Grad School Anxiety

[firenze11]

Hi everyone!

It has been months since I've been on here and able to keep up with cycling. I've tried to pop in every once and awhile to keep up with everything and everyone but I've been insanely busy. I've really really missed TE. I've been away at grad school since August and I can't tell you how much I've missed my bike and the outdoors, too. I had to leave them at home when I moved here for the year.

Anyway, I know a few of you TE women have been through grad school and have offered great advice in the past and I've been going through some very tough weeks so I thought I'd drop by and ask about my situation.

I'm in a non-thesis program which means I have to write a 30-50 page paper that is due July 20. I've written a draft and revised it a couple of times now but I'm feeling completely freaked out. I've been thrown off track a couple of time this month and I think that's part of the reason why I feel like I'm losing it. My Mom's best friend died after a 10 year battle with breast cancer. She was very very close to our family so I had to attend the funeral which hit me really hard. The day I landed at home for the visitation, my Grandmother was rushed to emergency surgery and has been in the critical care ward, the day I left my Uncle went into emerg. for chest pains. They're both doing ok now.

My supervisor is also very very busy and hasn't really offered much advice, he tends to be out of the country a lot. I sent him my outline (which was basically a first draft in outline form) and he gave some feedback but I haven't been able to send him a draft and I'm getting afraid it will be too late at this point.

So basically I feel completely overwhelmed. I'm at the point where all I want to do is pass but I've somehow convinced myself I'm going to fail even though I have a 3.85 GPA right now. I guess my question is, is this normal?
Does everyone feel like they're going to completely choke and fail at the end?

I just want this year to be over so I can go ride my bike again and join the real world! Thanks for any advice. I truly can't wait until I have time to ride and come on here more. (Have I said that already? ;))

[Crankin]

Are there other professors or students in your program who can read your work for feedback? I generally have other students read my work (it's actually required in a lot of my courses) for both content and format.
That said, I would trust your judgement of your own work. You have been successful so far, so I am sure you are on track! Yes, having the outside stress in your personal life may have added your stress about the paper, but since you have been successful in getting your first draft done, you will be able to do it.
If your advisor can't help you, find someone else to give you feedback. You are almost done... hang in there and then go ride your bike!

[firenze11]

Are there other professors or students in your program who can read your work for feedback? I generally have other students read my work (it's actually required in a lot of my courses) for both content and format.
That said, I would trust your judgement of your own work. You have been successful so far, so I am sure you are on track! Yes, having the outside stress in your personal life may have added your stress about the paper, but since you have been successful in getting your first draft done, you will be able to do it.
If your advisor can't help you, find someone else to give you feedback. You are almost done... hang in there and then go ride your bike!

I am going to send it to my professor anyway, I am just worried he is going to be too busy to look at it and then send me feedback about it needing major revisions at the last minute. Which will send me over the edge.

I would send it to a classmate but I don't really know of anyone. The problem with my program, history, is that it is very solitary, especially at this school. The department does nothing to try and build solidarity for grad students. It's basically every man/woman for him/herself. It's ridiculous considering both of my roommates have had incredible support from their profs and departments.

Thanks for the advice.

[TsPoet]

Hi everyone!


So basically I feel completely overwhelmed. I'm at the point where all I want to do is pass but I've somehow convinced myself I'm going to fail even though I have a 3.85 GPA right now. I guess my question is, is this normal?
Does everyone feel like they're going to completely choke and fail at the end?

I just want this year to be over so I can go ride my bike again and join the real world! Thanks for any advice. I truly can't wait until I have time to ride and come on here more. (Have I said that already? ;))

Yes!
OMGosh, I remember the last 3 months of grad school and I get cold sweats. I had to defend my thesis - a 3 hr "meeting" with 4 professors, including my adviser, where they just asked me questions. After the meeting, the student is asked to stand in the hall while they discuss your performance over the past x years to get here, your work, etc, and decide if you've passed or not.
I didn't even know I was doing it, but apparently I stood in the hall and cried. My adviser came out, looked at me quizzically and asked "you passed?".
That confused me until he finished with "you can stop crying now?" and I realized his questioning came from not quite knowing what to do with a crying student, that his statements were statement, not questions.
My tears weren't even fear or disappointment, it was just all that stress came to a head while standing there.
It sounds like you are on the right track and in the home stretch. My best advice to you is to go for a bike ride! Or to yoga, or something where you can get some air and breath.
I'm not even going to tell you good luck, you don't need it, you'll do fine.

[WindingRoad]

As someone who's about to walk that same path, the grad school nightmare, I feel your pain. Many of my friends have already went through grad school or are going through it currently and the anxiety is very normal. I expect I will have a total meltdown at some point too. Don't be too hard on yourself, grad school is designed to test your limits not necessarily how academically bright you are. They intentionally stress grad students to make sure we can hack it in the real world. If you have a 3.85 then you are apparently dealing with it better than you realize. Maybe consider getting a bike to ride to de-stress occasionally. Hang in there it will get better I'm told.;)

[tulip]

What everyone else said, PLUS...if you are really having a hard time, there's no shame in taking more time to finish the paper. I took an extra three months to finish one of mine. I graduated in August instead of May, but who cares? Just don't put it off indefinitely. Best of luck to you!

[firenze11]

Thank you so much. I'm glad this is normal and I'm not crazy, even if I feel like it.

WindingRoad You're right about grad school not necessarily being about how bright you are. I think it's much more about perseverance and stamina than all out intelligence.

TSpoet I can definitely see myself doing something like that. Luckily I'm in a non-thesis program so I don't have to defend, but I've had a couple of days in the past two weeks where I burst into tears and I couldn't figure out if it was school stress or personal stress (or all of it mixed together)

Syndirelah Thanks. I think you're right about not getting emotional about school work. I'll just continue plugging away at it, one step at a time, I guess I'm closer to the end everyday.

Tulip This is actually my second go at this MA, so I have kind of delayed the process already. I originally came here right after undergrad and got sick. I was having horrible headaches and I tried to work through them but got some weird tests back from the doctor and had to wait 6 months for an MRI of my brain--the stress of worrying about what was wrong plus doing school was too much for me so I quit after first semester and came back a year later. I'm ok now, I was just having really frequent migraines but it was scary at the time.

I'm at the point where I don't want to take any more time and delay it longer which is probably another pressure I've added on myself. You're right though, there's no shame in delaying or taking more time to finish it.

I'm going to do a read through of my conclusion and send it off to my prof now. Do they give profs classes in how the strike the fear of God into their students? :confused::)

Thanks again, hearing everyone's experiences and advice is really really helping me.

[tulip]

Another thing, and it may not apply at all, but in both of my programs we had an adviser, but also a committee, so it just wasn't up to one person to guide us. I take it this is not the case with you, which is a shame. Any chance you can either get a backup/assistant adviser?

And remember, IT DOES NOT HAVE TO BE PERFECT. It only has to be good enough. 10 years out from my Masters thesi (Type A--I did 2 simultaneously but I've chilled out considerably since then), NO ONE CARES about it. Not me, not my job (none of my jobs I've had in the past 10 years), and certainly not my advisers!

[msincredible]

WindingRoad You're right about grad school not necessarily being about how bright you are. I think it's much more about perseverance and stamina than all out intelligence.

I would have called it stubbornness, that's what kept me going. ;)


I'm going to do a read through of my conclusion and send it off to my prof now. Do they give profs classes in how the strike the fear of God into their students? :confused::)

No, but they don't usually give them classes on how to be a good teacher, mentor, and/or communicator. :rolleyes:

[Crankin]

You are so right about the teaching. I spent 2 hours a couple of weeks ago, teaching my Psychopathology professor about how to use rubrics to grade group presentations and how to write a clear syllabus. I had given him some feedback on a letter he asked us to write and I prefaced my comments with the statement that I couldn't help myself, because as a former teacher i am very attuned to the teaching-learning process.
Now, the school I go to is very progressive, and it is mostly known for its school of education. Professors in the grad school of arts and social sciences have access to some of the finest educational theory around. And we are next door to the Harvard school of ed... So, there is no excuse in my eyes for poor teaching. Teaching skills can be taught and developed, but since everyone has gone to school, they think that they know how to teach. I should have felt honored this guy asked me to help him, but it kind of made me angry. he has been an adjunct and full time time prof at this university for 20 years and he is a practicing psychologist.
I am glad the program I am in is somewhat untraditional in that it is all writing, research, reading, and presentations. We work together all of the time. Most of the teaching is good, but I will still criticize if I feel the need.
I find my training in teaching and mentoring new teachers is very valuable in my new field of counseling...

[Ana]

You are all making me reconsider graduate school



No, not really :p

But I am disheartened to discover that this feeling is "normal" :( It just seems like it shouldn't have to be that way :(

[firenze11]

You are all making me reconsider graduate school

No, not really :p

But I am disheartened to discover that this feeling is "normal" :( It just seems like it shouldn't have to be that way :(

Grad school is definitely different than undergrad. I'd just recommend going in expecting it to be hard and to be different. If you're passionate about what you're studying or it is helping you excel in your goals you'll be fine.

So, I have some horrible news. My Gramma passed away last night. I feel like whatever bit of stability I had has been ripped out from under me.

I'm not sure what is going to happen now. I really can't/don't want to extend. I have to leave my apt. by the 30th, then I have a vacation in August and I start work right after. I never planned for a series of tragedies to ruin the very last weeks of my MA.

I would never say this to my prof but I'm at the point where I just want out. I just want to pass, get me degree, and move on. The years attached to this MA process have been the hardest I've ever been through, between a serious health scare for me and now losing two very important people in my life.

At the same time, I'm angry because I feel like I've been sabotaged or something. I came back to school, I worked so hard to earn an 3.85, and now I know I'm going to lose it because of things affecting me outside of my control. And then I feel angry at myself for thinking something so selfish right now.

Thanks for listening.

[tulip]

So sorry about your Grandmother, firenze. My grandmother died at a difficult time for me (I was going through a divorce, moving, changing jobs). Now, whenever I hear a wood thrush, I think of her, so it's like she's still around in a way.

It sounds like you are almost done with your paper, so just finish it up and get out of there. The world is not sabotaging you; stuff happens is all. You can't control the stuff that happens, but you can control how you react to it.

And it's great that you earned a 3.85, but after your degree, no one is going to ask about your GPA. Not to sound insensitive, but it really doesn't matter. What matters at this point is getting that diploma and moving on.

[TsPoet]

You are all making me reconsider graduate school



No, not really :p

But I am disheartened to discover that this feeling is "normal" :( It just seems like it shouldn't have to be that way :(

I'm not so sure that 50% of these feelings are self-imposed. Those of us who chose this way have a worry/mentality about it and stress ourselves out a lot. The other 50% is the why its designed to be.
I loved graduate school - up until the last 6 months or so. Worked my tail off, though.

[TsPoet]

G
So, I have some horrible news. My Gramma passed away last night. I feel like whatever bit of stability I had has been ripped out from under me.

I would never say this to my prof but I'm at the point where I just want out. I just want to pass, get me degree, and move on.

Thanks for listening.

I'm so sorry about your grandma.
You should talk to your prof if he/she is human, they might help you get through this. My prof wouldn't have - but I would have gone to the Dean of the Dept and talked to him instead. Find some one to talk to. You prof might actually appreciate you thoughts - when I read "want out" I thought leave and run without passing - but the second part is just right - if you feel that way, then make it happen, pass, get the degree, and move on. Your prof's job is to help you.

[Flybye]

I started my masters program in counseling in August. I am a 37 year old mother of 3. I went from being a stay at home mom for 11 years to a full time college student.
In my undergrad, I graduated with a 3.76. I am not saying this to brag, but to point out that most people who pursue a masters degree are pretty driven and like the challenge of a good grade.
Upon entering the program, I had assumed that it would be work, but not much different from undergrad work. Generally speaking when someone tells me something is hard before I experience it, I come out the other end thinking "that really wasn't that bad." I entered grad school with that mindset. WAS I EVER WRONG ........ I completely understand your sentiments when you say that it it a lot of work. I do not think that the work itself is that difficult to understand and grasp, but the AMOUNT of work expected in horrifying, to put it nicely.
In the midst of grad school, when I felt like I could barely breathe, had given up cycling, put on some weight, was experiencing big time guilt for taking so much time away from my family, and was exhausted, my daughter became sick and was up most of the night for about 4 weeks. The work at school didn't stop, and I persevered. She ended up needing her gallbladder removed. I was exhausted in every sense of the word.
Now that I have had a chance to regain my sleep, reorganize my life, bike a bit, loose a few pounds, and hug on my kids, I think I might have to change some priorities.
Changes that I am considering are going to a longer schedule. I have come to far to give up now and one more semester means swallowing my pride, but for my family I would gladly.
I am FINE getting lower grades now, even though I started out wanting a 4.0. So not important if I have to sell my soul to get it, if you know what I mean.
Next year I anticipate someone in my family dying. I have a two very elderly, sick grandmothers and one grandfather. My husbands aunt is not doing well either. It breaks my heart to think that you lost your grandmother in the midst of all that you have challenging you right now.
From a counselors perspective, the last thing that you should burden yourself with right now are the decisions about grad school and its challenges. Your defense is due July 20th, I wonder if the profs will give you some grace?? It doesn't sound like you have much wiggle room though. Lowering you expectations might help some - you have a great GPA - your defense more than likely reflects that.
{{{{HUG}}}}}}

[msincredible]

Sorry to hear the bad news, firenze.

Hang in there, I agree with the suggestion to talk to your prof about it, it can't hurt.

[firenze11]

Thanks Misincredible. I've emailed my prof a few times and he was very kind about my situation. I also emailed the department and they basically said I could extend if I wanted to, but I can't figure out how to fit it into my life, and like I said I'm at the point where I just need to be done.

I know right now I'm definitely in the shock/disbelief stage. Yesterday and today (so far) I've felt completely numb. I know this is natural but it is unsettling. I was thinking about my Gramma and got this really strong urge to call her and ask a question. It was bizarre, I knew she was gone but for a second I had to figure out that she was really gone forever.

I know that it is only going to get harder, so I'm trying to get everything done while I can. I hope that doesn't sound weird. At my Mom's best friend's funeral the minister came up to us afterward and said this is when the real grieving starts. I didn't really know what she meant, but I think I do now.

I really identified with everything you said Flybye, even though I'm not married and don't have kids. I think it's amazing that you've gone back to school and are figuring out how to balance everything. It is really hard, grad school is not really set up for a great work/life balance. I don't see anything wrong with taking more time to give yourself more time for family and the things the help you feel balanced. Actually, I think it's the smartest thing you could do. Also, I'm so sorry to hear that you are expecting a loss in your family.

I really appreciate your perspective as both a grad student and a counselor. I am at the point where I am ok with not being perfect and not getting a great grade on this paper. Which was hard for me. I want to pass it and I want to get my degree. I will still be incredibly proud of myself, if not more so for having been through all of this. A degree is a degree. I would just like to get it and be with my family and take time to grieve and heal.

I'm sorry this is so long. I know some people on the forum don't like advice threads too much. But I have to say you all have really, truly helped me. Sometimes it takes outsider perspectives so see things from a different angle. My friends and family are great supports but the women of TE are so diverse and I knew some of you had been/are currently in grad school that I wanted to hear your .02, too. So thank you!

[Possegal]

It's been many years since I got my degree, but this thread brings back so many feelings (few of them good) :). It really is a tough time (hey, if it were easy, everyone would do it!). Hang in there, know that you aren't alone, and know that 'this too shall pass'.

When I taught some nursing grad students, one of the things I had to do frequently was remind them that although they were all 4.0 students as undergrads, odds of that happening in grad school were slim. Now they had jobs and families and life getting in the way. A 3.0 wasn't that bad a thing. Plus, I can say that at no point in time once I had that degree, has anyone asked me what my GPA was. Sure, it was hard to let go of the desire to have a 4.0. But once I let that go, it was liberating. And I got my degree and went on to a nice career, with no one thinking I was less a person because I didn't have a 4.0.

So sorry about your grandmother. That is just one more thing you didn't need right now. I lost someone very close to me about 9 months before I finished. It was tough, but I knew that she was so proud of me the day they put that hood over my shoulders. :) Your grandmother will still be so very proud of you. And that wanting to call thing - yay, that kinda never really goes away. My mum's been gone 10 yrs now, and I STILL reach for the phone to call her. Less now than the first few years, but I do still do it.

Good luck. I do hope it helped you some to hear so many of us say - oh yeah, been there, done that. :)

The day I defended my degree, called my mother to tell her. She told me, and I quote "I'm going to call your siblings and tell them. Then I'm going to bed, because this has been the longest 5 years of my life." See, it's even a very tough time on some Mum's out there. :)