Desperate for my Mother's Health

[polly4711]

Hello All,

This thread is for my mom... she has had Multiple Sclerosis for over 25 years now. She is still walking with a cane, but it's not very far or long. In grocery stores and ones like it, she uses that little electric wheel chair thing that they provided. She has been strong (survived breast and thyroid cancer in the past 5 years) and has never let anything get her down.

Her pain has become so unmanagable. She goes to a pain specialists... she is on the highest level of methadone and opium that you can be on. Simple things like taking a bath have become a big deal to do any of them. She hasn't slept anywhere near a full hour in month due to this pain.

I am coming home tomorrow and have called my mom multiple times a day to do the count down. She has admitted to me that her health (since April) has dropped drastically, and I can hear it on the phone.

I just got of the phone with her to make sure that she knew my plane info and she was bawling because of it. She wanted to get off the phone because it was too hard to hold.

I'm scared. There's nothing that I can do except be an emotional support... but that's killing me. I'm an only child who lives half way across the country. I'm terrified and I don't know what to do.

Please send your prayers/good vibes, whatever you can do to help.

[BleeckerSt_Girl]

Oh, I feel for you. I know how awful and heartbreaking it is to watch your mother fail and suffer, and your situation is particularly difficult.

May you find the inner strength enough to share some of it with your mother.
The best thing you can do is tell her how much you love her and how much she has meant to you and inspired you. Tell her repeatedly, no matter how it might make you both cry, this is your time to let her know.

I will send steadying vibes your way.


One idea- maybe you can set up a simple to use speaker phone for her while you are there, so she can talk to you without having to hold the phone up all the time. Holding the phone up to her head was painful for my mother as well during a portion of her failing health. Perhaps do a search for phones geared towards seniors?

[Mr. Bloom]

polly - I'm so sorry. Last year, I had to face my dad's mortality...and it was tough.

You need to be truthful with yourself about how you feel. Counseling can help. But, in this visit, you have the chance to say everything you wanted to say...while her situation is manageable.

Is it time to consider moving her closer to you? We did that a few years ago with my parents, and being an only child, it really enhanced the value of the remaining time we had and our ability to deal with my dad's decline and my mom's alcoholism.

[tulip]

Polly, I can't add to what Lisa and Mr. Silver have said. Take care, and I'll be thinking of you and your mom.

[shootingstar]

I'm sorry to hear of this latest about your mother, polly. Be there as much as you can with her. Do you have courses or a job lined up for this summer already?

If not, to live in her hometown and find summer job there. Life is highly precious..

[AnnieBikes]

Polly, if your mom is going downhill so fast, it would be really helpful, and very supportive for both you and your mom to get hooked up with Hospice. Many people wait until a person is desperate to call them, but they have so much in the way of helpful expertise to offer someone in your and your mom's situation. I am sure it is really difficult to live so far away, but there are options that they could help you with. In our area, one can self refer to Hospice but the best thing is to get a referral from her physician.

It is very hard to think about the end but Hospice is comfort care for patients AND their families and they will really help to explore all the options that your mom can have. I am thinking of you and hope that things are going a bit better. You have a very difficult situation and I will keep you in my prayers.

[mtbdarby]

Polly - my heart goes out to you and your mom. You've gotten some good advise here. You and your family are in my prayers.

[OakLeaf]

(((((((Polly & mom)))))))

Keeping you both in my prayers.

[solobiker]

I am so sorry you are going through this. I would never wish it upon anyone. I work in health care so I see what both you and your Mom are going through on a daily basis. I am sure it is times harder being so far away too. Hang in there and talk with you Mom when you visit her. As Mr Silver stated, maybe counseling or a support group would help. All my positive energy heading your and your Mom's way.

[PamNY]

All my best to both of you. I'm an only child, too, and my mom lived 1,000 miles away. What you are dealing with is so hard. I wish I had words of wisdom, but I don't -- only empathy. She knows you love her, and that's the most important thing.

Pam

[salsabike]

Ah, Polly. I'm sorry.

Just keep putting one foot in front of the other and trudge along. That's all any of us can do. I lost my mom two years ago, and she was 3000 miles away. This is hard stuff and you will get through it the best you can.

My total sympathy and best wishes to you and your mom.

[Grog]

My thoughts are turned toward you and your mother. I cannot imagine going through this. This won't be easy but at least if you can make sure you tell your mother how much you love her it will be meaningful.

[crazycanuck]

Polly, I hope you can spend as much precious time with your mom over the next few days. Take care.

((( Polly)))

[bmccasland]

Polly,
So sorry. Facing the mortality of our parents is one of the harder things in life. :(

Have you contacted the MS office for your area, or your Mom's area? I ride for MS, so I get the magazine and various publications, which honestly I don't pay a whole bunch of attention to as I don't, personally, know anyone that needs the information. But our bike funds do go to support services for folks with MS.

[NoNo]

That's my biggest fear. My brother was diagnosed with MS 12 years ago, and so far has been without problem. But I worry that it will change one day. There's just so much uncertainty with that disease, it's hard not knowing a certain timeline for progression. I know it's hard, but the best thing you can do is be strong for her. My brother and I are riding our first century Sunday for the MS Society, I'll be sure to keep your mom in mind. Maybe she'll get me through those last few miles.

[polly4711]

Maybe she'll get me through those last few miles.


That's what got me through the MS 150... and most days when I feel "whiny."

Thank you all for your support... I go home today (I arrive at 4pm EST) and am very excited to see her. Internet availability is sparse, so I'll be gone for a week from the forum.... I will be keeping you and your adivse all with me in my heart. :o