry for you and your family's loss... It's never easy to lose a loved one...

I know exactly what you mean about life's curveballs... I lost my job 2 weeks ago. I loved my job and was very content to stay for a long while. I've never said that about a job before, so it felt like a shot to the gut when I found out I was being laid off...

So basically I'm going through the same thing, just for a different reason. It's been miserably hot here too- in the 90s but w/ humidity, so I understand how you feel about not wanting to ride your bikes...

We will get through it... There's lots of good advice already shared on this thread and I really don't have much to add, but I wanted you to know that you are not the only one feeling this way. :o

[indigoiis]

I am sorry for your loss. Alzheimer's stinks. My Dad is stage 3 and my FIL died with Alzheimer's.

I want you to repeat after me:

"I give myself permission to take time off the bikes, to rest, to recover, and to meditate and grieve and think of all of the things my nan taught me."

[arielmoon]

((((Hugs))))

So sorry for your loss. Allow yourself time to grieve, you deserve it!

[Selkie]

Norsegoddess---So sorry to hear about your dad.

[Mr. Bloom]

AA: I'm so sorry for your loss and how you're feeling. Five stages of grief: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance...allow yourself this normal grieving...


I don't feel like riding but I also feel guilty for not riding. (

...but please don't beat yourself up - riding should be an enjoyable outlet, not a guilt inducing obligation. But, if do force yourself to get on the bike - even for a 10 minute ride - you might find that you will "feel" like doing it again.

[firenze11]

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. I can relate completely. I just lost my grandmother in July while I was finishing and handing in my final paper for my MA. Just as I was getting into bed, just right now, before I read this post, I was thinking about how I felt ok but I felt like something was missing. I think, for me, I haven't really been able to deal with her loss.

I didn't really want to do much after my gramma died but I used all of the things I had to do to keep me going. I'm training for the Toronto breast cancer walk and I absolutely had to get the training in. I didn't want to but once I was out there that time gave me some clarity and peace. Like Mr. Silver said, maybe if you got on for a bit, you might feel like doing it again.

Be kind to yourself, grief is a strange response. It's so individual and doesn't really follow rules--let yourself grieve your way. I hope you can find some peace and eventually feel like riding again.