Its over . . . now I am riding solo

[Blue_Wildflower]

Hello everyone. I am new to the forum and new to cycling. In May of this year, I rode my now ex-boyfriend's mountain bike. It was the first time I rode in 20 years (I'm 30). I fell in love with riding immediately. In August, I came down with a hip stress fracture and had to give up running. Cycling has become my only sport. I love commuting to work and hitting the trails. However, all of this was done with him. He was suppose to show me how change a tire. He purchased the bike.

Yesterday, was the first day I rode alone. Yes, I rode alone before. But this was the first time I rode knowing tomorrow and next week I would ride alone again. We planned many trips that I can continue to plan without him.

I stated looking for riding partners yesterday. Will definitely continue to ride because I love to do it. I do not drive. My hybrid bike my first mechanical instrument. I know the local bike shops teach maintenance classes.

Sorry for the rambling. I am thankful for this site. Its been very helpful. For those that were introduced to riding my a ex-significant other, how did you go forward?

[Mr. Bloom]

I don't qualify as one with an ex-Signficant Other, but I'd encourage you to:
- look into local club ride opportunities
- check out www.bikeleague.org for Road I cycling classes in your area (where you can learn basic mechanics and road safety instruction
- don't be afraid to say "hi" to someone you pass on the road.

Silver and I also have made wonderful friend through the local triathlon club. I'm not a triathlete, but I go along for the rides just because they're such great folks. Silver took up riding because of marathon induced stress fractures, but she still can do tri's.

I wish you a great transition and affirm you for not letting a relationship issue rob you of something you love doing.:)

[Grog]

Hi there Blue Wildflower and welcome to TE!

I am sorry to hear about your loss but you sound like you have a great attitude and I'm sure you'll become a spectacular rider on your own.

I got into road cycling after seeing my ex-boyfriend's parents ride thousands of kilometers every year and go on week-long tours and things like that. The ex-boy was more of a mountain biking type, but he did encourage me to ride, although most of the time I was on my own or with a group. Two months or so after I got my road bike we split up in rather unpleasant circumstances that were not desired by me at all, and cycling became my lifeline for the next few months.

My next boyfriend, and now husband, rides upwards of 10,000 km a year. We don't ride together more than a few hundred of those a year for practical reasons, but it's definitely a thing that brought us together from the start.

Good luck and I look forward to reading more from you on TE!

[uforgot]

Good for you for planning those trips anyway! There is nothing wrong with going it alone. I have an ex, but he certainly was not interested in biking, nor are my friends, but I have made friends from the rides I do and from this forum. Just think, bike when you want, go where you want, stop when you want. While it may not be as appealing as you think, there are certainly positives and negatives to both situations. Biking also gives you a "happy" boost which will help you feel better about the things you are going through now.

I second Mr. Silver's checking into local bike clubs. Also check the states around you. An overnight trip for a bike ride with different scenery is fun. Take your camera. Make this all about YOU!

[shootingstar]

Ride with your heart open..and enjoy the journey in life..regardless of whether you are riding alone or with a loved one.

I have been with my partner for over last 16 yrs. now. He did help me return to cycling though before I met him, I was already primed to return to cycling. He goes on long solo cycling trips without me because I haven't retired yet.

There was a point where he and I lived apart for over 2 years, because he was forced to relocate thousands of kms. away by his employer to keep his job for 2 yrs. (or be let go and give up a pension he built up for 30 yrs. for a company) and I made a decision for my career to stay in longer where I was for awhile...before making the big move to west coast to join him.

So I rode solo for 2+ yrs. No group rides, etc. He was never far away because of cycling. I know now that I will cycle for the rest of my life as long as I can...regardless of where I would be in life... because it's part of me now...it's like breathing well. My life journey needs cycling.

[chicago]

awww... you will be okay :) it will be okay.

you are SO young and have a full life ahead you. There are many good guys out there yet to find :)

I did most things alone most of my life because I'm pretty picky when it comes to men ;)... but still seemed to pick some jerks!... and ended up riding alone anyway cause they weren't good partners.

Last year around this time... I met a great guy one day cycling... and I'm still dating him. He's the best boyfriend ever. Took for 45 years to find a good one... but that's because I never settled and riding alone is better than riding with the wrong partner.

So hang in there... enjoy your rides, enjoy your life... enjoy you!! Plan a bike tour... it's a blast.. there's a ton of single people who do them. ... and get involved in a bike club... you will meets of peeps... I did :)

[Trek420]

For those that were introduced to riding my a ex-significant other, how did you go forward?

Welcome to TE. Yours is like the $0.50 tour of my recent life the last few years. ;) Cycling seems like such an individual sport, just get on the bike and ride, right? But it's a team sport even on just a couple level; cooking the recovery meal, getting the bike on the roof (I'm 5' nuthin) ... so when my DPITA dumped me it was a loss and very hard to keep riding.

But I did.

Keep reading and posting here, the support is great and what I've learned here enabled me to ride further and better. Find a club, if there is a cause you care deeply about train for and do a charity ride (my DPITA didn't think I could do the AIDS ride, I did 4 of 'em :cool: so there, take that. Neener neener neener brphttttpt :p ;))

You don't say where you are one of the great things about this board is some of us actually get out and ride together.

That's what I figured at the time; I'm just going to get out there and ride, while doing so I meet new people, maybe some of them will be single :rolleyes:, but that's not the point I'm doing good on a charity ride so I'll meet people who care about issues that I do. One thing I find is people get into cycling for a number of reasons; fitness, save a buck on gas, the challenge ... but you stay for the people and the food :p

Enjoy the new community, ride your bike and be fabulous. Somewhere out there when you least expect it and are not even looking is the biker dude for you. Meanwhile, just get out there and ride. There's lots of bike legs to oggle too so keep riding . :cool:

[makbike]

My ex encouraged me to ride and ride I did. When we parted ways last year I knew I would continue to ride for it was a great way to work off negative thoughts/energy. More importantly it had become a passion and one I refused to ditch because things did not work out between us. And ride I did and I continue to ride. I've met a lot of great people and have made some life long friends because I did not walk away from the club when we parted ways. Continue to ride, explore all your possibilities club rides, solo rides, classes, etc. You never know when that person who is truly meant to be with you will enter your life.

[indigoiis]

Hey there, welcome to TE!
I often ride alone, and I'm married! ;) I am always looking for gals to ride with. Like Mr. Silver said, join a local cycling club - you will meet lots of folks.

[Zen]

Just get out there and ride, ride LOTS. You'll soon discover how empowering it can be.
If yo live close enough to your bike shop get to know the (usually) guys that work there. maybe someone will be patient enough to give you a mini-clinic one day.
You never know who's gonna walk through the door at the bike shop.

[Mr. Bloom]

One more thing...we don't know what hemishere you're in, but if winter is coming upon you, get into a cycling/spin class at the local health club.

[uforgot]

awww... you will be okay :) riding alone is better than riding with the wrong partner.



What a great quote! It's so true.

[cattygrrl]

Hey, MAKBIKE, did you meet the new BF on a bike, also? I've seen you make a couple references to him.

In any case, glad you found someone!

[uforgot]

Hey, MAKBIKE, did you meet the new BF on a bike, also? I've seen you make a couple references to him.

In any case, glad you found someone!

I didn't notice. There HAVE been references. Blue_Wildflower, take note. Makbike was in your shoes not too long ago. Listen to her, there is light at the end of the tunnel.

[fastdogs]

I ride alone all the time. I have a wonderful husband, but as far as he's concerned- if it's nice enough to ride, it's nice enough to play golf. So he's willing to keep an eye on our son so I can ride, but I'm still alone. But I first started riding alone anyway. It is certainly nice when I do have someone to ride with, and there are groups that meet to ride around here, I just don't at this time consider myself good enough to keep up, and I don't want to hold people back.
The advantage to riding by yourself is you can do it whenever it's convenient to you, you don't need to schedule anything.
vickie

[Zen]

There are many good guys out there yet to find :)
Where? I'm still looking...


I did most things alone most of my life because I'm pretty picky when it comes to men ;)... but still seemed to pick some jerks!... This sounds so familiar!



... riding alone is better than riding with the wrong partner.
An all-round aphorism if there ever was one

[Trek420]

The advantage to riding by yourself is you can do it whenever it's convenient to you, you don't need to schedule anything.
vickie

And so it's time to revisit a thread I started back in the day when I was single:

http://forums.teamestrogen.com/showthread.php?t=2534

[BleeckerSt_Girl]

Biking does not have to be connected to finding romance....biking is a wonderful thing in itself, no matter whether you ride alone, with a pal, or with a significant other. Biking is just plain GOOD no matter how you do it. :p
Bike because it is healthy and makes you feel good both physically and spiritually. Bike for you, and life will be better in many unexpected ways. :)

[SouthernBelle]

Next nice day off stick some food, drink and a good book in your backpack and head out on a ride in a direction you've never been before. Stop if you get tired or hungry or see something neat. Take a nap under a tree. Sing like an idiot. Practice riding hands-free. Whistle at a cute guy. Go fast. Go slow.

[cattygrrl]

Biking does not have to be connected to finding romance....biking is a wonderful thing in itself, no matter whether you ride alone, with a pal, or with a significant other. Biking is just plain GOOD no matter how you do it. :p
Bike because it is healthy and makes you feel good both physically and spiritually. Bike for you, and life will be better in many unexpected ways. :)

Very good points from BleeckerSt_Girl! If, somehow, you find a new s/o while doing something you both enjoy, though, it seems even better!

[jesvetmed]

Southern Belle: I LOVE how you think!:D This is my nature -- it's why I don't get much accomplished on my days off!

Blue: Welcome, and sorry about your new status as "single". But, you will soon find that you'll be just fine. You'll actually be better. Keep riding, be selfish.... And everyone is right -- this is a great group full of encouragement, kind words and advice. And sometimes just good for a roll-on-the-floor-laugh.

[gingerale]

I'm sorry. I ride alone, too, even though I'm married. DH is a runner with no desire to ride with me. But for me, I know it's different because I have dh and 2 kiddos so that alone time on my bike is precious to me. LOL!

I wish you many fun, beautiful rides ahead and I hope you find a new riding partner very soon.

[SouthernBelle]

I'm not always lazy. :p I've spent much of today picking walnuts up in the back yard. Dayum there's a lot

[Flur]

Back in the day I met a runner. He was a marathoner - when he said he was going to run to the corner and back, he meant the corner of town, not the street! After we moved in together I started to get into running. When we split, I was lost. But I kept running. I ran when I missed him. I ran when I had nothing to do. I ran to fill the void in my life. I don't know what I would have done with myself without running. I never did turn into a distance runner, and I no longer run (knee issues) but it served it's purpose in my life.

Now I'm married and in theory I have someone to do everything with, but I still do a lot of stuff on my own. DH rides a fixie so going out for a ride means different things to us. Regardless of the fact that DH loves to ride, I still consider riding MY thing, the thing that I do for myself because I love it. And I love riding on my own because I can decide where I want to go, how fast I want to go, etc. Once you make something your own, it doesn't really matter who you do it with.

[shootingstar]

Good that there are posters here with stories who are married/coupled, but ride alone or not with partner who's interested in other stuff.

I think what keeps he and I from losing our patience with one another if ie. a) he has to stop to wait for me because I'm slower or b) he goes off on cycling trips by himself...

is one remind ourselves this:

It's RARE that a couple will both love cycling so much and will each cycle lots. Shared and active cycling passion, is NOT the norm at all among most couples. It would be nice if it was, but it isn't.

He and I consider ourselves our mutual love to cycle after all these years, just a real blessing, icing on the cake.

So for myself, would I reject a guy if he didn't cycle? No. But minimally I would want him in terms of lifestyle and health, to care and consciously do some healthy activities outside of me, even if it wasn't cycling.

[makbike]

Hey, MAKBIKE, did you meet the new BF on a bike, also? I've seen you make a couple references to him.

In any case, glad you found someone!

No actually we met online. He was a cyclist years ago and now is itching to return to the bike. He has a bike picked out and hopefully he will return to riding within the month. I'm looking forward to sharing some of my favorite roads with him and offering words of encouragement. He has been very supportive of my quest to ride 30 centuries this season. He is a great guy and I'm feeling pretty darned blessed. Life is good, very good!

[Tokie]

I started riding as a hobby when I got divorced and was able to move to the same town where I work instead of spending 1.5 hrs a day commuting. I rode by myself alot. finally a girl from work who knew what she was doing told me about lycra bike shorts. Later that year, she told me about a local "metric century" ride - I finally trained up to doing 30 mile rides (by myself still!). I did the whole ride and cried so hard going up the climb to the finish that I almost couldn't breathe. It was a rite of passage for me to becoming whole after my divorce, such a huge accomplishment doing that metric century all on my own! Later that year I did a 3 day ride for the Lung Association and met a great friend there, through whom I eventually met my husband! (of course, he dated her first when we both met him on a ride, but that's another story!) I recommend joining cycling clubs and charitable rides (MS, American Lung,Leukemia,etc). Cycling is a very social sport once you get into it. I dated 2 cyclists I met just by saying "hi" and smiling as I rode by! And my best girlfriends are women I've met through cycling too! The people at your local bike shops may be able to recommend a group in your area that has a regular weekly ride that would match your skills and interests. Hang in there! I'm glad you're planning on moving forward with your love of cycling - that's good place to start! tokie

[Crankin]

I guess that I'm unusual in that my husband and I ride together. It didn't start that way, but he was unbelievably patient with me and before I knew it, he slowed down a bit and I got a bit faster. I still ride alone for short week day rides and so does he (commuting mostly). I ride with a friend once in awhile and do group rides, but not so much anymore on the group rides because the lack of riding etiquette gets to me.
I know I would continue riding if my husband wasn't here, but I don't apologize for wanting to be with him most of the time. Life is too short and I feel unbelievably lucky to have a spouse that i would rather be with than anyone else.

[tennisgirl43]

I ride with my husband sometimes, and sometimes with friends, and yesterday with my son and daughter-in-law, but I have to admit that the more I ride, the more I find I enjoy riding alone the most. I love to be able to go my speed, stop and enjoy the scenery (and take pics!) when I want to, and just, well, be with ME for a while.

I never really thought I'd like riding alone so much, but it's become something I look forward to immensely and do a few times a week.

Right now, for you, cycling is connected with memories of your ex-boyfriend. The more you cycle, the more these memories will fade and it will become YOUR sport.

I second the idea of finding riding clubs in your area, and also suggested checking on Meetup.com. I've met some neat people from Atlanta through a group on there. The cool thing I find about cycling is that almost everyone you meet is super friendly. I've played tennis for years, and run, etc., but I've never met a nicer group of people than the cyclists I've met!

Good luck!

[chicago]

Very good points from BleeckerSt_Girl! If, somehow, you find a new s/o while doing something you both enjoy, though, it seems even better!

If I were to do it all over again, I would not waste the time I did dating guys who did not like the same things I did. My current boyfriend is a blessing. We love so much of the same things, and it's great. We both love to run, bike, go to the gym, etc, etc...and we are both so open to trying any new sport. It's so much nicer having a boyfriend who hangs with you... at least that's my feelings. I just told my Mom the other day "I think Jimmy is the first guy I dated that actually likes hanging with me", LOL!! Sad that at 45yo I finally figured out what's important in a guy and what makes a relationship fun :D

That's just my .02:p

[Blue_Wildflower]

Everyone, thank you for the kind responses. I apologize for just now replying, I do not have the Internet at home (trying to live a simple life at home away from technology).

I am going on a bike ride this Sunday . . . solo. Will pack my bike trunk with my favorite goodies, bring a book, some music, and hit the road.

I will follow through with my plan to bike the W & OD trail to Purceville and stay in a B&B Thanksgiving weekend.

I will stay single for awhile. Just ride, study, and enjoy life.

Trek 420, thanks for the link to your thread.