Thoughts on saying goodbye to pets

[nancielle]

The thread about Maggie Bear's passing got me to wondering if people have done something special when they've had to say goodbye to a fur (feathered/scaled)baby. A client recently had to put down her dog who had been quite ill for a while. She had him cremated and now wears his ashes in a special locket.

I am a follower of "Dog Town" (Best Friends Sanctuary in Utah) on the National Geographic Channel. I saw one of their ceremonies for a dog (a Chow Chow which made me hug Chloe that much tighter) that had to be put to sleep and thought it was really a very touching ceremony. I especially loved that there are wind chimes placed in Angels Rest and the individual who was performing the burial noted that they believe when you hear the chimes it is the animal's way of letting us know that they are ok.

Here's their description:
"Some folks may think it odd to wax poetic about a pet cemetery. But Angels Rest is not about dying. Rather, it is an affirmation of life.

Visitors here experience a deep calm. The chaos of the outside world seems to melt away as gentle breezes start a serenade of wind chimes.

The entrance gate depicts a dog and cat with rabbits perched on their backs, surrounded by flowers in bloom. Colorful rocks form walls that hold urns, vases, and memorials. Stones and markers proclaim, "Always in our hearts," "The best wee cat in the whole wide world," and other loving sentiments.

Animal statues dot the landscape - a napping cat, a smiling sheepdog, an elegant owl, and many others all keep watch over the pets who slumber in eternity.

'Play amongst the angels ’til we’re all together again.' "


http://www.bestfriends.org/images/793_tour_image8.jpg


http://network.bestfriends.org/data/news/9792240801151133.jpg


Over the winter the tenant who lives downstairs from me had commented on finding cats in the basement periodically. Apparently there is an opening somewhere under the house which is just enough to allow them to enter. We chalked it up to them wanting some warm respite since the furnaces for all of the apartments are there. On Easter morning he stopped me to let me know that he had gone downstairs to make sure all of the furnaces had water in them and found one of the cats dead :( . He was concerned, since Hunter can be a bit of a Houdini-cat with regard to letting himself out of the apartment, if the unknown cat had died from parvo, would Hunter be at risk (he's vaccinated and doing just fine.) Anyway, the tenat brought the cat out and buried him where the lilacs will bloom. I've placed a small wind chime in the lilac bush and periodically hear the quiet, delicate sound. The sad thing is, besides the cat dying alone in a strange basement, that nobody has been looking for him. :(

Be at peace wandering cat.

[tctrek]

I think some people keep their ailing or aged pets alive too long. They are thinking of how painful it will be to lose their beloved pet, but maybe not thinking that the pet does not have a good quality of life and it's best to let them go. We recently had one of our cats get some sort of liver disease and she was fading slowly but surely... losing weight and listless. My DH spoon fed her baby food and yogurt and even squirted syringes of water into her mouth. He asked me one night "Why am I doing this?" It broke my heart to tell him that he was keeping her alive because he loved her so much he could not let her go. The next day, we took her to the vets together to put her to sleep.

I sent him to this site for a little comfort: http://www.petloss.com/poems/maingrp/rainbowb.htm

I think we need to do what we have to do to get over our grief of losing a pet, but I don't think we should keep them alive when their quality of life is gone. The ultimate love is to let them go and have peace.

[Aggie_Ama]

TcTrek- Very good point. Losing Maggie was awful but the weekend before when she stopped eating more than a couple bites and then that Monday she started walking funny I knew. I held her close and it was as though she was thanking me for the love and asking for a final act of love. She had not begun to suffer according to the vet but she was starting to feel very sick and it would only be days or maybe hours before she couldn't walk on her own. My own Pawpaw spoon fed his dog for weeks which was horrific for me to see. DH was in denial that she was saying goodbye until our vet and his friend (a vet) said she needed to be ushered on.

I have already said we are planting a tree for her and bluebonnets. But DH wants to put the ashes in an urn which I believe will stay on the top shelf of our china cabinet (no plates stored on the shelf). We don't have a mantle but I have known people to place ashes on their mantles or scatter them in a favorite park. My in-laws have a small area of their backyard they bury them in and pray at the time. Nothing else.

[Tuckervill]

When it became apparent that our 20-year-old Jack Russell Terrier was fading, I used her last lucid hours to take her around to visit all the people she had known and who knew her. She rode on a pillow in my youngest son's lap, and she looked like she was having a good time, as long as she was with us. I took her to my son's house and he said goodbye, and my Dad's house. While he was saying goodbye, my eldest son happened to call, and though he was far away we got to share some moments together focused on her. She had a tail wag and a lick for everyone who saw her.

Then I dropped off my son at home, and took her to the vet. Thankfully, there was no one else there waiting at that time (they do walk-in only), so we had a nice, quiet moment with her as her life ended.

Everything I did was for the people who were living beyond her time here--not just for her. I wrote an email to our friends, with some pictures and some stories. That was enough. I would never think of keeping her ashes or burying her. I think the physical body should return to the place from which it came, back into the energy stream. But everyone should do what helps them best cope with the loss.

Karen

[PamNY]

I make a memorial donation to an animal group.

I love "Dogtown." I met several of those people when volunteered with IBest Friends after Katrina, and they really are that good.

Pam

[BleeckerSt_Girl]

I'm going through this right now with my kitty Lydia. We are so sad and don't think she'll make it through the weekend. It's just getting to the point where 'the decision' needs to be made, but my vet is out of town til Monday. It's always so hard.

[OakLeaf]

(((((Lisa & kitty))))) I'm so sorry.



We scattered each of our dogs' ashes at a park where they'd loved to walk. Each time DH and I and my first husband, their "dad," went to the ridge, scattered their ashes, shared some memories, and cast with their ashes one or two small (biodegradable) things that they'd enjoyed. My ex and his new wife and their dogs visit that park often. For myself and DH, it's more difficult to go there, but we can always feel the dogs' spirits when we do.

Only one of them made the decision easy for us. One did an awful premature death; one woke up one morning and almost literally told me "Mom, I'm tired of fighting;" the other two declined so slowly that it was difficult to say "this is the day." They never gave us a clear sign. We just had to make a judgment call on when the fun times they were still having, were outweighed by the bad times. :(

[badger]

what strange timing. I was just youtubing and came across the woman who dances with her dog (youtube "Carolyn Scott and Rookie"). I dug around some more and found that he had to be put down last July and was bawling thinking about the anguish I felt and still feel about doing the same for my dog.

When Chevy died last October, I wanted to remember him by planting a tree on top of his ashes, like oak or maple so he becomes part of a big, sheltering tree for other animals and be inviting for children to climb because he loved people so much.

But I couldn't find a public enough spot that wouldn't be intrusive or odd, and before long it was too cold to do something so he still remains in his urn on my bookshelf.

I still want to do something like that, so I'm scouting for possible locations.

As for stalling putting an animal down, I know in hindsight Chevy was suffering for about 2 months too long, but I could NEVER have made that appointment with the vet. In the end I had no choice, but I don't think I could have scheduled his passing.

[spindizzy]

Serendipity..our cat just died suddenly 2 hours ago. I was getting ready to go out (to get him food). I was in the kitchen, heard a thud. Thought it was Nugget throwing himself against the window to scare the squirrels and birds. I went to see him - he wasn't where I thought he was. I found him on his side at the bottom of our stairs, I patted him while thinking what to do - he coughed twice then died.

Nugget and my daughter adored each other..She was at a soccer game with DH when it happened. We are devastated as we had to put our Golden down 1 1/2 years ago. The kids wanted cremation and we still scatter his ashes in places he loved. We will let DD decide what to do with Nugget. For now, we're just hugging each other and crying...

[Biciclista]

Serendipity..our cat just died suddenly 2 hours ago. I was getting ready to go out (to get him food). I was in the kitchen, heard a thud. Thought it was Nugget throwing himself against the window to scare the squirrels and birds. I went to see him - he wasn't where I thought he was. I found him on his side at the bottom of our stairs, I patted him while thinking what to do - he coughed twice then died.

Nugget and my daughter adored each other..She was at a soccer game with DH when it happened. We are devastated as we had to put our Golden down 1 1/2 years ago. The kids wanted cremation and we still scatter his ashes in places he loved. We will let DD decide what to do with Nugget. For now, we're just hugging each other and crying...
how strange! had he been ill?
I'm so sorry to hear this.

[Tuckervill]

I'm sorry about little Nugget.

Karen

[BleeckerSt_Girl]

Serendipity..our cat just died suddenly 2 hours ago. I was getting ready to go out (to get him food). I was in the kitchen, heard a thud. Thought it was Nugget throwing himself against the window to scare the squirrels and birds. I went to see him - he wasn't where I thought he was. I found him on his side at the bottom of our stairs, I patted him while thinking what to do - he coughed twice then died.

Nugget and my daughter adored each other..She was at a soccer game with DH when it happened. We are devastated as we had to put our Golden down 1 1/2 years ago. The kids wanted cremation and we still scatter his ashes in places he loved. We will let DD decide what to do with Nugget. For now, we're just hugging each other and crying...

Oh, I'm so sorry!- how awful. Was he old? Hugs and sympathy to you and your family in this sad time. What a terrible shock that must have been.

[OakLeaf]

Oh ((((((spindizzy)))))) I'm so sorry. :(

[PamNY]

Oh dear, that must have been an awful shock. I'm so sorry to hear about your loss.

Pam

[Blueberry]

((((Lisa and Kitty))))

((((Spindizzy))))

It's strange - a friend of ours had a kitty suddenly pass away last night. Apparently she cried, and he tried to rush her to the vet - she passed away on the way:(

It's always so hard:(

[Selkie]

So sorry to hear about Nugget. It sounds as it Nugget passed quickly and thank goodness, you didn't have to be the one to make "the decision." We've had to do that twice and it's incredibly difficult.

For Agnes and Maud, we got them each an 'angel" (yard ornaments) for the front yard. Their ashes are next to our bed, along with their collars and a photo of them. On the living room mantel, we have pictures of them and a memorial candle.

When I die, my DH is going to mix my ashes w/Agnes' and toss us into the ocean together (Caribbean - in my will, he's instructed to take a vacation there to take care of this).

[sundial]

(((((Lisa))))))

(((((Spindizzy)))))

When I gently led Ana and Jodi Bell to the Bridge, I wrapped them in a soft blanket and buried them near the wild honesuckle and blackberry bushes. I planted a dogwood and every spring when it blooms, it gives me hope and a sense of renewal. I've always enjoyed nature's living tributes to our little family members. When Jodi was buried, a mockingbird rested on her grave for 3 days. I will always cherish that memory.

[ZenSojourner]

I've kind of been avoiding this thread because it hits too close to home, I guess.

I have an elderly dog who is probably not going to last out the year. According to the vet, she can't walk (she does) but she's definitely getting to the place where she can't walk anymore. She was run over as a puppy and her hindquarters are a mess, it's a long story that involves multiple incompetent vets over a 10 or 12 year period, but I've seen the x-rays and she SHOULDN'T be able to walk. I expect to lose her soon. She's 17.

Not exactly a pet, but my elderly father lives with me and the last year and a half has been a struggle with his health, and it looks like we're about to lose that struggle to a 3rd bout of lung cancer. I expect to lose him before the year is out as well. He's 89. It's been a bad year for him.

I feel for all of you who are about to or have already lost pets. You have my sympathy.

[tctrek]

When we are feeling our worst about losing anyone that we love, we have to cope somehow and keep going and do the right thing. The only way I've ever been able to do this is to fully believe that when my pet is in pain and not able to live the way they always have that they will be at peace when they pass away. I have to envision an end to their pain and suffering. If you approach it as the ultimate act of love, it is doable.

I don't know if this really applies to people, though. I don't think I believe in euthanizing people. With people, there is often a hope in a medical miracle. Our bodies can fight. With a pet, they are so small and veterinary medicine is nowhere near as advanced, that when they start to slide it's often impossible to bring them back.

[BleeckerSt_Girl]

I remember when I lost my sweet little pug dog Kinky, what I did was this-
there was a certain corner where her little doggie basket/bed always was. A few days after she died I gave the dog bed to the humane society (they really can use it!) but then that corner looked so sadly empty. :( I took a little red felt tip pen and made a tiny 1/4 inch red heart on the wall way down there where her basket had been. Funny, but it cheered me to see the tiny little heart on the wall in "Kinky's corner" whenever I passed it. It made that empty corner more positive and sweet, rather than so sad.

[spindizzy]

Thanks everyone- I've passed on your hugs to DD whom is devastated, but coping. She has decided to have him buried in the back yard, along with some ashes from our dog - they grew up together. We will plant something - that part hasn't been decided.

Nugget was in great health (or so we thought). He was prancing around my legs as I got out of the shower, "tormenting" his feather fur toy..I guess we can take solace that his death was sudden with no prolonged illness prior.

DH mentioned that this is the first time in 18 years we've been pet -less...

Bleecker - I love the little red heart.... makes my heart smile!

[nancielle]

Oh, I'm so sorry to hear about Nugget. How sad. :(

It's been interesting to read through the posts and see how everyone copes with the loss of their pets. I thought the little red heart was touching and I loved the lasting tributes of plantings.

Many years ago, in another job and before I was fortunate enough to have a pet friendly landlord, a coworker's cat died. She had found this cat abandoned and brought him home and the two were constant companions. She was devestated by his loss and called out from work. I can still hear the office manager calling her and telling her to grow up and get into work. What a snot.

Within the past eight months three colleagues have lost their pets. While Chloe is pretty healthy and relatively young (Hunter is healthy too but I have no clue how old he is) I hope that I'm able to make the right decisions for them when the time comes.

Thanks for the replies.

[Aggie_Ama]

Hugs to ((Lisa, Lydia & DH)). ((Spindizzy, Dizzy daughter and Nugget))

This is kind of comical to me.... My Nanny and Pawpaw had a cat "Damn Cat or DC" that both claimed to have not wanted but spoiled rotten. When DC was put to sleep (after suffering because it was a flaw of Pawpaw's) they kept the ashes in the china cabinet and argued over who could be buried with them. The agreement was whoever died first but then they would lovingly argue over whether the survivor would hold the bargain.:rolleyes: Pawpaw died in 2003 and Nanny let him have DC. But first she labeled the box "DC" so no one would open it, because you know so many people open boxes stuck in coffins. :D

I personally want to scatter or bury Maggie's ashes but DH is having trouble letting them go. We never even got them back with any pets in the past and I want to be cremated but made into an artificial reef which I saw on Discover Channel one night.

[OakLeaf]

I just remembered that our tradition of bringing something for our dogs to have in the afterlife, began because the one who died first had such strange tastes that we didn't know if they'd have what he wanted in dog heaven. :p

Xiao Shieung was such a picky eater, he wouldn't touch most treats or foods the other dogs loved, but whenever I made sushi he'd beg for nori. :eek: It was the only food he ever begged for. I was astounded the first time he did it. So at his funeral we tore up a small sheet of nori and cast it after his ashes. And also a little piece of fuzz to play with. He was so like a cat in his play.

[makbike]

I have seen many of my beloved buddies go to the Rainbow Bridge in the past years - it never gets any easier. My vet and her staff try to make it as peaceful as they can. I never leave their side and I talk to them throughout the procedure (a cold word I know). I tell them how much I love them, how much they mean to me and I always tell them to go in peace - which they do. When the time is right I write them a letter and I put it with their ashes. I look for signs that they are okay - Squire sent me a rainbow, Hondo a full moon, etc - silly I know but these things help make it easier for they mean so much to me and fill my life with such joy.

[cylegoddess]

My best buddy, Mr Bunny O fuzzy Boots Magoo( a combo of mine and husbands names) died last month.He had been very ill.
It was hard.
I did a pagan mass for him, after he died that night, when we buried him. My husband cried heaps. It was very moving. I think it helped.

[OakLeaf]

(((((((cylegoddess & DH)))))))

[BleeckerSt_Girl]

My best buddy, Mr Bunny O fuzzy Boots Magoo( a combo of mine and husbands names) died last month.He had been very ill.
It was hard.
I did a pagan mass for him, after he died that night, when we buried him. My husband cried heaps. It was very moving. I think it helped.



Oh, I'm so sorry. Was Boots a dog or bunny or cat?
What a great name. I named my beloved departed pug dog The Dutchess Kinky Ballou. It was a perfect name for her.
Mr Bunny O fuzzy Boots Magoo....too wonderful! Can you post a picture of them?

[invsblwmn]

When my best buddy, Brodie, died May 4th 2008, I had her cremated. My vet gave me a plaster cast of her paw print and I saved some of her hair in a baggie. I have it all in a special wooden box with some of the cards people sent to me. She and I will be scattered together in a place only my power of attorney will know in my will when I pass. Silly? :)

[Biciclista]

When my best buddy, Brodie, died May 4th 2008, I had her cremated. My vet gave me a plaster cast of her paw print and I saved some of her hair in a baggie. I have it all in a special wooden box with some of the cards people sent to me. She and I will be scattered together in a place only my power of attorney will know in my will when I pass. Silly? :)

Hi Invisiblewoman! I don't think it's silly at all. But I hope you have new pets come into your life. I would be too lonely without them!

[invsblwmn]

Hi Invisiblewoman! I don't think it's silly at all. But I hope you have new pets come into your life. I would be too lonely without them!

Bailey just moved in about 2 months ago(the black pei) and Bindie moved in in October 08. :)