Would you hold a wedding shower for yourself?

[PamNY]

A friend has been telling me about someone she works with. This person plans to marry, and she's giving her own shower. Purported reason is that the bridesmaids are fighting with each other, so it has to be this way.

My friend is appalled and considers it a generational difference motivated by greed (we're in our fifties, and the bride is 27). I'm not sure what to think. I've never heard of such a thing, but I'm not sure that greed is a new phenomenon, either.

This doesn't matter to me at all; I've never met the bride. I'm just curious about what others think. It's a second marriage, by the way; the bride's first husband died a few years ago.

Pam

[uforgot]

I think it's tacky. You are asking your friends and family for gifts. Actually, I don't even like it when family gives showers, unless it's a family shower. What you are saying is " We want you to buy a gift for our sister/mother/brother..." you get the picture. I'll put this right up there with invitations that say "Cash gifts only".

I decided to google this:

This is from allaboutshowers.com

Can a family member throw a bridal shower?
A: No, that would seem self-serving. A friend or distant relative may throw a bridal shower. Normally, the bridesmaids throw one shower, but it is not mandatory.

No question about throwing one for yourself being self-serving.

[Tuckervill]

Probably because no one's ever done it, til now!

No stinkin' way would I attend that shower, and if I were close enough to the "bride" to feel guilty that I didn't go, I'd be close enough to her to tell her how tacky it is.

Karen

[ny biker]

Ask Miss Manners and she'll tell you that this is wrong. The hostess of the shower should be a friend. It is even wrong for the hostess to be a family member.

And if it's a second wedding, then there is no need for a shower because the bride is not leaving her parents' home and establishing her own household for the first time.

[Fujichants]

Silly question, is there a difference between a wedding shower and a bridal shower?

My friend is hosting her own bridal shower. I'm one of the bridesmaids, but before we could plan anything, she told us she already planned it.

She even has two registries for her bridal shower...at Williams Sonoma and Tiffany's. The cheapest thing on there is $200. What on earth? Is it normal to have a registry for a bridal shower?

I'm not looking forward to it at all.

[Flybye]

I don't really care what Miss Manners has to say - who left her in charge anyhow?
I think that the bride deserves a celebration even if it is her 10th wedding. I think that gifts can be tailored to brides who already have an established home. I think that I would like nothing more than to be invited to a friend's home and celebrate a new chapter with her - what a privilege - and to me it doesn't matter WHO is hosting the party. I say good for her; her friends are being catty and fighting, so she makes lemonaid out of lemons.
Now, as for gift registries and expensive gifts - that might flavor my opinion in a different direction. I guess even if the bride wanted expensive gifts and/or was a greedy individual, I would still celebrate with her - but by bringing a gift that is dictated by MY budget and not HER tastes.
Bottom line is that the party isn't for me. Who cares what I think about who started the party. Who cares if the bride is greedy? The party isn't for me so I don't get a say! I go, I have fun, and I hope for a blessed marriage. (And I wouldn't hesitate to put my address on an envelope to make the thank-you process easier for the bride either - but that would be another subject for another thread.)

[Trek420]

(And I wouldn't hesitate to put my address on an envelope to make the thank-you process easier for the bride either - but that would be another subject for another thread.)

I don't know nothing about weddings, it's a whole 'nother world and this is a cycling discussion group but I'm just sayin' if the bride/whoever organizes this event knows the person well enough to invite them to a wedding, shower or "c'mon over I'll feed you or let's make this a potluck you just bring a dish to share and expensive gifts for me fest" .... shouldn't the bride/whomever know their address?

What's next? STM invite and thank you? ;) :rolleyes: :p

[Irulan]

My friend is appalled and considers it a generational difference motivated by greed

I don't think necessarily that it's completely generational, but greedy, yes.

[ny biker]

I don't really care what Miss Manners has to say - who left her in charge anyhow?
I think that the bride deserves a celebration even if it is her 10th wedding. I think that gifts can be tailored to brides who already have an established home. I think that I would like nothing more than to be invited to a friend's home and celebrate a new chapter with her - what a privilege - and to me it doesn't matter WHO is hosting the party. I say good for her; her friends are being catty and fighting, so she makes lemonaid out of lemons.
Now, as for gift registries and expensive gifts - that might flavor my opinion in a different direction. I guess even if the bride wanted expensive gifts and/or was a greedy individual, I would still celebrate with her - but by bringing a gift that is dictated by MY budget and not HER tastes.
Bottom line is that the party isn't for me. Who cares what I think about who started the party. Who cares if the bride is greedy? The party isn't for me so I don't get a say! I go, I have fun, and I hope for a blessed marriage. (And I wouldn't hesitate to put my address on an envelope to make the thank-you process easier for the bride either - but that would be another subject for another thread.)


The wedding is the celebration for the bride and groom. Not the shower.

If the bride wants to invite friends to celebrate in her home, then fine, throw a regular party. But don't host an event that exists for no other reason than to shower yourself with gifts.

[teigyr]

Is she asking for gifts?

I always tend to not follow tradition either by choice or circumstance. When I married DH, we had a fairly large wedding (by our terms it was large) but requested no gifts. It wasn't a first wedding for either of us and we wanted people there to celebrate (neither of us had a "real" wedding before) but we didn't want to ask anything of them except just to be there.

Maybe this bride wants a shower? It's not my type of thing but I can see the attraction. Maybe she wants female bonding, games, and fun. Maybe she's lonely and if her bridesmaids are fighting, that could make it all the worse for what should be a fun time in her life.

Unless the price of admission to the shower was cash or something bought from an expensive registry, I applaud her. If people wait for someone else to make things happen, then there is the chance your life won't go the way you want it to and then there would be regret. I think she's brave, especially seeing all the potential criticism that could happen.

[uforgot]

The purpose of a shower is to "shower" the bride with gifts. If she wants to have a party, then have a party. If you are attending a shower, then you are expected to bring a gift.

[Biciclista]

If someone sent me to a gift registry with the minimum gift being $200, I probably wouldn't buy a gift unless it was my grandkid or something.
What I noticed at my son's own wedding was that they got an incredible amount of stuff; and ended up exchanging over $600 worth of booty. As for a wedding shower put on by the bride, I have to ask why. Is she not going to have a wedding party/reception?
I always thought the wedding shower was a celebration with the close girlfriends and female relatives to the bride. You can't tell me that expensive gifts are expected from those people too? and what kind of party would it be if they're all fighting?

The wedding is the celebration of a marriage. In our culture, we celebrate it in church and/or with a party (called the reception) afterwards.

[Fujichants]

In regards to my friend, who is hosting the wedding shower with the expensive gift registries...she also had an engagement party where in the invite she put 'gift cards preferred'.

She is having a big old wedding in September, and for that, her registry is at Bloomingdale's.

I'm going broke just on all her wedding related parties, which I have to attend, because i'm a bridesmaid. it's kind of sad because we wanted to plan her party, but she flat out refused. Kind of makes me wonder...

[shootingstar]

In regards to my friend, who is hosting the wedding shower with the expensive gift registries...she also had an engagement party where in the invite she put 'gift cards preferred'.

She is having a big old wedding in September, and for that, her registry is at Bloomingdale's.

I'm going broke just on all her wedding related parties, which I have to attend, because i'm a bridesmaid. it's kind of sad because we wanted to plan her party, but she flat out refused. Kind of makes me wonder...

Hope she remains married after all this.. :rolleyes:

It is interesting when an older bride gets married for the lst time. My youngest sister married for the lst time at 38 yrs. She already had her own house and stuff. Still people gave nice gifts...more yuppish. Not sure of all she got. I was at a loss, as her sister, what to give her. So in the end, I got them a handmade teapot..usable but also artsy oriented.

Same dilemma for another sister who married at 34 yrs. for lst time but lived with her now-hubby for 7 prior yrs. They already had a house, etc. So I bought them a framed original artwork.

Both of them had registries but only as an option, not mandatory. But I didn't pay attention to that. :) It was understood by each of them, they would get gifts from siblings that had nothing to do with the registries....because we know them well and their lifestyle.

Yea...I come from a family of some later-loves in life. :)

[ny biker]

In regards to my friend, who is hosting the wedding shower with the expensive gift registries...she also had an engagement party where in the invite she put 'gift cards preferred'.

She is having a big old wedding in September, and for that, her registry is at Bloomingdale's.

I'm going broke just on all her wedding related parties, which I have to attend, because i'm a bridesmaid. it's kind of sad because we wanted to plan her party, but she flat out refused. Kind of makes me wonder...

You don't have to buy someone a gift from their registry. You don't have to go broke buying expensive gifts for someone.

Technically the only event where any gift is required is a shower. You are not required to give a gift for a wedding or engagement party.

And if she puts "gift cards preferred" on an invitation, she deserves to get a bunch of gift cards to McDonalds.

[maillotpois]

She even has two registries for her bridal shower...at Williams Sonoma and Tiffany's. The cheapest thing on there is $200. What on earth? Is it normal to have a registry for a bridal shower?


That is incredibly tacky!!! :eek: As if everyone has an extra $200 for a bridal shower gift - especially in this economy. Sheesh!

[GLC1968]

I got married late in life, too (35). We hadn't set up a house together yet, but we both obviously had plenty of our own 'stuff'. I actually found the registry extremely helpful because we could pick out things we actually needed.

Like our pots and pans and our everyday flatware, which were a mis-mash left over from college days and hand-me downs! We registered for something nice. What we didn't need was towels, linens or glassware - so we didn't register for that stuff. It made it MUCH easier for friends and family to pick out things that would be actually be useful as opposed to getting things like potholders and bathmats...you know?

But yeah, I could not have thrown a shower for myself. Not so much because it would look like 'gift grubbing' but because I'd feel like a loser with no friends! :eek:

And while yes, the term 'shower' is for showering a bride or a couple with gifts, it isn't always done that way these days. I have been to plenty of 'showers' where the bride requested NO gifts. It was a fun, girly get-together (possibly in lieu of a bachelorette party, which I find awful) for the female wedding guests and family members to get to know each other prior to the wedding. If you called it just a party - the the whole feel of 'pre-wedding' fun would be lost.

[indysteel]

In regards to my friend, who is hosting the wedding shower with the expensive gift registries...she also had an engagement party where in the invite she put 'gift cards preferred'.

She is having a big old wedding in September, and for that, her registry is at Bloomingdale's.

I'm going broke just on all her wedding related parties, which I have to attend, because i'm a bridesmaid. it's kind of sad because we wanted to plan her party, but she flat out refused. Kind of makes me wonder...

My head's hitting the keyboard. You should get an etiquette book as a gift for your friend; she could stand to learn a few things. Engagement gifts are not generally expected and, in any event, invitations should never refer to gift giving or registries and they should certainly never suggest what is preferred. Bridal shower invitations may refer to registries but ONLY because they are not coming from the bride or her immediate family, but rather from her bridesmaids or friends.

As a member of the bridal party, you are not required to attend every event or, if you do choose to attend, to buy gifts for each one. One shower and one wedding gift is more than enough and, even then, they remain voluntary, no matter what a bride may otherwise believe.

IMO, if a bride wants to throw something for her closest friends and family, I don't think it should be in the form of a shower and all that entails. I could sort of accept a "no gifts" luncheon or brunch, but even that's a stretch for me. Many brides host something as a way of thanking their bridal party but that's an opportunity for the bride to give, not get, gifts.

I, personally, find some logic in the rules of etiquette as they related to weddings and the like, in part, because I think people are losing sight of what is and isn't polite in this society. As someone else said, the wedding and reception are the celebration. I'd go a step farther to say that the marriage should ideally be the celebration......but that's because I'm a fan of eloping!

[uforgot]

Indysteel - great post! I'm in total agreement.

[Possegal]

If I were getting married I believe I'd have to throw a "come get your parka cause hell must be freezing over" party. But that's just cause I'm quite unlucky at love. :)

[ny biker]

If I were getting married I believe I'd have to throw a "come get your parka cause hell must be freezing over" party. But that's just cause I'm quite unlucky at love. :)

If I ever get married, I am stealing this idea!

[uforgot]

If I ever get married AGAIN, I'm going to try this. On second thought, I'm not going to do it again even if hell freezes over or pigs fly, so never mind.

Hey, I'm just going to have a "I've been in this house for 20 years so I want everyone to come over and bring a gift because my stuff is getting old" party. I promise I'll serve frozen margaritas instead of a cute cake. Don't you dare bring anything that doesn't match my decor, because it's all about ME!

[GLC1968]

Hey, I'm just going to have a "I've been in this house for 20 years so I want everyone to come over and bring a gift because my stuff is getting old" party. I promise I'll serve frozen margaritas instead of a cute cake. Don't you dare bring anything that doesn't match my decor, because it's all about ME!

Was this directed at me for mentioning that we had a registry at age 35?

[Aint Doody]

Hey, uforgot! Great idea. I think I'll have one of those parties, too. And I'll put out a basket for donations to get the house painted along with swatches for recovering some of my furniture. Maybe a list for people to sign up to clean my windows, too.

[Biciclista]

Hey, uforgot! Great idea. I think I'll have one of those parties, too. And I'll put out a basket for donations to get the house painted along with swatches for recovering some of my furniture. Maybe a list for people to sign up to clean my windows, too.

and do yard work??

[uforgot]

Was this directed at me for mentioning that we had a registry at age 35?

Nope. Not at all. I'm so sorry if you took it that way. It was directed at the person who was giving themselves a shower, and the people who request "cash" or "gift cards" only. Then I got to thinking, I'm not getting married, nor am I having a baby, but I could use some stuff. Whenever I'm at showers we always talk about how we should have showers every 20 years or so when it all wears out. So I thought, maybe I should give MYSELF a shower.

Anyway, Im okay with registries. It helps out people who are really concerned what to get. No one is required, or even requested to shop from it. At least they shouldn't be. Oh, not when the least expensive thing is $200 mind you, and bridezilla is watching every step you make. I kind of like going through and picking out something that matches, but if someone doesn't shop from the registry, they still took the time and effort to get the couple something they wanted them to have. I remember my niece was very irritated that someone deviated from the registry and DARED to give her purple towels. Of course I let her know how I felt. This and the money/gift card request is the "all about me" part. I imagine that at 35, your thanks were sincere and you probably even sent thank you notes.

Oh, and by the way, a shower STILL means "shower with gifts", otherwise it's something else.

[uforgot]

Hey, uforgot! Great idea. I think I'll have one of those parties, too. And I'll put out a basket for donations to get the house painted along with swatches for recovering some of my furniture. Maybe a list for people to sign up to clean my windows, too.

It's probably better if you control the gift giving a little more and request gift cards from Merry Maids. Of course, the donations are a nice touch.

[solobiker]

When I got married 12 years ago I didn't want to have a shower for several reasons...I am not big on getting attention from people and I didn't want people to feel like they had to buy things for me. My Mom and MIL strongly encouraged me to have one because " that is what people do" I don't even remember where I registered but I do know I made sure to register for items under $50. I would not feel right having people buy me expensive items. Gosh from reading the above posts I can't believe how materialistic people have become. Isn't a wedding more then just what gifts people give/receive?

[Fujichants]

Great post indysteel!

My friend who is getting married is 24. I have no idea why she would need Tiffany's and Williams Sonoma (although I love that store)...but that is a whole other topic.

She actually approached a mutual best friend who is currently unemployed and ASKED her to get one of the items on her Tiffany's registry because there are only 5,000 pieces left of it in the world and she doesn't want anybody else snatching it up. :eek: Her reasoning? She will buy us nice gifts for our bridal showers and weddings as well. Um...who said i'm going to have a wedding in the future?

Definitely a bridezilla! Sometimes I want to shake her and ask her where my friend is.

But more to the topic of hosting your own bridal shower - what if you don't have friends/family living near you? Or you have friends, but they are not so close to you?

[PamNY]

Whenever I'm at showers we always talk about how we should have showers every 20 years or so when it all wears out. So I thought, maybe I should give MYSELF a shower.

Ah yes, my friends and I have talked about a similar concept. In fact, I may give myself an appliance shower, as my dryer, refrigerator and microwave are all acting wonky.

I can't believe someone registered for $200+ gifts for a shower. Showing my age here, but I thought shower gifts were dish towels, measuring cups and such. I do like the idea of an etiquette book as a gift.

Pam

[GLC1968]

Nope. Not at all. I'm so sorry if you took it that way. It was directed at the person who was giving themselves a shower, and the people who request "cash" or "gift cards" only. Then I got to thinking, I'm not getting married, nor am I having a baby, but I could use some stuff. Whenever I'm at showers we always talk about how we should have showers every 20 years or so when it all wears out. So I thought, maybe I should give MYSELF a shower.

Anyway, Im okay with registries. It helps out people who are really concerned what to get. No one is required, or even requested to shop from it. At least they shouldn't be. Oh, not when the least expensive thing is $200 mind you, and bridezilla is watching every step you make. I kind of like going through and picking out something that matches, but if someone doesn't shop from the registry, they still took the time and effort to get the couple something they wanted them to have. I remember my niece was very irritated that someone deviated from the registry and DARED to give her purple towels. Of course I let her know how I felt. This and the money/gift card request is the "all about me" part. I imagine that at 35, your thanks were sincere and you probably even sent thank you notes.

Oh, and by the way, a shower STILL means "shower with gifts", otherwise it's something else.

Sorry - I don't know why I'm overly sensitive today. Of course we sent thank you's...do people not? I don't know why I ask, I'm sure there are people who don't. Just like there are people who throw their own showers or only register for $200 items and up. Luckily, I've not had to attend any showers or weddings where thank you's were not sent out! I do have one hell of a Bridezilla story though - it even got published in one of the books - that I'd be happy to share. :p

I agree that 'shower' generally means shower with gifts, but it could also be expanded to mean "shower with attention/good wishes". As I mentioned, I've been to a couple of them where they weren't about gifts at all. I think had they called it a pre-wedding party, half the older family members probably wouldn't have attended for fear it would be about the young people. I think calling it a shower and then saying 'no gifts' was totally acceptable. It sure was fun!

And while I agree with 99% of Indysteel's post - I still don't feel that putting your registry info on a shower invite is proper. It doesn't matter who is throwing the party - putting it in print is advertising, plain and simple. Word of mouth, or don't bother as far as I'm concerned. ;)

[GLC1968]

But more to the topic of hosting your own bridal shower - what if you don't have friends/family living near you? Or you have friends, but they are not so close to you?

I had this. All of my female friends were far away (plane ride, far), including my tiny wedding party...and the only person close to me besides guy friends was my mom. While it would have been horribly wrong for my mom to host the shower, we hope it was ok that my matron of honor hosted it at my mom's house.

We probably broke some rules, but my mom did everything she could to stay out of it outside of cleaning the house and providing driving directions. It was an odd shower though with everyone close to me being so far away. I had only one of my friends there (my MOH) and the rest of the girls my age were actually wives and girlfriends of my guy friends who lived in the area whom I barely knew (oh, and my personal trainer - with whom I was just developing a good friendship with...). I didn't even have any relatives there except for my mom. Weird, huh?

[Geonz]

In regards to my friend, who is hosting the wedding shower with the expensive gift registries...she also had an engagement party where in the invite she put 'gift cards preferred'.

She is having a big old wedding in September, and for that, her registry is at Bloomingdale's.

I'm going broke just on all her wedding related parties, which I have to attend, because i'm a bridesmaid. it's kind of sad because we wanted to plan her party, but she flat out refused. Kind of makes me wonder...

I would wonder ... sounds rather sad. Does she feel that unpopular? Is she that scared that she doesn't have enough stuff?

I might be inclined to think very creatively about making myself go broke for this person.

[GLC1968]

Oh, and I should mention that if my MOH and my mom didn't make those arrangements, I would have happily gone without a bridal shower.

Throwing one for oneself just seems sad.

[smurfalicious]

If I were getting married I believe I'd have to throw a "come get your parka cause hell must be freezing over" party. But that's just cause I'm quite unlucky at love. :)

Bwahahaha! Are there any of those ice hotels in the US? Because that would be the place to have it!

I don't get the whole five hundred friggin parties thing. I had enough stress going on without worrying about a bridal shower and to me it seemed greedy. If you want to get us a wedding present, cool. I wasn't even figuring on that because our friends/family/etc were so scattered that most didn't even know my mom or matron of honor to get the details. Of course if they knew us at all they'd know we were registered at Target (cuz we love cheap plastic stuff!), Sportsman's Warehouse (natch') and Home Depot (totally normal right?).

Just because these parties are traditional doesn't mean you've got to have them all. Perhaps focusing on showing some appreciation for her feuding bridesmaids by planning a nice luncheon for them might be a better use of her energy. From what's been said about her, perhaps she's why they're spatting.

And gifts for an engagement party? Maybe from your parents, but that's it. Perhaps a copy of the Anti-Bride's Etiquette Guide:

http://www.amazon.com/Anti-Bride-Etiquette-Guide-Rules-Bend/dp/0811844587/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1239068937&sr=8-1

Our plan was have a big BBQ out at Lake Billy Chinook with our friends instead of bachelor/bachelorette parties. I mean, why did he need the strip club when he's marrying a former stripper? What we really cared about was the awesome party we were calling our wedding. We just wanted to get married, and have a great day with our friends. Of course I think that having planned to walk down a the aisle with my horse (on my friend's ranchette facing the mountains), guests seated on hay bails with my dogs as flower girl and ring bearer says I'm a bit more laid back.

[Biciclista]

I do have one hell of a Bridezilla story though - it even got published in one of the books - that I'd be happy to share. :p



yes, PLEASE SHARE

[salsabike]

In regards to my friend, who is hosting the wedding shower with the expensive gift registries...she also had an engagement party where in the invite she put 'gift cards preferred'.

She is having a big old wedding in September, and for that, her registry is at Bloomingdale's.

I'm going broke just on all her wedding related parties, which I have to attend, because i'm a bridesmaid. it's kind of sad because we wanted to plan her party, but she flat out refused. Kind of makes me wonder...

Please. Asking people to spend this much money is just plain WRONG. I don't care who throws what parties, but "Please remit expensive gifts" is NOT an okay message, period. Ugh.

[Grog]

But more to the topic of hosting your own bridal shower - what if you don't have friends/family living near you? Or you have friends, but they are not so close to you?

I am 5,000 km away from "home" (whatever that means now). Some relatives-in-law(-to-be) threw a shower for me before my wedding. I thought it was very nice. I had a few local friends that I invited but my mother, sister-in-law (at "home") and close friends could not attend of course. They wouldn't have known what to do there though, I'm afraid, we're not big on showers. But it was a very nice touch on their part, and meant to make me feel welcome in the family. I am thankful for that (in general, not specifically the shower).

[Bron]

Is a wedding shower instead of a hen party?

I'll have to be the ignorant Brit here because I have no idea what they are - the sorts of presents that people setting up a home need are what we would give as wedding presents over here.

[papaver]

Of all my friends I'm the only one who got married. Guess I'm lucky. :D

I wouldn't spend that much money on a friends wedding. It's not the amount of money that shows how much you love them.

I have some savings for my brothers kids when they get married, but that's different.

I just would ignore the gift lists and buy them whatever I want to buy them.

[Irulan]

For me the point IF I am going to give a gift is something meaningful. I have a ceramic wall clock in my kitchen that was a wedding gift from some dear friends. I am sure they didn't spend over $25 25 years ago. It's beautiful, keeps the time, and it's always in the back of my mind who gave it to me with good thoughts.

Then there's the silverplate chafing dish up in the cupboard above the fridge, can't even remember which relative that came from.

[GLC1968]

yes, PLEASE SHARE

I developed a good friendship with a girl from work. We both graduated at the same time, went through an extensive training program together, got permanent placement in the same location together, etc. I'd say that we'd been good co-workers & friends for about 2 years when she and her long time boyfriend decided to get married. I knew him fairly well, too.

I was one of maybe 5 people invited to her bridal shower that wasn't wedding party or family. I was extremely nervous because I knew no one, but ended up having a great time and got to know a lot of her girlfriends from college at that shower.

The wedding was a few months later. We talked about all the details at work every day (I was actually getting a bit tired of it). She was my first close friend to get married, so I was actually learning a lot about what went into planning a wedding. This was going to be a fancy affair. I can't remember the location now, but it was upscale. There were over 300 invitations sent out (I have no idea how many they budgeted on attending). I received my invite in plenty of time and it was addressed to me and a guest. At the time, I was dating a guy that I'd been with for about a year. This girl knew him, we'd all been out together. In fact, as she and I talked 'wedding stuff' it came up more than a few times that he and I had talked about marriage, too. She knew we were serious. Anyway, I accepted the invite and said that we'd both be attending.

Less than two days before the wedding, she calls me and in all seriousness says that I can't bring my date. She phrases it that way, too: "my date". Not my boyfriend, not by his name... I ask why and she says that some relatives she barely knew had arrived with dates that they had not said they were bringing and they didn't have enough seating/meals. She even said something about how we weren't married yet anyway. Huh??

I thought it was a sucky thing to do, but I was nice about it and said OK.

The day of the wedding, I came down with some stomach bug. I was violently ill that day and for two days after that as well. I was so sick, I couldn't even be upright or away from a bathroom for more than 10 minutes at a time. My boyfriend actually came over and took care of me. He called my friend and told her how sick I was and that I wouldn't be at the wedding. He had to track her down at her beauty salon (this was before the common use of cell phones) and he didn't stop trying until he'd spoken with her personally. She was rude to him and said something to the effect that I should have told her two days ago that I wouldn't be attending so that she could have let 'so and so' come instead. Right - like I knew I was going to be so sick???

After I'd recovered, I sent her the wedding present I'd gotten her with a card of congratulations. I also sent her an apology (looking back, I'm not sure why I bothered). At the time, I blamed myself. Once I started attending other weddings and then planning my own, I realized what a tacky thing she did by uninviting my boyfriend two days before the wedding because of the cost of a meal.

Anyway, I never heard another word from her. No thank-you (and that was one hell of a wedding gift), no nothing. She didn't return to work for two weeks or so (off on her honeymoon) and by then, I'd actually transferred to a different location (for unrelated reasons). We haven't spoken since. This was 15 years ago.

I can't help but wonder if the 'bridezilla' ever disappeared or not. Either her true colors came out at the wedding, or for a few months she transformed and is now back to her normal self. I hope it's the latter because if not, she's probably not still married. Her husband to be was way too good of a person to deserve a b-iatch like that for the rest of his life. ;)

[Fujichants]

Wow GLC...what a story!

What is it about weddings that make the claws and horns come out?

[fidlfreek]

WOW. What a story.

Does anyone wonder why we really have showers anyway? I mean, I don't know about you guys, but it seems like most of my friends get married after having lived together and having been out of college for long enough to collect enough nesting gear anyway.

I mean, isn't that what its all about? If you're just starting out and have nothing then YES a shower is a good idea. Otherwise, why bother? They are stuffy and generally you end up w/ uncomfortable situations. Like at mine when I didn't remember the names of all of my mom's extended circle of friends. I agree that the most meaningful stuff was the stuff NOT on the registry.

Ever thought of having some kind of "tea"? Afternoon...named with the older crowd in mind they wouldn't automatically assume it was just a party and opt out. Just a thought.

[Irulan]

I believe the original concept for showers was for back in the day when typically folks lived with their parents until they got married, and it was to "Shower" them with all they would need for their new home.

[ny biker]

WOW. What a story.

Does anyone wonder why we really have showers anyway? I mean, I don't know about you guys, but it seems like most of my friends get married after having lived together and having been out of college for long enough to collect enough nesting gear anyway.

I mean, isn't that what its all about? If you're just starting out and have nothing then YES a shower is a good idea. Otherwise, why bother? They are stuffy and generally you end up w/ uncomfortable situations. Like at mine when I didn't remember the names of all of my mom's extended circle of friends. I agree that the most meaningful stuff was the stuff NOT on the registry.

Ever thought of having some kind of "tea"? Afternoon...named with the older crowd in mind they wouldn't automatically assume it was just a party and opt out. Just a thought.


I agree.

It would have been great if someone had thrown a college graduation shower for me.

[Possegal]

My friends threw a graduate school one for me. :) I was moving 800 miles away, didn't have much of anything. I got a toaster and a can opener and other typical bridal shower stuff. It was very helpful! So you see how I owe them all, and will have to throw the 'come get your parka' party. ;)

[SadieKate]

But more to the topic of hosting your own bridal shower - what if you don't have friends/family living near you? Or you have friends, but they are not so close to you?Since when has there been a requirement for a shower?

I thought marriage was about the union of two people, not the best events to grab schwag.