Roadside memorials-better driving

[shootingstar]

Apparently roadside memorials, to mark the site of people who died in a traffic accident there...slow down drivers abit when they see it.

http://www.cbc.ca/news/yourview/2008/11/roadside_memorials_a_distracti.html

[Velobambina]

The first time I saw roadside memorials was when I was TDY to Greece in the early '90s.

It's nice that folks in the US have started doing them. Heard on the news, however, that some local authorities will remove them.

[Tuckervill]

With utmost sympathy to the people who have had tragic circumstances that lead them to place roadside memorials, I think they eventually become litter, and I think at that time it is time to let it go.

Karen

[badgercat]

I think memorials can be a wonderful part of the grieving/healing process, but I wonder sometimes, if they ever have the opposite effect of people slowing down and trying to figure out who/what the memorial is for (if there's a name on it, for example), and then paying less attention to the road.

Just a tangent... a few weeks ago, my BF and I saw folks gathered on a corner on the opposite side of the road, constructing a memorial on the route my boyfriend bikes between his apartment and campus almost every day... it wasn't until a few days later when I was heading in the other direction that I saw that the memorial was for a cyclist... and this road is the route my BF bikes between his apartment and campus most days of the week. :( It really gave me pause.

[Tuckervill]

There's one on the highway between the town where I live and the town were dh works. It is to remember a disabled man who was shot and killed by state troopers in a case of mistaken identity. The man couldn't respond in the way the the troopers expected, and he was known to walk many miles and come home at night. This time, there was a bank robbery and the culprit vaguely matched the description of this man. Since he didn't respond appropriately, and put his hand in his pocket and wouldn't lie down, he was shot. :( It is a horrible story.

The memorial is updated periodically, and they even mow around it themselves, before the highway department does. I understand the need for those people to never forget, but to insist that we never forget is asking too much. Most people who drive by there don't know what the memorial is for, because it's just crosses and some flowers. We could all memorialize the tragic deaths of our loved ones in a public way, but that is what funerals are for.

That said, I would prefer that the people who put up memorials be allowed to come to the understanding in their own time that time does wash away memories, and the entire community doesn't have to be reminded. No one wants to be forgotten, but eventually we all are.

Karen

[carpaltunnel]

No one wants to be forgotten, but eventually we all are.

Good point. I see roadside memorials around town that appear to be renewed year after year by someone.

I also see decals in the back windows of cars driven by teens, in this format..."In loving memory of X 19xx-19xx" Some auto detailing shop is making money off those kids.

[Zen]

I also see decals in the back windows of cars driven by teens, in this format..."In loving memory of X 19xx-19xx" Some auto detailing shop is making money off those kids.

Those are decals (DIY) and I find them strange.
I wouldn't mind the memorials so much if they were tasteful and simple (many are) but too often there are mylar balloons and other knick-knacks involved.

[carpaltunnel]

find them strange

I agree. I'm certainly no expert, but I wonder if those things short circuit the healing process, and teach people to practice grieving. I'm thinking of a man who worked for my father. I knew him all my life, as he was also a shirt-tail relative. He lost his wife young and was so sad, but spent the rest of his life alone and grieving, and everyone (Family and small town) just kind of helped him stay in that role. I'm probably not expressing this very well, but do you know what I mean?

[badger]

I've also heard that memorials tend to distract drivers and may pose a risk for them to get in accidents themselves.

[bmccasland]

Yeah, but I had trouble driving past one on the Beeline highway for a DPS officer I used to work with who was killed in the line of duty. (The "beeline" is a particular highway in AZ that's the escape route for people from Phoenix to get to the cool mountains.) For a while I wouldn't even drive that road.

[Aggie_Ama]

I put very little thought into them myself. In Texas there are small white crosses for a death. Usually they are not very flashy but sometimes they do become tacky grounds for litter that was once part of the memorial. I tend to agree they often become eyesores.

My own mother has a view of graves, she has never been to her father's grave except to show me once and he died in 1982. She says "I said everything to him in life that needed to be said and miss him terribly but I have nothing to say to a stone. No regrets, no need to see him, he isn't there to me." She feels cemetaries are weird and constant visiting just born from regret. I am not criticizing anyone who does but I agree with her. I have been to the graves of some of the closest people I have lost graves once after the funerals. Honestly I felt nothing, not sad, not reflective so I guess I don't get memorials either.

I want to be cremated because I watched graves being moved to make a new highway. At least if you aren't buried you cannot be disturbed. :rolleyes: