Am I too sensitive

[Iris616]

Looking for other opinions:

I work in a small office of 6. 3 of my coworkers are men in their early 20's. We work as a nursing staffing agency primarily.Today these 3 have decided to have a competition with each other. The winner gets to take the "best looking nurse" to lunch. The loser has to take the woman that they deem to be "the ugliest" (their terms are much more degrading).

I am new to the office, and generally have a decent rapport with these 3. Today I found their conversation to be quite offensive. Ie: rating women from 1-10. So I stuck my head out of the office and told them that their betting wasn't cool. Basically, I told them to throw a $20 on the table because women are not objects or prizes for them. They shut up, but I suspect they just continued the conversation via texting.

A few pieces of added info: The manager of the office is one of the 3 involved, so I can't go to him. I was the only other person in the office at the time of the conversation, so no one else heard it.

So, did I over react? Or not react strongly enough?

[Veronica]

I'd find out who they think is the best looking and the ugliest. Then when it's time for that lunch date, the chicks can tell them,''I wouldn't go out with you on a bet." :p

V.

[Irulan]

ick, sounds like harassment and creating an uncomfortable work environment to me. I'm sure the HR dept might have something to say.

[Katie.Marie]

I agree...that cant be "okay" with company policy. But I do think you handle it well! You stood up for yourself and other.

[Zen]

ick, sounds like harassment and creating an uncomfortable work environment to me. I'm sure the HR dept might have something to say.

Agreed.
That's not much of a manager.
and I think you did quite well!

[KSH]

WOW! That's horrible. And honestly, I think it probably breaks some laws. I can't imagine how that wouldn't be seen as sexual harrassment in the work place.

I bet your HR department would not approve of that kind of betting going on in the office.

Horrible. Really horrible.

[arielmoon]

Totally uncool, unprofessional and uncalled for.

[Tri Girl]

I'm appalled for you. It's reprehensible behavior, and I don't think you're being too sensitive at all. It's just plain wrong...
You handled it well, and I'm thinking you should report it to HR (although I'm wondering if they may deny it since you were the only one that overheard it and one of the players was your manager). I like what someone said as finding out who the nurses are they have "rated" and let them know. If they knew they were being rated, they would surely not be OK with it.

[Flybye]

I think I'd still go to the manager - he is, after all, only human. We all make errors and when we are corrected with love and grace, it grows us into stronger humans. I think it would help him to know that if word ever gets back to the woman who is deemed "ugliest" that she was a date only on a lost bet, that it would have long lasting effects on her and ask him if he wants to be associated having done that to another person. He has an opportunity to lay a mistake out on the table, admit it, and let others learn from it.
I'll be willing to bet that his conscience is already nagging him about it.
I really would not go to HR. Give him the opportunity to step up and be a man.
If he doesn't, then I'd consider HR.

[chakra]

Hi,

I don't think you are being too sensitive - it is great that you stood up for yourself.

I'm wondering where you would like to go from here. . . for instance, what is your rapport like with the women in the office? How are they responding to all this? Could you speak with them, and then could all three of you let the males know you don't appreciate it?

Could you let them know that you (the women) would turn down the free meal thanks, and are not interested in participating? (I'm presupposing here that the other two women in your office will agree with you).

If you think this kind of honest talk wouldn't fly (males in early 20s and all) I wonder if you could keep it light and do a similar competition amongst yourselves? Give them a taste of their own medicine?

My caution with this second option is that it would end up eroding the work atmosphere. . .

You could always let the guys know that if they want to play this game with the other two, fine - but you are opting out. If you say it very pleasantly, you can make your position clear without them or you losing face. (This is so they don't label you a sore loser whom they wouldn't choose anyway *sigh* :( )

The idea is that you make clear that for YOU this is not a fun game, without pointing fingers at THEM and their idiocy. That way they'll either carry on without you, or they'll realize it was a dumb idea.

I hope that helps some - it is lovely that you stood right up and let them know you didn't like it!

Chakra

[Iris616]

Thanks every one for your support!

As I was leaving the office today, the 3 of them came in to talk to me. They apologized for their rudeness and disrespectful attitudes. They assured me it will not happen again.

I thanked them for the maturity to apologize. For now I consider the issue resolved. I have already spoken to the DM about getting some sensitivity training for the office, because it's needed on many levels. So I'll follow up with that on Monday

As for the other 2 women in my office: One is in her 50's and is quite rude. I often have to say things like "let's clean it up a little." to her.

The other one is in her early 20's and doesn't tend to handle things effectively.

Thanks again for the suggestions and support.

[Melalvai]

Wow, sounds like you handled the situation really well AND got a positive outcome. You said the men are all young--sometimes young people need to learn a little professionalism. Men and women alike. I certainly did when I was that age.

I probably still do.

[BleeckerSt_Girl]

Wow, sounds like you handled the situation really well AND got a positive outcome. You said the men are all young--sometimes young people need to learn a little professionalism. Men and women alike. I certainly did when I was that age.



I agree. :) I also think it's great that the young men apologized. You really gave them something to think about and I'm sure it will be a good growing experience for them.

[crazycanuck]

Are you sure theý weren't just joking around?

Who cares if they continued behind your back? It's thier game, let them play it.

I work in an office w younger, male(and female) Env Scientists & can tell you the stuff they/we get up to would make your eyes roll/water :rolleyes:

I think the work env up in the US/Canuckland is a wee bit anal.. I hate the namsy pamsy PC brigade that ruins the fun in the office :mad: (I'm not saying this refers to your office!)

Then again, i'm part of the younger generation.

[Mr. Bloom]

First, I can't condone what they did.

You handled it well and it sounds like your response made them more understanding as well. An antagonistic response or going straight to HR and reporting them would likely have made them less sensitive and more bitter.

I really really like what Flybye said.

There's a line in Schindler's List that I particularly like...it goes something like this:
"Real power is having the ability to do something (go to HR) and choosing not to actually do it"

[Tuckervill]

I think you did the right thing. Not over-reacting at all. And Veronica had the right idea!

They're still acting like they're in college. It won't fly. Better they learn it sooner rather than lawsuit.

Karen


Looking for other opinions:

I work in a small office of 6. 3 of my coworkers are men in their early 20's. We work as a nursing staffing agency primarily.Today these 3 have decided to have a competition with each other. The winner gets to take the "best looking nurse" to lunch. The loser has to take the woman that they deem to be "the ugliest" (their terms are much more degrading).

I am new to the office, and generally have a decent rapport with these 3. Today I found their conversation to be quite offensive. Ie: rating women from 1-10. So I stuck my head out of the office and told them that their betting wasn't cool. Basically, I told them to throw a $20 on the table because women are not objects or prizes for them. They shut up, but I suspect they just continued the conversation via texting.

A few pieces of added info: The manager of the office is one of the 3 involved, so I can't go to him. I was the only other person in the office at the time of the conversation, so no one else heard it.

So, did I over react? Or not react strongly enough?

[Tri Girl]

I'm glad he came to talk to you about it, and that's it's resolved. I agree with Karen- "better sooner than lawsuit."

[shootingstar]

I'm glad the young men apologized to you.

Then all of you can just move forward. And that's a great thought..for the future.