why do I have anxiety when it come's to money?

[Brandi]

See this is a very strange thing about myself I don't understand? Anytime we talk about or I do anything that has to do with money i have anxiety attacks! I have to take a deep breath before i look at my bank account online. I overbank too. Like I am constantly on top of it. But i do our business accounting too.
Now for the real strange part....we don't have money troubles. We will have our house paid off in about 5 years maybe less. and I am 39. From what i understand that is good. I have retirement going. ok health insurance ( what insurance is really good?). I just don't understand why it get's me worked up? we don't really over spend. I just don't get it. I am pondering this because today I was doing some business accounting and had to stop and breath. Just nuts!

[tulip]

I have anxiety about money, too. My anxiety manifests itself differently, though. I AVOID my bank account. I hate paying bills. I have enough (although this past year has been tough with the divorce), but I just want to ignore it.

I grew up poor, so maybe that's my problem. I don't know. Money's wierd.

[Brandi]

My parents were very irresponsible and sometimes thing like the electricity would be shut off or the phone. Mainly cause they would forget to pay the bill or they might unfortunately spend the money. I don't know maybe that has something to with my problems.

[mimitabby]

My parents were very irresponsible and sometimes thing like the electricity would be shut off or the phone. Mainly cause they would forget to pay the bill or they might unfortunately spend the money. I don't know maybe that has something to with my problems.

This is where you answer your own question.
I'm sure that's what it is.

[KnottedYet]

I love this book: Women and Money, by Suze Orman

Got my share of money issues, too, and this book has been a huge help.

[Brandi]

I will look into that book knott. But if i am secure now and i know it why does my brain do this?

[bluebug32]

I'll join you in the anxiety boat. I was on anther forum where they were talking about all the bike parts they're planning to buy when this government money comes to stimulate the economy. Me? I'm thinking of how half will go to the car loan and then some to insurance and savings. Ack! I should get at least one cool bike part!

Suze Orman is a great author and Jean Chatsky (sp?) also deals with the women and money issue. This is definitely a common concern. Jean talks about how women's brains are wired differently (our feelings of fear and pleasure are triggered differently). Interesting stuff.

[Brandi]

I'll join you in the anxiety boat. I was on anther forum where they were talking about all the bike parts they're planning to buy when this government money comes to stimulate the economy. Me? I'm thinking of how half will go to the car loan and then some to insurance and savings. Ack! I should get at least one cool bike part!

Suze Orman is a great author and Jean Chatsky (sp?) also deals with the women and money issue. This is definitely a common concern. Jean talks about how women's brains are wired differently (our feelings of fear and pleasure are triggered differently). Interesting stuff.
Yes you should treat yourself a little. We will treat ourselves to dinner at our favorite sushi place.

[tulip]

I love this book: Women and Money, by Suze Orman

Got my share of money issues, too, and this book has been a huge help.

That book has been on my list for a while. Thanks for the reminder.

[shootingstar]

Bag lady syndrome when we get real old and frail...it's something I can't shake off completely.

On the other hand, it requires some serious attention to get off the bike...or off fun Internet forums and figure out good investment decisions..in today's markets... I think I have a headache starting.... :D

My only comforting thought if unexpected things happen, that instead of a shopping buggy that I will pull along when I get old...I will walk my bike, if I can't ride it, with my panniers full of food....

[Skierchickie]

Me too. I don't worry about it until I buy something, though, and then freak out internally after. We've never had money problems, either. My parents farmed for 40 years, and didn't buy ANYTHING if they didn't have actual cash to cover it (cars, combines, tractors, etc). They've never had a loan in their lives, except for their little tiny mortgage for the farm when they were starting out in the '60s. I remember them paying it off when the mortgage company MADE them (they realized Mom & Dad had enough money to do that). M & D preferred having that money in the bank, making more interest than they were paying on the mortgage (this was when you actually got measureable interest in a savings account).

Anyway, my first car loan freaked me out (low interest on a low amount, loaned by my parents) after college. Then I got married, and freaked when I found out DH had $4000 in student loans and credit cards, combined). Never having owed $$, it was really scary.

I guess I'm saying that maybe it's those of us who have never faced financial crisis that stress the most (or maybe that is why we've never faced financial crisis).

Be happy - buy bike stuff. (Currently freaking after just looking at Madones on the Trek website).

[Brandi]

I can live as minimal as possible, I know I can. I just have to get my brain to realize that and to not freak out so much. That's if I had too. I have been dirt poor before that is for sure. But I survived and do believe I was not totally miserable at that time. Oh well I need to just practice taking deep breaths and saying to myself "there's nothing wrong"!

[Blueberry]

I'm right there with you. DH and I are fine. We could live on one salary or the other. I did have lots of student loans (Duke + law school), but I've paid off almost all of those. I have a small loan payment, a small car payment and a house payment. That's it. No credit cards, etc. And we're a long ways towards saving for retirement.

But....I'm decidedly unhappy with my job. It's giving me headaches, high blood pressure and my Dr. has repeatedly told me to quit. I have little to no time for me. DH supports my leaving. And somehow, I'm having trouble giving it up because "we might need the $$". Or worse, my parents (divorced, 1 remarried) might need the $$. (neither can manage $$, both buy whatever they want and expect someone else to pay for it - I can't support them in good conscience - and haven't, but still feel like I should be able to just in case...) I don't even have a good relationship with them. *sigh* I was a whole lot happier when I had no money, and didn't feel like I had to be responsible for everyone's problems *sigh*

[Brandi]

I'm right there with you. DH and I are fine. We could live on one salary or the other. I did have lots of student loans (Duke + law school), but I've paid off almost all of those. I have a small loan payment, a small car payment and a house payment. That's it. No credit cards, etc. And we're a long ways towards saving for retirement.

But....I'm decidedly unhappy with my job. It's giving me headaches, high blood pressure and my Dr. has repeatedly told me to quit. I have little to no time for me. DH supports my leaving. And somehow, I'm having trouble giving it up because "we might need the $$". Or worse, my parents (divorced, 1 remarried) might need the $$. (neither can manage $$, both buy whatever they want and expect someone else to pay for it - I can't support them in good conscience - and haven't, but still feel like I should be able to just in case...) I don't even have a good relationship with them. *sigh* I was a whole lot happier when I had no money, and didn't feel like I had to be responsible for everyone's problems *sigh*
It sounds like you need to figure out what would make you happy. And if your dh will support you leaving then I would! Your health is not worth your job!Giving up your health to make sure you can support your parents that you don't really like in the first place seems wrong to me. And maybe if they had to bail themselves out because you can't back them up might be a good lesson for them. I would follow your Dr's advice and start living for yourself and not other people. You have a life to live here why not try and make it a happy one if you can? For you!

[bluebug32]

Yes you should treat yourself a little. We will treat ourselves to dinner at our favorite sushi place.

Yes, just trying to be cool with the fact that money is to enjoy and to help open doors, not sit on out of fear!

[blueskies]

I just heard Martha Beck, the Oprah columnist & life coach, talking about her new book Steering by Starlight. She was saying that the reptilian brain (the older part of the brain) is primed to scan for "lack or attack."

Lack = Not Enough = Money Fears

She said that in humans with our highly developed cortex, this fear driven part of our brain can be constantly talking to the cortex, where it starts telling itself scary stories over and over and over. I'm not saying this very well, but she did... and she had suggestions, from the world's mystical traditions & brain science on how to deal with it.

Let me look for a link somewhere...

Oh, here:

http://www.buffalonews.com/185/story/326868.html

[redrhodie]

I'm right there with you. DH and I are fine. We could live on one salary or the other. I did have lots of student loans (Duke + law school), but I've paid off almost all of those. I have a small loan payment, a small car payment and a house payment. That's it. No credit cards, etc. And we're a long ways towards saving for retirement.

But....I'm decidedly unhappy with my job. It's giving me headaches, high blood pressure and my Dr. has repeatedly told me to quit. I have little to no time for me. DH supports my leaving. And somehow, I'm having trouble giving it up because "we might need the $$". Or worse, my parents (divorced, 1 remarried) might need the $$. (neither can manage $$, both buy whatever they want and expect someone else to pay for it - I can't support them in good conscience - and haven't, but still feel like I should be able to just in case...) I don't even have a good relationship with them. *sigh* I was a whole lot happier when I had no money, and didn't feel like I had to be responsible for everyone's problems *sigh*


I can relate to this! I was stuck in a job I hated that I was afraid to leave because it paid well. I read "The Art of Happiness" (an interview with the Dalai Lama) and left within months of reading it, the day after my 12th work anniversay to be exact. It was the best decision I could have made. I'm so much happier now, living in a different city without the stress I used to have. Oh, and I earn about half what I used to make, and have a lifestyle like the rich and famous (only slightly kidding). It's better than say Gary Coleman's, but not as lavish as Marie Osmond's ;).

My father, who never won dad of the year, recently asked me for a $6,000 loan to pay off his credit card debt. He and my stepmother always make fun of me for buying used stuff, driving 10+ year old cars, living in tiny places. They are gluttonous in their consumption of crap (they have 4 computers and 4 tvs in a 2 bedroom condo that's loaded to the rafters with STUFF). Even knowing that this loan would unlikely be repaid (dad is 80, which is less of a factor than his status as a bit of a deadbeat who occassionally works a grift) still made it hard to say no. Instead, I told them to send me all their financial records, and I would look at them before making an decison, but probably it would be a no. That stopped the process. They didn't expect me to make decison based on anything like their ability to pay me back.

You don't need to pay for your parent's mistakes.

And Brandi, stop worrying and enjoy yourself. You've done good.

[bluebug32]

I just heard Martha Beck, the Oprah columnist & life coach, talking about her new book Steering by Starlight. She was saying that the reptilian brain (the older part of the brain) is primed to scan for "lack or attack."

Lack = Not Enough = Money Fears

She said that in humans with our highly developed cortex, this fear driven part of our brain can be constantly talking to the cortex, where it starts telling itself scary stories over and over and over. I'm not saying this very well, but she did... and she had suggestions, from the world's mystical traditions & brain science on how to deal with it.

Let me look for a link somewhere...

Oh, here:

http://www.buffalonews.com/185/story/326868.html

She's another great columnist. I remember hearing a guest on Jean C's show talk about this and how men and women interpret this lack or attack different. For men, it's more invigorating than scary. The parts of our brains that process fear and risk are very different.

[shootingstar]

I have a small loan payment, a small car payment and a house payment. That's it. No credit cards, etc. And we're a long ways towards saving for retirement.

But....I'm decidedly unhappy with my job. It's giving me headaches, high blood pressure and my Dr. has repeatedly told me to quit. I have little to no time for me. DH supports my leaving. And somehow, I'm having trouble giving it up because "we might need the $$". Or worse, my parents (divorced, 1 remarried) might need the $$. (neither can manage $$, both buy whatever they want and expect someone else to pay for it - I can't support them in good conscience - and haven't, but still feel like I should be able to just in case...) I don't even have a good relationship with them. *sigh* I was a whole lot happier when I had no money, and didn't feel like I had to be responsible for everyone's problems *sigh*

If your DH is clearly concerned about your job affecting your health, then you seriously need to rethink your career and where you want to go in future.

I'm like you...I like earning money as a form of insurance for the future which might have some surprises.

Need to separate your love for each of your parents and their money-spending habits. Love them , but only give money ..or better gift if used wisely. But well, by now, they won't change..

My parents are thrifty and responsible with $$...not credit card users. Probably greatest concern amongst siblings for them is to educate them on certain investment tools and taxes so that they won't get shafted. But no accountants in family....just savers......all of us.

So yea, I have lived simply when I was unemployed..but it's hard to watch daily, how one spends every dollar. There is a stress of constantly restricting oneself from even buying a food treaties or little things for self.

So to alleviate the stress...I went cycling every day....:o there is nothing like free exploratory things to amuse oneself for hours....we should thank ourselves on this forum...we already are in love with some free exercise & entertainment (that is, after buying bike and right clothing).

[tulip]

CA in NC, last year I quit my corporate job. The year before, I left my marriage.

I have never been happier. Both those things were terrifying, but once I knew what I needed to do, it was clear and bright and amazingly uncluttered. I also dropped 20 lbs and my skin cleared up and my sciatica went away (with the help of pilates and stretching--which I have time to do now).

I've gotten really into birding and identifying birds by their songs. My partner recently asked me about this, if I had always been into birding. In talking with him about it, I realized that I had been interested in birds since I was a child, but for the first time, I am taking the time and the space to watch and listen.

I am making less money, but I'm also living in a lower-priced city (there's only 100 miles between DC and Richmond, but the cost of living something like 60% lower). I work from home doing something I find very rewarding. I have time to ride my bike, kayak, and read a book. It's amazing. It shouldn't be amazing, it should be like this.

(EDIT: I do support my mother-I own and pay for her house. She pays me rent, but it's not as much as the mortgage. I know how stressful taking care of a parent can be)

[firenze11]

I have anxiety when it comes to money, too. I'm not really sure where it comes from because my family was always really good with money. Maybe it's just because I'm still young and broke :rolleyes: I'm only 24 and still in school but I have a lot of friends who got jobs right after their BAs so it's kind of hard for me to see them making a real living already. I also have some friends who spend A LOT and I always wonder how they're making it - using credit cards for everything, going on expensive trips a lot, eating out at trendy, expensive places a few of times a week. I almost didn't go to one friend's birthday because the "party" was at a really expensive restaurant and it made me sick to have to pay $130 for a dinner.

I make sure I always pay off my credit card and watch my spending. I'm learning about how to save for the future when I start my career. I guess it's better than being frivolous with money and ending up in trouble down the line, right?

BTW, I'm already seeing how very stressful but high paying jobs are affecting my friends. Sleeping at the office is, hopefully, not in my future. I'm all for ambition and dedication but I want to enjoy my career and have time to live my life and ride my bike, too.

[shootingstar]

I'm only 24 and still in school but I have a lot of friends who got jobs right after their BAs so it's kind of hard for me to see them making a real living already. I also have some friends who spend A LOT and I always wonder how they're making it - using credit cards for everything, going on expensive trips a lot, eating out at trendy, expensive places a few of times a week. I almost didn't go to one friend's birthday because the "party" was at a really expensive restaurant and it made me sick to have to pay $130 for a dinner.

I make sure I always pay off my credit card and watch my spending. I'm learning about how to save for the future when I start my career. I guess it's better than being frivolous with money and ending up in trouble down the line, right?

BTW, I'm already seeing how very stressful but high paying jobs are affecting my friends. Sleeping at the office is, hopefully, not in my future. I'm all for ambition and dedication but I want to enjoy my career and have time to live my life and ride my bike, too.

Hopefully that expensive dinner won't occur again for quite awhile. It's unfair (unless you were warned in advance of the dinner party) to place people in that position to fork over that amount of money, unless the friend was very close/special to you. 'Course the other option might have been to show up for dinner party halfway and pay for dessert or whatever. Just a discreet way of doing things differently.

It does highlight one's own financial status to do such things, but I'm certain there is someone else in the same crowd who wants to save money too but hasn't figured out how to do it in a way without offending friends or thinking you are a party-pooper.

Stick to your long-term financial values and goals..you will thank yourself years from now.

[GLC1968]

I'm right there with you. DH and I are fine. We could live on one salary or the other. I did have lots of student loans (Duke + law school), but I've paid off almost all of those. I have a small loan payment, a small car payment and a house payment. That's it. No credit cards, etc. And we're a long ways towards saving for retirement.

But....I'm decidedly unhappy with my job. It's giving me headaches, high blood pressure and my Dr. has repeatedly told me to quit. I have little to no time for me. DH supports my leaving. And somehow, I'm having trouble giving it up because "we might need the $$". Or worse, my parents (divorced, 1 remarried) might need the $$. (neither can manage $$, both buy whatever they want and expect someone else to pay for it - I can't support them in good conscience - and haven't, but still feel like I should be able to just in case...) I don't even have a good relationship with them. *sigh* I was a whole lot happier when I had no money, and didn't feel like I had to be responsible for everyone's problems *sigh*

Quit your job and move both your butts out here. You'll love it. I swear!! :D

[bluebug32]

I have anxiety when it comes to money, too. I'm not really sure where it comes from because my family was always really good with money. Maybe it's just because I'm still young and broke :rolleyes: I'm only 24


Being in your twenties is definitely hard. I'm 25 and starting to go through the stage of my friends getting married and my older friends buying houses and having kids. These things feel so far out of reach sometimes and I worry about how I'll have the money to pay for them when they do come along. I've learned that you just have to keep plugging along and taking opportunities and pushing your limits, no matter how scary things sound. I started out in a very low-paying semi-fulfilling job. I quit 1.5 years ago and now love my job and feel like I'm paid a fair salary. The savings is coming along slowly now, but at least I have it and can move in the direction I want to be.