Facebook politics question

[VeloVT]

I joined Facebook recently. I put it off for a long time because it seemed too much like a popularity club. But I'm mostly liking it, it really is a good way to get/keep in touch with people you don't see often.

But something just rubbed me the wrong way...

I "friended" someone with whom I was best friends in elementary/junior high school (slept over at each other's houses all the time, spent hours on the phone together, hung out at recess and lunch, etc), but haven't seen in maybe 10 years. A week after I friend her (and she approves me), the first thing she writes on my wall is something mean about my parents (she also included the obligatory niceties, "hey, what's up, what have you been doing, how is your family"). It's actually completely true (it's a recollection of an incident that displayed some of the more extreme overbearing, overprotective, controlling behavior they were sometimes prone to), and I probably wouldn't have minded if she'd brought it up over coffee or something. But at 28, I am aware of the fact that my parents have feelings, and I'm not really crazy about public humiliation of them. It's not that I'm embarassed about the post, I"m not, it just seems mean-spirited. To add insult to injury, several years ago (long since we'd lost touch), her mom became very ill with breast cancer, and my mom was a really good friend to her mom, spending time several days a week with her while she was bedridden, cooking meals for her frequently, and when she died, my mom cooked a week's worth of meals (stew, etc) to leave with the daughters who had come home for the funeral.

On the one hand, I could write it off as trying to connect with me by bringing up a shared memory. On the other hand, it just rubs me the wrong way, and I can't figure out if it's intentionally kind of mean or just kind of not very well considered. Can some people who are more socially astute than I am weigh in here? I'm not sure how/if to respond. I sort of feel like it's a mean-girl way of snubbing me, but on the other hand, she waited a week, why not just not post anything and let me be one of those facebook friends you basically ignore?

I can't believe I'm posting this here, sorry for the TMI. It just really bothered me.

Edit: maybe I'm just oversensitive to the "public" aspect of Facebook... A few days ago I wrote, rewrote and ultimately omitted a funny (not mean) anecdote from a message I posted on a friends wall that referenced someone we both know peripherally (and he may come into contact with through work, though not someone who works at the same company as him), because I thought it was remotely possible that this person might be one of his 980 something friends and I wouldn't want an inside joke to come up on his "newsfeed" and be misinterpreted...

[shootingstar]

If your phone account allows it and she has provided you a phone number, phone her.

Otherwise, it doesn't sound like worth the effort for very sudden meanness after several yrs. of no contact.

Sometimes the past is best left...as the past. And that includes friends with whom you've lost touch for several years. (presumably if both of you still close and good pals, you would still be in touch regardless of whether Facebook technology even existed. Or even the Internet for that matter.)

[Flur]

+1 on phoning her if you can.

But regardless, it's YOUR wall she wrote on. If she wrote something on your living room wall in your house and you didn't want it there, you'd take it off, right? If you don't like what she wrote on your wall you can delete it. Your feelings are more important than hers in this case.

[NbyNW]

It sounds like your relationship with your parents has evolved in the many years that you have not been in touch with this friend. I think it would probably be okay to gently bring her up to speed, in whatever way you feel comfortable.

[kermit]

It sounds like she went back to her immature days as a teenager. Its amazing the way friends grow up or don't grow up. Slamming someones parents is no way to get back into touch. I'm sorry that happened. Perhaps she was just trying to be funny, but it was insensative. Two ways to deal with it. Let her know she was out-of-line or ignore her. Whatever feels better for you. You have been out of touch way to long to let it bother you. If thats her first comments after so long then she probably is not going to become a close friend again. Just my 2 cents.

[Biciclista]

delete it!
and then remind her of the good things your mom is done.

[ASammy1]

I agree w/ Biciclista. Ignore and delete her comment but remind her of how generous your mom was when her mother was sick, but do it in a way that's not saying, IN YOUR FACE MEAN GIRL!

[indysteel]

This is one of the many reasons that I'm not on Facebook.

But that aside, I would delete it and tell her why. I would caution against inferring what her intent was or "accusing" her of anything. The truth is you don't know why she wrote what she wrote. It may have been malicious or just thoughtless. Instead, just tell her that, true as the statement may have been, it hurt your feelings and that out of both concern for your parents' feelings and your own, you took the message down. If that ends any further "friendship" via Facebook or otherwise, then so be it. Life's too short.

[Biciclista]

A couple of years ago, a woman sent me some very harsh and inflammatory (creepy) political BS and when i told her it was BS, she sicced her big brother on me. So I wrote her off.
Well, to my surprise she "friended" me on facebook. I wrote to her, suggesting that perhaps she made a mistake or did she forget all that she said.
It took a while, but she finally figured out how to unfriend me. snort.

[Cataboo]

Since we can't actually read the message - When she mentions your parents & whatever they did... is she just pretty much being factual? Or is she actually saying "Your parents were terribly mean, remember when they .... "

If she's being factual - something like "haha, remember how much trouble we got into after your parents caught us sneaking out..." then I'd just chalk it up to her trying to reminisce with you about one of the more memorable incidents or adventures that you got into together...

If it seems like the latter, I think I'd just let it go. Delete it if you like, but if she's actually saying something negative or calling them a name, then you can email her about it after deleting it.

[lph]

Heh - I had an experience similar to Biciclista. Part of my job is issuing (balanced, impartial, well thought-out...) permits for hydropower plants, and we can get stuck in the crossfire between the hydropower companies and local environmental groups. During the hearing process one woman sent me an impassioned plea by email to "save" her local river. But next thing I knew she wanted to friend me on Facebook, to a group dedicated to saving this river...

I had to point out that I could hardly be expected to do my job and be impartial on this case if I were on a list dedicated to the one side's point of view. And that maybe she should look closer at her email list before issuing blanket invitations like that. :p

Facebook brings up strange situations. And it's notoriously hard to judge what people mean from just a stray, written comment.