In a low place

[smurfalicious]

Ugh, I don't want to be in my head anymore, it's awful in here. Out of the blue I've been blindsided by the worst bout of depression ever. Last night was so ugly I was happy I was exhausted and just finally crashed out before doing something irrational.

I think it's the culmination of the massive amounts of crap I've had dumped on me lately. Mom's unemployed and struggling to pay the bills, make the mortgage. Another friend is being foreclosed on and the clincher was the phone call last weekend from an old friend back home whose boyfriend beat and raped her after cheating on her repeatedly. Sunshine and butterflies everywhere for me!

I'm not sure what entirely set it off last night, I think it was finishing my taxes and watching my lovely $1k return dwindle to $200 as I added the last W-2. Out the door went my new bike. Boo.

It got to the point where I was so upset/livid/whatever that I was debating selling my bike, dumping it in whatever convenient body of water I could find, backing over it several times with my truck, or my most creative plan, kindling a fire with my bike clothes and setting it on there.

A lot of it has to do with work, and a lot of it is the loss of sense of self I've dealt with since I moved to Colorado. I loved my bike when I started there, I was gushing pride out every pore over that bike. Now they've successfully made me hate it, think it's a total POS, etc. I honestly don't even want to ride it anymore. For reals, ever. I hate it.

Insult to injury everyone else has purchased a new bike recently and it's making me wicked jealous as they parade them in front of me. Whenever I mention maybe changing something on my bike it's always, "Why don't you just buy a new bike?" Gosh guys, I've NEVER thought about that before! What a brilliant idea! Oh yeah, I'm not rocking the dual income no kids lifestyle, and I don't live at home with mom and dad so I'm not sitting a few grand extra.

I've thought about selling my beloved massive L series lens, but I can't commit to that, that lens was my dream since high school, even if it hardly ever gets used. So that leaves me trying to save up for a new ride, and even if I scrimp like mad and save everything I can it's gonna take at LEAST 8 months and in the mean time I have a bike I don't even want anymore that everyone pisses on.

So right now I just feel like it would be easier to say screw it to riding and focus on my horse again. I'd rather not have a bike than have one that causes this much angst. It's like my inner 10 year old wants a pony NOW and in the mean time the school bully is beating her up and stealing her lunch money because she doesn't have a pony.

I don't even really want another road bike but every time I mention something else I get a bunch of BS from the peanut gallery. Like they've decided I'm "just a roadie." Boy, glad you all cleared that up for me! I was so confused because when I ride down dirt roads I really like it! Woo, now if they could help me resolve that time I made out with my best female friend while three sheets to the wind. I wanted to get a Gary Fisher Hoo Koo E Koo because I LOVED my Big Sur and this year's HKEK is friggin' HAWT!!! It's root beer colored with the trendy white components. Mmmmm. I was promptly told that I'm not a mountain biker anyway, especially if I don't want a fully.

Every bike I try just confuses me more. I'm so overwhelmed and every time I think I have it pinned down it just feels like I'm rushing to shut everyone up. I don't think I'll even know the bike when I ride it. Although the Blue RC8 was a ton of fun, tortuous winds aside.

What I don't understand is when I became the girl who let what others thought of her, her horse, her clothes, etc, bother her? I never had what other girls did in my entire equine career but I worked my butt off to get what I wanted. Whether it was cleaning stalls as a teen or knocking it out of the park to earn a big bonus as an adult, I got what I wanted. Sure I have the ugliest baby blue horse trailer in the world, but it doesn't matter how you get there, just what you do once you get there. Bike doesn't matter, engine does. And if I build up the strength to climb Flagstaff on a heavy bike, imagine how I'll rail up it on something lighter down the road!

Of course this is all magnified a million times by how craptacular I feel. In reality these are fairly small hurdles. I just wanna sleep and/or cry. Either one. I forced myself to do stuff today. I made cookies for my horse, and as it turns out accidentally used salt instead of sugar. Really, who puts salt in a glass canister? Oh well, horse is forgiving, he still likes them. I went to the barn and rode for a while, that was super good. It's just that the glimmers of good end so abruptly. The minute I left the barn I felt crummy again.

Tonight one of my roommates made spaghetti and by the time I got out there all the noodles were gone. I was sooooo butt hurt!!! I've made dinner for everyone several times and I didn't get any! I pretended not to care, said I'd fix myself something no big deal. Then of course everyone had to hound me and really I feel so crappy that eating is an afterthought right now. I feel bad because they probably thought I was being a drama queen, I was just trying to get back to my room before the water works started.

I think in light of all this mess I'm definitely going to chat with my boss about it makes me feel when everyone bags on my bike and tells me to get a new one. It stings so bad, takes me back to growing up with just enough when everyone else had nice new stuff and I wore the neighbor's hand me downs.

Picking up some 5-HTP (precursor to serotonin) and a B complex vitamin (deficiency is a common cause of depression) will be my first order of business tomorrow.

I must say I am so grateful for my animals. Maybe I don't have a fancy bike but I have a gorgeous, talented, willing and wonderful horse that doesn't criticize me when I screw up the cookies, listens to me poor my heart out without judgment, and doesn't mind if I bury my face in his mane and cry. No fancy bike in the world has big, brown, soulful eyes that can look deep down into you and say, "It's all gonna be alright, now can I have another salt cookie?"

[Ana]

A lot of it has to do with work, and a lot of it is the loss of sense of self I've dealt with since I moved to Colorado. I loved my bike when I started there, I was gushing pride out every pore over that bike. Now they've successfully made me hate it, think it's a total POS, etc. I honestly don't even want to ride it anymore. For reals, ever. I hate it.

Insult to injury everyone else has purchased a new bike recently and it's making me wicked jealous as they parade them in front of me. Whenever I mention maybe changing something on my bike it's always, "Why don't you just buy a new bike?" Gosh guys, I've NEVER thought about that before! What a brilliant idea! Oh yeah, I'm not rocking the dual income no kids lifestyle, and I don't live at home with mom and dad so I'm not sitting a few grand extra.

I've thought about selling my beloved massive L series lens, but I can't commit to that, that lens was my dream since high school, even if it hardly ever gets used. So that leaves me trying to save up for a new ride, and even if I scrimp like mad and save everything I can it's gonna take at LEAST 8 months and in the mean time I have a bike I don't even want anymore that everyone pisses on.


Initial thought: why are you riding with these people? They sound condescending and inconsiderate.

I am so sorry to hear about your experience with depression :( I am glad to hear you are making yourself do stuff, despite your desires to cry/sleep.

I like to make lists of things I am grateful to have in my life to help cheer me up. I have also found that if you count on the people who care about you, you will be pleasantly surprised at the love and support they are able to offer.

Hang in there. I hope tomorrow is brighter :)

[shootingstar]

Have you tried applying for other jobs? Just a thought once you're in a calmer moment. You have a future way ahead of yourself...more than some other TE members here.

Guess having the horse does take up a certain amount of costs... I'm only remarking because my partner used to be weekend farmer and he had 3 horses. (plus cattle, etc.) I know he loved the horses. So did his children. So I heard abit about costs to maintain...horses. But he had to sell the whole farm works off due to divorce, etc. So he went from farm to bikes. It was cheaper for him, besides he was struggling with major allergies with dust from dealing with the bales of hay from his farm..

Your mom is probably doing a valiant job surviving as best as she can. She's probably grateful her daughter has a job --one less worry for her, right?

And one can only be a friend to listen and comfort in the hardest of times.

May you find answers, peace on the bike, while on the horse.....on the journey ahead.

[Wahine]

(((((((Hugs)))))))))

I was always so impressed with your attitude and tenacity when you brought that bike home and decided to rebuild it. That doesn't mean you have to love it... I just want you to know that you are inspirational.

I have gone through a lot in the last 6 months, it's the reason why I haven't been on the board for a while. All I can say is that your character shines through and maybe you don't have the nice new shiney trendy bike... who cares, you did something for yourself and that's worth way more that buying something trendy off the wall because you've got the money to do it.

I came from a family of "have nots", went through 6 years of University with no money, ended up with a professional for a partner for 17 years and then we split. I'm back in the financially scketchy category. I am struggling to save enough money per month to hopefully buy a mtn bike in the next year. I've decided that I want to do an XTerra race and I had so much fun in Moab on a friend's bike I can't not own a mtn bike.

As for mtn bikes: Honestly, with your attitude I would say you're a rigid single speed kinda girl... build one of those and that'll quiet the peanut gallery. Not only that, they are cheap because they are simple and elegant because they are simple and it takes a special kind of person to ride one... you fit the bill. Yes you have to be super strong to climb a lot on a single speed... but it's mostly mental and I think you can do it.

And I agree with you about your horse. I grew up with horses. Nothing beats crying into a mane.

[smurfalicious]

(((((((Hugs)))))))))

I was always so impressed with your attitude and tenacity when you brought that bike home and decided to rebuild it. That doesn't mean you have to love it... I just want you to know that you are inspirational.

*blushes* Thanks, I need to step back sometimes and remember how much work went into that bike. All else fails I'm sure some trendy Boulderite would gladly pay $500 for that bike. Not sure I want to part with her but truth be told she's too big for me. If I get a new ride and keep her she's getting an 11-34 in the rear, an XT rear derailleur, and some seeeeexy black and white fenders from Woody's back home in Bend. She will be the hottest bike at the grocery store, and have the gears to get me up the 12% hill fulla groceries!!!



As for mtn bikes: Honestly, with your attitude I would say you're a rigid single speed kinda girl... build one of those and that'll quiet the peanut gallery. Not only that, they are cheap because they are simple and elegant because they are simple and it takes a special kind of person to ride one... you fit the bill. Yes you have to be super strong to climb a lot on a single speed... but it's mostly mental and I think you can do it.


Ha ha! Hardtails for the headstrong! I would totally do it but ya see, there was a single speed rigid at one point. My friend sold me a Surly 1x1 at cost because all his single speed customers were tall guys and a 14" frame wasn't moving. I tried to build it, really I did. Problem was it was much more fun to upgrade my MTB that was ready to ride than to buy parts so eventually I sold it. So I'd feel kinda silly buying one. One of the gals actually has a single speed rigid 29er that's too big for her because her ex thought it was a great first mtb. Heh. I wanted to buy it from her but she's decided to keep it for her current BF. Boo.

Not sure where in the gorge you are, but when I lived in central Oregon my fam had a house in PDX. I was there for the weekend and took the bike out to Hood River to ride the syncline. EVERYONE in the parking lot stared at me befuddled when I pulled out my bike. A few even asked "You're going to ride this on a hardtail!?" Yessir I am!!!

I did meet a cool frame builder that has half committed to helping me build a steel frame. I can't even fathom how amazing that would be! And the seething jealousy would be delicious frosting on top.



And I agree with you about your horse. I grew up with horses. Nothing beats crying into a mane.

Oh yeah, PJ is the best for that. He's just a giant cuddle bug. 16 hands, 1400 pounds of pure love. It was so awesome today, everything just clicked. I got the most beautiful collected jog out of him. I stopped him before it went astray and loved on him for a while. It's like he knew, probably did. Horses are wicked attune that way.

[Wahine]

I work in Hood River and am currently sleeping at a friend's house in Mosier. I don't have a permanent home at the moment.

Just rode the Syncline today in the mud with a giant Trance that someone is selling one season used. Nice bike but probably still out of my price range, even used.

Take care.

[lph]

Oh smurf, you do sound down. I'm going to sound like an old fogey here - but really - it's not about the bike. You know that, we all know it, but it's sooo easy to get carried away by the want-that-one, ooh, look-at-THAT-one, wouldn't-THAT-colour-be-perfect hysteria. The perfectionism is one reason I don't want to buy a new bike, I'd spend ages researching it, and still manage to find some flaw afterwards. If nothing else I'd be annoyed at the price. Fixing up old bikes I just don't have that level of expectation and I accept that things break down or don't work all the time. There is always going to be someone with a bike that is better, and I kind of get a kick out of riding a bike that doesn't impress anyone - it just works.

Please, don't let the bike mean too much. You have such a huge amount of guts and spirit, and it's a waste to spend it on irrelevant stuff. You really need some more supportive (or just less mouthy!) people to hang around with though. Isn't anyone focusing on what you DO with the bike, the actual riding, the fun part? You can always improve on that, you know, and it's completely free :)

[crazycanuck]

Smurf-I don't know exactly how to help :( I say stuff them all & do what YOU want.

Do you do rodeos? Is there an equestrian club in your area that has some down to earth/normal folk?

BTW..I ride a hardtail & would love a duallie.. I too have been feeling inadequate lately amongst many roadies/mtb folks as I don't have the best bikes in the world.

Take care

C

[Duck on Wheels]

((((Smurf)))) There's definitely a lot of cr*p flying out of the fan these days, and you seem to have been hit by more than your share. In my depression experience, the feeling of helplessness while life goes spinning out of control is a trigger; making plans, however small and marginal, can give you back some of the sense of control. So my tip, FWIW, is to focus on what you can change for the better. Feel free to come over here and cry on some virtual manes whenever you feel the urge, and f'sure make the most of your equine support. We may gush on about our bikes from time to time, causing a bit of jealousy. Being a duck, most of that just washes off my back. I think a lot of us feel about the same: We admire others' bikes (including yours!), but don't feel like we have to have that one and that one and THAT one. Yeah, I know there are a lot of posts expressing bike envy or bike lust, but each such post is just one person lusting one bike. Out of the hundreds of us, mostly the response is "Nice bike! Congrats!" and then we go pat our own trusty rusty steed on the saddle and ride on. You also have a LIVE steed to pat, who nuzzles you back and responds to your feelings. :cool: Now THAT is something I envy!!!

[sundial]

One of the most debilitating things about depression is that it robs us of our rational thinking. We are left with raw feelings of helplessness and hopelessness that perpetuates the problem further. :( :(

You've had the weight of the world on your shoulders and it's been difficult for you to keep your head above the water. It sounds like you are starting at a good place by addressing your physical needs first. Once you get your body healthier things won't seem as dismal and overwhelming. Spend time with your horses. I know how therapeutic they can be. :) Surround yourself with positive and healthy people who have a genuine respect and concern for you and your well being. Buy fresh flowers to add a little bit of sunshine to your home or office. With longer, sunnier days just around the corner you'll want to get out more often for the fresh air and sunshine and that will help you too. :)

[BleeckerSt_Girl]

I'd guess that perhaps half of the women here on TE can't afford a new fancy bike right now either. Or a horse.
If you have your health and you have a roof over your head and food to eat, and you have your loved ones who mean something to you....that's what really matters most, right? Sometimes, especially when we are young, we don't realize this until we suddenly lose one of those things.

And people who purposely make you feel crummy because you don't have some expensive material object like they have are shallow. The hell with them and their superficial values. Often we take on the attitudes of those we surround ourselves with. Consider making changes in your life plan that will cause you to associate with more positive people and fewer negative ones. Such changes can be small and still make a difference.

[Biciclista]

And people who purposely make you feel crummy because you don't have some expensive material object like they have are shallow. The hell with them and their superficial values. Often we take on the attitudes of those we surround ourselves with. Consider making changes in your life plan that will cause you to associate with more positive people and fewer negative ones. Such changes can be small and still make a difference.

Can't you tell these "friends" to buzz off? I think you're fortunate to be able to keep a horse. I had to give mine up years ago. I do seriously question friends that put you down for a bike like the one you built. I would be very proud of it and I would give my "friends" a good talking about how they are HURTING my feelings.

[OakLeaf]

(((((((smurf)))))))

It sounds like you work in a really toxic environment. I know it's not the best time to look for a new job, but maybe try anyhow. Talking to the boss sounds like a good idea (as I said in the earlier thread, a lot of what you mentioned before sounds like it's bordering on sexual harrassment, if not crossing that line). And whatever you can do to stay away from those people outside of the office, if I were you, I'd do that.

Having a plan can go a long way in alleviating the hopelessness and helplessness that goes with depression... although obviously being able to plan is one of the first things that depression attacks.

The cycle of depression can be broken in many places and it sounds like you're doing your best to attack it on several fronts (nutrition, exercise, animals), but sometimes it takes more than that. If you're still feeling this way in a couple of weeks (and honestly it does sound like it's been building for a while), do think about therapy. It sounds like you're aware that some of what's going on is that issues from your childhood are getting triggered. Therapy can be an enormous help in learning to deal with and eventually desensitize those triggers.

Keeping you in my thoughts.

[ASammy1]

First of all (((((smurf))))).

Second, I completely agree with OakLeaf. Having a plan is your first step.

I get really depressed when I'm feeling overwhelmed and confused about what to do too. What I do is take each item I'm feeling overwhelmed about and I make a list in chronological order of what needs to get done and then I assign a time period to it (kind of like a time line). This gets me organized and keeps me on track.

Lastly, surround yourself with positive people. I "divorced" the toxic people in my life a little while ago and have been much better off since.

Good luck TE friend!

[Irulan]

(((((((smurf)))))))

It sounds like you work in a really toxic environment. I know it's not the best time to look for a new job, but maybe try anyhow. Talking to the boss sounds like a good idea (as I said in the earlier thread, a lot of what you mentioned before sounds like it's bordering on sexual harrassment, if not crossing that line). And whatever you can do to stay away from those people outside of the office, if I were you, I'd do that.

Having a plan can go a long way in alleviating the hopelessness and helplessness that goes with depression... although obviously being able to plan is one of the first things that depression attacks.

The cycle of depression can be broken in many places and it sounds like you're doing your best to attack it on several fronts (nutrition, exercise, animals), but sometimes it takes more than that. If you're still feeling this way in a couple of weeks (and honestly it does sound like it's been building for a while), do think about therapy. It sounds like you're aware that some of what's going on is that issues from your childhood are getting triggered. Therapy can be an enormous help in learning to deal with and eventually desensitize those triggers.

Keeping you in my thoughts.

What she said.

[lunacycles]

Hey Smurf, You live in Boulder, aka "snobville" when it comes to all things cycling. Trust me there--20 years dwelling, racing, owning a small bike shop there made that very evident. It is great for cycling, no doubt, but remember where you are living--possibly the most elitist cycling community in this country.

A bike is a bike is a bike. It should be something that gives you joy, not something that reflects your self worth. I say hang out with the horse as much as you can; wherever unconditional love finds you, put your energy there. Enjoy your bike and ride it whenever and wherever you feel like it, and try to ignore those deluded folks who seem to think they (or you) are somehow better if they have a more expensive (or lighter, or fill-in-the-blank) bicycle. My dos centavos.

As far as depression goes you are getting great advice. I am no pro there. I seem to see my bouts of depression as personal challenges to plow through, and have likely suffered more than necessary as a result. But we all face it, especially when times are uncertain. You are not alone.

[Aggie_Ama]

I say tell the boys at work to STFU and ride your bike. In Austin is almost a subculture of coolness to have a bike like yours. :rolleyes:

[solobiker]

Smurf, I lived in Boulder for a little bit and it is a tough town to live in because it seems like everyone is trying to impress people with what they have. As DH says "keeping up with the Jones'" (I liked living there for the hiking and climbing) Now to get back to the topic, I certainly don't have very fancy/expensive bikes, but I enjoy riding them. I used to really care about what others said and was comparing myself to what others had and my ability...the list could go on. It took a while for me to accept things for what they are and to know that in the end it does not matter. I had a close friend who was very much in enjoying every aspect that life had to offer. Her bike was very old, she didn't own a jersey but she could bike me into the ground, same with climbing and skiing. all of her gear was old. Unfortunately she died in an accident about 2 years ago, but she changed me in ways I can't describe. I guess wht I am trying to say is, try to step back and look at what you have done and accomplished. Would a new bike make you happy?? Whenever I was upset about some "trivial" such as work she would say..."on your deathbed are you really going to be upset about....." "Or do you want to remember......" That really helped me to learn to let go a lot of the Cr**. So when people are bugging the heck out of you just try to focus on positive aspects instead of dwelling on the CR***. Lets hook up soon and ride. I need a riding partner and someone who is younger then me to help me out and someone to pull me up the hills.:D

[derailed]

Thank you for letting us know that you are under stress, so we can be here for you.
Thank you for making a list of things to do, such as getting vitamins and planning steps to take to cut down on some of the BS you are being bombarded with.

The peanut gallery is contaminated. They have no more right to judge your bicycle than they do your choice in underwear. No one has the right to tell you how to spend your money. No one has the right to tell you how to enjoy your personal time. I am disgusted by the attitude you have mentioned dealing with at work, and do hope your employer will take steps to reduce the pressure.

You are not the only one to be "teased" past the point of propriety. You are not alone.

Are you sleeping properly? Are you eating well and staying hydrated?

[smurfalicious]

Do you do rodeos? Is there an equestrian club in your area that has some down to earth/normal folk?

Ugh, that's the hardest thing. The whole rodeo circuit in CO is on the western slope, thus at least $100 in gas per rodeo not to mention entry fees, food, nights too cold to sleep in the bed of the truck, etc. Either way I miss it soooo much!!! That was me, that was my life, training 5-6 days a week after work, and irrigating and then running hellbent for leather around the arena on the weekends.

There are some barrel races around here but they use the 4-D format for everything. So my $1500 novice class is the same crap shoot as entering the 4-D. Basically, let's just say the AToC time trial was in 4-D format and they were placing 5 deep. So Levi's time won, and the next 4 guys immediately after would place in the 1-D. Okay so let's call his time, I dunno 30:30, and say we're doing 1 minute splits, so winner of the 2-D is 31:30 and then four down from him, 32:30 wins the 3-D etc. Soooo, if there are 20 guys between 30:30 and 31:30 only 5 of them win, while 15 lose despite better times than the 31:30 group. Yeah, it's lame.

Anyway, I spent most of last night chatting with a good friend who helped me refocus and think about all the awesometastic things I want to do:


I need to spend the weekend getting ready to bring my horse home, hurray! (though might keep him where he is since play days start soon and I've made some friends there).

Rent a Bobcat and create the most awesometastic pump track/dirt jump course in the backyard and become a DJ/BMX superstar (all in the same weekend, actually). :D

Shop around for a green screen printing shop that uses ethical and organic t-shirts to start my awesometastic business.

Study the art of the interview from the good folks at NPR's fresh air. Score interview with Tyyy-luuuuhr. Complete rocking interview. Tyyy-luuuuhr falls madly in love with me (eh hem). Sell interview to Bicycling for a cajillion dollars. Buy new bike. Tell Tyyy-luuuhr I don't have time for a relationship (erm whut? Yes I do!) :p

Ride bike with Solobiker. Laugh when she thinks my fat butt is going to pull on the hills.

Work on my David Sedaris-esque personal narratives. Published writers are more popular to employ and oh yeah, I love writing!


Things I am grateful for, at least today:


That I can rock the farmer's daughter look in pig tails and a red/white plaid shirt.

The epic sandwhich I made today for lunch. Yes, I called a sandwhich epic, but if you saw it, you'd understand.

Friends that will hang around on google chat until the wee hours telling my stories about inflatable seagulls in outdated jello boxes.

My numerous Pandora stations that always manage to offer up something the keeps me in a good mood.

Still being full from the epic sammich several hours later.

Making a friend the other day with my ex-roommate's ex girlfriend (is confusing, but is okay).

Birthday dinner for pseudo-niece and seeing her smile when she opens her present, super happy about that.

[Zen]

I want to know more about the sandwich.

[Tokie]

Isn't tyler married? (oh, sorry, I'm supposed to be cheering you up!) . I've read your post another time about what a hideous work environment you endure. Here's hoping that someday you can work with respectful grownups who have better things to do than put other people down. ( and don't need to build up their pathetic shrunken self-concepts by bullying you ). You sound like a smart and fun person who hasn't found the right work environment yet. Although in this economy, maybe even a sucky job is a good thing! good luck with talking with your boss, and somehow learning how to let the bulls#*t roll off your back. Sometimes if you don't respond in the expected (annoyed,hurt,embarassed,angry, insulted???) way, the tormenting becomes un-rewarding for the tormenters. Perhaps some kind of counseling could help you find greater tolerance of the idiots you work around! Be careful to not let others define you by "things" that you do or don't have. There are always "better" things to be had. Good luck! tokie

[smurfalicious]

Isn't tyler married? (oh, sorry, I'm supposed to be cheering you up!).

Freshly divorced, and if you've seen his hair lately, he needs a woman in his life! My stylist is a punk rock goddess who does amazing things with a razor.

Aaaanyway, I talked to my mom tonight and poured my heart out over how I was feeling. I told her I was worried about her and she told me not to be, that she wasn't worried about her. That she gave it God and he'll show her the right path. I wish my faith was that strong right now. Mine is at best, shaky.

Definitely been listening to my Christian and Christian hip-hop stations on Pandora lately. It's nice because it's all positive and that's what I need.

I told her how things were going at work and she said "F*** 'em! You've never cared what other people think about that sort of stuff." I cried to my mommy tonight, and ya know, you're never too old for that. Made me feel lots better. Strangely think mom supports the purchase of a BMX bike, she knows how much we ripped it up in the neighborhood park as kids and she knows I'm a big overgrown kid.

[OakLeaf]

Strangely think mom supports the purchase of a BMX bike, she knows how much we ripped it up in the neighborhood park as kids and she knows I'm a big overgrown kid.

Here, take a look at this (http://www.news-journalonline.com/NewsJournalOnline/News/Flagler/flaFLAG03021909.htm). If she's not too old for BMX, neither are you. :D

I'm glad you can still cry to your mom. Take advantage of the support system you have. Since you mentioned Christian music - do you have a church you're comfortable at, and/or a minister you can talk to?

Hang in there girl. Sending lots of hugs your way.

[lph]

Freshly divorced, and if you've seen his hair lately, he needs a woman in his life! My stylist is a punk rock goddess who does amazing things with a razor.

smurf - I just wish you could cheer yourself up the way you do others. You are a hilarious read and crack me up all the time :D

[smurfalicious]

smurf - I just wish you could cheer yourself up the way you do others. You are a hilarious read and crack me up all the time :D

I'm funnier in person. When can I come visit?

Seriously though, did you see him at the press conference for AToC? Couldn't tell if it was Tyyyyy-luuuuhr from Rock Racing or Tyler, new general manager of Spearmint Rhino gentlemen's club.

http://www.velonews.com/photo/87667

In his defense, sports photographers know jack about adjusting white balance on DSLRs indoors. I can attest to that, not my area, but that only addresses the horrible lighting and icky color hues.

And if he had the original VeloCowgirl at his side this never would have happened.

http://www.velonews.com/photo/88160

Straw? In the winter? What were locals congratulating him or mocking him? Felt hats in the winter, straw hats in the summer. Sheesh! All hat, no cattle fo' sho!

Hope they didn't get any of that 1/2lb of makeup on his most courageous jersey. When I rule the world podium girls will be wrenches from local shops that still have Phil's grease all over them and their hair in ponytails because it stays out of their faces while fixing flat number 50 for the day.

[Aggie_Ama]

Haha!! My husband and I argued the podium girls did or did not look tacky. I told him "Well my money is they can't ride a bike without training wheels". :p;) Glad you seem to be in better spirits.

[OakLeaf]

It's been done, in motorsports. Umbrella Girls USA specifically hires women who ride. So they've still got b00bs out to here and legs up to there, but they've also got scars from roadrash and orthopedic surgery everywhere. Whatever.

Honestly, I really do get feeling and acknowledging one's sexual power, but I don't get why lawyers who race motorcycles feel the need to dress up like bimbos and drape themselves over pro race winners. :confused: The pay can't be that good.