grief takes a physical toll

[redrhodie]

My 17 year old kitty Julio passed away Sat. He had a stroke last Wed, and the last few days of his life were pretty intense as he fought like a boxer in an all out brawl. After he slipped into a coma, I decided it was time for him to stop fighting. He was the most beautiful, funny, delightfully terrible being I've ever known, and he made every day joyous for me. Anyone who has ever had a gray kitty will understand this, he was a piece of work.

The past couple of days I felt okay, but today it's hit me hard that he's gone. I'm absolutely wiped out. I have no energy. I feel too weak to ride, and an all over achiness. I'm probably a little dehydrated from crying, so that's probably part of it.

I'm going to attempt to go to Pilates class this afternoon, and hope that helps me feel better. I know only time will help, but I don't want to let this get me too much. He hated to see me sad. He took as good care of me as I did of him. He gave me a really good life.

[Zen]

I am so sorry, I can feel your pain from here.
Julio had a good, long kitty life with you.
Don't push yourself to go out, the grief will subside but the good memories are forever.

[teawoman]

Aww...sorry about your kitty.

And grief is *exhausting*.:( Be kind to yourself and do what you can. It does take awhile.

<--likes the gray ones too :)

[Pedal Wench]

So sorry. Losing a kitty is never easy.

I would listen to your body, and give it time to heal. So sorry.

[LBTC]

RR - I'm so sorry for your loss. I've asked my special fur babies at the rainbow bridge to welcome him and show him around.

Please let yourself grieve. It's so very important to give yourself time to get through this. Sure, he loved to see you happy, but he wouldn't want you to hurt yourself just to please him. Pretending that we're not hurting from grief and just "getting on with life" can hurt as much as getting back in the saddle and training hard can when we aren't well enough healed from an injury, or well enough recovered from over training.

Spend time remembering him, give yourself over to the tears, find a wonderful way to memorialize him. At some point you will feel that lump in your throat turn into a warm spot in your heart and you'll laugh when you think of him again. It's different for everyone so don't try to rush through it.

And think of butterflies. I'm sending you lots of wonderful ones to calm your heart, heal your body, and soothe your mind.

Hugs, too,
~T~

[Veronica]

Losing someone you love hurts. Pets are someone in my world. :) It takes time to get through the hurt. It's an emotional injury and it's okay to feel miserable.

V.

[mimitabby]

sorry you lost your kitty. That's one of the worst things about cats. They just don't have a long enough life span!

[Blueberry]

Oh I'm so sorry to hear about your dear kitty:( Sometimes it just doesn't seem fair that they have to leave us so soon. Be gentle with yourself, and one day the grief will begin to fade and leave behind the happy memories. Until then, take care. V is right - it really is OK to let yourself feel miserable for a while.

Hugs,

CA

[han-grrl]

I am so sorry. the women here are completely understanding. Last year when my cat passed away, they were so very comforting. it was nice knowing i wasn't alone. lots of love.

[sbctwin]

{{{{{redrhodie}}}}} Sorry to hear of Julio's going to rainbow bridge. Kallie, Katrina and Toby (my furbabies) will welcome him....

[OakLeaf]

((((((((redrhodie))))))))

So sorry for your loss. Take good care.

[makbike]

Redrhodie, I'm so sorry about Julio. You and he were so blessed to be able to spend 17 years together. I know this is a very painful period - cry your tears, cherish your memories and know Julio will always be with you for he is in your heart. Take care of yourself!


Lend Me a Kitten

I will lend to you for a while a kitten, God said.
For you to love while he lives, and mourn when he is dead.
Maybe for twelve or fourteen years, or maybe two or three.
But will you, 'til I call him back, take care of him for me?

He will bring you his charms to gladden you and, should his
stay be brief, you will always have his memories as solace for your grief.

I cannot promise he will stay, since all from earth return.
But there are lessons taught below I want this kitten to learn.

I have looked the whole world over in search of teacher's true.
And from the folk that crowd life's land, I have chosen you.

Now will you give him all your love, nor think the labor vain?
Nor hate me when I come to take my kitten home again?

My heart replied, "My Lord, Thy Will Be Done"
For all the joys this kitten brings the risk of grief I will run.
We will shelter him with tenderness, we will love him while we may
And for the happiness we have known, forever grateful stay.

But should you call him back much sooner than we planned.
We will brave the bitter grief that comes, and try to understand.
If, by our love we have managed your wishes to achieve,
Then in memory of him who we loved, please help us while we grieve.

When our cherished kitten departs this world of strife,
Please send yet another needing soul for us to love all their life.

- Author Unknown -
Adapted from 'Thy Will Be Done' by Edgar Guest

[Veronica]

Stop making me get teary makbike. :)

We lost our little Tilda cat in Nov. She was the last of our first three pets as adults. The house was so empty. We ended up getting two kittens just a few weeks later. They definitely brought smiles back to our faces. And we continue to delight in their dweeby, dorky, cute kitten ways. They are filling in their own places in our hearts. But not a day goes by that I don't think of Bozo, Greta and Tilda. I wish I could have them all with me to love.

V.

[solobiker]

I am so sorry for your loss. My thoughts are with you. My little girl is getting up there in age, she is a Shih Tzu that just turned 11 and I can't imagine losing her. Once again I am so sorry for your loss.

[han-grrl]

makbike - did you send that to me too last year? i remember reading that and i read it to my husband...

so lovely.

[maillotpois]

Big hug to you RR. Julio was a lucky boy to have you - and you him!

[makbike]

Han-grll, I probably did. I love this poem. I tell all my buddies I hope each of them came with a LONG term loan. My favorite book is All God's Creature Go To Heaven- absolutely wonderful and helpful.

[redrhodie]

Thank you all so much for the warm replies, hugs, butterflies, and to makbike for the beautiful poem. They are ours for such a short time. I was really lucky to have him for so long. He was an absolute monster, and I loved every minute we had together, and treated every day like it was our last. For that, I'm really thankful.

I will give in to the sad. My other kitty is also having a health issue, so that's also exhausting to deal with this week, so I have the right to feel bad. She's 16, her problem is treatable, and other than this one thing, she's in great shape. Still, she lost her best friend, and I'm sure she feels as bad as dbf and I do.

Once she's better, I'm going to start looking for a new kitty to adopt. We would love to get a kitten, but the vet says we should get an older cat. If anyone has brought a kitten into an older cat's home, I'd like to hear about how it went. I'd love to go through the kitten torture period again (I'm a glutton for punishment) but if it really will be that bad for Trixie, I won't do it. She comes first.

[LBTC]

RR - I agree that a new feline in your home will be helpful to you and to Trixie. At her age, I also agree that a full grown, or at least an older kitten (like 4 months old or so) is a better idea. I think it depends entirely on Trixie's charactern whether she'd like a boisterous and untrained full on kitten as a playmate or not. Any chance she can meet some kitties and choose for herself? We used to let Ted do that. He wasn't good with young kittens - we had to bring several back - but did fine with one that we guessed was 4 months old. They ended up being pretty good buddies, actually.

It's tough to be thinking of a new critter to love so soon after a loss, but we've been there before, prompted by the depression of a surviving fur kid, and I wouldn't change it for anything.

Trust in the butterflies and the universe. Trixie will pull through - you can be sad this week together - and you'll both start feeling better soon. And just the right buddy for her will be at exactly the right place at exactly the right time.

Hugs and lots of butterflies,
~T~

[bmccasland]

RR - first BIG HUGS for the loss of your fur baby. Many TE fur babies will be at the Rainbow Bridge to meet him.

I adopted a young cat last winter, she wasn't quite a year old, a few months after my ailing older cat Erin died. New kitty, Calypso, pretty much leaves one of my cats alone, and focuses all her attention on my other cat. Interestingly, the cat she leaves alone was best buds with Erin. I guess Herald isn't ready to love another cat again. Meanwhile my other cat, Bonnie, is not entirely happy with the new attention from an energetic bundle of fur that outweighs her. Although after 6 months, they can be next to each other peacefully. I haven't caught Bonnie or Herald in the act of grooming Calypso yet. Bonnie does come to groom Herald on occasion - I think Herald is still in mourning.

So, short answer - current fur kids will work out whether or not they accept a new kid in the house. Just make sure you give your older kitties lots of love and attention. It might be easier adopting an adult cat, especially if that cat has been in a home with other cats.

[redrhodie]

Thanks, Beth. I think she'd react similarly to your cats--standoffish at best. I'm now leaning away from getting a new kitty right away. I'm getting the sense she's not lonely for another cat. She has been extra affectionate to me, so that's been the good thing this week. A new personality to deal with may be too much for her just yet. We'll see how she's doing in a month or so.

As for me....I went for a ride last night, and it felt really good. I'm taking today off to recover some more.