How to deal with a petty boss? (Long post, sorry!)

[Fujichants]

I started a part-time assistant job at a small home office/business a few months ago because I am continuing my education and would still like to make an extra buck while attending classes. Everything was fine at first, until my male boss decided to bring his mistress into the house and my female boss (his wife) completely flipped out and kicked him out. They have been married for 2 years, both their previous spouses deceased. After threatening with a divorce and retaining one of the most priciest divorce lawyers in town, my female boss decided to forgive him and let him come back to run the company.

Anyways, to make a long story short, the guy now thinks I betrayed him by staying with the wife (she is the one with the money, and she is the one writing my check, so yes, of course I am going to stick around with her instead of a cheater), and now he is doing anything to make my life hell at work and to sabotage me. I have been accused of stealing his driver's license, his credit cards, coming late without calling in (even though I did call in and let everybody know) and he made me pick up his dry cleaning and get his watch fixed, and then went into a hissy fit because he didn't give me permission to leave when I went to run his errands. He also talks really loud about me and complains about me, even though I have done nothing wrong. Plus, he now has the assumption that I want to take over his business (which, really, I don't). The wife of course doesn't believe him, but she doesn't stick up for me either.

I am sick of it, and I just want to tell them: F you, i'm out of here! But this is not the mature way to deal with it. And I like making some money because I still want to be able to shop at my LBS! I think the only solution here is to look for another part-time job, but so far, other jobs i've interviewed for do not offer the flexibility this crap job offers.

What to do? And sorry for making this post so long!

[bmccasland]

Does Boss Lady know about these antics? Will she do anything about it?

Is his behavior running customers off? Sometimes behavior towards staff doesn't get much sympathy or empathy from the boss, but if they're being hit on the bottom line that might prompt action.

If his being a jerk persists - I'd find another job.

[Fujichants]

Does Boss Lady know about these antics? Will she do anything about it?

Is his behavior running customers off? Sometimes behavior towards staff doesn't get much sympathy or empathy from the boss, but if they're being hit on the bottom line that might prompt action.

Yup, boss lady knows about his antics and tells me to ignore them and give him his time to shine. In my opinion, she is afraid of losing him and will do anything to keep him there. I feel like I involuntarily got dragged into their little battle against one another.

His behavior is making his long time customers frustrated. I have received several calls now from loyal clients who are asking what is wrong with him, and if he continues his behavior, they'll stop buying the company's products. Sales is already down to nothing.

These people just aren't professional! I can't wait to find something new.

[Flybye]

What do you think would happen if you wrote down all of the incidents that you have been accused of and made a copy for both him and her. You might sit down with both of them and the list and tell them that you do not appreciate the way that you are being treated, that you don't want to be caught in the middle, and that you do not want to hear their personal business. Also that you aren't on anyone's side. Offer to support them in any way possible as far as the business goes.

Personally I'd rather have a different job that I can come home and not bring the stress and baggage with me, says the Social Worker with really messed up clients who generally prefer to make decisions that decrease their quality of living and make her want to rip her/their hair out!:o

[Blueberry]

Sorry to say it - but I'd start looking really seriously for a new job. In small companies like that, sadly relationship problems can really make everyone miserable, and there's probably not much you can do about it. Your boss (lady) won't stick up for you because of her hubby. If she won't, it doesn't sound like there's anyone who will. Seriously - I'd get out...

CA

[KSH]

Sorry to hear what's happening. How frustrating and upsetting it must be.

Well, you should look for a new job. Continue on that path.

Otherwise, I'm a pretty direct person... I would have a meeting with him and have the wife present (as a witness of sorts), and simply ask him point blank what his problem with me is. And then use the examples you gave us as reasons why you think he has a problem with you. You can do this in a professional manner... and maybe it can get worked out.

But he sounds like an immature baby... so maybe not.

[indysteel]

I tend to agree with CA's take on it, but I would also suggest taking Flybye's approach. The guy sounds like he's "acting out," (you're an easier target than his wife). My experience with people like that is that they usually back off when confronted. I would suggest asking for a meeting with both of them and calmly but assertively standing up for yourself. While he's the one acting like a jerk, I think his wife also needs to understand that she's both part of the problem (for not standing up for you) and the solution. If the situation doesn't improve from there, then find a new job. The stress just isn't worth it.

Good luck.

[ny biker]

Life's too short. Get out while you can.

[alpinerabbit]

Sorry to say it - but I'd start looking really seriously for a new job. In small companies like that, sadly relationship problems can really make everyone miserable, and there's probably not much you can do about it. Your boss (lady) won't stick up for you because of her hubby. If she won't, it doesn't sound like there's anyone who will. Seriously - I'd get out...

CA

Plus one. I was in such a situation.

Yes, make your list for a while, if you like, maybe just to get the satisfaction of speakin out. While you're at it, give it to a lawyer. but bottom line - fuçk it.

You and your healthy mind are not worth this. Believe me - I went all the way to therapy and antidepressants just to be able to stay on the job for long enough to make it look acceptable on my CV. You do not need this - this was my first job after uni.

Get out.

[vmax]

You're in a no-win situation -- Boss Man is taking out his frustrations (from his marriage) with you; and Boss Lady is not supporting you. I think that you're between a rock and a hard place -- there's no where to go. I'm guessing that there are plenty of other opportunities for PT work that would pay you a comparable wage . . at least I'm hoping so.

This isn't an employer that you plan to stick with for the long haul anyway. Do yourself a favor -- Find something else and cut your stress load, it's not worth it.

Good Luck!

- Vivian, MN

[mimitabby]

in a situation like this "take this job and shove it" is not an immature reaction. It is clear that you can't win here. It's just a part time job, get another one.
they lose, not you.

[ttaylor508]

If he is falsely accusing you of doing serious (and illegal) things like "stealing" his credit card and drivers license, then I think you better get out now. He is totally trying to throw you under the bus and when push comes to shove, it sounds like his wife would probably side with him instead of you. You really don't need to be caught in this ugly mess and if sales are dwindling with this company, they won't stay afloat and will let you go anyways. Don't just walk away from this job....RUNNNNNNN!!!

[Flybye]

in a situation like this "take this job and shove it" is not an immature reaction

Very well said.

[Duck on Wheels]

Get wifey to write you a shining recommendation, then cut and run! That's my advice. They need a therapist, and that's not what you took on as your job. Of course, if wifey won't write you a rosy letter of rec, you could just hang around until the company goes down the tubes, then go out job hunting without a rec from them by saying that you left because they went broke. Their reputation at that point will be such that having no rec from them wouldn't hurt you any. But seriously, do you wish yourself so ill as to stick with what's clearly a sinking ship with disfunctional officers? There's gotta be a better job.

As for flexible jobs so you can work around your school schedules ... have you asked at the school itself? I know the pay for student jobs on campus often sucks, but not always. Sometimes there are decent jobs to be had, especially for someone who can take on some administrative responsibilities, and colleges are accustomed to making flexible schedules that work for student employees.

[KathiCville]

Agreement with much of what's been said above. You're going to continue to get caught in the crossfire of a no-win situation. If the business is going to the devil because they're not focusing on it, you'll be out of a job soon enough anyway. Falsely accusing someone of stealing is *not* pettiness; it's a serious ethical lapse and/or suggests paranoia.

It seems clear that he's dying to get rid of you, by whatever means necessary short of outright firing, 'cause he made such an j-*ss of himself in front of you with the mistress, the coming back, etc. He's probably hoping to make you so uncomfortable, annoyed and stressed out that you'll leave of your own accord. That's fine. Do it. But do it as much on your own terms as you can.

To the degree you can manage it, ease out of this situation with as few fireworks as possible, not only to maintain some sense of control over your stress level, but because Boss Man sounds volatile and vindictive. For your protection, you should keep a written log of what you've been accused of---date, time, what was said, by whom, and if there were any witnesses. Keep emotion out of what you write---"just the facts, m'am." And keep your record off-site, at home or in your car or bike, where he can't snoop. And make sure none of your e-mails or documents on the office computer contain anything that he could use against you.

As appealing as the idea is of sitting them both down and trying to deal with the situation head on, this pair doesn't sound like they're capable of it---either in their relationship or outside of it. I'd focus more on damage control (meaning, damage to you).

Make sure that you remain professional in all your dealings AND document all incidents.

Maintain a good relationship with Boss Lady by not running to her every time he says something nasty---she'll tire quickly of refereeing. But keep her sufficiently informed that she remains aware of what he's doing. His behavior *should* make her think twice about his value as a business partner, not to mention life partner!

Keep your own perspective as broad as possible by spending time with other upbeat people outside of the workplace. Remember: These are just two people out of thousands you're going to meet in the course of your life. Two years from now you'll barely remember them, except as cartoonish characters.

My two cents'!! Good luck! Get outta there!

[pll]

I guess I will offer my two cents:

Finding a job is easiest when you have one (i.e. prospective employers take your current job as a signal that you have marketable skills).
If you are taking classes in a university, consider looking for a research assistantship or work study opportunities. Faculty are frequently looking for RAs and you may have scarce skills: foreign languages? good with Excel, some programming or scripting language? can create web pages? Foreign languages can be an asset in research in history or the social sciences (including business school faculty). I would suggest drafting cover letters and dropping your resume strategically in mailboxes in various departments in the university and the dean's office in each school. You may even target professors whose work you think is interesting.

[Veronica]

I've been reading this the last few times as "How to deal with a pretty boss?"

Give her a black eye or a fat lip?

Tell her she looks great in the dingy mustard shirt she's wearing that makes her look awful in reality? :p

V.

[Lifesgreat]

Life's too short. Get out while you can.

+ 1

[PinkBike]

I've been reading this the last few times as "How to deal with a pretty boss?"

Give her a black eye or a fat lip?

Tell her she looks great in the dingy mustard shirt she's wearing that makes her look awful in reality? :p

V.

V, you crack me up!

[tc1]

Been there, done that with two psycho male bosses. Polish up your resume, get a letter of recommendation and leave. Once the boss is telling lies about you for whatever reason you are history.

[Mr. Bloom]

Move on...there's a lot more downside than upside in this situation

[KnottedYet]

Leaving a job like this is the mature response.

Just get out, before it gets worse and you get taken down (or taken to jail as the sociopathic behaviour of the male boss escalates).

[withm]

Run. Run away. Run as fast as you can.

These people are not your friends. They are not worthy of sane employees. They will never ever react in normal or expected ways to anything you do. And if you stay you will have to deal with poor and irrational behavior 24 hours a day. There is no relationship here that is worth saving.

NO JOB is worth that kind of crap.

If they treat people that badly, even having their company on your resume may be a detriment to your future. They probably have a list of disgruntled employees, vendors, subs, and clients a mile long. You don't need to be a part of that.

Get out now!

Good luck.

[KnottedYet]

If they treat people that badly, even having their company on your resume may be a detriment to your future. They probably have a list of disgruntled employees, vendors, subs, and clients a mile long. You don't need to be a part of that.

+1

I was part of a hiring process where someone had a "bad" company on their resume. And yes, it did hurt them in applying for the job with us.

[sundial]

The benefits of your current job are:

upset stomach
thinning hair
tension
micromanagement
passive aggressive behavior
lowered self esteem
distrust

OK, now for the upside to this career:

perseverance in looking for a career change ;)

Your health is your wealth.

[Fujichants]

Thanks for your replies everybody! I really appreciate it. I would rather be broke and be able to ride my bike more, than be stuck in a horrible work place with those people.

Time to polish up the resume! I don't think I am going to put this job on there, since i've only been there since March. I was working full-time in Singapore and Indonesia before then, so that should count as some valuable work experience!

I just have to make sure to deposit my final paycheck and make sure it goes through, because these people are known to put a stop payment on checks or just close the bank account and open a new one. Not to mention, I just found out the business hasn't been incorporated in the state of California since they NEVER paid taxes on it. So basically its illegal. I am SO OUT OF THERE!

[ACG]

What they have created for you is a hostile work environment. The fact that you have had to endure a more heated workplace since his affair, leads in a way to 3rd party sexual harassment. I'm not a lawyer.

So as everyone else has said, look for another job and leave. Quietly and professionally.

While looking for a job, you don't have to divulge to the perspective employer the sordid old employers behavior and you don't have to give them permission to call the old employer either. Though some places will do this after they hire you.

You can just say it is a small company and they are having growing pains.

I would at the very end, once you have found a job, ask boss lady for a letter of recommendation. She has no obligation to give you one, but it doesn't hurt to ask.

But leave and do it soon.

[pll]

Thanks for your replies everybody! I really appreciate it. I would rather be broke and be able to ride my bike more, than be stuck in a horrible work place with those people.

Time to polish up the resume! I don't think I am going to put this job on there, since i've only been there since March. I was working full-time in Singapore and Indonesia before then, so that should count as some valuable work experience!

I just have to make sure to deposit my final paycheck and make sure it goes through, because these people are known to put a stop payment on checks or just close the bank account and open a new one. Not to mention, I just found out the business hasn't been incorporated in the state of California since they NEVER paid taxes on it. So basically its illegal. I am SO OUT OF THERE!

Wow, I now agree with many here: time to run! A bad job in an "informal" business, that may not honor a payment.... ride, ride away!

[Triskeliongirl]

Wise move to quit. It sounds like a horrible situation.

I second the idea of trying to get a job at your University. Both of my kids got jobs doing research with their professors, part time during school year and full time during summer. Much better resume builder and it pays the bills.

[sundial]

I am SO OUT OF THERE!

Let us know when your last day is so we can help celebrate. :)

[wannaduacentury]

Thanks for your replies everybody! I really appreciate it. I would rather be broke and be able to ride my bike more, than be stuck in a horrible work place with those people.

Time to polish up the resume! I don't think I am going to put this job on there, since i've only been there since March. I was working full-time in Singapore and Indonesia before then, so that should count as some valuable work experience!

I just have to make sure to deposit my final paycheck and make sure it goes through, because these people are known to put a stop payment on checks or just close the bank account and open a new one. Not to mention, I just found out the business hasn't been incorporated in the state of California since they NEVER paid taxes on it. So basically its illegal. I am SO OUT OF THERE!

Sorry your employers are so crappy. You've got lots better days ahead of you with a new job. Take the high road. Jenn