Failure

[Veronica]

Yep, I'm a failure. I cannot engage several of my students. It must be me, can't be them or their parents, gotta be the teacher.

I suck big time.

[makbike]

Veronica,

Sounds like you have a tough group this year. Some parents have a hard time accepting the fact that they have failed and thus it is much easier to blame someone else for their short comings. Know that you are making a difference in the lives you touch each and every day. They may not show it at the moment by years from now they will realize they were blessed to be in your room. Treat yourself to a special outing, go shopping, ride your bike, enjoy dinner with a friend - simply get away from work for a few hours. Teaching is very rewarding and challenging but it can also suck the life out of you. Take care of yourself and know you are doing a wonderful job in your classroom. Hang in there!

[Crankin]

No you are not, Veronica. Let me tell you about Travis. He came with a reputation he deserved. His parents thought he could do no wrong. He was a 4 foot tall 6th grader who instilled fear in everyone. He could barely read and his mom would not let him be tested so he could get services. There were threats of lawsuits.
Travis was in my HR. Remember the nice morning meeting/sharing time I described? He wrecked it for everyone. Not only did I have him for HR, but also for Lang. Arts, and then, for a 9 week period for a remedial reading course I taught to a rotating group of kids. We were going to kill each other...
Eventually, the team decided that we would be better off if Travis moved out of my HR. One of the male teachers took him, although he still saw me for 90 minutes every other day for LA.
Yes, I gave up. I couldn't reach him. And there have been a few others just like him. Believe me, I tried. I mean, I was the teacher that everyone's parents wanted their kids to have. National Board certified, a mentor, blah, blah, blah. I still couldn't do anything with some of them.
Keep trying, but it is not your fault!

[redrhodie]

Can you take a sabbatical?

[salsabike]

Yeah, we do that "it must be me" thing a lot in this field.

It's hard to come up against some of the limits we have on what we can control. But...you also want to try to remind yourself that some of the seeds you've dropped onto what looks like fallow kid ground may well sprout later, even if you never get to see that. That happens, Veronica, which I know you know.

But I'm sorry for how it feels right now.

[Cataboo]

Yep, I'm a failure. I cannot enaage several of my students. It must be me, can't be them or their parents, gotta be the teacher.

I suck big time.

I suck bigger than you. I have 1 high school senior and I can't get the kid to think. Snickering nervously, that I can make him do.

I think the fact that his father wrote and did his 14 college applications for him and seems to be doing most of his eagle scout project might be part of the problem.

[crazycanuck]

V,

First off I think you're one amazing woman and not a failure. You seem to face everything that comes your way(tri's, long long UP MOUNTAIN rides to name a few)

Second, stand up and give the world the backwards victory sign.

Third-Are you able to take a sabbatical? I'm sure there's a very nice road in another state/country etc waiting for you & your bike.

Take care

C

[Flybye]

Says the Masters in School Counseling student...............have their IQ scores been checked? Has the school counselor had an opportunity to work with them? The kids that I see this semester have learned more about life than I have and I am 37. I can not see why they would be able to function in class at all given the stories that they carry around on their shoulders.
Don't give up, that is what they are banking on.

[Wahine]

((((((HUGS))))))

I couldn't do your job. I get frustrated trying to get through to some of my adult clients that at least made the first step of walking through the door.

[rocknrollgirl]

I had an email this morning from the mother of an 18 year old AP Biology student that was saddened and surprised that he failed the second marking period with a 53.

Saddened and surprised???? After the 4 emails that I send through the marking period to keep you updated on his lack of effort and the 8 zeros that he had?

Saddened and surprised by the progress report that was sent that said in danger of failing????

She wanted to know if I had a plan to help him pass the third marking period.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!!!!!!!!!!!

And this is an 18 year old, college bound senior...

IT IS NOT YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[OakLeaf]

Aw girl.

Vent here all you like, just remember it's not you. Unless you're a completely different person in your classes than you are here. ;)

Thank you again for the work you do. Not many of us would take a job trying to teach pigs to sing. Just hang on to the memories of students who've actually made the effort to learn something from you (do you have any at all this year?).

[beccaB]

Yep, I'm a failure. I cannot engage several of my students. It must be me, can't be them or their parents, gotta be the teacher.

I suck big time.


No you don't. I don't do your job, but I am a school bus driver, so I understand. You can only do so much. Hang in there. Your job has to be the most rewarding and the most frustrating at the same time.

[bmccasland]

V - It most certainly can be the student and their parents. They need to take responsibility for their lives. You are not there to entertain the students, they are there to learn, it is their job too. They have to meet you half way, or at least somewhere in the middle. Do they expect their entire life to be delivered to them on a platter? What does your school admin have to say? I hate writing off students, having been written off myself by a teacher (I was NOT a slow reader, it was my EYES!).

Is there other help for the student (s)? What does interest them? Is there a way to tease from what does interest them into a learning situation? Once you disengage the IPOD, and cell phone?

Big Hugs to you.

[SheFly]

V - don't give up. As others here have said, this is NOT your fault, and you definitely don't suck.

I applaud all of you on the board that do the hard work of teaching today's children. I know that I could never do it, so hats off to all of you.

Hang in there - you're doing a great job.

SheFly

[Ana]

Veronica,

I am neither a teacher nor a parent but through my own life experiences, I have learned two important things regarding the alleged failure of which you speak:

1) You cannot expect something from someone who has not already demonstrated that quality or behavior. Firstly, you are setting yourself up for disappointment and secondly, it is somewhat unfair. Although there is a small difference in supporting and encouraging another person to fulfill his or her own potential, it is not prudent to expect achievements beyond that person's capability.

2) Change which we wish to see in others is impossible without the will of the individual. Even if he or she claims they want to change, the possibility will not even come about without them actually wanting to change themselves.

I hope this situation is resolved soon.

[Biciclista]

Funny, when my younger son finished the 4th grade, his teacher said the same thing to me "I failed" she said, "I failed him, I'm so sorry" (she wasn't talking about his grade)

The fact is, my son was not ready to be a good student. Now he's in a master's program - pure mathematics. But when he was 9, he wanted to run jump and climb trees. He read like a demon, but the rest of the time he was wiggling, throwing things and being annoying.

Get them all on bicycles and take them riding. Then you won't fail. :cool:

[Veronica]

What's a school counselor?

Seriously, I know I don't suck as a teacher. That actually started as an email to my principal, which I decided not to send.

But I am at my wit's end. It's that time of year when parents realize that their child is heading to middle school next year and the kid is nowhere near ready. And they start besieging me with phone calls and e mails, wanting to know what am I going to do about it. And I want to answer with, "I'm doing my job, when are you or your kid going to start doing yours?"

I have several students that really all they want to do all day is talk with their friends, read the Twilight series and talk about the Twilight series (so inappropriate for ten year olds) or draw. And no matter what I do, I can't seem to dissuade them from that. They miss the explanation on how to do things, so then they can't do them or they don't have the basic skills to begin with, because this tuning out the teacher is not new behavior.

And I swear it's more kids this year than ever before in this situation. Oh wait, I'm a grumpy old foggie complaining about the current generation.

Whatever...

Veronica

[Biciclista]

why is the twilight series inappropriate?

[Veronica]

16 year old girl in love with a vampire. It's way too sensual for ten year olds. It deals with emotions that they should not be thinking about yet.

[beccaB]

I'm really upset about the elementary kids on my bus being allowed to play "Call of Duty" . It's a violent war game-rated mature. There seems to be no sensitivity about anything. It's like parents have given up, and kids are allowed to do "whatever" because everyone else does it.

[salsabike]

16 year old girl in love with a vampire. It's way too sensual for ten year olds. It deals with emotions that they should not be thinking about yet.

Yes. I had a conversation with the mom of a 5th grader just yesterday about that. She was being teased by some other girls in her grade because her reading level wasn't quite up to reading "Twilight". 5th graders are too young for the content and feel of that series.

[derailed]

You don't have to engage every student. Work with the ones you can, let the other ones get engaged someplace which won't steal learning time from the kids who do care.
I didn't click with every teacher, and I certainly don't hold them at fault for that. We got a variety of classes, we were exposed to a variety of instructional mannerisms. Some worked better for some kids than others.

Wishing you strength, and appreciating your fortitude.

[ClockworkOrange]

Hi Veronica

I think teachers around the globe do an amazing job, I know what I was like. :confused: However, saying that I have turned out fine, nothing to do with the upbringing, just the way I seemed to be at school, just extremely objectionable. :rolleyes:

Anyway, you might be interested in this link:

http://www.amazon.com/Twilight-for-Pre-Teens/forum/Fx3MSH6KHLPS0XD/Tx36T97ZH1Z6BRV/1/ref=cm_cd_ef_tft_tp?%5Fencoding=UTF8&asin=030728090X

Unfortunately, what with society and the media, so many bad things for children/youngsters to see and hear about.

Treat yourself to a nice big bar of chocolate today and chill out. :)

Clock

[Crankin]

I am not familiar with the series, but I did read the above posts on the link from Amazon. I want to say, "Here we go again."
Of course, it is not good that kids are obsessed with any book or series and use that as an excuse to not do their work. That's what I think Veronica is saying. I mean, I had kids do that with Harry Potter! I know I am the only living person who hasn't read that series, but I hate fantasy, so I was honest with my students.
I had many YA books in my classroom library that adults objected to. The most censored book in America is The Giver. As one of the best books, I've ever read, that was hard for me to take.
One of the young teens on the Amazon posting said a very astute thing: Adults don't give kids much credit. Most of them understand sexual stuff by the time they are in 5th/6th grade. Some could care less about reading graphic things and others find it has too much of an "eew" factor, so they skip those parts. I don't think reading a book ever caused anyone to go out and have sex. Maybe I am wrong?
If a kid chose a book with "mature" content for independent reading, I told them. And then I said, "What would your parent do, if they found that book in your bag?" Sometimes they put the book back, but most of the time it didn't stop them. I had a few books in the closet that I only let mature 7th graders read. I would recommend them to these kids, usually gifted readers/writers who could handle anything.
In 30 years, I only had one parent object to a book a girl was reading. I had her come in after school and talk to me about it. I told her, that it was up to her as a parent to make a final decision, since it wasn't required reading.. the kids had total choice for their IR books. She decided to read the book with her kid and it was fine. Of course, I had the backing of my boss, who was a former English teacher.
I hate censorship. My own kids read whatever they wanted to; of course, they were good readers and had good emotional intelligence and I knew they could handle it. So far, they haven't turned out to be ax murderers as adults.

[Veronica]

It's the titiillating conversations that my students are having about the Twilight series in class that bother me. I've read bits and pieces of each of the books. I think the material is too mature to be in the classroom. Maybe it's because I've got some boys who are just kind of "icky". They are conversations girls should have when there aren't boys around and definitely not in the middle of math!

I don't like the jealousy issues that are in the books. Werewolves and vampires both liking the same chick. Female vampires lusting after Edward and wondering what he sees in a human.

Today I read part of the last book. Edward leaves Bella with bruises on the first night of their honeymoon. No, it wasn't terribly graphic, but I don't want my ten year old girls thinking that sex is violent. Frankly, I don't want them thinking about sex at all yet. :p

So parents are letting kids read books like this, go to R rated movies and play Grand Theft Auto. But they won't let me take them on a field trip on a research vessel - because it's a boat and they might fall off. Yeah...

Oh and I'm not banning the book.


Veronica

[Selkie]

I'm late to the game here (busy week) but I wanted to say that you are a wonderful teacher and person, Veronica. If you make an impact on one student, you're making a difference. It's a shame that some students take up 90% of your energy (I've found that as a manager---just one POS employee can suck you dry, but you have to still focus on not short changing the good ones).

Crankin - I have not read Harry Potter and I have no interest in doing so. Just not my bag (no offense to those who read and enjoy those books).

By the way, as a 7th grader, I discovered Jacqueline Susanne's books, but they were my "dirty secret." ;) My parents, however, didn't let me or my sister date until we were 16 or even wear make up. I was a "good girl" in terms of my behavior when it came to boys --- I was raised to respect myself in that regard.

[uforgot]

They miss the explanation on how to do things, so then they can't do them or they don't have the basic skills to begin with, because this tuning out the teacher is not new behavior.

Veronica

Hey, you know my Geometry students! And you gotta love how so many people have the answers, starting with the legislators, and they have never even worked in a classroom. I've been teaching 30 years and I have nothing to add to what you already know other than "I understand.".

[Crankin]

I understand exactly what you mean about the conversations.
They won't let the kids go on a research vessel? Oy!!!!

I saw a thing on the news last night about the state of education and the budget crisis in CA. I think you are working under very horrible conditions. One of the things that helps you deal with horrible kids is the support of other adults. People like school counselors, psychologists, special ed teachers. It sounds like you don't have much of that.
You are doing the best you can in a very stressful situation. Don't beat yourself up over it.

[uforgot]

Support from special ed, school counselors and PSYCHOLOGISTS! hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

First of all, special ed is now politically incorrect. It's resource in our school. We don't have aides anymore, they're "paraprofessionals". Our resource teachers have their own set of problems and the paperwork they have to do...unbelievable. Who has time to support each other? The day is full and the only time I touch base with my co-workers is after school. As for psychologists, are there schools that have access to those? I'm curious now. We certainly don't, but we are small.

We are under-funded, under-staffed and making more cuts next year. When the bell rings and the door shuts, believe me, I'm on my own. No one wants to hear from me unless it's really serious.

BUT- guess what, I love my job and my students. Go figure.

[Crankin]

Well, I had access to all of those. I did not work in a rich district, either. Sure, MA has more acronyms than anywhere for all of those services! Here, it's special needs and we have various types of teachers, called various things. Our aides are called assistants or paraprofessionals. I think this started when the word "aides" had other connotations. I don't have an issue with that. When I moved here and was interviewing (I was still a spec. ed. teacher then), someone asked me what my "prototypes" were. I was like, huh? I figured out it just meant what was my caseload...
What I really meant by saying that having access to other adults like I mentioned above, is that the #1 thing that alleviates teacher stress and burnout is collaboration with other adults. I am not saying this as a pie in the sky academic. I taught for 31 years and I know this is true.
One thing that saved me is that I was a middle school teacher for most of those years. Middle school teachers work in teams. We eat together and have a team meeting time together to discuss issues and plan things. Yes, I was very lucky at my last school that this team time was in addition to my prep period. But even when our planning time was the same as our prep time, there was still a brief time we could talk. Elementary and high school teachers are extremely isolated. This leads to a culture of distrust in most places. I have worked in all 3 settings and the differences are quite amazing.
In my last school we shared our school psych. with the HS. But, we had 2 school counselors for 450 kids. Every team had a special ed. (inclusion) teacher and 1-2 assistants. One team was attached to the resource room, with more severely disabled kids. We also had a more separate program for PDD/ behavior disordered kids. A few of those came to my LA classes with a 1:1 assistant. Before that, I worked in a 1-5 school in a different district. We had our own school psych and 2 inclusion teachers, who each worked with 2 grades. Each grade had 2 assistants.
I think this just shows how much schools vary from place to place. I really feel for you all. Just having difficult kids is bad enough, but not having the support to deal with them is not fair.

[Veronica]

Our schools are tremendously underfunded.

We have no resources like that here. I am very lucky to work with two other great teachers at 5th grade. We don't have a common planning time other than our lunch. The three of us all have tough classes this year. Mine is acknolwledged as the worst of the bunch. Well that is until one of the others got a kid expelled from another school in the district. We're constantly perusing each others' test scores and sharing ideas. But I do see that lack of trust at other grade levels in my school. That's one reason why I stick it out at 5th grade.

Our kids only get to see a counselor if it is in their IEP. My resource kids aren't the ones who need the counselors. :rolleyes:

Veronica

[salsabike]

Those resources vary not only state by state and district by district, but even school by school in my district (school psych here). The poorer elementary schools get at least some resources for pre-special ed interventions, like Title I math and reading specialists. The wealthier elementary schools have much less, weirdly. So your fate as a kid in my district depends to some degree on which school you go to. The wealthier elementary schools start pushing to have kids labeled disabled when they're, like, six months below grade level in reading. The poorer schools---I'm at one of those and I love the place---will do their best to give extra help to kids until it becomes clear it's not working and there might be a genuine, serious disability.

The fate of a kid should not depend on caprice like this. It drives me crazy to know that whether a kid is labeled disabled or not will change from school to school in my district. It shouldn't be that way.

My district also decided about a decade ago to have a full time counselor in every elementary school. They have breached that a couple of times, and I worry about what funding cuts will do to that now--but so far, I have the world's most wonderful counselor in my elementary school. I can't imagine the school without her.

[Flybye]

Salsa and Veronica, I can't imagine teaching some of the kids that the teachers in our district teach after I hear their stories. How do we expect kids to come to school ready to learn when they have been molested the night before or had a table thrown at them by a parent that morning? Or the girl that was abandoned by her mother and feels like no one wants her and is contemplating suicide. It is terrible, but I am concerned that the school Counselors will be taken out of the school picture if funding gets cut.
I admire you both for working with so much diversity in a classroom. It is a bigger endeavor than most would be willing to take on!

[Irulan]

salsa bike,Washington has pretty darn good public school funding, especially when compared to CA where Veronica teaches. I moved up here from teh Bay Area when my kids were still in preschool.I remember even then, 20 years ago, there were 30 kids to a class, no art, PE or language, or buses.

Prop 13 really shafted the public schools in CA. Any time anyone brings up property tax freezes up here, I let them know what could really happen.

I was flabbergasted when we moved up here and my kids got attend a brand new elementary school, with buses, PE and art; both GATE and special ed programs, plus a new computer lab; counselor and more. And, 22 kids to the room.

[salsabike]

Irulan, that sounds great. It's definitely not like that in my district, but even so I think my district is in better shape than many. (no 22-kid classrooms, though, that's for sure. My three 1st grades this year have 28-29 kids).

It's a wonder, with the stuff that some of our kids live with, that many of them manage to turn out to be pretty nice kids. In my school we have a band of about 30-40% of families who are in pretty bad shape, and maybe about 10% who are truly non, not dys, but really non functional. We have one kid whose mom has huge mental health and substance abuse problems. She has no fixed address and you can't get her on any phone. She will not talk to CPS. The kid lives with maternal grandma (who drinks) and some other kids. Mom bops in and out of their lives at random. They were living in one of the terrible local motels. Now moved to an actual house. We cannot get grandma to give us either the street address (bus stop is at a corner) or any phone. We can't get either mom or grandma to come to any meetings. They did show up at the winter concert, however, late, and yelled at various people about various things.

I am very worried about how this kid lives and what is going to happen to him. I do not think he's going to be one of the kids I mentioned above, who will come through somehow okay. I don't think he will.

On the other hand, there's the kid from an almost as chaotic home who has kept some of his curiosity about the world and enjoyment and some sweetness to boot. How he does that, I don't know, but it's nice to see.

Sorry. I'll shut up now.

[salsabike]

PS I think states like California and Oregon, that passed big tax cut/control measures, have had their schools absolutely devastated.

[Crankin]

This is sooo upsetting to me. People here complain?? I know that I was extraordinarily lucky in my last job, due to a combination of an outstanding superintendent, aggressive grant funding, and a staff who was absolutely dedicated to meeting the needs of a diverse population. One thing that I think is different is that school districts in MA are generally small. I used to think this was bad, because you could provide less services, but now I think that it helps in financially lean times. The community sometimes rallies and finds a way to fund things.
My parents moved to CA from AZ when my brother was in high school. I had already been teaching a few years. After 6 months, Prop 13 passed. It had a devastating effect on his education. We have the same thing here (Prop 2.5), but I wasn't here when the initial cuts took place. But, that's why there weren't a lot of teachers my age when I got here in 1990. They all had lost their jobs. Then, when I got hired, in a year that 9,000 teachers lost their jobs, the other teachers were so mean to me! It was unreal that adults could act like this. I doubt they wanted to do my job (LD/BD kids). I only stayed in that district 2 years.
It's true, that the educational quality of a system varies from school to school, even within districts. I think that's everywhere. Teaching middle school, I immediately could tell which elementary school each kid had come from. Some emphasized writing (I taught lang. arts) and other kids thought writing meant "cursive." Some kids absolutely did not know how to "think" and explain their ideas, which is what we emphasized. It was not that they weren't capable of it. They had never done anything but fill in the blanks on worksheets.

[Tuckervill]

Is it any wonder why I kept my kids out of school? This thread just makes me feel SO right about that decision! I'm not talking about the teachers; most of whom are doing your absolute best, I'm sure. But all the rest? The troubled kids, with lack of services, the general attitudes? I'm so glad we missed it!

Karen

[Irulan]

From, The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle


To complain is always nonacceptance of what is. It invariably carries a negative charge. When you complain, you make yourself into a victim. When you speak out, you are in your power. So change the situation by taking action or by speaking out out if necessary or possible; leave the sitaution or accept it. All else is madeness.